By Zephyria 
===
At those words, Eun-won felt a strange heat rise in the back of his throat. Perhaps they were insignificant words, something that could simply be ignored. Cha Se-jin might have just been talking about pheromones. But to Eun-won, it sounded different. It felt as if Cha Se-jin had found the traces of himself that someone had neatly wiped away.
“Should we wash up?”
“Yes….”
The low voice drifted close by. Eun-won’s shoulders flinched as lips toyed with his earlobe and outer ear, followed by a light lick of the tongue.
“Together?”
“…A-Alone….”
At the expected answer, Cha Se-jin let out a laugh and slowly pulled away. With ears turned bright red, Eun-won said he would wash first and quickly grabbed the clothes he had brought and entered the bathroom.
Throughout the shower, and while drying his hair afterward, Eun-won continued to think of Cha Se-jin, even as he watched Cha Se-jin enter the bathroom after him. No, it wasn’t that he was trying to think of him; it was simply that the man filled his entire mind.
Sitting on the bed, Eun-won slowly looked around the room, which was now mingled with Cha Se-jin’s scent. He hadn’t spent a long time here, but enough to have adapted to it. He remembered the first few days being fluttering with excitement, and other days where he liked how the room had become larger and more comfortable. But that was only for a fleeting moment.
From then until now, there hadn’t been a single day where he felt completely at peace in this room. He had felt more comfortable with the idea of leaving this house through an arranged marriage, to the point where he had never once missed this place after leaving.
And yet… he was sure of that, and yet…. Today was a little different.
The fact that Cha Se-jin’s scent lingered in the room made the space feel slightly less unfamiliar. It felt as if his head, his body, and his heart all knew that the man was here with him.
“I could smell you while I was washing.”
The sound of water stopped, and shortly after, Cha Se-jin emerged. Shaking his wet hair casually, he looked perfectly at home in the unfamiliar room, blending in seamlessly.
“So it was a bit dangerous. I felt like I shouldn’t do it here, so I held back.”
“…….”
“Praise me. I really struggled to hold back.”
As Cha Se-jin leaned his head in as if he truly wanted praise, Eun-won carefully and gently stroked his hair. Seeming to enjoy the touch, Cha Se-jin stayed still, and once he felt he had received enough praise, he lay down on the bed with his hair still wet.
Startled, Eun-won quickly brought over the hairdryer, plugged it in next to the bed, and dried Cha Se-jin’s hair.
When Eun-won asked him to turn over slightly so he could dry the back, Cha Se-jin laughed and flipped over, burying his face in Eun-won’s thigh. Biting his lip with a flushed face, Eun-won only turned off the dryer after he had dried the back of Cha Se-jin’s hair until it was fluffy. Only then did Cha Se-jin laugh aloud, sit up, and rub Eun-won’s reddened cheek.
“Shall we turn off the lights now?”
“Yes.”
He turned off the main light, leaving only the small bedside lamp. As darkness descended, the room, which still held a lingering awkwardness, felt a bit more comfortable. The things that had been neatly organized and emptied of traces blurred into the darkness, while the presence of Cha Se-jin beside him felt more vivid, making the bed they shared feel like the entire world.
Eun-won leaned his back against the headboard and pulled the duvet over his legs. The new bedding smelled cozy. And layered over that was a faint scent of Cha Se-jin’s pheromones. He recalled Cha Se-jin’s voice from a moment ago, telling him to release his pheromones, and the sensation of the kiss on his nape. His body felt strangely ticklish.
“You worked hard today.”
“I didn’t… I didn’t do anything today.”
“You worked hard just enduring it.”
Eun-won couldn’t answer. The word ‘enduring’ was strangely accurate, making the inside of his heart feel hot. Throughout the evening, he had pretended to be fine, smiling, answering, eating, and listening to his father and the madam. Since it was something he had done before, it wasn’t exactly exhausting, but… it was true that he had maintained a mindset of enduring, knowing it would be over soon. He felt a mix of gratitude and guilt that Cha Se-jin knew this.
“…The Managing Director worked harder than I did.”
“I did?”
“Yes. The dinner, and… drinking with my father until late… and you talked a lot about business, too.”
“That’s nothing to me.”
“Still….”
“I’m good at that stuff.”
His voice sounded as if it truly were no big deal. Eun-won lifted his head slightly to look at Cha Se-jin. The yellow light of the lamp rested only on one side of Cha Se-jin’s face. Under the dim light, Cha Se-jin looked more languid and a bit softer.
“Still… being good at something and it not being tiring are two different things.”
Cha Se-jin’s hand, which had been about to touch Eun-won’s head, paused for a moment before slowly stroking his hair.
“It wasn’t tiring.”
“…….”
“There were… some moments that were annoying.”
“…….”
“That’s different from being tiring. Being annoyed and being tired are different things.”
Eun-won didn’t know how to react, so he only parted his lips. Cha Se-jin, slowly rubbing Eun-won’s cheek with his fingertips, gave a smirk.
“Still, I think it was a good idea to come.”
“Why?”
“Because after doing this once, you can stay comfortable for a while, Darling. Without being hounded.”
Eun-won momentarily stopped breathing at those words. Cha Se-jin spoke as if it were nothing, but for Eun-won, it wasn’t. Everything Cha Se-jin had shown him so far came rushing back at once.
The face that smiled while deflecting the madam’s words, the manner in which he skillfully conversed with his father, the hand that would hold and release his own under the table whenever he became silent, the food silently placed on his plate when his chopsticks slowed down, and even the voice asking him to release his pheromones, knowing he felt awkward in this room.
All of it was to make him less uncomfortable, because he was mindful of him, to be considerate, because he wanted him not to struggle….
Thinking that made his heart swell again, and it terrified him.
“Why… why do you go that far for me?”
At Eun-won’s question, Cha Se-jin’s gaze slowly tilted, meeting his eyes deeply.
“What?”
“Why do you… do things like today? You didn’t have to, but you came here with me… and you handled the things the madam said on my behalf, and you didn’t have to stay over, but you did… and you keep checking if I’m eating, if I’m uncomfortable….”
“…….”
“…And not just today… yesterday, and the day before…… constantly…. Why are you so….”
His voice grew smaller the more he spoke. But strangely, he couldn’t stop. Today, that question simply wouldn’t leave his lips. The things that had been drifting in his heart for days had swollen with every bit of kindness Cha Se-jin gave, growing so large that he could no longer swallow them back down.
Eun-won lightly gripped the edge of Cha Se-jin’s clothes with his fingertips. Very weakly. So lightly that it hardly seemed like he was holding on.
“Why is the Managing Director so kind to me…?”
The room fell silent.
The lamp light hadn’t flickered, but for some reason, Eun-won felt as if his vision was blurring. Now that he had asked, he was scared. It was something he had wanted to ask, but now that he had voiced it, it felt as if he had let out something far too large.
Cha Se-jin didn’t answer immediately. As the silence stretched, the strength in Eun-won’s fingertips gripping the fabric faded.
“I’m being kind?”
After a long while, Cha Se-jin asked. Swallowing the tremor in his throat, Eun-won barely managed to nod.
“Yes.”
“I’m not sure what I’m doing that’s so kind.”
There was no playfulness in that voice. It was a question asked as if he truly didn’t know. Eun-won felt a slight ache in his chest. Because he realized that all of this might not be special to Cha Se-jin. Things that were overwhelmingly large to him might just be natural actions for Cha Se-jin, simply because he was by his side.
Still, he had to say it. Because there was nowhere left to hide. Now that he had voiced it once, this feeling had become something he could no longer organize on his own.
“Even if I don’t say anything… you know everything, like what I’m uncomfortable with or how I’m feeling. If there’s something that seems uncomfortable, you resolve it before I even see it, and if I look like I’m in a bad mood, you make it better…. You keep… smiling at me….”
The tremors, which he couldn’t swallow and had overflowed, inevitably seeped into his voice. Eun-won bit his lip to suppress the shaking and continued. He couldn’t stop the flood of emotions once they had burst.
“You’re kind to my friends, too, and you ask what I like, what I hate…. You go for walks with me, and in any situation… you take care of me first….”
“…….”
“I’ve thought about it so much… how you could possibly do all that…. I thought and thought and thought about it….”
As if telling him not to tremble, Cha Se-jin’s hand touched Eun-won’s cheek. Eun-won closed his eyes for a moment at the touch. He didn’t want to avoid it. But the more he liked the touch, the more terrified he became. Now, the most vivid part of his heart was laid bare before Cha Se-jin.
“…Just as I… like you… I thought you’d have to like me too… for you to….”
“…….”
“…for you to be able to do those things….”
A confession mixed with fragile breaths escaped. Only after speaking did Eun-won realize how far he had gone. His heart beat too fast. Cha Se-jin’s hand was still on his cheek, and his side was still warm. Yet, for some reason, it felt as if the ground had vanished beneath his feet.
Cha Se-jin remained silent for a moment, then lowered his hand and took Eun-won’s hand. The hand that had been gripping the fabric was carefully enclosed in his.
“That’s right. I like you too, Darling.”
“…….”
“I like being with you. I like eating, sleeping, dating, and walking with you, and just laughing while talking about things that happened…. I like doing those things. Yes, I do it because I like you. I wouldn’t do that for someone I dislike.”
Cha Se-jin’s words were certainly not wrong. Cha Se-jin did not dislike him. Not only did he not dislike him, but he was telling him that he liked him. That he liked being with him, liked spending time together, and that was why he acted this way.
It was very close to the words Eun-won had wanted to hear countless times. Yet, strangely, it felt a little distant. Eun-won looked down at his hand held within Cha Se-jin’s. It was warm. Cha Se-jin was holding him, as always. Without letting go, without drifting away, right by his side. And he said he liked him. Even so, despite hearing those words, his heart would not settle.
“Isn’t it nice for us to be like this? I love it right now.”
“…….”
“Doing things I used to do alone with you makes it more fun, and seeing your actions and reactions is cute. That’s why I want to be kind, and I want to take care of you. I hope there’s nothing that makes you uncomfortable.”
“…….”
“That’s why I do it. I’m not saying I planned it or did it all calculatedly. It’s just natural to me, so I never thought of it as being exceptionally kind.”
Cha Se-jin’s deepened gaze searched Eun-won’s face, hoping it wasn’t the case.
“Was it perhaps burdensome?”