By Zephyria 
===
Cha Se-jin didn’t even like kissing that much. He didn’t feel the need to kiss when all that was required was a moment of shared pleasure. He had never found any joy in the act of pressing lips together and sucking on a tongue. To be honest, the very idea of swallowing someone else’s saliva was unpleasant to him. Not only that, but Cha Se-jin also hated putting his mouth on a partner’s genitals. Why put a tongue where his own member was supposed to go? He couldn’t wrap his head around it.
For various reasons like these, Cha Se-jin didn’t enjoy sleeping with people who were inexperienced in sex. He wasn’t the type to enjoy soothing or coaxing a partner along.
But earlier—really, just a moment ago—his mind had gone completely blank with lust. Eun-won had been so flustered he couldn’t even breathe, couldn’t even open his eyes, just panting as if he’d never even had a peck, let alone a kiss… and that was fucking hot.
Perhaps because of the pheromones, even the saliva tasted sweet, and that taste was insanely delicious. He hated sweet things, and he didn’t enjoy sucking on another’s tongue or swallowing saliva, but everything about it had been wonderful. He felt so aroused and exhilarated that he wouldn’t have minded spending the rest of his life sucking on that tongue; nothing else mattered.
“…….”
Feeling a tug in his lower abdomen just from the thought, Cha Se-jin exhaled and took in the profile of Eun-won, who was staring silently out the window while holding his hand.
What is this? Was someone specially trained to ruin my life? Is it possible that someone is just doing everything that turns me on without even knowing? Fuck, how can a person make me this pathetic in just one month?
As he watched in silence, Eun-won must have felt his gaze, as he slowly turned his head and their eyes met. Looking into those calm eyes, Cha Se-jin felt a strange ripple of emotion in his heart.
He wanted to see it. Those eyes once they had come to love him. What kind of look would a love-struck Seo Eun-won give him? It would surely be different from mere shyness. He wanted to imagine it, but having never fallen in love himself, he couldn’t conjure a concrete image.
Even when he tried to recall the countless voices and gazes of people who had confessed that they had come to like him or love him, they were all blurred. It was because he had never once responded with the same feeling. Whether they loved him or not wasn’t important to him. Their feelings belonged to them, not to him.
He didn’t feel fluttery, he didn’t tremble, and he felt no desire to possess them or be with them—so how could he respond to those feelings? He simply wanted sex, and he hated it when people approached him wanting things that were kinder, ticklish, affectionate, and otherwise trivial.
Would it be the same this time? Would it turn into that same mediocre feeling after they had sex? As he taught the clueless Eun-won one thing at a time, the excitement might eventually fade. He might lose interest entirely.
People don’t change easily. Exceptions are rare, and even if this interest seemed different from usual—perhaps because he happened to like the face—it was only natural that it would cool down at some point.
How long would it last this time? When would it hit its peak and then plummet, crashing down toward the bottom? What was this ‘sincerity’ Hyung mentioned? Why did Hyung bring up sincerity after hearing what he had to say?
“…What are you thinking about…?”
Eun-won, who had been waiting for Cha Se-jin as he remained lost in thought for a long time, spoke softly. Unlike the hand they were holding, Cha Se-jin shook his head, scattering the cold thoughts he had been harboring.
“Just… wondering how long we can live together.”
At Cha Se-jin’s words, Eun-won’s wavering eyes dropped downward. Feeling a strange, excessive ache in his heart, Eun-won closed his eyes tightly, took a deep breath, and looked at Cha Se-jin again. Suddenly, he remembered something Cha Se-jin had said before.
‘Will you tell me if you come to like me? I’ll only know if you tell me.’
Recalling the voice and expression from that moment, Eun-won steadied his breathing and slowly let his feelings flow.
“…You told me… to tell you if I… come to like you. So that… you would know my feelings….”
“Yeah. I did.”
“…Can I… ask for one thing too?”
“Sure, what is it? Should I tell you too? If I come to like you? Though I already like you now, Darling.”
Seeing that face—a face anyone would fall in love with—as a smile spread across it, the aching in Eun-won’s heart quickly turned into a rapid beat. This had been the norm for Eun-won lately.
“……If you come to dislike me… please tell me….”
“Huh?”
“…That way, I’ll know too….”
It seemed his excessive honesty was the problem. He had only said it in response to being asked what he was thinking, but it seemed that had made Eun-won feel anxious and lonely.
To ask him to say so if he came to dislike him. If anyone else had said it, he might have just replied, ‘Yeah, sure,’ and easily forgotten it, but the situation was different now. Cha Se-jin found himself speechless.
“I have brought the Young Master.”
Just then, the sound of the front window rolling down was followed by the driver’s voice. The bodyguard guarding the entrance to the house signaled via radio and opened the way. As his attention was diverted, the moment broke. He felt like it shouldn’t end this way, but it wasn’t an atmosphere where he could force a lingering conversation.
After hesitating for a moment, Cha Se-jin stepped out of the car in front of the house and stood facing Eun-won. It was already over, and since Eun-won didn’t seem to be seeking a specific answer, he could have just let it go, but it felt wrong.
He wasn’t the type to dwell on things that had passed, words already spoken, or relationships that had soured, nor was he the type to regret things that were finished. Yet, he found himself dragging out a single sentence.
“…Hmm….”
His brain wouldn’t function because he was trying to do something he’d never done before. His head and heart were still saying the same thing: Just let him in like nothing happened, tell him to sleep well, say goodbye, and that’s it. What are you doing? Just do what you always do. When it’s over, it’s over.
“I’m sorry.”
It was the right thing to say, but the problem was that he didn’t want to just let it be. So, Cha Se-jin chose honesty again. Since he’d tried making excuses before, and since he’d never acted pathetic, he found he couldn’t—and didn’t want to—make excuses, explanations, or attempts to fix things.
“You know. I can’t see anyone for long. It’s always been like that, but this time felt a bit different, so I was curious. How long this interest would last.”
“…….”
“Even so, that wasn’t something I should have said when we’re getting married the day after tomorrow. I’m sorry.”
Eun-won, who had waited because he thought Cha Se-jin wanted to say something, widened his eyes; he had never imagined an apology. Hearing the words added with such sincerity and without a hint of playfulness, he understood, and he felt grateful that Cha Se-jin was apologizing for his sake, even though it wasn’t strictly necessary.
“Want to hit me? Usually, when people say things like that, you’re supposed to slap them and tell them to rethink the marriage, or something like that.”
“…Have you seen that happen? Or maybe… personally….”
“Darling, what do you take me for? Even trash has its grades. I saw it in a movie, in a movie.”
“Ah….”
“Do you feel a bit better now?”
“…Yes….”
The way he nodded with a look of genuine relief was incredibly cute. They say once you find someone cute, it’s the absolute end—what is this? Am I really fucked? It’s not just that he’s often cute; now he seems to be cute all the time. With a low groan, Cha Se-jin stepped closer and whispered with a peck on Eun-won’s ear.
“Want me to suck your tongue before you go inside?”
The moment the words left his mouth, Eun-won jumped back, creating distance. His face, illuminated by the bright lights of the garden and the front of the house, was flushed red. Whether he was avoiding him because he could tell Cha Se-jin’s member was hardening, Eun-won gave a quick, polite bow.
“…Please, go home… safely….”
“Why are you ignoring me again? You have to answer.”
Watching the retreating back of the man who ignored him and hurried inside as if fleeing, Cha Se-jin laughed, shook his head, and got back into the car.
“Shall I take you back to the hotel?”
“No, home. I can’t go back there right now. If I go, something bad will happen.”
Because he might just spend the whole night jerking off to the smell of lingering milk there until he dies.
“Did something happen?”
“Want to hear it? Should I tell you in detail?”
Knowing that Cha Se-jin spoke without filter, the driver quickly caught on and replied, “It’s fine!” before driving away. Watching the back of the driver’s head tense up in fear that he might actually speak, Cha Se-jin laughed and leaned deep into the seat, closing his eyes.
‘……If you come to dislike me… please tell me….’
In the dim darkness, Eun-won’s lonely and sorrowful face and voice came to mind. Opening his eyes again, Cha Se-jin let out a deep sigh.