#71

The bundle of photos contained his short history. He didn’t know what criteria Tennessee had used to select them, but all the joys and sorrows of his life were captured there.

Every sound, situation, and emotion from every moment in the photos rushed back. The urgency when he got angry at Elizabeth, the bursting laughter when playing on the trampoline with Annie, the moment a toy sank to the bottom of the pool and shimmered beneath the surface, the rough texture of the football that filled his hand, even the scent of sweat when he squinted up at the blazing sun.

Tennessee clicked his tongue. He should have gotten rid of the photos. It was a mistake to have brought them to England out of lingering attachment and then brought them back again.

“I love these…”

Amber said, looking at the photos.

Amber thought that the brazenness of Tennessee—who had secretly received photos for a long time yet never apologized—was fitting for a villain.

“How did you know they were here?”

There was a gap behind the bookshelf. They weren’t classified documents, but they were things too awkward to spread out on a desk, and since they had to be opened by fitting a specific groove, he thought they wouldn’t be found.

“You told me yourself.”

“…I did?”

“Yes. When I asked, you told me.”

It didn’t take long for Tennessee to realize how he had found out. He recalled the high school-aged Amber who had held the keys to his house.

“Did you ask me while I was sleeping?”

“Yes.”

“…”

Despite knowing it was a cheat, Amber was proud. More than proud, he looked as if he had gathered all the happiness in the world.

“Can I put them in frames?”

“No.”

“Please.”

Every time he said “please,” the corners of his mouth stretched long, as if drawing a smile.

Tennessee waved his hand, telling him to do as he pleased.

“I want to take photos of Tennessee, too. We don’t have a single photo together. It’s a shame.”

As Tennessee turned to leave the study, unable to find words, warmth touched his back. Amber was softly hugging him from behind. He was still clutching the photos in one hand.

It really is a shame…

Amber whispered. Tennessee didn’t know if he was talking about the time they couldn’t spend together.

* * *

Is today some kind of special day?

Amber wondered as he looked at the women standing at the door.

He had woken up to do some housework when the doorbell rang. When he went out, two women were standing there. One looked to be about high school age.

“Um, hello. We’re having a barbecue party at our house and wanted to see if you’d like to come.”

And the woman standing behind her seemed to be a college student.

“Oh, you lived here!”

The face of the welcoming woman was not unfamiliar. She was the woman who had randomly struck up a conversation while jogging. Amber’s expression immediately turned blunt.

“I appreciate the invitation, but we’re fine.”

While refusing, something touched him from behind. It was Tennessee, who had finished showering.

“What is it?”

Tennessee asked, looking at Amber.

“A party. You hate those things.”

Satisfied with the answer, Tennessee went back inside without even greeting them. Amber shrugged, as if to say, this is how it is.

“It’s a shame, but it can’t be helped.”

The woman stepped back with a smile. Then, she said, “Ah!” and held something out.

“My father runs a support group here.”

Amber took the poster. It was a counseling center for veterans.

“…Do I just call here?”

Sensing the sudden softening of the atmosphere, the woman stepped closer and began to explain. How it had been running for several years, how many people had participated, that anonymity was strictly guaranteed if one didn’t want to reveal their identity, and how many times a month it was held.

“Someone said it was a life-changing opportunity. That their life changed after joining.”

Unlike his previous indifference, Amber showed great interest, and the woman continued her explanation.

“But you look young; have you already finished your deployment? Or was it that wheelchair back then…”

Amber drew a formal smile.

“Thank you very much for letting me know.”

After leaving his greetings, Amber stepped inside the house.

“What was that?”

“What?”

Tennessee, who had said he was tired and going to sleep, was sitting on the living room sofa instead of in the bedroom.

“I asked, what was that just now.”

“Exactly what I told you. A party.”

“…”

When he gave the same answer, Tennessee raised an eyebrow. Amber’s mind raced at the unusual reaction. There were times when Tennessee looked at him in such detail, as if studying Amber under a microscope. Every time that happened, Amber found himself subconsciously walking on eggshells.

I already told him, why is he asking again? A few minutes passed with Amber tilting his head in a question mark. Without a word, Tennessee entered the bedroom.

“…Ah.”

Amber snapped his head up and let out a moan.

“Tennessee? Tennessee!”

Knock, knock, knock! Knock!

Knocking frantically on the bedroom door, Amber struggled to suppress a feeling of absolute delight. Ha, Tennessee, I really want to put him in my mouth, roll him around, and suck him. Seriously.

At the word to come in, Amber leaped onto the bed like a large dog whose leash had just been released. He caused a commotion, rubbing his cheek and smashing his nose against Tennessee’s back, who complained that he was being too frantic.

“Haa… were you curious about what I was saying to those women?”

“No.”

“That means yes, doesn’t it?”

“No.”

“That also means yes.”

Then, Amber pressed his body against him, saying he would take a nap too. Using the racing thumping of his heart as a lullaby, Amber pressed himself tight against Tennessee’s broad back. Tennessee was already drifting off to sleep.

“I’m happy. Really… really.”

There was no way to describe it. Amber let out a breathless sigh. He pulled Tennessee into his arms. Tennessee, who had pushed him away a few times, calling him annoying, eventually gave up.

“Wasn’t that woman? The one from the walk.”

“Yes, that’s right. The woman jogging during the walk. We talked about the typhoon and got along well…”

Amber trailed off. He lifted his upper body.

“But how did you recognize her?”

Once a doubt entered his mind, he couldn’t stop questioning.

“How did you recognize her? You only saw her once. Did she leave a long impression? Her voice? Her gait?”

Unlike Tennessee, who was losing the battle against his heavy eyelids, Amber pressed for an answer as if he absolutely had to hear it. Amber was annoyed by this situation where he constantly had to protect Tennessee. Why was this man so attractive and stimulating, driving him to the point of becoming a jealous husband? If he was like this already, he might actually be diagnosed with pathological jealousy in ten years.

“Was she pretty? Is that your type?”

“No.”

Amber was trying his best to keep his rising panic in check, but Tennessee replied vaguely in a low, sleep-laden voice.

“Then how could you… if you only saw it once…!”

Wake up, hurry! Just as Amber grabbed Tennessee, trying to forcibly drag him out of the swamp of sleep, a lightbulb suddenly went off in Amber’s head.

Ah. Why didn’t he think of that?

Even Amber’s exceptional intuition malfunctioned occasionally. Seeing Amber’s lips part slightly, Tennessee didn’t hide his smile.

“Since when… since when?”

“At some point.”

It wasn’t a half-hearted answer; it was the truth. Tennessee himself wasn’t aware of exactly when it had started. Literally, at some point.

“Then I… my face too,”

As he nodded, Amber hugged him so tightly it took his breath away.

“Actually, I wondered if you’d always be like this. I mean, I knew you recognized me, but I thought maybe you’d be like this for the rest of your life…”

Amber seemed determined to use this opportunity to let out all the anxiety he had been harboring. It was a natural result of how Amber had been conditioned. Whenever he confessed his fears or revealed a weakness, Tennessee would eliminate his monsters one by one, as if completing a set of chores.

“I’m so glad, Tennessee. I’m so glad.”

There are still many wild beasts inside me, but I’m glad I have you.

Tennessee wrapped his arm around Amber, who couldn’t hide his overwhelming emotion. After patting his broad back a few times, Tennessee let out a sigh. He wasn’t used to physical contact, but he felt that if this continued for a few more months, it would become natural.

* * *

[Amber Ryker Dexley, I have waited a long time. I thought you would at least stop by the house once. I believe both your mother and I have waited a long time. How could you not come even for Cody’s birthday?]

The use of his full name meant he was in trouble. Amber read through the long text message from David.

Until then, he couldn’t go because Tennessee’s condition wasn’t good. If a similar situation arose again, he would make the same choice, but it was true that it weighed on his mind. As he sighed, another long text arrived. This time it was from Elizabeth.

[I’ll give you three days, so fly or walk, just get to Michigan somehow. I absolutely must have dinner while looking at your face this week.]

He understood why they were angry.

Still, he felt he should ask for Tennessee’s opinion. After all, Tennessee often struggled to sleep without him. However, a day trip from Illinois to Michigan wasn’t exactly feasible.

Amber fell into deep thought. If he said he’d go in the morning and return in the evening, he could already envision David demanding, ‘If you’re leaving without staying a single day, why did you even come?’

He had to go.

When Amber explained the situation, Tennessee responded with a nod.

“Want me to drive you?”

“I’m okay.”

In truth, his worry about what would happen if Tennessee couldn’t sleep was greater than the concern over a journey that took at least eight hours round trip.

“If you can’t sleep, don’t try too hard to force it. Read a book or something.”

Having packed his bags hastily, Amber didn’t forget his warnings even at the front door.

“I made some food you like, so eat that. Or there’s the stuff we got from the steakhouse in the fridge, so make sure to eat that.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t skip any meals.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll call you, so pick up. If you’re busy, at least text me.”

“Yeah.”

Tennessee answered every single part of that long string of instructions.

“You have to eat dinner, definitely.”

“I got it.”

After spending a full fifteen minutes delivering a long lecture, Amber turned around with a face that looked as if he couldn’t bring himself to leave. Of course, he still said this as he got into the car:

“Should I just not go?”

“…”

“No, forget it. I take it back.”

Whenever he felt the good relationship between himself and his adoptive parents, Amber felt that Tennessee was strangely satisfied. In fact, Tennessee was quite lenient toward Amber’s family, tolerating David’s emotional side and Elizabeth’s meddling. If it had been anyone else, wouldn’t they have had a bullet hole in their forehead by now?