By Zephyria 
“No, it’s not that. I can’t afford to go to places like that anyway, and I hardly ever do. ….It’s just today… just for today…”
It was no use. The more he spoke, the more it sounded like an excuse. No matter how he tried to dress it up, there were no words that could justify the fact that he had been prowling around such a secluded spot in search of a one-night stand.
Ultimately, Seo Chi-young fell silent and lowered his head, and for a moment, a quiet gaze lingered over him. However, Jang Ui-geon soon gave a small smile and shrugged his shoulders.
“I’m sorry. I think I stepped out of line. Hmm, right now—it’s still a bit early. It’ll probably be another hour or two before people start showing up. It’ll be too cold to wait until then, so why don’t you look around somewhere else? ….Well, I’ll be going now. See you later.”
Jang Ui-geon waved his hand lightly and, perhaps out of consideration for Seo Chi-young, turned away without waiting for an answer. Staring only at his receding footsteps, Seo Chi-young slowly lifted his head. He watched from afar as Jang Ui-geon crossed the parking lot without once looking back and descended the stairs attached to the side of the building on the hill.
Any other time would have been fine. He would have been delighted to run into him by chance at any moment, so why did it have to be now?
Seo Chi-young dropped his gaze from the man to his own feet. In truth, there was no reason for him to be discouraged. It wasn’t as if he had been newly exposed as a homosexual—besides, Jang Ui-geon shared the same orientation—and whether he was looking for a one-night stand or not, Jang Ui-geon wouldn’t care, nor would he look at him with contempt. On the contrary, hadn’t he even given him kind advice before leaving? Thus, this bitter feeling belonged entirely to Seo Chi-young.
“……….”
I shouldn’t have come.
Seo Chi-young squeezed his interlaced fingers tightly. It was then.
“Are you okay? Are you sick?”
Before he knew it, someone was standing a few steps in front of him. A car he hadn’t seen before was parked a short distance away, suggesting the man had just stepped out. A man who looked slightly older than Seo Chi-young was staring at him, swinging a keychain on his finger. However, contrary to his words, his eyes held more curiosity than concern. Meeting that gaze, Seo Chi-young quickly waved his hand.
“No, no. I’m fine.”
“Ah, I see…”
The man scanned Seo Chi-young with a lingering “I see,” his voice trailing off. The moment their eyes met, Seo Chi-young realized instinctively, without anyone telling him, that this man—dressed in a style that was almost too flashy to be called sophisticated—was of the same kind. And the man seemed to realize that Seo Chi-young had noticed as well. The corners of his eyes curved into a smile.
Why was it that they could recognize each other so quickly as the kind of people they were looking for, much like how one recognizes a stranger they’ve agreed to meet at a designated spot without being told?
“Hmm… it’s too early, so I thought I’d watch a movie before starting to look around… are you waiting for someone?”
The man approached with a slow smile. For a moment, Seo Chi-young stared at him, not knowing what to say.
Yes, this was why he had come here in the first place. He didn’t know if the man before him had any illnesses or eccentricities, but he didn’t feel any aversion toward him. He was neither too much nor too little for a brief encounter. But.
“No… I…”
Seo Chi-young stood up awkwardly. He didn’t feel like doing it now. Self-loathing and endless discouragement were weighing down his chest. However, the man seemed to interpret Seo Chi-young’s ambiguous words differently. He tilted his head, raising an eyebrow in curiosity, and then gave a smirk as if he understood. His gaze, scanning Seo Chi-young from head to toe, narrowed slightly.
“Ah, I see. Hmm… you’re not bad. How much? Do you want it upfront?”
The man pulled a wallet from his inner pocket, and Seo Chi-young’s face instantly froze. This was truly not why he had come here.
“No, I’m not… I don’t do that.”
I don’t do that, he had said. Seo Chi-young scoffed at his own impulsive mutter and pushed past the man, almost running away. He heard the man shout something behind him, but he didn’t look back.
Feeling something closer to misery than embarrassment, Seo Chi-young retraced his steps. He practically ran down the long stairs leading from the deserted front of the shopping mall to the bus stop, nearly stumbling as he went.
He shouldn’t have come. Truly.
Seo Chi-young grit his teeth. At that moment, his foot, stepping without thought of which side came first, missed a step. He swayed and nearly fell, but he managed to avoid tumbling down the stairs by grabbing the railing.
“Ugh…”
It felt like he had slightly sprained his ankle. It wasn’t serious and would heal quickly, but Seo Chi-young stopped, leaning on his knee and bending his body for a moment before slowly moving his foot. He limped down the stairs, clutching the railing. A sigh, like a lament, escaped him.
However, that sigh was swallowed back into his mouth the moment he turned at the landing.
Two steps below the landing, leaning against the wall on a wide stair, stood Jang Ui-geon. With his arms crossed and a cigarette in his mouth, he looked up at Seo Chi-young, who had come to a dead stop.
“……..”
“I was just wondering what to do.”
Jang Ui-geon spoke calmly. White smoke leaked and scattered from between his lips as he spoke.
“I don’t like meddling in other people’s business, but I’ve been hearing quite often lately that some truly dangerous types frequent that park area, and some people have even ended up in the hospital. …..But then again, there are probably more decent people than dangerous ones proportionally, and besides, if Chi-young’s taste is on the harder side, then I’d really be overstepping my bounds by meddling…”
Seo Chi-young just stood there, staring blankly at Jang Ui-geon. He had never dreamed that the man would be here. Especially with a heart of concern for him. Even if it was nothing more than the simple concern one has for an acquaintance, he had never imagined that Jang Ui-geon would worry about him.
“…….”
Only after opening his mouth did Seo Chi-young realize he didn’t know what to say; he mumbled a bit, then closed his mouth again and slowly shook his head. Jang Ui-geon looked at him with a somewhat awkward expression and flicked the cigarette to the ground.
“……It’s, it’s been a few years since I’ve been to a place like this…… I didn’t know.”
When Seo Chi-young finally spoke hesitantly, Jang Ui-geon nodded and said simply, “I thought as much.” Then, he gave a small, usual smile.
“People who are well-versed in this scene—myself included—can tell just by reading the room. Ha, though that intuition is only useful for finding a partner who won’t cause trouble afterward.”
Jang Ui-geon’s tone held a light playfulness, as if trying to soften the awkward atmosphere, but Seo Chi-young didn’t smile as he usually would. He couldn’t smile.
He didn’t know how to describe this feeling. The suffocating discouragement and misery that had occupied him until he missed his step, and the overwhelming emotion now mixing with that lingering feeling.
“…..And me?”
“Pardon?”
“Do I… look like I’d cause trouble?”
As Seo Chi-young asked while staring only at the ground, Jang Ui-geon fell silent. He didn’t even know what state of mind he was in when he asked. But as he blurted out the words and glared at the ground, the back of his neck slowly grew hot.
The words contained a meaning so blatant that anyone who wasn’t a fool would understand, and for a while, no answer came from Jang Ui-geon. Because Seo Chi-young kept his head bowed, he couldn’t see what kind of expression the man wore.
Even though it was only recently that Jang Ui-geon had indirectly blocked Seo Chi-young’s heart, and even though he had certainly harbored no expectations or hope, those words had come out of his mouth.
A brief silence followed. It probably wasn’t long, but for Seo Chi-young, it felt as if an eternity had passed, making his head spin. Jang Ui-geon’s answer returned as a troubled sigh.
“…..Whether it’s affection or the opposite, the fewer sentimental feelings you have for the other person, the cleaner a casual relationship is, without any aftermath.”
A troubled voice mixed with a sigh followed. Once again, he recognized it immediately as a roundabout rejection.
Click. His heart sank a fraction. He hadn’t expected a dream-like answer from the start, but the human heart is a fickle thing; even though it was the expected answer, he felt disappointed.
He knew after all. Jang Ui-geon had already known that Seo Chi-young had feelings for him; he just hadn’t shown it. He had suspected as much.
Seo Chi-young nodded. Lacking the courage to lift his gaze, he looked only at his feet. No, I can’t do this. He should lift his head nonchalantly and say, “Yes, I understand,” or “It can’t be helped.” If he didn’t, Jang Ui-geon would continue to look at him with that troubled expression.
However, lacking the confidence to maintain a poker face, Seo Chi-young couldn’t lift his head despite his distress. In front of him, Jang Ui-geon remained silent, whether out of awkwardness or deep in thought.
He felt it would be best to leave this spot somehow. Even if it was awkward now, he felt that leaving a brief greeting like “I’ll be going then” would allow both himself and Jang Ui-geon to breathe, so Seo Chi-young lifted his head. He opened his mouth to say, “I’ll go first.”
But before Seo Chi-young could speak, Jang Ui-geon, who seemed to have been watching him all along, spoke abruptly the moment their eyes met.
“Do you want to try it with me?”
Despite the context, there was no way he could misunderstand what those words meant, yet for a moment, Seo Chi-young couldn’t process what he had heard.
“……”
There was no way he had misunderstood. The words he had heard moments ago along with a sigh were clearly a rejection. And yet, it was perhaps natural that Seo Chi-young couldn’t comprehend the offer to “try it” with him.
Staring at Jang Ui-geon as if he had lost his soul, Seo Chi-young seemed to have nodded at some point. Or perhaps his head had trembled because his body had momentarily flinched.
Jang Ui-geon nodded slightly and reached out his hand, saying, “Then let’s go.” Seo Chi-young looked at the faint smile on Jang Ui-geon’s lips and then looked down at his hand.
The hesitation was not long. Seo Chi-young quietly took Jang Ui-geon’s hand, and the man gently wrapped his fingers around Seo Chi-young’s hand and began to climb the stairs again.
Seo Chi-young had no memory of what he had said. No, he couldn’t even remember how he had entered this room. The only thing remaining in all his senses was that the hand of Jang Ui-geon, which had been holding his, was warm. That was all.
He didn’t even know when he had let go of that hand. Standing still and staring blankly at his empty hand, Seo Chi-young only lifted his head after hearing the sound of a low laugh. But as he lifted his head, he flinched, his body visibly shrinking.
Jang Ui-geon was there, only a few steps away. Already shirtless, with his jacket and shirt hanging on the rack, he was undoing his belt and lowering his zipper.
“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to faint. ……You’re not sick, are you?”
Jang Ui-geon spoke with a light laugh, but halfway through, he momentarily wiped the smile from his face, perhaps wondering if something was wrong. Only then did Seo Chi-young quickly shake his head.
“No, I’m, I’m not si—”
As Seo Chi-young stammered, the man, who had already hung his trousers on the rack, nodded as if relieved. Then, he walked over to the mini-bar, brewed some tea that had been provided, and brought it over.
“Drink this. You’ll calm down once something warm goes inside.”
Taking the mug offered with a tender voice, Seo Chi-young mumbled a “thank you” and brought the cup of warm herbal tea to his lips. He swallowed the tea sip by sip without even knowing what it tasted like, but his heart still wouldn’t settle.
It felt as if the body heat from Jang Ui-geon, who was standing half-naked right next to him, was being transmitted through the air. His hands trembled anxiously.
It was strange. It certainly couldn’t be a dream, yet his mind felt as if it were drifting somewhere else. While reason was operating in a corner of his head, that reason only kept repeating useless words—telling him to wake up, to calm down—and the rest of his mind was a blur.
“Aren’t you going to undress? I feel a bit shy being the only one like this.”
Only upon hearing those words did Seo Chi-young startle and quickly move his hands. However, his fingers wouldn’t move properly, and he couldn’t seem to undo the buttons of his shirt. It took a long time just to undo the top button at the collar and the one below it.
Unable to watch any longer, Jang Ui-geon approached. He readily reached out and began to undo the buttons of Seo Chi-young’s shirt. Watching the large hand easily undo the buttons in bewilderment, Seo Chi-young instinctively grabbed that hand when it reached the waistband of his trousers. However, he couldn’t pull the hand away nor let it go, only looking down with a face of utter confusion.
Then, he heard a quiet question from above.
“Shall we just go back?”
Flinching, Seo Chi-young widened his eyes and looked up at Jang Ui-geon. Jang Ui-geon was looking at him calmly, with the same face he had shown elsewhere.
He was giving Seo Chi-young another chance. He was telling Seo Chi-young, who had followed him almost impulsively rather than by a choice with clear intent, that it was okay to turn back now.
Looking at Jang Ui-geon anxiously, Seo Chi-young suddenly shifted his gaze to his own reflection in the mirror beside them.
The trembling pupils, the lips bitten anxiously and drained of color, the pale face—everything seemed to plead for him to escape this place.
But.
“……..”
Seo Chi-young slowly let go of his hand. Jang Ui-geon, who had been staring intently at Seo Chi-young, asked again, “Are you really okay?” Seo Chi-young nodded.
The hand that seemed about to lower the zipper of his trousers unexpectedly pulled away from the waistband. However, the momentary sense of relief didn’t have time to linger in his heart.
“……….!”
Jang Ui-geon wrapped his arm generously around Seo Chi-young’s waist and pulled him in. A tongue pushed softly between lips that met slowly yet decisively. He felt breathless. Jang Ui-geon, who had been slowly and tenderly exploring the inside of the stiffened Seo Chi-young’s mouth with his tongue, gently laid Seo Chi-young down on the bed. As the cool, soft touch of the sheets hit his back, only then did Seo Chi-young realize that his top had been removed.
His body pressed against Jang Ui-geon, who lay atop him, kissing various parts of his face. Skin touched skin, and the hot body temperature was vividly transmitted. Suddenly, the acute feeling of being skin-to-skin with this man hit him, and Seo Chi-young’s face flushed deep red.
Jang Ui-geon, who had been repeatedly kissing Seo Chi-young’s cheek, chin, and neck, suddenly stopped. Looking down at Seo Chi-young from less than a handspan away, he asked with a bitter smile.
“Are you okay?”
It was a quiet, gentle voice that sounded as if he would withdraw immediately if Seo Chi-young shook his head. Even with his frozen mind, Seo Chi-young gave an awkward nod. Then, after a brief silence, the man kissed Seo Chi-young’s cheek lightly and whispered.
“Tell me whenever you don’t like it.”
His attitude was as polite and tender as the sensation of his lips moving softly from the cheek to the neck. Vaguely thinking that this was exactly what it meant to be a gentleman, Seo Chi-young struggled to gather his senses.
What should he do? What was happening? He couldn’t tell, but he reached out his hesitating arms and pulled Jang Ui-geon’s head closer. Jang Ui-geon, who had been kissing his collarbone, paused for a moment, but soon his breath touched the collarbone as if he were smiling. The moment he felt that breath, a shiver ran down his spine, and Seo Chi-young flinched. He lightly kissed Jang Ui-geon’s temple, which was right in front of his lips. His heart raced wildly. However, as if trying to hide that agitation, he continued to press his lips against Jang Ui-geon’s temple, forehead, and hair over and over again.