By Zephyria 
In truth, parting with Seo Baek-han wasn’t unfamiliar.
When I left him behind and headed to Seoul after he stubbornly followed me into the restricted area right after the press conference in front of the Ferris wheel. On the day I decided to flee to America, just before boarding, when he even bought a plane ticket he wouldn’t use and came to the airport lounge. When I couldn’t control my anger and came home alone from the diner we’d been frequenting lately, even though I knew I was reacting somewhat sensitively under the guise of trauma.
Was it a farewell procedure? Or should I call it a ritual before parting? Whatever it was, I know it’s a ridiculous thing to say, but I had gone through that kind of thing with Seo Baek-han several times. And very noisily at that.
Even back then, I thought, this is the end, it’s really over… But deep down, I always had a faint feeling that I would meet this man again someday. And that was also true. As long as Seo Baek-han is the Director of the Royal Hospital and I am the youngest son of the DH Group, we can’t live without seeing each other forever.
But why? Why do I have the feeling that this time, facing each other like this will be the last time…?
Joo Tae-hyun ruminated on the aching sensation that welled up without him realizing it, and then marked a suspicious part of the press release he had received earlier. All he did was mark the bothersome words and the parts that seemed to need more explanation, but Seo Baek-han would understand his intentions without further explanation.
Indeed. As soon as he returned the tablet, he immediately proceeded with the follow-up procedures. He probably wasn’t doing this on purpose to suit my mood. My new proposal, which omitted many things, must have suited Seo Baek-han’s taste as well.
We were just a show window couple, but it was undeniable that we had become accustomed to each other while we were together. From the way we worked to the amount of ice we put in our glasses. I didn’t realize it before, but this man and I shared more than I thought. Is it because we’re coming to an end? There are things I’m seeing now, things I’m realizing.
On the other hand, Seo Baek-han was only calm, not like someone who was about to leave without even filling 12 hours, let alone 24 hours. Maybe I’m just getting strange thoughts because of his seemingly indifferent attitude. When I open my eyes tomorrow, Seo Baek-han will still be there with a serious face, looking at the delivery app and worrying about what to have for breakfast…
The long unrequited love was, literally, only done by me, so let’s leave that out of the discussion, and if we only count the years, I lived as a couple with Seo Baek-han for about 6 years. Not a short time, but not a long time either.
There are couples who break up after dating for 10 years, and there are couples who divorce after living together for 40 years, so what’s so special about just 6 years…? Joo Tae-hyun kept combing back his innocent hair with his hands.
“Not there, here.”
Seo Baek-han, who I thought was only focused on the tablet screen, suddenly reached out and stroked Joo Tae-hyun’s side hair. I flinched for a moment at his touch, which was devoid of ulterior motives and even a little clumsy. When I reflected my appearance in the phone screen, only that side hair was sticking out, drawing a fierce comma.
Why didn’t he tell me until now? It must have been like this since right after I woke up. When I glanced at Seo Baek-han with doubt, he didn’t miss my fleeting gaze and replied nonchalantly.
“Because it’s cute.”
The thing sticking up like a goblin’s horn was cute, so he was just watching it. But you didn’t know anything and were looking at the press release with a serious face.
“…What’s so cute about that?”
“That’s how cute it is, Joo Tae-hyun.”
Seo Baek-han said that and smiled again. It wasn’t just a day or two that he treated me like a child, but I never got used to him saying cute or pretty things to me, who wouldn’t lose out to anyone in terms of height or build.
“I’m going to say it as much as I can. I don’t want to regret even this later.”
He gave me an answer, presumptuously reading the meaning hidden in my indifferent face.
For a week, Seo Baek-han didn’t say he was sorry, he didn’t say thank you, and he didn’t even say he loved me. Instead, he described me with a variety of expressions that I had never heard before. The words cute and pretty had the highest share, but he often said things that even my family in Seoul would question. Since the day before yesterday, he had suddenly said that I looked like a cartoon character, but the characters he picked were round and cute ones that didn’t resemble me at all, which only made me feel embarrassed.
“Tae-hyun, what’s your schedule like tomorrow?”
“Hmm, I really have to go to the lab tomorrow, so I’m thinking of taking my medicine and going to bed early today.”
“Medicine? What medicine? Sleeping pills?”
“Ah, yes. I don’t take it every day… only when I need to sleep soundly through the night without waking up.”
“…Okay. Should we just make some ramen for dinner?”
I couldn’t read any signs of deception from Seo Baek-han, who was consistently calm. It didn’t seem like he wanted to gain my attention by pretending to be selfless. He was just acting aloof, as if his goal was to spend this ordinary day and leave quietly.
“No, as for ramen… I’ll make it.”
“Why?”
“Do you really not know why you’re asking? You don’t make ramen, you make something like Han River water, Hyung.”
“Ah, so in Seoul, they call it Han River water. In Pyongyang, they call it Daedong River water.”
Seo Baek-han, who let out a fresh exclamation, nodded, telling me to do as I pleased. Then he rattled off requests such as making sure to put in at least two eggs, and that he liked the noodles to be chewy… Joo Tae-hyun couldn’t help but chuckle at him.
Is this how it ends with this man?
This kind of ending doesn’t seem so bad. No, it’s not just not bad… it’s good. I think it’s probably good. It’s a much better situation than when we were just drawing parallel lines and repeating meaningless things.
“Tae-hyun, I forwarded you an email from Secretary Nam, can you take a look at it?”
“Ah, yes.”
…Or is it?
Joo Tae-hyun tapped his chest, which felt somehow achy.
Even though he kept repeating that this was like a farewell ritual, he still couldn’t believe that he would never see Seo Baek-han again in his life.
*
The preparations for returning home, which had started at 2 a.m., were not finished until after 8 a.m. The luggage wasn’t that much, but it was necessary to re-coordinate with the secretaries on how to handle the tightly packed schedule immediately after returning home.
“Are you going to check in right away?”
“Yes. Let’s continue talking about the rest in the lounge.”
When he said that it would be more comfortable that way, the secretaries nodded. Even if you sit in a good seat, the process up to boarding is just cumbersome.
10:40 a.m. Seo Baek-han stared blankly at the numbers that the clock hands were passing by, then put his hand in his coat pocket. Today was the last day he could act so cocky. From the moment the arrival gate opened, he had to be careful about every single action.
“Um… Director.”
Secretary Han, who had been busy overseeing his U.S. schedule with Secretary Nam, spoke cautiously, saying that it might be a rude thing to say. Seo Baek-han’s philosophy was that if it was something that seemed rude, it was better not to say it in the first place, but he couldn’t help but feel sorry for the secretaries who had been working hard since dawn, so he just gave them a look. As if to say, continue talking.
“Should you… wait a little longer?”
“Wait?”
“Well… maybe, Young Master might.”
Secretary Han expressed a vain hope that Joo Tae-hyun might show up. Well, he had been holed up in his house until just before leaving, so he might have had some expectations. If he returned home like this, his superior’s health problems would frequently hold him back, so from the secretaries’ point of view, they would want to grab onto any lifeline.
“I know what you mean, but Tae-hyun and I have settled everything.”
But it was already over.
He had wanted to hold onto Joo Tae-hyun so much that he had stubbornly followed him all the way to America, making all sorts of excuses. He had once had the expectation that if he kept dragging things out like this, the talk of divorce would slowly fade away…
“It was a refreshing and clean ending, more than I deserved.”
It’s okay now.
I’m letting you go because I love you, I’m breaking up because I love you. I treated it as the biggest load of crap, but after experiencing it, I think I understand. That such an ending is possible.
Of course, I will continue to miss Joo Tae-hyun for a very long time after that, but that was the original sin that I had to bear. I only hoped that new flesh would grow on Joo Tae-hyun’s heart.