By Zephyria 
Hyung and Morae, their hands clasped tightly, walked through the lobby and entered the coffee shop. It was a sight rarely seen. Hyung’s face was tense, his eyes scanning their surroundings, but Morae, who quickly spotted me and waved, was her usual self.
“You got a good spot, didn’t you? Seo Yi-hyun.”
Sinking onto the sofa opposite me, who was seated by the window with a grand piano behind me, Morae spoke of her luck in securing a window seat as if she had come here to spend her leisure time.
The lobby coffee shop of a five-star hotel nestled in Namsan. This was the meeting place she had chosen herself.
Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, which must have been at least three stories high, the hazy gray Seoul cityscape, still being sprinkled by rain, stretched out below. The city beyond the Han River was blurred by the downpour and the mist it created, but on a clear day, it seemed possible to see quite far.
“Your CEO isn’t running a private investigator agency as a side hustle, is he? Or maybe he’s done some running from the law in the past.”
As the coffee shop staff took their order and left, Morae leaned her arms on the table, tilting her upper body forward, and asked playfully. Her usual tone made me wonder if I had misunderstood the reason for our meeting.
He had called around noon, mentioning that he had secured a temporary residence for Hyung and Morae, suggesting they should move out of their home immediately. He also recommended that place as the meeting spot with Great Uncle, citing its thorough security. He added that if they were mentally prepared, he had arrangements for them to leave Seoul immediately, either tomorrow or even tonight.
I, who had been lost in a sleep as deep as death, couldn’t keep up with his pace with my dulled mind. While I had expected his work to be efficient, I couldn’t help but be surprised by his speed and meticulous execution, which exceeded my expectations.
Immediately after ending the call with him, I got out of bed and called Morae. I confessed everything, from the reason she had disappeared last night, to the matter of the deposit, and the plan he had prepared. It was a long call, lasting a full hour.
After hearing everything and filling in the gaps in my explanation with a few questions, Morae said she couldn’t trust him for now.
It wasn’t because he was a suspicious person, but because, at present, no one could be blindly trusted, a sentiment I somewhat agreed with. To me, he was trustworthy, but to her, he was a stranger she had never met. And she was a very cautious person, too.
Morae and Hyung, having put all his proposals on hold for the moment, quickly moved their belongings to the home of the owner of ‘What Happened in Bali,’ and decided on this place as the meeting spot. Their plan was to make further decisions after meeting Great Uncle.
“That… that’s unlikely, probably.”
Imagining him, dressed like the director of the private investigator agency I had met with Hyung and Morae before, dealing with a client on the fourth floor of a dilapidated building without an elevator, asking him to capture evidence of a spouse’s infidelity, I shook my head.
“I thought maybe you’d gotten help from an expert because the escape plan was so meticulous.”
Morae, who had been leaning back against the table and drinking water, suddenly put down her glass and leaned further towards me. Her eyes widened slightly.
“But what’s wrong with your lips?”
I flinched and instinctively pulled back.
“Uh, I ate ramen before bed this morning… did they swell up like that?”
I reflexively touched my lower lip, as if to hide it, and asked back. I was surprised by how calmly I managed to deflect. The fact that I even asked if they were that swollen felt unfamiliar. It was a rather skillful response for me, but cold sweat was trickling down my back.
“Your lower lip looks a bit… swollen. I thought you’d been bitten by something. You, who never swells up easily, what’s going on?”
Morae tilted her glass, as if to dismiss her curiosity, and popped an ice cube into her mouth.
As soon as Morae’s back touched the sofa, Hyung suddenly jumped up from his seat, scattering my focus from my lips. Morae and I turned our heads to where Hyung was looking.
Crunch. The sound of Morae chewing and swallowing the ice in her mouth was unusually vivid. Her gaze had cooled, her eyes masking her usual relaxed demeanor.
Wearing a thin, khaki summer jacket with a collar, hiking pants, sneakers, and a worn baseball cap with a faded brim, Great Uncle looked like someone anyone would find suspicious, appearing in the coffee shop of a luxury hotel.
One could easily become a suspicious person from being an ordinary, good citizen. At the fisheries cooperative market, Great Uncle had blended in like camouflage, an ordinary fisherman among the crowd, but here, he had become a suspicious figure, drawing wary glances from hotel staff and curious glances from some guests.
A tall, sophisticated middle-aged man, who appeared to be around Great Uncle’s age, walked past with a serious expression, talking with a foreigner in a suit, and glanced at Great Uncle as he passed through the hall. I found it difficult to watch and turned my head away.
“I’m sorry for asking you to come to a place like this. Is it inconvenient?”
“No.”
Morae, who had stood up and was waiting for Great Uncle to approach, politely guided him to the seat next to me.
“It’s not that we don’t trust you, Uncle. It’s that we don’t trust our father… We thought he might be planning to use you as bait to lure us away, so we suggested meeting here. You’re the type to do something like that, you know.”
Great Uncle nodded as if he understood and picked up my water glass, draining it in one gulp, leaving only the ice.
Hyung and Morae’s iced coffees were served. When the staff asked if he would like to order, Great Uncle simply replied, “Coffee.” His rough, thick hands repeatedly clenched on his thighs, his profile stiff with tension.
The current situation, which I had briefly explained to them over the phone, was reconfirmed by Morae. To Morae’s calm question, asking if the situation was indeed as it was, Great Uncle nodded. Morae let out a heavy sigh and added a sincere apology.
Great Uncle showed no reaction to the apology and, after a long pause, opened his mouth with a weary expression.
“What are you… planning to do now?”
“What do you mean?”
Morae’s hand, which had been about to reach out, was tightly held by Hyung as he started to retort.
“We’ll stay together. Until we decide we don’t want to be together anymore.”
Great Uncle, who had been silently looking between the two from under the deep brim of his baseball cap, let out a deep groan, like a wounded animal, laden with unspoken words, and averted his gaze.
As they were leaving after their meeting, four or five elegant middle-aged women passed by us, exchanging pleasantries in cheerful voices. As the surroundings quieted down again and only Schumann’s piano trio played softly, Great Uncle spoke, his voice heavier than his previous groan.
“Even if I… kneel here and beg, is there no way… you can come back?”
“……”
Everyone present was speechless.
Hyung’s face was the first to contort, flushing red, as if he had heard a deeply insulting demand. Next, his eyes welled up, turning red.
“Who wants to see Father kneel? Do you think we’re doing this to torment you and win? If Father kneels, do you think I’ll be happy, that I’ll eagerly follow along, saying this is what I wanted?”
I know what Hyung is upset about. I also know that this anger isn’t directed at Great Uncle. Morae and Hyung didn’t categorize the people involved in this situation as perpetrators and victims, and while they judged their own choices as justified, they were also tormented by guilt towards their parents.
If this had been on a boat, at a port, or on the cement yard of Grandfather’s house, Great Uncle would have struck Hyung down with his thick palm without hesitation. But now, despite Hyung’s raised voice of defiance, he only lowered his head deeper, like a sinner.
Seeing that, Hyung clenched his fists and turned away. Morae, frozen as if preserved, stared at the melting ice in a glass beaded with water droplets on the table, her expression blank, devoid of anger or sadness, lost in thought.
Because he had only said ‘Coffee,’ Great Uncle’s coffee was served hot. But it wouldn’t have mattered what kind of coffee it was. As if unable to feel the heat or taste, Great Uncle picked up the coffee cup, which looked too small for his hands and fingers, took a sip of the hot coffee, and then set the cup down.
“I’m an uneducated man, so I don’t understand concepts like freedom of choice or self that you talk about. Honestly, I think you’re just playing house foolishly, driven by youthful passion and emotion. I understand that right now, you feel like you’ll die if you’re separated, or can’t live without each other… I don’t entirely dismiss those feelings.”
As I listened to Great Uncle’s words, I too found myself clenching my hands on my lap. It made me more anxious than before, when he used to just scold without trying to understand. Empathy was more effective in persuading people than coercion or pressure, and besides, the two were already suffering from guilt.
Unaware of my quickening breath, Great Uncle continued.
“But having lived this long… I know that even the most enduring flame eventually dies down. Hani, and Morae, you too… for your parents’ sake… are you truly not considering enduring the immediate pain and letting go of your feelings?”
I grabbed Great Uncle’s forearm, sitting beside me, as if pleading, almost recoiling.
“Don’t you see what will happen if you separate those two… Father, can’t you see?”
It was an uncharacteristic action, and a role not given to me as a mere third party, but I couldn’t just stand by and watch, fearing that the two might waver in front of their parents showing weakness.
Great Uncle’s yellowish eyes, with their opaque borders around the pupils, turned to me. It was as if he was saying, ‘How could I not know?’ and also, ‘Morae and Hyung are different from your father.’
But I know. Having been by their side for over five years, I knew better than Great Uncle, better than Mr. Im.
I could use his exact words from last night.
Hyung and Morae were not just a romantic couple; they were a set that was only complete when they were together. The tragedy that occurred when such people were unnaturally separated was my father, and the ruined work created by that tragedy was me now. I couldn’t let that repeat with Hyung and Morae.
Morae, who had been staring at a spot on the table, opened her mouth in a dry voice, devoid of emotion.
“As you say, we won’t die without Seo Yi-han.”
“……”
My anxious gaze naturally turned to Morae. The grip on Great Uncle’s arm loosened.
“Do you think I don’t know that staying with just Hani means I’m hurting my parents and my brothers, being unfilial? I will carry that guilt for the rest of my life.”
I was worrying foolishly. If she had been willing to waver at this point, she wouldn’t have left the village in the first place.
“‘My life is my own,’ ‘Children are not parents’ property’… To parents, these must sound like the most wicked words in the world. But we are not making this choice out of pleasure from deceiving and hurting our parents… we are living with as much pain and guilt as the betrayal and worry our parents are feeling right now.”
Adding that she wasn’t asking for them to understand, Morae paused. Her face looked like that of someone who had lived for a very long time. It wasn’t about looking older. It was as if she transcended the myriad worries that drove us into life’s traps and bypassed time. Though it might sound like an exaggeration, I often felt this way from her, not just now.
Even if it meant committing what the world calls unfilial acts, it was to avoid blaming or faulting anyone for her life and choices. It was to uphold the truth that many, including myself, ignore: that one truly becomes the master of their life not by taking only the freedom of choice, but by taking full responsibility for the consequences of that choice… Perhaps Morae and Hyung were not fighting against Mr. Im, Great Uncle, Grandfather, or the world, but against their own lives.
“As you said, all fires eventually die down. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if you’ll understand, but Hani and I weren’t drawn to each other solely because of that burning flame, the feeling of romance, from the beginning.”
Her voice, delivering her story as a mere fact to the other person, maintaining a distance between emotion and herself, reminded me of him from last night.
I didn’t want to dismiss their detached attitude towards life as merely an Alpha’s inherent ability. I didn’t want to render their solitude, conflict, and efforts as nothing. Yooni Noona and Juhan Hyung were Betas, but they didn’t passively let themselves be transformed into unwanted forms by external intervention. The classification of Alpha or Beta was meaningless in the face of the weight of suffering life demanded as the price for gaining the strength to live without deceiving oneself.
My hand, which had been resting powerlessly on Great Uncle’s arm, unconsciously clutched my chest. Morae, who sent me a brief, worried glance, took a few sips of her coffee, now increased in volume as the ice melted, and said in a firm voice.
“First, we’ll help you get rid of the debt you owe.”
She seemed to have decided to accept his proposal, which I had brought.
Great Uncle’s gaze flickered with confusion at the mention of paying off debt. His eyes asked, ‘How?’
“Once that’s paid off, at least on the surface, you’ll have no excuse for him to threaten you, so it’s best to resolve that first. We’ll send you the money.”
She didn’t explain the source of the money to Great Uncle. She considered it my choice how much to reveal about the money.
“Of course, even after that, he’ll torment us with all sorts of petty methods. He’s my father, whom I love… but that’s the kind of person he is…”
Morae paused, her gaze shifting to the window. Her father, whom she loved more than anyone because he was her father, but for whom, apart from the blood tie of parent and child, there was little substantial basis for love and respect… For the first time, many emotions flickered across her face as she thought of her father.
When she slowly shifted her gaze back to the table, her face had returned to its previous state, devoid of emotional vulnerability. But it wasn’t a look of indifference; rather, it conveyed a pain like having a mouthful of extremely bitter juice.
With a seemingly unfazed, empty expression and voice, she said.
“If you truly feel that this situation is unbearable, please tell Father. Tell him that his monstrous daughter, a female Alpha, thanks him for raising her… and that he should stop worrying so much and just live in peace.”
As she deliberately slowed her speech, not allowing herself to be overcome by emotion, Hyung and I almost stopped breathing. Great Uncle looked as if he hadn’t immediately grasped what he had heard.
By giving him the weapon of her father’s greatest secret – her being an Alpha – she was providing Great Uncle with a means to confront her father. That heavy secret, which had long been a burden, a chain, and a part of herself.
“Even if you just say that… Father will understand what it means. Don’t worry about what happens next.”
Morae was about to pay the bill, but Great Uncle, for the first time since sitting down, refused to yield. He took out several bills from his old brown wallet, which he didn’t usually carry, for the four of us’s drinks. After that, there were almost no bills left inside.
After leaving the lobby, in front of the hotel’s main entrance, Great Uncle asked if there was a place to smoke, and as the doorman guided us, we went around the right side of the building and moved to the smoking area.
Above us, a wide eaves extending from the hotel’s main entrance hung down, but the rain continued.
Perhaps because the temperature had dropped due to the prolonged rain, the weather was such that despite the high humidity, no heat was felt. My exposed arms felt slightly cool instead.
The three of us watched blankly as the smoke rising from the tip of the cigarette, which seemed like an extension of Great Uncle’s body, was sucked into the rain.
“You two, you’ve liked each other since middle school.”
Great Uncle’s eyes were fumbling through the streaks of rain.
“It must have been the winter of Han’s third year of middle school… Morae, you steamed lobster at home and said it was incredibly delicious, so you brought about three or four to our house around dinnertime, asking us to try some. In the dead of winter. You said it was for us to try, but how could I not know you came because you wanted to feed Han?”
“At that time, I was washing up at the water pump when I opened the door… I still vividly remember your face, standing at the gate with the pot.”
Hoo, Great Uncle took a deep drag of his cigarette with a short breath, and with his blunt fingertips, he expertly flicked off the ash.
“I’m ignorant and have spent my life just trying to make ends meet, so I haven’t been able to live my life by dissecting things like love… but when there’s something delicious, I want to feed it to someone, and until I feed it to them, I can’t even swallow delicacies myself… That must be love.”
Great Uncle shrugged and chuckled, as if the very act of uttering the word “love,” or defining love in this way, felt awkward and ridiculous.
“Wherever you go… don’t tell anyone, not me, not anyone. If you happen to tell me, I might break down under your father’s threats, so just… live without saying a word to anyone.”
Great Uncle said that indifferently, then exhaled the last puff of his cigarette with a particularly long exhale, adding like a sigh.
“Your father, too, won’t he forgive you someday as time passes? He’s been so incredibly protective of you since you were little.”
It was then that Morae burst into tears.
It was at a timing no one had expected. No, I had never even imagined Morae crying. Especially in a situation like this, I had thought she was a strong person who would somehow, out of sheer will, swallow any tears that might storm over her, never revealing her naked emotions.
But Morae cried.
Like a child who tripped and fell alone on flat ground with no stones, without any preamble.
At that one sentence, ‘He’s been so incredibly protective of you since you were little, won’t he forgive you someday?’
She didn’t just cry silently; she literally burst into tears. Hyung embraced Morae, who was covering her eyes with her right hand and crying while biting her lip.
Even if the world saw him as the wicked ‘Mr. Im’ who only cared about money, he was a father who would bring the world to Morae if she wanted it. Perhaps because he was so endlessly weak towards her, she must have suffered even more on her way here.
Wasn’t my own unconscious prejudice—that she wouldn’t cry, that not showing tears was strength—one of the reasons that had driven her into situations where she couldn’t cry until now?
Unable to look directly at her, I stared down at my feet, and then, escorting Great Uncle, who was flustered by Morae’s tears, I walked back towards the main entrance.
“I’ll go with my sister and Hyung. Please go down safely. The money… I should be able to send it soon.”
Great Uncle, with one hand in his pocket and the other rubbing his mouth, looked back at me.
“About that, where are you kids getting the money to send it?”
His worry-stricken face made the wrinkles around his mouth seem even deeper.
Since the advance payment I was to receive before even starting the work was essentially a debt, I wasn’t entirely comfortable, so I hesitated, my lips parting, and answered with a sigh.
“I… I’m painting again.”
“……”
“Someone who liked my old paintings has offered me a good deal to paint again… It’s not strange or dangerous money, so please don’t worry, just pay off the debt first.”
I strongly shook my head at Great Uncle, who insisted on sending me back some amount each month.
My parents were people who were satisfied as long as they could continue painting while maintaining a minimal livelihood, so our household had no spare funds to speak of. I was old enough to know that taking care of my father and me in that state must have been a great burden on the household. Moreover, unless there was a significant change in his disposition, my father would likely not leave that place. Paying off this debt didn’t mean Great Uncle needed to feel guilty towards me. Rather, I was the one who should feel sorry.
Watching Great Uncle’s back as he peeled off the plastic wrap from the automatic packaging machine and was about to open his umbrella, I hesitated before speaking.
I didn’t want to ask out of a pointless defiance that no one would acknowledge, but I couldn’t not ask. Driven by the pull of kinship, a sense of injustice surged within me.
“How is… Father?”
“……”
Great Uncle turned, his lips tightening once, but he offered no further answer. I smiled weakly, as if to say I understood, and rubbed the back of my neck.
The reason I had revealed the source of the money was partly to reassure Great Uncle by framing it as payment for painting again, but I couldn’t deny that a part of me also hoped the news of my return to painting would reach my father’s ears.
However, I didn’t want to ask him to relay the message to my father.
It was a solo struggle, a desperate attempt to prove to Great Uncle, to my father, and to myself, that I didn’t care what my father thought.
I watched Great Uncle walk away with his old umbrella, onto the elegant red brick path where luxury sedans lined up and departed, then I averted my gaze.
Despite the rain that had been falling all day with varying intensity, many people were visiting the hotel. Well, for people who descended from their cars under the wide canopy and moved directly indoors without ever unfolding an umbrella, the rainy season wouldn’t be a major obstacle to going out.
Leaning against a pillar slightly off to the side of the main entrance, watching people enter and exit the hotel, I felt a strange disconnect from reality. It was a completely different world from the village of old, where Great Uncle was the standard of normalcy.
The people here, adorned in luxurious clothing and exuding an air of relaxed confidence, felt like the standard of normalcy, and it felt as if most people lived this way, as if everyone here had a similar impression. Just as the people auctioning off horse mackerel caught that morning at the Fisheries Cooperative market looked alike, like brothers.
Now that even Great Uncle had left, I, in my worn jeans and Converse sneakers, was the only one here with a dissonant color.
Despite feeling a somewhat uncomfortable distance with such thoughts, it was amusing that I, too, was one of those who arrived here in a nice car.
“I washed and dried the clothes you wore yesterday. They’re on the shelf across from the bathroom, so wear them. There’s some fruit in the fridge, and bread on the table, so eat a little before you go.”
After that, I had to cut off his words, as he worried even about my wet shoes, and say in a voice barely above a whisper, that it was enough, and that I was so sorry and grateful. I felt shamelessly brazen, having slept soundly while he was worrying about even the aftermath of my wet clothes.
And he said that for safety’s sake, it would be best to use the car he had prepared for the day.
I declined, saying it wasn’t necessary, but he was firm, stating this wasn’t kindness but preparation against danger. He explained that it was dangerous to use public transportation, as we didn’t know what plans Morae’s father might be hiding.
After finishing my preparations in the empty house, feeling awkward, I went out to the front gate. As he had said, a large black sedan stood in the rain. A driver, who must have received his contact beforehand, stood in front of the car, holding an umbrella.
He had suggested that I take Morae and Hyung in that car to the meeting place, but Morae had refused, suspecting it might be a ploy to take them to her father as soon as they were in the car.
Watching the two of them, who grew up in the same environment like siblings, suspecting the situation in such a similar way, I laughed weakly to myself. Then, Morae and Hyung appeared from the corner of the building. I pushed myself off the pillar I was leaning against.
Morae had calmed down. Instead of looking embarrassed or shy about her crying earlier, she smiled at me, holding Hyung’s hand, just like usual, and I smiled back.
Everyone around them, including the owner of the surf shop, had told Hyung, half-jokingly and half-seriously, that he had to treat Morae really well, that Morae was a hundred times better. And honestly, I, too, had unknowingly harbored such thoughts to some extent.
But seeing the two of them today, holding each other’s hands tightly, I realized that was merely a superficial view of their relationship.
I remembered his words from last night about the relationship between an artist and their supporter. He had said that most people thought that relationship was unbalanced, leaning towards the artist…
Others who were not part of that relationship could never know the depth of the communion that occurred only between the two of them. All we could see was their behavior when they were with others, and trying to define the balance between the two lovers based on that alone was as rash as judging the taste of a restaurant by its sign.
On the surface, it seemed like Hyung couldn’t live without Morae, but seeing them today, I realized the opposite was also true. It struck me anew.
To both Morae and Hyung, and perhaps shamefully to myself, for the first time, I felt grateful that Hyung was by Morae’s side.
Morae slung her free arm, the one not holding Hyung’s hand, over my shoulder and said casually,
“Is your representative a trustworthy person?”
“Huh?”
I turned my head to look at her. She tilted her chin up slightly, her expression a little awkward, and said,
“My situation is a bit like this. I’ve become even more suspicious than Seo Yi-hyun. Is there any possibility he’s making a deal with my father behind our backs?”
I shook my head.
“He’s worked with the director since Hong Kong, and the director trusts him immensely… And, the representative wouldn’t gain anything by doing something like that.”
He was wealthy enough not to need to be interested in such things for money, and unless he held some past grudge against me from an incident I didn’t know about, there was no reason for him to deliberately put Morae, Hyung, or me in a difficult situation.
Morae took a deep breath and nodded thoughtfully.
“Right. If even the director is involved, it should be safe. Did he say they could leave as soon as tomorrow?”
“Uh? Uh, uh…”
And this time, she squeezed my shoulder firmly and conveyed her decision.
“Let’s owe Seo Yi-hyun a favor this time.”
■ ■ ■
As soon as I came out of the bathroom, the view spread out before me made me freeze again. It was the night view of the Han River, which I saw every day from the director’s apartment, but even there, it was a view that never failed to impress me anew whenever it caught my eye while I was unprepared. The reaction was the same even when seen from a different place.
The city lights spread across the calm water reminded me of Hong Kong’s night view. Memories of Hong Kong came in succession, making me realize how much I had changed and how many grateful opportunities had led me to where I was.
Even when I was waiting for his call in the hotel room to meet Teacher Suki Kim, and now standing by the window of the penthouse in the luxury residence apartment he had prepared for Morae and Hyung, these were moments created by his kindness.
“Is it okay for me to be so complicatedly entangled with you?”
To his question, I had replied that I would repay the debt by doing other work, but in reality, I was afraid. Not of the cliché movie-like development of being caught in a weak spot, of being used… but of the outcome of my heart and emotions becoming increasingly entangled with him, as I gradually came to know that his large hands and broad embrace were not just cold and hard, but also that the many layers of his unique colors, hidden beneath the surface, were filling him…
Woong, woong. The vibration from my phone, placed on the bed, made me turn and walk towards it. The saved name on the screen was ‘Representative.’
The contradictory clash of emotions, a stinging pain and a thrilling excitement attacking me simultaneously, was already overwhelming. Taking a deep breath like a sigh, I sat on the mattress and picked up the phone.
Clearing my throat, I connected the call.
“Yes.”
[…….]
As if he hadn’t expected me to answer. There was a moment of silence from the other end. Then, a sigh that seemed to be suppressing anger, or perhaps deeply relieved, followed.
[Don’t be scared when you see the missed calls later. It’s not because I have stalker tendencies, but because I was worried when you didn’t answer today.]
“I’m sorry. I thought it would be okay now that I told you I arrived safely…”
I had contacted him right in front of the hotel after the two accepted the offer and wanted to leave immediately the next day. He had said there were no problems and that they should pack their bags and head straight to the accommodation he had prepared.
Morae and Hyung, who arrived at the penthouse he had prepared, assuring them it would be safe due to its thorough security, had worried about me, asking if his intention wasn’t to hand us over to their father, but to gain our trust by treating us so well, and then sell me off somewhere.
What profit would he gain by selling me off somewhere? Me, whose only plausible credential was that I had painted somewhat noticeably in the past.
I had contacted him immediately upon entering the accommodation, before even sitting down, so I hadn’t realized he would worry about not being able to connect when I was showering.
[It sounds like I’m asking for a report even when you go to shower, so I guess I sound like a weirdo, saying all this.]
Thinking his worry was excessive, he chuckled sheepishly, and I vigorously shook my head, though he couldn’t see me.
Considering the time, effort, and money he had poured into this matter, he had every right to know the situation in as much detail as he wanted.
“No. It’s just that I’m not very used to contacting people meticulously, so it’s not that you’re strange for worrying… I don’t think so…”
I felt I might have gotten too worked up over something he said casually, so my voice grew softer and more drawn out towards the end.
There was a moment of silence from the other end of the line, and then he spoke with a very soft, smiling voice.
[Thank you for defending me so earnestly in my stead.]
It was a pleasant laugh and voice, like a low resonance that vibrated a heavy metal deep within my throat.
Hearing his voice on the phone made my blood feel like it was draining from my veins. Realizing my condition was more serious than I thought, I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes, feeling a sense of dismay.
He wasn’t deliberately making his voice especially sweet. I was simply receiving everything about him that way.
[So, are you going to sleep between Hyung and your sister, acting spoiled today?]
I liked his voice even more with the added playfulness. Trying to shake off the illusion that his broad chest was against my hunched back, I deliberately got up and moved towards the window.
[It feels like a scam, you know, for someone who had such a passionate night yesterday to pretend to be an innocent younger sibling who knows nothing, between Hyung and your sister.]
His tone was still playful, but I lacked the seasoned skill to parry with a glib response. Frustrated by my immaturity, unable to secure even a sliver of ease in my relationship with him, I pressed my forehead against the window, cooled by the air conditioner’s moderate chill. This wasn’t just a matter of age or experience. It was more about personality.
Perhaps accustomed to my dull reactions by now, he chuckled to himself for a moment before naturally changing the subject.
[How was your body today?]
“Better than before… it was okay.”
The next topic was also difficult for me, but this time I didn’t want to act like an idiot. Though everything was a first with him, I was, after all, a full-fledged adult.
[Hmm… that’s good. Still, I wish you could have rested today. It was uncomfortable, wasn’t it?]
“No, really… my body is fine. That… after….”
[After?]
He asked again, his voice trailing off as if he didn’t understand what I meant. I could almost see his clean-cut face, eyebrows raised in a puzzled expression.
Pulling my forehead away and looking forward, my own face, reflected in the black window that mirrored the city night after the sun had completely set, was burning red.
“Because of the… aftermath… right after… it was much better than last time.”
[…….]
His silence made my face burn even hotter. I had wanted to talk about it casually, naturally, but it didn’t seem like I had succeeded.
[Is it that hard to say the word ‘aftermath’?]
I could sense a sinister playfulness in his voice.
[When we’re doing it, you’re so honest with me….]
“Sir, CEO! You must have been very tired today too, right?”
My voice cracked from my haste to cut him off, but he didn’t laugh or tease me about the off-key note. Instead, he suffocated me with an even more unbearable silence. I felt his intense and lingering gaze from his grey-blue eyes, scrutinizing me.
Perhaps deciding to back off, seeing my efforts to change the subject, he broke the silence with a soft chuckle.
[I went home this afternoon and slept soundly, so you don’t have to worry. A single day of not sleeping properly is nothing, really.]
I was surprised that he had even considered my wet clothes when he hadn’t slept at all, yet he spoke of everything he had arranged today as if it were nothing. So that I wouldn’t feel too apologetic or too grateful.
Perching on the low ledge beneath the floor-to-ceiling window, I pulled down the towel around my neck and fiddled with it as I spoke.
“Thank you so much for this matter… I wouldn’t have known how to solve it on my own… there would have been no answer.”
He was silent for a moment. It wasn’t the kind of silence where he gauged my words or probed to avoid disadvantage. It was a silence that seemed to wait for emotions to gather, a silence that felt too precious to break.
[Then… you’ll wear them, right? The sexy lingerie.]
My mind went blank for a second at his unexpected turn, and then a light laugh escaped me.
[Huh? Why are you trying to brush it off with laughter? I’m serious.]
He was skillfully declining my thanks in this manner. I had to admit that his ability to resolve this matter wasn’t solely due to his wealth and connections.
If I answered with a ‘yes’ here, would a new category be naturally added to our relationship, defining us as a couple who fulfill each other’s desires? Thinking about it, I rubbed my face vigorously with the towel I was holding.
Whether he wanted me to push myself into such a relationship or not. Even that was uncertain… I wanted to say, but that would be hypocrisy.
I could no longer pretend not to know that if given the chance, I would sleep with him again without hesitation.
The faint smile faded, replaced by his more serious voice.
[I think I need to tell Manager Han that Seo Yi-hyun will be painting again. How much can I tell Manager Han about this matter? If there are parts you’re reluctant to discuss or want to talk about yourself, I’ll keep quiet about them. I know it seems a bit rushed, but once I decide on something like this, I tend to want to wrap it up neatly on paper.]
“You can tell him exactly what I told you. It’s all fine.”
[Alright. Then, while Seo Yi-hyun is having a farewell party with Hyung and Noona, I’ll be busy drafting the contract stating that all future paintings by Seo Yi-hyun will be mine.]
“I’ll be counting on you.”
I smiled without a sound, but I believed he would notice the faint smile in my voice.
[It’ll be a bother, but before you sleep, and when you wake up tomorrow, please send me one message each.]
“Yes, I will.”
Even after saying that, he didn’t say goodbye and fell silent again. I also didn’t initiate the closing remarks. A silence, tinged with an un unpleasant tension, like that of clumsy lovers who have just started dating and can’t easily end their call, was building.
He was the one who gently ended the silence.
[It’s our last night, and I’ve kept you for too long. Well then, have a good time.]
The call lasted nearly twenty minutes. Like after watching a movie, there was a lingering resonance from my call with him. Not wanting it to dissipate, I held my phone and sat for a long time before becoming curious about the missed calls he had made while I was showering.
Though I indulged in the sensation of my body relaxing from the heat, which was a little longer than usual due to the fatigue accumulated since yesterday, the shower still only lasted about thirty minutes. In those thirty minutes, he had left twenty-six missed calls. It was the highest number of missed calls I had ever received from one person.
I chuckled, thinking I should have warned him in advance that I wasn’t a stalker, and got up. I tossed my phone onto the bed and was about to leave the room when I stopped and turned back. I picked up the phone again and put it in my pants pocket. I didn’t want to make him a stalker again.
In the living room, Hyung and Morae were already drinking beer. The living room, with its elongated shape, offered a much more expansive view than the guest room had.
“Seo Yi-hyun, this room costs 7 million won a day.”
Morae, sitting next to Hyung and looking at his phone, turned to me with a worried expression and exclaimed. If I had been the me who didn’t know about his wealth, I would have found the amount hard to believe. Of course, even now, the amount of 7 million won per night didn’t feel real.
“Are you really going to be sold off to a deep-sea fishing vessel?”
By then, Morae had apparently searched the cost of this room online and thrust his phone screen towards me, who was sitting beside him.
“How much would I even get if I were sold to a deep-sea fishing vessel?”
“That’s true. You have more backbone than you look, but Seo Yi-hyun isn’t exactly a physical type.”
Morae quickly agreed, picked up a new beer from the table, and handed it to me.
As I twisted the cap off the bottled beer, I glanced over and saw two backpacks placed next to the single-seater sofa. The backpacks, containing all their belongings packed in preparation for tomorrow, were so simple. They looked like people embarking on a light two-night, three-day domestic trip, not moving abroad.
I looked at the pair of backpacks leaning against each other, then turned my head away and started drinking my beer.
“Your CEO, what kind of person is he? Is running a gallery a hobby, and is he actually a third-generation chaebol?”
The main sofa was long and deep enough for the three of us to sit in a line with ample space between us. Morae, sitting between Hyung and me, leaned his head back against the sofa and looked at me.
“Probably… something like that.”
Considering the wealth of him or his family that Yooni Noona and Juhan Hyung had casually mentioned in Hong Kong, it wouldn’t be far from the truth to say he was from a chaebol family.
“Still, running a gallery as a hobby isn’t it.”
Phantom wasn’t just a plausible business card for him. No one would build a gallery from the ground up, enduring talk of using pheromones to charm people into buying art, just for a title on a business card.
“If he’s that rich, it makes sense that he’s so sharp in these matters. I don’t know much myself, but this doesn’t seem like the scale of a mere neighborhood rich person. And having wealth doesn’t mean you grow up ignorant of the world like a hothouse flower. You can’t trust anyone around you with political infighting and family feuds. He might have been exposed to messy situations from a young age. He just looks like he’s got serious skills.”
Morae was talking about the escape plan he had prepared.
While we were visiting the ‘What Happened in Bali’ owner’s house to collect our belongings and move here, he had temporarily created an email address and sent detailed documents about the plan he had prepared.
According to the plan, Hyung and Morae were scheduled to arrive in Bali via a total of nine countries over fifteen nights and sixteen days, starting tomorrow. This excluded countries they were merely transiting through. The route included not only flights but also border crossings using boats and buses in between.
His explanation was that by twisting the route so complexly, it would be impossible for even a competent private investigator to track them. Since it had come to this, he had also mentioned that he had arranged the schedule so they could enjoy the journey, followed by a smiley emoticon.
After reviewing that plan, Morae seemed to have completely trusted him. She even used the word “infatuated,” and for once, Hyung looked jealous.
“Hey, where on earth is Minsk in Belarus? I didn’t even know such a country or city existed.”
Hyung, who had packed all his belongings and was heading to the bedroom to wash up, said loudly as he turned back, and Noona and I exchanged smiles.
It had been a day that was by no means easy for any of us three. Tomorrow, a completely different life would begin. We were trying to spend this night as usual, without voicing the sad weariness and the vague fear that stirred in our hearts.
This was our way. If we were to lay bare all our emotions and try to confirm them… if that were Morae and Hyung’s way, I wouldn’t have been able to endure it.
“Your CEO.”
“Huh?”
Lost in thought while staring at my beer bottle, I reacted excessively like a guilty thief at the mention of CEO.
“He seems incredibly confident in your talent. I don’t know anything about that field, but it’s not common to sign a contract for such a large sum and help with things like this just by looking at one painting. He must be completely captivated by Seo Yi-hyun’s art, right?”
These were words spoken by a third party, someone he hadn’t even met, and they were about my art, not me as a romantic interest. Still, the words that he was completely captivated by a part of me felt good to hear, honestly.
Before I had even experienced liking someone with romantic feelings, feeling excitement, and communicating a heart that beat differently from my daily rhythm… I had suppressed my emotions, fearing the expansion of emotional experiences, and as a result, I had developed a dry and meager emotional capacity that didn’t get stirred by anything I saw or heard.
It wasn’t like being strongly tempered. Rather, it was like being barren, having depleted the very material needed to feel and enjoy richly.
It was strange how moisture could seep into even such dried-out emotions.
Moreover, even though I didn’t view a future with him optimistically at all, and lacked the confidence to act towards an optimistic conclusion, my ability to find grounds to maintain my feelings for him moment by moment was admirable.
Morae, sitting with his knees drawn up on the sofa, mumbled half to himself, his gaze aimlessly fixed on the label of his beer bottle.
“Meeting someone who recognizes your talent is said to be as important as the talent itself. It’s fortunate.”
Her mumbled words, which seemed to imply “fortunate that you met such a person before we leave,” reminded me of our surreal departure that was looming tomorrow.
“Since we’re moving out before the contract expires, we’ll probably have to cover the brokerage fees for finding the next tenant. We’ll get a little less than 30 million won. We’ll pay that back to your CEO first, and once we both arrive in Bali, we’ll start working. We’ll send you a little each month. We’re looking for instructor positions at a surfing camp run by Koreans, and since we plan to stay long-term, they’ll probably give us preference.”
Morae added, as if she knew exactly what I was worried about, and smiled, lightly ruffling my hair.
Morae was someone who had stayed by my side from the time I didn’t know how to handle her existence, a time of vague confusion and bewilderment, until now.
Whether it was due to her age or innate intuition, her words, which understood me as well as Morae did, were still astonishing even when I replayed them.
“Isn’t that why your CEO is helping us? To create an environment where you can paint without worry. Whether it’s because he’s a personal fan of your art or a business intuition as a gallery owner, he must have decided it was worth investing in you. So, you just focus on your painting. Oh, and please keep it a secret from him that I initially suspected he was in cahoots with my dad.”
I smiled at Morae’s last words, but there was something in what she said that I couldn’t overlook.
Unconsciously tilting my beer bottle, I suddenly felt like asking Morae something.
If I consulted Juhan Hyung or Yooni Noona, they would instantly guess who I was talking about, but with Morae, who hadn’t even met him, even if she guessed, the impact would be minimal. At least I wouldn’t be flustered in front of both him and Morae at the same time.
“Noona.”
Pushing the slippery label on the condensation-covered bottle with my finger, I opened my mouth with a sense of solemnity.
“If… my parents had to go through something difficult because of me, and I felt guilty about it, would I likely be skeptical about dating or love?”
I regretted it immediately, feeling I had spoken too directly.
“So, even if I had a physical relationship, I might draw a line at anything deeper….”
It was as nerve-wracking as confessing to him directly, my heart felt like it was choking my throat, but I knew it was ultimately a futile effort. What could I confirm by asking her, not the person involved?
“It’s the same for me. I’m also… scared of becoming special to someone… and sharing everything with that person.”
That’s why I was scared of Morae and Hyung breaking up. The deeper the empathy they shared when they were together, the more destructive its severance would be. I had experienced being struck at the core of my being by that destructive force. Whether it was jumping into something or avoiding it, it was all ultimately past experiences.
“But isn’t that saying you’re drawn to it even though you’re scared?”
“Uh… uh?”
“Aren’t you asking because you’re drawn to that person, even so?”
“…….”
Morae’s face was calm as she asked. Even though I hadn’t explicitly said I was drawn to him, Morae was asking with complete certainty. It seemed useless to deny it, so I nodded with a flushed face.
“Then, couldn’t it be the same for that person? Just as you are inevitably drawn to that person even in your unstable state… couldn’t it be that someone appears who makes him want and pursue them, crossing over his skepticism and breaking down his boundaries?”
They say romantic feelings aren’t ornaments placed on top of a tower built with logic. He too, even if he didn’t want to, could be swept up in passion. However, the idea that I could be the one to shake him and break him down like that was hard to imagine.
“Actually, I’m scared too.”
Morae’s voice suddenly lowered, as if conscious of being overheard. I looked at her face, wondering if I had misheard, but she seemed lost in thought and didn’t notice my gaze.
“Although earlier you spoke as if you were confident you wouldn’t be swayed by mere whims of the heart, as you said, the heart can change, and no one can be sure about the future. No matter what ending awaits, I won’t regret the act of choosing it myself, but I’m not entirely unafraid of the pain that choice might bring. Whether it’s the sense of loss from parting with Seo Yi-han, or guilt towards my family….”
After taking a few more sips of beer, Morae looked down at the papers scattered messily on the table, printouts of the materials he had sent, and continued speaking.
“Ultimately, I think it’s important to figure out what causes you more pain. For me, it feels like pain to make a choice without fully examining my inner desires and leaving it to someone else’s hands, just as for some people, the vagueness of not having safety guaranteed might be more painful. Even with general indicators, the actual sensation of happiness or pain differs for each person. It’s not that I’m not scared; perhaps it’s a choice made to avoid something even more terrifying.”
Having finished speaking calmly, she suddenly turned to me and squinted, smiling.
“But is that, by any chance, about you, Rabbit?”
My face and the tips of my ears instantly burned, unable to deny it.
To be so easily seen through by Morae, who had never even met him. I resolved to desperately hide it from Yooni Noona and Juhan Hyung, no matter what, and my body trembled slightly with a light fear of what would happen if those two found out.
“Hmm, I see… So that’s how it was.”
She mumbled words with an inscrutable meaning, squinting with a peculiar smile. I couldn’t tell what she was agreeing to, but I lacked the courage to ask for details, fearing it would lead to more questions about me.
“What a shame. Seo Yi-hyun’s first love, and I didn’t even get to meet them before they left.”
After that, Morae didn’t pry further.
But as much as her guess that he would be captivated by my paintings was sweet, the definition of this feeling as first love was simply bewildering.
The impression given by the word ‘first love’ felt different from second or third loves.
That word, evoking a raw, uncalculated honesty and freshness, like tender leaves that cannot bloom on a dried branch, felt clumsy yet genuine. A laugh escaped me, much like when I face my own absurd mistakes.
I don’t want to spout nonsense about being excited and falling in love with him after just a few nights together and some conversation. Love, as I understand it, is not such a simple concept.
However, this feeling held the potential to develop into love. And love was still the most terrifying change for me. Yet, I was doing nothing to control it. Merely for the foolish reason that it didn’t hurt right now.
If his eyes and words towards me had been as indifferent as they were at first, I would have let this feeling wither so it couldn’t grow, even if only to avoid immediate pain.
He had told me to text before bed, but I wanted to call. I wanted to hear his voice, to see his face. I wanted to hold him, to touch his bare skin, his heat. And I wanted to confess these feelings to him.
I imagine actually acting on my confession. The next scene in my imagination unfolds into his awkward, embarrassed face, smiling faintly and averting his gaze.