By Zephyria 
Ghost, specter. An extremely small amount, to the point where one can barely tell if it exists or not. Terrifying, chilling, dreadful. Though everyone says they fear it, ‘Alienated’ from our lives, floating hazily, sometimes merely an object of interest.
The room was heavy with the damp humidity of the day’s relentless rain.
Outside the window, a bluish dawn was slowly breaking, but the study, with its blinds tilted downwards, was still steeped in the gloom of night.
The man sat in a high-backed armchair, lost in thought, without turning on any lights.
His hand, holding a glass with a bulbous bottom, did not move. His face, with an elbow resting on the armrest and his temple propped by his hand, was also frozen as if under a spell. Only the broad chest, rising and falling slowly, proved he was a living being, not a beautifully sculpted wax figure.
Breaking the air that was slowly solidifying around him, the man suddenly straightened his back, which had been deeply sunk into the upholstery.
5:59 AM. It would be around 4 PM in Boston.
Calculating the time difference, the man picked up the phone he had been staring at on the side table.
It might not connect. The other person was not someone with free time. But he was lucky. After a few shorter-than-usual rings, he reached a welcome voice, bridging a 14-hour time difference.
A faint smile, fleeting but present, spread across the man’s face, which had been as rigid as the concept of a blank expression.
A brief exchange of greetings and inquiries followed, filled with the playful yet deep affection and trust one might share with someone close.
But he couldn’t prolong it. Not only because it was a matter of taking up the other person’s time, but because he couldn’t bear to hold onto this problem any longer.
“Hah… I don’t know how to bring this up…”
He let out a breathy laugh, muttering to himself, and bit his lip with a troubled expression. Then, as if making a decision, he spoke aloud.
“I underwent Changing.”
Though he had braced himself with difficulty, his voice was surprisingly calm. As if disbelieving what he had just said and repeating it to himself, the man fell silent again.
The initial reaction from the other end was also silence.
“Of course, there was a partner. Do you think I’d call it Changing just because I knotted and ejaculated alone?”
The man frowned, closed his eyes, and pressed his temples, replying somewhat irritably to the person on the other end of the phone. He soon regretted his outburst and apologized politely.
“The first problem is… it wasn’t something I did of my own will, nor did I have the other person’s consent.”
As he continued speaking, the man’s previously impassive face gradually crumbled, becoming an expression that seemed to embody the concept of pain. To numb the pain even slightly, he picked up the glass from the table and gulped down the potent single malt whiskey.
“I couldn’t help it. It’s an impossible situation… but I was completely dominated by pheromones, not in my right mind, and when I came to my senses… I realized I had knotted while undergoing Changing.”
Recalling the dizzying moment, the man’s face turned deathly pale in the darkness.
“That’s why I told you it was an impossible situation.”
Unable to maintain his composure, the man’s voice quickly became anxious.
“No, I’m not an Omega. No, I’m not an Omega… but I’m not a Beta either. That’s the second problem.”
Frustrated by his own rambling explanation, the man sighed and repeatedly ran his free hand over his face. Taking a deep breath to explain the situation calmly, as the other person suggested, he straightened his back.
After a few sips of whiskey, he recalled the time not long after they had met.
“She was definitely an Omega, but she insisted she was 100 percent Beta. I thought she might be hiding the truth for some reason, but it didn’t seem like it. She genuinely believed she was a Beta and had been diagnosed as such. At first… it wasn’t that I particularly sensed her pheromones, but I thought she was an Omega regardless. Because I can distinguish any Omega, even if they don’t release their pheromones. But no Alpha around me detected her as an Omega. It was a bit strange, but I just assumed she was an Omega who consistently took suppressants. As you know, even an Omega who practically drowns themselves in suppressants has a very low chance of escaping my detection.”
He recalled a drinking session at a Spanish restaurant where Choi In-woo had teased him, asking if he was trying to become a Beta, given how he almost detested using pheromones to seduce sexual partners, or even to enhance pleasure during intimacy.
He fundamentally distrusted people he didn’t know well and made no effort to hide the fact that he observed them with hostility. This was partly intended to make them treat him cautiously. He had always dealt with people that way. It was the same when Yuni brought Joo-han, and it was the same with everyone.
However, it didn’t take long to conclude that he wasn’t someone to be wary of, especially since he had learned painting from Manager Han long ago.
His diligence in fulfilling his role without causing a fuss was what first caught his eye. Simple movements, like his fingers sealing pamphlets into envelopes or the way his profile tilted slightly upwards when hanging or taking down artwork at an exhibition, were aesthetically pleasing enough to draw his attention.
From his facial features, the lines of his moving body, even his gaze and voice, he seemed to be hesitating at the boundary between boy and young man, as if still dripping with water from a recent wash.
He wasn’t particularly sociable and seemed shy, but he didn’t lash out or become defensive towards people. The way he calmly endured Choi In-woo’s relentless advances was an example of this. Not being intimidated or flustered spoke of his integrity.
“Um… I’m not an Omega either.”
His face, looking troubled with eyes as clear as if hiding nothing, spoke those words.
From the moment he said he was a Beta, neither Alpha nor Omega, he became not just an object of observation and curiosity for the man, but a subtly unsettling, unknown territory.
“But he genuinely seemed to believe he was a Beta. Here, anyone who can get pregnant is exempt from military service. I clearly confirmed through his documents that he completed his active duty, so at least before enlisting, he hadn’t experienced Omega manifestation. If he had manifested in the military, a normal discharge would have been impossible, leading to the conclusion that he hadn’t manifested as an Omega even recently.”
He remembered the honest gaze that met his, stating that he wouldn’t have hidden it even if he were an Omega. His dark eyes, not yet fully mature but never dim, seemed like a condensed essence of one’s pure, unblemished youth.
“To see his reaction, I released a little of my pheromones. He was undeniably an Omega, yet he claimed to be a Beta. I couldn’t believe it.”
He could barely remember how long it had been since he last released his pheromones. To think he had released them just to confirm if he was truly not an Omega. No matter how many times he replayed it, it was an uncharacteristic act.
“For the first few times, it felt like hitting a wall, but then he started to react. He began responding to my pheromones with his own, which were friendly. I thought he must be some kind of more complex, lesser-known type of Omega. He detected my pheromones and reacted to them, but he thought it was… the scent of perfume.”
Even after the first uncharacteristic act, he continued to release pheromones. He couldn’t forget the innocent face, tilting his head towards his shoulder in front of Shushu’s artwork, mistaking the pheromones for perfume.
It was the first time he felt a thrill, a sharp stimulation, rather than discomfort, from the fact that the other person could detect his pheromones.
The man slowly but decisively shook his head at the interpretation conveyed from the other end of the phone.
“No… he’s not the type to be cunning in that regard. If he had known it was pheromones and was acting, I would have noticed. After all, I wouldn’t fail to detect the acting of someone ten years younger than me…”
Realizing that he had slept with that very person, ten years his junior, three times, to the point of losing his senses due to pheromones, the man fell silent for a moment, feeling awkward.
He could only hope that Choi In-woo didn’t remember him being chided for having feelings for someone ten years younger, let alone considering them as a romantic or sexual partner. Until now, younger men had simply not been his type.
“Anyway… he had some trouble, and although it was a method I absolutely did not prefer… I had sex with him to calm him down, using pheromones. He reacted clearly. Compared to before, he reacted intensely to my pheromones and released his own potent pheromones. I was convinced he was an Omega, but…”
Recalling the excitement and bewilderment of the moment he reached between his legs, the man’s lips tightened.
“There was no lubrication. None at all.”
A heavy, long silence settled between them. It was a story of things that were literally impossible.
“At the time, my intention was to calm him and make him sleep, so I didn’t insert, but after that… his pheromones became stronger. During the second time we slept together… I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but from the middle of it, I couldn’t control my pheromones at all.”
By the time he was heading to Hong Kong, his interest and fascination with him had taken on a complex nature that could no longer be explained by pheromones alone, but he wasn’t looking to the other party for relationship advice. The purpose of this call was to obtain any information, no matter what, about his identity related to pheromones.
He didn’t need to worry about moans escaping, even in a spacious house, but the mere presence of someone else in the same house made him hesitant about sex. He didn’t need to be honest about the fact that he had been looking forward to their second encounter, even moving their accommodation to a hotel, unlike his usual business trips, to draw him, who seemed cautious about sex, into his bed.
“Oral, neck, groin, armpits, genitals, anus…”
The man listed them in a detached voice, then suddenly trailed off, realizing he was revealing his private life to the other party. Although it was merely conveying information, like reporting symptoms to a doctor for a diagnosis, it was unlikely that learning such intimate details about another person would be pleasant.
“I’m sorry for making you listen to this…”
Whether he received an “it’s okay” in response, the man cleared his throat and continued.
“Areas with developed sweat glands or strong body odor, as well as mucous membranes and bodily fluids, all detected them more strongly, which matched the characteristics of pheromones. He also became more sensitive to my pheromones than before, becoming incredibly honest about his desires, far beyond his usual personality. When we inserted… we were both completely dominated by pheromones and not in our right minds, and when I came to my senses… I had already knotted and attempted Changing. I couldn’t… control or defend myself at all…”
The man’s voice grew weaker and more dazed as he spoke. As if stripped of the last human right to control himself as he wished, he cast a vacant gaze anywhere, his expression lacking even self-reproach.
Squinting, the man slowly shook his head, as if trying to recall the hazy details of a dream he barely remembered.
“I thought it was a mistake that could happen. I told myself that and tried to stay calm. Why wouldn’t I? But, since he wasn’t taking contraceptives, if he were an Omega, there was over a 90 percent chance of pregnancy, and if he were a Beta, it would mean he attempted Changing… How could I… be in my right mind?”
The man downed the remaining alcohol in his glass in one gulp. He roughly wiped his lips with the back of his hand, where blue veins extended to his fingers, then hunched over and ran his hands through his hair.
“I know. A change doesn’t happen with just one or two attempts at Changing. But… the defenses that had never been breached before were broken so easily. And it was by the most vulnerable enemy I had never even considered. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
The man’s bare shoulders and chest swelled further with emotional agitation.
“What’s even more surprising is that he endured my knotting and ejaculation without any damage to his interior.”
He reached for the glass, but it was already empty.
“I told you it was an impossible situation. A Beta enduring my knotting without even a small scratch? Twice? It’s impossible. You know that. A regular Omega would suffer for at least a day or two, and even a Golden Omega would find it difficult. But he…”
The man paused, as if the other party had interrupted him, and hesitated like a scolded child.
A Beta enduring my knotting without even a small scratch? Twice?
The man lowered his gaze and bit his lip, as if being reprimanded for creating the situation for a second insertion despite the first mistake. He used the excuse of the increased attraction from his pheromones after the first insertion, but he couldn’t deceive himself about not actively trying to avoid such a situation, even if he could deceive the person on the other end of the phone.
What if he hadn’t come up to his room? Would he have just gone to bed quietly?
What he knew for sure was that the moment he saw him, drenched in rain and shivering in front of his house, an intense rage to destroy whatever had made him that way surged within him, and along with that rage, his sexual desire for him also soared.
The man knew, through education, what kind of instinct that terrifyingly strong rage and sexual desire, which seemed to lift him into the air, was.
He knew about the Alpha’s trait of not hesitating to lay down their life for their Omega, which developed over time when maintaining a steady relationship with a single Omega – a protective instinct. At least, it would be the closest sensation.
He also knew about the Alpha’s characteristic of being willing to give their life for their Omega, which, though now rare due to the lack of physical circumstances in modern times, meant an Alpha who remained chaste to one Omega would not hesitate to sacrifice their life for their Omega.
The boy had been displeased by the teacher’s matter-of-fact explanation in sex education class that this was due to the biological characteristics of Alphas and Omegas prioritizing reproduction and procreation, placing the safety of the fertile Omega first, as it made him feel like a mere being for reproduction.
However, if the rage and sexual desire that had enveloped him at the front gate were an instinct close to an Alpha’s protective urge towards an Omega, what he actually felt was not as unpleasant as his resentment towards the theory.
Rather, at that moment, no object was more pitiable and lovable in his eyes, and he felt as if he could throw away everything if it meant protecting him from danger and making him smile in peace… he felt all his energy focusing surprisingly simply on the object before him.
He didn’t feel displeasure at this uncharacteristic spirit of sacrifice, but he couldn’t understand it either.
First of all, he wasn’t his Omega with whom he had been in a relationship for a long time. No, regardless of whether he was his Omega or not, he wasn’t an Omega at all. How could his Alpha instincts be stimulated by someone whose very existence was uncertain?
“During the second time, I was completely dominated by his pheromones and was drawn in, knotting and Changing again. Because of the initial mistake, I consciously struggled to maintain my pace, but… it was useless. His pheromones were like he was intentionally provoking and urging me to knot and Change myself. Now, my pheromones don’t just stimulate his pheromones and call them out…”
The man’s lips moved. And as if sighing, as if pushing out the cold wind that had gathered within him, he spoke.
“What… what is he, exactly?”
It felt as though he had been leading up to that single sentence through a long story.
“No. No, that’s not it.”
The man’s reaction to the answer from the other end of the phone was firm. He shook his head in denial several times.
“An unstable and immature Omega’s Pheromone? For a Golden Alpha of that caliber… to be stimulated by the unstable Pheromone of an immature Omega, not even a Golden Omega, and become uncontrollable, is that even possible?”
His excitement rising sharply, the man clutched his head as if in pain.
“Even if that were true… then what am I? Am I truly a Golden Alpha? Am I a Ghost?”
His shoulders, hunched as he held his head, repeatedly swelled and deflated in the darkness.
“I tried to calm down, to be rational. Many times.”
His voice was sharp, pierced by a desperate human urgency trapped in profound regret, self-reproach, and the uncertainty of the future.
“But lately, whenever I face him, I feel myself being helplessly drawn in. All I can do is suppress the urge to release my Pheromones at any moment. Even then… if the place and conditions are right for us to be together, I immediately fall into a state of desperate longing for him. If he releases his Pheromones towards me first, I can’t resist at all. That there is no will to resist within my body, that I am utterly powerless before his Pheromones….”
Leaning his elbows on his thighs, the man lifted his head. He spread his large palm and stroked his jawline as if crushing it.
“To be conquered by mere Pheromones like this… to lose all self-control and become rutting… is this all a Golden Alpha is, and is this the beast I trained myself to become?”
Now, the man’s voice was subdued, empty. His gaze, fixed on the empty space before him, was the same.
To the words of comfort from the other end of the phone, the man let out a small laugh, as if he had heard a dry joke.
“It’s not fear. It’s confusion.”
Ultimately, he didn’t get a clear answer. But he hadn’t expected to get an immediate answer to such a complex situation in the first place. Even he, who was quite knowledgeable about Alpha and Omega dynamics, had never heard of such a case, not even by rumor, and the person on the other end also seemed considerably flustered.
He wanted to believe that simply confiding in a trustworthy person had brought some relief… but that wasn’t the case. The problem remained, and he had to face it entirely on his own.
“I’ll be in Chicago in September for an exhibition. I’ll come to see you then. Before that, if you find anything… anything you know, or anything you discover…. Yes, thank you.”
After ending the call, the man remained frozen, his upper body leaning forward. After a long while, he straightened his back and muttered a low curse, pressing his eyelids.
As he stood up to get another glass of whiskey and walked towards the makeshift bar, his foot caught on the cord of a floor lamp stretching across the carpet. He reached out to catch the lamp that was about to fall forward, but the thin, long metal narrowly missed his hand.
He managed to prevent the base and bulb from shattering by bracing them with his thighs and knees, but the mistake, which would have been unthinkable for him normally, made him spit out a stronger curse this time.
Forgetting his intention to get a drink, he laid the lamp down on the carpet and sat on the floor. Blinking several times and repeatedly straining his eyelids, he leaned back against the sofa behind him with a sigh and closed his eyes.
He had said it wasn’t fear, but confusion. As if fear was something that couldn’t even exist, but in reality, he couldn’t be sure.
He was no longer sure of anything. Not even of his own existence.
He felt as though if he faced a mirror, he wouldn’t be able to find himself within it. He couldn’t deny that this was fear.