DD 2.5 The Scent is a Drug

The place we arrived at, in the car he had sent, was a mansion situated where Hong Kong’s night view could be seen clearly. The grounds were so vast that it took about two to three minutes by car from the lower entrance, where security guards were checking and allowing each vehicle through, to the staircase in front of the main building’s entrance.

It was a party hosted by a major gallery with significant influence in the Asian art market, a gallery that had started in Hong Kong, continued its rapid growth, and successfully expanded its reach by opening a branch in Singapore two years ago.

“It’s a gallery the CEO and the Director used to work with,” my sister said, closing her clutch with a click after putting a mirror inside.

“They’ve probably rented this place for today’s party. Hong Kong has a vibrant high-society culture, so there are quite a few places like this. Mansions rented out for wedding receptions, events for luxury brands, or just for parties hosted by the wealthy.”

It was a world unrelated to me.

Many cars were lined up, waiting along the road that circled around a large installation art piece symbolizing a pair of man and woman, leading towards the mansion’s main entrance. Juhan Hyung explained that they had likely invited almost all the major galleries that attended the fair, as well as art enthusiasts gathered from around the world to see the fair.

“Honestly, it’s a display of power. It’s an opportunity to show art world professionals worldwide that a gallery with this much power exists in Asia. It might seem like the mindset of a nouveau riche, but for places aiming for the global market, their clients are all incredibly wealthy individuals, so they do need to appeal to their economic power and influence to some extent. It’s a business where works worth billions, even hundreds of billions of won, are bought and sold. In a way, this is all publicity and investment.”

As the car carrying us slowed and stopped, a doorman dressed in a black suit opened the door.

He, who had arrived earlier, was waiting to greet us at the entrance.

It was a different suit from the one he wore at the VIP preview. Perhaps because it was black, it gave the impression of being much more formally dressed today. Even though he was entirely clad in a restrained black suit, his body’s wild energy and intense sexual charisma were still evident.

Whether it was a young person like me, unfamiliar with the wider world, or a sophisticated member of high society who had attended countless such events, no one could help but look at him. Like a male protagonist stepping out of a classic Hollywood movie poster, he was classic yet sensual in his suit.

After complimenting my sister and Hyung’s styles in turn, his gaze finally landed on me. His eyes, scanning me from head to toe as if appreciating a piece of art, made me fidget with my collar.

“Thank you for the outfit.”

“You must have been inconvenienced by the sudden invitation, so of course, we had to prepare your attire.”

When I returned to my hotel room after the fair concluded to attend the party, a suit was hanging in my closet. A hotel staff member had brought it directly to my room, conveying that Mr. Lau had prepared it and asking me to wear it for the party. It was the first suit I had ever worn in my life.

Joo-han Hyung had even let out a yelp of envy, saying it was from a brand that fashion-conscious young people raved about, but I lacked the confidence to pull off its fashionable design, which was different from what I considered a standard suit, and it felt awkward.

“It suits you well.”

Yet, he, who had actually prepared the suit, looked satisfied. He even took a couple of steps back to take in my entire appearance.

“This looks expensive…”

“Did Yuni do your hair?”

The suit, which clung softly to my body’s lines, felt so luxurious from the fabric alone that it seemed like it would slip through my fingers if touched. The price kept bothering me, but he merely changed the subject, gently stroking my hair.

“Yes.”

He smiled, his fingertips brushing my ear as he traced the edge of my neatly styled hair.

“You’ve revealed your forehead, and you look even younger.”

He seemed to be in a good mood, and for once, he wasn’t hiding it, so I decided to drop the matter of questioning the price of the suit and shoes. It wasn’t money I could repay on the spot anyway, and I didn’t want to spoil the mood.

As we ascended the stairs to move further into the party venue, my sister moved close to him, resting her nose on his shoulder and sniffing.

“Huh? What’s this, CEO, did you wear perfume?”

“……”

I, following a couple of steps behind, stumbled on the stairs, my steps getting tangled.

“Well, a little.”

“Mmm, it smells good. It’s dark, very much my taste. But isn’t this custom-made anyway?”

He just smiled ambiguously at my sister’s bitter question about something unattainable.

Scent is a molecule of matter that spreads through the air, and it’s natural that it cannot discriminate in its action, but I realized I hadn’t at all been aware that anyone other than me could enjoy his unique fragrance.

What a foolish oversight.

Anyone standing as close as my sister was to him now could equally smell his scent. Smell was something that could make an entire alley hungry, like the smell of curry cooking in one house.

Yet, I had only focused on ‘the scent he gave off that I smelled.’

The thought of someone else smelling that scent made me feel unpleasant. Whether I had the right to feel that way was a secondary issue. The very fact that such presumptuous emotions were disturbing my mind was the problem.

Although it was late evening, completely dark outside, the interior was flooded with dazzlingly bright lights. They were golden lights designed to make everyone in the venue stand out brilliantly.

“Wow… This is the best party I’ve ever been to. How rich a gallery did you work for, CEO? I’m speechless.”

My sister, as well as Hyung and I, widened our eyes at the interior decoration, which featured a spacious first-floor hall surrounded by several temporary bars, a grand piano with live jazz music being played, a majestically set-up DJ booth (though still empty), and perfectly arranged table and couch seating.

“I’m going to look for the Director. I’ll stick with the Director and make sure to hand out my business cards today. You never know. If I keep handing them out diligently, maybe someone will check my blog or social media and recognize my talent.”

My sister, who had brought a clutch full of business cards, adorned with sparkling black sequins, adjusted her gold-rimmed glasses with a dangling chain and disappeared towards the center of the hall. Juhan Hyung headed upstairs, saying he was going to find a timid Alpha struggling to adapt in a corner and burn his last night in Hong Kong.

And just like that, in an instant, it was just him and me.

“Well… Let’s go together. It might not be a fun event, though,” he said, shrugging his shoulders with his hands in his pants pockets. Thinking about my own poor English skills and dry personality, which would only make a not-fun event even less fun, I shook my head.

“I’ll just grab something to drink at the bar. It’s my first time at a place like this, so I think I’ll have fun just sitting and people-watching. Don’t mind me.”

“We invited all our gallery staff, so please, at least you, Seo Yi-hyun-ssi, could go and show your face to the gallery hosts. You can leave after a bit of polite greeting.”

His words, accompanied by a slightly troubled expression, made it impossible for me to refuse further.

His former colleagues were gathered in the most central area of the first-floor seating. He introduced me as a staff member he worked with in Seoul, and the group of six or seven people, a mix of men and women, welcomed me with polite smiles. They were all dressed fashionably and elegantly, and naturally, they seemed accustomed to such events.

“He’s still very young. So please refrain from any overly teasing remarks.”

“Wow… What is this? Lau Wikun himself is saying that, so it makes me want to tease him even more.”

Before we sat down, he placed a hand on my back and gave them a pleading look, and someone’s joke elicited a light burst of laughter from everyone.

There were times like these when the ten-year age gap between us felt acutely real. It wasn’t that he acted childishly on a regular basis, but perhaps because of the generally non-authoritative atmosphere, despite its occasional coolness, or perhaps because his appearance made it hard to gauge his age, I rarely felt the ten-year difference in our daily interactions.

His introduction, asking them to go easy on me because I was young, didn’t feel entirely unwelcome today.

“How is it working with Wikun? It’s not easy, is it?”

To the question from his former colleague, who was currently working as a top-tier dealer, I responded with a smile, looking at him seated beside me, instead of answering. Everyone seemed familiar with his work style, and the questioner didn’t seem to expect a detailed answer.

“Ah, that temper must still be there. You made many people cry and quit before, didn’t you? Tell us, do you still speak your mind without holding back?”

It was the man seated to my left who made a remark that stood out in the otherwise pleasant atmosphere.

The blond man, dressed more casually than the others at the table and appearing free-spirited, was smiling, but there was a thorn in his words, aimed at him. His smirking lips twisted coldly.

“Uh… Please be nice to him.”

With a superficial smile to cover it up, I replied, instinctively leaning back slightly. The man didn’t seem inclined to back down.

“Hey, when else will we get to openly badmouth our boss like this? It’s okay. I went through a lot of hardship when we worked together before, so what. Nobody here doesn’t know Lau Wikun’s temper.”

Whether he was oblivious to the stiffening atmosphere at the table or pretending to be ignorant to achieve his goal, the man’s face, which was trying to belittle him under the guise of a joke, showed a strange sense of impatience.

“No, he’s really… considerate.”

The initial him, who prioritized those precious to him, made me feel alienated, and sometimes evoked a strange defiance in me, had already faded within me. Feeling unnecessary disappointment at his words and actions was not solely due to his attitude but also involved my own feelings towards him.

“Considerate? Wow… Considerate? Did everyone hear that? Lau Wikun is considerate to his staff?”

The man, who had been leaning back loosely as if about to slide off his chair, suddenly sat up straight and raised his voice towards the others at the table. It had probably only been about an hour since the party started, but the smell of alcohol wafted every time the man’s clothes rustled.

Someone kindly told the man to calm down, but he didn’t seem inclined to do so.

“Considerate, to what extent? Kind? Or sweet?”

“Stop it. I asked you not to be so mischievous.”

Faced with the man’s persistent questions, he finally intervened.

“Is this considered mischievous at a party? Come on, that’s too overprotective. This isn’t the Lau Wikun I knew. Since when did you care so much even about your staff?”

He whispered to me in Korean, his voice low, “You don’t have to deal with him one by one. I’m sorry.”

“Ah, perhaps he’s not just staff?”

The man, reaching for his drink, leaned his upper body back excessively and peered at my face. His pale green eyes, with bloodshot whites, were filled with intense emotion.

“Is that so? Do people change that easily? It seems you’re doing other work besides painting at the gallery?”

The man’s relentless prodding and pushing, almost passionately, contained a kind of desperation.

If my intuition was correct, the man seemed to want Lau Wikun to notice him, even in this way, and to elicit a reaction from him. It was a psychology I couldn’t understand, but not all emotions in the world could be explained by clear logic.

“Even if that’s the case, you can’t blame Wikun, can you? He’s overflowing with charm, anyone can see that. It would be harder not to make a move on him while working together every day. But he does look really young. Wikun, what’s going on? You’re not underage, are you?”

An Asian man who had briefly called him away at the VIP preview tried to change the mood and steered the conversation towards cosmetic procedures for maintaining a youthful appearance, which was trending in Hong Kong. It wasn’t a topic that interested me, nor, it seemed, him.

Taking a breath, I raised my glass to moisten my throat with champagne, when the blond man approached me again, this time privately.

“I’m sorry if I made things awkward. I was just joking, but Wikun has always been a bit of a purist about these things.”

He seemed calmer now, his voice lower.

“No, it’s alright.”

“Is this your first time in Hong Kong?”

“Yes.”

Turning slightly towards the man as a courtesy, I answered, with him behind me.

“You probably didn’t get to do much sightseeing because of the fair.”

As he said this, resting his chin on the table, the man, though generally disheveled, had a delicate face upon closer inspection. Above all, his blond hair, which shone even in its disarray, was beautiful. It was my first time seeing such blonde hair up close, and it was a little fascinating. Though it might be an inappropriate description for someone causing a disturbance, the pale, thin blond hair, with little yellow undertones, suited the man’s nervous and self-willed demeanor well.

“You haven’t been to Victoria Peak yet, have you? The night view from the hillside drive at this hour is truly romantic.”

The man’s eyes suddenly lit up, and he looked directly at me.

“Would you like to slip out for a bit, just the two of us, and go?”

The proposal was quite unexpected, as I thought the man’s true interest lay elsewhere, specifically behind me.

Placing a hand on my shoulder, the man leaned his upper body in deeply, bringing his lips close to my ear.

“You look incredibly bored too.”

“……”

Before I could react, a hand reached over my shoulder and pushed the man back to his seat.

“Don’t do anything stupid. He’s a Beta.”

And then, in the next moment, my body was lightly pulled back. Turning around, I saw him glaring at the man with a fierce expression. The effort he had made to suppress his displeasure until just moments ago had completely vanished from his face.

Only after hearing his words did I realize the man had been emitting pheromones. Just like with In-woo Hyung, I hadn’t sensed anything at all.

The man raised both hands as if to prove his innocence and leaned back.

“I didn’t think he was an Omega. But as you know, this isn’t something you can control.”

While feigning a defensive stance, the man was smiling broadly.

“If you can’t control it even around a Beta and it’s leaking out, you should take medication.”

His voice, as he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, warning the man across me, was stiff, his syllables breaking off one by one.

“Ah, for you, an Alpha who isn’t a Golden Alpha is a disease that requires medication, right? Not everyone is lucky enough to become a Golden Alpha like you.”

“Lucky?”

“……”

His voice, catching on the offensive phrase, split sharply. The man, realizing he had touched a nerve, closed his mouth and averted his gaze.

He took a sip of his champagne, set it down, and stood up from his chair.

“I think it’s best we leave. I’m sorry for just spoiling the mood.”

Following him, I also got up from my seat awkwardly.

“What, does the smell of cheap pheromones bother you?”

The man, to the very end, was desperate to elicit some extreme reaction from him. Despite his sharp words, his eyes, looking up at him from his seated position, wavered with resentment and pleading.

Suddenly, I recalled my past self, who had wondered what it would feel like to be ‘specially’ hated by him. Among the people surrounding him at the Phantom exhibition, there must have been those who wished to be ‘special’ to him, even if it meant being hated.

Perhaps what the man wanted from him now was also a kind of misguided expectation, I vaguely surmised.

“You’re still pretending to be so refined on your own. Is it because pheromones that aren’t golden are disgusting, and you think the one you’re with is just a pathetic Beta?”

Knowing that he reacted sensitively to pheromones and had a fastidious attitude about them, the man was relentlessly picking at that one point. He wondered if the man had ever been severely criticized by him in the past because of pheromones, but the man’s attitude didn’t seem rooted in hatred or revenge, no matter how he looked at it.

As he fastened the buttons of his unbuttoned jacket and turned away from the chair, he finally stopped and looked back at the man. The gaze looking down held no temperature, not even coldness; it was lukewarm.

He let out a light scoff.

“You don’t even have the confidence to seduce a one-night stand without pheromones, yet you still call yourself an Alpha?”

If his guess was correct, he felt he would never understand what kind of satisfaction the man gained by eliciting such a reaction from the person he craved. He turned his gaze away from the man, who looked up at him with a face that seemed shredded despite having been the one to provoke it.

“Even if you’re an Alpha, if you’re a degenerate like that, a Beta is better. Even without the label of Alpha or whatever, anyone in here would choose him over you?”

“……”

“So don’t ever let that cheap pheromone flow towards him again.”

He finished speaking without a tremor, but as if spitting out words chewed in his mouth, and then pulled me by the back, changing direction. His profile, with its tightly set lips, looked like he regretted bringing me to this place.

From what he understood, it was common for Omegas not to smell each other’s pheromones, and while Alphas could distinguish the pheromones of others by scent, it did not lead to sexual arousal.

Only Alphas and Omegas were stimulated to sexual arousal by each other’s pheromones detected through smell.

The higher-ranking Golden Alphas not only possessed stronger reproductive capabilities but could also emit powerful pheromones that Omegas found difficult to resist, and conversely, they had excellent defenses against Omega pheromones. They could stably protect themselves from sudden heat cycles, or ruts, that occurred due to Omega pheromone stimulation, making it possible for them to live lives almost akin to Betas, according to their own will.

Not only did they possess high offensive and defensive capabilities regarding pheromones, but they could also sensitively distinguish the pheromones of Omegas and other Alphas. Therefore, it wasn’t an exaggeration when In-woo Hyung described him as an Omega discriminator. If he belonged to the highest tier among Golden Alphas, distinguishing between Alphas, Omegas, and Betas would be as easy as distinguishing between apples, strawberries, and bananas by smell.

Knowing how strict he was about pheromones, he could somewhat guess the discomfort he must be feeling due to the man from earlier.

No, even setting aside his pickiness, the man had provoked him with excessive rudeness. He actually thought he had been quite patient. He didn’t want to criticize him for being unnecessarily cruel in his final retort.

Moreover, the fact that he, who had tried to avoid conflict with the man by leaving, finally reacted was, ‘perhaps,’ because of me.

If the man hadn’t expressed it as ‘dragging around a pathetic Beta’ at the end, he would have ignored the provocation and left. It might have been a response to being treated as someone who drags around something pathetic, but at least that wasn’t the whole story.

It meant that he couldn’t just overlook such an insult, and at least now, I was not an insignificant existence to him.

He felt grateful for that, and it resonated sweetly at the edge of his heart… he felt moved. Why wouldn’t he?

However, perhaps because of the complex emotions reflected in the man’s eyes as he looked at him, he couldn’t be purely happy. It wasn’t for noble reasons like pity or empathy for the man. It was a more self-centered imagination.

Who could guarantee that if he spent more time by his side like this, he wouldn’t become as pathetic as that man?

“Let’s go out to the terrace and get some air.”

Only after we had moved away from the table and reached the stairs leading to the second floor did he finally speak. The space between his brows was still tense, and he didn’t look me in the eye, but his voice, suggesting we go, was soft.

The second floor was mostly decorated with comfortable couch seating. Groups of several people, or couples, leaned back on plush sofas, enjoying music, drinks, and conversation.

Passing by couples engaged in deep kisses under the dimmer lighting compared to the first floor, we headed out to the terrace.

“Ah…”

Without needing to go up to the Victoria Peak observation deck, the Hong Kong night view spread out right below us. It was a scene that drew a spontaneous exclamation even from me, who wasn’t prone to quick or strong reactions.

It was a cliché, but the entire city sparkled as if sprinkled with stardust. Even knowing it was artificial light created by civilization, for a moment, he felt overwhelmed, as if he had witnessed a mysterious natural phenomenon.

He looked back at me, who was gaping in admiration like a child looking up at fireworks at an amusement park, and offered a faint smile. He felt embarrassed again for showing such a childish side, but if he could make him smile even a little at this moment, that was good enough.

Across the spacious terrace, large candles covered with transparent wind guards served as subtle lighting, and like indoors, plush sofas were arranged at intervals. Jazz music playing on the first floor flowed from speakers fixed to the wall, adding to the excitement of the night view before him.

Whether they were couples who had come together or lovers hastily formed at this party for tonight only, people paired up had escaped the crowded party to whisper sweet nothings or engage in intimate physical contact.

We sat side-by-side on a sofa at the far end of the terrace. Champagne was set up as soon as we settled in.

“We worked together before, and we didn’t get along well even then. He’s someone who wears his Alpha status like a medal, and he’s caused problems several times within the company due to pheromones, so we had friction over that. As expected… he couldn’t let it go quietly today either.”

He frowned deeply and shook his head, as if regretting spilling too much information, which was unlike him.

In my feeling, the man seemed to be craving attention with his whole body rather than being hostile towards him… but that was just my uncertain premonition, lacking any romantic experience.

A cool breeze, so refreshing that the chill of the air conditioner was unnecessary, blew in. Directly in front of our seats, facing the terrace railing, dense garden trees obscured half the night view. That’s probably why this spot, the most secluded and private one, was empty.

His distinct profile, bent forward with his arms resting on his thighs, seemed to be still ruminating on the unpleasantness left by the recent incident. While I was contemplating what words of comfort I could offer, a strange scent wafted under my nose.

The source of the scent was clearly him, sitting next to me. But it was a different scent from the ‘scent I knew.’ The perfume, which my older sister had described as having a dark scent, was different from the scent I knew of him. The moment I realized that, I felt a deep sense of relief.

As it was his perfume, it shouldn’t matter whether it was that scent or this one, but I couldn’t even explain to myself what criteria made one unpleasant and the other acceptable. In the first place, it wasn’t something I could stop just because I disliked it.

Nevertheless, I was relieved just by the fact that I wasn’t sharing that scent with another person at this moment. Foolishly so.

He looked up at me with a bitter smile after a long moment of gazing at a spot on the floor, lost in thought.

“I’m sorry. For showing you such a pathetic scene. It was a bit unseemly for a grown man.”

I shook my head firmly several times.

“He says he can’t even seduce someone without pheromones. Honestly… he doesn’t even have the right to criticize like that.”

He muttered as if to himself and drained the alcohol in his glass in one gulp.

I couldn’t understand why he judged himself so harshly. Even his close friend, In-woo Hyung, described him as someone who didn’t use pheromones, like a person trying to become a Beta.

Perhaps the recent argument surrounding pheromones was driving him to be overly critical of himself, someone who was already self-critical.

“Representative… I’m sure you can seduce anyone without pheromones. Anyone you want.”

He paused, his hand mid-way to refilling his glass, and turned to look at me. I had tried this as a joke to make him smile, but I worried it might have sounded like a remark that didn’t grasp the mood.

“You think so?”

But seeing his faint chuckle, it seemed to have landed as a joke.

“Yes, you won’t need anything like pheromones.”

“I don’t really feel that way, though.”

—He muttered this in English as if to himself, then raised his refilled glass and emptied half of it again.

“Representative, you’re handsome… your business acumen is outstanding… your fashion sense is always impeccable…”

He suddenly burst into laughter. It was a low but distinct laugh. And with the lingering echo of his laughter still on his face, he looked at me.

“Are you perhaps trying to cheer me up right now?”

“A little… clumsy, aren’t I?”

I felt heat rush to my ears, embarrassed by my clumsy attempt to comfort him by listing such elementary, kindergarten-level compliments. It was fortunate that it was too dark to see clearly.

“But it’s not a lie. You know that yourself, honestly. If you said you didn’t know, I think that would be more annoying.”

Glancing up at him, I saw that the tension and self-reproach from earlier had significantly faded from his eyes and lips. That was enough. The embarrassment was fleeting. He wasn’t mocking my childish attempt at comfort. Rather than mocking… his gaze towards me deepened.

His eyes, slowly moving as if meticulously tracing every part of my face, made me instinctively tense. Was this way of examining someone’s face his habit?

A scent, carried by the wind rustling through the branches, stimulated my sense of smell. This time, it was the scent I knew well.

I leaned forward without realizing it and inhaled deeply. His shoulder was only about a hand’s width away from mine.

“I thought you weren’t wearing that perfume today.”

“I mixed several. I hate it more than running into someone wearing the same clothes if our scents overlap.”

He said that as he emptied his glass and placed the empty glass on the table. Then, resting his arm on the back of the sofa, he turned his body towards me. His firm, long arm stretched across behind my back.

Just by turning his body towards me, the scent intensified. The scent seemed to pour out from his chest, which was spread open by his arm.

“Do you really want to cheer me up?”

I nodded. Bending the arm resting on the back of the sofa, he fiddled with my hair. His hand, lightly rubbing the ends of my hair, brushed past the edge of my ear and gently cupped my exposed nape.

He slid closer, his head tilting sharply, his lips pressing close to my ear. My shoulders flinched at the mere moist breath.

“There is… a way, you know.”

His whispered voice was like a metaphor for a secret that aroused curiosity. His husky low tone was sweet, as if gently scratching my stomach.

His high nose, lightly brushing my ear, slowly traced across my cheek. And as it neared my nose, his face tilted at a different angle. I pulled back slightly, but it wasn’t a sign of rejection. It was an action born of surprise, astonishment, and a little fear.

Our lips brushed against each other. And the next moment, he pressed me more deeply. With every movement of his head, his substantial lips pushed and were pushed. Even with that shallow contact, I couldn’t move at all.

His hot, dry lips lingered on my lower lip, then my upper lip, in turn. He repeated the action of holding them between his lips, sucking and then releasing, as if squeezing out the juices within.

Lost in a dizzying, swaying sensation, I reached out and grabbed the hem of his jacket. My breath hitched, and my shoulders stiffened, then collapsed limply, repeatedly. I didn’t know how to control myself.

As I blinked slowly, his eyes were there, gazing at me from an impossibly close distance.

“It’s my first kiss.”

He whispered, looking down at me with narrowed eyes from a distance where our lips could brush.

My memory was not mistaken.

I had replayed that night’s events countless times since then, but I couldn’t find any scene where our lips had met. It wasn’t that I had forgotten; the act that night did not include a kiss.

I couldn’t understand what it meant that even though we had rubbed our bare bodies together and reached climax, the kiss had been omitted.

“I didn’t want to take away a kiss from someone who was mentally in a state of panic.”

It was an explanation as if he had read my curiosity.

He added, slowly sucking my lower lip once more, then releasing it.

“It felt like it might be your first kiss, too.”

“……”

The thought that he considered me a novice who hadn’t even kissed by this age made me feel strangely weak, and I felt an urge to deny it, to say no, even though his guess was true.

However, considering that it was my first kiss in that situation and that he had deliberately restrained himself from kissing me, I felt a slight smile and a bit of tension release at his unexpected delicacy and self-control.

Did he think that I had assigned meaning to my first kiss and cherished it dearly?

I hadn’t set high standards and deliberately saved it, but I also hadn’t thought it was okay to do it with just anyone, anywhere. If there had been a kiss that night, and I hadn’t remembered it, I probably would have regretted it.

Thinking about it that way, his judgment was correct. It couldn’t be called excessive or unnecessary consideration.

He gently stroked the back of my neck like a massage and lightly scraped my lips with his teeth.

“How much do you remember about that day?”

“……”

I had interpreted his attitude since that day as an unspoken message to pretend the event never happened.

But for me, it was my first sexual experience with another person, and the stimulation was so shocking that it even changed my mechanical, dry masturbation patterns.

Recalling the lewd words that had fueled my arousal and the strong touch that had stimulated my genitals, I couldn’t meet his eyes.

Biting my lip, I lowered my head, and his lips followed. As I released my lips from the tickle of his tongue licking the bitten part, his lips immediately sucked me in. The sensation of his lips gnawing at my flesh made my shoulders hunch inward.

“Judging by your reaction… it seems you don’t remember it at all.”

At the end of his voice, tinged with laughter, he licked his lips as if savoring them. Before I could say anything, my lips were swallowed again. Since the first moment our lips touched, he hadn’t pulled away from my lips for more than ten seconds.

The density of the scent, breathing in such close proximity, was immense. It felt like he was blowing the scent itself into me through his lips. That scent, at this moment, brought back the memories of last time, layering them on top. It seemed that for me, this scent itself had become fixed to evoke sexual imagery.

The hand stroking the back of my neck moved to my shoulders and back, and his other hand unbuttoned my jacket.

His hand, sliding inside my jacket, fumbled over my chest on top of the smooth shirt. Finding my nipple with ease, he pushed up the protrusion with his middle finger and overlapped his lips with mine again. While overlapped, he slowly rubbed his lips left and right, up and down, revealing the moist inner lining, and the more intense contact of wet mucous membranes rubbing together caused a faint moan to escape my lips.

Under his middle finger, my nipples were twisted this way and that, growing harder. As my nipples hardened, my body tensed, and I grabbed his wrist, afraid of the thirst that made me want his touch to crush and suck that spot even harder. But this time, he gripped the flesh between his index finger and thumb, twisting and bending it until it hurt. Yet, it didn’t hurt; it tingled.

“Here. Remember how I used to suck here? You even offered it to my mouth yourself.”

I bit my lower lip. My brow furrowed involuntarily, and my back arched. But strangely, I wished he wouldn’t stop this caress and teasing.

Because I remembered all too well the pleasure that had sent shivers through my entire body when he licked, sucked, and bit that spot I had never even consciously acknowledged.

His lips left mine and lingered by my ear, whispering low and slow.

“Ah… I want to suck again.”

His voice, whispering with playful remembrance of the sweetness of food I’d enjoyed, yet undeniably filled with desire, made my veins throb and constrict. In an instant, ‘that feeling’ surged powerfully. I felt like I was going crazy with the desire to have him suck on my nipples again, just like last time.

Clutching the lapel of his jacket as if begging, I gasped for breath. Not missing a beat, his tongue pushed its way in. He pushed his tongue so deep it felt like it would block my airway. My jaw fell open, and his wet, flexible flesh swirled all over my mouth. It felt like drinking liquidized scent.

His hand wrapped around my thigh. The touch, which had been stroking softly as if to soothe me, gained viscosity and slid deeper inside. His hand rubbed the warm skin encased by my pants, and now, not just my upper body, but down to my waist, I was trembling.

“H, hngh…”

It was becoming difficult to continue the kiss. I pulled away as if fleeing and buried my forehead in his shoulder. Embarrassingly, I was half-aroused.

He, having lost the tongue he was sucking on, hugged my back as if patting me and lowered his head, whispering close to my ear.

“Shall we go to the hotel?”

Already enveloped in his scent, I tilted my head towards his neck. The scent, inhaled directly from his skin, was like a drug. Greedily, I took several deep breaths.

He looked down at me, spat out a low curse, and tried to quickly get up from his seat.

“Um…”

I grabbed him urgently and pulled him back. He changed his posture from trying to stand and sat back down beside me. He made a gesture of tucking my neatly combed hair behind my ear, then lowered his head and pressed his lips close to my ear.

“What’s wrong? I know you’re in a hurry, but we still need to move locations. I have no intention of stopping within the limits of what’s possible here, you know?”

“……”

Rather than confessing that I was aroused, it felt easier to open the front of my shirt right here and offer him my nipples. I resented my penis, which had become hard enough to burst from mere kissing.

I raised my head and looked at him. My eyes were clearly swimming with desire and longing for him, but I had no choice but to hope he would notice my situation.

He looked into my left eye, then my right, slowly, and then bumped his forehead against mine.

“I’m sorry. I teased you, knowing what was happening. Honestly, I don’t have the composure for this either… so there’s no need to be embarrassed.”

After making a call to have the car brought around, he had me take off my jacket. Draping the removed jacket over my arm to roughly cover myself, we stood up.

We squeezed through the crowded first-floor lobby, where the jazz piano melody had been replaced by the DJ’s dance music, and ran down the stairs hand in hand.

A car different from the one my older sister and Hyung had arrived in (presumably the one he came in) was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. As soon as I got in the back seat, he pounced and kissed me before the doorman could even close the door.

As I received his cascading shoulders and lips, I glanced towards the front seat. He cupped my cheek with his hand, making me focus on him. The moment the car started moving, a sliding blind was drawn over the window between the front and back seats.

His strength, pushing me towards the door, prevented me from facing forward; I was leaning against the door, half-lying down. He, too, ungracefully climbed halfway onto the seat and burrowed between my legs.

Like a boy who had just discovered another’s lips and become completely lost in them, he clung to mine. He kissed me countless times, like a peck, bit me with his teeth, overlapped our mouths deeply, and sucked and chewed. He rubbed his tongue against mine, coaxed my tongue into his mouth, and clenched it, filling my mouth.

This was not a kiss where we closed our eyes and savored each other’s presence. We never broke eye contact.

He pulled the hem of his shirt out of his pants and slid his hand inside my clothes. My back jolted at the feel of his hand on my bare skin. I groaned and grabbed his shoulder. Still kissing me, he took off his jacket and threw it down carelessly. Then he grabbed my arm, put it around his neck, and pulled me onto his lap, hugging my back.

My already aroused penis pressed tightly against his body, and my whole body trembled. Shame or not, I tightened my grip around his neck and pressed my penis against his lower abdomen. Feeling the hardness of his penis below my testicles gave me a measure of reassurance.

In our intertwined position, we explored each other’s clothed bodies and tangled our tongues. With eyes glazed and softened, we openly revealed our desire for each other. His scent, like music creating a sexy atmosphere or a hallucination that paralyzes reason, made me bold.

“If a Beta could detect an Alpha’s pheromones, we probably would have run downstairs by now and been tangled up in the back of my car.”

In-woo Hyung’s words came to mind.

Along with his statement that Alphas and Omegas could be attracted to each other regardless of pheromones.

It was exactly as he said. He, a Golden Alpha, and I, a Beta, were burning with lust for each other even without pheromones, and we couldn’t wait even for the short time it took to get to the hotel room, getting tangled up in the back of the car.

“Having to hold back again until we get to the room. It’s pure hell.”

He muttered in despair as he confirmed we were entering the driveway leading to the hotel entrance. Even as he spoke, his hand didn’t leave my butt.

“I’m sorry. Can you endure hell for another 5 minutes, or rather, 3 minutes?”

His face, saying that with a serious expression, made me laugh. It was surprising that I could still laugh in this situation. I nodded.

Holding his hand, with our clothes disheveled and our breaths ragged, we crossed the lobby. Fortunately, the elevator hall was empty late on a Sunday. If we had run into a family traveling with young children, I might have been plagued by self-loathing, hiding my aroused penis with my jacket.

The express elevator took us to the 42nd floor in an instant.

It was supposed to be instant, but it felt agonizingly long. As he said, it was hell.

Feeling something about to overflow within me, I felt I had to stop it, whatever it was, and covered my mouth with my jacket. He hugged me from behind.

His arms, gathered at my lower abdomen, squeezed my waist tightly. If anyone had seen us, they would have thought he was supporting me so I wouldn’t collapse, unable to stand properly.

I felt a simultaneous pull from two extremes: the urge to twist away and escape, and the desire to turn around, embrace him, and rub my body against his firm flesh.

The former was me, still in the realm of reason and inertia; the latter was a new me, awakened to the realm of pleasure and instinct brought by the satisfaction of lust.

Though it had only happened once, based on experience, I knew which one I would choose to be led by from now on.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, he snatched my wrist and strode across the hallway. My legs, lacking strength, barely followed him, feeling almost dragged.

The moment he opened the door, we poured inside. Or rather, he pulled me in forcefully. He tossed the card key carelessly onto the console by the entrance and wrapped his long arms around my back.

My jacket fell to the floor, and the next moment, my back hit the wall of the corridor leading to the living room. But I didn’t feel any pain. Our lips met again, sweet as a drop of wine on the tip of the tongue after a long period of waiting, making me forget everything else.

I, too, wrapped my arms around his back, holding him tightly enough to wrinkle his shirt. My lips parted and closed repeatedly, and my entire sensory awareness focused on my lips, caught in the stinging, dizzying suction.

Unable to withstand his force, which seemed intent on throwing me onto the bare floor, I stumbled backward and hit my thighs on the back of the sofa. Then, the round dining table where we had held meetings and eaten breakfast together throughout our pair period was pushed back by him. A couple of chairs fell over, but neither of us cared.

“Ngh.”

After losing my balance and nearly falling several times, being pushed and pushed, the dead end we stopped at was the floor-to-ceiling window.

He cornered me against the 42nd-floor window overlooking the Tsim Sha Tsui night view. For a while, he panted, just staring into my eyes from close range.

His broad shoulders, heaving visibly right before me, looked as angry as if I had betrayed him. Within his furrowed eyelids, his light blue irises seemed to bubble like carbonation. It was strange that even someone like him could become so aroused by lust.

Feeling the cold glass against my back, I, too, just gazed at the desire, akin to anger, that he exuded. Breathing in the scent that thickened in his private space.

The next moment, he tilted his head and overlapped his lips with mine again, which, contrary to his gaze, were surprisingly soft. A shower of small kisses rained down, pressing and releasing my lips.

As if to plead, he gripped my neck with one hand, then spread his fingers and traced downwards. Drawing a large curve over my smooth shirt, he reached my lower abdomen, skillfully unbuckled my belt with one hand, and unzipped my pants.

As soon as the zipper parted in a V-shape, his hand urgently slid inside my briefs.

“Ugh, hngh…”

I squeezed my eyes shut at the sensation of his fingers wrapping around my penis and bit my lip. The bulk created by his large hand stroking my penis inside my underwear caused my pants, which had been slowly sliding down, to fall to my ankles with a thud.

Instinctively, I opened my eyes and looked down. The movement of his hand caressing my penis inside my underwear was starkly visible. The sight, more suggestive than if it had been exposed, made my skin prickle.

His hand, disappearing inside my underwear, felt like a symbol of intimate friction and union, of sex itself.

He rested his elbow on the glass window with his other arm, the one not fumbling inside my underwear, and pressed his lips to my ear.

“I thought this last time, too.”

He continued, his voice hoarse, stroking my penis from the base with his entire palm.

“Your penis is bigger than I thought.”

Leaning my forehead against his shoulder, which stood before me like a solid wall, I shook my head.

“Why? It’s pretty big, isn’t it?”

“You shouldn’t compare me to yourself. Compared to me, anyone else would seem insignificant.” — He added in a mischievous voice, caressing the curve of my ear with his hot tongue. Though he sounded like he was joking, I couldn’t laugh. Even if it was a joke, the content of his words was true.

My hearing, becoming damp and sensitive, only managed a twitch of my shoulder.

“You look like you just stepped out of the shower, but when I took off your clothes, your penis was big, and you seemed like you’d be quite passionate… and you rubbed it against my stomach… Oh, it was so lewd.”

I shook my head vigorously again. I didn’t know if I was trying to deny his words or tell him to stop whispering them in my ear. But in reality, I didn’t dislike the content of his words, nor his whispers.

From under my bowed head, my eyes were fixed on his hand fumbling inside my underwear. My shoulders shook as if I were about to burst into tears. I covered my mouth with one hand and grabbed his side with the other. His arm, resting on the window above my shoulder, gently but firmly pulled my hand away from my mouth. Deep inside my briefs, his fingertips lightly tapped my testicles. My waist twitched and writhed.

“Don’t just say no… tell me about mine. You kept staring at it.”

“……”

“Lift your head.”

At his soft command, I reluctantly lifted my forehead from his shoulder. Slurp. Slurp. His lips immediately came to me, swallowing me, pressing me like squeezing juice, then releasing me. I couldn’t tell if these lips were mine or his anymore. Due to the swelling from the continuous suction, I felt his lips even when he wasn’t kissing me.

He pressed his forehead against mine, preventing me from bowing my head again, and rubbed his nose against mine. At this close distance, there was no room to breathe and escape his scent.

“How was it, my thing?”

“Hee, hng.”

The rhythm of my breathing completely broke as his large palm slid deep between my legs, passing over my testicles.

The friction, repeatedly stroking me from below, revealed his own arousal and, at the same time, roughly dragged my arousal, which was still hesitant due to the inertia of daily life, out of the bounds of reason.

To support my collapsing body, I moved my hands from his side to his shoulders. His arm, stroking me from below with a force that seemed to lift me, was bunched like rock. I could tell he was restraining himself a lot.

However, the movement of his hand, seeking an honest confession, was still blatant. As the in-and-out motion quickened, my legs spread awkwardly. It became a ridiculous posture, but neither of us laughed. Instead, the embarrassing pose seemed to heighten the sexual symbolism of the act, further intensifying my arousal.

“It… it was big…”

And the arousal finally made me speak.

“Is that all?”

He, with a face that seemed strangely excited, grinned at me. My mind was gradually tilting, conjuring images of insertion, thrusting, and sex, suggested by the hand moving between my legs.

My body swayed with the force of his hand pushing past my lower abdomen and into the back of my buttocks. His palm, wet with the pre-ejaculate that had dripped from my penis, created friction against my soft inner flesh, igniting heat below. My heels lifted off the ground on their own.

I lunged forward and hugged his neck. If I were honest, I would feel at ease. It would also stop his torment.

“I wanted to touch it…”

It was the beginning of my confession. I hugged his neck tighter, so he couldn’t see me.

“I thought it was lewd… and exciting, too.”

The memory of the distorted pleasure I gained from whispering forbidden words into his ear, and the sweet praise he gave me at the end, spurred me on from deep within my body.

“It felt like it was made for sex… Just looking at it in the dark made my legs tingle… Ugh.”

I had to stop my confession and bite my lip.

His hand, which had been rubbing my perineum, was now crushing my closed anus. He hadn’t pushed inside, but the force was such that it felt like he could push inside at any moment.

“…What is sex?”

“……”

As if angered by the words of a child who didn’t even know what sex was, his breathing became a hiss. He turned his head and bit my ear, then gently scratched around my anus. With a primal itch that felt like it was scratching my internal organs, I unbelievably shook my hips noisily, as if urging him on, while still hugging his neck.

He carelessly pushed my underwear down.

As he fumbled with it, my thoroughly wet penis was exposed, and I rubbed it against his clothed penis myself. It was a series of unbelievable events, but I had to accept that this was me, or at least a part of me.

“You look like you just stepped out of the shower, but when I took off your clothes, your penis was big, and you seemed like you’d be quite passionate” — that was his assessment of me in bed, and I didn’t dislike his gaze, which saw me that way, no matter what was happening.

His penis was also erect, pulling the front of his pants taut and bulging.

A palpable sense of volume, rising heavily, conjured the distinct shape of a penis, and my mind went hazy with excitement. As I exhaled a heated breath, he gripped my buttocks with both hands, twisting the flesh as I writhed.

“I want to put it in….”

His voice was one that savored pain, swallowing it down one syllable at a time.

“You know what that means, right? Inside Seo Yi-hyun… I want to insert it.”

His desperate, anxious whisper elicited a groan from me. As my lips parted, he twisted his head and sucked on my lower lip. Simultaneously, he slid his hand, slick with my pre-cum, between my cheeks and began to rub in circles over my anus.

“Inside here… the place that’s become swollen. Can I find it and rub it with my penis?”

“S-stop….”

Overwhelmed by a pleasure that bordered on agony, I turned my head away. As if he wouldn’t allow me to look away, he immediately followed, swallowing my lips. He consumed and sucked both my upper and lower lips at once, pulling them in multiple times. As he swallowed me, sucked me, and explored me, I too had become a part of his scent.

“Why, that’s sex, isn’t it? You said mine was made for that. So I should do it for you.”

A longer string of curses followed the usual short “Fuck.” Though I couldn’t be sure, lost in my daze, it sounded like rapid-fire foreign words telling me he wanted to completely ruin me…

His grip on my buttocks tightened until my flesh ached. He forcefully spread my cheeks apart, stretching my unseen anus to the sides.

“I can’t stand it. I want to put it in, thrust, and have sex with you right now.”

It was the voice of a man desperate for penetration and release. The fact that I was the object of that craving made my body throb. I, too, wanted his penetration and release, wanted it to happen through me.

■ ■ ■

He tossed me onto a pristine white bed, meticulously made without a single wrinkle. It felt like sinking into thousands of feathers, only to resurface.

He looked down at me, naked from the waist down, wearing only a shirt that exposed my erect penis beneath its hem. From the floor, he quickly shed his own clothes.

The bedroom, unlit by separate lamps, was dim, yet bright enough to discern everything within. Still, he showed no hesitation, revealing his entire self.

His muscles, tightly bunted with arousal and exhilaration, were like hardened armor. It was strange to think that such a muscular physique looked sleek when he wore a wetsuit. It was partly the power of high-end suits that made him appear a size smaller, but the proportions of his long limbs were also undeniable. He had an ideal, beautiful body.

Without a hint of awkwardness or shyness, he stood facing me and reached into his boxer briefs, the last garment he wore.

Stretched to its maximum tension, his penis was clearly outlined within the briefs, erect and curved to the right. Stroking himself through the fabric, he pushed the underwear down with his fingertips.

The briefs slid down at an angle, rolling down. His semi-erect penis, released from the pressure, sprang out above the dark pubic hair that extended from his navel, and swayed slowly under its own weight.

It was a penis that made me feel as though sex had already begun, just by looking at it.

If I hadn’t had the experience from last time, I wouldn’t have believed it was only half-erect.

As if showing off a little, he slowly stroked his penis from the base to the glans and then climbed onto the bed on his knees. Looking up at him as he closed the distance, I began to unbutton my shirt. It wasn’t easy to unbutton with one hand while supporting my upper body with my elbow. The sight of his naked body, combined with the arousal that had been building since the living room, made my hands tremble even more.

Seeing my trembling hands fumbling with the tiny buttons, he crawled across the mattress on all fours and kissed me. I stopped unbuttoning and returned the kiss.

“You’re swollen.”

He whispered, sucking my lower lip before releasing it with a snap.

I instinctively touched my lips with my fingertips. The marks from his countless kisses and bites remained, a lingering heat that felt more swollen than usual.

“Well, I guess I did do a lot of sucking.”

He laughed, admitting his persistence. But it wasn’t an apology. Our lips met again immediately.

“Ugh, mmm….”

This time, the kiss was more forceful, more passionate.

As he pushed his thighs under mine and burrowed in, I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep from falling. A groan escaped me at the unpredictable movements of the wet flesh rubbing and tangling against my tongue.

His kiss seemed to dissolve his scent into saliva, and with every swallow, I felt that unique fragrance absorb into my body, racing through my veins. It wasn’t just my sense of smell, but my entire being, that was becoming saturated with his scent.

It was like an addictive drug, one I couldn’t get enough of, and I sweetly swallowed the saliva he poured into me. His scent, which never grew familiar or accustomed, maintained its initial shock, a mysterious effect that transcended the olfactory senses.

My tongue, steeped in that scent, completely blocked my mouth. I had no choice but to press against his tongue and suck, squeezing out space for air.

He wrapped one arm around my waist and reached with his other hand, impatiently snapping off a couple of the buttons I hadn’t managed to undo. His palm immediately plunged into my chest.

My back stiffened at his touch, his fingers and thumb pinching and pulling the flesh of my erect nipple, which felt soft on the outside but hardened within. I tightened my grip on his neck and twisted my lips, which were parted and pressed together, rubbing them deeply. It was an action that seemed to beg for more intense caresses.

As if stimulated, he swirled his tongue from side to side inside my mouth. A groan bubbled in my throat at the lewd flicking.

One side of my shirt was pulled back over my shoulder. He bit my exposed shoulder before moving down to my chest. His pointed tongue teased my hard nipple, bending it this way and that.

“Ugh…”

I bit my lip to suppress the moans escaping me. One arm still held his neck, while the other braced my upper body behind me.

I had to rub my toes against the sheet, as he only tapped upwards from below, not giving me the stimulation I craved.

Looking down at his lush eyelashes focused on my nipple, I eventually pushed one breast further forward. His gaze turned upwards.

My hardened nipple touched his lips, but he didn’t open his mouth; he just looked at me. I twisted my shoulders back and forth, rubbing my nipple against his lips. With the hand around his neck, I stroked his tensed shoulder and the back of his neck.

Looking down at him, his face was, once again, strikingly handsome. The fact that I was rubbing my nipple against that flawless face, demanding a sexual response from him… felt more intimate than any direct act during sex.

“Do it for me….”

The honest confession was a desperate whisper.

I pulled him closer, pressing my chest against him as if to embrace him. My nipple was completely buried between his sensual lips, hidden from view. Overwhelmed by the building, almost maximum arousal, I was already deviating from my intended path without his prompting. I hadn’t realized that even the pauses, the moments of not touching, could be stimulating.

“Hng!”

Suddenly, he pursed his lips and sucked on the nipple I was holding. The intense pressure, as if squeezing a knob, made me throw my head back, my fingers tangling in his hair.

While tightening the tip with his lips, he scraped the edge with his tongue, then soon engulfed and chewed the entire areola, sucking my breast so hard that a faint, embarrassing sound escaped.

Along with the quenching of my thirst, a tingling pleasure spread through my body, like a tickle. With my arms around his neck, I collapsed onto the large pillows piled high behind me.

As he lay on top of me, our bodies pressed together seamlessly, providing a sense of satisfaction. My penis brushed against his lower abdomen, and his touched the inside of my thighs. As he began to thrust, our contact became friction.

He sucked my nipples with such passion that the air escaped with a squeaking sound. He then slid his right knee between my thighs, pushing them apart. His firm thighs dug into the outside of my hips. As our lower halves met, his thick penis pressed tightly against my perineum, and he immediately began to thrust.

His actions, reminiscent of his earlier declaration of wanting to put it in and thrust, made me unable to suppress my own anticipation of connecting with him through our penises.

Even though I had never considered the pleasure of receiving another person’s penis inside me, the fact that I desired it, as if it were the natural next step, felt strange. But looking back at my reactions in his bedroom last time, it wasn’t entirely surprising.

Perhaps my repressed desires, suppressed in every other aspect of my life, were exploding in a twisted way sexually. Or maybe it was a naive, dangerous obsession, a willingness to do anything he wanted.

Whatever it was, I wanted him too. There was nothing to add or subtract; it was the principle and rule that governed me at this moment. Nothing was happening due to force or coercion.

He slid his hand between our stomachs and delved deep between my legs, fumbling over my anus. For a moment, I lost my grip on his neck and twisted my shoulder painfully.

“Why are you squirming?”

He released my nipple and moved up, licking the outline of my lips with a slight smile. He seemed to be enjoying my flushed reaction to his lewd thrusting against my groin, his face amused. I didn’t dislike that slightly roguish expression.

“Here… it keeps twitching. As if expecting something.”

His expression, which had been pressing lightly on the entrance as if he were about to push a finger inside, subtly hardened. His eyelashes fluttered at the edges of his furrowed brow.

After thoroughly exploring the area around my entrance, he seemed to find his fingers insufficient and began to rub with his entire palm.

“Hng, sst.”

His touch, as if searching for something, was almost devoid of stickiness or lewd intent, yet my sensitized body flinched and recoiled even from such an almost clinical touch.

Was something wrong? I looked up at him with anxious, yet still flushed, eyes. He repeatedly rubbed my lower half with his palm, pressing and stroking particularly around my anus, his brow furrowed as he alternated glances with me.

I think I understood.

He still harbored doubts, wondering if I might be an Omega.

Last time, I had been almost ignorant about Alphas and Omegas, but not now. I could guess his intentions to some extent.

He seemed to be searching for Omega pheromones between my legs.

Even though he had told the blonde man himself, just a few hours ago, that it was useless for me to release pheromones because I was a Beta.

Or perhaps, he was hoping I was an Omega.

But he was an Alpha who didn’t use pheromones even in bed, so there was no reason for me to be an Omega.

He finally finished his examination by lightly inserting a fingertip into my anus, twisting it out as if scraping off cream. He then withdrew his hand from between my legs. In front of my eyes, he licked and smelled his hand, which had nothing on it.

He looked down at me, licking between his fingers, his face appearing ecstatic, as if inhaling a hallucination-inducing scent. It was clearly just his fingers, with nothing on them.

Keeping his gaze locked on mine, he covered my face with his hands. His long fingers stretched across my cheeks, obscuring part of my eyes. As I blinked, his fingers brushed against my eyelashes.

He leaned in and licked my lips through his fingers. As his tongue tip delved into my mouth and touched the back of my mucous membrane, I too became dazed, as if under a hallucination. Hesitantly, I extended my tongue and rubbed it against his hot, wet tongue. His tongue was like an inexhaustible fount of his scent.

Between his index and middle fingers, between his middle and ring fingers.

We searched for and explored each other’s tongues like playing hide-and-seek. What was this? Just having his fingers between us made the kiss more tender and intensely stimulating.

With rising impatience, I writhed my hips, scratching and biting his fingers. With narrowed eyes, he watched my ascent and burning desire, never missing a moment.

As the kiss deepened, the sensation in my belly, or rather, deep inside my anus, intensified. His penis, rubbing against my groin and inner thighs, was too present to ignore. With every subtle thrust of his hips, his penis seemed poised to penetrate my flesh.

“Huu, hng….”

He looked down at me, writhing my hips on my own, wanting to be rubbed deeper, and raised his upper body. Then he grabbed my ankles.

Without any warning or hesitation, he lifted my ankles into the air, spreading them wide apart.

“Sst.”

The seriousness of his actions, performed with a solemn expression, only amplified my shame. My legs, spread wide in a large V towards the ceiling, were handled like a doll’s by him, making me feel so helpless. As he tilted his head deeply to peer between my legs, I instinctively recoiled.

“I couldn’t see properly last time.”

His voice, explaining the reason for this embarrassing observation, was huskier than usual.

“It’s basic to get a good look at the place I’ll be licking with my tongue and entering with my penis.”

“W-what are you licking…!”

Before I could finish speaking, he pushed my ankles towards my shoulders. My knees bent, folding my body in half. The effort to lift my upper body was thwarted by the weight pressing down on my ankles.

My face was between my knees. My penis, testicles, and anus… my legs, usually hidden somewhere, were exposed upwards. I couldn’t remember ever being in such an awkward position, one that would only be attempted in special circumstances, and I felt blood rush to my face.

But I couldn’t deny that this awkwardness and shame… made it clearer that he and I were engrossed in an extremely private act, one we couldn’t speak of to others.

Perhaps my head had become dull from his scent, which hung heavy in the room like a diffuser’s fragrance, blurring the line between shame and pleasure. In reality, too strong a scent could cause a headache. This languid, hazy sensation, which at times sharply pinpointed the core of pleasure, was different from a headache, but similar in its ability to cloud judgment.

Without time to resist or struggle, he immediately grabbed my hips and pulled me up. As my upper body, buried in the pillows, was pulled down, my lower body was lifted upwards.

My legs, fully exposed upwards, were raised to the height of his chest. He only had to slightly lower his head to look and lick wherever he pleased.

I squeezed out the last vestiges of reason remaining in a corner of my mind. As if I wouldn’t be able to face myself after the act if I didn’t even attempt this much.

I reached out, trying to cover my legs, but he was faster. He lowered his head and pointed the tip of his tongue, drawing a long line over my perineum, beneath my inverted testicles.

“Haa, hck.”

The sensation, like an electric shock coursing through my entire body, made my suspended calves writhe.

“It’s even more arousing when you seem to want to touch it yourself.”

He said, lightly biting my fingers as I belatedly fumbled over my anus. My attempts to interfere were counterproductive.

Looking up at his face, his tongue pressing over my anus between my fingers, a light self-deprecation washed over me that I was feeling a more intense thrill than shame in this scene.

“Are you still shy?”

“Hng, hck.”

He asked, licking the entrance intensely before rubbing it forcefully with his entire tongue.

“Don’t worry. You’ll forget it all soon. Just like last time.”

He scraped, bit, and nipped at the soft skin of my entrance, which was tightly closed. He repeatedly sucked and released with a sound like a dry friction, making my entire perineum glisten with his saliva.

The muscles around my stiffened anus softened, and the sensation of my body loosening and parting gently melted between my legs.

The same process of kisses he had poured onto my lips, he was repeating below me… in my most secret and private parts.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the sight of his stiffened, erect tongue slowly descending from above, burrowing inside. It was a position where he could see my everything, and I could also witness every kiss, every suction, every friction, every penetration he performed between my legs.

His tongue, having descended to a point where no further entry was possible, curved its tip and scraped against my inner walls as it withdrew. It lingered precariously at the entrance before burrowing inside once more.

“Hnnngh… Hnnngh…”

I gripped the sheets at the movement of his wet tongue appearing and disappearing between my legs. Even lying still, I was breathless. My engorged, inverted penis twitched without him even touching it.

The pressure of his tongue, now moving faster and thrusting inside, made my breathing even more ragged. The spacious bedroom filled with the sounds of wet friction between his tongue and my inner walls, and my gasps mixed with moans.

“Ah, no… Hnnngh, I don’t like that…!”

With his tongue pushed all the way in, flicking inside my walls, he made me writhe. The ticklish stimulation, applied where it couldn’t be scratched, made me arch my back and almost cry out.

I begged him in a voice choked with tightness to please rub harder, to hurt me.

He looked at me begging with anxious eyes, but he didn’t grant my request. When the tip of his tongue, which had been licking my mucous membrane, finally withdrew, my chest heaved as if I had run a sprint. The back of my shirt, which he hadn’t fully removed, was damp.

Without a moment to catch my breath, he pulled me closer, pressing his nose and mouth into my perineum and inhaling deeply. He moved his head back and forth as if searching for traces of a precious item I had hidden long ago, biting and sucking my entire groin.

His eyes, flashing green even in the darkness, and his broad shoulders, repeatedly tensing and relaxing, proved that he too was not at peace, that his reason was crumbling under this foreplay.

He inhaled my soft skin as if to draw it into his nostrils, then looked up at me with his face buried completely in my perineum.

I distinctly remember hiding it around here, but it’s nowhere. —That was the look on his face.

“Seo Yi-hyun-ssi.”

“…….”

Was burying his face between my legs and calling my name a form of torment? Or part of the caress?

Was it because he did it with such a handsome face and a pleasant voice that I felt aroused even in this position where he was freely playing with my private parts?

Lost in such disconnected thoughts, I stared blankly up at his face, my breathing still unsteady.

“What the hell are you?”

What was he asking about?

I fumbled through my hazy, flushed consciousness, trying to find an answer, but found nothing.

Perhaps, right now, I was nothing. Burning from being so openly exposed, rubbed, and stirred by him, I was nothing more than a piece of myself that wanted to reach deeper, to have deeper places overlap and rub together.

Burying his nose and mouth deep into my perineum and rubbing his face, he inhaled deeply once more. Using his teeth and lips alternately, he gnawed at the area around my anus, and his high, hard nose poked at my soft inner flesh.

It seemed he… quite liked my groin. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be clinging to me like this, biting and sucking.

Watching him, my stomach fluttered, and I involuntarily tensed my lower body.

As if sweet juice were flowing from my anus, he again took my entrance into his mouth, sucking and smacking as if to wring out and drink what was inside.

“Smelling like this… and yet you say no.”

My consciousness was hazy, so I couldn’t be sure, but he muttered something along those lines to himself before finally lowering my hips onto the mat. Then, he raised his arm to wipe the sweat from his face and crawled past me to the edge of the bed.

His glistening, erect penis dangled upside down. Turning my head, my breath coming in ragged gasps, my gaze fell upon it, likely wet with desire.

He rummaged through the bedside table drawer and pulled out a tube. It was lubricant.

Stretching my left leg long towards my shoulder, he lifted my hips again and embraced me, then squeezed a generous amount of lubricant wide between my legs.

“Ugh…”

My shoulders flinched at the slightly cool sensation on my hot, damp skin. He glanced down at me, then silently poured a large amount of lubricant, enough to flow down his testicles and penis, into the crease between my buttocks.

The feeling of the sticky liquid, now lukewarm, sliding over my soft skin made my raised hips twitch.

With every twitch, the entrance of the opening, which was changing shape and revealing all those changes before his eyes, was clearly imagined, but I couldn’t stop reacting.

He spread the lubricant over my entire groin with his palm, then bit down on my right buttock and pressed firmly with his middle finger on one side of my anal entrance.

“Hnnngh, Hnnngh…”

As the entrance widened and the liquid flowed in, I twisted my hips from side to side. The opening widened further, and more lubricant seeped in. Seizing the opportunity, my finger, slick with the liquid, gently burrowed inside.

It felt different from when his tongue entered. The sensation of my entrance being widened and my inner walls being rubbed by a part with bones and joints, harder yet more flexible than a tongue, was distinct.

My fingers felt like they were about to get stuck at the entrance, and he rotated his wrist, scraping my mucous membrane. The sensation of his fingertips lightly scratching inside, as if tickling me, made my buttock muscles twitch, and with that twitch, I felt my lower body involuntarily clench.

My unconscious tightening made his eyes narrow as he looked down at me.

“Later, you can’t do this. If you clench like this… it’ll break.”

His voice, cracked, showed his excitement, and his consideration as he tried to slowly open my body while suppressing his arousal to the maximum.

It seemed my unconscious clenching had stimulated him. The speed of his in-and-out movements began to quicken.

His expression, with his brow furrowed and teeth clenched, looked like someone struggling to control a great rage that threatened to consume him. The arm around my waist tightened so much it felt like it was scraping my skin, but I didn’t have the mental capacity to worry about that.

It was just one finger, but with the rapid speed of thrusting inside, vertically from top to bottom without wasting any force, my whole body jolted as if he were pressing down with his hips or lower body, not just his finger.

“Ugh, Nngh… Hnnngh…”

My trembling breaths, matching the rhythm of his in-and-out movements, were lewd, directly evoking the obscene coming and going happening between my legs. Due to the lubricant that had seeped between the mucous membrane and his finger, the sound effects of the act were wet and explicit.

That a part of his body was entering and exiting my body through a part too secret to name. That he was engrossed and aroused by the act of rapidly thrusting inside me, panting like a raging beast.

—Just the consciousness of that made my penis twitch, and a rising sensation, similar to the thrill just before ejaculation, washed over me.

“It’s soft. It’s unbelievable that you’re a Beta.”

While thrusting inside me with his elbow bent at a right angle, his fingers moving so fast that their number was indistinguishable, he continued to bite his right buttock.

“Still, if you want to have real sex, this won’t do. It needs to open wider.”

He seemed desperate now.

His penis had been pressing against my back throughout his caresses and the opening of my lower body. No matter how potent an Alpha’s sexual prowess was, if he had endured this much in such an aroused state, he must have reached a point where he couldn’t bear it without direct stimulation to his penis.

He lowered my lower body and picked up the lubricant again. I could now bring my legs closer together than when they were raised. As my leg position became more comfortable, the tension in the muscles around my anus also decreased.

Instead of spraying lubricant directly onto my skin, he poured it into his palm and gently spread it over my soft inner flesh.

“Hnnngh, Ugh.”

My groin, completely sensitized by the continuous caresses, flinched at his touch alone.

Fingers, now thicker and more numerous than before, slid in without resistance, and he spread his fingers inside to push in a larger amount of lubricant. With each deep breath and moan, my opening twitched, and a little lubricant seeped out. It was astonishing that my anus possessed such sensitive perception, allowing me to feel all of it.

“Ah, Ugh, Hnnngh…”

As his fingertips gently circled my mucous membrane like a massage, slowly delving deeper, my hips lifted.

Carefully observing my reaction, he sat up. His fingers still traced my inner walls, as if spreading lubricant evenly over the entire mucous membrane.

With my left leg stretched long beside my right shoulder, he brought my legs together and placed them on his right thigh. This time, my legs were brought together so tightly that his hands were wedged between them.

“Ughhh… Hnnngh…”

In that position, his fingers thrusting deeply, my jaw jutted back, and my suspended hips trembled. Even though they were already fully inside, he repeatedly rotated his wrists, as if wanting to penetrate deeper.

And then the onslaught began.

His rapid thrusts and strong pressure wildly entered my insides, which had melted into a state like ice cream ready to be eaten.

With the force of his entire shoulder and arm pushing me up, not just his fingers, my breath trembled like I was inside a washing machine on a spin cycle.

Straightening his fingers, or bending them, shallowly around the entrance, or deeply as if pushing in a fist, thwack.

Penetrating my lower body persistently, with varying direction and depth, but always maintaining a rapid pace, I moaned, shaking my head without even realizing what I was reacting to.

“Haa… Ah, Haaahng…”

Being penetrated in a relaxed, limp state, with all tension released, was far more stimulating than when my hips were lifted and my muscles were stretched. My muscles were loose, leaving me with almost no strength to resist the foreign object that split and entered me.

As he pushed in, my lower body, already occupied to its deepest point, felt full and unfamiliar, a stimulating foreignness that made me unconsciously reach out and wrap my arm around his calf, which was stretched beside my right shoulder.

“D-deep… Too fast…”

Every word was cut off before it could be completed. My uncontrolled, haphazard breaths were undeniably moans, offering no room for denial. My gaze, looking up at him as I trembled, was moist with pleading. His eyes, looking down at me with my lower lip bitten hard, also gleamed with a strange light. Veins stood out on his right arm, which was shaking me.

“Eughp, Hup. Hup!”

At one moment, he bent his fingertips and pressed hard on a certain spot, causing an unfamiliar sensation, and I opened my eyes wide and gasped.

The jolt that struck my body like a brief lightning bolt made me bite into his calf and frantically caress his firm, bunched thigh.

“You’re driving me crazy.”

“Hnnngh!”

Like pulling a plug from the bottom of a bathtub full of water, he cursed and his hand suddenly withdrew from below.

Then, he quickly changed positions, pushing his knees between my thighs. The force pushing outwards spread my legs apart again, and he knelt between them, finding his place.

Sliding his knees under my spread thighs, he took his penis in his hand.

Considering its weight, which could be roughly estimated by its thickness and length, the erect angle his penis maintained was unbelievable. Rising from amidst his sweaty, thick pubic hair, it looked impossible to fit inside me.

Holding the middle of his penis and aiming the glans at my entrance, he rubbed the glistening pre-cum from his thick glans around the entrance several times. As if it were a magic elixir that would help make the seemingly impossible penetration possible.

During this time, he licked his lower lip with his tongue several times. Then, he pulled my hand, which had been hanging limply from the prolonged caress. I naturally rose to sit on his thighs.

Pulling off my shirt, which was half-undone, from the nape of my neck, he kissed my collarbone and upper chest.

“This is the best position to avoid pain. Let me enter only as much as it doesn’t hurt. I know my size, I have some conscience. I won’t be dissatisfied with that.”

Perhaps my anxious eyes looking down at him were noticed. He took my hand and guided it to our groins, which were rubbing together, to feel the opening for myself.

“See, it’s still open.”

The feeling of his fingers overlapping mine, fumbling with the entrance together, was indescribably strange. My eyelids twitched faintly, and my chest swelled. He rubbed his lips against my swollen chest, then lifted his chin and licked my lower lip, whispering.

“Inside is even softer. I’m dying of anticipation.”

His eyes, looking up at me while sucking and biting my lower lip, were wet as if dreaming.

Barely supporting myself on my knees, I held his shoulders and slowly lowered my body. He firmly held my pillar from below to prevent his penis from being pushed out. The sensation of the wet glans parting my entrance and slowly penetrating was smoother than I expected.

The reality of a part that had never been opened before being forcibly parted and filled by an external force was vivid, but it did not involve pain, suffering, or discomfort.

To prevent my consciousness from focusing solely on my lower body, he continuously encouraged kisses.

Exchanging saliva, rubbing tongues, savoring the ticklish sensation of his tongue tip tracing the delicate lining of my inner cheek… I felt like a cotton ball soaked in fragrance. In the dim light, his naked body, glistening with sweat, was fragrance itself, and I, being licked, parted, and filled by him, was now a complete part of that fragrance.

As the layers of fragrance surrounding us thickened, so did the density of our arousal. Perhaps the unprecedentedly high level of sexual excitement was temporarily numbing all pain.

“Hoo… Hoo, Ugh.”

My grimaces, the short gasps as I bit and released my lips, the plea of pleasure as I suddenly bowed my head and dug my nails into his shoulder.

He was meticulously observing every reaction I showed as I accepted him, as if monitoring and recording it.

I didn’t want to hide anything either. Rather, my chest churned with a desire to reveal myself completely, whether it was the bottom of my body or the bottom of my mind, nakedly before him.

As his penis was swallowed deeper into me, I slowly closed my eyelids and let out a sweet moan, “Ah…” When I saw his face, I felt an urge to thrust his slowly penetrating member all the way in at once.

“Suck… harder.”

To suppress the impulse, I demanded pain from him. He, who had been licking my lower lip, immediately responded by biting the mucous membrane inside my lip painfully.

“How long do you think I’ve been waiting for this?”

He asked, his hand occasionally coming up to caress the area around my anus and help with insertion, deliberately and lewdly tracing the joined area.

I thought he had waited a long time.

He hadn’t become erect just from the kiss on the terrace like I had, but he had suppressed the urge to release the heat concentrated in his penis throughout the long foreplay.

“See how well you’re doing.”

He took my entire lip into his mouth, bit it lightly, and released it, then led my hand downwards again.

I couldn’t help but be surprised by my body’s adaptability, having thought that even just the glans entering would be a miracle. His penis, with a size that seemed ferocious, was already more than a third of the way inside me. It felt tight, but the pain was so faint that I hadn’t realized it had progressed this far.

Even if doing so wouldn’t let me see the point of connection with my eyes, I unconsciously turned my head back and looked down at my hips. As if stimulated by the act, he, who had only been waiting for me to move on my own until then, thrust his hips up and dug in.

“Fascinating? I thought I’d be good at it. But… I’m doing even better than I expected.”

He placed his hand over mine, guiding it to feel the slickness of the joined area, so I could confirm the opening of my anus swallowing his penis. Swaying my hips at the eroticism of the act, I pulled him deeper inside.

“Was my imagination this poor?”

He smiled faintly, indicating the satisfaction he felt within me. Though he was smiling, his face was filled with an anxious desire to lose control.

What, and how, had he imagined?

As if I could guess the content of his imagination even without hearing the answer, my hips twisted again.

Ugh. With the clenching that seemed to crush his penis, he contorted his face and bit down on his lower jaw.

“From here on, I’ll do it.”

As I brushed aside his hair that had fallen to cover his eyes, I nodded. Like a child who had finally received permission to eat candy, he rushed at me. With a kiss, my body lifted for a moment, then was laid down on the bed.

“I’d rather masturbate than hurt you. I will absolutely never hurt you. Don’t be scared. Okay?”

He said, kissing the surface of my lips. I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck. His heavy body pressed down on my chest, and he slipped his hand between the mattress and my back, gripping my hips.

“I’ve waited long enough.”

He muttered as if to himself, pulling at the flesh of my buttocks to widen the opening further. At the same time, his penis, hot and hard as a heated iron rod, pushed one more inch, shoving his large body deeper into me.

“Hah, heu, heu-eu, hup.”

My breath caught inside me, and my insides stretched taut. His expression contorted from the pressure that felt like it was crushing his penis. Seeing how my movements directly affected his reactions, the feeling of our connection was vivid.

“If we were doing this in the same house with the kids, I guess I would have been uneasy, right?”

“……”

Looking at his face as he whispered that with hot breath, I let out a delayed, dazed exclamation.

“Even if the rooms are different, it’s still a bit much, isn’t it?”

With a sweat-drenched face, he grinned, rolling his hips and rubbing his lower body against mine slickly.

I had thought preparing this hotel instead of his usual apartment was an event for my sister and Hyung, but perhaps that wasn’t the case. However, to think that he had planned a night like this with me and booked a hotel in advance… felt like too much of a leap. It was probably half a joke.

As I interpreted and concluded this, he covered me with his entire body, rubbing against me. The curve of his thick chest constricted my breathing, and my penis was pressed against his clearly defined, hard abs. Our legs tangled, binding us together.

I too, tracing the broad expanse of his back where large and small muscles rippled, touched him freely and cooperated by twisting my body to create a lewd friction. As our naked bodies rubbed together, our skin seemed to melt, and it felt as if I was mixing with him not just below, but all over my body.

At first, he didn’t try to push deeper. He stayed in a state of awkward insertion, merely widening the opening by circling his hips. He seemed more focused on kissing, caressing, and playfully touching and lightly pinching my back, waist, and buttocks.

But soon, the playfulness turned serious, and a rich scent bloomed wherever we rubbed and massaged. Locked tightly together, he repeatedly lifted and lowered his hips.

He withdrew, scraping my inner walls as if pulling out my entire being, then slowly pushed back in, twisting his hips to either side. The piston-like motion, not just pushing in but withdrawing and re-entering, made my breath tremble as if I were sobbing.

Still, I didn’t close my eyes. Without tearing our gaze from each other, I watched every trace of insertion appear on his face. As if missing this moment would be foolish.

His hips moved with astonishing flexibility, sometimes circling to rub the opening, sometimes undulating like waves from his shoulders to his buttocks, or sometimes just vibrating in place without pushing further in or withdrawing.

Each time, a strange pleasure stirred within me. The spasms that flared up as he thrust and then receded, tantalizingly out of reach, made me writhe.

I moaned as if pleading, pulling his body closer. I massaged his stiff nape and shoulders, tracing the contours of his bulging arm muscles. Locking eyes with him, I curled the tip of my tongue and rubbed it against his.

His hips withdrew, leaving only his glans, then slid back in with a ssuuk. My inner walls, which had momentarily contracted, spasmed and then opened again. The sensation of his glans rubbing past the throbbing area felt like it was gripping and teasing my throat.

“Heeu, heu… Ha-eu. Eu.”

Clutching his neck tightly, burying my lips in his nape, I forgot all shame and inhaled his scent with my nose and lips.

“Do you like my scent?”

His breathing was also uneven as he asked. I nodded vigorously. He too, bowed his head deeply and bit my ear and neck.

“I’m crazy about your scent too…”

With his upper body pressed tightly against me, he moved his lower body rapidly, biting my lips.

“Where is it coming from? Here?”

He panted, sucking on my lips, which had swollen as if about to burst with blood, completely losing his reason, just like me. In his eyes, where the blue had faintly faded, only a glint remained.

“Or, here?”

“Ha-a, heuk.”

My eyes widened for a moment at the force with which he held my shoulders and pulled me down while simultaneously pushing his hips up. It felt like his glans was pressing against my heart. His pubic hair touched my groin. I was completely swallowed.

Without giving me time to feel the pressure filling my body, he immediately withdrew. His glans, clearly defined, scraped past the throbbing area. Then, he increased his speed and entered forcefully, rubbing.

“Ha, eu… Th-there…”

I repeatedly bit and released my lips, still holding onto his neck. The pleasure that felt like it was setting my insides ablaze, causing my entire body to contract inwards, made my limbs convul Same.

The sticky liquid, a mixture of the gel that had already filled me and his pre-ejaculate, oozed out with a squelching sound, making the scene of our intercourse vivid even without seeing it. All the circuits in my head were on fire, and my thoughts ceased.

“You said my penis makes your legs ache. So you like having sex with it… that’s why you’re leaking your scent here? Fuck, it’s here… isn’t it?”

Each time he emphasized ‘here,’ he pushed all the way in and rubbed. At the end of his words, he drove into me as if to break me. If I had felt pain, it would have been considered violence, so brutal was the penetration.

Yet, I wrapped my arms around his neck, spread my legs, and swayed my hips.

That I liked sex. That having sex with him, something I had only just discovered, was so incredibly good… that his scent alone made my body ache, and just seeing his penis made me restless. That everything he said was true. That he should break me.

……I poured out those words.

It wasn’t like last time, where I held his neck without seeing his face and whispered secretly in his ear.

It was while looking directly into his eyes. While sucking his lips as he did to me, tangling my tongue with his, and stimulating his penis by twisting my hips. I babbled those unbelievable words.

「The scent I inhaled by burying my nose in his skin was like a drug.」

My thought was correct. Last time, and now, lying on the bed with him, I was like someone who had taken drugs.

Exposing my legs to another person in a shameful position, feeling the heat from lewd whispers, and getting excited by pouring out such words into his ear… my state, completely detached from my original self and surrendering to the thrill of sexual pleasure… seemed to align with my shallow, vague knowledge of the effects of drugs.

Not just drugs, but sex addiction also existed in the world. I could understand why. The stimulation from variations outside the everyday rhythm was more exhilarating than anything.

My words, spoken in a state of delirium, completely outside the everyday category I belonged to, made his eyes flash fiercely, and a deep, rough kiss covered my mouth. Unlike the cautious initial penetration, he no longer hesitated, having confirmed my body was fully open.

The sensation of climax was just around the corner, a release from the thirst of having sensitive areas rubbed repeatedly. I unconsciously wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him closer to further stimulate the penis trapped between my lower abdomen.

“Eung, heu. Ha-eu!”

The next moment, spitting out his tongue that was brutally blocking my throat, I writhed in fear-inducing pleasure.

The sensation of his penis, which I thought had reached its maximum hardness, momentarily expanding to push my entire inner wall from inside out, completely sealing the opening.

It was knotting.

Even without experiencing it, I knew it instinctively.

As my belly swelled, all my organs felt pushed upwards, and even though I pushed his tongue away, I was still suffocated. I tried to gasp for air with my mouth wide open, but I could only choke as if I had forgotten how to breathe.

A throbbing pain, like a faint electric current flowing through all the blood vessels in my body, along with a pleasure that felt like it could destroy and transform my very existence, pounded within me like ominous sound effects, drawing closer.

It was a pleasure unlike anything I had imagined, not merely dull but of a kind and direction I had never conceived, like a heavy rock repeatedly crushing my entire body.

Saliva dripped from the corners of my mouth, and my dilated pupils searched for him in terror.

Following the command of instinct, he, who was also completely ‘out of his mind,’ was digging into me, panting as he chased the feeling of climax. The forceful insertion and withdrawal of his penis, demanding a change in my very being, unlike anything I had felt when he touched me with his fingers, drove me rapidly to the threshold of orgasm.

I writhed in the pleasure of ejaculation, my whole body boiling, and tried to push his shoulder away, but he grabbed my hands, clasped them, and pressed them down onto the sheets.

“Heeu, heuk. Ha-heuk. Eu-eu!”

As I rubbed the back of my head on the sheet, reaching the point of ejaculation, a sensation like something exploding struck my abdomen simultaneously.

The Alpha’s ejaculation.

The amount of semen ejected forcefully, as if pounding my internal organs, was so great that it leaked out even though my insides were completely filled by the knotting. As my inner walls became wet and filled, I too ejaculated between our pressed lower abdomens.

My moans were close to sobs. Or perhaps I was actually sobbing. Even pressed tightly by him, my whole body trembled. Biting my lower lip, I whispered that I was scared to him as he sucked on my mouth.

“It’s okay. I’m here.”

Even after ejaculating, he continued to move his hips to maintain the pleasure, showering my entire face with kisses. He licked my tear ducts with particular care, and only then did I realize tears were flowing. Though not tears of sadness or loneliness, but a physiological response, I still felt overwhelmed as I became aware of them.

It’s okay. I’m here. ―Was that really meant for me? His eyes were still unfocused, as if consumed by instinct, but strangely, I felt reassured by those words. I intertwined my fingers with his clasped hands and held on tightly.

Breathing in the scent that vibrated as if to paralyze my senses instead of air, we remained with our lower bodies pressed together, lost in a long kiss. When the fear that had struck during the knotting began to fade, he suddenly stopped all activity.

Then he reached down and fumbled with his hand at the point of connection.

He tried to withdraw his penis quickly, but his still-knotted penis gripped my mucous membrane tightly and wouldn’t let go. No, perhaps it was I who wasn’t letting him go.

Whether it was one or the other, I couldn’t tell, but he couldn’t get out of me, like a size 10 finger forced into a size 7 ring.

His eyes, which had been languidly dissolving and floating in the pleasure of unimaginable depth brought by an Alpha’s ejaculation, returned to reality and flickered coldly.

He parted the entrance of my anus with his hand, trying to forcibly remove his penis.

Ashamedly, I flinched and felt a chill at the sensation of his thick penis scraping my inner walls as it struggled to come out, having filled me completely.

While he, like a madman, spread my legs and inserted his fingers to scrape out the semen inside, his still-hard penis twitched, demanding another stimulation, but he didn’t seem to be thinking that far.

“I’m sorry… I’m truly sorry.”

He repeated his apology countless times. Over twenty, at least. It was strange that he, who seemed unfazed by any situation, reacted so strongly to the act of knotting and ejaculating into a Beta.

I grabbed his wrist, which was fumbling with the unnecessary aftermath, and slowly sat up.

Though I hadn’t fully emerged from the lingering aftereffects of ejaculation after the long foreplay, seeing his reaction, it seemed unlikely I could enjoy the afterglow or anticipate new excitement for a second climax.

“Representative, you’re an Alpha… right?”

“……”

It was a redundant question, but we had never directly discussed it, so I asked.

“I’m definitely a Beta. So… you don’t have to worry.”

“……”

“About pregnancy, or…”

He stared at me wordlessly for a long time with eyes as hollow as if everything had been taken from him. His eyes looked empty, as if he had faced the shabby, crude underside of life. He, so large and solid, momentarily felt like a helpless, fragile boy… a clear sadness welled up in his eyes.

“Yes… you’re a Beta, Seo Yi-hyun.”

After a long while, he mumbled. But he didn’t look relieved. His eyes were still blankly unfocused. It felt like a lie that we had been so heated just moments ago.

He withdrew his hand from between my legs and rubbed his face with his palm several times.

“Perhaps… there are wounds inside. Seo Yi-hyun, being a Beta, you wouldn’t have been able to withstand knotting.”

He worried about my condition, suggesting I should go to the hospital immediately if I felt any pain, like a tear or abrasion, but so far, all I felt was a throbbing emptiness. And, though I couldn’t honestly tell him, the lingering pleasure was stronger. It felt like it would be more comfortable if he filled that empty space again, so unlike his concern, I felt no particular pain.

At the peak of our hottest climax, whispering lewd words into each other’s ears, the sudden shift in conversation from that to practical matters made me flinch and feel bewildered. But I couldn’t reach out to him, who seemed shocked, and pull his hand, telling him I was fine and we should continue.

Moreover, as his penis withdrew from my body, a wave of sleepiness washed over me, as if my entire body was sinking, along with a sense of exhaustion. My stamina was depleted. It was the same symptom as last time.

I told him I would tell him how I felt tomorrow, after everything settled down, that for now, there was nothing special. Though I said it hoping he would be a little relieved, he nodded but didn’t let go of his serious expression.

I couldn’t persuade him any further as overwhelming drowsiness pulled me down. Seeing the signs of sleep on my face, he pressed my shoulder and made me lie back down. He said we’d talk again tomorrow, then withdrew, pulled the blanket that had fallen below me out, and lit a cigarette.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I blinked hard, wanting to look at him longer as he slowly smoked and gazed down at me. I didn’t want to leave him alone in his distress, but sleep was pulling me with violent force.

The look in his eyes, as if he were shocked to realize he had done something terrible, after regaining his senses, to the person he had been passionately entwined with until just moments before… a look so confused, so complex, tinged with a hint of self-fear.

That was the last image of him I saw before closing my eyes.

■ ■ ■

It was the sound of a phone ringing. The realization that it was a landline, not a mobile phone, made me aware of where I was.

My mind woke before my eyes, but the throbbing pain throughout my body forced me to groan and writhe on the bed for a long time. All the while, the ringing phone patiently waited for me.

When I opened my eyes, I was alone in the bed. The room, shrouded by blackout curtains, was so dark I couldn’t even guess the approximate time. First, I had to answer the phone.

“Hello.”

I cleared my throat several times as I crawled to the edge of the bed using my elbows, but my voice, hoarse and cracked, was pathetic.

The caller was a hotel staff member. He explained that the request was for me to wake up and eat something, suggesting it would be good to have a light meal before going back to sleep.

I considered whether I had an appetite, but I absolutely did not. My mouth felt dry and rough, and my stomach churned as if all my organs had shifted from their proper places. Moreover, behind me… there was still a heavy fullness, as if he were still inside me.

However, I couldn’t ignore his kindness, nor the awkward position the staff member might be in if I refused his request.

We had always gathered in his living room to eat breakfast together, but what about the others? We were supposed to leave the hotel at eleven, but what time was it now? Various thoughts complicated my mind, but for now, I replied that I understood.

As if he had expected me to say so, he responded that the meal was almost ready in the living room and I could come out comfortably, just wearing a robe.

The call ended, but I remained lying face down, holding the receiver blankly for a while. It seemed that preparations for the meal had already been underway in the living room while I was asleep.

Putting down the receiver, I first checked my body’s condition.

As I woke up more, the discomfort in my body became increasingly pronounced. Not just my organs, but every joint ached as if they were out of alignment. While my body felt heavy and sluggish, as if I had a severe cold, the entrance to my anus and the area inside it burned. It felt like an independent pulse was throbbing between my legs.

That vivid pain inevitably brought back memories of last night’s intimacy, of his passion as he entered me, leading to knotting and ejaculation, making my face flush even though I was alone.

Clearing my throat with a cough, I got out of bed. The sensation of the remnants of his ejaculation, which had flowed down my inner thighs despite his efforts to wipe it away, was unfamiliar. With a groan, I stopped walking, hunched my shoulders, and bit my lower lip.

Surprised by the thickness of my lips, which were much plumper than usual, I touched them with my hand.

I had thought that lips swelling from kissing, or kissing to the point of swelling, was something only possible in pornographic videos or comics. But in reality, my lips were swollen, almost as if I had been stung by a bee. That tightness reminded me of his suction and kisses, which had not left my lips all night.

It was completely different from last time, when there was no kissing or penetration, and thus nothing remained on my body the next day. Every part of my body was evidence of last night.

I had no choice but to wipe between my legs with my hand to prevent it from dripping onto the floor, and then headed straight for the bathroom. I had intended to go out to the living room quickly, but I couldn’t do so without completely cleaning myself out.

After showering, I put on a robe without even drying my hair. I didn’t know when he had left the room, but he had neatly folded all my clothes and placed them on the table by the window. However, since all the buttons on the lower part of my shirt were torn off, it was impossible to wear the clothes I had worn yesterday.

My underwear was damp in the front from the pre-ejaculate I had released during our kissing and foreplay, but I had no other choice but to put them back on. Even with the robe on, I didn’t have the courage to go out without underwear in front of others.

As I tidied my clothes, I thought he must have seen my wet underwear, and a sense of defeat washed over me, as if I had been caught with a hidden erotic book. Even though I knew I had done far more than that, I felt embarrassed by just one pair of wet underwear.

I left the bedroom, trying my best not to reveal the lingering, uncomfortable foreign sensation. The intense summer sunlight flooding the long, vertical living room made it seem well past noon.

The middle-aged man, his personal butler who had always helped us with breakfast here, and two other staff members in uniform aprons were waiting by the dining table.

Contrary to the suggestion of having a light meal and going back to sleep, the dining table was laden with both Western and Hong Kong-style breakfasts, with no room even for an extra spoon. To make matters worse, other dishes were prepared on a cart next to the table.

Rubbing my robed arm, I awkwardly greeted them and hesitantly took a seat.

They first offered fresh juice, so I accepted a glass of orange juice with visible pulp, as if it had been freshly squeezed. Perhaps I was thirsty, as I drank the entire glass in one gulp. When asked if I would prefer shrimp congee or wontons, as I didn’t have much appetite, I said I would have wontons. As soon as I answered, a covered bowl of wontons was placed on the empty white plate.

Next, they asked if I would like to speak with Mr. Rau briefly before the meal, and I agreed.

I suddenly found it amusing that I was moving as instructed, like an obedient child. Or perhaps, through him, I was moving as he instructed. He might not have specified the menu, but I felt as though he were relaying orders to me through the butler.

The butler handed me a phone connected to him. I took the simply designed mobile phone, which appeared to be for business, but it took me a moment to respond to him.

“Yes.”

[You… didn’t sleep well, did you?]

He seemed to realize it was a foolish question after intending to offer a perfunctory greeting, so he awkwardly changed his wording. I could almost see him furrowing his brow slightly.

“No. I slept soundly without waking up at all.”

[How are you feeling? I can arrange for you to see a doctor anytime.]

I broke into a sweat, thinking about discussing my post-coital physical condition with others, even though I assumed they wouldn’t understand Korean.

“I’m fine. Besides feeling a bit stiff… there were no particular injuries.”

I fiddled with the warm ceramic spoon placed next to the wonton bowl, lowering my head to hide my flushed face. Talking about my current physical state with him, not to mention in front of the three people surrounding me, was equally embarrassing.

He let out a long sigh, seemingly displeased with my statement that I didn’t need to go to the hospital, but he seemed to accept it for now.

[I’ve changed your flight to this evening. The butler will guide you through the schedule. Take more time to rest and prepare slowly. I had an urgent matter to attend to, so I left first… but I’ll take you to the airport myself.]

He added that his return to Korea had been rescheduled to tomorrow due to the ‘urgent matter to attend to.’

“What about the… others?”

[They left according to the original schedule. So don’t worry about what excuse to make; just rest well.]

Just like last time, he had probably made some excuse about my condition. It was likely the same excuse of feeling unwell. With this, I would be firmly established within Phantom as a frail person prone to illness. It was a bitter thought, as it wasn’t an image I particularly desired, but I understood there were no other excuses. While it wasn’t illness, my body not being well was indeed true.

I told him it wasn’t necessary, as there was a hotel shuttle bus, but he cut me off, saying he had to hang up. He ended with a reminder to eat heartily, even if I didn’t have an appetite.

I remembered his words from last time, urging me to eat at least a little for my own sake, even if I lacked appetite. I tried to finish at least the wonton bowl, but the awkwardness of eating alone while being watched by strangers, coupled with the discomfort below, made it increasingly difficult to sit there.

I finished my meal, just enough to soothe my stomach lining, and then, asking for permission, took only a cup of coffee and got up from my seat.

The butler suggested I get a massage. He said that was also his suggestion. He explained that a massage would make my body feel much lighter. He described how a therapist from the hotel spa could be called to my room for a comfortable massage, but I couldn’t possibly feel comfortable in that situation.

The fact that he had anticipated my condition and made arrangements in advance was enough.

No, while I was certainly grateful, I felt a sense of unease, a jarring discord, with this luxurious treatment I received after spending the night with him.

It was my fault for not hearing the alarm and falling asleep, but after spending the night with him, receiving service from others while eating in his hotel room, and having him reschedule my plans considering my physical condition… such consideration was unnecessary. If this was just a habitual kindness he extended impartially to those he spent the night with, then it was even more unnecessary for me. I hadn’t sacrificed myself to his desires expecting a reward; I had responded because I wanted to as well.

My luggage from the room I had stayed in was also completely packed, and the carry-on suitcase I had borrowed from the manager was placed in the hallway by the entrance. It seemed like his final instruction was to rest in this room until he came to pick me up.

Leaving them to clear away the meal I had barely touched, I returned to the bedroom with a heavy heart.

I started to draw the curtains but stopped and instead turned on the lights a little.

Looking around the room again, his belongings were still scattered about. Files related to Fair stacked on the dresser, a tablet PC on the nightstand, and the robe draped over the sofa, likely taken off just before he left.

And on the table by the window, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter lay neatly.

There were five or six cigarette butts stubbed out in the ashtray, suggesting he had smoked them while I was asleep. I had slept so deeply that I hadn’t noticed him preparing to leave after smoking this many cigarettes. Or perhaps he had moved carefully so as not to wake me.

Had he managed to get any sleep after I fell asleep?

His vulnerable gaze, a mixture of confusion, emptiness, and self-fear, which I had met just before closing my eyes, resurfaced, and my mind became as cluttered as my body was aching.

If I turned on my phone, I would probably find worried messages from Yooni Noona, Juhan Hyung, and the manager. I also had to contact Morae and Hyung, with whom I was supposed to have dinner today after returning to Seoul. Even though these were trivial matters, they felt burdensome, like overly complicated tasks for me to handle right now.

“Let’s not think about anything, let’s not worry about anything. Just like flipping off a switch in your brain. You can do it, right?”

Recalling his words from that night, I flipped the switch in my brain.

I placed the coffee on the table and sat on one of the two single sofas, picking up the cigarette pack. The cigarettes were from a common global brand, available anywhere in the world. I took one out and lit it.

Even though it was just a cigarette, I wasn’t the type to touch someone else’s belongings without permission… No, having already done so, I was, surprisingly, a person who could, at times, touch others’ belongings without permission.

Seeing myself, who had treated even masturbation with indifference, as if it were a chore, now clinging to union with him with burning passion and boldness, this was not surprising.

“I’ll buy you a new pack when we get to Seoul.”

I muttered absently in the empty room and took a puff of the cigarette. My throat still felt scratchy, and my lungs tightened, making me squint. I didn’t cough, but it didn’t draw smoothly either.

After two or three puffs, I rested the cigarette in the notch of the ashtray. I preferred watching the thin smoke rise slowly. The smoke, which appeared gray or blue depending on the angle, resembled his eyes.

Inevitably, my thoughts turned to him. It was a topic I couldn’t avoid.

Last night, he had been kind, and he had even endured his urge to go wild, being considerate of my inexperience. He had knotted inside me, but judging by his reaction, it wasn’t intentional on his part either. Besides, I was a Beta, so there was no risk of pregnancy even if he ejaculated during knotting. And contrary to his worries, my inner walls hadn’t been injured, so I didn’t want him to feel excessive guilt or responsibility about it.

He had even prepared various things for me out of concern, so as a partner he had spent the night with, he was by no means lacking in manners.

However, there had been no significant change in our relationship after last night.

Two adults had consensual sex, and I had come to this room willingly, wanting that relationship, so I had no one to blame for not getting more.

It was the opposite, in fact. I wanted to laugh at and dismiss myself for trying to find hopeful hints or meaning in a spontaneous encounter driven by sexual attraction.

Despite such meticulous kindness, if there was no explanation accompanying it, what did that mean? Although I was inexperienced in these matters, I wasn’t so naive as to get carried away with my own delusions.

If only I had known. If only I could have had a foolish, sweet dream for a moment, would I feel better now, alone in this room, thinking of his eyes in the smoke of a cigarette I couldn’t even smoke?

Thinking that, I realized I was already quite foolish.

I picked up the robe draped over the back of the chair and buried my nose and lips in it. The cigarette resting in the ashtray had burned down close to the filter. I gently rubbed the inch-long gray ash into the ashtray and stood up.

Nowhere in the room, not even in the robe he had left behind, could I smell his scent anymore.

■ ■ ■

He was waiting for me in the back seat, dressed casually, not in a wetsuit. The sun had already set, but he was wearing sunglasses inside the car.

I was momentarily puzzled, but he was a person with occasional quirky playfulness, so I didn’t bother asking for a reason.

The dull pain still lingering between my legs and the sensation that my body hadn’t quite closed up made my posture awkward as I settled into the car seat. It was a stark reminder that I, a male Beta, had had relations with him, a male Alpha, and had to show it like this after penetrative sex.

The doorman closed the door, and the car pulled away. It was the same driver from the day I went to see Teacher Suki Kim.

“I’m sorry.”

As the car pulled away from the hotel and merged onto the elevated highway, he unexpectedly spoke his first words. I turned to look at him, but I couldn’t tell where he was looking behind his sunglasses.

“You must have been uncomfortable all day.”

“I didn’t expect to be perfectly fine the next day… It’s okay. You really don’t need to worry about it anymore. I’ve gotten much better while resting.”

Frankly, receiving any more consideration from him regarding my physical discomfort felt awkward. It wasn’t that the pain was so unbearable or that I couldn’t tolerate it as much as he feared.

More importantly, it wasn’t something he needed to apologize for. We had spent the night together because we both wanted to, and I felt he had been polite enough, thoroughly loosening and widening my lower half. An apology would make me feel like I had been consumed by him, and I would rather not hear it if possible.

“Seo Yi-hyun, you’re quite resilient. I thought you’d be more… shaken.”

He mumbled, not looking at me, tapping my crossed legs with a slender paper bag he held in his hand.

“I’m glad Seo Yi-hyun is a resilient person.”

I couldn’t quite grasp the meaning of the “shaken” he spoke of.

If it meant being confused, mistaking the sex that naturally followed after confessing feelings and confirming them, for sex born of impulsive attraction and mutual charm, and then mistaking the intimacy after one night for romantic feelings…

It might not be entirely wrong.

No, to be precise, sex was merely a catalyst for the upheaval, but in any case, it was true that my current state was far from stable or peaceful.

“You just… have to accept what happened, one way or another.”

Whether you like it or not.

Adding that as if to myself, I looked out at the Hong Kong cityscape, which was receding in the opposite direction from when I had arrived.

The experiences and emotions that filled me with their distinct colors and textures were ones I hadn’t anticipated when I first encountered the city, listening to Prince’s while riding the ‘Phantom’ that Yooni Noona and Juhan Hyung had raved about.

Looking back, ever since I got to know him, it had been a continuous series of variables I couldn’t predict or prepare for. Not just events. The emotions I felt facing him were the same.

I had thought meeting Suki Kim Teacher was the biggest event of this trip to Hong Kong, and I recalled myself a few days ago, feeling a shy flutter from a single glance exchanged in the rearview mirror. To put it kindly, I was naive; to put it without mercy, I was emotionally naked, without even a thin layer of cloth to protect myself from danger.

I didn’t expect it.

I couldn’t say I hadn’t expected, even in the slightest, that last night’s incident might become a catalyst for a change in our relationship, in his stance towards me. That’s why I was ashamed of that expectation, known only to myself.

Throughout, I found no hint of liking, attraction, or affection… none of those possibilities anywhere in his demeanor, which remained consistently flat as he stared at the screen attached to the back of the seat in front of him.

He handed me an envelope, saying he had made arrangements so I could quickly go through departure procedures upon arrival at the airport. It contained a simple document proving I was a VIP passenger with fast-track clearance, and a first-class ticket.

“Take a day off, at least. I’ve said you showed symptoms similar to last time, so everyone will understand.”

The excuse he concocted hovered skillfully between truth and falsehood.

“I’m fine. Thanks to your concern, I rested well. I think I’ll be back to normal condition by tomorrow.”

The first-class designation printed on the ticket he handed me, coupled with the holiday I was receiving as the recipient of sex with him, felt inappropriate.

I began to understand the nature of the discomfort that had been building within me the more I received his consideration.

It wasn’t just the awkwardness of not being accustomed to lavish treatment. Within those kindnesses, I felt a sense of obligation.

From his perspective, I understood it as manners—not ignoring someone whose body was uncomfortable due to sleeping with him. I understood. But.

Manners. Kindness.

Though they might sound like they were based on affection at first glance, they also meant treating someone outside a certain boundary with politeness.

Perhaps I had hoped that everything he arranged would resemble the affection one shows a lover. That was the nakedness of my emotions, my true face.

I let out a hollow laugh, contemplating whether returning the ticket would be the way to preserve my pride, saying that the fairness he showed to all his partners was unnecessary. I wasn’t the protagonist of a drama…

Suddenly, I remembered something he had said while eating nuts that Juhan Hyung had brought to the VIP preview. It was nothing, just a casual remark thrown out in passing.

“Someone, please clear this away. I don’t even like these, but if they’re in front of me, I keep eating them.”

If the first encounter was emergency first aid for him, perhaps last night’s sex was a happening that occurred based on a similar principle to mindlessly eating nuts.

It just so happened that I was irritated, my sensitive spot attacked in a crude manner, and it just so happened that I was the one trying to soothe his mood nearby, and in the process, a sexual atmosphere was somehow created… Perhaps the fact that we had slept together once before made the seduction easier. I don’t intend to play the victim of the encounter and paint him as a promiscuous person. It was none other than myself who willingly responded to that temptation.

But if I had even a sliver of human affection for him, and if I wasn’t confident I could remain unfazed after sleeping together, I should have protected myself by being more cautious in my choices.

The car was slowing down as it approached the departure gate.

“I hope this business trip becomes a good opportunity.”

“……”

I turned to look at him, but his face was still directed towards the dark screen, which remained unlit.

“I’ll be looking forward to a positive response regarding the paintings.”

I briefly considered the possibility that a seasoned man like him might have his emotions swayed by a impulsive one-night stand. The answer was already evident in his demeanor. A certain stability and peace, neither more intimate nor even colder than before we spent the night together.

The car came to a complete stop. His face, hidden behind sunglasses, turned towards me. I couldn’t be sure if he was looking at me even through the lenses.

“See you in Seoul.”

Perhaps it was a good thing that I couldn’t confirm his gaze.

Looking down at the receding Hong Kong landscape from seat 1A, a seat I would likely never sit in again in my life, as payment for spending the night with him, I calmly accepted the reason why my emotions had reacted so strongly in relation to him.

It was nothing more than an emotional release, like confirming an outcome I had already braced myself for. Therefore, it was neither shocking nor did it feel like I was plummeting to the ground.

I liked him.

The solitary expectations and disappointments, the uncharacteristic sensitivity that exaggerated situations beyond reality… unfortunately, it was a sign that I liked him.

There wasn’t a clear starting point from which this became the beginning of liking him. At least, I couldn’t know that starting point now.

His attitude towards me bothered me, sometimes I felt rebellious, and I too had hoped he would be stimulated by me, that his expression would change, that he would see me anew.

Perhaps my feelings had begun to lay their foundation quite early.

It wasn’t strange to dream of him as a romantic partner. He wasn’t a gentle or easy person to be around, but he was undoubtedly a charming person I wanted to know more about and approach.

I just didn’t know I would develop feelings of expectation and desire towards another person. Even less did I expect to harbor the foolish greed of choosing such a dazzling person, the pinnacle of attention and favor, as the object of my affection.

The me I knew was a coward who tried to minimize emotional exhaustion like disappointment or misery by seeking the bare minimum and making choices accordingly.

So, has wanting him made me courageous?

Not at all. I had merely witnessed a new side of myself, one that responded to the temptation of sex far too easily before I even properly registered my emotions.

A flight attendant approached and asked if she could prepare the meal. I stared blankly at her flawless, neat smile and asked for a beer. Soon, a cold can of beer and a glass were placed on the small table. The world he lived in was like magic, where everything was prepared instantly with just a word.

“Please rest comfortably,” the flight attendant said, sliding the door shut as she disappeared. Despite being alone, cut off from my surroundings, I began drinking the beer, which was not poured into the glass, in an unfamiliar comfort that felt anything but relaxing.

He had said, after filming ‘Old Future,’ that it wasn’t promiscuous to sleep with someone who wasn’t a lover, and that an adult of this age couldn’t resolve their sexual urges solely through masturbation.

At the time, I largely agreed with that opinion, as did Yooni Noona and Hyung, though I hadn’t voiced it aloud.

Back then, I had wondered if someone I liked would be able to maintain the same stance, if they wouldn’t be hurt by the person they liked sleeping with someone other than them.

My thoughts then were, in a sense, a greatly misguided assumption. The person I liked could feel despair even from sleeping with me, not with someone else.

His remark that Seo Yi-hyun was resilient, perhaps it was another way of saying he was glad I didn’t confuse impulsive sex with romantic feelings. I guessed this belatedly and smiled wryly.

By then, the Hong Kong lights had completely disappeared from my view.