By Zephyria 
Even though the weekday evening rush hour had passed, the lane connecting Yeonhui-dong to Donggyo-dong Samgeori was still backed up with a long line of red taillights, likely due to the narrow road. It seemed we’d have to wait for at least two or three more light changes before we could make the right turn at the intersection.
“We’re almost there and still stuck in traffic.”
Juhan Hyung mumbled, resting his elbow on the window, sounding bored. Hyung and I were on our way back after delivering a piece to a client’s home in Yeonhui-dong.
“You could drop me off here…”
“We’re almost there. Are you in a hurry?”
“No. I have to wait until Hyung and Noona finish anyway… I can walk slowly from here.”
“We’re going that way anyway. Is this dinner Hyung and Noona are buying you because you were sick?”
I offered an awkward laugh in response to Hyung’s question and shifted my gaze out the window. The sun had noticeably lengthened its stay, and shops were just beginning to light up their signs. At a Korean barbecue restaurant, they had set up makeshift tables and chairs on the sidewalk in front of the store.
At Phantom, everyone knew I had been sick. While my body had temporarily malfunctioned due to mental shock, it wasn’t strictly an illness. However, the CEO was resolute.
Late the following afternoon, as he drove me to the manager’s house in his car, he recommended I take two more days off. Although it was phrased as a recommendation, it was practically an order. He said my presence at work would only make others worry, and that I should rest fully until I recovered completely. I had no right to refuse.
Yooni Noona and Juhan Hyung seemed to think I had fallen ill from overexertion, helping with gallery duties and then filming for ‘Old Future’ that day. I repeatedly made excuses, saying I felt sick from forcing myself to eat a hamburger I couldn’t keep down, but the two of them didn’t seem to believe me.
For whatever reason, I felt embarrassed, wondering if I had inadvertently developed a fragile image. In reality, my body was perfectly fine, with no damage.
No, perhaps it wasn’t entirely fine.
After my first sexual experience with another person, my body might have changed. That night, on his bed, every time I repeatedly reflected on how unfamiliar I felt, I found myself understanding human beings less and less.
It was my first time having sex with someone else, so naturally, it was also my first time observing my own reactions to it. But even so, it was a level of boldness that far exceeded my expectations. I, who had only focused on reaching climax quickly and efficiently, like dealing with an unavoidable physiological function, even during masturbation… like that…
I let out an involuntary sigh and leaned my forehead against the windowpane. I felt Hyung’s gaze flicking towards me. But he didn’t follow up with a question.
Even if I harbored slightly unconventional feelings or curiosity towards him, it was strictly my personal matter, and that incident between us was settling into place as something akin to first aid.
That night, I was in an abnormal state due to severe shock, and he, as if warming a person’s hand who had indigestion, or rather, though it was a more emotionally complex matter, he had taken special measures to help me forget everything and rest. He remained surprisingly normal, but it was also true that his attitude helped me regain my balance.
Sometimes, lying alone and replaying that day, I would rub my ear as if feeling the warmth of his breath against my ear. That was all that remained. And the lingering scent, a powerful fragrance that had enveloped my entire body from beginning to end that night.
Perhaps because I was thinking about it, my shoulders twitched now, even though I wasn’t alone in bed, as if he had whispered in my ear, asking me to say an obscene word. Startled by my reaction in the confined space with another person, I rubbed my flushed ears with my palms. The phone on my lap vibrated.
Looking down, it was an unsaved number. I silenced it so it wouldn’t ring and turned my gaze back out the window. The car we were in was still in front of the barbecue restaurant.
“Isn’t that your phone ringing? Aren’t you going to answer?”
Hyung gestured with his chin towards my phone and asked.
“I hardly ever answer unknown numbers.”
“Ah… because of the elopement?”
Hyung said playfully, tapping the bottom of the steering wheel with his fist. He added,
“More precisely, elopement plus Seo Yi-hyun?”
“……”
“I didn’t say that to sting you. Don’t be down, kid.”
I wasn’t particularly down, knowing it wasn’t meant that way, but it was true that I had to disappear for our trio’s trip to Seoul to be completed as Morae and Hyung’s elopement.
“Is that still not resolved? Do you still have to be careful?”
I nodded, and Hyung fiddled with his lip piercing, furrowing his brow.
“Most parents would forgive this much. Then again, I’m still in a cold war with my parents.”
Hyung chuckled lightly, mentioning his own pain.
“It turns out ‘no parent can overcome their child’ isn’t always true.”
As the car ahead finally started moving, Hyung released the brake and added indifferently.
I agreed with that. Not all parents prioritized their children above all else. While some parents might find strength in their child’s existence in extreme situations, and perhaps most parents did, there were parents in the world who couldn’t.
I knew it intellectually. I had even had the arrogant thought that I might be able to understand my father, even if I couldn’t fully accept him. However, my reaction in his living room proved that it was a complete illusion.
Though it wasn’t the kind of situation one would use this phrase for, my body was honest. The reaction my body showed in front of the phantom of the past symbolized by that painting. It was proof that the past wasn’t sealed as the past but continued to dominate the present.
If only two more cars had moved, there would have been an opening to turn right, but we had to wait for the signal one more time. This time, we stopped in front of a charming bakery.
Juhan Hyung’s face, as he looked out at the shops, was no different than usual, remarking that this neighborhood had lost its former tranquility. But just because someone doesn’t constantly lament their pain doesn’t mean they’ve overcome it. The wound of being rejected by one’s parents wouldn’t disappear easily just because one left home and stopped seeing them.
The signal changed again, and after making the right turn, it was a short drive to ‘What Happened in Bali.’ Hyung leaned his upper body over the steering wheel, peering intently at the single-story building housing the cafe, and said,
“So this is it. It wasn’t even registered on the navigation, so I was wondering where it was.”
The owner didn’t register ‘What Happened in Bali’ on portal sites either, stating he disliked the cafe being filled with transient customers who only came to take photos for social media updates.
“Hyung, if you’re okay with it, would you like to come in for a bit? I can treat you to a drink.”
Hyung seemed to be contemplating, fiddling with his lip piercing for a moment and glancing towards the cafe.
“I’d like to, but… I have plans with some people I used to be in a band with. I’ll come with Baek Yuni next time.”
“Yes, please do. I’ll treat you to a meal then too. The Nasi Goreng is delicious.”
It was a narrow alley in a residential area, so we couldn’t park the car for long. After thanking him for the ride and getting out of the car, Hyung quickly drove away down the alley.
“Seo Yi-hyun!”
Turning back, Morae, with her hands in the pockets of her apron, was standing at the cafe entrance, smiling. It had been almost a week since I’d last seen her.
“Who was that?”
Morae, who had come up beside me, pointed at the back of the car Juhan Hyung had been in and asked. It wasn’t Hyung’s personal car, but Phantom’s corporate vehicle, used for business or deliveries.
“A Hyung I work with at the gallery.”
“He gave you a ride all the way here? You should have invited him in for a punch or something.”
“I did try to… but he had plans.”
“Make sure you come together next time. He works with you, so you should make a good impression.”
Morae nudged my shoulder with hers and grinned.
Although things seemed peaceful on the surface, as Juhan Hyung had said, we were still in a position where we had to remain hidden. While I trusted the Phantom staff, Morae’s suggestion to invite them to ‘What Happened in Bali’ without any suspicion made me uneasy. I felt she needed to be more vigilant.
However, I didn’t mention my unease at all. I replied that I understood and followed her into the cafe. The call from the unknown number earlier also weighed on my mind, but I didn’t bring that up either.
Nothing would happen. If someone tried to dig into my personal information, the sharp-witted Phantom staff would handle it skillfully. The call from the unknown number was probably a telemarketer selling water purifiers, cell phones, or loans, or simply a wrong number. I buried my anxiety like a mantra.
If I made up my mind and urged them, Morae and Hyung could leave Seoul soon. I just needed a little more time. I hoped this precarious peace would hold up against the weight of my anxiety until then.
It was Friday evening, so the cafe was almost full. The owner, who had returned from Bali, also greeted us warmly from the kitchen. Perhaps the owner had purchased something new in Bali, as another board had been added to one wall of the cafe.
Feeling like a summons urging me to make my decision, I subtly turned my head away and placed my bag on my usual spot in front of the counter.
“We’re closing at 10 tonight, so hang out. The owner brought back a lot of interesting things from Bali, so I’ll show you around.”
Morae, who had been taking an additional order from another table, ruffled my hair and moved behind the bar to prepare drinks.
“Is this dinner Hyung and Noona are buying you because you were sick?” — Juhan Hyung had teased. But I hadn’t told Morae and Hyung about that day or the two days I was absent afterward. Today was a welcome party for the owner and a company dinner for ‘What Happened in Bali.’ Since it was Friday, Morae and Hyung had invited me to see everyone and have a meal together. There was no need to mention things that would obviously cause them to worry, and I wasn’t ready to voice my shock from that day yet.
The practice notebook I used as a sketchbook every time I came to the cafe had been replaced with a new one. Recalling the previous notebook, which had only a few pages left, naturally brought to mind the notes about the surfing school written there. It felt like another summons had landed on my imaginary desk.
I pushed the imaginary summons into an imaginary desk drawer and turned to a blank page, flipping through the new notebook. As with any doodle, my hand moved unconsciously, without any plan to draw something specific.
Inside, as usual, light and relaxed music played, featuring string instruments like the ukulele, combined with the chatter of customers, creating a moderate level of noise suitable for concentration.
Without a sketch, I first completed the facial lines, then drew the torso, including the vest, shirt, and pants. The long ears were those of a rabbit, but the facial lines and body proportions were human.
I was so engrossed in detailing the shirt’s ruffles, like cake frosting, that I didn’t notice the phone ringing at first. When I happened to shift my gaze slightly, a call screen appeared on my phone, which was on the table. I had forgotten to switch it back to vibrate mode after silencing it in the car earlier.
Fortunately, this time it was a familiar number. It was Inwoo Hyung.
The cafe was a bit too noisy for a comfortable conversation, so I took my phone and stepped out into the alley in front of the cafe. I leaned my back against the utility pole next to the entrance, as if hiding, and connected the call.
[Why didn’t you answer earlier?]
“What?”
As soon as the call connected, Inwoo Hyung started with a question.
[My phone battery died and I had nowhere to charge it. I borrowed someone else’s phone to call, but it wasn’t answered.]
“Ah…”
So that was Inwoo Hyung. Relief washed over me, and I let out a small laugh. I slipped my hands into my jeans pockets and rubbed the soles of my sneakers against the building’s curb.
[You were sick, weren’t you? I wanted to see your face if you were feeling better, so I called.]
I wondered when the news had spread even to Inwoo Hyung. I had received a lot of concern from people around me all week due to my absence, which felt almost overwhelming.
“The CEO told me to rest, so I took time off… but it was just a mild stomachache. Thank you for your concern.”
[If that cold-hearted man voluntarily told you to rest for two days, it wasn’t just mild… You didn’t go to the hospital, did you? I’m a doctor. I can give you a free consultation, so if you’re okay, let me take a look. Where are you? I’ll come pick you up.]
Despite having a prior engagement, I hesitated for a moment.
There was a question I had been carrying for days, with no one suitable to ask.
I considered asking the manager, but it felt like too sudden a topic. When I tried to subtly ask Juhan Hyung during our delivery, he was too perceptive, so I hesitated. The closest Alpha to me would have been Morae, but she rarely mentioned her Alpha tendencies. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
Inwoo Hyung, however, was neither too close nor too distant. His characteristic lighthearted demeanor, I thought, would make it easier to bring up any topic. That’s what I thought.
But a prior engagement was a prior engagement. After thanking him for his concern and declining his offer due to my prior commitment, I ended the call with Inwoo Hyung, who sounded disappointed.
Inwoo Hyung, who seemed lighthearted at first glance, was a complex character the more I got to know him. His words and actions were so playful that I had to be wary, lest I end up looking foolish if I took everything he said at face value. Yet, sometimes, it felt like he hid sincerity within that playfulness. It was difficult to distinguish where sincerity ended and jest began… he was exactly like his art.
The feeling conveyed by his art and by him personally was completely consistent. Strangely, that alone had lowered my guard towards Inwoo Hyung from what it was initially. Even if he hid his sincerity with a flirtatious tone and a casual lack of possessiveness, he didn’t deny that he was hiding his sincerity and pretend to be truthful.
“What are you drawing? A person? A rabbit?”
When I returned to my seat, Morae was looking at my drawing askew, standing up. As I drew, it had progressed quite seriously for a doodle, so I shyly pulled the notebook closer and sat down. I had never been one to show my drawings to others. For me, it was like a diary.
“It’s Mr. Rabbit.”
“Mr. Rabbit?”
“From
“Ah… that Mr. Rabbit. Mr. Rabbit’s sunglasses are cool.”
Morae, who sat beside me, stretched her legs out and hummed along to the music playing. She wasn’t looking at the drawing, but I still couldn’t concentrate. In fact, the reason my pen tip felt dull was separate.
“Noona… can we eat later?”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“It’s not that something’s wrong…”
I was surprised that I was still lingering over the appointment I had already refused. Explaining it to Morae was also difficult. I realized that quite a few things had piled up that I hadn’t told Morae since we stopped living together.
“Is it someone from the gallery?”
“Uh… no, just forget it.”
“What… you brought it up because you wanted to go there, didn’t you?”
“It’s not that I want to go…”
Morae was sensitive to my emotions. She reacted delicately not only to her own feelings but also to the feelings of those around her. However, that didn’t mean she was impulsive, making decisions based solely on her emotions.
“Hey, what are you hiding from me?”
“No, I really didn’t bring it up because I wanted to go. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.”
“Seo Yi-hyun.”
She deliberately placed a heavy hand on my shoulder, draping her arm over me.
“Please, for my sake, meet other people, okay?”
She put on an exaggerated expression, like someone trying to shake off an annoying stalker.
“I’m so glad you’re working and socializing since coming to Seoul. Is this because of what I said last time about being disappointed?”
I had thought the same. There was nothing we couldn’t say to each other. What couldn’t I tell the two people who knew all about my biggest weaknesses?
But that wasn’t true.
I couldn’t even tell them that the CEO had seen my painting at his house. I couldn’t tell them that after seeing the painting, I had been seized by terror and hyperventilated, only to wake up asleep in his bed, for fear of worrying them. I had no intention of telling anyone about sleeping with the CEO.
I wasn’t having such a foolish thought that those changes were proof that we weren’t as close as we actually were. Rather, it was probably that my life up until now had been too simple. In the world of a twenty-two-year-old, there were only two people, Morae and Hyung, and the rest was empty.
So it wasn’t unreasonable that those two couldn’t leave me behind. They weren’t people who could be that heartless.
Leaning his temple against my shoulder, which must have held a complicated expression, Morae tapped the Mr. Rabbit on the notebook.
“I like this. Can I put it up in our shop?”
■ ■ ■
In-woo Hyung had said he would come pick me up, but my condition was perfectly fine, so there was no need to go to such trouble. When I insisted and vaguely told him my location near Hongdae, Hyung sighed over the phone and said, “Then let’s meet at [location] in a few minutes.”
The meeting place was a newly opened hotel near Hongdae. As a boutique hotel, it wasn’t a stiffly formal space, but it was equally intimidating in its trendiness and sophistication.
Hyung, who was waiting for me in an egg-shaped chair in the lobby, found the elevator hall skillfully, as if it wasn’t his first visit, and took me straight to the bar on the 15th floor.
It seemed to be a popular place; at the entrance, about five or six groups, around twenty people, were waiting for a table. It seemed difficult to reserve a table for such a sudden meeting, but a staff member wearing a simple black Wetsuit, which looked like a uniform, led us directly to the outdoor rooftop.
The indoor area, which I had glimpsed as we passed, was also full, and the outdoor rooftop, with its good view and cool air, was also overflowing with people. The customer age range varied from their twenties to their forties and fifties, but regardless of age, everyone was stylishly dressed, making me look down at myself, who was wearing a striped t-shirt and jeans as always.
I wondered if there was a dress code, but In-woo Hyung didn’t seem to pay any attention to my attire, so I also withdrew my gaze from my t-shirt’s worn sleeves. There was no way to change clothes now.
“You’ve really lost some weight.”
After ordering appropriately at my request, In-woo Hyung dismissed the staff and leaned forward, resting his arms on the table.
“No, I haven’t…”
I felt guilty receiving the concern of those around me, even though I hadn’t even caught a cold. Embarrassed, I fumbled with my face and mumbled.
“Believe it or not, you’re a doctor. You look gaunt. Your complexion isn’t good either. Did I call you out unnecessarily? You said you were back at work the day before yesterday, and tomorrow is Saturday, so I contacted you.”
“I’m really fine. I’m the one who said I couldn’t make it, then contacted you again… I’m sorry for bothering you.”
“I was the one who contacted you first, saying I wanted to see you. I was so happy when Lee Hyun contacted me again after I was disappointed about not being able to meet. But that… it’s not some kind of technique, is it?”
“……”
I tried hard to read his expression, to understand what he meant, but In-woo Hyung lowered his shoulders and chuckled.
“It means I was happy to see you after thinking I wouldn’t be able to.”
I wasn’t sure if it was his usual joke or if he was serious, so I sat there awkwardly, unable to react, when the drinks and food we ordered were served.
Instead of the staff who took our order, a man with a golden name tag indicating he was the manager came with wine and snacks and greeted In-woo Hyung warmly. Judging by their conversation, the man seemed to be a popular bartender from a famous bar where In-woo Hyung was a regular, who had recently been scouted as the manager of this bar.
Since it was a world completely unrelated to me, I listened to their conversation quietly and bowed my head when In-woo Hyung introduced me. When the word Phantom was mentioned, the manager quickly scanned me with eyes that showed noticeably deeper curiosity.
Recalling the unique styles and personalities of the CEO, the Director, Yooni Noona, and Juhan Hyung, I felt a bit bitter about how I must appear in the man’s eyes.
“So, what did you want to say?”
“Huh?”
As soon as the manager opened the wine, poured the first glass, and left, In-woo Hyung, who had proposed a toast, asked me that before I even took my lips off the glass.
“You said you couldn’t meet because of a prior engagement, then contacted me again to meet. If it’s anyone, I thought Lee Hyun contacting me again must mean you have something to say. Did I misjudge?”
I felt embarrassed that he seemed to have seen right through the reason I accepted the invitation to meet alone, but on the other hand, I felt relieved that I didn’t have to rack my brain trying to figure out how to bring it up.
The stage was set, but I needed more courage. Even a drunken bravado would have been something. I picked up the glass I had just put down and took three or four more sips of wine.
“Lately… I’ve become curious about something… and there’s no one suitable to ask around.”
In-woo Hyung across from me was encouraging me to speak more easily with a soft smile on his face, but I felt like a counselor who insists their own worries are someone else’s story, saying, “This is about my friend…”
“I… haven’t had much interaction with Alphas or Omegas until now. But most of Phantom’s main clients are Alphas or Omegas…”
“Hmm…”
In-woo Hyung, who had been resting his elbows on the table and lightly clasping his hands at his chin, shifted his posture and traced the base of his wine glass with his fingertips.
“I thought it might be helpful in the future to know about their characteristics…”
It was a flimsy excuse, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. I felt that In-woo Hyung, even if he knew I was making excuses, would either let it slide or playfully pry into it.
But even with his playfulness, he didn’t seem like someone who would treat people’s feelings as a joke. Perhaps it was this unfounded feeling that unconsciously made me call him back.
“Did something troublesome happen because of an Alpha or Omega?”
“It’s… not like that…”
Although I denied it verbally, my gaze naturally drifted downwards. I had expected to be somewhat understood when I decided on In-woo Hyung as my confidant. Despite being prepared, my words wouldn’t come out easily.
“Yes, ask away. If Lee Hyun is curious, I should be knowledgeable. There’s too much hearsay on the internet.”
In-woo Hyung took a sip of wine, put down his glass, and leaned forward more, as if he was ready, but I, whose arrival here was impulsive, needed a moment to catch my breath.
I asked for permission and got up from my seat.
I fled to the restroom to buy time, but the restroom, decorated intensely with pop-art paintings and props, didn’t calm me down. After washing my face next to some men my age who were loudly discussing where to go next, I left the restroom with no significant outcome.
In the meantime, In-woo Hyung was on the phone. I didn’t know who he was talking to, but his expression, as he leaned back loosely against the chair and tapped his foot at the end of his outstretched leg, looked very happy.
“You’re here now. I have to hang up.”
Hyung, who had been about to end the call after spotting me and sitting up, suddenly smirked and called out to the other party, stopping them from hanging up.
“Ah, aren’t you curious who it is? Say hello.”
Saying that to the other party, In-woo Hyung handed me his phone as I was about to sit down. I awkwardly took the phone, but I also had no idea who the other person was. However, I didn’t want to keep the anonymous person on the other end of the line waiting by arguing over the phone.
“…Hello…?”
[……]
There was no response from the other side. I looked at In-woo Hyung across the table, but he just gestured for me to keep talking.
“Hello.”
[Are you drinking?]
“Ah…”
A foolish reaction, neither an exclamation nor a groan, escaped me. Come to think of it, there weren’t many people In-woo Hyung would hand the phone over to.
“Yes… a little wine…”
I mumbled, fiddling with the glass on the table, my words trailing off as if I were making excuses. It became like making excuses for no reason, because his question, “Are you drinking?”, had a hint of reprimand.
[You were sick… not long ago.]
There were long pauses between sentences. After a while, he added that. The hesitation in his voice conveyed that he was reluctant to bring up that day. Because we both knew that I wasn’t exactly sick.
“Yes, I’m just going to have a drink or two.”
His remark made me nervous because I had thought he would never mention that day again.
All week, he had spoken to me about work at Phantom without any hesitation, and there was no change in his attitude or tone. The events of that night, the
[You have a habit of drinking what’s in front of you when you’re nervous. Didn’t you drink quite a bit of wine last time too?]
On the day we went to the Spanish pub, he seemed uninterested in the gathering at our table, including me. At least, that’s how it appeared on the surface. But that was the only day I drank wine. Just as he pointed out, I had already drunk more than I had planned, citing nervousness.
Unable to figure out how to respond to him, who seemed to be worrying about me by repeating the same thing several times uncharacteristically, I just moved my lips. He let out a long sigh. Even though it was a phone call, it felt like I could feel his breath on my cheek. I imagined him running his hands through his fine but thick hair.
There was silence. I couldn’t tell what the silence was inducing. Even though I could only hear his breathing over the phone, my ears tingled again, and my shoulders felt like they were shrinking. Like a conditioned reflex, his scent lingered at the tip of my nose.
All week, I had to endure the attacks of that scent, which would suddenly overwhelm me. Even when he wasn’t at Phantom, there were times I felt the sensation of the scent brushing against my olfactory senses. And now, that scent inevitably reminded me of the sexual union of that night. It was troublesome.
The silence stretched on, and unable to bear it, I took another sip of wine. With the sound of movement from the other end of the phone, a click, and a sound of deep inhalation followed by a thin exhale. He seemed to be smoking.
Behind In-woo Hyung, separated by a high flower bed from us, a couple was having a long selfie session while our silence continued. After a few more puffs of his cigarette, he spoke in a voice that seemed lighter, as if he had made up his mind.
[Can you hand Choi In-woo over?]
After a long hesitation, I didn’t expect his request to be to hand over In-woo Hyung.
“Can I go there? Where is it?” – I thought he might at least warn me about my relationship with In-woo Hyung, saying he wasn’t a very good romantic partner, like he did at the Director’s dining table last time. Whether it was overconfidence or not, I felt a tense hesitation in his silence, as if he was about to say something like that.
“Yes, then.”
My response was a little slow due to my expectations being wrong. I lightly bit and released my lower lip due to my own anticlimactic disappointment after anticipating something. I handed the phone to In-woo Hyung, who still looked pleased.
“Why? I called because I was curious about how the art fair was going.”
His expression slightly furrowed as soon as he put the phone to his ear, depending on what he heard. And the next moment, it relaxed with a scheming smile.
“Well, I’m not as fastidious about Pheromones as some people.”
Hyung, who had been twirling his wine glass, poured the remaining small amount of wine into his mouth.
Whether it was overthinking or not, I strongly felt that Hyung was deliberately provoking him. His playful, teasing tone gave me that impression. However, I couldn’t guess the exact content of the call.
“Hey, Mr. Rau. What are you worried about? Pheromones don’t work on Betas. What’s wrong with you, is it early onset? Do you think nothing is impossible with Pheromones, and that people will just rip their clothes off and jump on you as you walk down the street?”
As soon as Hyung’s glass was empty, a staff member approached and politely refilled his glass from a wine bottle taken from a metal basket on the table.
My hands, clasped loosely on my lap, tightened together. Beta. Pheromone. The topics I wanted to ask about were coming out of Hyung’s mouth first. I was curious what he had said to Hyung to elicit such a bothered reaction.
“Just focus on the Hong Kong art fair. I want to sell some paintings in the foreign market too. I’m hanging up.”
Without giving the other party a chance to reply, Hyung, who hung up as if fleeing, pushed the phone to the other side of the table and shrugged.
“He’s incorrigible.”
He added, as if the other person could still hear him from the disconnected phone.
“Sorry. You were surprised I handed the phone over suddenly, right? I wanted to brag.”
“……”
“That I’m meeting Lee Hyun alone.”
Saying that, Hyung brought his glass to his lips, keeping his gaze fixed on me.
Bragging can only be established if the other person envies the content. If his desire to brag about meeting me was genuine, then Hyung had chosen the wrong person.
His effort to deliberately make the call must have been in vain. I smiled faintly and unconsciously brought the glass in front of me to my lips, but only touched them lightly before putting it down.
“What you said just now…”
And after a few hesitations, I started. It seemed like a good timing to bring it up while the subject was on my mind.
“Betas… can’t detect the Pheromones of Alphas or Omegas, right?”
Hyung crossed his legs and leaned back loosely on the armrest.
“What do you mean?”
“Since I’m a Beta… does that mean I don’t have to worry about Pheromones when working, even if the clients are Alphas or Omegas…?”
In-woo Hyung, who looked at me with a smile, leaned forward and reached his hand out onto the table.
“Lee Hyun, would you hold my hand?”
His hands, naturally extended with palms facing up, seemed to ask me to hold them. Hesitantly, I placed my hand lightly on Hyung’s. His fingers curled inward a bit more, and he held my hand.
The smile gradually disappeared from his face as he gazed at me. Like a doctor searching for signs of illness in a patient’s complexion, like a fortune teller trying to read hints of the past and future in a client’s eyes, Hyung slowly and deeply examined my eyes.
I didn’t know his intention, but it was the first time I had seen In-woo Hyung look so serious, so I couldn’t laugh or look away. Although there were high flower beds between each seat, so we didn’t need to worry about other customers, a staff member passing by our table looked at our clasped hands and then alternated glances between my face and Hyung’s. I glanced at the gaze, feeling self-conscious, and at almost the same moment, Hyung chuckled and let go of my hand.
In-woo Hyung, who released my hand and instead picked up his wine glass, leaned on the table and smiled, narrowing his eyes.
“If a Beta could detect an Alpha’s Pheromones.”
“……”
“We’d probably be running downstairs right now and entangled in the back seat of my car.”
If I understood correctly, Hyung had probably released his Pheromones towards me a moment ago.
But there was nothing. I couldn’t sense any sexual arousal, or any special aura different from usual. All I felt was the refreshing early summer breeze coming and going on the 15th floor outdoor seating, and the curious and questioning gaze of the passing staff.
I had come to this place impulsively wanting to resolve the nagging question, but even with that simple experiment just now, I felt I already knew the answer.
“You probably know the basics from a quick internet search… but Alpha and Omega pheromones aren’t just simple scents. They’re classified as a type of ‘releasing pheromone’ that elicits an immediate reaction from the individual who receives it… well, in simple terms, they’re sexual pheromones.”
Hyung, perhaps realizing he was explaining things unnecessarily technically, paused, rolled his eyes as if choosing his words, and defined Alpha and Omega pheromones in one word. Sexual pheromones.
That was right. While it might be a bit embarrassing for some to hear, Alpha and Omega pheromones were, ultimately, sexual pheromones. Substances that induce sexual arousal in the other party to facilitate mating. Not for liking or interest, but for sexual arousal.
In-woo Hyung placed the glass he was holding down and pushed his phone far away. Conversely, I swallowed the dark red liquid, moistening my mouth and throat, which felt inexplicably tight.
“In other animals, pheromones are detected by an auxiliary olfactory organ called the Jacobson’s organ, but in humans, that organ has completely atrophied. The same goes for Alphas and Omegas.”
“Then….”
Hyung rested his arms on the table, adjusted his posture, and continued speaking, crushing the shells of the nuts that had been served with the wine.
“Although Alphas and Omegas detect each other’s pheromones through scent, it’s ultimately the result of other effects the scent triggers in the brain, not an action occurring in the olfactory system. When you smell a pheromone, some action takes place in the brain that substitutes for the function of the Jacobson’s organ. While it uses the scent’s transmission pathway, the reaction it causes in the brain is different from simple olfactory function. For Betas, the brain is where smells are received and remembered; it’s not an organ that analyzes smells and triggers powerful secondary effects from them.”
Having completely crushed the shell of the nut, which was similar in size and shape to a ginkgo nut, In-woo Hyung picked up the next one and rolled it around in his palm, fiddling with it.
His gaze, looking down at about the level of my chest, seemed lost in his own perfume or contemplation. For him, an Alpha, pheromones might be a medium that evokes various memories. Things that Betas never need to experience in their lives, things that happen due to the influence of pheromones, which they can live without consciously noticing.
“Unpleasant, fragrant, comforting… Betas also have a sense for scents, but it’s hard to say it compels action. Smelling a certain scent and becoming uncontrollably ferocious, smashing things, or feeling infinitely peaceful and falling asleep as if you’d taken a sleeping pill… or being overcome by uncontrollable sexual urges and desiring the other person in a dangerous place in a bold position you’d never consider normally…. Such extreme actions aren’t triggered by scent alone, are they, Betas?”
After crushing the shell of the second nut, Hyung placed the revealed smooth kernel on the plate and rubbed his fingers together to brush off the crumbs.
Meeting Hyung’s gaze, which had moved from my chest to my face, I nodded affirmatively, but… the confusion about ‘being overcome by uncontrollable sexual urges and exhibiting extreme behavior different from my usual self’—that was precisely why I was here today.
However, my first sexual contact with another person had been that day. I didn’t know if my inherent disposition was that passionate (it was sufficiently passionate by my standards, at least compared to when I masturbated), or if that particular time had elicited a special reaction, as I had no basis for comparison. Moreover, it was a special situation where I was not mentally stable.
Feeling my throat dry again, I reached for the wine.
“How humans can identify so many diverse smells with only about 1,000 olfactory receptors is a physiological basis that hasn’t been elucidated yet. So, there’s even less to say about the mechanism of Alpha and Omega pheromone action. How Betas can’t even detect the scent, let alone react to it, is also a state where only various experiments and hypotheses are rampant. That’s where current science is.”
The media’s attitude towards Alphas and Omegas was extreme.
In movies, dramas, and variety shows, they were consumed as romantic beings with beautiful appearances and superior abilities (even though the fact that they were not genetically superior to Betas had been verified long ago), yet were helplessly weak in love. In the news, they were treated as troublesome beings with insufficient self-control due to sex scandals involving privileged Alphas and Omegas, and sexual crimes committed by Alphas and Omegas with relatively unstable social positions.
The fact that many socially successful people were Alphas or Omegas did not mean that most successful individuals were Alphas or Omegas. The majority of humanity, constituting the world, were Betas. In a world where Betas were the ‘norm,’ I had never known how Alphas and Omegas established their identities and lived their lives.
I had never been interested in their physiological peculiarities out of mere curiosity, nor had I paid them any healthy attention. Morae, who was closest to me, was an Alpha, but because she didn’t reveal her Alpha status, I, naturally, treated and accepted her as just a Beta. Even if she lived hiding her Alpha status, or was in a relationship with Hani Hyung, who was not an Omega, the fact that Im Morae was an Alpha didn’t change.
Misinformation and rumors close to fiction, often encountered while searching the internet out of curiosity, flashed through my mind. Perhaps it was because of the mechanism of pheromones, which science hasn’t fully explained even in modern times, that Betas continuously emerged, attaching romantic interpretations to their existence or producing baseless rumors.
Hyung, who had stopped talking and was gazing intently, seemed to want to hear my thoughts, so I fiddled with the edge of the coated paper coaster and opened my mouth.
“Hmm, it’s difficult…”
“The explanation?”
I shook my head. Hyung’s explanation was so easy and kind that even someone as ignorant of Alphas and Omegas as I was could understand it without effort.
“I understand your explanation itself, but… what it feels like to live under the influence of such principles…. It feels like a realm that Betas can’t understand, something that the word ‘feeling’ can’t fully encompass.”
I didn’t think they were in a more disadvantageous situation than Betas. It wasn’t a topic I could rashly judge.
Hyung chuckled, making the seriousness of my words lighter.
“There’s that saying, isn’t there? If women are from Venus and men are from Mars, then Betas are from Pluto, and Alphas and Omegas are from entirely different solar systems. It’s natural that we can’t understand each other. Because I don’t know what it feels like to live a lifetime without the influence of pheromones either.”
Hyung shrugged.
It was literally true. Due to structural physical differences, and the various differences stemming from them, it was inevitable that we couldn’t understand each other. Even without differences caused by pheromones, humans were classified into countless strata based on nationality, culture, age, income, profession, education level, etc., and conflicts between members of different strata were ubiquitous.
Society was structured in such a complex way that people who united under one standard, as members of the same stratum, for the same interests, would often find themselves in opposing positions as members of different strata based on another standard.
As I reached for the wine again, trying to pull back my thoughts that were drifting too far, my phone, which had been on the table, vibrated lightly. The short vibration suggested a messenger notification.
“It’s okay, you can check it.”
I had no urgent contacts and was in the middle of a conversation, so I tried not to pay attention, but In-woo Hyung pointed to my phone first, encouraging me to check it.
While I checked the message, Hyung even showed active interest. A smile tinged with his characteristic playfulness seemed about to overflow from the corners of his lips.
“What does it say?”
“They’re asking if I’ll be late today.”
“Hmm… asking you to go home early? And drink only a little?”
“No, they don’t interfere with that.”
As I typed a reply into the… so… late… messenger window, I stole a glance at Hyung’s face. His face, which had looked cheerful until then, changed expressions in an instant. He looked visibly disappointed.
“Lau Wikun? Is it not?”
“Uh… it’s the Director.”
I didn’t know on what grounds In-woo Hyung was so sure the sender was him, but he looked quite disappointed, wearing a sour expression.
While I took a sip of wine, the next message arrived immediately from the Director. After replying that he would like to have dinner together tomorrow evening if I was free, I politely turned my phone face down again.
Seeing Hyung slump against the armrest, looking dejected after confirming it wasn’t the contact he was waiting for, I forced myself to speak first. Feeling a strange sense of responsibility to steer the conversation back quickly.
“So Betas can never detect pheromones, then.”
Hyung shrugged once and sat up straight again, his slumped posture corrected.
“There are many movies and dramas that describe Betas exposed to Alpha or Omega pheromones as experiencing a blissful scent… but that’s just fantasy. According to current research, it’s impossible for Betas to detect pheromones and react to them. Impossible.”
By repeating the same word twice, In-woo Hyung emphasized that there was not a shred of possibility.
Although transmitted through the sense of smell, pheromones do not act through olfaction itself. Furthermore, Betas cannot even detect the scent of pheromones with their sense of smell. — Most information on the internet stated as much.
However, opposing opinions were also frequently encountered. And in the comment sections of those opinions, heated debates invariably ensued. Most of the criticism was that people shouldn’t distort verified facts with sentimental speculation.
“There’s a study where male mice, after their Jacobson’s organs were rendered non-functional, exhibited sexual behavior towards both females and males. This is evidence that the Jacobson’s organ responds to female pheromones, inducing courtship only towards females. It also suggests how greatly pheromones influence sexual activity.”
Our conversation was briefly interrupted when a staff member approached to refill Hyung’s glass, which had become empty again.
My gaze drifted aimlessly to the rich, dark red liquid filling the transparent glass, and I recalled a few anecdotes I had read online. Most were similar patterns of experiences. Or stories claiming to be experiences.
Whether the ‘experiences’ of Betas online, who claimed that an Alpha or Omega in their workplace had their legs suddenly give out as a sweet scent overwhelmed their sense of smell, causing them to cling to the other person without realizing it, and that it could only be explained as intentional pheromone release for seduction, were lies or exaggerations based on fiction, it was undeniable that I had experienced being engulfed in extreme pleasure beyond the normal range while sensing his suddenly intensified scent.
Or was my experience also just a Beta’s fanciful novel, projected with sentimental interpretation?
As soon as the glass was refilled and the staff member left, Hyung immediately tilted it and drank it down refreshingly, as if it were beer. Then, looking at me, he smiled.
“If a Beta feels sexual attraction towards an Alpha or Omega… it’s simply because they’re drawn to that person themselves. Not because of pheromones.”
I didn’t know how much of my feelings Hyung had sensed, or if he was just playfully probing with some intuition, or if Hyung had no intention at all and I was just getting nervous for no reason, but since I couldn’t sort out or confirm my own feelings, I pretended not to know and let wine spill.
“You have a habit of drinking what’s in front of you when you’re nervous.” — I couldn’t help but acknowledge his accurate observation.
“Whether Alpha, Omega, or Beta, before gender, they are human. When you live together, you can be drawn to someone regardless of their primary or secondary sex, and even between Betas, without the influence of pheromones, people can have sex based on physical attraction without emotional connection… That’s how the world works. Without necessarily going through pheromones, Alphas and Betas, Omegas and Betas, Alphas and Omegas… if they catch each other’s eye, they date, have one-night stands… it happens. Before gender, we are all human.”
He didn’t speak as if he were scolding me, but his tone carried a hint of sarcasm towards some views that treated Alphas or Omegas as beasts solely driven by sex. As he popped the kernel of the nut he had just crushed into his mouth, Hyung continued.
“If you only feel sexual desire through pheromonal activity… isn’t that a bit too barbaric? It’s no different from mice that go after any male or female when their Jacobson’s organs are damaged. Alphas and Omegas are also drawn to people regardless of pheromones.”
If I, who cannot detect pheromones, can be drawn to an Alpha, then perhaps they can too. But probably… in terms of sexual attraction, it wouldn’t surpass an Omega’s pheromones.
Suddenly, Shushu the author came to mind.
Even without sensing the author’s pheromones, he was an attractive person in himself. Compared to an Omega who already possessed sufficient charm without the help of pheromones, an Alpha, no matter how strong their personal charm, might seem like a bland black-and-white movie to a Beta.
I was surprised at myself for comparing Shushu the author and myself so absurdly. Not because it was an unfair comparison (though that was also true), but because I was startled, feeling as if my emotions had been exposed.
“Ah, there’s a prime example around Lee Hyun. An Alpha who maintains a sex life without pheromones.”
Swallowing the wine I was drinking hastily, In-woo Hyung lightly tapped the table. He added,
“Phantom’s CEO.”
“……”
“He claims he never releases pheromones to his partners. I don’t know since I haven’t slept with him. Well, with Lau Wikun’s looks, influence, and wealth, he might not need pheromones. Anyway, he’s a bit obsessive about that.”
I vaguely remembered In-woo Hyung’s words from the day we first drank wine at the Spanish-style bar. Back then, my knowledge of Alphas and Omegas was even less than it is now, but he had teased me, saying pheromones need circulation to function properly, and that I should release pheromones and smell some Omega pheromones.
“He probably wants to be different from experimental mice.”
Hyung, with an expression I couldn’t decipher whether he was mocking or admiring his fastidiousness, smiled, tilting the corners of his mouth.
“He was a bit peculiar in that regard even in school. He came from a school that was unofficially exclusive to Alphas and Omegas, so Betas were actually rarer during his school days there. Most of those guys had a sense of Alpha privilege and tried to live easy lives using it. But he acted as if being an Alpha was a complex for him. So, many people looked down on him. Said he was acting all high and mighty.”
I had heard similar stories in articles about Shushu the author. A special school in Hong Kong for Alphas and Omegas. Based on the current conversation, it seemed he, In-woo Hyung, and Shushu the author were all alumni of that school. As if reminiscing about their turbulent formative years, Hyung briefly looked down at something on the table, then raised his head and grinned.
“But ironically, because he hated being controlled by pheromones, he diligently learned control abilities and ended up becoming a top-tier Golden Alpha. Even without that, his genes were strong, giving him good conditions as an Alpha, but control ability isn’t something that can be perfected by genetics alone. Ah, is this getting too complicated?”
“No. I sort of… heard about it.”
“Kwon Juhan, perhaps?”
When I nodded, Hyung chuckled as if he had expected it. Along with the advice that if you want accurate knowledge about Alphas and Omegas, it’s best to take Kwon Juhan’s words with a grain of salt.
“How was it? Was I okay? As an intellectual?”
Hyung’s question, asked with a slightly smug tilt of his chin, made me laugh.
“Yes, it was much more helpful than Wikipedia. Thank you.”
“I’m not usually someone who explains things so diligently, but I pretended to be especially kind because it was you, Lee Hyun.”
I expressed my gratitude once more for Hyung’s words, unsure if they were sincere or a joke. Whether he was ‘pretending to be kind’ just for me or not, the kindness received was a fact.
“Is there anything else you’re curious about?”
While I no longer had any reason to doubt the suspicions from that night, there were still other lingering questions. After a moment of thought at Hyung’s question, I opened my mouth. It felt like if not now, then there wouldn’t be another chance to ask later.
“Before… why did you think I was an Alpha?”
“……”
Hyung’s gaze and expression stiffened subtly. But the next moment, a faint smile was directed at me.
“Can I be honest?”
I nodded.
“Because I felt you were captivating.”
He told me to be honest, but the unfamiliar expression made my face flush. Captivating… I had never once made such an assessment of myself.
“It’s not easy to be drawn to someone with no information. Since I couldn’t sense any Pheromones, you couldn’t be an Omega. So, I naturally assumed you were an Alpha. That’s what I thought. Even without actively emitting Pheromones, there’s an inexplicable attraction between Alphas and Omegas, something that’s hard to explain with words.”
Hyung had shown an astonishing level of interest and curiosity from our first meeting, but because he was too direct, it had felt like a joke. Even now, he was using the word ‘captivating,’ but I couldn’t tell if it was genuine affection or just an expression of having felt captivated. From our first meeting until now, Hyung had remained at that ambiguous distance, never coming any closer.
“But that’s from my perspective. As for why Kun felt you were an Omega, I don’t know. That guy is a top-tier Golden Alpha; he almost never makes mistakes when distinguishing between Alphas, Omegas, and Betas. You must be his first.”
Hyung’s words sounded sweet on the surface, but not everything that is a ‘first’ holds precious meaning. Because I was a Beta, not an Omega, I would be remembered by him as his first mistake.
He was the partner of my first sexual experience. Come to think of it, we had left a ‘first’ for each other. A wry smile touched my lips at such a trivial thought.
What had made me fall into a frighteningly extreme pleasure, bordering on ecstasy, that night didn’t feel like a mere scent.
But In-woo Hyung’s explanation and verified data said otherwise. Even if he had intentionally released his Pheromones, you, a Beta, would not be able to react to it and feel sexual arousal, let alone detect the scent itself.
That was only possible between an Alpha and an Omega. A Beta cannot understand their language, which comes from another solar system. No, before that, they cannot even hear what language they are communicating in.
Joo-han Hyung’s words, that the CEO could induce Pheromone effects even in a Beta if he put his mind to it, were just baseless rumors that frequently floated around the internet.
Furthermore, if it was his absolute rule and even his obsession not to release Pheromones to a sexual partner, then even if I had been an Omega, there was no way he would have released his Pheromones that night. The bold reactions I showed were likely just my own passion for sex. No, at this point, instead of talking about probabilities, I should just admit it cleanly.
For days, I had wondered if the sensations I felt during my time with him, which had driven me to become engrossed in the act and injected me with pleasure, were due to Pheromones, but in reality, even if it had actually been the Pheromones’ fault, nothing would have changed.
As I had admitted myself, whispering lewd things in his ear that night and surrendering myself to extreme pleasure was an unexpected and surprising side of me, but not refusing him when he climbed onto the bed was entirely my choice.
But now, even such assumptions were unnecessary. There were no Pheromones.
His scent was just a scent.