By Zephyria ■
Lee Hae-sung’s shower time that day was longer than usual.
The shower gel had long since washed away, yet he stood under the water for a long time. His head was bowed, so the water pouring from above didn’t obscure his eyes but flowed down his face, dripping from his chin.
He stared for a long time at the flow of water, which seemed to be washing away all traces of his intimacy with Choi Hong-seo, heading towards the drain.
His penis, which had been inside his lover’s body for three to four hours, still seemed to retain that sensation. The heat, the suction as if some mouth was pulling from within, the secret mystery of the internal organs wriggling and clinging tightly to the walls of his penis… the pleasure he had reached by rubbing his penis against all of it still lingered, a dull ache in his lower back and groin.
Moreover, he had never felt his lover to be so endearing.
He couldn’t focus on anything because of a mere cold. Instead of telling him to take his medicine, rest well, and see him when he felt better, he had gone to see him with soup. No matter how favorably Choi Hong-seo thought of him, he hadn’t been the type to date so tenderly and intently until now.
He was certainly not a person who sought dark satisfaction by fulfilling his possessiveness while looking at his lover, who was clinging to him, heavy with fever. He had found possessing someone burdensome, and his environment had made it impossible to be possessed.
But why was it different with Choi Hong-seo?
Whether on stage, in dramas, or in his private life with him… every movement Choi Hong-seo made felt like a desperate cry of his best effort. There was no sloppiness, only sincerity and genuine feeling. It was a desperation that surpassed even the average level of effort. The struggle to be loved, throwing his whole body into it, captured not only his gaze but also his heart.
Choi Hong-seo’s words were believable. His gaze of blind affection towards him, the caution with which he only slightly revealed the edge of that blindness for fear of being discovered, and yet his lack of cunning, which was entirely visible to Hae-sung… every part of it was lovable. Lee Hae-sung himself admitted he was a doting fool.
Lee Hae-sung replayed every reaction his precious lover had shown, over and over in his mind.
Hae-sung… sir/madam?
The way he had chuckled and averted his eyes the first time he called his name, just recalling it made him feel aroused.
Tomorrow, even if I’m all better, I want you to scrape inside me with your penis… so much that I can’t practice…
Even if it’s not for a long time, I want to feel like… you’re still inside me.
Hmm… Lee Hae-sung puffed out his broad, thick shoulders and slowly deflated them, taking a deep breath. He glanced down a couple of times at the heavy object in his sight. His touch was like stroking an aroused beast to calm it.
He knew that twenty-seven was not a very young age. He knew that he had passed the age where he would typically be called ‘Baby.’
But to Lee Hae-sung, Choi Hong-seo was not a twenty-seven-year-old young man, but a lover twelve years his junior. Even if he turned thirty, or forty, he would always be twelve years younger, and in Hae-sung’s eyes, he would always be a ‘Baby’ he wanted to indulge with every whim.
A baby who I wish could dream without knowing any of the world’s filth or the stench emanating from it.
Even if it had been impossible until now, at least I hoped Choi Hong-seo would live that way from now on. That was the best I could do.
A moment later, Lee Hae-sung shook his head vigorously as if to shake off an ominous premonition, and lifted his chin. He ran a hand through his hair, closed his eyes, and washed his entire body one last time before finishing his shower.
As usual, he left the bathroom immediately, avoiding the humidity. After drying himself on the rug by the bathroom entrance, he opted for a robe instead of just a towel. It was his private space, and the room was warm enough. Without fastening the front of his robe, Lee Hae-sung passed through the powder room and headed for the dressing room. Before drying his hair, he looked for his whiskey.
Sitting in an armchair in one corner of the powder room, Lee Hae-sung stretched his legs out on the ottoman, crossing his bony ankles. Then, he sank into thought, gazing at a single point until he had emptied more than half of the whiskey poured on the rocks.
Finally, as if his mind was made up, he reached for the intercom on the table next to the sofa.
Manager Kang’s voice soon connected through the speakerphone.
“Manager Kang.”
Lee Hae-sung’s voice was hoarse and raspy, as if he had stayed up all night at Choi Hong-seo’s place and just returned home. He took his legs off the ottoman, leaned forward, rested his elbows on his thighs, and swept his large palm over his face.
“Please assign someone to Hong-seo.”
His voice was languid, without any change in pitch.
“Just to keep watch from a distance, to make sure no maggots like Chairman Jo from last time swarm around him. I’m worried because he’s not the type to tell me if something bad happens.”
Lee Hae-sung shook his head at Manager Kang’s reply.
“No. No, you don’t need to investigate anything else.”
He ran his hand over his rough face, unshaven from a night of sex, and rubbed his chin with his fingertips.
“If there’s something he doesn’t want to tell me yet, I don’t want to dig into it. That’s something… I should hear directly from Hong-seo, even if it takes time. Yes… So, for now, just watching to see if any unpleasant incidents occur is enough.”
He rested his chin on his hand, the one that had been stroking his stubble, and finished his instructions thoughtfully.
“Once Hong-seo returns from his overseas trip, that’s when you should start moving… Please select someone trustworthy.”
After ending the call, Lee Hae-sung placed his legs back on the ottoman and picked up his rocks glass. His robe slipped down below the sofa, opening wide to reveal his muscular, strong legs. His thighs, pressed together from crossing his ankles, were exposed, and a dark penis lay long across the contact surface. Without bothering to adjust his robe, Lee Hae-sung silently emptied the remaining alcohol.
“Um, when we… I might not feel it well.”
Choi Hong-seo had clearly said that before their first time. He had been a little surprised to hear it, but just as he had replied to Choi Hong-seo, the sensation itself hadn’t been important. Choi Hong-seo had said it as a guess, ‘I might not feel it well,’ but judging by his expression and tone at the time, he seemed completely certain of his own insensitivity.
Yet, despite mustering all his courage to confess like that because he didn’t want to disappoint, that child was incredibly sensitive from the start.
During their first encounter, Lee Hae-sung had taken it simply. He thought, ‘He didn’t feel much with previous partners, but he’s different with me.’ He had even secretly rejoiced without Choi Hong-seo knowing.
But after the second encounter, a slight doubt remained.
His self-diagnosis of not feeling much implied he had experience. It was an age where lacking experience would be more unnatural. However, to have sexual experience and then come to understand himself as someone who doesn’t feel well based on that experience… compared to that, Choi Hong-seo, whom Lee Hae-sung had touched, was actually sensitive, excessively so.
Was it simply that he hadn’t loved previous men as much as I do… or that his ex-boyfriends’ techniques were terrible… If not for such convenient reasons? Could a person’s sensitivity vary that much for such reasons? A difference as vast as insensitivity versus extreme sensitivity?
What if, even by a slim chance… he had to sleep with someone he didn’t want to, or had a trauma from an unpleasant sexual experience?
Thud.
Lee Hae-sung placed his glass on the table, creating an intrusive sound in the otherwise eerily quiet space.
It’s just my imagination.
I’m so much of a doting parent when it comes to Hong-seo, I get jealous of fans who casually propose marriage to him and dislike people who gaze at Hong-seo on stage with ecstatic, dreamlike faces. I’m probably just worrying unnecessarily due to overprotectiveness.
Even if he had some past, it wouldn’t change how I see Choi Hong-seo. No matter what past he had, the aspects of Choi Hong-seo that I loved wouldn’t cease to exist. I just hoped I could prevent any unpleasant future events.
Finishing his drink, Lee Hae-sung put his hands in the pockets of his robe and stood up from the sofa. It was around the time the purple sky was slowly brightening outside the blackout curtains when Lee Hae-sung, after leaving the ‘Layered’ dorm, finally got into his own bed. The rain still falling made it darker than usual outside. Morning was arriving very slowly.
■
‘Layered’s’ new single was well-received.
They broke their own records in album pre-orders and chart rankings. They were also sought after for broadcasts and events.
They were invited as the main guest to the first TV advertisement launch event for Nox Hotel & Resort Corp., held at Nox Hotel Seoul, a subsidiary of Hanseo Group. Although they had performed at events held at Nox Hotel before, the treatment this time was entirely different.
But what made Choi Hong-seo tremble the most were the fans.
It was clearly different from the past, when they were merely there to warm up the crowd for bigger stars to come. Every fan’s phone was focused on ‘Layered’ on stage, and they could hear a common phenomenon of singing along, not just to the new song but to their older tracks as well. The fact that this was possible, even though it wasn’t a venue filled only with ‘Layered’ fans, was special to Choi Hong-seo.
The moment of connecting with the audience felt like another reward for the past, comparable to winning first place on a music show or topping the digital charts. While singing their older song, which had a gentler melody than the new single, the audience sang along, swaying their phone lights from side to side. Looking at the lights swaying left and right, Choi Hong-seo thought not of ‘the hardship is over, happiness begins’ but of ‘I have no regrets, even if I die.’
It would be wonderful if this feeling of being rewarded for the past could be taken as a signal flare for a bright future, but the situation was not that smooth.
“Everyone worked hard. Nox prepared lunch boxes in the waiting room, so let’s rest for a bit before heading to the airport.”
As soon as they came off stage, the manager led the members without a moment to spare. One of the changes was that a manager of director level had been almost consistently accompanying ‘Layered’s’ schedules for some time now.
“Aren’t we leaving right away?”
“You don’t have to leave right away. Rest a bit, change your clothes here, and if anyone wants to wash their face, they can.”
“What about clothes? Don’t we have separate sponsorships for airport fashion? Are we wearing the casual clothes we brought?”
Amidst the members bombarding him with questions while wiping sweat, a familiar face caught his eye between their shoulders. Choi Hong-seo’s face, which had been sweating expressionlessly unlike on stage, lit up for a moment. Jeong Ji-in, spotting Choi Hong-seo, returned his smile.
“Oh, Hyung Ji-in! Hello! Hyung, I saw your commercial!”
“You looked like a real prince! I thought you were Nox’s son!”
After the other members greeted Jeong Ji-in boisterously upon seeing him, they moved towards the waiting room first, allowing Choi Hong-seo and Jeong Ji-in to move to a less crowded part of the hallway to talk.
“You’ve lost more weight, maybe because you were sick.”
“I lost it on purpose. It’s a successful diet.”
“Do you have to lose this much?”
“They say you look prettier, and the reaction is good.”
“…That person?”
“No, the fans.”
Having consulted over the phone a few times, Jeong Ji-in knew that Choi Hong-seo was troubled by relationship issues. He hadn’t yet revealed that the object of his concern was Lee Hae-sung.
Choi Hong-seo’s face turned red just from the pronoun ‘that person,’ which didn’t even precisely refer to Lee Hae-sung. He chuckled, nudged Jeong Ji-in’s shoulder, and took a few more sips of the bottled water he was holding.