By Zephyria He turned his heavy body halfway to sit, wanting to see his face. “Lean back comfortably,” he said, bending his knees to support his back. There were times when he was surprised by him like this, to the point where he wondered if such thoughtfulness could be considered a talent.
Growing up, his parents had never properly taught him manners. He had learned them through observation during his school years and after entering society. Lee Hae-sung was different from himself, who had grown up carelessly and was rough. He was unlike any other VIP he had ever met.
He wanted to learn, even if it was just by imitation. Because he wanted to give something back, even just a little.
Splish, splash. Choi Hong-seo, changing his position in his embrace to sit sideways, reached out and touched his face.
“You did well. Smoking is bad for your health.”
Lee Hae-sung, who had been watching Choi Hong-seo with curious eyes, wondering what he was doing, bared his teeth and smiled at the tickling sensation of his cheek being touched.
“It’s been a while since I received praise, I’m quite thrilled?”
“It’s been a while?”
“No one scolds me, but no one praises me either. There are many who flatter me, but that’s not praise.”
He placed his hand over Choi Hong-seo’s hand that was touching his face. He looked down at it with affection, as if seeing something beautiful and wondrous, and gently caressed it. Then, he kissed his fingertips, each nail one by one. Slowly. As if to remember every shape and color. Finally, he bit down on his fingernails with just enough pressure not to hurt.
Through that act too, Choi Hong-seo could feel that he was loved. Everything he said and did was like that.
This time, Choi Hong-seo took his hand and fiddled with it. Given his height, his hands were quite large. They didn’t look that big at first glance because of their neat appearance, but when directly compared or touched, the length and thickness of his fingers, and the width and thickness of the back of his hand were considerable. They were large enough to easily hold a basketball with one hand, and just as heavy.
He held Hae-sung’s left hand with both of his own, kissed his fingertips, and bit his nails. Exactly as Hae-sung had done to him.
Lee Hae-sung, resting his elbow on the edge of the bathtub and propping his temple, watched the scene with a smiling face.
“Are you imitating me?”
“Yes.”
“Am I that cute?”
“……”
“Holding it with both hands like that, you look like a baby eating hotteok.”
He hadn’t intended to be cute; he had imitated him because he wanted Hae-sung to feel loved. It seemed he had failed.
As his wet, heavy hair slid down, he carefully pushed it back behind his forehead again. Then, he squeezed shower gel onto a sponge, lathered it up, and gently rubbed Choi Hong-seo’s upper body.
He truly felt like a baby.
He had no memory of receiving such devoted care, let alone from Lee Hae-sung. Even though it was a clear reality he was experiencing, it still felt surreal when he tried to process it mentally.
As he passively accepted the touch on his shoulders, he scooped up some bubbles that had dripped from the sponge and were floating on the water.
“This smells similar to the perfume you sometimes wear, Darling.”
“Did you like my perfume?”
“When we walked together on Namsan that time… the scent lingered even after I got home. For several days.”
The scent couldn’t have lasted for days. It was just a memory, a phantom sensation. He had liked the scent, and he had kept recalling it because he didn’t want to forget.
“I don’t wear perfume for public appearances, but I sometimes sprayed it when I met Hong-seo.”
To look good. For Hong-seo.
His shoulders tensed and a thrill ran through him at the voice that whispered close to his ear.
“What perfume is it?”
He stopped as he raised and wiped his arms alternately. His playfully smiling face drew closer, and he gave a peck. He seemed to be in a good mood.
“Why? Trying to secretly buy the same one?”
“Can’t I buy it?”
“Of course, you can. I’ll gift you a bottle tomorrow. It’s an order-made from a perfumer in Paris, so you can’t get it anywhere else.”
“It’s that precious, and you can give it to me?”
He chuckled briefly, as if he had heard the most trivial of stories.
“What could be more precious than you?”
“……”
His ears burned from the direct expression of affection.
Lowering his head to calm the heat in his face, Choi Hong-seo bravely grasped the wrist holding the sponge.
“Let me do it for you.”
He turned his body more to face him and carefully rubbed his neck and shoulders. Whether from the ticklishness or the contentment, a smile remained on his face. As he rubbed his broad, firm chest, he lightly smeared some of the bubbles from his chest onto Choi Hong-seo’s nose.
“Before… remember when I said I’d tell you a real secret?”
“Yes.”
“Actually, I don’t just collect cameras; I also take photographs.”
“……”
Sensing that an important story was about to begin, Choi Hong-seo stopped his hands and looked up at him. He opened his right arm, making space, and invited him to lean against him. As he crawled into that open embrace, a long, strong arm wrapped around his shoulder.
Tilting his head, he buried his lips on Choi Hong-seo’s temple and continued speaking.
“I’ve had three or four small exhibitions abroad. I deliberately chose small cities and changed galleries each time.”
“……”
“Of course, under a pseudonym.”
“Ah…”
“So, I thought I wasn’t a bad photographer. But selfies defeated me.”
He deliberately spoke more seriously, tilting his head back to rest his hair on the edge of the tub.
“Ah… selfies were a completely different realm from regular photography.”
Looking at him feigning hardship, Choi Hong-seo reached out and stroked his bluish jawline.
“Darling, you’re handsome, so you don’t have to be good at selfies.”
“Hmm… really?”
“Really.”
“If you’re really that handsome, kiss me.”
He tapped his own lips and demanded a kiss.
His head was lower than Choi Hong-seo’s because he was leaning his head against the tub, and his wet face, looking up with slightly open eyes, was incredibly attractive.
As Hae-sung always did, he cupped his face with both hands and leaned down to get closer. He kissed his warm, wet lips several times with care. He seemed satisfied. Instead of baring his teeth and smiling broadly, he seemed to be holding back a smile, his eyelids lowered, a smile playing on his lips.
His arms, which had been wrapped around Choi Hong-seo’s waist in the water, lifted his body. The next moment, Choi Hong-seo was sitting on his lap, facing him.
“For the next exhibition, I’d like Hong-seo to come.”
“I’ll go.”
He replied, pressing his upper chest with the hand holding the sponge.
“Really?”
“I will definitely go.”
“……”
“No matter what.”
“Then, a kiss.”
Like a child who had found an amusing game, he tapped his lips again. He could give him as many kisses as he wanted. He kissed his sexy lips, which gave a cool, composed impression, several times. This time, it didn’t end there. He opened his lips and touched the inside of Choi Hong-seo’s upper lip with his tongue, and the kiss developed into a deep one. Embracing each other’s slippery, soapy bodies, they kissed for a long time, feeling a rekindled desire as if the previous intimacy had never happened.
A real secret.
Choi Hong-seo had one too.
At that moment, he felt an urge to confess everything to him. What would happen if he told him everything that had happened so far? Would he, Lee Hae-sung, believe him? But… wouldn’t that be a crueler thing to do to him?
He collects cameras, and also holds exhibitions under a pseudonym and takes photos. If my secret were of that kind…
That night, wearing his pajamas, lying in his bed, and in his arms, they talked about various things for a long time.
When he said he wasn’t very close to his family, Hae-sung didn’t ask for details. And he also talked about Jeong Ji-in and Hyun-su, who could be considered his closest friends. He mentioned that it might take a little time for Hyun-su, but he would be able to introduce Ji-in soon. He spoke of his cautious hope.
It had been a really long time since he had talked so much about himself to someone. However, unlike his usual self, Choi Hong-seo’s voice, which had been chattering a bit, gradually slowed and lost its strength. The more he talked, the more he shared his insignificant history with him, the heavier the guilt of speaking falsehoods pressed down on his chest.
“Are you asleep?” he asked in a low voice a couple of times, and Choi Hong-seo, closing his eyes as if asleep, did not answer. “Sleep well,” he whispered, kissing his forehead, and waited for Hae-sung to fall asleep first.
Lying in the dim darkness, he gazed at his sleeping face for a long time. Possessing him while he slept and looking at him to his heart’s content felt different from looking at him face-to-face. He could indulge in the illusion that he was his alone.
He carefully touched his face. Long, thick eyebrows, a perfectly sculpted nose, healthy cheeks, a masculine mouth and jaw… A peculiar Darling. A special Darling.
“……I’m sorry.”
He didn’t know why he said that. The words came out of his lips involuntarily, without his will. He wasn’t thinking of anything, nor recalling anything. It was just that, at some point, hot tears were streaming down Choi Hong-seo’s cheeks.
â–
Part 3
The tears that flowed to his eyes were wetting his temples.
Strange. Although only a single stream of tears had fallen, his cheeks and pillow were soaked. His shoulders trembled with sorrow as he recovered from the crying.
“……”
Only then did Choi Hong-seo realize that he had been asleep and had just woken up from a dream. It was like the feeling of losing touch with reality for a moment after waking up from a very long and vivid dream.
He swallowed dryly. His mouth and throat were so dry that he felt pain.
Only then did the scenery of where he was lying come into view. The place he had opened his eyes to was completely unfamiliar. The blanket covering his body, the needle of the IV in his forearm, the somewhat sparse and clean space… It was not Lee Hae-sung’s bedroom.
Instantly, Choi Hong-seo sat bolt upright.
He felt dizzy but didn’t care. It couldn’t have been Lee Hae-sung’s bedroom. He, Choi Hong-seo, no longer existed in the world. This was clearly a private hospital room. But it wasn’t the same place where he had woken up as Yoon Hye-an last time.
His phone, he had to find his phone first.
His phone was charging on the drawer next to the bed. Choi Hong-seo’s hands were rough as he disconnected the phone from the charger. He was on the verge of going mad with anxiety. Only after confirming that his reflection in the black phone screen was Yoon Hye-an could Choi Hong-seo finally feel relieved and take a breath.
At least, he hadn’t woken up in a new place as a new person again. At least.
He had to feel relieved about maintaining Yoon Hye-an’s appearance… A twisted, bitter smile escaped between his fingers as he rubbed his face.
He pushed back his sweat-drenched hair and searched for
Ah… right, the casting news hadn’t been officially released yet…
He was in a hurry to confirm at least that. That he had secured the role of Hwang Ji-woo in
Startled by the sudden presence at the door, Choi Hong-seo turned his head from where it was deeply bowed.
“Hyung!”
It was Yong-jae, holding coffee in both hands. Yong-jae’s face was as welcome as the moment he realized his own face was still Yoon Hye-an.