By Zephyria 
Acting.
If there was one value that was most precious to him, one that could not be exchanged for anything, it was, without a doubt, acting. Acting was his lifelong companion, his family, and the very self-esteem of the human being named Yoon Joo-ho.
Knowing that, Song Hyun-soo could not say a word.
Listening to the sound of the waves, they gazed into each other’s eyes for a while.
With a faint smile, Yoon Joo-ho added, looking somewhat embarrassed.
“And this is also a kind of response, to someone who confessed to me through acting.”
He recalled the moment he acted out
Yoon Joo-ho stood up and walked to the wide space behind the heater. Turning to face Song Hyun-soo and stopping, he looked surprisingly nervous.
“Hmm, this is the biggest stage I’ve ever been on.”
Song Hyun-soo, thinking it was a joke, chuckled. But seeing his still rigid expression, it didn’t seem like a joke.
The biggest stage Yoon Joo-ho had ever been on.
Because it was in front of him.
Hoo. He let out a long exhale and patted his shoulders and wrists. He resembled a theater actor loosening up backstage. Before going on stage to deliver a few lines, Song Hyun-soo used to look just like that.
Finally, Yoon Joo-ho swept his hair back with both hands. Then, in a pleasant, calm voice, he began.
“Imagine me reaching the peak of my career as an actor.”
“…”
“Meeting the work I desire, acting with passion, and being recognized for it. Yoon Joo-ho, no longer a star but established as a distinct actor. He has plenty of money and fame, he’s handsome, as you can see, and his life is undeniably successful.”
Song Hyun-soo shook his shoulders and giggled at the playful words, and Yoon Joo-ho smiled back, meeting his gaze.
“The goal I pursued, the ideal I envisioned, was always up to that point.”
“…”
“But in the moment I held the trophy amidst the cheers and applause of the crowd, I suddenly realized. It wasn’t as perfect as I had expected.”
“…”
“And I would break away from the dazzling glory and run somewhere.”
Yoon Joo-ho’s vocal projection, his gaze directed somewhere in the air, his pleading gestures…
Song Hyun-soo slowly began to realize.
The acting Yoon Joo-ho was about to show him had already begun.
A monodrama¹) was unfolding before Song Hyun-soo’s eyes.
“I stop a taxi in front of a house and get out. I look through the window to find you.”
As if his earlier nervousness was a distant memory, he walked slowly across the ‘stage’ as a completely immersed actor, continuing his performance.
“I see a Christmas tree with twinkling lights, and I hear the boisterous chatter of people.”
“…”
“I see you laughing and talking with people who aren’t me, sharing the warmth that was once directed at me. I stop for a moment and watch you.”
“…”
“As if to painfully engrave what I have lost.”
Song Hyun-soo, unable to even think of drinking the coffee in his hand, became increasingly engrossed in the story.
“I gather my courage and open the door. Several people are sitting in the living room. But I can’t see you. I try to get people’s attention and say, ‘Excuse me, hello. Hello.’”
Suddenly, the tone of his acting shifted from monologue to dialogue.
“I’m looking for my boyfriend. Ah, my ex-boyfriend, to be precise.”
It was undoubtedly a line reflecting Song Hyun-soo’s earlier remark, emphasizing ‘ex-boyfriend.’ Song Hyun-soo, the sole audience member of this drama, let out a small laugh so as not to disrupt the scene.
“You, who were picking something up behind the sofa, slowly stand up and look at me. Everyone who was chattering stops for a moment and falls silent. I put down the large suitcase on the floor and spread my hands out towards you, like someone trying to prove their innocence. I’m desperately anxious, afraid you won’t even want to hear my story, afraid I won’t be able to say a single word I prepared, and that you’ll reject me…”
Song Hyun-soo was beginning to understand what scene he was acting out.
Yoon Joo-ho’s gaze, which had been directed at the air, now met Song Hyun-soo’s. With his hands raised, he spoke cautiously.
“If this is the place where everything must happen, then yes, I will tell you everything right here, right now.”
“…”
“Because I don’t want you to ever leave me. What do you think?”
The movie was
It was one of the old movies they had watched together during their cohabitation.
“Yes, that’s right. I was an expert at turning away and hiding. No matter what happened, I would isolate myself and deny that things were important, and then they would get better. But this time…”
With his hands on his hips, he lowered his head deeply. Then he shook his head.
“I don’t think I can do that with you.”
He was acting as Tom Cruise in
He was adapting the movie’s dialogue to fit their situation.
“Today, I… received a glorious award. Whether it was the Blue Dragon, Cannes, or the Oscars, anything. I received thunderous applause on a dazzling stage, wearing a handsome tuxedo. It was the most perfect night of my life. No… it should have been the most perfect night. But I realized. It wasn’t perfect at all, not even a little bit.”
Yoon Joo-ho slowly raised his eyelids and looked at Song Hyun-soo.
His lips parted.
“Because you’re not here.”
“…”
“As you know, I lived in a cold world. But the moment you appeared in my life, many things began to change. Like the sun melting winter and bringing forth spring.”
“…”
“If you are not in my life, it’s not perfection minus the part of you. It’s not perfection.”
“…”
“It’s a failure.”
“…”
“Because you are what completes me.”
You complete me.
In this scene, Tom Cruise’s final line ended there.
After finishing the dialogue, Yoon Joo-ho stood still, looking at Song Hyun-soo.
His hands hung loosely, without any handsome pose or expression. Without any pretense, exaggeration, or self-protection.
He felt as if he were standing naked before him.
Now, as Yoon Joo-ho, he spoke.
“If I were a Christmas tree, you would be the star on top. If I were a singer, you would be my hit song. If I were the Harry Potter series, you would be ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.’ If I were a painter, you would be my signature. The signature that proves it’s my work, not a copy.”
Song Hyun-soo’s lips curved into a smile. But without realizing it, tears welled up in his eyes. Yoon Joo-ho smiled back faintly and slowly approached.
“You are the actor I want to act with for the rest of my life, the sexy BB gun that takes me down, Monroe’s little Dad, and my sweet, yellow… canned peaches.”
This time, Song Hyun-soo burst into louder laughter. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Yoon Joo-ho, stopping at Song Hyun-soo’s feet, unhesitatingly knelt on one knee to lower his height. He took the mug from Song Hyun-soo’s hand, placed it on the table, and wiped away the tears on his cheek.
“You are precious, Song Hyun-soo.”
“…”
“I’m upset that I’m no longer your boyfriend. More than upset, I’m sad, anxious, and angry.”
“…”
“I don’t want to lose you to anyone.”
Yoon Joo-ho slightly pulled up his left sleeve. Looking down at the watch, which emitted a faint sheen in the darkness, he continued.
“You said this when you put this watch on me.”
“…”
“Don’t just stand by if you lose what’s yours. You are mine.”
Song Hyun-soo had indeed said that to Yoon Joo-ho.
“If something is precious, say it’s precious. If you’re upset, say you’re upset. If you don’t want to lose something, say you don’t want to lose it. Say it all and live.”
Like an alien learning human language for the first time, he was, like a child, repeating Song Hyun-soo’s words exactly.
Yoon Joo-ho carefully toyed with Song Hyun-soo’s hand resting on the blanket. His touch, stroking the back of his hand between his thumb and index finger, was agonizingly deliberate.
“Don’t abandon me.”
“…”
“Please pity me, Hyun-soo.”
It was his most honest sincerity, more than any other words. Fresh, hot tears flowed down his cold cheeks once more. Yoon Joo-ho’s hand reached out and wiped away the tears.
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Monodrama: A one-person play performed by a single actor.