Chapter 148

twenty five

Grayson, his smile frozen, could only stare at Dane. The surroundings were as silent as if death had arrived.

…What?

Grayson blankly thought. It felt like someone had hit him hard on the head with a blunt object. Otherwise, there was no way he could feel this dazed.

Right, that’s right. He barely managed to recall. Someone must have hit me on the head. That’s why I’m hearing such nonsense. It’s an auditory hallucination. Why would Dane say something like this to me? We still have five days left, and I told Dane I loved him, and Dane too…

He should like me.

Suddenly, his whole body turned cold as if splashed with cold water. His fingertips tingled, and he hurriedly clenched and unclenched his fists.

“Ah, sorry.”

Grayson hastily raised the corners of his lips and said, “My head must be messed up. Did Pheromone accumulate? My Pheromone levels are higher than average, so I need to release them often. Ah, did I tell you Papa has something wrong with his head? This is confidential, but it’s okay since you’re my lover. If you neglect Pheromone, you’ll end up like Papa…”

“Grayson.”

Dane interrupted him with a sharp voice. In front of Grayson, who had once again frozen, Dane slowly lowered the hand that had been covering his face and raised his head. He was looking at Grayson with an utterly devastated expression.

“You didn’t mishear, you heard correctly. …Let’s stop, now.”

Had his heart stopped altogether? Grayson couldn’t even breathe as he stared at Dane. Why? Why is Dane saying this?

What went wrong?

“I love you.”

“I know.”

He confessed his true feelings once again with a trembling voice, but Dane’s answer came too easily. His lips were pulled up as if smiling, but his eyebrows were furrowed. Dane said as if reciting, with a painful yet bitter smile.

“You’re probably right. I’m the one who’s wrong.”

Grayson still couldn’t understand. He had just been staring blankly, but he belatedly realized.

“Ah, I see.”

Grayson blinked and hurriedly continued, “It’s because… it’s because I’m not your type, right? Huh? Yeah, I’m too big, just stupidly big. Th-then, how about this? Should I cut off my legs? If I cut them off this much, I can become smaller too. How about it? Would that work? Huh?”

“Grayson.”

“Or is my torso too big? How about cutting off my arms this much? That would work, if I cut off my arms and legs this much, I wouldn’t even be half your size. Would that be okay? If I become smaller than you, if I, if I…”

The more he spoke, the more Grayson fell into despair. No matter how hard he tried, nothing would change. No matter what he did, even if he cried and begged, he couldn’t hold onto Dane.

Because this man doesn’t love me.

“If I were…”

Grayson opened his mouth, facing Dane’s empty face, who was just looking at him.

“If I were as small and lovely as Yeon-woo, if that were the case…”

“No, Grayson. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”

Dane shook his head strongly. Even as he looked at Grayson’s confused face, he found it difficult to find the words to explain. Until now, he had never explained anything to anyone. He would simply give a brief conclusion, whether it was good or bad, and then turn around and leave, and everything would be over. He had only ever had cheap, light relationships that allowed him to do that.

So that he would never have to face someone’s whole heart with such sincerity.

But it was already too late. Grayson Miller was a man who had so much, yet cherished something as cheap as a can of dog food so dearly. He wished he hadn’t known, but unfortunately, Dane had found out.

So now he had to end it. This hopeless relationship.

“I’m hopeless, from the start.”

He muttered self-deprecatingly.

“You’re different from me. I can’t.”

Dane repeated the same words over and over. To Grayson, who still didn’t understand, he confessed with a sigh.

“I’m someone who can’t love anyone.”

Dane then raised his gaze, which had been wandering somewhere at his feet, and looked at Grayson. He was still smiling, but it looked somewhat awkward. Probably because of his distorted eyebrows and eyes. Grayson suppressed his impatient heart and waited for his next words. Dane, who had been holding and rubbing his mouth and chin with one hand, sighed.

“I don’t know, I don’t know what love is, or even if it exists within me.”

He lowered his gaze again. His hand still remained on his chin as he muttered.

“What I feel for you isn’t love. It’s closer to pity.”

Even so, it didn’t matter. Grayson didn’t care what Dane’s feelings for him were. He just wanted him to stay by his side, that was all he wanted, but he silently endured. There was no way Dane wouldn’t know Grayson’s feelings. What he was trying to say wasn’t everything. What exactly did he want to say?

Something to convince me…

Just when he thought there was no such thing, Dane finally opened his mouth. With great difficulty, as if forcibly digging out something buried deep in the abyss, he said in a low voice.

“My mother was an Omega.”

At the unexpected confession, Grayson was momentarily stunned. Silence fell between them again. And in Dane’s empty eyes, he went back to the past.

twenty six

“Dane, why don’t you have a dad?”

He realized this around the age of three. The apartment where he lived alone with his mother was located in a slum where all the windowpanes were broken and gunshots could be heard day and night.

He couldn’t remember the name of the kid he used to play with, but he remembered spending time with him and relieving boredom during the times when his mother went to work.

The kid, who was two years older than Dane, also lived alone with his mother. However, he definitely had a father, even though he was in jail for selling drugs. He had once proudly said that he had gone to visit his father with his mother.

Anyway, at the innocent question of a peer, Dane had doubts for the first time. Come to think of it, why don’t I have a father? His friend said with shining eyes.

“Your dad must have gone to jail too.”

“The same jail as your dad?”

At Dane’s question, he nodded. Then he pointed to one of the houses with his finger.

“The older brother in that house sells guns. When I grow up, I’m going to earn money and buy a gun.”

“A gun? Why?”

“I have to get my dad out of jail. Let’s do it together!”

“Okay! We’ll save my dad too, right?”

“Of course. Here!”

The friend held out his dirty hand, mixed with dirt and saliva. Dane readily took his hand. Dane’s hand wasn’t much different either. They clenched each other’s hands like adults and made a resolution, then returned to the first topic.

“But do you know how to shoot a gun?”

When Dane asked, the friend blinked and replied.

“There’s a hole to put your finger in. You put your finger in there and do this, like this.”

The child wiggled his finger and pretended to pull the trigger. Dane looked at him with a fascinated face.

“Amazing. Me too, me too. I want to buy a gun too!”

“Silly, you have to save money first.”

At his friend’s nagging, Dane sucked on his finger with a disappointed face and asked.

“Do you have one?”

“I do.”

“Where? Where?”

“I’ll get one later.”

The friend raised his head arrogantly and said.

“When you become an adult, you get money. Look, Bill over there sits there drinking every day, but he always has a lot of money in his pocket? Coins this muuuuch…”

“Whoaaaa.”

Dane blinked in admiration at his friend’s expression. With that money, he could buy ten candies from the corner candy store. Since the biggest number Dane knew at the time was 10, he thought so with certainty.

“Then I can buy a gun when I grow up too, right?”

At Dane’s question, his friend nodded confidently.

“Of course, let’s rob the jail together!”

“Okay, great!”

Dane shouted excitedly. The two immediately made gun shapes with their fingers and started shooting at each other.

“Bang, bang.”

“Bang, bang, bang!”

They were practicing hard when suddenly, his friend went, “Oh,” and lowered his hand. Dane, who turned his head after him, soon shouted with a brightly lit face.

“Mom!”