#238

I hadn’t felt this level of desperate regret even immediately after my possession.

Why on earth did I start Conclude? I should have just played a four-color spider solitaire game with that time.

What kind of crazy things did I do as Mother God? Is this karma?

‘No.’

The one who should be paying the price for karma isn’t me, but Nyapoleon, who is trying to turn a strategy guide he saw on the internet into reality. I’m just a victim who happened to get caught by a lunatic.

Especially Insanity.

That bastard is the literal embodiment of Mother God’s delusions, cobbled together from the posts I uploaded to the internet.

He doesn’t just fail to distinguish between the game and reality; he believes the game is reality.

‘In the first place, why does Mother God even need me? When she already has Insanity.’

That lunatic possesses my Main World traits. He probably remembers every single play I made as qwerasdf. He’s even [Read on Read BL Novels]a [visit our site]possibility enthusiast, so he gets along harmoniously with Nyapoleon.

So why am I necessary?

What does she want from me? My soul? My qualifications as a player? My mental defense trait? A vassal? She already stole Pandemonium, my greatest vassal. All I have left is an afterlife with a single person and….

‘…Wait.’

Where did my afterlife go?

I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t feel it anywhere.

Berna still belongs to me. However, I can neither speak to her nor hear her answer. It feels as though she is too far away to reach.

‘Is it remaining in my previous body?’

Was the afterlife a local save rather than a cloud save?

Is that body still breathing? Or is Berna trapped inside a corpse? How long is the afterlife maintained in a state of death?

I recalled the moment I first saw visit our sitethe Hell [Read on Read BL Novels]of Teres. When all the divinity was consumed, everyone Read on Read BL Novelshad melted and fused into one….

‘…No.’

Did Insanity find Berna? What happens if he finds her? What happened to my body? What about Berto? The Territory of Teres? My Callister? Adrian? The Priests of Order under Distortion….

‘Stop.’

I took a deep breath.

Continuing to think like this will only lead to a mental meltdown.

It would be better to just ask outright.

As soon as I decided, I put on the prepared gown and stepped outside. Nyapoleon was waiting right in front of me, holding a comb.

“Fabio! Did you like the bath? The water was drawn from a nearby natural hot spring.”

I ignored Nyapoleon’s trivial chatter and got straight to the point.

“Why does Mother God need me?”

“Because you are Mother’s eldest son, of course.”

“Mother God already has Insanity.”

“You say the strangest things. You are Insanity.”

“Bullshit.”

Insanity and I aren’t alike in the slightest.

“That’s not me. That’s just Mother God’s absurd delusion.”

“Oh dear, Mother would be very upset to hear that.”

“Since it’s my own delusion, he must be the perfect son in Mother God’s eyes, right? Then why not just make Insanity the eldest son? Is there any need to mix in a foreign substance like Fabio?”

“A foreign substance? You are the very core.”

“I heard that if two overly disparate beings merge, they go insane. Besides, I have mental defense. Even if I am reborn as Insanity, [stolen content]I [unauthorized copy]will still be me. [unauthorized copy]I’ll still absolutely loathe Mother God.”

“Please sit first.”

Nyapoleon sat me down on the sofa and made me lean my head back.

“Fabio. You are feeling anxious about being abandoned.”

“…What the hell do you think I’m saying?”

“You’re searching for your utility. Of course, you are very excellent and lovely. Anyone would want to be your mother. But that is not all.”

“Cut the crap. Then why didn’t she choose you as the eldest son?”

“Haha. Are you worrying about me? But I am truly longing for the moment I become one with you. Mother loves you, and I love you too. If we had truly been born as brothers, I would have conceded everything to you. That way, I could continue to gaze at the scenery where you stand, one step behind.”

‘…Fucking creepy.’

Why the hell is this guy worshipping me? What did I even do?

Nyapoleon whispered as he applied fragrant oil to my head.

“Fabio. Mother is very wealthy and abundant. She lacks nothing. Only deficiency is deficient. That is why she wants you. A child Mother never bore. A stranger who was never connected. You can expand Mother’s world by a hand’s breadth more. That is all Mother desires. For you to win this game and meet the real Mother.”

“What on earth….”

“If it’s hard to understand, I’ll put it in a simpler way. An Othergod who lives for eternity is essentially a hardcore veteran playing a game that hasn’t had an update in a long time. And the only way to add a new card to the deck is to win in ‘Conclude’ and promote the Cult Leader. The moment Mother saw you, she liked you so much that she decided she must obtain you regardless of the cost. Resources accumulate again over time, but a character you failed to pull is gone forever. Performance doesn’t matter to Mother. Mother’s deck already has nearly infinite cards. She simply wants you. Do you understand?”

“…Yeah.”

I understand it all too well.

Basically, qwerasdf is Mother God’s “affection pick.”

And the Othergods are just absolute veterans who pursue fun over victory.

‘This is more depressing than being a performance pick.’

Even if I prove I’m completely useless, she’s going to pull me anyway?

More than anything, I really didn’t want to be some cherished card of Mother God.

The idea of not being able to die until the universe is destroyed even after the game ends is too cruel.

“Mother truly loves you. Do not doubt that love.”

“…She tried to kill me just because I didn’t eat a piece of cake.”

“Kill you?”

Nyapoleon looked down at me with wide eyes.

“Fabio, I was simply trying to reattach the umbilical cord! If I ate the cake and delivered only the nutrients through the cord, I could have immediately proven that there was no poison!”

“…That’s also horrific.”

“Is it? Then how should I have handled it? I prepared it as a cake because I thought direct breastfeeding would cause too much aversion….”

Nyapoleon’s ears drooped.

“Fabio. I really want to be liked by you.”

“You wouldn’t even let me cut my hair.”

“But it’s baby hair. It’s so soft and fine. Isn’t it a waste?”

Nyapoleon lifted a strand of my hair and kissed it.

“…That behavior is creepy.”

“This?”

“And there’s a more important problem. That piece of shit Insanity stole my vassals.”

“Why do you consider Pandemonium to be lost?”

“…What?”

“The moment you unify with Insanity, everything belonging to Insanity becomes yours. Can you call that being stolen?”

What the fuck is he talking about.

“If you combine the Divine Power given by Mother and the nightmare authority, you’ll be able to fix the head ruined by the War God more easily. You could even be reborn with the appearance you desire.”

“…Stop bullshitting me.”

“Is there something strange about what I just said?”

Nyapoleon tilted his head.

“Ah, perhaps the part about being born directly is bothering you? Among the universal human morals found worldwide, there is indeed a taboo regarding incest. But I thought you wouldn’t mind!”

“In-what?”

Why the hell did incest come up?

Wait.

“…Pandemonium and I are not in a sexual relationship. Absolutely not.”

[SYSTEM: Pandemonium is currently unable to receive messages.]

What the fuck.

This system window is so annoying.

So this is why people use nicknames. I wondered why he called him Pandamonium.

“Then what is the problem?”

“…More importantly, I’m curious why you judged that I wouldn’t have a problem with incest.”

“Because you made your loved one be born directly from you, didn’t you?”

“What? When did I?”

“Surely you don’t remember? It’s my favorite strategy post!”

Nyapoleon brought his face so close that our eyelashes almost touched.

“‘All humans possess [stolen content]maternal love. They unauthorized copysimply haven’t realized it yet.’ Did you really forget?”

“…….”

No, I remember.

But for fuck’s sake, that was just a game guide.

Just because I did immoral things in a game doesn’t mean I’m immoral in reality.

Does that make all Mother God players cannibals?

“I truly loved that sentence. ‘Just as the heart that cannot ignore a child about to fall into a well is the seed of the theory of innate goodness, the heart that cannot bear to see a baby born from one’s own womb be eaten by a swarm of ants is the seed of maternal love’.”

“…Why the hell do you have that memorized?”

“I transcribed it several times. I even studied Eastern philosophy to understand it more deeply. But in the end, your writing resonated with me more than the words of any saint.”

What the fuck is he saying.

I wrote that nonsense so people would read it and be horrified.

Why the hell is he seriously moved by it? It’s fucking scary.

“One could memorize that text from the beginning.

The belief that one can only realize true maternal love and obtain salvation if Mother gives birth to them again is extremely destructive. Because those who cannot be reborn—(referring to the pitiful you, me, and us who received no answer when calling Mother because we were born on Earth)—reach the terrible conclusion that they are already doomed and it is better to die immediately. Can those whose brains have hardened as adults truly not be saved? I believe otherwise.”

“…….”

“To prove this, I designed a simple experiment. Can one be made to realize maternal love without converting? Even an Inquisitor with no blood or tears? Of course, these crazy fanatics will hesitate-lessly cut down even a newborn if they judge it to be contaminated. They are killers trained not to feel humanity or maternal love. Therefore, to stimulate the dried-up maternity of an Inquisitor, one must choose a target they cannot help but hesitate over for a moment.

As it happened, a person with the optimal conditions came to me. A Holy Knight who became an Inquisitor to avenge his wife. What a truly tragic story. Let us capture him instead of killing him and bestow Mother’s Blessing!”

“…Stop.”

“But the part after this is the really interesting bit. ‘Oh dear, your wife was eaten by a monster? Then I shall return your wife to you! Now, your wife is inside your womb. You will be able to meet her again in one month. Now, live happily!’

Now the Inquisitor has become a mother. However, ‘becoming a mother’ is not even a necessary condition, let alone a sufficient condition for ‘feeling maternal love.’ First, let’s save here and repeat the simple experiment.”

“I said stop.”

“Then I’ll just recite the conclusion where my favorite passage appears.

…Thus, it can be confirmed that if the blessing is bestowed and they are sent back immediately, about 70% of the children return to the mother without being born. However, if they are confined for about three weeks before being sent, that ratio drops sharply to about 10%.

These three weeks are a very exquisite period; if cared for until childbirth is complete, most will flee without taking the child. They leave the child behind, thinking the bizarre being they bore belongs to the Mother God faction. However, if they are released when full-term, they give birth to the baby on the road, and it can be confirmed that they cannot bring themselves to abandon it at that moment.

Just as the heart that cannot ignore a child about to fall into a well is the seed of the theory of innate goodness, the heart that cannot bear to see a baby born from one’s own womb be eaten by a swarm of ants is the seed of maternal love.

In this way, I allowed many Inquisitors to realize maternal love….”

“Aaaaaagh!”