By Zephyria *
The surroundings were quiet. So quiet that Koi was afraid he might hear the sound of the medicine dripping from the IV Ashley was receiving. In the continuing silence, he sat still, not even daring to breathe, and looked down at him.
The secretary’s words kept swirling in his head.
〈Why are you unaffected?〉
〈You’re still a Beta. You don’t show any signs of Manifestation at all.〉
〈Could it be that you don’t actually like Ashley Miller?〉
That’s not true.
Tears welled up in Koi’s eyes again. What do you know? What do you know?
〈So you’re rejecting him with your whole body, because you don’t really want Ashley Miller.〉
No, that’s not it.
〈Ashley Miller is the only one who likes you.〉
That’s not why, I like Ash.
I really like him because it’s Ash.
You don’t know anything…
“Ugh, hic.”
Koi bit his lip and rubbed his eyes as tears overflowed again. He tried to hold it back, but sobs kept escaping.
He wiped away the tears several times when he suddenly heard a faint groan. Koi paused, quickly rubbed away the tears again, and looked up to see Ashley groaning with a distorted expression. He seemed to be regaining consciousness.
Koi tensed up without realizing it, bracing his shoulders as he waited for him to open his eyes. After a few seconds of silence, Ashley slowly lifted his eyelids.
Koi watched him blink a few times to focus, holding his breath. Finally, Ashley shifted his gaze and their eyes met, and he stopped breathing altogether.
“…Koi.”
Ashley whispered in a hoarse, subdued voice. Seeing him smile faintly, Koi teared up again.
“Koi.”
Ashley called his name more clearly this time, then frowned.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Koi couldn’t answer and lowered his head. He hurriedly wiped away the tears, but they didn’t stop and continued to overflow.
“Koi…”
Ashley hesitated as he raised his hand in confusion. After checking the IV needle in his arm, he looked up, found the IV drip, and was silent for a moment. Soon, his memories returned, and he realized the situation.
“…How’s Bill?”
Koi struggled to stop crying as he answered in a somewhat low voice.
“He’s, he’s okay. He went to the hospital. He got an injection to extract the Pheromones.”
“…I see.”
A long sigh followed. Koi looked at him with reddened eyes. Lying in bed, Ashley looked more tired and exhausted than ever.
“Are you, are you okay? Ash.”
Ashley paused before answering the question, which kept breaking off due to the remaining sobs.
“…I want to say I am, but I’m not really okay.”
The expression disappeared from his face as he gave a bitter smile.
“What about you? Are you okay?”
Ashley, who asked belatedly, soon realized he had asked a foolish question. Koi hadn’t Manifested. Not this time either.
Bill had vomited and even lost consciousness.
Koi also realized what Ashley was thinking. Anyone could tell by looking at his expression. Even the usually oblivious Koi had noticed.
“I’m okay.”
Koi forced a smile, tensing his jaw so his voice wouldn’t tremble.
“I didn’t Manifest.”
Ashley paused before nodding briefly.
“Yeah, that’s a relief.”
After saying that, he tried to smile, but it wasn’t as easy as he thought. He knew he had to recognize the situation calmly in his head, but his heart was too complicated.
Why is Koi so unaffected?
〈Maybe he’s strongly rejecting it himself.〉
The secretary’s voice, which he had tried so hard to bury, suddenly came back to life. The words that had been tormenting and unsettling him filled his head in an instant.
Does Koi not really like me?
He knew he shouldn’t doubt it, but he couldn’t help but feel suspicious.
Koi, why aren’t you Manifesting?
Surely she couldn’t be right. They definitely liked each other. Sincerely. Besides, it was awful to doubt his sincerity just because Koi hadn’t Manifested as an Omega.
Koi would be happier as a Beta.
That was true. Ashley had to live his whole life being swayed by Pheromones like this. Koi, who was a Beta, would probably never understand.
They were too different now.
If Koi were an Omega, he could understand my suffering a little.
He knew that Koi was trying hard now. But no matter how hard he tried, he would never know as long as he remained a Beta. That way, the two of them would become more and more different and understand each other less and less.
How many times could Koi put up with this side of me?
〈You can only call yourself an adult if you know how to let go of someone you truly love. Of course, I don’t know if you’re an adult.〉
“That woman is right.”
Koi didn’t understand the words he whispered in a low voice at first.
“Huh? What did you say?”
Ashley looked at him with a miserable feeling as he hurriedly wiped his eyes. Koi was crying. Because of him. Ashley couldn’t stand that the most.
“I shouldn’t be with you.”
Koi’s eyes gradually widened at the unexpected words. Ashley continued, looking at him, who couldn’t say anything.
“If I really care about you, I should let you go. You’re a Beta, and I’m an Alpha. You didn’t Manifest, and I did.”
The more he spoke, the more painfully the reality hit him. Uttering how different they had become was like torture.
“You’ll be in danger every time I go into a rut. Maybe I’ll be driven mad by the scent of another Omega and hurt you. This is definitely not it, I should leave you. But, but.”
Ashley bit his lip as he tried to continue speaking. Koi watched his large chest slowly sink as he slowly exhaled the breath he had taken deeply. Then, Ashley whispered in a trembling voice.
“But I can’t, I can’t do that.”
“Ash.”
“I can’t break up with you.”
He knew that what she said was right. He knew that he was wrong and that he had to give up now.
But he couldn’t do that.
What if Koi wasn’t there, what if he disappeared from my life?
Could I endure it?
“Koi, don’t abandon me.”
He grabbed Koi’s arm and desperately clung to him.
“Please don’t abandon me, Koi.”
Why didn’t you Manifest? No, why did I have to Manifest?
If we were both Betas, if that were the case.
This painful thing wouldn’t have happened.
“Ash.”
Koi called his name urgently, but Ashley didn’t hear him. He was already out of his mind with fear.
I might go crazy.
This Pheromone might swallow me up.
“I’m scared.”
Ashley muttered, trembling all over. His wide eyes shook violently with purple pupils.
Maybe I’m already crazy.
What if my brain has already melted and my mind has gone, but I haven’t realized it? What if this is all just an illusion and a delusion?
What if I’m crazy and dreaming right now?
He couldn’t overcome his fear and covered his head with both hands.
“I’m scared…”
“Ash.”
Koi looked at Ashley with a pale face. When he touched his body with trembling hands, he could feel Ashley trembling as well. Koi mustered up the courage and leaned towards Ashley. Ashley desperately hugged him back at the warmth of Koi, who hugged him tightly.
For a while, the two of them shared each other’s warmth and remained like that. Ashley’s trembling gradually subsided, but the arm that held him remained the same.Koi wanted to reassure Ashley somehow, but no words came to mind. Nothing he could say would reach Ashley. No matter what Koi said, he wouldn’t be convinced.
He couldn’t say it would be okay, or that he would always be by his side, or that he understood his pain. None of it. It would all be nonsense. Everything felt so detached from reality that he couldn’t even bring himself to say it. What could he do to reassure Ashley?
〈Aren’t you actually not in love with Ashley Miller?〉
That’s not true.
As the secretary’s voice echoed in his ears again, Koi hugged Ashley tightly. He would prove it somehow. His love.
“…Do you still have the two dollars I gave you?”
Koi asked in a quiet voice after a long silence. Ashley, who hadn’t reacted for a moment, nodded. Koi, who had let out a trembling sigh, opened his mouth with difficulty.
“The reason… why I can’t smell…”
He felt Ashley flinch. Koi took a deep breath. The voice that came out next was somewhat shaky.
“I had an accident when I was little… A car accident.”