#42

‘Clayton.’

Coming back to his senses at the call urging the order, Tennessee moistened his dry lips with his tongue.

The current target of protection was similar to Amber in age and build. It wasn’t that he had a preferred target, but Tennessee didn’t like children of this age. It reminded him of his first meeting with Amber. Aside from the age, they had nothing in common. Ah, there was one more thing. That if you were kind to them occasionally, their faces would light up brilliantly. Just peeling a candy as requested or doing something trivial when he felt like it, but they loved it noticeably. In that regard, they were like Amber.

Looking back, Amber had been happy over such trivial things.

‘Ready?’

Tennessee checked the traffic signal. Even if he returned alive today, once today’s mission ended, tomorrow’s would come, and after that, the next.

Suddenly, an uncontrollable fatigue washed over him.

And Tennessee blamed the misplaced fatigue for the fact that things had gone wrong. While applying pressure to a leg where blood was spreading, Tennessee wondered if his foggy head was because he had lost too much blood, because of fatigue, or because of lack of sleep. It could have been all three.

A gunshot rang out not far away. It was gradually getting closer.

His mind was hazy from losing too much blood. He leaned the back of his head against the cold wall. The gunshots sounded similar to fireworks. When he was young, he was more accustomed to gunshots than fireworks, so every July 4th, he would curl up in bed. Because it felt as if bullets were seeping in like shadows amidst the sound of fireworks.

In fact, the next day, he would hear rumors that someone from a gang or someone living nearby had died.

Ah, I really can’t pull myself together.

To steady his fading consciousness, Tennessee wiped his forehead several times. He felt he had to survive, though it was more of an obligatory thought. Since he couldn’t die, he should live; since there must be a way, he should live—it felt like fulfilling a minimum responsibility toward himself.

In front of him, Camden lay collapsed with empty eyes. The eyes, from which life had already departed, were void. The man who had been talking about selfies was the first to have the back of his head blown away.

Now the gunshots were right in front of him. He had lost so much blood that he couldn’t even put strength into the hand holding the gun.

Is this how I die?

Fine, let me die like this.

Looking at it now, it didn’t seem so bad.

Tennessee let out a long sigh. Every time he turned his head forward, he faced the lump of meat that had once been Camden. Letting his arm drop, Tennessee closed his eyes. Camden’s words repeated.

‘I heard you have a kid? That’s why you do this job.’

Bang!

The moment a firework exploded right behind the wall he was leaning on,

Tennessee suddenly realized.

He hadn’t told Amber that he was leaving him behind.

He had thought that if he died in a strange place or was unlucky enough not to survive, he must let Amber know, but he realized he hadn’t done so.

It was too futile to close his eyes like this. He had so much to do.

He worried that Amber might not be able to forget him and might spend his whole life searching for him.

* * *

“Why didn’t you reply?”

There were no other emotions in the tone of the question. Amber asked calmly and waited for Tennessee’s answer.

“……I don’t know.”

“Was it because of me? Did I fluster you, Tennessee?”

“A little.”

“Then you ran away. From me.”

While reading the letters and listening to Amber today, Tennessee realized that Amber’s resentment was deep and wide. Tennessee didn’t make excuses. He felt that these were the seeds he had sown himself.

“Have you ever been called a coward?”

Tennessee shook his head with a smile. Amber smiled back. The way his lips curved upward was similar to before, yet different.

“I know you must have been confused. I know it wouldn’t have been easy to accept.”

And Amber added,

“But I think I’m going to make you even more flustered from now on.”

As the hand stroking his head didn’t stop, Amber gradually fell asleep. It had been a weary and dizzying day for him. Touching the hair as black as the night sky, Tennessee couldn’t help but let out a faint laugh.

Said I ran away…….

It wasn’t a lie.

“Congratulations on becoming an adult, Amber.”

Drowsy with sleep, Amber lifted the corners of his mouth. Though his face looked completely different, Tennessee thought that the way he smiled somehow resembled himself.

“Thank you.”

Even as he fell deep into sleep, Amber replied. While keeping his anger and sorrow tightly hidden. Amber had now become capable of speaking in such a tone.

* * *

A suspicion entered Tennessee’s mind that Amber might be slightly happy that he was injured.

This was because, despite the tedious and demanding nature of nursing him, Amber seemed genuinely happy. He never postponed anything, never complained, and never frowned. He was always one step ahead, helping and reaching out. Even for things Tennessee could do himself.

Tennessee was a person accustomed to doing everything alone. It was no different while lying in the hospital. With two more surgeries scheduled, the journey to recovery was long. He tried to adapt his body to prepare for this, but Amber gave him no such opportunity.

I can do it.

Whenever he tried to say those words to Amber, who was bringing him a water bottle, Amber said a multitude of things with just a look. In that gaze, it almost felt like he heard hallucinations: ‘Tennessee ran away and left me, left me…… ran away…… two years…… letters…….’ That was why Tennessee couldn’t say anything.

The doctor couldn’t find the exact cause of Tennessee’s prosopagnosia. They only said it seemed to be due to the impact to the head during the vehicle collision.

However, Tennessee acted naturally enough that Amber didn’t realize he had prosopagnosia. Tennessee distinguished and remembered people through methods other than their faces. Intonation, accessories, unique hairstyles, and habits were the clues.

Amber concluded that it was possible because Tennessee’s intuition was like a ghost’s. There were identical twins among the medical staff, and Tennessee distinguished them as well. When asked how, Tennessee replied, ‘Their gait is different.’ Amber couldn’t hide his admiration.

After a few days, Tennessee began to recognize Amber quite well. While it was true he still couldn’t recognize the face, he didn’t cast a strange look even when Amber entered after changing clothes.

How do you recognize me?

When Amber asked, Tennessee simply replied, “Just because.” Amber playfully asked if he wasn’t going to tell him, but for Tennessee, that was the best answer. Tennessee just recognized Amber. A face wasn’t necessarily required to recognize a person. Tennessee was certain that when he first woke up in the hospital, even if Amber hadn’t explained, he would have recognized him given enough time.

Around the third day, Elizabeth and David visited. After being briefed, Tennessee greeted them, but Amber noticed that Tennessee didn’t recognize their faces. While Elizabeth, being a doctor, had a long and difficult conversation with the attending physician after hearing about Tennessee’s condition, Tennessee sat quietly and looked at them. Beside him, David shed tears, and Amber’s younger siblings, Cody and Annie—who had already become middle schoolers—were immersed in their smartphones, as if they were used to their father crying.

Tennessee left the review that it was ‘quiet yet chaotic,’ and hearing that small mutter to himself, Amber burst into laughter.

“Ryker, why are you laughing?”

While David wiped his tears, Amber’s siblings asked as they belatedly brought out balloons. They were balloons with the phrase “Get well soon!” written on them.

Amber’s siblings, Cody and Annie, waited for Tennessee to say something first, but Tennessee only gave a short word of thanks.

Cody and Annie were generally outgoing and friendly, but they were uniquely awkward with Tennessee. Part of it was because Amber had fought desperately to interfere between them when they were young, but it was also because Tennessee was equally indifferent to the children.

Watching them stare blankly at each other, Amber couldn’t suppress his laughter. Then, he recalled a memory from the past.

It was the day Tennessee visited Michigan before leaving for Florida. Annie had once gestured for Tennessee to hold her. Amber, feeling jealous without even knowing why, had been about to say no, but it wasn’t necessary.

Tennessee did not hug Annie. He simply stroked the small head with a gaze that was neither frightening nor cold. Though the rejected Annie clung to Tennessee’s pants and cried, Tennessee merely consoled her in a detached manner without embracing her.

Amber smiled with satisfaction. Tennessee was an indifferent person to everyone, but Amber didn’t mind that impartiality at all.

As Tennessee suspected, Amber was making full use of this moment. Of course, Amber didn’t wish for Tennessee to be in pain in the slightest, but what could be done if he was already hurting?

Above all, Amber loved having Tennessee all to himself. Tennessee had always been busy; while he occasionally made time to be with Amber, it wasn’t a frequent occurrence. It was more like spending a weekend together once every few months.

Now, Tennessee was severely injured, and since full recovery might take at least six months or perhaps even longer, it became possible for the first time to spend a long period with him.

And, surprisingly for Amber, Tennessee was quite a compliant patient. When the doctor told him not to move his arm, Tennessee stopped even the things he tried to do on his own. Now, Tennessee entrusted almost everything to Amber. Sometimes, he would stare at Amber in silence. In those moments, Amber would hand him a bottle of water or medicine in a small paper cup.

He wasn’t just receiving help; he was leaning on Amber. While Tennessee’s pain was regrettable, this moment was so sweet that Amber felt a twinge of guilt. Yet, he sincerely hoped Tennessee would recover quickly—even if Tennessee were to leave again as soon as he healed. Amber pushed that guilt down to the very bottom.