By Zephyria 
“Hey, he’s coming, he’s coming.”
Unlike other shops, the donut shop located in the middle of Teheran-ro tended to have few customers on weekends. Since it was in a densely packed corporate area, there were far more office workers passing by on weekdays, and since there was a large branch of the same brand at Gangnam Station, they only needed to cater to the weekday crowd. Thus, weekends were leisurely.
For the employees, there was one major topic of interest lately. Specifically, Saturday at 10:00 AM. It was a customer who visited at this exact time.
Starting five minutes before ten, an employee who had been staring only at the door nudged the elbow of another employee standing at the POS terminal. In response, the employee at the terminal straightened their back, adjusting the beret they wore.
Soon, with a cheerful tinkle of the bell, the awaited customer entered.
A towering height reaching nearly 190cm. Broad shoulders. A small face. Calmly styled hair. While his features looked sharp when still, his eyes seemed to hide some sorrowful story. Full lips. A jawline that exuded masculinity. A high, straight bridge of the nose.
He had the kind of looks that naturally drew out fluttery exclamations of admiration. The employees had memorized his existence from the very first moment he visited on a Saturday morning long ago.
The customer, dressed in a black suit, crossed the hall with long strides as if walking a runway.
“Hello.”
The clerk greeted him with a bright smile. The customer gave a slight nod.
“……Yes.”
The low voice was a bonus. It was only a single syllable, but that deep voice was so striking. Two employees, who were wiping a table that didn’t even need wiping a few steps away, locked eyes and quietly fussed.
As always, the customer approached the donuts neatly arranged inside the glass display case. The clerk at the POS terminal followed him toward the donuts.
While the customer slowly looked over the donuts, the clerk stared blankly at his face.
Was it a month ago? One of the employees had made a huge fuss, claiming to know the identity of this customer.
They had wondered if he was a celebrity or an up-and-coming actor because his face felt strangely familiar. But it turned out he was the heir to the Seong-jin Group. A so-called second-generation chaebol. Moreover, as an only child, he was the first in line for succession with no rivals.
His name was impressive, too. Seo Do-kwon. The clerk wrinkled their nose slightly while reciting Do-kwon’s name inwardly.
But every time he came, the clerk thought that Do-kwon had somewhat unexpected tastes for a chaebol. Of course, their shop’s donuts were delicious, but to think they could capture the palate of a chaebol.
Furthermore, he came every single Saturday and bought the exact same menu. Even after staring at the donuts with such a serious expression, he would ultimately buy two originals, a white chocolate donut, a cinnamon caramel, and a peanut butter donut.
He was truly a chaebol of steadfast taste. It felt strangely dissonant that he liked sweets… but then again, liking sweet donuts with that face was part of his charm.
The dazed clerk suddenly snapped back to their senses. Then, with a kind smile, they spoke to Do-kwon.
“Would you like the same as usual today?”
“Yes.”
Do-kwon nodded as if he had been waiting. “Yes, I’ll have them ready for you right away,” the employee said, beginning to pack the donuts with practiced hands. Do-kwon took his wallet out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket.
Having finished the packaging, the clerk scanned the donuts into the POS system with a series of beeps. Then, they recited the standard phrase they said to all customers.
“Two originals, one white chocolate, one cinnamon caramel, and one peanut butter. Would you like any coffee?”
“I’m fine.”
“Alright. I’ll process the payment.”
The clerk took Do-kwon’s sleek black card with both hands. As the payment was being processed, Do-kwon took a step closer to the counter.
“Um….”
“Yes, sir.”
“When do the strawberry ones come out?”
“Ah, the strawberry ones? You’ll have to wait a few more months… they usually come out around January.”
“Ah…. I see.”
At the clerk’s answer, the corners of Do-kwon’s eyes drooped in disappointment. The clerk felt gloomy in sympathy. After rolling their eyes for a moment, the clerk brought up another topic to lighten the mood.
“You must really love donuts.”
“……It’s not that I like them. My partner likes them. The donuts here.”
“Ah… oh…. I see.”
The clerk’s mouth popped open in a small circle. His partner likes them. He had a lover? Well, with those specs and those looks, it would be stranger if he didn’t, but knowing he actually had one made the clerk’s throat feel strangely scratchy.
However, the clerk showed no outward sign of this and cheerfully handed the donut bag to Do-kwon.
“Please bring them along next time!”
“…….”
At those words, Do-kwon’s eyebrow arched upward. A brief silence fell over the conversation. He looked as if he might nod, but in the end, he gave no answer.
The clerk froze, wondering if they had made a mistake. Do-kwon took the bag. After a light bow, he left the shop. The bell tinkled again, and Do-kwon’s receding figure was visible.
The employees, who had been standing at a distance, swarmed over. Three of them huddled together, chatting excitedly.
“No way, he just said his partner likes them, right?”
“See? I told you he seemed like he had a lover.”
“I had a bad feeling from the moment I saw the ring on his fourth finger.”
“But wouldn’t there be articles if someone that famous was dating? I didn’t find anything when I searched.”
“True…. Maybe he’s not dating another chaebol, but a regular person?”
“Oh my, oh my, that could be it. Is that why he always comes alone to buy donuts? So he doesn’t get photographed?”
“Why shouldn’t he be photographed? It’s not like it’s an affair.”
“Still, from a regular person’s perspective, it could be burdensome. The family might hate it, the parents might oppose it, right? It’s obvious.”
“If he’s doing that to protect his lover… that’s… so romantic.”
They reached a unique conclusion. The three of them watched with longing eyes as Do-kwon climbed into a luxurious car.
“I don’t know who it is, but that partner who likes white chocolate and strawberry donuts is so lucky.”
“A hundred points. No… a thousand points.”
A fluffy sense of envy rose on the employees’ faces.
* * *
Holding a bag of donuts and a large bouquet of flowers, Do-kwon strode up the stairs of the memorial park. The ring on the ring finger of his left hand sparkled under the bright sunlight.
Without blinking once, Do-kwon moved forward, staring intently only at his destination. He passed the outdoor columbarium, passed the tiered burial plots, and entered the spacious woodland cemetery.
He stopped for a moment to straighten his tie. He smoothed his hair and pulled down the bottom of his jacket to remove the wrinkles.
In the woodland cemetery, trees of similar height were planted in neat rows. The area was filled with luxurious trees, yet it felt strangely desolate. This was true even in the middle of the day when the sunlight was stinging.
Do-kwon, however, moved forward regardless. He stopped in a secluded spot where the sunlight fell warmly. On a black marble headstone, the name [Yoo Eun-soo] was clearly engraved. Since it had only been just over a year, the marble was still polished and the tree was not yet large.
“…….”
Do-kwon gazed quietly down at Eun-soo’s name. It was Eun-soo’s name, a name he was so incredibly familiar with, yet looking at it like this, it couldn’t feel more foreign. When he whispered it, the roof of his mouth felt astringent.
Eun-soo’s death still didn’t feel real. It felt hazy, as if he were dreaming. He woke up from dreams every day and fell asleep again, but somehow, the times he was awake felt more like a dream.
Perhaps it was because he could meet Eun-soo in his dreams. That was why he wanted to dream even now. He felt that if he fell asleep here, he might dream of Eun-soo more clearly.
But Eun-soo wouldn’t like that. He must be resting peacefully now; how absurd and ridiculous would it be if Do-kwon fell asleep here?
Do-kwon let out a short, hollow laugh. Then, he knelt down on one knee. With familiar movements, he removed the lifeless flowers from the vase next to the headstone. Then, he carefully inserted the newly bought flowers.
He stuffed the flowers, now trash, into a paper bag and took a handkerchief from his jacket’s inner pocket. With it, he gently wiped the dust and pollen off the headstone. He checked the tree and moved diligently, clearing away fallen leaves and petals that had blown in from somewhere.
Throughout this, Do-kwon said nothing. Not even the cliché phrase, ‘Eun-soo, I’m here.’
By the time sweat beaded on his forehead, he took off his jacket and plopped down in front of the headstone. Grass clung to his trousers, but he didn’t care.
Feeling the gentle breeze, Do-kwon picked up the donut bag. He neatly spread the napkin the clerk had provided on the grave marker and lined up the donuts on top of it. Then, he popped one original into his mouth.
Before he could even chew properly, the sweet syrup spread throughout his mouth. Do-kwon frowned slightly.
“It’s sweet.”
He wasn’t particularly fond of sweets. He had no interest in desserts. However, after meeting Eun-soo and trying various things, he had become able to eat them to some extent. Yet, he didn’t know why these donuts, eaten here at this time every week, tasted so sweet. It was almost to the point where his tongue stung.
Still, Do-kwon forced himself to finish the one donut. Then, staring intently at the swaying leaves, he began a monologue.
“The employee at the donut shop asked me today if I liked donuts.”
“…….”
“So I told them that I don’t, but you do. Then they told me to bring you along sometime.”
“…….”
“I almost answered ‘yes’ without thinking… but I didn’t say anything. I thought I shouldn’t.”
“…….”
“But thinking about it on my way here… I should have just said, ‘Yes, I’ll bring them.’ No one would care about a lie like that. It’s a lie only I know. Right?”
Do-kwon laughed with a wheezing sound. He found it utterly ridiculous that he had spent hours agonizing over something a clerk had said without much thought, and that he was now reporting these trivial stories to Eun-soo in such detail.
Do-kwon slowly closed and opened his eyes.
Still, thanks to that employee, he was able to recall a brilliant memory for the first time in a very long while.
That donut shop was a place he and Eun-soo used to visit often. They went every day during the company lunch break. Sitting by the window where the sunlight poured in, he would drink coffee, and Eun-soo would happily eat those donuts they bought today.
Even though they had just eaten a meal together, Eun-soo would devour three donuts, and he couldn’t have been more lovely. His plump cheeks glowed like the moon in the sunlight, and his lips, gathered in a circle as he sipped coffee, looked like pretty cherries. On top of that, his fluttering hair and the subtle scent that wafted from him.
It was one of Do-kwon’s favorite moments of the day. Sometimes, if lunch was delayed and they couldn’t eat donuts, he would take them out and feed them to Eun-soo while he sat in the executive office, just to watch him.
It was a peaceful, monotonous, everyday memory. That was why it was more precious and sparkling.
…And because he could never see it again, it was more longing.
Do-kwon found his phone in the jacket he had set aside. When he lightly pressed and released the power button, Eun-soo’s image filled the screen. It was a photo of him at the donut shop, with a white chocolate donut held to his lips, eyes curving into a wide smile.
As he had done before losing his memories, Do-kwon changed his wallpaper to this. Probably… he would never have to change it again.
Do-kwon tried to stroke Eun-soo on the screen with his thumb, but then he felt that even that was shameless.
Before he knew it, two hours had passed. He had to go. In truth, he didn’t want to, but it was a rule he had set for himself. Not more, not less—exactly two hours.
Do-kwon spoke as he cleared the donuts he had placed on the headstone.
“I’ll come again next week.”
“…….”
“I know you’ll hate it… but I’m still coming. I’ll only stay for a little while. Exactly two hours, just like today.”
Two hours was the maximum and the minimum. The maximum amount of time Eun-soo could endure him, and the minimum amount of time he spent longing for Eun-soo.
After stuffing the donuts into the bag with the withered flowers, Do-kwon rubbed his eyelids vigorously with the back of his hand. The thought of having to leave now filled him with an unbearable sense of regret.
Do-kwon gently touched Eun-soo’s name engraved on the headstone.
“Eun-soo. Lately… I live for these two hours.”
“…….”
“I’m only happy for these two hours out of the week.”
“…….”
“So even if you hate me… please bear with me. I’m sorry for keep coming. I’m truly sorry.”
Do-kwon apologized with all his heart. Then, he slowly stood up. He crumpled his jacket haphazardly and gathered the trash.
“I’ll come again next week.”
“…….”
“If you really hate it… come into my dreams and curse me. You can stab me with a knife or shoot me with a gun, it’s fine, just please come.”
Do-kwon wore a bittersweet smile. Then, as if waiting for an answer, he stared quietly at the tree. But Eun-soo gave no answer. Even the leaves, which had been swaying incessantly, were motionless.
Do-kwon forced the corners of his mouth up, trying to hide his disappointment.
However, he could not hide the single tear that rolled down his cheek.
I miss you so much that I’d even settle for that, Eun-soo.
* * *
Do-kwon’s day repeated with regularity.
Early morning. He woke up with a headache caused by the aftereffects of sleeping pills. Then, he thought about what day of the week it was. If it was a weekday, he would count the days remaining until Saturday and feel either disappointed or excited. If it happened to be Sunday, he had to spend the entire morning suppressing the urge to bury his face in his pillow and die of suffocation.
He couldn’t die. Because Eun-soo told him not to. Though it wasn’t a formal will, those words had become a will, and Do-kwon felt a mission to keep them. Thus, the suicidal urges that surged at all times now felt like close friends.
Longing for Saturday and Eun-soo, he would eventually get up and wash when the alarm rang again. He prepared for work while checking messages and emails to see if any employees had contacted him overnight.
Once at work, he had meetings, received business reports, and fought a war of attrition with text on a screen. Then, when lunch time came, he would count the days again. To make sure the date he counted in the morning was correct. To make sure he hadn’t miscounted in his sleepiness. And then he would feel disappointed or excited once more.
He barely ate lunch and attended to his afternoon duties. He tended to leave work as late as possible. He would hold out until dawn, leaving only when he felt he could fall asleep as if fainting from exhaustion. On Fridays, he would stop by his parents’ house to have dinner with Myeong-hui and Ki-ho.
Do-kwon’s family had returned to the way they were before he met Eun-soo. Cold and dry. They didn’t particularly share conversations. The few conversations they did have were all related to the company.
Do-kwon had no particular complaints about this. If he talked about Eun-soo, he wouldn’t be able to eat because he’d be sobbing. As a result, he would tear down the days he had barely managed to hold together and have to fight a fierce battle against the desire to die.
Today was Friday.
Do-kwon left work on time and came straight to his parents’ house. At the dining table where Myeong-hui, Ki-ho, and Do-kwon sat, only the sound of cutlery moving echoed.
Do-kwon ate slowly. Even with a spoonful of rice full, he didn’t feel confident enough to swallow, so he repeated picking at the side dishes several times.
Still, he tended to eat more when he came to his parents’ house. At his own home, he barely even put water in his mouth. Friday made Do-kwon feel at ease. Because tomorrow—that is, Saturday—he could go see Eun-soo.
“Just how much more weight are you going to lose?”
A sharp voice pierced through the crown of Do-kwon’s head as he hung his head low. Do-kwon slowly lifted his head. Myeong-hui was staring at Do-kwon with narrowed eyes, looking displeased.
“You look like you haven’t had a scrap of porridge to eat… How do you expect to stand before the employees and reporters with a face like that? Anyone looking at you would think I’m starving you.”
At those words, Do-kwon set down his utensils and stroked his own cheek. He felt the hollow dip of his cheekbones. The bone was particularly prominent, and his skin felt rough and dry.
He didn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep properly, he lived on sleeping pills, and except for Saturdays, he practically lived at the office from the early hours of the dawn until the next dawn; it would have been stranger if he didn’t look like a beggar.
“…….”
Do-kwon didn’t answer. I’ll make sure to eat well. That one simple sentence was incredibly difficult to utter. It was because he didn’t have a shred of confidence that he actually could.
While Do-kwon was worrying about what to say to avoid upsetting Myeong-hui, Ki-ho placed a thick piece of galbi on top of Do-kwon’s rice bowl.
“Right, Do-kwon. You’ve lost a lot of weight. You should at least eat well when you come home.”
“……Yes.”
Do-kwon looked at Ki-ho with a faint smile. Even so, he didn’t pick up his utensils.
Ki-ho had struggled with Eun-soo’s death as much as Do-kwon had. Myeong-hui likely felt the same, though he simply hadn’t shown it outwardly.
Regardless, for three months after Eun-soo died, Ki-ho had also lost a great deal of weight. He had lived with perpetually red eyelids and barely touched his food. However, from a certain point, his condition suddenly improved. He seemed to be traveling here and there with Myeong-hui, he ate well, and he would occasionally call to check in and chat.
Do-kwon found Ki-ho and Myeong-hui strange. Since they were people who had cherished Eun-soo that much, he wondered how they had shaken off his death so quickly. He had lived his life thinking he was an adult in his own right, but he figured that experience was indeed experience.
He wasn’t resentful that they had emerged from their grief. There was nothing to be gained from living in constant tears. If it hadn’t been for him, they would never have met Eun-soo, nor would they have had to grieve his death. When he thought about it, their sorrow was also his sin, which only made his heart feel heavier.
After catching his breath for a moment, Do-kwon picked up his utensils. The small piece of metal felt like a dozens-of-kilograms dumbbell, but he forced himself to lift it and bring the food to his mouth.
* * *
Dates, seasons, and time flowed by relentlessly. It felt as though winter had only just passed, yet winter had come again in an instant.
As with every winter in Seoul, there was a lot of snow. Some days it poured sleet, other days powdery snow fluttered, and today, thick snowflakes fell lightly like cotton.
Do-kwon looked out the window of the director’s office while drinking coffee. Watching the world turn white moment by moment made his sense of time even blurrier.
Still, he was more aware than anyone that it had been over two years since Eun-soo vanished from this world.
Rather than living day by day, it would be more accurate to say Do-kwon was enduring his life. All his routines and thoughts revolved around Saturday. Thus, seeing the snow fall naturally brought a sigh to his lips.
I wonder if Eun-soo is cold. Snow must have piled up. It needs to be cleared. Even though there were separate caretakers for the woodland burial site, he felt uneasy. However, he couldn’t just suddenly go see Eun-soo today, since today was Wednesday. That would be a breach of the promise.
Furthermore… he had somewhere else to go today. That was the reason Do-kwon was dressed in an all-black suit.
Do-kwon glanced at his wristwatch. 4:00 PM. It was early to leave work, but since it was snowing heavily and the journey wouldn’t be easy, he thought it best to start early.
He had handled all his urgent business for today and had given Secretary Jeong a separate heads-up, so leaving two or three hours early should be fine.
Do-kwon set the coffee cup on the desk. He then took out and put on his suit jacket and coat. He adjusted his tie in the mirror and smoothed his hair once more. He cleared his throat.
A sharp tension tickled the area around his chest. His stomach was churning wildly. Because of that, he hadn’t even been able to touch the lunch he had already been picking at.
After checking his appearance, Do-kwon felt around his pockets to confirm his car keys and wallet. As he headed for the door, the door swung open abruptly before he could even grasp the handle. Do-kwon’s brow furrowed slightly. Before he could finish the thought of who dares enter without knocking, Myeong-hui’s face entered his field of vision.
A flicker of bewilderment crossed Do-kwon’s eyes.
“Mother?”
“…….”
Myeong-hui said nothing. Instead, he scanned Do-kwon from head to toe with eyes full of discomfort and displeasure. Do-kwon took a half-step back and looked at Myeong-hui. Why was Myeong-hui here? Not only had there been no appointment, but he hadn’t received any notice.
As Do-kwon’s jaw shifted slightly to the side, Myeong-hui glared and questioned him sharply.
“Where are you going?”
“To Bundang.”
“Why Bundang? Are you perhaps going there?”
“By there, you mean…”
“I’m asking if you’re going to see Eun-soo’s parents.”
At those words, Do-kwon took a sharp breath. His chest heaved. After swallowing dryly once and then again, Do-kwon replied as if gagging.
“……Yes.”
Today was the anniversary of the death of Eun-soo’s parents. When he was dating Eun-soo, he had gone with him, and after Eun-soo died, he had gone alone. He intended to continue doing so.
At Do-kwon’s affirmation, Myeong-hui’s eyes widened. He let out a piercing shout.
“With what nerve do you go there!”
“……I went last year as well.”
“Exactly! Going last year was enough. Why bother today!”
At the shrill voice, a crease formed above Do-kwon’s eyebrows. He couldn’t understand Myeong-hui’s agitation. Do-kwon stared at Myeong-hui with cold eyes.
“As you said, Mother, it is true that I have no nerve to see them. I’m a bastard who deserves to be killed. If they were alive, they would have twisted my neck by now.”
“You know that, and yet…”
“But, that’s exactly why I should go and beg for forgiveness, shouldn’t I? I have to beg and say I’m sorry, that everything that happened to Eun-soo was my fault. Isn’t it more shameless to act as if I did nothing, as if I know nothing? You’re acting a bit strange today, Mother.”
He really was strange. If it were the Myeong-hui Do-kwon knew, he would have pushed him out the door, telling him to go from dawn until midnight to beg for forgiveness. He might have even attached a few people to monitor whether he was apologizing properly.
And yet, he was telling him not to go. To question with what nerve he was going without any clear reason. It wasn’t like Myeong-hui.
Sure enough, Myeong-hui’s pupils shifted anxiously from side to side. As Do-kwon’s eyes narrowed, Myeong-hui avoided his gaze and murmured lowly.
“If I tell you not to go, then don’t go.”
“I am going.”
“You…!”
“It’s a day that happens once a year. I must go today.”
Do-kwon turned his back on Myeong-hui and immediately left the office. He heard Myeong-hui let out a piercing scream, but he paid it no mind.
Holding a large bouquet of flowers, Do-kwon entered the memorial park. The sprawling park was cold and desolate. The atmosphere was quite different from where Eun-soo was buried. Perhaps the young Eun-soo, busy handling various matters, had impulsively decided to place his parents in an old site that was closest to Seoul.
Do-kwon let out a long sigh. He felt it was a relief that Eun-soo wasn’t in a place like this, yet he also felt that this wasn’t right…
Do-kwon had hoped to bury Eun-soo with his parents. However, it didn’t happen.
Immediately after Eun-soo died, Do-kwon had been completely out of it. He spent days beating his chest and crying until he fainted, drifting between reality and illusion as if on drugs, and then spent several more days drowned in alcohol, by which time everything was finished.
From Eun-soo’s funeral to the settlement of his house and assets. There was nothing Do-kwon could touch. It was because Myeong-hui had handled everything in one fell swoop. Thus, Do-kwon couldn’t bring a single trace of Eun-soo from his house.
Recalling those times, Do-kwon bit his lower lip and climbed the stairs.
He entered the building and took the elevator. Eun-soo’s parents were in the charnel house. On the 3rd floor, in the second block.
After pressing the button for the 3rd floor, he took a deep breath. Looking at his own dull reflection in the elevator door, he clenched his teeth anxiously. Then, as the elevator neared its destination, he buried his nose in the bouquet.
It was just a mindless action. He wasn’t the type of lyrical person to enjoy the scent of flowers, but because he was so nervous, he had been fiddling with his tie and hair, and his gaze had simply fallen on the bouquet, leading him to smell it.
The scent of the flowers was lovely. It was a moderately glamorous and vibrant smell.
Just then, the elevator rang its arrival alarm and opened wide. Do-kwon lowered the bouquet and stepped outside. As he took a deep breath, as if centering himself…
“…….”
A familiar scent brushed the tip of his nose. Do-kwon’s feet came to a dead stop.
He blinked rapidly.
This smell…
Why is this smell here…
How could it be here…
Confusion flooded Do-kwon’s eyes. Even amidst that, he inhaled deeply. What entered through his nostrils was the scent of Eun-soo’s pheromone. Beyond the faint scent of flowers, it was definitely Eun-soo’s smell.
No matter how many years it had been since he last smelled Eun-soo, he had not loved him carelessly enough to mistake it.
Frozen stiff, Do-kwon whipped his head from side to side. Then, with flashing eyes, he began to move, following the scent.
The smell was very faint in the hallway, and it grew stronger in the first block of the charnel house. As he headed toward the second block, he felt as if the scent were moving slowly.
In other words, the source of the scent, the subject, was moving. Do-kwon stopped abruptly without realizing it.
Is it Eun-soo? If I turn this corner, could Eun-soo be there?
No, that’s impossible. That’s nonsense. Eun-soo is dead. He knew that better than anyone.
But this was definitely Eun-soo’s pheromone. It was unmistakably his.
Contradictions clashed violently. In the end, the conclusion was that both were lies. Eun-soo couldn’t be here, and this scent couldn’t be Eun-soo’s.
Then have I been possessed by a ghost? Or is some crazy person like Seong-heon mimicking Eun-soo’s pheromone?
As Do-kwon’s pupils trembled, a faint shadow emerged from the charnel house. The sound of footsteps—tap, tap—could be heard as shoe soles struck the marble floor.
As the shadow deepened, the owner of the shadow soon revealed himself. The blurry scent became sharply distinct.
A white face. Large eyes. Slightly drooping outer corners. Thick eyelashes. Caramel-colored pupils. Plump lips. Pale skin. Cheeks tinged with a peach hue.
Do-kwon’s eyes widened.
“Eun… soo?”
It was Eun-soo.
It was definitely Eun-soo.
And a perfectly fine Eun-soo. An Eun-soo who wasn’t attached to a ventilator or hooked up to an IV. An Eun-soo standing tall on two legs, dressed in a neat black suit.
The bouquet fell from Do-kwon’s hand. The lush petals trembled. He looked at Eun-soo with eyes full of surprise, horror, and a certain daze.
“…….”
Eun-soo also took a sharp breath. His already large eyes grew even larger. He seemed completely unexpected of the encounter with Do-kwon.
A heavy silence flowed. Their gazes darted back and forth haphazardly. Do-kwon was the first to regain his reason.
He had to confirm if the Eun-soo before him was the real Eun-soo. He had to know if he was dreaming, if he had gone mad with longing, or if someone was playing a cruel prank.
If it really was Eun-soo… he wanted to touch him. He wanted to stroke those soft cheeks and feel his warm body heat. He wanted to bury his nose in that beautiful nape and inhale his pheromone until his internal organs were soaked in it.
“Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon took a step closer toward Eun-soo.
“…….”
At that, Eun-soo took a step back. It was only one step, but it was clearly an escape and a rejection. Do-kwon froze stiff on the spot. Eun-soo looked up at him with cold eyes.
Silence returned. Even then, Do-kwon’s fingers moved busily, twitching. His toes hidden inside his shoes were in turmoil. His heart thrashed wildly, and the muscles in his entire body contracted. He didn’t blink for a single moment, intent on capturing Eun-soo in his sight.
It was just as Do-kwon parted his lips to call Eun-soo’s name again. Buzz, buzz, a vibration sounded. It wasn’t Do-kwon’s phone.
“…….”
Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon with the eyes of a wary prey animal and felt around the inner pocket of his jacket. He then pulled out a phone whose screen was lit up brightly.
After checking the caller, Eun-soo shifted his body slightly to the side. He swiped the call button and brought it to his ear.
“Yes, Chairman.”
“…….”
“Ah… Yes. I see. But…”
“…….”
“I’ve already met him. Mr. Do-kwon.”
Eun-soo’s voice resonated softly. It wasn’t difficult for Do-kwon to deduce who he was talking to.
It must be Myeong-hui. The person who had tried so vehemently to stop him from coming here. The person who could create a truth out of Eun-soo’s false death. She was the only one who could cover everything up without his knowledge.
But none of that mattered right now.
It was Eun-soo’s voice, heard for the first time in two years. That characteristic gentle voice, the clear pronunciation, and the way his lips rounded and then parted slightly as he said his name. Do-kwon felt a phantom sensation as if lightning had pierced him from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes.
It really is Eun-soo. It’s the real Eun-soo. Eun-soo was alive. Eun-soo is right here in front of me. An Eun-soo who speaks and emits pheromones is not an illusion, but a reality.
He was so happy by that fact that he wouldn’t have any regrets even if he died right now.
No, no. That wouldn’t do. He was beyond grateful that he hadn’t died yet. Every morning he woke up, he had to suppress suicidal urges while feeling a world without Eun-soo. If he had just died, he wouldn’t have been able to savor this moment.
As Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo with an expression like a child riding a carousel for the first time—a mixture of slight fear, joy, and ecstasy—Eun-soo held out the phone from a distance.
“……Take it.”
“…….”
It was the first low-toned voice ever directed at Do-kwon. It was only three syllables, but it felt like an absolute command or a glorious revelation from a god. So, he took the phone without a word. In the process, he harbored the shameless hope that their fingertips might touch for a split second, but unfortunately, no such miracle occurred.
Keeping his gaze fixed on Eun-soo, Do-kwon slowly brought the phone to his ear. Then, in a somewhat floating voice, he signaled that he had answered the call.
“Yes, Mother.”
Come back. Don’t say anything to Eun-soo, don’t even look at him, just come back right now.
“…….”
The Eun-soo you knew is dead. What you’re seeing now isn’t Eun-soo. So…
Listening to Myeong-hui’s shrill words, Do-kwon simply lowered the phone. Myeong-hui’s voice grew distant.
“…….”
At the ominous aura emanating from Do-kwon, Eun-soo faltered and stepped backward. Do-kwon saw him, yet he did not approach further. He knew well that he had no right to approach him.
How could he approach Eun-soo, who had wanted to escape him even in death, and who, unable to die, had fled from him even to the point of creating a fake death?
Do-kwon looked down at the phone. Under the name [Chairman], the call time was ticking up. He pressed the end call button and cut it off.
He felt Eun-soo catch his breath. Fear clouded those pretty eyes. Witnessing this, a bittersweet smile bloomed on Do-kwon’s lips.
“Mother told me not to even look at you.”
“…….”
“Sorry. I don’t think I can do that.”
At the brazen apology followed by the denial, Eun-soo’s face turned cold. Yet, even that Eun-soo was so beautiful. Do-kwon stared at him, entranced, like a visitor admiring a renowned masterpiece.
An unintended silence flowed. This time, Eun-soo moved first. With his lips pressed tight, he strode past Do-kwon. Though it was only for a moment, the scent of his pheromones swept over Do-kwon intensely as the distance closed.
The scent was so stimulating, so excessively ecstatic, that Do-kwon almost lost strength in his legs and collapsed like an idiot.
While Do-kwon stood there dazed, Eun-soo crossed the long hallway and reached the elevator. However, the elevator Do-kwon had arrived in had already moved to the first floor. Eun-soo rapidly tapped the button.
Do-kwon caught up to him in a few strides with his long legs. As Eun-soo drew closer second by second, he gnawed on his lower lip. Then, he pivoted and began heading toward the stairs.
“Eun-soo. Wait a moment.”
Do-kwon, who had suddenly closed the gap behind him, tried to stop him with his voice.
“…….”
However, Eun-soo didn’t give Do-kwon a single glance. He stared stubbornly at the winding stairs.
“Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon called out to him again, moving along with him.
That was all he could do. That was all he was allowed to do.
He could have grabbed him as many times as he wanted, but he feared that if he laid a hand on him, Eun-soo would hate him even more. He was also afraid that he might be a hallucination. He couldn’t do anything else, fearing that the moment he touched him, Eun-soo might crumble like powder.
While Do-kwon gazed longingly at the back of Eun-soo’s head, the two of them had already reached the parking lot of the memorial park. Eun-soo took the car keys out of his coat pocket and aimed them toward a spot in the air. Soon, with a beep-beep sound, the headlights of a sleek car in the distance flashed.
Do-kwon’s eyes flashed along with them.
He had never seen that sleek, dark gray sedan before. The car Eun-soo drove before the accident wasn’t like that—no, wait. The fact that Eun-soo drove at all was surprising. Eun-soo hadn’t been able to drive since the accident. He couldn’t even take the bus or a taxi, so hadn’t he commuted by subway? Then why…
“Eun-soo. How do you have a car…?”
At Do-kwon’s blurred question, Eun-soo’s footsteps, which had been heading steadily toward the car, stopped. He whipped around and looked at Do-kwon with cold eyes.
“I can ride now. Since I’m not afraid of dying, that little trauma is nothing.”
“Ah…”
Thank goodness. You’re not afraid of cars anymore. I’m so glad. He wanted to say that, but he couldn’t because the reason Eun-soo had overcome that fear was too painful.
Not afraid of dying. Indeed, there was no way someone who had slit their own wrists would fear death. It was a natural conclusion, yet his heart throbbed. Eun-soo’s words were synonymous with the meaning that he could die at any moment if things went south.
While Do-kwon stood there blankly like a fool again, Eun-soo flung the car door open. Do-kwon hurriedly scrambled to stand behind him. Then, he gripped the open car door tightly. He couldn’t touch Eun-soo, but he could grip the car as much as he wanted.
Because of this, the car door stopped halfway through opening.
“Let go.”
Eun-soo glared at Do-kwon with eyes as sharp as a blade. In contrast, Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo with desperate eyes.
“U-Eun-soo… Have you, have you eaten? Or maybe some coffee…?”
At the stuttering, half-witted words Do-kwon offered, Eun-soo let out a short, mocking laugh. The air escaping through his teeth created a white puff of breath. Do-kwon watched it with hazy eyes. He wanted to freeze the world for a moment. And he wanted to lick every bit of that breath Eun-soo had exhaled.
How sweet would it be? How ecstatic?
While Do-kwon sold his soul to these sinister imaginations, Eun-soo slowly closed and opened his eyes. Then, he looked at Do-kwon with eyes that had grown even colder than before.
“You know what day it is today, right? No. You probably came here because you know.”
“…….”
“Do you really think I want to sit across from you, Do-kwon, and eat a meal on the anniversary of my parents’ death?”
Eun-soo spoke, clipping his sentences. At that, Do-kwon’s lips parted slightly.
“Ah… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Because his entire focus was on Eun-soo, he had completely forgotten where he was and how he had met Eun-soo. Do-kwon let go of the car door and took a step back. Eun-soo slid into the driver’s seat. Then, he suddenly reached out toward Do-kwon.
Do-kwon swallowed hard as he looked at the hand with a white palm and pale pink fingertips, but Eun-soo spoke in a sharp voice.
“Phone.”
“…….”
“Give me my phone.”
With a short “ah,” Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo’s phone in his hand. It had been vibrating repeatedly for a while; Myeong-hui was calling incessantly. His own phone in his chest pocket was also vibrating in turn. He would likely be severely scolded once he returned.
Do-kwon twirled Eun-soo’s phone in his large palm. Then, he gripped it tightly.
“…No.”
At the denial delivered in a low voice, Eun-soo’s eyes widened. It was a look that asked what kind of crazy bastard he was.
“…What did you say?”
“I don’t want to give it back, Eun-soo.”
“You really are…”
“I’ll give it to you… the next time we meet.”
He had to create an excuse to see Eun-soo somehow. As Eun-soo had said, today was the anniversary of his parents’ death, and it would be rude to hold him any longer, so he had to promise a next time.
There was no way Eun-soo, who had been hiding beneath the guise of death, would agree to meet him. Therefore, he had to leave a possibility of meeting Eun-soo again, even if it meant doing something this petty.
“…….”
Eun-soo stared at Do-kwon. Then, as if he had read Do-kwon’s intentions, he snapped his head away.
“…I don’t need it. I can just buy a new one.”
How much does a phone even cost? Muttering to himself, he slammed the car door shut. Do-kwon’s reflection appeared in the darkly tinted window. Soon, the car let out the sound of its engine. Then, it drove away, leaving Do-kwon behind.
“…….”
Do-kwon stood there, staring blankly as Eun-soo’s car receded. More accurately, he stared at the license plate of the receding car. Once the car had completely disappeared, he stared vacantly at the tire tracks Eun-soo had left behind. Still doubting if he had been dreaming, he looked at the tire tracks over and over again, like a detective investigating a crime scene.
Then, large snowflakes began to pour down over Do-kwon’s head. The snowflakes covered all the tire tracks Eun-soo had left and piled up softly on Do-kwon’s shoulders.
Around then, Do-kwon realized that he hadn’t been dreaming—that Eun-soo was truly alive.
The corners of Do-kwon’s mouth curled up in a foolish grin.
* * *
Do-kwon returned to the company late at night. In his heart, he wanted to immediately know where Eun-soo lived, what Eun-soo did, what Eun-soo ate, Eun-soo, Eun-soo, Eun-soo… He wanted to know everything related to Eun-soo, but there was a reason he had gone to the memorial park first. He believed that took priority.
Looking at the neatly lined nameplates of Eun-soo’s parents, Do-kwon spoke softly.
That he was sorry. That he was truly sorry for hurting Eun-soo.
But because he was a bastard no different from a demon, he couldn’t give up on Eun-soo even after coming this far. Now that he had met Eun-soo like this, he would reclaim the spot by Eun-soo’s side no matter what.
In the meantime, he would apologize to Eun-soo by kneeling and begging, rolling in the mud, and walking on a path of thorns. Until Eun-soo permitted it, he wouldn’t breathe a single breath of peace. There would be no eating his fill, no sleeping comfortably with his legs stretched out.
He said he would live solely for Eun-soo. He said he would absolutely make Eun-soo happy.
He didn’t know how they reacted. They probably felt anger and indignation. Even so, Do-kwon didn’t care. Even if they were truly alive and had pointed a knife at him or strangled him, he would not give up on being by Eun-soo’s side.
Upon entering the company, Do-kwon went up to the Chairman’s office instead of the Director’s office. The busy secretaries widened their eyes when they spotted Do-kwon. They had likely been scrambling to find the whereabouts of Do-kwon and Eun-soo, who had been unreachable, so they must have been surprised that the party in question appeared so abruptly.
Do-kwon twisted his neck widely to loosen his stiff muscles. Then, knock knock. After knocking on the door of the Chairman’s office, he flung the door open before Myeong-hui could answer.
Holding a phone, Myeong-hui was pacing around the office, biting her lip. She didn’t seem to notice Do-kwon had entered. Seeing that Eun-soo’s phone in his left inner pocket was vibrating, it seemed she was calling Eun-soo.
“Mother.”
Do-kwon called Myeong-hui in his characteristic low voice. At that, Myeong-hui snapped her head around. Her bloodshot eyes shrank for a moment, and then a flame-like rage surged.
“You… You! What did you do to Eun-soo!”
“What could I possibly do to Eun-soo?”
Anyone listening would think I’d eaten him alive.
Do-kwon replied nonchalantly and sat on the sofa. Then, Myeong-hui approached him, huffing. Around her, the pheromones characteristic of a Dominant Alpha exploded like thorns or fireworks.
“Eun-soo isn’t answering the phone!”
At those words, Do-kwon slightly pulled a phone out of his inner pocket and then put it back.
“I have Eun-soo’s phone.”
His expression was indifferent and his voice lacked inflection, as if he were giving a quarterly report. Myeong-hui took a deep breath. The back of her head went cold, and the chill pulled down to her spine. She felt as if her veins and tendons were stretching tight like rubber bands.
“…You, you crazy bastard! Crazy bastard!”
Myeong-hui grabbed a teacup from the table and hurled it at Do-kwon. Do-kwon slightly shifted his face to the side to avoid it. The teacup flew straight into the wall, but the tea drenched Do-kwon’s face. Perhaps because it had been sitting out for a long time, the cold tea wasn’t particularly threatening.
Do-kwon rubbed his face with his broad palm. In the past, he would have just taken the hit, but not anymore. To be precise, not on his face. He didn’t know when or where he might meet Eun-soo. From now on, he had to maintain a neat appearance always, at all times. He had to look good for Eun-soo.
Do-kwon frowned irritably as he looked at his damp hand.
“Why are you the one getting angry, Mother? If anyone should be angry, it’s me.”
“What?”
“You know how I’ve lived for the past two years. You should be the one feeling sorry. You saw how tragic and gloomy those two years were, enduring them without Eun-soo. Why are you the one angry? I’m the one whose grief was exploited.”
Do you know how much of a hell I lived in? Longing for Eun-soo, regretting that he couldn’t apologize properly, cursing the God who had made him and Eun-soo like this by putting a hole in his head instead of just killing him in the car accident… how he had endured each day.
To have watched all that and deceived him so perfectly for two years. Why. Why on earth. Do-kwon could not understand Myeong-hui at all.
“Why did you do it? Why on earth!”
Do-kwon glared at Myeong-hui with bloodshot eyes. Myeong-hui stared quietly at her son, who was radiating madness beyond mere anger. Then, she slumped down on the sofa opposite Do-kwon.
“Then should I have just left Eun-soo like that?”
“Left him like that?”
At Myeong-hui’s words, which were strangely off-context, one of Do-kwon’s eyebrows shot up crookedly. Myeong-hui corrected herself.
“Back then. What do you think would have happened if Eun-soo, who had slit his wrists, had miraculously opened his eyes?”
“Well, obviously…”
“An idiot like you would have just been happy. Because Eun-soo survived.”
“…….”
It was a strange thing to say. If Eun-soo had opened his eyes, it should have been a cause for joy; how could that be an “idiotic” thing? Do-kwon kept his mouth shut and looked at Myeong-hui. It was to hear her defense, the reason she had “killed” Eun-soo. Because the mother he knew was not someone who handled things carelessly or clumsily.
“But can you be certain that Eun-soo, having opened his eyes like that, wouldn’t have slit his wrists again?”
“…Excuse me?”
“Do you think everyone would have just become happy from that point on, and that you and Eun-soo would have become a lovely couple again?”
“…….”
“Eun-soo is a smart child. He probably wouldn’t have slit his wrists next time. He might have stabbed his throat, jumped from a high place, or thrown himself in front of a speeding train instead of a car.”
At those words, Do-kwon gasped. The examples Myeong-hui listed were imagined too vividly. It was because he had already seen Eun-soo covered in blood with his own two eyes.
As Do-kwon rubbed his face harshly to steady his breathing, Myeong-hui snapped at him fiercely.
“Then what about you? And me? What would we have done? We would have taken the broken and shattered Eun-soo and operated on him again to attach, patch, and sew him back together.”
“…….”
“We would have stubbornly kept Eun-soo alive, shedding tears while watching a child who could barely breathe, relying on a ventilator.”
“…….”
“Is that right? Huh? Is that right? I’m asking if it’s right for Eun-soo to live like that!”
“…….”
“If you are by Eun-soo’s side, Eun-soo has to keep hurting. You, watching that, wouldn’t be whole either, and eventually, both of you… both of you would have reached the end. Was I supposed to just stand by and watch that happen?”
Not a single word was wrong. Eun-soo had truly desired death desperately, and she had brought him back to life without his permission. Perhaps to Eun-soo, that was… another form of violence.
Does that make sense? That living is violence? That he had made Eun-soo that way? That he was the one who pushed Eun-soo into that terrible abyss?
That he was Eun-soo’s hell.
Do-kwon let his head hang. Then, he covered his eyelids entirely with one hand.
“Ugh…”
A suppressed sob escaped through his clenched teeth. His lower lip trembled.
Even when Eun-soo was dead, he had felt the self-loathing that his death was entirely his fault, but the fact that a living Eun-soo was hurting because of him was a completely different matter.
How unfair it must have felt. How sad. How suffocating it must have been to live hidden beneath a fake death.
Do-kwon’s face was distorted to the limit. Myeong-hui quickly moved to sit beside him. Then, she gripped her son’s hand tightly with both of hers and spoke earnestly.
“Do-kwon.”
“…….”
“Eun-soo… it hasn’t even been a year since he was discharged from the hospital. It hasn’t even been a year since he lived without you.”
Eun-soo had spent several months treating the slit wrists, and several more months recovering the bones and muscles broken in the car accident. After that, he had been in a nursing hospital. It was called a nursing hospital, but it was a psychiatric ward, and Eun-soo had to learn the will to live there.
Myeong-hui, watching from a distance, had to feel a level of sympathy and apology that words could not express. Fearing that he might project Do-kwon onto her, she hadn’t even appeared before him. Occasionally, after enduring it, she would have a short phone call; that was all.
She had barely managed to bring Eun-soo, after all that treatment, back into society. He was just starting to settle in. She had not the slightest intention of dragging him back down into that abyss of pain.
“Let’s just, just live like we did yesterday. I’ll pretend I don’t know, and you forget. Eun-soo is dead. We are now people who have nothing to do with Eun-soo.”
“…….”
“So let’s let Eun-soo live alone. Okay?”
At Myeong-hui’s earnest persuasion, Do-kwon snapped his head up. Stubbornness and obsession swirled in his bloodshot eyes.
“Mother.”
“…….”
“I can’t give up on Eun-soo.”
“…Seo Do-kwon.”
“I can’t give up. Really… I can’t give up. I can’t live without Eun-soo…”
Do-kwon shook his head. He knew Eun-soo was alive and well. To be told to forget that. The beautiful image he saw today was still lingering before his eyes like an afterimage. To pretend he hadn’t seen it. That was impossible. From the moment he met Eun-soo five years ago, everything in his life converged to zero if Eun-soo was removed.
During the two years Eun-soo was dead, he lived for the two hours he spent sprawled in front of his gravestone. But now that he knew Eun-soo was alive, that gravestone was nothing more than a piece of rock.
Do-kwon didn’t need a piece of rock; he needed Eun-soo.
As Do-kwon’s eyes grew sharper, Myeong-hui spoke firmly once more.
“You can’t, Do-kwon. You can’t.”
At those words, Do-kwon slowly turned his head to look at Myeong-hui. The corners of his eyes, which had been dripping tears, were now dry. Do-kwon spoke gloomily with cold eyes.
“I don’t need your permission, Mother. I know Eun-soo is alive, and I will track his whereabouts no matter what I have to do. No matter how you hide him, I will definitely find him.”
“You!”
“Eun-soo will have to spend his whole life running away from me. Trembling with anxiety over whether I’ve found his house, wearing a hat when he leaves the house, and constantly looking back to see if I’m following him. Would that really be a happy life?”
“…You crazy bastard.”
Horrified, Myeong-hui let go of Do-kwon’s hand as if throwing it away. With a sly face, Do-kwon twisted his throbbing wrist.
“Yes. I am crazy. If Eun-soo isn’t by my side, I’ll go crazy anyway. What does it matter if I go crazy a little early?”
The voice that flowed out without inflection sounded exactly like a robot. As Myeong-hui bit her lower lip, Do-kwon looked at her with calmly sunken eyes.
“Mother. Just watch me for one year—no, half a year. See how much I love Eun-soo. See how much I cherish him.”
“……I don’t care how you do it. Whether you cherish him or love him, what matters is whether Eun-soo is in a state where he can fully accept it.”
“I know Eun-soo well. And I know his weaknesses very well, too.”
“…….”
“Eun-soo will come to accept me.”
The corners of Do-kwon’s mouth curled up in a smirk. Myeong-hui was lost for words, her lips merely fluttering. Regardless of her state, Do-kwon rose from the sofa with a look of grim determination.
There was no more time to waste. He had to prepare to welcome Eun-soo—to prepare to take him back. Myeong-hui wouldn’t have been able to hide Eun-soo’s tracks that clumsily. It would likely take some time to find him.
With long strides, Do-kwon marched out of the Chairman’s office. He flung the door open, but stopped halfway, turning his shoulder back. Then, addressing the back of Myeong-hui’s head, he offered a sincere word of thanks.
“Mother. Thank you… for keeping Eun-soo alive.”
“…….”
At those words, Myeong-hui could neither affirm nor deny.
Do-kwon went straight down to the Director’s office. He roughly loosened his tie, which was damp from the tea Myeong-hui had thrown at him, and unbuttoned a few buttons of his dress shirt. As he stepped off the elevator, the secretarial staff stared at him with wide eyes. Much like Myeong-hui’s staff, they had likely been searching for his whereabouts and were surprised by his appearance.
Do-kwon walked through their gazes with an expressionless face. Secretary Jeong quickly hurried to his side.
“Director. Did something happen?”
“Something happen?”
“The Chairman’s secretaries came by and were making a huge fuss, demanding we locate you immediately… I never thought I’d be tracking the Director’s phone location in my entire life.”
Secretary Jeong hurriedly recounted the events of the past few hours. Holding the doorknob of the Director’s office, Do-kwon stared intently at him.
“So. Did you?”
“Pardon?”
“Did you track my location?”
“Ah, of course I did.”
“……Of course you did?”
“As it happened, your location popped up right here, at our company. So I was just about to report it to the Chairman’s office when you appeared.”
What a coincidence. Secretary Jeong said, raising his eyebrows as if genuinely surprised. To illegally track his direct superior’s location and even attempt to report it to the higher-ups—he was utterly shameless. Judging by his expression, he didn’t seem to think he had done anything wrong.
“……Does Secretary Jeong have no loyalty at all?”
Do-kwon asked, sounding incredulous. In response, Secretary Jeong looked back at Do-kwon as if he were the strange one, his expression saying, ‘How could you misunderstand me like that!’
“Why wouldn’t I? I like you a lot, Director. But I’m just a bit more loyal to the Chairman.”
“Ha……?”
“How should I put it… I’m like a soldier who is loyal to his general, but ultimately, the end of that loyalty is the King…”
Secretary Jeong stroked under his chin, his eyes narrowing slyly. Do-kwon let out a hollow laugh. He started to say something, but decided nothing would change regardless, and ended up just shaking his head. Opening the door to the office, Do-kwon tilted his head toward the inside.
“Follow me.”
“……Are you going to scold me?”
“No. Why would I scold you? Even if I did, would you just take it?”
“No way. I’d go straight to the Chairman and tattle. Power abuse, human rights violations, Beta discrimination, things like that.”
Secretary Jeong widened his eyes, tugging at the hem of his suit jacket. Do-kwon twisted his lips crookedly. Honestly, what a nuisance. Clicking his tongue, Do-kwon whispered in a voice small enough for only Secretary Jeong to hear.
“Eun-soo is alive.”
“……What?”
Secretary Jeong’s jaw dropped.
* * *
Sitting on the living room sofa, Do-kwon stared at Eun-soo’s phone until dawn. The phone, smooth and without a single scratch, was as good as new. Not just on the outside, but on the inside as well.
Do-kwon squeezed his dry eyes shut and then opened them. He recalled the phone call from Secretary Jeong a few hours ago.
‘Team Leader Yoo, I checked for the death certificate. Yes. As expected, there is no record.’
Eun-soo hadn’t died on paper either. There were simply no traces of his existence. No matter how crazy he was for Eun-soo, he wasn’t such a psychopath that he would pull the death certificate of a lover whose funeral he had already attended just to confirm it with his own eyes.
He had wondered why the funeral home felt so empty. He had absentmindedly thought that Myeong-hui might have conducted it in secret due to complicated circumstances. But it was all just a play.
A meticulously crafted, dark play with Do-kwon as the sole audience.
Do-kwon let out a long sigh through his nose and recalled Secretary Jeong’s next words.
‘The phone was registered under one of the Chairman’s secretaries. The call charges were deducted from the Chairman’s personal account.’
‘The subscriber’s address and contact information were all fake. Well… I could get an answer if I went and grilled the secretary who lent the name, but I wonder if it would be that easy….’
‘For now, I’ll try to track his whereabouts using the license plate of Team Leader Yoo’s car, which was spotted at the memorial park. I’ve confirmed that he has currently left Seoul.’
Twelve full hours had passed since he met Eun-soo, yet he had found nothing.
Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo’s phone again.
The address book contained only the numbers for Myeong-hui and Ki-ho, and a few of Eun-soo’s distant relatives. In total, there were fewer than five people. The call history was equally meager. He had spoken with the people in the address book, but the intervals were very long. They barely exchanged a couple of calls a month.
The email app wasn’t even logged in, and common messenger apps weren’t installed. Eun-soo had been living a life completely devoid of communication.
Do-kwon tapped and scrolled through various apps. The notepad was empty, and there were only a few photos in the gallery, all of which were pictures of paintings. A painting bathed in a soft golden light against a white wall looked as if it had been taken personally at an exhibition.
Finding the painting wasn’t difficult. It wasn’t a world-famous piece, but it was by an artist regarded as quite skilled. There were currently three exhibition locations: one in Seoul and two in the provinces. Since they weren’t solo exhibitions and the distances were far, it was difficult to track Eun-soo’s whereabouts through them.
Ah, but he had managed to salvage something from the message inbox. There were trivial advertisements, card transaction alerts, occasional messages from Myeong-hui or Ki-ho asking if he had eaten, and hospital appointment texts.
He contacted the hospital whose name was clearly written in the message immediately, but since it was late at night, he couldn’t get any information. He tried searching the patient list through illegal routes, but found nothing related to Eun-soo. Myeong-hui had likely hidden him under another name again.
The only thing he gained was the card payment history. Payment records registered under someone else’s name, not Eun-soo’s.
[/Web Message/
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EE Convenience Store_Gyeonggi Branch]
“Gyeonggi-do….”
Do-kwon murmured the region’s name softly. He had a rough idea of where Eun-soo was. He felt relieved that it wasn’t in some remote mountain valley or overseas and that it wasn’t too far from Seoul, but at the same time, he felt overwhelmed.
There were countless houses in Gyeonggi-do. Finding the exact place where Eun-soo was would certainly not be easy. The only way to narrow the range was the convenience store, the gallery exhibiting the painting from Eun-soo’s photos, and the area around the mart. How long would it take to find Eun-soo with this? What if Myeong-hui hid him somewhere else in the meantime?
One of Do-kwon’s legs trembled restlessly. Gripping Eun-soo’s phone tightly while staring at the high ceiling, Do-kwon couldn’t take it anymore and bolted upright.
He had to go himself. Even if his feet blistered, he had to find Eun-soo, even if it meant knocking on every single door in that area.
By the time Do-kwon arrived in Gyeonggi-do, it was well past 9 AM. The fierce cold characteristic of a winter morning slapped his cheeks mercilessly. Despite that, Do-kwon moved forward without blinking.
First, he went to the convenience store. People generally go to the one closest to their home. Unless they lived on the outskirts of a village, they wouldn’t go through the trouble of driving to a distant one.
Do-kwon gave a brief greeting to the employee who was staring blankly at the POS system and showed him Eun-soo’s photo. The employee squinted at the photo for a long time before replying that he didn’t know him.
Do-kwon had fully expected such an answer. Customers don’t stay in a convenience store for an hour or two; at most, they stay for five or ten minutes. Looking at the payment history, it didn’t seem like Eun-soo visited every day. There was no way the employee would have memorized his face.
It was only natural, yet he couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment.
Next, he planned to visit the gallery where the painting was exhibited. The gallery he found online was very small. It was about the size of a cozy cafe, exhibiting a dozen or so pieces; it seemed the owner, who owned several buildings nearby, ran it as a hobby.
Getting into the car, Do-kwon entered the gallery’s location into the navigation. As he pressed start and ignited the engine, the navigation announced clearly:
You have arrived near your destination.
Do-kwon flinched and slowly raised his head. He checked where the destination icon was blinking on the navigation and looked out the window. The gallery was sitting right there, directly across the street.
Rather than driving around to get to the other side, Do-kwon decided to cross the crosswalk and go straight. He thought that would be faster.
Standing before the crosswalk, Do-kwon stared intently at the gallery with its white sign.
On a bleak winter morning, the gallery was brightly lit despite the early hour. A modest yet luxurious golden light flowed softly through the floor-to-ceiling windows. And inside, a figure smaller than a pinky finger was moving busily.
The person was wearing a thick white knit sweater and jeans, and since they were holding a broom, they didn’t look like a customer.
“…….”
Do-kwon swallowed hard. It was a very small figure. He couldn’t even see the face, let alone distinguish if it was a man or a woman. Yet, Do-kwon recognized who that figure was instantly. It was impossible not to. It would have been stranger not to recognize the person he had been searching for so desperately and earnestly.
Do-kwon waited anxiously for the crosswalk light to change. Though it was less than five minutes at most, it felt as long and tedious as half a day.
During that time, Do-kwon stared across the street without blinking once. He felt as if the figure would suddenly vanish if he closed his eyes for a moment or looked away for even a split second.
How many times had Do-kwon’s heel tapped the ground? The red signal turned into a bright green light. Without even glancing around, Do-kwon sprinted forward faster than anyone else standing at the crosswalk.
Do-kwon reached the front of the gallery in a single breath. And the moment he confirmed the person inside, he almost burst into tears right there in the street.
It was Eun-soo. It really was Eun-soo. He had worried that he was seeing things because of his desperation, or that he was believing a hallucination to be reality. He had been terrified that seeing Eun-soo at the memorial park yesterday was just a dream.
Eun-soo was truly alive.
He felt he might not be able to believe it easily even in the future. Therefore, he had to check and re-check every single moment. He felt that only by keeping him right by his side, taking him in with his eyes whenever he felt anxious, and touching him with both hands could he extinguish this anxiety.
Do-kwon swallowed hard. Fearing he might meet Eun-soo, he brushed off his neatly dressed coat and tightened his tie firmly. He smoothed his hair, which had been ruffled by the cold wind, and cleared his raspy throat.
Do-kwon took short, deep breaths—hu, ha, hu, ha. With every breath, white puffs of air escaped from between his lips.
After fussing for a while, Do-kwon opened the gallery door. A small bell rang—ting. And then,
“Welcome.”
Eun-soo’s sweet voice greeted Do-kwon. The voice was so enchanting that Do-kwon froze on the spot, rendering all his previous mental preparation useless.
Seeing the motionless customer, Eun-soo, who had been sweeping, straightened his back. Then he spotted the customer—no, Do-kwon.
“…….”
Eun-soo’s eyes widened. The broom slipped from his hand with a clatter.
“Do, Do-kwon?””
“Eun-soo.”
“How, how are you….”
Eun-soo stepped back hesitantly. His eyes scanned Do-kwon busily. Much like Do-kwon had, he seemed to be trying to discern whether this situation was reality or a dream. Though he was likely trying to discern it in a very different sense than Do-kwon, regardless.
Do-kwon took two large strides toward Eun-soo. Because the interior was narrow, he reached Eun-soo with just those few steps. Do-kwon personally bent down to pick up the broom Eun-soo had dropped. Then, he carefully leaned it against the wall.
Eun-soo cleaning. He didn’t like it at all, but he had no right to comment on such things right now.
Do-kwon straightened up again and looked at Eun-soo. A narrow space. A close distance. Thanks to that, he could feel Eun-soo’s scent more comfortably. It was similar yet different from when they met at the memorial park.
As Do-kwon stared silently at Eun-soo, Eun-soo, who had been on guard like a hedgehog with its quills up, took a short, sharp breath. Then, pretending to be unfazed, he turned away and began organizing some pamphlets.
“You couldn’t have come all the way here just to buy a painting. If you came to see me, please go back. I have no intention of meeting you, Mr. Do-kwon.
The corners of Do-kwon’s mouth twitched. Every time his name came out of Eun-soo’s mouth, an oblivious smile kept bubbling up. Eun-soo would treat him like a madman if he saw it. Do-kwon quickly covered his mouth with his hand to press down the smile. Then, he spoke in a calm voice.
“……I came to give you your phone.”
“I don’t need it. I’m going to buy a new one today.”
“I’ll give it to you. I brought it.”
Do-kwon pulled Eun-soo’s phone out of his coat pocket for him to see. Eun-soo glanced at it, then quickly looked away again.
“……Then just leave it and go.”
“…….”
At Eun-soo’s words, Do-kwon didn’t answer, nor did he move. If he had come to give it, he should have just given it and left, but his hesitation suggested he had no intention of giving it up easily. Eun-soo scoffed. Figures.
“If you don’t intend to give it, then leave. I have to work. I have to clean, and manage the paintings….”
“Where do you live now? Do you live alone?”
“……What?”
Eun-soo’s eyes widened at the sudden personal interrogation. The confusion was brief, and soon a faint sense of disgust clouded Eun-soo’s eyes. To ask such a question, in such a manner, at a time like this. He wondered if Do-kwon had become a half-wit over the last two years.
Do-kwon realized his mistake a beat late. In his haste, a stupid sentence had escaped his lips before he could filter it. Licking his dry lips, Do-kwon took half a step closer to Eun-soo and asked again.
“No, no, that’s not it…. Have you eaten breakfast?”
“…….”
“When is your lunch break? Let’s have lunch together. I’ll buy you something delicious.”
At those words, Eun-soo let out a hollow laugh. Buying him something delicious. He wasn’t some shameless person coaxing a child. Long ago, when they were building their relationship, he might have been tempted. But not now.
Eun-soo snapped his head away. Not stopping there, he walked past Do-kwon toward a painting hanging some distance away.
“I’m not eating lunch.”
“Then dinner….”
“I won’t eat dinner either.”
I don’t want to eat with you. I’d rather starve. Eun-soo shook his head concisely. While doing so, he repeatedly touched a painting that was already hanging straight. Seeing this, Do-kwon bit his lower lip hard. He was anxious. He was frantic. He felt like stomping his feet in frustration.
“Eun-soo, please.”
Do-kwon followed behind Eun-soo, pleading desperately. His trembling voice was truly pathetic. Eun-soo frowned deeply. He looked back at Do-kwon and spoke irritably.
“I said I don’t want to, so why do you keep….”
However, Eun-soo had to stop mid-sentence and shut his mouth. It was because Do-kwon’s expression was ominous. A deep shadow had fallen over Do-kwon’s eyes. His mouth was firmly shut in a straight line, and his pupils were darker than usual.
And above all, the pheromones emanating in a slow, heavy wave pricked at Eun-soo’s skin. It had been a long time since he had encountered an Alpha’s pheromones.
During the time he lived hidden under a false death, Eun-soo had hardly had any contact with Alphas. It was a deliberate avoidance.
After waking from his coma and completing his physical treatment, he had stayed at a convalescent hospital for the sake of his mental health, and it was exclusively for Omegas. The doctors, too, were either Betas or Omegas.
Furthermore, the reason Eun-soo had settled in this area, where he had absolutely no connections, was because of Alphas. Myeong-hui had pointed out a region where not many Alphas lived through various means.
That was why Do-kwon’s pheromones felt so vivid and overwhelming as they hit him. Eun-soo instinctively took a step back. Noticing this—noticing Eun-soo’s fear—Do-kwon took a large step back himself.
“Don’t run away. I won’t come closer. I won’t even touch you if you hate it.”
“…….”
“I just… came because I wanted to see you. Because I couldn’t believe that you were alive.”
It was a quiet monologue. A brief silence followed those words. Only the faint sound of classical music drifting from the gallery lingered aimlessly around the two of them.
Eun-soo stared silently at Do-kwon’s damp, sunken face. After biting the inside of his cheek and letting go, Eun-soo’s lips parted.
“Then you’ve achieved your purpose. I’m alive. I’m not perfectly healthy, but I’m well enough to work a modest part-time job like this. So….”
“Let’s have lunch together.”
Do-kwon repeated the same words like a parrot. Eun-soo closed his eyes tight and lowered his head. Ah, fuck. It had been a long time since a curse had tickled the roof of his mouth. His fists were clenched tight.
As Eun-soo’s shoulders trembled with rising anger, Do-kwon called his name in that characteristic low voice.
“Eun-soo.”
“…….”
“You know that I, who fought tooth and nail to find you and finally made it all the way here, won’t just leave quietly.”
“…….”
“Think carefully about whether it’s better to keep bickering here, or if it’s better to just say you understand and get this over with.”
It was a truly affectionate threat. Eun-soo almost seriously considered his proposal. The corners of Eun-soo’s eyes flushed red. He glared at Do-kwon with eyes shimmering with hatred.
“You are truly… the worst.”
“It’s okay. If it means I can have one meal with you, I’m capable of doing things even worse than this.”
Do-kwon said he would do even worse things without even blinking. Eun-soo let out a hollow laugh. Do-kwon was obsessive. That obsession was particularly prominent regarding things related to him. It was a fact Eun-soo knew well from their long history.
However, back then, that obsession hadn’t come in such a sharp form. It had been much softer, kinder. That was why facing him like this felt so alien.
Ah… Then again, considering that Do-kwon was still Do-kwon even when he had lost his memory, this behavior was understandable by comparison.
Eun-soo rubbed his face vigorously with both hands. As long as Do-kwon was acting like this, Eun-soo had no choice. Was he going to beat down that sturdy Dominant Alpha? Force him out of the gallery? Or throw a tantrum and call the police—who trembled before chaebols—to come and take Do-kwon away?
“At 1 o’clock… let’s have lunch.”
“Right. I’ll come back at 1.”
As if afraid Eun-soo might take it back, Do-kwon nodded quickly. Having obtained what he wanted, Do-kwon headed for the gallery door without lingering. Just as Eun-soo let out a sigh of relief, Do-kwon suddenly turned back and asked.
“Is there… anything you want to eat?”
Eun-soo’s lips twisted grotesquely. Anything I want to eat? What a ridiculously carefree question. No matter the food, there was no way he could taste it while sitting across from this man.
“I don’t know. Would you mind preparing some digestive medicine?”
Eun-soo spoke with a hint of sarcasm. Do-kwon blinked slowly a couple of times. Then, with a bittersweet smile, he nodded.
“……Alright.”
With that, Do-kwon left the gallery. Eun-soo watched him until he crossed the crosswalk and got into his car. Then, around the time Do-kwon completely vanished from sight, he exhaled the breath he had been holding as if he were retching.
As he inhaled again, Do-kwon’s pheromones were sucked into his lungs. Eun-soo abruptly covered his nose. The small gallery was saturated with Do-kwon’s scent.
Closing his eyes tight, Eun-soo slowly sank to the floor.
* * *
Do-kwon had parked his car right in front of the gallery and spent the entire time glancing inside, making Eun-soo uncomfortable. Then, as soon as it became 1 o’clock, he burst into the gallery. He had a face as urgent as a dog that desperately needed to pee.
Contrary to his bold entrance, Do-kwon stood by the door, gauging Eun-soo’s reaction. He seemed worried that Eun-soo might break the lunch appointment.
Eun-soo didn’t go out of his way to ease that worry. Since there were no customers in the gallery, there was nothing to tidy up, but he took his time looking around, gathering his keys, and adjusting the lights.
After making a fuss for a while, he leisurely put on his coat. He saw Do-kwon’s shoulders, which had been tense, suddenly drop. Cruelly, he felt a sense of satisfaction at the sight. It was a childish vengefulness, feeling as though he were screwing Do-kwon over.
When Do-kwon had lost his memory, the positions were reversed. He let out a short, mocking laugh, remembering how he used to be on edge at a single glance or tone of voice from Do-kwon.
Having put on his coat, Eun-soo looked at his scarf. He wasn’t going far, just for a quick meal, so he figured he didn’t need it.
Having finished his preparations, Eun-soo tried to brush past Do-kwon and head out the door. Then, Do-kwon subtly stepped in front of him.
“Wear your scarf. It’s cold outside.”
“…….”
Eun-soo stared up at Do-kwon. After being so cruel and heartless to him, now he was being fussy about whether a cold breeze would affect him. After a moment of silence, Eun-soo ignored Do-kwon’s concern and walked straight out of the gallery.
Do-kwon’s eyebrows twitched slightly, and he had no choice but to follow him out. Eun-soo habitually locked the gallery door and stuffed the keys into his coat pocket.
Watching him, Do-kwon headed toward his car parked near the gallery. He opened the passenger door and waited for Eun-soo, but Eun-soo just stood there blankly looking at him, without moving.
Do-kwon’s eyelids blinked rapidly. It was an effort to gauge Eun-soo’s intention. Had he suddenly decided he hated eating with him? Or did he hate getting in the car? He thought the trauma regarding cars had disappeared; perhaps it hadn’t been fully healed.
While Do-kwon was pondering, Eun-soo suddenly turned his back. Startled, Do-kwon barely closed the car door and hurried to catch up with him.
“Eun-soo. Where are you going?”
“To eat.”
At those words, Do-kwon’s dark, dead expression brightened considerably. It seemed Eun-soo had a restaurant he wanted to go to. For Do-kwon, this was welcome news. From early morning until 1 o’clock, he had agonized to the point of a mental cramp, unable to choose a menu suitable for Eun-soo.
He knew the foods and restaurants Eun-soo liked well enough to list them all day. However, they were all in Seoul. He couldn’t take Eun-soo that far.
Of course, for him, it would be great since he could spend even a little more time with Eun-soo, but there was no way Eun-soo wouldn’t notice such a scheme. The moment he realized they were heading toward Seoul, he would likely jump out of the car the second it stopped at a red light.
So, he had searched his phone almost to the point of breaking it, wondering what decent restaurants were in Gyeonggi-do. A restaurant in a famous hotel would be fine, but how long would it take from here? What was today’s menu?
And yet, Eun-soo was personally deciding the menu and even showing him the way to the restaurant. Do-kwon felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders.
Eun-soo crossed the unfamiliar neighborhood with familiarity. The neighborhood, lined with houses and low-rise mansions, didn’t look particularly nice. It seemed like it would be dark at night, the asphalt and sidewalk blocks were old and grayish-black, and the utility poles were covered in all sorts of illegal flyers.
Do-kwon’s lips twisted in disapproval. Why on earth did Myeong-hui put Eun-soo in a place like this…? No matter how much he wanted to hide him from Do-kwon, wasn’t this too much?
As if he were a bodyguard protecting Eun-soo, Do-kwon busily looked around, and then Eun-soo stepped into a restaurant. Do-kwon, who was about to follow him in unconsciously, flinched.
The restaurant Eun-soo entered was… well, it was a restaurant, but not the kind Do-kwon had imagined. He had imagined a restaurant, a Korean dining house, or a meat shop that didn’t smell like meat.
Worn-out wooden tables. Chairs with leather torn here and there on the seats. A faded sign. A menu with prices corrected multiple times. Stickers saying [Auntie’s Restaurant / Delivery Available / Group Orders Welcome / Card Payments Accepted] were stuck everywhere, and the walls were full of graffiti. The interior smelled musty, a mixture of all sorts of food scents.
It wasn’t dirty, but it couldn’t be called clean either. It was an atmosphere that made one reluctant to step inside.
“Welcome. Sit wherever you like.”
The owner, who looked quite elderly, greeted them without much enthusiasm. Since it was slightly past lunchtime, there were more empty bowls left by previous customers than there were actual customers in the restaurant. The owner was haphazardly stacking empty bowls mixed with food scraps on a wide silver tray.
After looking around the interior, Eun-soo found an empty table in a corner and headed toward it. Meanwhile, Do-kwon just stood there, blinking with a stupid expression.
Eun-soo looked back at him with eyes full of annoyance.
“Are you not going to eat with me?”
“No. I’ll eat. I’ll eat.”
Snapping back to his senses, Do-kwon strode quickly after Eun-soo.
Eun-soo kept the order very simple. “Two sets of the basic meal (baekban), please.” The owner nodded and shouted loudly toward the kitchen, “Two sets!” After that, she thunked a water pitcher down and busily began stacking side dish bowls with a clatter.
Eun-soo picked up a stainless steel cup placed on one side of the table. Do-kwon quickly poured water into his glass. Eun-soo stared silently at the shimmering water. As he did, his eyelashes were half-lowered, and they were so beautiful that Do-kwon ended up pouring the water until it nearly overflowed.
“Ah, sorry. Drink this.”
Do-kwon poured water into a new cup and placed it in front of Eun-soo. Eun-soo let out a faint sigh and picked up the glass.
Do-kwon again stared blankly at Eun-soo, lost in thought. No matter how much he looked, he couldn’t believe it. That Eun-soo was alive. That he was sitting across from him having a meal. Even if it was a meal achieved through words that were practically threats, Do-kwon was simply happy.
“I wanted to buy you something delicious,” Do-kwon murmured to himself.
“It’s delicious here too,” Eun-soo replied half-heartedly. Do-kwon nodded. If Eun-soo said it was delicious, then it must be a delicious place. Even if they served spoiled food, he felt he could eat it deliciously simply because Eun-soo was in front of him.
As Do-kwon grinned, Eun-soo slowly closed and opened his eyes as if exhausted. Then, he thrust his white palm out toward Do-kwon.
“Give me my phone.”
They had come to have lunch together and were now sitting face-to-face, so Eun-soo felt he had done his part. He thought it was about time he got his phone back.
“…….”
The corners of Do-kwon’s smiling mouth dropped instantly. He looked at Eun-soo with eyes mixed with suspicion and worry. It wasn’t hard for Eun-soo to know what he was worried about.
“I’m not leaving. We already ordered food; it wouldn’t be polite to just leave. Not out of politeness to you, Mr. Do-kwon, but out of politeness to the restaurant owner.”
“…….”
“I won’t run away, so give it to me. The Chairman must be worried, so I should contact him.”
Eun-soo spoke in a tone as if soothing a child. However, Do-kwon did not easily lower his guard. Fiddling with Eun-soo’s phone in his pocket, he licked his dry lips.
“After the meal is finished….”
Bang!
Eun-soo slammed his fist onto the table. A dull thud echoed.
“Ah, fuck… Mr. Do-kwon. Stop being creepy and just give it to me, now.”
Eun-soo growled.
At the sudden noise, the few customers scattered around frowned and looked at the two of them. However, neither Eun-soo nor Do-kwon cared. Eun-soo was not in a state of mind to worry about such things, and Do-kwon was stunned by this rough side of Eun-soo he was seeing for the first time.
Eun-soo let out a faint groan, “Ugh…,” and rubbed his forehead. Then he looked at Do-kwon with cold eyes.
“Give it.”
“…….”
“Now.”
“…….”
At Eun-soo’s urging, Do-kwon’s fingertips trembled. After hesitating for a moment, he reluctantly took out the phone and handed it over. He felt that if he held on any longer, Eun-soo would simply walk out. Or worse, another blood-soaked situation might unfold.
Do-kwon remembered very clearly what Myeong-hui had said yesterday.
‘He might have stabbed himself in the neck, fallen from a high place, or jumped not in front of a running car, but a running train.’
There was no law saying such a thing couldn’t happen today. That was… something that terrified even Do-kwon, who feared nothing in the world.
Eun-soo quickly snatched the phone. Then he tapped the screen rapidly. He was frowning slightly, as if writing something very intently. Thanks to that, Do-kwon could observe Eun-soo more explicitly.
Looking at his neat eyebrows, thick eyelashes, skin that seemed whiter than before, plump lips, slender jawline, and chubby earlobes, time and space once again drifted away from Do-kwon.
While staring blankly, Do-kwon suddenly stroked his coat pocket. It was the opposite pocket from where he had kept Eun-soo’s phone. He felt a rectangular phone. It wasn’t his own, but a clone of Eun-soo’s phone.
It was the first wicked thing he had done as soon as he entered the company yesterday. Cloning Eun-soo’s phone. He could steal not only Eun-soo’s location but all the messages he sent and received.
Seeing the occasional vibration, it seemed a reply had come from whoever he had messaged. Once he parted with Eun-soo, he would be able to know who he had messaged and what he had said.
Do-kwon lightly swept the roof of his mouth with his tongue.
Just then, the ordered food arrived. The female owner thunked two square silver trays down in front of Eun-soo and Do-kwon with her thick hands.
The menu composition wasn’t bad. In fact, it was quite decent. Soft tofu stew bubbling in a stone pot and roughly fried egg patties. Stuffed cucumber, seasoned mushrooms, napa cabbage kimchi, cubed radish kimchi, and even seasoned green onions—there were three types of kimchi. Braised black beans and a thick piece of hairtail fish were also served.
Having finished his message, Eun-soo put down the phone. He had unconsciously placed it on the table, but after glancing at Do-kwon, he tucked it back into his coat pocket. He was wary that Do-kwon might snatch the phone away again.
It was so cute that Do-kwon had to poke his own thigh to swallow the rising laughter.
The two—or rather, Eun-soo—began the meal. Do-kwon gazed intently at him.
Eun-soo tended to eat slowly. He chewed his rice thoroughly, ate the side dishes evenly, and since he couldn’t handle hot food well, he scooped the soft tofu into a small plate and blew on it.
Do-kwon secretly rubbed his own chest. It was moving. Eun-soo was simply eating as he always did, but it felt as if he had watched a grand opera, a historical drama with a poignant narrative, or witnessed the creation of the world with his own eyes; a deep emotion welled up.
Because of this, the laughter he had tried to swallow kept rising. As Do-kwon grinned and smirked, Eun-soo looked at him as if he were some kind of lunatic. At that, Do-kwon quickly covered his mouth.
“Sorry… I still can’t believe you’re alive….”
“…….”
“You probably hate it, but I’m shamelessly so happy. Eun-soo.”
“…….”
Eun-soo didn’t bother to answer. He simply continued his meal. He carefully scooped rice onto his spoon, ate the cooled soft tofu, and scooped up the black beans.
Watching Eun-soo, Do-kwon began to talk about his daily routine, though no one had asked. It seemed that murmuring alone in front of Eun-soo’s gravestone and continuing to talk to the unresponsive man had become a habit.
“To think I’m eating with you like this…. Normally, I’d be counting the days left until Saturday.”
“…….”
“Ah, Saturday is the day I go to see you. The day I go to the… woodland cemetery where you’re buried.”
At those words, Eun-soo’s utensil paused. But only for a moment. As if he hadn’t heard anything, as if it didn’t reach him, Eun-soo continued his meal.
“I went every week. Bringing donuts.”
“…….”
“Do you remember? That donut shop near the office. I bought the ones you liked and went there.”
“…….”
“I’d leave the donuts, change the water in the vase, clear away the fallen leaves, and things like that….”
“So? What about it? Anyone listening would think I asked you to. Are you saying this so I’ll feel sorry?”
Eun-soo set his spoon down as if throwing it. Do-kwon flinched, his shoulders trembling. He had not expected this reaction at all and was bewildered.
“No, it’s not like that….”
“Did you buy the digestive medicine?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah…. Here.”
Do-kwon pulled the digestive medicine from his coat pocket. He had bought every kind—tablets, liquid pouches, and drinks. If Eun-soo didn’t eat with him, he wouldn’t get indigestion, but Do-kwon simply couldn’t give up the time spent with him. In lieu of that, he had bought every medicine available.
Regardless, he hated the thought of Eun-soo being in pain.
As Eun-soo reached for any of them and tore open the packaging, Do-kwon tentatively tried to stop him.
“Um… eat the rest of your meal first. You haven’t even eaten half.”
“Then just, just, eat in silence. Please. I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
Eun-soo lamented, knitting his brows. Overcome with apology, Do-kwon’s head bowed low.
“I’m sorry. To me… those were memories, so I mentioned them. I didn’t know it would make you uncomfortable. I won’t speak anymore.”
“…….”
Eun-soo glared at Do-kwon with narrowed eyes. Then, he picked up his spoon again. Do-kwon did the same.
As Eun-soo wished, the meal continued in silence. Do-kwon observed Eun-soo only with his eyes, and Eun-soo, with his head buried in his rice bowl, didn’t spare Do-kwon a single glance.
However, after a few minutes, Do-kwon began hesitantly gauging Eun-soo’s mood again. Eun-soo, who couldn’t possibly miss it, let out a long sigh and looked at him. His gaze said: What now? What is it this time? Having barely gained the right to speak, Do-kwon quickly opened his mouth.
“Why aren’t you eating the hairtail? You like grilled fish.”
Do-kwon gestured with his chin toward the grilled hairtail in front of Eun-soo. The fish, untouched, remained perfectly intact. If it were the Eun-soo he knew, he would have filleted all the bones as soon as the meal arrived and popped the pieces into his mouth along with the other side dishes. Something was wrong.
Is he too lazy to deal with the bones? If so, Do-kwon could not only fillet it for him but place it right on his spoon. He would have done so in the past, but today, mindful of Eun-soo’s mood, he couldn’t bring himself to reach out with his chopsticks.
“…….”
Eun-soo stared silently at the grilled hairtail. Then, he slowly moved his chopsticks. The pale bones were buried deep within the flesh. The tips of Eun-soo’s chopsticks found a bone. But as he tried to lift it, the tips slipped slightly. The stubborn bone slid back into the flesh.
Eun-soo pressed his lips tight. This time, he moved the chopsticks with more focus than before. However, his fingers kept slipping. After trying to grip the bone several times, the chopsticks finally clicked and slipped out from between his fingers.
Clatter. The metal chopsticks hit the hard floor, creating an unnecessarily loud noise.
“…….”
Panic flickered in Eun-soo’s eyes.
“…….”
Suspicion flickered in Do-kwon’s eyes.
Eun-soo was strange. To be precise, his use of chopsticks was strange. He hadn’t noticed when Eun-soo was picking up thick side dishes, but it was definitely odd. Come to think of it, he had eaten the simmered black beans with a spoon, not chopsticks.
As Do-kwon observed Eun-soo with narrowed eyes, Eun-soo picked up the fallen chopsticks and set them on the edge of the table. Then, he took out a new pair and tried to continue eating as if nothing had happened.
But there was no way Do-kwon would stay still. He suddenly grabbed Eun-soo’s hand. Eun-soo frowned and tried to pull away, but he couldn’t overcome Do-kwon’s grip.
Eventually, his hand was pulled in front of Do-kwon. The long sleeve of his knit sweater slid down, revealing a thin wrist. And on that wrist, a thick scar was revealed.
The focus vanished from Do-kwon’s eyes. It was a familiar scar. No, it should be called a wound. The thick shard of glass that had carved into Eun-soo’s wrist. The spurting stream of blood. Blooddrops falling like rain. The pool of blood sprawling across the floor.
The cruel scene he had buried in time surged back violently.
While Do-kwon was dazed, Eun-soo snatched his wrist back. As Do-kwon’s gaze slowly shifted toward him, Eun-soo spoke in a calm voice.
“Using chopsticks is difficult.”
“…….”
“I can’t lift heavy things, either.”
“…….”
“What can you do? I’m the one who tore up my own wrist.”
Eun-soo was excessively nonchalant. This was by no means a trivial matter, yet his expression was as if it were. In the way he chopped the soft tofu with his spoon, there was neither lingering attachment nor pain.
Do-kwon looked back and forth between Eun-soo’s face and the wrist that had since hidden back inside the sleeve. The scar was no longer visible, but it remained before Do-kwon’s eyes. A sunken scar, dark compared to the surrounding skin.
But it was strange. The scar…
“The scar… it’s not just one.”
It wasn’t just one. Beyond the thick scar, there were smaller, finely drawn scars. They were faint, but not so light as to be invisible.
In Do-kwon’s memory, Eun-soo had cut his wrist only once in the hospital bathroom that day. Then why were there multiple scars? Confusion swirled in Do-kwon’s eyes. To this, Eun-soo replied while scooping a spoonful of rice.
“Ah…. I just kept wanting to die. Bomi… Bomi was waiting, I shouldn’t be here, I thought. I was so impatient.”
“……Eun-soo.”
“But since I had a history of cutting my wrist, they didn’t leave any glass in the room. I tried cutting myself with some stationery scissors I found, but it didn’t work. I guess I should have stabbed instead of sliced.”
His voice was still calm. However, the despair and sadness he must have felt at the time crashed heavily over Do-kwon.
He could clearly imagine him looking around the hospital room for glass, cutting his wrist again and again with crude scissors, and feeling disappointed by the shallow wounds.
The man who must have struggled with the guilt of letting Bomi die alone, who had desperately craved death, who had lost his emotions to the point where he could speak of it so indifferently—it was unbearably painful.
Bomi. A name he couldn’t easily bring up, for even repeating it felt like an apology.
Because he felt he might just drop dead without Eun-soo’s permission, because he felt he could suffocate even while doing nothing. Hearing that name—the name he had tried so hard not to recall—from Eun-soo’s own lips was agonizingly heartbreaking.
Bomi. My daughter. Our daughter. The daughter who died because of me. My daughter, whose name I barely got to call a few times.
Do-kwon’s eyes turned bloodshot. His breath hitched. His breathing became jagged, as if his Adam’s apple had slid into his windpipe.
“Eun-soo.”
“…….”
“I’m sorry, Eun-soo.”
“…….”
“Hic… I’m sorry… for leaving you alone….”
That Bomi ended up that way, and that Eun-soo came to crave death, was all his fault. He had let Eun-soo shoulder that pain and sorrow alone. He felt a guilt that words could not possibly express.
And without knowing that, he had sat sprawled at Eun-soo’s grave, rambling monologues. Without knowing that, he had lived and breathed shamelessly.
He shouldn’t have. Not anyone else, but he shouldn’t have.
Under the weight of the sin pressing down on his entire body, Do-kwon’s head kept drooping. His shoulders began to shake. Thick tears fell incessantly.
Meanwhile, Eun-soo continued to force down his food with empty eyes.
It was an uncomfortable meal.
* * *
Eun-soo and Do-kwon ambiguously finished their meal—which hardly felt like one—and returned to the gallery. With an expressionless face, Eun-soo unlocked the gallery. Do-kwon hovered beside him, biting his lip.
“I’m sorry. You couldn’t even eat properly because of me.”
“It’s fine.”
Eun-soo replied dismissively. It was an answer that showed no sign of being truly upset. Yet, Do-kwon felt anxious for some reason. As Eun-soo opened the gallery door to enter, Do-kwon quickly stopped him with words.
“Next time….”
“There is no next time.”
Eun-soo sharply cut Do-kwon off. His tone was so cold that Do-kwon felt a sharp pain, as if his heart had been sliced in half. Eun-soo stared at Do-kwon with chilled eyes.
“I’m uncomfortable meeting you, Mr. Do-kwon.”
“……Eun-soo.”
“No, beyond uncomfortable, it hurts. It’s agonizing. I feel like I’ll have nightmares again once I go home.”
“…….”
Do-kwon’s mouth shut in a straight line. He didn’t know what to say or how to say it. What could he say when Eun-soo said he was in pain? But I still like you. But I still miss you. I feel like I’ll die if I can’t see you. So please endure it. Would he really say that?
He was already a sinner; he had no intention of babbling and making himself more hated by Eun-soo.
Eun-soo let out a small sigh at Do-kwon’s gloomily dead expression. Then, in his characteristic soft voice, he began to poke at Do-kwon’s vulnerabilities.
“It can’t be comfortable for you to see me either. At least if you’re human, right? If you’re human, that’s how it would be.”
“…….”
“So let’s not meet. We already agreed to be worse than strangers.”
“At that time, I….”
“Yes. You had no memory. But… but I was hurt by you. The Do-kwon of now is still Do-kwon, and the Do-kwon of then was also Do-kwon.”
“…….”
“Because… I loved both of you.”
Eun-soo’s eyes, which had been indifferent throughout, turned red. Looking at Do-kwon caused the memories he had tried to cover up to come pouring out. The harsh words, the harsh actions, the harsh glares—that coldness still clung thickly to his skin.
Eun-soo rubbed his eyelids vigorously with the back of his hand. Let’s not remember. I mustn’t remember. This is a time that must be forgotten. I have to forget.
As Eun-soo grit his teeth and tried to shake off the remnants of the past, Do-kwon took a step closer. Because of his long stride, the distance between them closed instantly. He was close enough that his breath gently tickled Eun-soo’s forehead.
“Eun-soo. Just once, give me one chance. Give me a chance to beg for your forgiveness. Please.”
It was a desperate plea. However, not a single crack appeared on Eun-soo’s hardened face. He looked Do-kwon straight in the eye with a cold gaze.
“If you want to beg for forgiveness… don’t show up.”
“…….”
“I’m saying this because it’s truly hard for me to see you. I hate living under someone else’s name to avoid you, and I hate that you come and tear things up so recklessly while I’m barely managing a daily life. It’s too hard.”
“…….”
“I live because I couldn’t die. I’m learning the reasons why I should live by going to the hospital regularly.”
“…….”
“But when I’m in front of you, all of that becomes useless.”
Eun-soo shook his head, his face contorted. Time was a burden. He had endured that burden over and over. Do-kwon could not possibly fathom how much Eun-soo had given up to get this far. That was probably why he could show up and push his face in so shamelessly.
As Eun-soo tried to ignore the tingling in his wrist and catch his breath, Do-kwon gently and carefully wrapped his hand around Eun-soo’s elbow.
“Can’t I just… just do everything for you? Don’t live in hiding like this. Live in a nice place, seeing nice things and eating nice food, Eun-soo. Use me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
At those words, Eun-soo’s brows furrowed deeply. He shoved Do-kwon’s hand away with all his might. Then, he glared at Do-kwon with eyes full of anger and loathing.
“And then if you get another hole in your head! You’ll just throw me away again!”
“……Eun-soo?”
“You’ll call me a vulgar Omega again, or a disgusting Omega, you will!”
“No, no, Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon denied it fervently. Words like ‘vulgar’ or ‘disgusting’ could not possibly be placed in the same sentence as Eun-soo. He knew he had said them. But from now on, he would never utter anything similar.
Back then, as Eun-soo said, he was a retard with a hole in his head, but now—now he was the whole Seo Do-kwon who loved Eun-soo.
Do-kwon felt frustrated. While he understood why Eun-soo hated the version of him that no longer existed, he wanted him to know that it wasn’t him. He wanted him to know that he was a completely different person now.
He wasn’t asking for forgiveness. It was simply a struggle to be given a chance—a chance to prove his love.
“No…. That will never happen again, Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon shook his head stiffly. To this, Eun-soo let out a scoffing laugh.
“Fuck…. As if. There are words you said to me, Mr. Do-kwon. That day, in that hotel, when I cried and begged you, saying that what you saw was a misunderstanding, that I was there but nothing happened, and that it would never happen again. You said something then.”
“…….”
“‘Sigh… I don’t know why I have to listen to this.’”
Eun-soo mimicked Do-kwon’s voice in a low tone. At that, Do-kwon’s complexion turned pale instantly. He instinctively stepped backward, but Eun-soo grabbed Do-kwon’s wrist. It wasn’t a strong grip, yet it became a powerful snare.
“……Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon called Eun-soo’s name in a trembling voice. But Eun-soo, indifferent, continued to drag out the past conversation. He held Do-kwon so he couldn’t escape and recited his sins one by one.
“‘The same thing could easily happen again in the future. How can I be sure it won’t? It already did.’”
“…….”
Do-kwon’s mouth opened and closed. But no words came out. The memories of the past plummeted vertically and shattered into pieces. Those fragments pierced through Do-kwon’s body everywhere.
‘Nothing happened! I said nothing happened! I begged that bad guy. I begged him not to do it. I told him I was pregnant. That there was a baby in my stomach. I crawled on the floor begging like that! Do you know how I felt hiding under the table!’
Eun-soo’s voice, screaming in frustration,
‘……It’s true. Hic… really, nothing happened.’
Eun-soo’s voice, drenched in tears,
‘Whether I drool, take off my clothes, or do something worse in front of you, what’s the problem? That’s a completely different situation. To me, it only matters whether the person in front of me is you, Mr. Do-kwon, or not.’
Eun-soo’s voice, speaking of blind love, fell like hail upon Do-kwon’s head. Do-kwon’s pupils burned black. These were not forgotten memories. He had never forgotten them. He had simply worked hard to ignore and disregard them.
But seeing Eun-soo recount them like this, without missing a single syllable, made his heart feel as if it were tearing apart. Because he could now vaguely gauge what kind of wounds those moments had left on Eun-soo.
As Do-kwon stared blankly into the air, Eun-soo whispered the final words softly.
“‘You’re just that kind of Omega.’”
“…….”
At those words, Do-kwon’s breath stopped. It felt as if the world had frozen. The arrows he had shot at Eun-soo had returned as cannons. Under that bombardment, his arms were blown away, his legs torn, and his stomach ripped open.
While Do-kwon stood there helplessly bleeding, Eun-soo’s body suddenly began to tremble. He convulsed so violently that the shaking was visible to the naked eye. His face, which had been reddish from the cold, turned stark white, and his eyes grew dark, as if not a single speck of light could penetrate them. His pupils were excessively dilated.
While recalling the conversation he had with Do-kwon, Eun-soo had fallen back into the pit of the past he had been trying so hard to avoid and escape. The time he had passed continued to push him toward the abyss, and he couldn’t help it.
The demon-like Seong-heon, red blood, a car with flashing headlights, Do-kwon’s cold face, and… Bomi, Bomi, Bomi. My daughter whose face I don’t even know. The daughter I abandoned. The daughter I killed.
All of it strangled Eun-soo.
“Gasp….”
Eun-soo suddenly bent his upper body forward. His knees buckled weakly, and his body swayed. Startled, Do-kwon quickly supported him.
“Eun-soo!”
“Ugh….”
“Eun-soo, what’s wrong? Huh? Where does it hurt? Should we go to the hospital?”
Do-kwon checked Eun-soo’s body. However, there were no visible wounds. Gritting his teeth, Do-kwon carefully cupped Eun-soo’s cheeks. Eun-soo’s eyes, with blood vessels standing out, were revealed. His eyelids were red, and irregular breaths leaked through his slightly parted teeth.
Do-kwon urgently fumbled through his coat pocket. He had to get to the hospital, quickly. It was just as he pulled out his phone.
“Mr. Do-kwon….”
Eun-soo called Do-kwon in a frail voice.
“Yeah. I’m here.”
Do-kwon quickly looked at Eun-soo. Eun-soo placed his hand over Do-kwon’s, which was cupping his cheek. Then, he spoke earnestly.
“Please… just go.”
“…….”
“You’re making things too hard for me….”
It was hard enough to kill him. Hard enough to make him want to die. The words that leaked out powerlessly were filled with sorrow. It wasn’t resentment; it was a plea. Eun-soo truly, sincerely found Do-kwon exhausting.
Do-kwon couldn’t bring himself to refuse that request. He felt that if he stubbornly held on any longer, Eun-soo might just drop dead.
As Do-kwon fled, leaving the collapsed Eun-soo behind, he thought that perhaps it would have been right not to know he was alive—to live while mourning a false death.
* * *
The owner of the gallery loved paintings, but had little interest in the gallery itself. From what Eun-soo could gauge, it seemed the place had been created simply so the owner could say, “I own a gallery,” whenever the opportunity arose.
Not long after Eun-soo moved here, a notice was posted seeking a part-time worker for the gallery. It stated they were looking for someone with the fancy title of ‘docent,’ but the actual work was far removed from what a docent does.
The interview had been the same. Upon seeing Eun-soo’s resume, the owner exclaimed, “Oh my, you graduated from a university in Europe? Great, just great!” and hired him on the spot. He hadn’t seen the owner since.
The pay was minimum wage, and there were no perks like meal allowances, but since he hadn’t started the job to make money in the first place, it didn’t matter. His monthly therapist had told him, “Get a job. Move your body regularly,” so while pondering what to do, he had spotted the recruitment notice.
For Eun-soo, it was a comfortable job. He didn’t have to learn new skills, there was almost no communication with people, and since it was a place for viewing art, no one paid him any attention.
The best part was that the owner had no particular interest in the gallery. Eun-soo suspected the owner wouldn’t even notice if he didn’t show up for a whole week.
Still, Eun-soo showed up diligently and spent his time surrounded by paintings. It was quite romantic.
He liked the subtle golden hue characteristic of the gallery, the crude classical music playing randomly from a streaming site search, the decent paintings, and the quietude of having no customers.
Eun-soo would spend time blankly admiring the art, watching people pass by outside, occasionally reading a book while drinking coffee, or—when bored—organizing paintings in the storage room, wiping the lights, or cleaning.
Today, he was sitting in a corner reading a book. Looking at the neatly printed letters made his heart feel strangely at peace.
It was as Eun-soo was slowly turning the pages one by one. A vibration sounded in his pocket. Eun-soo pulled out his phone.
[Chairman]
It was Myeong-hui. After taking a short, deep breath, Eun-soo swiped the call button.
“Yes, Chairman.”
Yes, Eun-soo. Have you eaten?
“Yes. I had lunch. Have you eaten, Chairman?”
Of course I have.
“I see….”
…….
After the brief exchange of pleasantries, a moment of silence followed. Although Myeong-hui had initiated the call, she couldn’t easily find the words, and Eun-soo waited quietly for her to speak. After some time, a sigh was heard over the receiver, and Myeong-hui called out to Eun-soo in a heavy voice.
Sweetie….
“Yes.”
Is Do-kwon… there?
“…….”
It was an expected question. Eun-soo pressed his lips tight. Then, flipping the book upside down on his thigh, he looked out the window. Across the crosswalk, in a secluded alleyway, a sleek luxury sedan was parked.
It was Do-kwon. For three days now, Do-kwon had been ‘commuting’ to that alley. He would arrive early in the morning and simply watch from afar until Eun-soo left work. When told not to meet, he was doing everything possible to see him other than actually meeting.
Eun-soo let out a long breath through his nose. His head throbbed.
“Yes. He’s… here.”
That bastard isn’t answering his ph—no, Do-kwon isn’t answering his phone.
“Ah….”
He isn’t bothering you or anything, is he?
“No. He’s just far… far away.”
Eun-soo narrowed his eyes at the car. What on earth did Do-kwon do all day inside that heavily tinted car? It wasn’t as if Eun-soo was dancing or singing. He was being perfectly static; what was there to watch every single day…?
As Eun-soo shook his head, Myeong-hui proposed a firm countermeasure.
If it’s uncomfortable, I’ll send someone right now. I’ll tell them to grab him by the hair and drag him back.
“Would that solve anything? Even if he’s taken away today, he’ll just come back tomorrow.”
Then… how about moving? I know you haven’t been settled for long, but since that guy—I mean, since Do-kwon keeps bothering you…. I’ve tried reasoning with him and I’ve gotten angry, but he doesn’t even listen when I threaten to fire him from the company.
“…….”
Eun-soo rubbed his face with his hands. He hated this. It was a hassle. Moving was easier said than done. Myeong-hui would provide all sorts of experts, but it would still be stressful. He also hated the idea of drifting from hotel to hotel. The feeling of being a stranger. The feeling of having no proper sanctuary of his own. The feeling of hovering on the outskirts of the world.
As Eun-soo sighed repeatedly, Myeong-hui asked tentatively.
…Do you hate Do-kwon?
“…….”
I’m sorry, Eun-soo. I raised my son very poorly….
Myeong-hui genuinely blamed herself. Eun-soo closed his eyes tightly and then opened them. In her mind, she was truly sorry and frustrated by the uncontrollable Do-kwon, but to Eun-soo, it was simply uncomfortable.
He felt sorry that Myeong-hui was worrying about him. Strictly speaking, none of it was her fault. Had she persecuted him? Had she contributed to Do-kwon growing up to be a mess? Had she done something sinister behind his back? It was just a series of circumstances that led to this, yet she kept apologizing.
Her priority had always been Eun-soo’s safety and well-being. That was why she was so concerned even now.
“Chairman. I’ll send Do-kwon back. Please… don’t worry too much.”
I’m so ashamed, sweetie.
Eun-soo repeatedly told her it was fine before ending the call. Placing the phone carelessly on the table, he picked up the book again. However, the words wouldn’t enter his mind.
“Ugh….”
Eun-soo stomped his feet while sitting. Why did he say, ‘I’ll send Do-kwon back’…? He should have just nodded when Myeong-hui said she would handle it. How on earth was he supposed to send Do-kwon away?
After agonizing for a while, Eun-soo had no choice but to stand up.
Standing before the crosswalk, Eun-soo exhaled a cloud of white breath. His gaze was fixed entirely on Do-kwon’s car. Presumably, Do-kwon inside the car was also watching him.
Soon, the green light appeared at the crosswalk. With a determined expression, Eun-soo crossed the street. He headed straight for Do-kwon’s car. With every step, his heart pounded harder. Eun-soo repeatedly clenched and unclenched his hand hidden in his coat pocket, trying to steady his racing heart.
Finally, as Eun-soo reached the car, the door swung open and Do-kwon stepped out.
“Oh, Eun, Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon seemed flustered. He hadn’t assumed Eun-soo was unaware of his presence, but since Eun-soo had ignored him for days, he thought he might actually not know. Or, he had selfishly thought that Eun-soo was permitting this level of proximity.
But suddenly, Eun-soo had come to find him. For Do-kwon, this was a signal of anxiety rather than joy. Because there was no way good words would come out of Eun-soo’s mouth.
Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo with the expression of a child about to be severely scolded. He hunched his broad shoulders and frowned slightly, waiting for the punishment Eun-soo would deal out.
“The Chairman wants you to answer your phone.”
“Ah….”
“Live your life and do your work. Stop bothering me.”
“……Yeah. I’m sorry.”
Do-kwon quickly nodded. It seemed Myeong-hui, unable to bear it, had contacted Eun-soo. Fearing she would have Secretary Jeong track his location again, he had been leaving his phone at home. Since he couldn’t contact Eun-soo anyway, there was no point in carrying it.
After Do-kwon’s acquiescence, a brief silence fell. Eun-soo let out a long sigh. A thick cloud of white breath escaped. Worry immediately filled Do-kwon’s eyes.
“Eun-soo. It’s cold outside. Go back in. If you have something to say… do you want to get in the car? In the car?”
Do-kwon quickly opened the passenger door. Eun-soo stared at him silently. To be precise, he looked at him with pity.
“Are you going to keep staying here?”
“……Do you hate it? I didn’t even show myself or talk to you.”
‘You’re the one who came all the way here…’ Do-kwon asked back with an aggrieved face. At that, Eun-soo rubbed his face in exhaustion. Seeing this, Do-kwon’s Adam’s apple bobbed violently. He was terrified that Eun-soo might tell him to get lost because he hated even having him nearby.
“Should I… go a bit further away?”
Do-kwon asked tentatively. Eun-soo looked at him with eyes that found him pathetic. How far was ‘a bit further’? He would probably move back about two meters and look at him with an expression that said, ‘Is this enough?’
“Sigh…. Go back to Seoul. Go back and work, work.”
“Work? I am working.”
Do-kwon said confidently. He did have responsibilities regarding his position. He was working hard. He was paying a lot of attention to a new business venture. He was certainly fulfilling his duties.
“When?”
“At night. After I see you leave work.”
“Then when do you sleep?”
“Just….”
“Just?”
“……Occasionally.”
Do-kwon’s eyes slid to the side. Eun-soo’s face twisted strangely. He had never heard such a thing in his life. Exercise? I do it occasionally. Hobbies? I do them occasionally. But sleep? Sleeping occasionally? What, once every two days? Once every three?
“Who on earth sleeps ‘occasionally’!”
Eun-soo shouted. Do-kwon’s shoulders jumped. Eun-soo glared at him, huffing. He couldn’t understand what was going on inside that handsome head.
What did he expect to achieve by just watching him like this? If he watched without taking his eyes off him for half a day, would the laws of the universe automatically narrow the gap between them? Or would it turn back time? He couldn’t comprehend why a man who had always been rational and mature was now camping out here day and night.
As Eun-soo pondered with a serious face how to persuade him, Do-kwon suddenly let out a small chuckle. Eun-soo glared at him with sharp eyes. Laughing? Did he just laugh?
“Why are you laughing?”
“Uh… because I’m happy.”
“……What? What’s so happy?”
“I didn’t think I’d get to hear your voice today, but here I am, listening to it.”
“…….”
Eun-soo’s mouth shut tight in a straight line. On the other hand, the corners of Do-kwon’s mouth curved upward endlessly. He seemed genuinely happy to be receiving a harsh scolding. He looked so foolish. If he weren’t dressed in a suit with neatly swept-back hair and a tie, Eun-soo would have thought this man truly needed medical treatment.
No, but why was he wearing a suit while camping out here all day?
As questions continued to pile up and Eun-soo’s brow furrowed further, Do-kwon closed the passenger door and took a step closer.
At the sudden proximity, Eun-soo almost ran away. Standing close to Do-kwon and smelling his scent directly was still difficult and painful.
“Eun-soo. I’ll do all my work. My mother will never contact you again.”
“…….”
“So, just like the last few days, can’t I just stay here, in this spot, and watch you?”
“…….”
Eun-soo looked up at Do-kwon with an expressionless face. Do-kwon also looked at Eun-soo. His eyes were filled entirely with Eun-soo.
“I won’t talk to you. I won’t appear in front of you. Can’t I just watch from afar—you looking at paintings, drinking coffee, reading books?”
“…….”
“I know it’s creepy and you hate it, but if I can’t even do this… I feel like I’ll die.”
“…….”
“I love you so much. Even though I’m watching you this close, I miss you. I want to see the sides of you I can’t see. I want to see you falling asleep, waking up, and what you do after work.”
“…….”
At the desperate confession, Eun-soo bit the inside of his cheek. Do-kwon was incredibly aggressive. He had always been that way. He never knew how to hide his feelings. Unable to contain his overflowing love, he poured it all onto Eun-soo. His life always revolved around Eun-soo.
It was a love he had experienced every day in the past. Perhaps because it had been so long since he felt it this way, it felt somehow embarrassing and cringeworthy. As Eun-soo took a step back, Do-kwon quickly followed.
“I can’t get enough of you, Eun-soo. I want to hold you, touch you….”
“I get it! I get it, so just go back for today. The Chairman is worried.”
“……Really? Does that mean I can keep coming here?”
“Would you not come if I told you not to? Would you even pretend to get lost if I told you to piss off? No, you wouldn’t. So go work. Sleep too. Eat. Then come.”
“Yeah. Uh-huh, I got it. Once I do all that… I can come, right?”
Do-kwon asked again. Eun-soo nodded reluctantly. At that, a bright smile bloomed on Do-kwon’s face. That smile was so dazzling, so bright and innocent, that Eun-soo felt as if he were being enchanted by it.
After standing blankly for a moment, Eun-soo quickly turned around.
No. I can’t. I shouldn’t get more entangled with Do-kwon.
Moving. Should I move? Myeong-hui would probably handle it. This time, let’s hide in a tighter, darker place. How about going abroad entirely? Change my name, change my phone—change everything, everything.
So that Do-kwon can’t find me. So that I never have to meet Do-kwon again.
As Eun-soo gritted his teeth and walked away from Do-kwon.
“Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon called him in his characteristic low voice—low, yet soft and tender. Eun-soo stopped involuntarily. However, he managed not to look back. Do-kwon spoke to the back of Eun-soo’s head.
“Thank you.”
“…….”
“See you tomorrow.”
Eun-soo closed his eyes tightly.
Do-kwon was trying to dig his way into his heart again.
It was a tragedy.