By Zephyria 
I had never thought of myself as lonely. Since I was young, I was always surrounded by people; whether they were friends or family, there was always someone to be with whenever I wanted.
However, I believe the reason I didn’t feel lonely was due to my personality. In truth, when I came to my senses, I often found the people around me more bothersome than anything. Even though I lived without any difficulty or sense of incongruity, blending in and harmonizing with them, I frequently thought about how tedious it all was.
But they weren’t bad people, and the annoyance I felt was nothing more than simple irritation. Thus, while feeling a subtle, prickling friction like a thorn, I always spent my time cheerfully among people. It was because those two emotions could coexist.
However, although I didn’t dislike them—I had never particularly felt that I disliked anyone—they were under a misconception. Well, I’m sure no one considered me a “good person” in the moral sense, but they at least thought of me as a “good guy.” I don’t know; in my judgment, “good guy” seemed like a term better suited for Jun-young or Kang-hee.
I’m not saying I was a wicked person. I believed in maintaining a basic level of morality, and while I couldn’t call myself kind, I considered myself at least not evil. I suppose you could say I had a perfectly average personality.
Yet, while mingling with everyone, I actually paid no attention to anyone outside the small circle I let into my personal domain; I simply maintained a moderate level of friendliness with the rest. Jun-young and Kang-hee once mentioned that I had a very private personality. I agree. And by my own standards, such a person was not particularly a “good person.”
Perhaps that was why I liked “good people.”
Everyone’s criteria for a good person differ, and I didn’t have any specific standard either. However, the people who always looked “good” in my eyes were those who were upright. It didn’t matter if they fought, talked back to adults, looked down on their Seonbaes, or were idiots who got pushed around everywhere.
There are people who possess a fundamental set of values and thoughts that are upright. That uprightness, which doesn’t manifest in a sleek appearance or sophisticated speech, was surprisingly easy to recognize. It could be spotted quickly in their expressions, their tone, or the content of their words.
For me, it was always a curiosity—watching the people who approached me—why people gathered around those who didn’t seem like very good humans, while leaving aside those upright, good people who were so easy to spot. Eventually, I just stopped thinking about it, figuring that not everyone prefers upright people.
In reality, people’s eyes are not blind; given enough time, a person receives the evaluation they deserve. The good are seen as good, and the bad as bad. Time judges the truth and falsehood of whether someone seems good or bad at a certain moment with considerable accuracy.
The same applied to the two friends I considered closer than anyone else.
There weren’t many people who stayed close to those two, who appeared sufficiently upright in my eyes. To be fair, they were the kind of guys who were difficult to treat comfortably.
Yet, even if they went around fighting or spoke with thorns in their mouths, they lived uprightly according to their own distinct standards. Although they didn’t have many friends who stayed close and met them often, as time passed, there were no people who spoke ill of them.
I liked them. I liked them so much that I didn’t want to let go of either one.
‘I heard you like men. …Me too.’
Was it one day in high school? Someone said that to me. I believe it was a quiet afternoon. Yes, a rare afternoon where it was bright daylight, but no one else remained in the school.
I don’t remember who it was. In fact, I barely remembered the fact itself. It was only later that I thought, Oh, that did happen.
I was by no means obtuse, and I immediately realized what he wanted to say. He was expressing the feeling: I like you.
But I had absolutely no interest. While I liked people who showed a fondness for me, I didn’t believe that just because someone liked me, I necessarily had to like them back, nor did my emotions move in that way.
If it had been a different school, perhaps it would have been different. I might have entered into a light relationship with a light heart. But I didn’t want to enter into a tiring relationship with someone with whom I had at least some level of overlap; therefore, male students in the same school were completely outside my target range.
I didn’t pay attention to the rumors circulating about me, but there was a difference between rumors involving someone from another school and rumors involving someone from the same school.
And above all.
Yes, although rumors spread that I slept with men, and it might be harder to find someone who didn’t know, I didn’t want to reveal such a fact blatantly within the same school.
It was a childish and fresh sort of purity.
The desire to not let Jun-young see.
Jun-young liked Kang-hee. There was no way I wouldn’t know. Because I had watched Jun-young for much longer than Jun-young had watched Kang-hee with those same eyes. I probably knew before Jun-young himself realized it.
Sometime along the way, I realized—without even being told—that they had slept together for some reason. I also knew that they were clashing, and the reason why.
Perhaps they didn’t need to take such a long detour. No, they shouldn’t have had to. If only Kwon Kang-hee, that thick-headed idiot, hadn’t been so stubbornly insistent while ignoring his own heart.
But I—who was unfortunately quick-witted at times like this—said nothing. I gave a few pieces of advice while pretending to care for Jun-young, but I didn’t decisively help them.
Just in case an opportunity came to me.
Even though I knew such a thing would never happen, I hid my meanness in my heart and watched them while pretending to be their friend.
Therefore, I had no room to give my heart to anyone else. I didn’t have the energy to test whether some person was someone I could truly and seriously love. For ten years, twenty years, and more—since before I had even matured—while staring only at one person, my heart became tattered and worn, yet no space opened up. No one ever entered my sight enough to drive away those years.
My “purity,” which would be laughed at by anyone truly romantic and pure, was like that. Although that heart was heavy and painful, leading me to wander through loud places and party every night since my student days, I had been looking at Yoon Jun-young all along.
Do I really like him? I, who cannot even properly reveal my heart while hoping for an opportunity as I watch him be unhappy.
The first impression was unremarkable.
The gentle and bright impression wasn’t bad. The young CEO, who looked like he’d hear the phrase “you have a good face” quite often, seemed incredibly shy; he couldn’t even look at a person properly and would quickly become flustered if someone stared at him for even a moment. Sometimes it was almost funny how his cheeks would flush slightly. So, occasionally, I would stare at him even more on purpose.
It was a tripe restaurant I visited late at night on the way out after helping Jun-young move. Come to think of it, I stopped by because I remembered Kang-hee saying it was delicious, and the first thing that caught my eye was that gentle-looking CEO.
As we entered, the young CEO—it might be more accurate to say “young” than “youthful,” as he seemed a few years younger than me—stood up, saying today’s business was over. He didn’t have a face of mere politeness or formality, but one of genuine apology.
However, true to his gentle impression, when we asked one more time, the CEO remained silent for a moment and then silently stir-fried the tripe for us, and just as Kang-hee had said, it was delicious. Since Yoon Jun-young ate so well that his chopsticks were moving diligently, it would be fair to say it was very delicious.
He’s a picky eater who hardly touches meat, yet at some point, I realized Jun-young had become a regular at that place. It was a surprising fact that would make anyone who knew Jun-young’s pickiness let out a hollow laugh.
Regardless, I didn’t mind. I liked tripe too, and above all, I liked that there were more places where I could encounter Jun-young, even if it was under the guise of a coincidence. Even if Jun-young wasn’t there, the food was good enough that I wouldn’t feel it was a waste to go and eat tripe alone.
But amidst that, there was one thing that slowly caught my attention.
Yoon Jun-young, who basically has no interest in others, had one more thing he cared about in that shop besides the tripe. He didn’t explicitly show it, but I, who always watched him, could tell.
Occasionally, Jun-young would gaze blankly at the owner, that young CEO. He would stare intently without breaking eye contact. It was almost funny to see his head follow wherever the owner moved.
“You seem to come here often lately.”
“Yeah. The tripe is delicious, and I like the owner.”
“What about him?”
“Hmm… He’s just kind of familiar… I don’t know, I like his vibe.”
It was a casual question and a casual answer, but I was surprised inwardly.
Jun-young was basically a kind person—though few noticed—but he almost never expressed fondness for someone. So, I too looked at the owner with curiosity.
There was nothing special. I could somewhat understand the “good vibe” part. After all, he was exceptionally gentle and had a good impression. Looking at how he smiled shyly sometimes, it felt like you could write “Virtuous” on his forehead.
But even so, that was all. Unable to find any reason why Jun-young would like him, I simply stared intently at the owner. In the process, the owner, noticing my gaze, looked puzzled and then soon lowered his head, his face turning red and flustered. Finding that amusing, I forgot about Jun-young and stared even harder.
“Why are you being cranky for no reason?”
Only after Jun-young muttered softly beside me did I realize I was enjoying observing the owner’s reaction, and I turned my head with a “Huh?” without even hiding my smiling face.
“I think I see why you like him.”
“…No. I think the reason I like him and the reason you think you know are definitely different.”
Jun-young muttered sullenly, but after that, I continued to stare intently at the owner with amusement. Until the owner, unable to bear it with a bright red face, fled to the restroom.
Only after he disappeared from sight did I feel a slight regret, wondering why I had acted with such childish spite when I usually don’t do that to others, but a pleasant feeling remained in my heart.
I had been gazing blankly at the owner for a while now.
The owner, concentrating on prepping the tripe, didn’t seem to notice my gaze, and he sat there naturally without blushing or appearing awkward. Although I had opened the door to the empty shop, the reason I was sitting in a shop that hadn’t even started business yet was that my appointment with Jun-young had fallen through. We were supposed to meet at the shop, but Jun-young was running late. While waiting there helplessly, I finished the book I had brought and chatted with the owner, who was preoccupied with prepping the tripe. In truth, I don’t remember exactly what I talked about. I think I just talked about random things.
Though he was a man of few words, I chatted with the owner, looking at him with surprise as he spoke quite well while occasionally smiling.
Suddenly, I felt like I understood why Jun-young liked him. As we talked, my own heart tilted toward a fondness for this owner.
He was truly gentle. It was a fact I already knew.
Sometimes, when I stayed late, even if customers lingered past closing time, this owner couldn’t bring himself to say anything unpleasant and would just sit and wait quietly until they left.
That happened just the day before yesterday.
When I visited the shop nearly at midnight and was chatting beside Jun-young as he ate tripe, I noticed the owner sitting idly in front of the counter, glancing around without much thought.
He seemed to notice a customer’s bag had fallen over on the floor while they were distracted talking. Without the customer noticing, the owner quietly set the bag upright and returned to his seat, letting out a small yawn as he saw the clock hit midnight. When he yawned and our eyes met exactly, the way he stealthily shifted his gaze to avoid me was funny, so I stared intently again.
Just then, a customer shouted, “One more order of tripe, please!” The owner looked at the clock with a troubled face, but soon silently took out the ingredients again.
“Isn’t it past closing time?”
When I asked with a smile, he gave a weak laugh as he greased the griddle.
“But they said they wanted to eat it…”
“You’ll do everything just because they want to eat? Hey, the CEO must be tired too, you should go in and rest.”
“Hey, that’s not something you and I, who are still here eating tripe, should be saying,” Jun-young criticized bluntly from the side, but I deliberately pretended not to hear.
“Still, it’s thankful that they want more because it’s delicious…”
The owner smiled shyly and began to stir-fry the tripe. As he spoke, sleep clung to his blinking eyelids, yet he kept his mouth quietly shut.
He really is the kind of person who can’t say anything to make others feel bad, I thought and let out a chuckle.
“…Uh… um, would you like something to drink?”
The owner, who had been chatting with me while prepping tripe, finally seemed to remember as our eyes met while I was staring at him, and he hurriedly went to the refrigerator.
“No, I’m fine. …Then just give me any non-alcoholic bottle.”
Come to think of it, even though he told me to sit and wait, he couldn’t just leave the table empty while someone was occupying a seat in his shop. It was still bright daylight, so drinking alcohol would be odd; it seemed better to provide a soft drink or something similar. Let’s just take whatever the owner brings.
What the owner brought and placed before me was a clean glass and a water bottle filled with yellow barley tea.
“Oh. No, you could have just given me Coke or Sprite or whatever.”
“Pardon? …But it seemed like you didn’t particularly like soft drinks… I’m sorry. I’ll bring you something else.”
The owner’s face suddenly turned red, he bowed his head, and he tried to hurriedly take the water bottle back to the refrigerator. I reflexively grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
“Oh, no. I like barley tea. I like it more than soft drinks. I do, so… I’ll enjoy it.”
I hesitated for a moment but soon smiled. I took the water bottle and glass back from his hand and poured the barley tea. On the stove next to the counter, a large kettle, like the ones I’d seen in elementary school, was boiling vigorously. Next to it, wrapped neatly in plastic, was barley tea—the kind that used to be in the kitchen cupboards when I visited my Grandmother’s house, something rarely seen these days.
Should I call it subtly classic, or say it evokes an old nostalgia, or perhaps that it’s outdated?
But I liked those things.
I like kind people, but I don’t particularly like foolish people. By my standards, this owner was foolishly kind, but still, I liked this quiet and gentle owner.
The time spent together without any particular words was unexpectedly comfortable.
That’s why I was completely fooled. Actually, you can’t say I was fooled. It wasn’t as if he deceived me with intention. I had simply misjudged.
But when the owner casually said, “But you like that person,” I was shocked. In truth, I was so shocked that for a moment, my heart felt chillingly cold.
It wasn’t as if I had completely hidden the fact that I liked Jun-young. I hadn’t confirmed it, but Jun-young probably knew, and Kang-hee likely knew as well. They were simply pretending not to notice. Just as I acted as if it were all a joke. However, the owner’s voice, speaking as if he had known all along, was far too calm. He had seemed gentle and timid, but his unexpectedly quiet and nonchalant attitude caught me completely off guard.
Perhaps that was why. To a man who knew everything yet didn’t seem to be intentionally keeping a secret, but simply knew, I poured out my story.
How much I liked him. When I started liking him. How I had come to love him, and how I still did.
It wasn’t a secret, but it wasn’t the kind of story one lets slip so easily, so I was surprised by my own words as they came out. I felt a strange sensation even as I spoke.
Did I trust this man this much? To the point where I unconsciously felt it was fine to let such a story flow out so effortlessly.
…I was most surprised by myself.
It was the first time I had clearly realized that I was opening my heart to someone without even noticing.
Setting aside the friends I met in my naive childhood, since I’d grown up, I had rarely been conscious of letting my guard down like this with anyone. Perhaps with people I had known closely for a long time, but it was no exaggeration to say I had never felt this way about someone I hadn’t known for very long.
Since this was practically a first-time occurrence, I vaguely thought, Oh, this is dangerous, yet it was strange that such a concern didn’t feel unpleasant.
“…Sometimes I wonder where my place is. I don’t know exactly where that is, but I believe there is a place given to me somewhere among people.”
After listening to my rambling in silence for a long while, he suddenly spoke. I leaned in to listen to his voice. Only then did it register in my consciousness: Come to think of it, he has a nice voice.
A quiet, kind voice that sounded as if it would never raise its tone regardless of the situation; listening to him whisper, pausing occasionally as if choosing his thoughts, I felt my heart beating slowly in time with that voice. Thump. Thump. It felt like comfortable, pleasant music.
“I’ve never sat in a place where I was the most precious or the closest to someone, but even if I’m like a single stone in a stepping-stone bridge that everyone just passes over without deep thought, just by being in that spot, some meaning is created…”
As if he didn’t know how to continue, he stopped there with a slightly troubled expression. Watching him blink his large, dark eyes while diligently searching for the right words, I thought of a stepping-stone bridge.
Because of me, Kang-hee and Jun-young had met. Perhaps for them, meeting each other was more meaningful in their lives than meeting me. Perhaps they had come to know me just so they could find one another. As is the case for most people.
As one grows older, the instances of meeting someone entirely through one’s own effort almost disappear. In childhood, you naturally meet and get to know people in the environments school confines you to every year, but after leaving such a society, you mostly get to know someone through someone else. And looking back later, it wasn’t rare for that newly acquainted person to become more meaningful than the person you originally knew.
Just as I become close to someone I met through them, someone who met through me becomes close to another.
It was fine if I wasn’t the closest person to them. If the people who met because of me became a light in each other’s lives, that was enough.
…That was what the young CEO was saying.
And as I looked at him, I thought of Jun-young and Kang-hee. And for some reason, I thought of this CEO as well.
“You have no greed.”
I smiled bitterly.
I know that I will never be Jun-young’s closest companion. I’ve known for a long time. The better I got to know Jun-young, the more obvious that fact became. And yet, because I wanted to give meaning to his life, I had vainly harbored a hope that would never be realized.
Somehow, I felt drained.
Looking at the owner’s clear face as he lowered his head shyly, I felt so foolish that the tension left my shoulders.
Still, it wasn’t bad.
…No, it was actually quite good.
What a strange man. Just when I think his every word and action is clumsy and naive, he is surprisingly sharp in other aspects. Yet, all his words and actions contained a sincerity that came after deep thought.
I liked this owner. It would be hard to find someone this upright.
Ah, I only turned my head after the chopsticks clattered together in front of me. Jun-young, who had been diligently focused only on eating the gopchang until now, was finally looking at me, seemingly satisfied and full.
“Is something up? Why have you been spacing out for a while?”
“Hmm? No, just because.”
I smiled broadly and tilted my beer. Since I hadn’t brought my car today, I could drink beer or soju without worry. I didn’t particularly love alcohol above average, so even though I could drink freely, I didn’t binge.
Then, I shifted my gaze toward the outer seats, which were partially obscured by the wall from where I sat.
Usually, I sit at the outer seats in front of the cooking station, but today the outer seats were full due to the crowd, so we were sitting inside the shop. Glancing at the owner as he bustled about responding to customers’ orders and calls, I continued chatting with Jun-young as usual.
Jun-young, complaining that his professor was overworking him every day because it was a busy season, sighed and said he should have just stayed in the US. He had originally planned to complete both his Master’s and PhD, but his father passed away just as he finished his Master’s. Though he had always loved studying, Jun-young had no greed for success or status, so he returned home, saying his mother would be lonely.
However, contrary to appearances, his mother—who had a devoted son—remarried less than a year later and followed her new husband to the US, leaving Jun-young to be relentlessly grilled by the superior who had become his professor since his college days.
Come to think of it, some time ago, while drinking with Jun-young and Kang-hee, I had said, “Then why don’t you just go back to the US?” I remembered Jun-young keeping his head down in silence for a while before grumpily replying, “No, forget it,” and shutting down, while Kwon Kang-hee fidgeted anxiously with his glass until an answer came out of Yoon Jun-young’s mouth.
A sudden chuckle escaped me.
How strange. Why are those two the only ones who don’t realize it? I don’t say anything out of petty spite, but it’s so obvious.
Perhaps the flow of emotions is something the person themselves doesn’t recognize. How it flows, how it changes—sometimes it’s more apparent to the person watching from the side.
“By the way, you said you were going to your uncle’s house for dinner today. What brings you here?”
“Huh? Ah, I left earlier than expected. So, well… I felt a bit lonely, and I thought maybe you’d be here.”
Looking at Jun-young, who was still picking at the gopchang as if it were delicious despite being full, I beamed. I’d go anywhere if it meant I could see you. I knew all too well that if I said that as a joke, I’d only get a snort in return.
“But if I’m not here, you’ve made a wasted trip.”
Jun-young said that since I usually stop by here in the evenings when I have time, the probability of meeting was high, and I laughed.
“Well, if you’re not here, I’ll just chat and hang out with the CEO. I’ve done that often.”
I added that perhaps I’d come here more often than he had.
In fact, I think I had visited this shop more frequently than Jun-young. Thinking that maybe Jun-young wouldn’t come today, I would make a point to stop by in the evening whenever I had time. Of course, the timing didn’t always align; except for Tuesdays, when we almost always met as if by appointment, I’d only run into him once every three or four visits. When that happened, it was a wasted trip, but I wasn’t that disappointed. In those times, I would sit at the counter and talk with the owner, and surprisingly, I enjoyed that time.
Good grief, I never thought I’d end up visiting a gopchang shop to talk to the owner as if it were a bar, I thought, and laughed.
But I truly did enjoy it.
Whenever he saw me, he wore a glad expression almost reflexively. Then, when I smiled back at him, he would lower his head shyly, but it was clear that he always welcomed me happily.
—I’m on Jang Ui-geon’s side. Only in my heart. …I, I don’t know how else I can be of help…
Suddenly, I remembered something he had said not long ago.
The moment I heard those words, mumbled hesitantly with a very serious look while his head was bowed in shyness, I burst into laughter. I truly gave up on him.
I didn’t know a grown adult could say such things, nor did I know that such words would make me genuinely happy. But it really was funny, and it made me happy.
He cared about me deeply. Whenever something happened regarding Jun-young that might hurt my feelings even slightly, I could tell he was checking on me, his large, calf-like gentle eyes blinking gloomily. I had never once thought that I liked being pitied by others, yet for some reason, his cautious, searching gaze felt soft and pleasant.
…But.
‘You’re a really interesting person. I think I might start liking the CEO, what should I do?’
When I said that half-joking, half-seriously because his “on my side” comment was so funny and touching, the owner’s face stiffened. In that moment, I felt a flicker of surprise, and my heart skipped a beat. Seeing his face freeze instantly and then quickly flush red, I became flustered too. I brushed it off as a joke, saying, “How can you take a couple of jokes so seriously?” but that feeling of surprise wouldn’t go away.
For a moment, a feeling like a vivid realization flashed through my mind, but… surely not.
I was quite quick-witted, but I still doubted it. The probability of meeting a kindred spirit in daily life was extremely slim. In fact, I had never seen a man who liked men outside of those kinds of bars. …No, except for that one nameless guy who came to confess to me in high school.
“Looks like a customer came for the CEO.”
Jun-young’s casual murmur reached my ears just as I finished my beer. I followed Jun-young’s gaze as he looked toward the outside without much thought.
The outer seats weren’t clearly visible from here, but I could see the owner’s profile, smiling brightly at someone sitting at the counter—the spot where I usually sit. The way he looked at the person in front of him, his eyes curving gently in a smile, was clearly incomparably more intimate than how he treated ordinary customers. The same went for the words that drifted in sporadically through the surrounding bustle.
Chi-young, I mean… come to think of it, that outfit you bought when we met outside the other day… The voice of a man speaking comfortably and without reserve drifted over.
It was the first time I had heard someone call the owner by his name so casually. And the owner’s voice, responding with an “Uh, yeah,” was far more relaxed than when he dealt with me or Jun-young.
“Oh… must be a friend.”
I murmured and looked over with a slightly strange feeling. I hadn’t assumed he had no friends. However, I had never specifically thought that he had friends he met and talked with occasionally. I hadn’t imagined that the quiet, shy owner could talk so openly with someone, smiling with such a comfortable face.
Yes, it was a feeling similar to one I’d had recently.
Some time ago, during a conversation, the owner had suddenly murmured during a brief silence.
‘It’s not that they stand out and so I like them, but because I like them, they stand out. Because the person you like seems to shine… to the point where nothing else catches your eye, only that person seems to glow.’
I recall feeling quite peculiar as I watched him blush belatedly, having spoken as if to himself without realizing it.
Curiosity had arisen. What kind of person had he liked so much? If they were someone who could look radiant in the eyes of such an upright person, they must have been beautiful. It seemed it had been a one-sided love.
The feeling I had then was similar to what I felt now. The sense of dissonance when seeing a completely unexpected side of a person you thought you knew.
“…”
It was a truly strange feeling. It’s a silly analogy, but it was like realizing that the mother I naturally thought was mine actually belonged to my father… I shook my head at the thought. It was a useless, unfunny thought.
But.
“…I’m going to the restroom for a second.”
I didn’t really need to go, but I stood up because I was so fascinated by the owner smiling with such an open face. I wanted to see it from a bit closer.
And, when I stepped out of the shop.
I revived a memory that I had kept buried insignificantly in a corner of my mind for a long time.
A man who looked familiar, staring at me with a bewildered face; the name of my alma mater coming from his mouth; and the owner lowering his gaze with a troubled expression.
What followed was the image of the boy who had confessed to me long ago. That blurred memory, which I thought I had completely forgotten, including the face, suddenly gained color, and the owner’s face overlapped with the face of that nameless classmate.
And only then could I understand those deep, water-like gazes he had cast upon me, which I had previously dismissed as just my imagination.
What to do—my deliberation didn’t last long.
Clumsy admiration that develops before properly knowing the other person usually shatters upon hitting reality. I had seen many times that a more calm and composed relationship follows after that.
Therefore, after impulsively confessing in a park where we happened to meet, I had no further hesitation in bringing the pitifully frozen Chi-young—Jun-young had casually changed the honorific to ‘Chi-young-ssi’ once he found out they were classmates, and I followed suit—into a hotel.
However.
“Are you okay?”
I gave a bitter smile as I asked the question for the umpteenth time since entering the room.
His body, stiff with awkwardness and not knowing what to do, kept retreating backward as if instinctively wanting to flee. But whenever I asked, Chi-young-ssi would stop his retreat and nod.
Even though he was already lying on the bed without a single stitch of clothing, he seemed unable to shake off his embarrassment, constantly curling up and trying to hide himself. He was as stiff as someone lying in a bed with another person for the first time in their life, and I was preoccupied with asking if he was okay and trying to ease his tension.
This wasn’t my first time doing something like this.
For some reason, I had slept with people who harbored an unfounded admiration for me several times, and there had been a few similar instances. Regardless of who the partner was, if I decided I wanted to sleep with them, I could, and it wasn’t difficult to affectionately caress them until they relaxed.
Moreover, Chi-young-ssi—though he might not know it himself—was surprisingly sensitive in his sensations for someone with such an attitude of being so shy it made the observer embarrassed. It was amusing to see those calf-like eyes widen in surprise at every single touch stroking his body; despite it being a one-sided caress of a stiff person, there was no room for boredom. No, rather, his reactions were so good that my own desire was being pulled.