By Zephyria 
When I woke up after a nap, there were two missed calls from Kwon Yi-kang. I called him back while still lying in bed, and he answered before the signal had even rung a few times.
“I didn’t pick up because I fell asleep when I got home.”
—Did you just wake up?
“Yeah. It’s… already eleven? What were you doing?”
—I was waiting for your call.
Anyone listening would think he’s my husband. Nevertheless, it was undoubtedly a pleasant thing to hear. As I laughed softly, I heard the sound of laughter from the other end of the phone, as if responding to me.
—How are you feeling?
His voice was cautious, as if he were concerned about how I had wept so passionately. Rolling my body over to look up at the ceiling, I answered casually.
“Strangely, I feel perfectly fine.”
—That’s a relief, at least. Did you come straight home and sleep after the funeral?
“Something about an ancestral burial ground. I buried him there, performed the rites, went to Grandfather’s house to listen to useless rambling, and then came home. Doesn’t everyone get cremated these days? Why do burials in a country with such small land? I was so tired that I barely managed to wash up and lie down, and I just woke up now.”
—You must not have slept for many hours.
With a clicking sound of the tongue, Kwon Yi-kang asked about my condition again.
—Aren’t you hungry?
“I should go down and see if there’s anything to eat. I’ve been eating nothing but yukgaejang, so I’m sick of it and don’t want it anymore. I’m hungry.”
—…You’re not saying you stayed at the funeral hall the whole time, are you?
“That’s probably correct.”
Kwon Yi-kang was silent for a moment at my reply. In the meantime, I got out of bed and stepped out of the bedroom. The house was quiet, as if everyone had fallen asleep early due to exhaustion.
Heading toward the stairs, I looked at the space on the opposite side—the little brat’s space. The darkened area was cold and dim, as if asserting the absence of its owner. As I stood silently watching that darkness, a low sigh reached my ears.
—Why did you do that? You should have come home to sleep.
“Just… on the first day, my parents went home, and the eldest hyung and his wife went inside to sleep… there was no one left to guard the altar.”
—Our Soo-kyung… what am I to do with such a soft heart.
“I wasn’t there with a good heart. Facing that situation… I thought about how he was such a nobody. And I wondered why he remained so miserably in my mind. Look, even after you die, there’s not a single person who cries for you. It almost makes me laugh.”
—Did you shake it off like that?
“How do you shake off lingering attachments? You just bury them. Since there’s nothing I can do, I don’t think I have many thoughts about it.”
—I hate it if anything remains as a lingering attachment. I wish only I were in your heart.
I clicked my tongue at the thick greed Kwon Yi-kang displayed, yet I laughed. He pretends not to, but Kwon Yi-kang gets edgy and jealous of everything I pay attention to. He doesn’t need to be greedy about things like this.
“Only you are. In my good heart. That guy is in my bad heart.”
—Your heart has two rooms, then. You put different guys in each and then proudly brag about it to your lover?
“Bragging, my foot.”
Would he really call that bragging? There are other things to be jealous of. I couldn’t tell if he was joking to cheer me up or if he was genuinely jealous. At the very least, I hoped it wasn’t the latter.
“I’m hungry. I hope there’s some leftover rice.”
—What is that house doing, not even feeding you?
“Maybe the others didn’t eat and just went to sleep. Or maybe they didn’t wake me because I was sleeping.”
Surely they wouldn’t have intentionally left me out and eaten among themselves. Even if they didn’t intentionally exclude me, they might not have thought to call me to eat.
They say that mistreating someone over food is the cheapest thing in the world. When you are discriminated against and mistreated with food, you don’t know how sorrowful it feels from the receiving end. This is a sorrow only those who have experienced it know.
I trudged down the stairs and entered the kitchen. I turned on the light and opened the refrigerator, and my body reflexively shrank at the cold air flowing out.
—Come out. I’ll buy you food.
“Forget it. I’ll just eat what’s here.”
—You said there are employees.
“It’s awkward to call them at this hour.”
—That’s what employees are for.
“I still don’t want to. It’s better if I just prepare it myself. I’m more comfortable that way.”
How grand of a meal would I have by calling someone at this hour? I’m just grateful there’s rice. If I throw in some side dishes and mix it with gochujang, it’ll be decent. The side dishes in this house’s fridge are quite high-end, so there’s no way they’d taste bad.
—Shall we meet tomorrow? Let’s eat something delicious.
“I want to rest for a few days. My body feels terrible after spending three days in that uncomfortable spot.”
—Why do such a foolish thing? You said you weren’t on good terms.
“No one was there on the first day, and on the second day, Grandfather came, so everyone stayed, and I couldn’t be the only one to leave. It’s not like I intended to stay for three full days. I’m not that kind of pretty boy.”
—…You must take care of your health. You shouldn’t be exhausted.
“Is this even considered being exhausted?”
This is practically luxury. Eating meals on time, sleeping to an excessive degree, and rolling around in bed during the gaps in between. Honestly, except for taking lessons, I have almost nothing to do. I don’t go to school, and I don’t work. After living a peaceful life of eating and playing, could staying up for just three nights be a big deal?
—Still, don’t use your body for a while and stay as comfortable as possible. You’ve suffered emotionally; if you suffer physically on top of that, you’ll get sick.
“You worry too much.”
I lived perfectly fine until twenty, even though it was common for me to beg under the scorching summer sun and sleep leaning against a wall in the biting winter wind.
I don’t know why I got cancer, but other than that, isn’t it impressive that I survived so well?
“People don’t die that easily.”
Then, I suddenly remembered the little brat who had fallen over so easily. I should correct that. People die far too easily.
Life is a fickle thing—it persists tenaciously, only to vanish in an instant.
“At least I won’t die from staying up for three nights. Stop worrying.”
—How can I not worry? You went away crying like that. Since I sent you off, I’ve done nothing but wait for your call.
“If you put it like that, it makes me sound like total trash for not contacting you for three days.”
—Yes, that’s exactly why I’m saying it. I want you to reflect. It means that while I was thinking of you, you didn’t think of me once.
He really knows how to make a person feel guilty. It was the kind of timing where I had no choice but to reflect. If he had been in front of me, I would have grabbed him and given him a long, deep kiss; it was a real shame.
“I’m about to eat now. Should I starve myself as a sign of my reflection?”
—Don’t say things that will get you scolded. You should eat even more deliciously out of a reflecting heart. Hurry up and eat.
I found a wide bowl, scooped some rice into it, and swallowed a laugh as I took large spoonfuls of side dishes from the fridge. A spoonful of gochujang, a spoonful of sesame oil. Even before I started mixing, the nutty aroma of the sesame oil hit my nose.
“Ah, this is going to be delicious.”
—What are you eating?
“Bibimbap. I’m throwing in all the side dishes I have and mixing it all up with gochujang and sesame oil. It smells so nutty.”
—You should eat things that are good for your health.
His tender voice felt like it was melting my ears. His voice is already great, but with the added layer of worry, it made me feel a tickle in my chest that made my toes curl.
“Eating a variety of side dishes is even better for my health.”
I mixed it noisily with my spoon and took a huge bite. The crunchy side dishes, the spicy rice, and the nutty aroma drenched my nose and mouth.
“Ah, so good. As expected, mixing rice with whatever side dishes are available is the best.”
—I can hear you chewing. Just listening to it makes me hungry too.
“Did you eat?”
—I waited, thinking we might see each other this evening. I figured you’d be sleeping because you were tired, but I didn’t know for sure.
I should have contacted him as soon as I got home. I had dozed off here and there, but spending three whole days at the funeral home had left me physically and mentally exhausted. After being dragged around the ancestral burial grounds and Grandfather’s house, I finally made it home and was so drained that I didn’t think to call, which led to this unfortunate incident.
“How can you be so foolish as to wait without even making a plan? If you can’t reach me, you should have eaten first.”
—I’ll try to do that from now on.
“Don’t be foolish. Don’t skip meals.”
—Alright. I can’t hear you chewing anymore. Hurry up and eat.
Does he think I’m doing a mukbang over the phone? I wanted him to stop worrying about what I was eating and just eat something himself. Even while thinking that, I naturally kept shoveling the rice into my mouth.
Having slept a decent amount, changed into comfortable clothes, and eating comfortable food in a comfortable position—I couldn’t feel more at peace. Consequently, my appetite returned, and the food went down smoothly.
—Is it that delicious?
“Yeah. I’d eaten nothing but yukgaejang to the point where I couldn’t even stand the sight of it, but I think my appetite is finally coming back.”
—That’s a relief. You have to eat well. That’s the only way to stay healthy.
“My health isn’t going to deteriorate just because I miss a few meals.”
—Still. Always make sure to eat. And if there’s something you want to eat, be sure to tell me.
I don’t know since when he started caring about my meals or why he’s being so obsessive about eating. Come to think of it, I was the one who first contacted him to meet, but even then, it was Kwon Yi-kang who suggested we eat. I never felt like he had a huge appetite or a greed for food, but perhaps he’s just the type who never misses a meal.
“I get it, so hang up and go eat something too. You said you were hungry.”
—…Soo-kyung.
“Yeah?”
—It’s okay. Everything is okay.
“….”
What’s okay? I told him to eat. I didn’t say anything else. The spoon I was bringing to my mouth stopped in mid-air, and my mouth, which had been chewing, froze shut as if glued.
—Eat your meal, get some deep sleep, and wake up. After a few days pass, you’ll realize how insignificant that guy is, and how little he’s worth worrying about. So, don’t cry for too long.
“….”
—And don’t be upset all by yourself.
“….”
When I didn’t respond, Kwon Yi-kang asked, “Hmm?” demanding an answer.
I felt something hot blocking my throat. I wondered if the clump of rice I had swallowed was trying to choke me. Pressing down on my heating eyelids, I hurriedly poured and drank a glass of water.
—Soo-kyung.
“I get it, so just hang up. You’re distracting me from my meal.”
—Alright. Get some rest and contact me later.
“Yeah.”
After ending the call, I sat still and let out heavy, hot breaths. Fortunately, my eyes didn’t get wet, but the hot energy gathered around my throat coiled there, pressing down on my breath.
I tossed the spoon and the bowl, half-filled with rice, into the sink and stood up. My appetite was gone. It was clear I wouldn’t be able to swallow anything for a while.