By Zephyria 
Although it was a three-day funeral, not all family members stayed at the altar. When midnight came and the mourners dwindled, my parents returned home, and while my eldest brother and his wife remained at the funeral home, they went into the bedroom in the family room to get some sleep.
This is the first time I’ve seen a funeral without a chief mourner. You really were a child of no significance.
As the only one guarding the altar, I sneered at the little one in the portrait. It certainly wasn’t out of loyalty or courtesy. I simply didn’t know where else to go, and I wanted to watch the situation unfold after the little one died.
That no one grieves even though you’re dead. That there are so few people who care about you now that you’re gone. That you, who acted so arrogant as if you had everything, were also a person of no meaning.
“Young master. Why don’t you close your eyes for a bit?”
While the family members had gone inside to sleep, the attendants were gathered on one side, keeping watch. The eldest, the second, and my own driver—the three of them were pacing around aimlessly until Lee Kyung-jin spotted me sitting blankly and approached.
“Do I get overtime pay for this?”
“Since the young master is outside, naturally we must stay by your side.”
“I should have gone inside to sleep too. So Driver Lee could go home.”
“It is fine. More importantly, why don’t you lie down for a moment? The eldest young master has already gone in.”
“I don’t really feel like sleeping.”
“Please wait a moment.”
Lee Kyung-jin disappeared and returned with a pillow and a blanket. Since my eldest brother and his wife were sleeping inside, he wouldn’t have taken them from the bedroom; I didn’t know where he got them.
“At least lie down. If you stay like that, you won’t last three days.”
“You drivers should go and get some sleep. The family is sleeping, so why are complete strangers guarding the funeral hall? It’s ridiculous.”
“We will also take turns sleeping. Please lie down here.”
He checked the temperature of the floor with his hand and guided my body down to where the pillow was placed. He covered me with the blanket as I collapsed like a doll, even smoothing out the folded edge of the blanket. I watched Lee Kyung-jin’s actions in silence and let out a laugh.
“So many people were coming and going, yet it’s so quiet now.”
“Because mourners don’t visit in the early hours of the dawn.”
Aren’t acquaintances usually supposed to stay up all night at a funeral, and the family is supposed to stick to the funeral hall for the full three days? Although there were people gathered in small groups, a funeral hall without the chief mourner and family was a strange sight.
“Did Father arrive home? Is he sleeping?”
“It seems he has things to discuss with Chief Bae. That is likely why he left.”
Lee Kyung-jin replied as if comforting me, saying that Father wouldn’t have left his child’s funeral just to sleep.
No, man. Why are you comforting me? It’s not like I’m feeling neglected.
For some reason, I felt like laughing and covered my mouth.
“Still, it’s a bit much for all the family members to go inside and sleep. It looks heartless. Actually, I’m the one who should be the most heartless.”
“That just means the young master is that kind.”
Lee Kyung-jin hesitated for a moment, then carefully raised his hand and patted the blanket. It was similar to the touch of a parent putting a child to sleep, which brought a smile to my face.
“Driver Lee, when are you getting married?”
“……I think it will be soon. My girlfriend’s patience seems to be running thin.”
“I heard you’ve dated for seven years. Why haven’t you done it until now?”
“Well, this job lacks personal time, so I worried I’d be neglectful of my family even after marriage, and I also had a greed to save a bit more money before marrying. Due to various reasons, I kept postponing it, and then it became difficult to find the right timing to bring up marriage again. That’s how it was.”
Lee Kyung-jin replied as if making an excuse, averting his gaze as if he were shy about sharing personal stories. Looking up at his awkward face, I thought once again that these people are human too.
“Will you quit your job when you get married? You should enjoy the honeymoon. The commuting hours for this job are too erratic.”
“There has never been a time as good as now, so I intend to stay by the young master’s side even after marriage.”
“Indeed, I am quite quiet, aren’t I?”
“That is not the case.”
No need to be so serious, right? When I lowered my eyebrows and made a sulky face, Lee Kyung-jin smiled, saying it was a joke.
“Driver Lee, be good to your children when you have them. Love them a lot.”
“……Yes.”
“Play with them a lot. But don’t give them everything they ask for. Just look at the brothers in my family and it’s obvious how that turns out.”
“I think it would be wonderful to have a child like the young master.”
“I told you I’m this popular.”
As I spoke with a shrug, Lee Kyung-jin agreed. Since a positive response returned to my joke, I felt a bit shy.
“Raise them to have a human scent. Look at the members of my family. They don’t smell human. I have no idea what a family is supposed to be. I don’t know why Grandfather won’t even show his face.”
“The Chairman said he will come tomorrow evening and stay until the funeral procession the following day.”
“He really is like a stranger.”
Looking at how that old man behaved, I did think he was heartless. Even for someone like me, who is said to have no roots, he doesn’t even look in on his own grandson who actually has roots, now that he’s dead.
“Driver Lee, are you on good terms with your parents?”
“We aren’t that affectionate. I just send my regards and some pocket money occasionally.”
“Still, you rely on and love your parents, right? Not just because you’re sucking up for an inheritance. You might be neglectful while they’re alive, but you’ll be sad when they pass away.”
“My parents don’t have much of an inheritance to leave behind. I have to earn diligently to provide for them.”
“It’s probably better not to have one. Look at my brothers. Their relationship was terrible because of the inheritance. All over that damn hospital. It’s not like you can trade it for candy.”
At my words, Lee Kyung-jin’s expression became slightly ambiguous.
“I think it would be so sad to raise children like that. I’m not saying only the children are the problem; the parents are a problem too. They’re too heartless. Father told me to go on a blind date after the funeral. I heard that at the funeral home. I guess he doesn’t think much of the little brother’s death. Is his mindset ‘the living must live on’? He’s too open-minded.”
“My parents have also been nagging me to get married for several years. Parents…… seem to have a greed to see their children marry and have children.”
“That’s what normal people think. My parents just seem to feel that since they’ve raised me this much, they should now sell me off for a good price.”
As his face stiffened slightly, I pulled my hand out from under the blanket and waved it.
“Do you think I’m the kind of person who would be sold off quietly? If worst comes to worst, I’ll even run away. Then Driver Lee would have to look for another job. But still, don’t hate me too much. I have to live my own life too.”
“Of course. You should think of your own life first. The most important thing is that the young master is happy.”
Taking my hand that had come out and putting it back under the blanket, Lee Kyung-jin smiled with a kindness like an older brother. He had a tenderness more like a real brother than the eldest one did.
“Now, please truly sleep.”
“I’m not sleepy at all.”
“Still, please sleep. If you stay like this, you’ll collapse.”
“I’ll just lie here.”
“Yes, that is also fine.”
I gently closed my eyes to the touch of the hand patting the blanket.
What is happiness? There must be something different from just laughing and enjoying oneself, right? I’m not sure what happiness is. Would I be happy if I had a lot of money? Would I be happy if I did the things I wanted to do? Is the emotion I feel when eating something delicious happiness?
While smiling at the kindness being conveyed, I myself did not know what happiness was.
∞ ∞ ∞
Following the first day, mourners continued to line up on the second day. The funeral hall, which had been quiet all night, became crowded with no seats left, as if it were a lie. The fact that despite so many people coming and going, not a single person shed a tear for the little one’s death made me laugh.
People flocked even more in the early evening. As it overlapped with the time people left work, it resembled a bustling marketplace. People in white gowns, because the hospital was right next door, came down in between their shifts regardless of day or night, but people in suits mostly flocked in during the evening.
As I stood to one side, blankly watching the people, the crowd split open, and Grandfather appeared, walking with his hands behind his back.
It would have been fine if he had a slightly sad or solemn face, but the old man’s face was as peaceful as if he had just come out for a stroll. With every step he took, greetings of well-being flowed from the sides.
“Grandfather, it must have been hard for you to come.”
I smiled warmly, approached Grandfather, and linked arms as if to support him. Turning his head, Grandfather scanned me up and down with a dissatisfied gaze.
“Don’t throw a tantrum here and just come along.”
With my lips closed, I let the words slip and gave a soft smile. I could feel Grandfather’s forearm, which I was holding, trembling.
I really love it when this man gets angry. I had a dirty feeling that I was awakening to a bad taste, but I pretended not to notice.
“Did you eat before coming? Would you like a bowl of yukgaejang?”
“Can’t you get away from me?”
Perhaps conscious of the people around us, Grandfather leaned his head slightly toward me and spoke in a low voice.
“You haven’t eaten? Even if your grief is great, you must take care of your meals. Please set a table here. Grandfather needs to eat first. Grandfather, please tell my second hyung to come out and eat quickly.”
Urging the old man along and leading him toward the funeral portrait, I raised my voice to tell them to set the table immediately. Letting out a low groan, the old man followed where I led.
Standing before the portrait, Grandfather stared blankly at the photo of my second hyung. I don’t know what the old man was thinking.
Was he grieving the death of his grandson? Or was he feeling it was a waste since he died before he could be sold off? If he knew why he died, was he cursing him, thinking a piece of trash died while doing something trashy? Or was he simply thinking of nothing at all?
Recalling the faces of Grandfather, Father—who had stepped away for a moment—and the little brat side by side, I thought about how similar their bloodline truly was.