By Zephyria 
After taking a deep breath, Grandfather quietly picked up his spoon. As Grandfather took a spoonful of soup and then rice, I quickly placed a mushroom on top of his spoon.
“You might get indigestion, so eat slowly. Don’t rush.”
I spoke with the face of a kind grandson, smiling. I lightly ignored the displeased groan that escaped him.
Whether Grandfather ate or not, I first scooped my own rice into my mouth, took a crab from the soy-marinated crab dish, and tore into it with my hands. The meat was plump, showing how well it had been prepared.
“Gosh, things like this aren’t good for someone of Grandfather’s age. You’ll lose a tooth. Besides, it’s salty. Salty things are bad for elderly health. Did the lady make this because we were coming? She shouldn’t normally serve this. Right?”
I sat as if I had taken the seat of honor alongside Grandfather, smacking my lips as I sucked on the crab legs. Sharp gazes pierced my cheek from the side, but having eaten the ‘rice of intuition’ for years, this didn’t even bother me.
“Grandfather, are you finished already? What should I give you this time? I’ll give you some dried radish strips.”
If you entrust your chopsticks to someone else, don’t even think about eating meat. In such a fierce world, do you expect someone else to put meat in your mouth? I pointedly put the chopsticks in my mouth, sucked on them, and then picked up a piece of dried radish and placed it on Grandfather’s rice bowl.
“Gosh, our Grandfather eats so well. That’s why you’re so healthy. Your voice is loud, and you’re strong. It would be perfect if only you didn’t have high blood pressure. Grandfather doesn’t have high blood pressure, does he? High blood pressure has a high chance of sending you to the grave in one go…”
“Shut your mouth! It’s so noisy I don’t know if the food is going into my mouth or my nose.”
“Gosh, Grandfather’s voice is louder than mine. Please lower your volume. They say you shouldn’t raise your voice at the table.”
Did you not even learn that? At my mutter, Grandfather put down his spoon and pointed at me.
“Go over there next to your father. Get lost.”
“Why are you so excited? I told you excitement isn’t good. Hurry and pick up your spoon. Are you acting like a child complaining about food? They say people become children as they age; it’s not a lie. Are you angry because I only gave you vegetables? But they say you have to eat vegetables to be healthy. Then this time, I’ll give you fish.”
I took a fish—some kind of yellow croaker or whatever—from the table to my personal plate and flaked the meat with my hands. Like I was tasting it, I tore off a large piece of meat, chewed it, and nodded.
“Wow, this is delicious. The meat is tender. It’ll be fine for Grandfather to eat. Here, hurry and scoop some rice.”
I gathered the remaining scraps of meat and placed them on Grandfather’s spoon. I smiled brightly and said, “Eat up.”
“When is this memory supposed to return?”
Grandfather asked the Alpha father, shaking the fish meat off his spoon onto the table.
“No specific damaged areas were found. It is considered a mental and psychological issue, so we are observing him over time.”
“That’s why I told you to throw this madman into a hospital.”
“Oh my, calling your grandson who is right here a madman? If you say things like that, people will say Grandfather has gone senile.”
I looked down and smiled as if I were embarrassed. I heard a sound of someone choking from the side.
“Is it true that he isn’t causing any accidents at home?”
“Yes, …he is staying quiet.”
“Why are you asking Father? Ask me. I don’t think I see Father for even ten minutes a day. We only see each other for an hour if we have a meal together. Still, seeing as you know whether I’m doing well or not, you must have some interest in me.”
Or maybe our drivers and Chief Bae have been diligently chirping to Father. I had a strong feeling it was the latter.
It seemed Grandfather simply intended to treat me as a madman. I understood the meaning of the gaze that watched me as if half-given up.
Yes, this is actually better. If there’s a sense of caution that there’s no cure once bitten by a madman, at least they won’t touch me.
Meanwhile, my chopsticks roamed the table, picking out meat, fish, and other expensive-looking side dishes. Eating diligently by myself, I had already emptied half my rice bowl.
“Grandfather, why are you eating so little? Eating slowly is good, but eating too slowly is also bad. Moderation is always best, moderation.”
“How long must I endure this sight?”
Grandfather continued to ignore my words, talking to Father as if I weren’t there. It’s a bit of a strange feeling to be the subject of a conversation as if I’m not present while being right next to them. Did he really switch his course to complete ignorance?
“I believe I told you to speak to him at home so he understands. You can’t manage the household properly, and you can’t manage your children. What is it that you actually do right?”
“Uh-oh, Grandfather is raising his voice again. Please sit calmly and eat. Did you catch some kind of outburst syndrome? Why do you keep shouting while talking?”
I scooped a large amount of rice and placed a small piece of meat on top.
“I’m being generous. Have some meat. This is actually very bad for you. It raises cholesterol, thickens the blood, makes you gain weight, adds fat, it’s bad for high blood pressure, bad for low blood pressure, and you could even have a myocardial infarction.”
I brought up everything I knew and pushed the spoon in front of Grandfather’s lips. I hope he eats this and dies a bit sooner. Then I could put meat on every spoon, every meal.
A grumpy old man who only knows how to lose his temper. …Did you also lend a hand in covering up the youngest’s accident?
If it were up to me, I’d want to dissolve rat poison in the soup and have everyone in this house eat it and die.
“Grandfather. Since you’ve lived a long time, you must have seen many bad people, right?”
Grandfather took the spoon from my hand as if snatching it, threw the meat I had placed on it back onto the table, and finally picked up his own chopsticks. Since he’s so good with chopsticks, why does he make others do it? If it were me, I’d be so annoyed waiting for someone to put side dishes on my plate that I’d just eat them myself. He’s an old man with strong patience.
“I’ve lived for twenty years, and I think there are too many bad people in the world. People with power do bad things, and people without power have bad thoughts. In the end, it’s just a difference of whether they have the power and determination to put it into action or not. I think people are basically all bad.”
Even I, who was at the lowest level without power, lived full of malice. Even now, I am still full of malice.
“There is a bad heart inside me. …Do you also have a bad heart, Grandfather?”
Have you ever put that bad heart into action? Have you ever hurt someone or caused harm to others? Have you ever regretted it?
Looking at my face as I asked while staring intently, Grandfather spat out the word, Madman. He really is a stubborn old man.
“Grandfather, hurry and eat. I brought a gift for you today. I’ll give it to you in a bit, so you should look forward to it.”
I spoke in a cheerful voice while pushing the remaining rice into my mouth. A slightly nervous gaze swept over me, but I pretended not to notice.
Every time I placed a side dish on his plate with chopsticks that had been in my mouth, Grandfather shuddered and threw the food away, but other than that, it was a relatively quiet meal.
“Grandfather, how’s the chair? It’s plush and nice, right? I put a lot of thought into picking it. I heard the patterns here were hand-carved. These aren’t earthworms; they’re dragons. Totally cool, right? And they said it’s made of some really great wood. What was it again? Paulownia? Willow? Anyway, just think of it as something incredibly high-end.”
Having finished my bowl of rice early, I spoke familiarly to Grandfather, who was still eating. He continued to ignore me, but I didn’t let it stop me and kept talking.
“Brag about it later when you meet your friends. Tell them your youngest grandson bought you a wonderful chair. Oh, would Grandfather be a bit embarrassed if they knew there weren’t enough chairs during the meal? That was Father’s fault. Thinking about it again, there’s really no reward for raising children. From now on, I’ll buy you the things you can’t afford.”
In truth, it wasn’t an incredibly expensive chair. It wasn’t paulownia, and it certainly wasn’t hand-carved; it was just a factory-made chair from the street.
Well, a few tens of thousands of won for a chair is quite expensive, but by these people’s standards, it would be a cheap piece of junk. The thought of Grandfather sitting in that cheap chair made me feel a bit amused.
“You… get out. Now that you’ve stuffed your face, get out!”
“It’s not right for a youngster to leave the table before the elder has finished eating. Phew, I really received such a great home education. Grandfather, you must feel so proud, right? You’ve raised your youngest grandson to be so proper.”
Praise me, self. As I nodded with a proud smile, Grandfather put down his spoon as if he had lost his appetite.
“You can’t even finish one bowl? Are you sick somewhere? You should go to the hospital. Even if it doesn’t taste good, eat a bit more. I’m done with my rice, so I’ll serve you some more side dishes now.”
I snatched the chopsticks from Grandfather and began placing ordinary side dishes onto his rice bowl.
Eat your vegetables. Eat them twice.
I pressed the side dishes down onto the rice as if planting trees and gestured for him to eat quickly. As I stood by holding the next side dish, Grandfather shook his head.
“Then again, eating home-cooked meals every day feels the same, so it’s natural to lose your appetite. You should go out and eat. Shall we go out next month? Grandfather, do you like Chinese food?”
“Listen to the way you talk.”
“They say staying home too much isn’t good for old people. You should go out and meet your friends. Ah… does Grandfather not have any friends? Surely that’s not the case, right? Well, given your personality… please tone it down when you meet your friends. Any friends you had would probably run away. If you really have no friends, try going to the local senior center. I heard there are plenty of grandfathers and grandmothers killing time there.”
“Soo-kyung, shut your mouth so your grandfather can eat.”
The Alpha Father called out to me, sounding as if he could no longer tolerate it. Last month he had been dazed, as if he’d lost his mind, but it seemed he had grown accustomed to this by the second time.
“I was just trying to be a companion because I thought Grandfather might be bored. Grandfather, did you fail to eat because of me? I’ll be quiet now, so please hurry and eat.”
I made a gesture of zipping my lips and quietly used my chopsticks. I didn’t forget to suck on the chopsticks once in a while after placing a side dish. As the seasoning of the food touched the tip of my tongue, my appetite returned, and I occasionally picked up a side dish for myself.
“Ah, the feeling of filial piety is so rewarding. Father, shall I give you some side dishes too?”
When I asked while looking at the Alpha Father beside me, Father frowned deeply. I bit my chopsticks, letting out a laugh I couldn’t swallow. Anyone watching would think there’s truly one crazy bastard in this family.
“Grandfather, this is the last bit. Hang in there. My, our grandfather eats so well. You’re so kind.”
At the end, I showed some generosity and gave him a piece of meat. Watching Grandfather chew and swallow the final bite, I picked up the water glass next to him and held it to his lips.
“Here, gulp down the water. That way it goes down smoothly. Since digestion slows down when you’re old…”
After taking a sip, Grandfather splashed the remaining water over my face. He seemed quiet, but he stabbed me in the back like this. I wiped the dripping water with my sleeve and laughed softly.
“My, my, Grandfather. I thought you lacked energy today, but I guess not.”
The other family members, who had been eating in silence, held their breath in the freezing atmosphere. I don’t know why they insist on gathering once a month if they’re going to eat in such an uncomfortable mood.
“I just love seeing Grandfather so full of energy. Now, since you’re finished eating, please stand up. I’ll show you what I bought. Hurry.”
I pulled Grandfather up from the chair. Come on, let’s go to the living room. Grandfather shook off my hand. I didn’t particularly want to hold an old man’s hand either, so I was actually grateful for that.
“Ma’am, Grandfather is finished eating, so please prepare the tea like last time. Come on, let’s go.”
Pushing Grandfather’s back toward the living room, I picked up a shopping bag I had set aside.
“Grandfather. This is a present for you. This thing is… a very, very, very, very amazing thing.”
I started hyping it up as I sat Grandfather down on the living room sofa. Just wait a moment. Saying that, I scurried to the bathroom, found a basin, and filled it with hot water. The family members who had finished their meal were coming out to the living room one by one.
“Grandfather, you like foot baths, right? So I bought you a foot bath machine. This isn’t just any foot bath machine. It does massages too. The world has really become a great place lately. Grandfather, you didn’t know things like this existed, did you?”
I pulled the foot bath machine out of the shopping bag with a “Ta-da!” sound effect. I plugged it in and poured hot water into the machine. After a short wait, bubbles began to fizz up.
“It’s like a mini hot spring, right? I read the manual and it has all sorts of functions. Grandfather, your eyes are probably too blurry to see, so just ask the ma’am to do it for you from time to time. With this, you can do it every day without waiting for someone to give you a foot bath.”
I rolled up the hem of Grandfather’s trousers and yanked off his socks. Before he knew it, I pushed his feet into the water, and Grandfather let out a startled scream.
“It’s hot, you brat!”
“Stop exaggerating. What do you mean it’s hot? It has to be at least this warm for a foot bath. Put your feet in quickly.”
“You damn brat.”
“Even if this tips over, I’m not the one who has to clean it up. The ma’am will do it. And if it floods, it’s not my house, it’s Grandfather’s house. Think about the ma’am, who’ll have one more chore because of your personality. You really work her to the bone just because you pay her a salary. It’s truly shameful.”
At my words, Grandfather flew into a rage.
You uneducated brat. You animal. You wild brat. You rootless bastard.
Aside from direct curses, all sorts of insulting words poured out. The foot bath machine tipped over, and the water spilled. My buttocks, which were resting on the floor, became soaked, making it look as if I had wet myself.
“Get out of here right now with this damn thing!”
Grandfather shouted, kicking the overturned foot bath machine. Even if he kicked it, his own foot would probably hurt more than the machine.
In fact, anticipating this, I had bought a cheap foot bath machine. I felt proud that my prediction was correct.
“Since the meal is over, Soo-kyung, you may leave first. Father, let’s move to another room.”
“I’m going to drink some tea before I go. We’re family. We should all be together. I’ll ask them to clean this up while I bring the tea. Grandfather, just sit and wait. No, wait. You spilled the water, so you can’t even sit here. Phew, you should really control your temper.”
Seeing Grandfather’s lips twitch as if a curse were about to fly out, I quickly headed for the kitchen. Passing the ma’am who was preparing the tea, I casually opened the cupboard.
“Ma’am, you’re one cup of tea short.”
“Ah… but the Chairman…”
“Well, it’s not your fault, ma’am. Still, don’t take it for granted when people aren’t treated like people. That’s very bad. Just leave it as it is. I’ll drink something else.”
The ma’am didn’t say much to my words. As I stared at her quietly pouring boiling water and stirring with a teaspoon, she glanced at my face.
“Why… are you looking at me like that?”
“Just because. I don’t want to go back to the living room. Oh, by the way, there’s another flood in the living room. I told the old man not to make more work for you, but he just wouldn’t listen. He’s only grown more stubborn with age.”
“Oh my, young master. You shouldn’t speak like that.”
Even though no one was listening, the ma’am looked pale and scanned the surroundings.
“What does it matter? I’m not saying things that aren’t true. Ma’am, is there no coffee here?”
“Coffee? Shall I brew some beans for you?”
“No, not that. Is there no mix coffee? Grandfather probably wouldn’t drink that. A man who only consumes high-end things would surely not drink that, right? Ah, beans aren’t my taste. I’d love a cup of mix coffee.”
I had a strong craving for the sweet yet potent taste of mix coffee. I should buy some mix coffee later. I’ll carry a few packets in my pocket.
“Is there nothing sweet? I want something sweet.”
“Shall I give you some quince tea?”
“I don’t like sour things… Put plenty of sugar in that and brew it for me.”
“I’ll put some honey in it.”
As expected of a rich house, it’s great that they put honey in the tea. Sipping the tea made with quince syrup and a half-honey, half-water ratio, I walked back into the living room. In the empty living room, there was nothing but a large puddle of water on the floor.
“…Where did everyone go except me?”
“I think they moved to the drawing room. Please come this way.”
Seriously, if they were going to move, they could have at least told me. Is this a silent protest telling me to leave? How can I live when there’s no one to welcome me?
I trudged along behind the ma’am toward the drawing room.
∞ ∞ ∞
After arriving home, I changed out of my damp clothes.
Even though it was March, it felt colder than winter, so I wore a hoodie over a shirt and threw an oversized coat on top. Strangely, there were no jeans in the closet, so I put on the jeans I had acquired recently and wore sneakers; my body felt much more comfortable than when I dressed formally.
Holding a cup of cocoa I had requested in advance, I perched on a chair at the garden tea table. I felt like I’d catch a cold even if I stayed like this for only thirty minutes.
“Chief Bae hasn’t come out yet, right?”
Keeping my gaze fixed on the house, I asked Lee Kyung-jin.
“Yes, he is likely with the Hospital Director.”
“He wouldn’t be with him until bedtime, would he? It’s Sunday, so if he was called in, he’d probably want to go home.”
“Sunday is not a holiday for us. Unless the Hospital Director calls for him specifically, he will probably stay in the annex until he leaves work.”
“Annex?”
It sounded as if he spent time there often, but when I had gone to the annex because of Cha Soo-kyung’s studio, I hadn’t discovered such a place.
As I tilted my head in confusion, Lee Kyung-jin pointed to a small building on the opposite side of the annex where the studio was located.
“It is the building used by the employees. It contains the dormitories, the employee cafeteria, and a lounge. People like me usually wait beside the young masters or in the car, but in Chief Bae’s case, he has a separate office there.”
True, he doesn’t drive; he’s practically a secretary. He would need a space to organize the information brought by other drivers when he’s not following the Alpha Father around.
I nodded my head, and the tip of my crossed foot nodded along. Just as the cocoa I was drinking hit the bottom and I felt the sensation disappearing from my fingertips as they slowly froze, I saw a man coming out of the house.
“That is Chief Bae.”
“Ah, that person?”
Right, I think I’ve seen him occasionally by the Alpha Father’s side. Wondering if my memory was wrong, I looked closely at Chief Bae; his face wasn’t particularly eye-catching and was actually closer to being ordinary.
“Chief Bae!”
As I called out loudly to Chief Bae, who was heading toward the employee building as Lee Kyung-jin had said, he turned his head and looked this way. I waved my hand and gestured for him to come over, and after standing still for a moment, the man slowly walked toward me.
“Young master.”
“I guess you’re finished talking with Father?”
“Yes. It is cold; why are you out here?”
We were in a relationship where we hadn’t exchanged a single word for two months, yet I spoke to him familiarly, as if we had been meeting every day until yesterday. He must be quite a character; hiding his awkwardness, he wore a smooth, salesman-like smile.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Chief Bae.”
“For me?”
“I had something to ask you. Driver Lee, one more cup of cocoa, please.”
I gave Lee Kyung-jin a look to step away for a moment, and noticing my gaze, he took the empty mug and quietly entered the building.
“Excluding the family, you’re the one who knows the most about our household, aren’t you, Chief Bae? You might even know more than my brothers or me.”
“What is it you wish to say?”
“When something bad happens, you’re the first to know, and when it needs to be cleaned up, you’re the one who wipes it away. Like the family’s fixer.”
A chill mixed into the gaze that looked down at me in silence.
“I heard you followed my brothers before you were by Father’s side. About thirteen? Fourteen years ago?”
“…Yes, that is correct.”
“Fourteen years ago, my second brother killed someone, right? In a car accident.”
Staring up at the expressionless face, I grinned.
“Did you clean that up too, Chief Bae? How cleanly did you handle the aftermath that Father kept you by his side after that? Was it a combination of hush money and a promotion? Since his secret was out, he wanted you to keep handling the dirty work from then on?”
“I do not know what you are talking about.”
“Why? I didn’t use any difficult words.”
“I am concerned that baseless rumors may spread.”
“Huh? My second brother told me this. That he killed someone. He proudly said he went bam! and ran them over.”
At my words, Chief Bae let out a low sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a pained expression.
“Young master. Please be careful with your words and actions. If you make such jokes elsewhere, there are those who will believe the joke as truth.”
“Don’t you think you should make my second brother’s mouth careful before making me careful? He’s the one going around telling everyone, so what is there for me to be careful about? That’s the human who needs to be dealt with.”
I just giggled, acting as if I had done nothing wrong.
“Tell me, Chief Bae. Even if I do something bad, will you resolve it cleanly for me?”
“Young master.”
“Why? Do you not care because I’m the child of a second wife? Some people get their murders covered up, but are you just going to send me to prison?”
As I slumped my shoulders with a crestfallen face, Chief Bae pulled over the opposite chair, sat down neatly, and asked.
“I apologize for not having heard any stories. Has something happened?”
Ah, this man must have misunderstood. He thinks I’ve committed some act and am about to ask him to fix it. It was so absurd I couldn’t even laugh.
“…To what extent am I allowed? Will you cover for me even if I kill someone like my second brother? Will I not go to prison?”
“Young master.”
“Something like driving without a license and causing a traffic accident would be easy to cover up, right? Come to think of it, I don’t have a license either.”
“When was it?”
Chief Bae, who had been pressing the bridge of his nose with his fingertips, asked as he took out his phone. I didn’t know if he was about to make a call or write down something important, but the gesture looked quite practiced.
“Not yet. But something could happen later. You can feel it too, can’t you, Chief Bae? My personality has changed, and I can’t stay quiet. Don’t you think I’m likely to cause a huge accident?”
As I chuckled, Chief Bae put his phone away and frowned.
“Please refrain from such jokes.”
“Why? I need someone I can trust so that I’ll feel secure no matter what happens.”
What will you do if I kill the little one? Will you clean it up perfectly? Or will you stand by and watch me be dragged into prison? Now that would be a family disgrace. I wondered if that depended on Chief Bae’s choice or the Alpha Father’s.
“I’m so lonely. I feel like I have no one on my side. I envy my brothers. No matter what they do, Chief Bae is there to support them reliably.”
“To me, you are the same, young master. No matter what happens, please contact me first.”
To me, those words sounded as if Chief Bae viewed me as just another degenerate of the Cha family. That’s a bit disappointing. I want to be an even bigger degenerate.
“Can I really just trust Chief Bae? What if we get caught later and things get even worse? Wouldn’t it be better to just call the police, no matter what was done? Doesn’t surrendering lead to a reduced sentence? I’m a coward, so I feel anxious for some reason. They say there’s no such thing as a perfect crime.”
“Nothing bad will happen to you, Young Master. I guarantee it. Can’t you tell by the fact that nothing major has happened at home until now? You will always be safe.”
“……Like my second Hyung?”
“……Yes.”
“Is second Hyung still safe? There’s no chance he’ll get caught, right? I was so shocked after hearing second Hyung’s story. What if he gets arrested for talking so loudly about it? I was so, so worried that I wanted to confirm it with you, Chief Bae.”
“Yes, the second Young Master is also safe. Nothing remains that could link back to him. Even if the second Young Master continues to speak that way, there isn’t even a possibility of a reinvestigation based on his words alone.”
Yes, that’s it. That’s what I wanted to hear. That’s why I didn’t dream of leaving the little one to the judgment of the law. Because it’s obvious how rotten this neighborhood is.
“So, Young Master, please do not worry, and if anything happens, you must contact me first. Do you understand?”
Chief Bae asked me, speaking with emphasis as if seeking confirmation. I nodded quietly, and he stood up with an impeccable posture.
“If there is nothing more to say, I shall take my leave.”
He’s already standing, yet he speaks as if asking for permission. Nevertheless, I smiled, my eyes curving, and replied, “Yes.” Watching Chief Bae’s retreating figure, I uncrossed my legs. I leaned forward, burying my head between my knees, and let out a long sigh.
“Young Master.”
Lee Kyung-jin, who had appeared at some point, called me from behind.
“Mr. Lee.”
“Yes, Young Master.”
“I… I need a drive. Please take me out. Just get me out of this house….”
Take me anywhere. Anywhere is fine as long as I can leave this house, so please.
∞ ∞ ∞
“Mr. Lee.”
At my call, Lee Kyung-jin, who had been maintaining a quiet silence, turned around as if he had been waiting.
“Yes, please speak.”
“Turn down the heater. I can’t breathe.”
“My apologies.”
Perhaps he had turned on the heated seats before I got in; as I sat there, my backside felt like it was burning to death. Once he pressed the button to turn off the heating function and the heater quieted down, breathing became a bit easier.
“Mr. Lee. I’m sorry, but could you buy me a cup of coffee? I’d like it if you had one too and took your time. While you’re out, have a cigarette, go to the restroom—whatever. Just buy me a cup of coffee on your way back.”
I gave him an errand because if I simply asked for time alone, he would surely be shivering in the cold outside. Having grasped my intention, he hesitated for a moment and then opened the car door and stepped out. Watching Lee Kyung-jin’s back as he walked away slowly, I cast my gaze further.
I wanted to organize my thoughts, but I didn’t know what thoughts to organize or how. I didn’t even know what I should do after organizing them.
It felt bleak. Yes, that was the only thought that came to mind. It was just bleak.
I recalled my childhood. My parents, whose faces I could no longer clearly remember as they faded. What I did with them, how it was when we lived together—it was all blurry. One day they suddenly died, and in a state of disorientation, I was swept away and left at an orphanage.
An unfamiliar place, unfamiliar adults, and countless children like me. I couldn’t adapt and cried for days. Yet, nothing changed. When I woke up and opened my eyes, I was still at the orphanage, and there was no one who gave me any attention.
From that orphanage, I was sold to a back-alley gang and forced to beg. It was hot in the summer and cold in the winter. I can still remember my skin raw from heat rash and the backs of my hands cracked and bleeding from the cold wind. Flesh, cracked like a dried-up rice paddy in a drought, would tear and bleed red when pressed.
Then I was moved to another place and taught to pickpocket. Starved, beaten, starved again, and beaten again. They were never kind people. What they taught was certainly not a good thing. Even so, I couldn’t refuse or rebel.
Until the moment of death, Min Jae-hee’s life was always like that. It only ever got worse. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, something even worse happened, as if mocking me. Until the very, very end.
Sometimes I wonder. Is all of this truly just a coincidence? That I took over this body instead of Cha Soo-kyung and survived, that Cha Soo-kyung’s family is involved in the accident where my parents died—can these things be explained simply by relying on the word ‘coincidence’?
While I was leaning my forehead against the front seat with my head bowed, the back door opened quietly. Thinking Lee Kyung-jin had already returned, I turned my head, only to find an unexpected person climbing into the car.
“……How did you get here?”
“I stopped by while passing through.”
It was a joke that wasn’t even funny, but I laughed. If I keep laughing at things like this, he’ll get used to it. Even so, I readily surrendered my body to the arms reaching out.
“Our baby, why are you so gloomy? Did Grandfather scold you again?”
At some point, Kwon Yi-kang began calling me ‘our baby’ often. I shuddered at the cringeworthy term, but every time he called me that, Kwon Yi-kang had the face of a man in love, so in a way, I liked it.
“It’s not because of that, but… I’m gloomy. I’m sad. To the point where I want to cry.”
“You shouldn’t cry.”
I sat on his lap, facing him. Looking down at him from a height increased by about a palm’s width, I pressed my forehead against his. I became afraid that my despair would be unearthed by his staring gaze.
“Did I tell you that I like you a lot?”
“You did.”