By Zephyria 
“Soo-kyung.”
“You paranoid bastard. Don’t ever get married. I feel sorry for whoever marries you. You delusional, jealous prick.”
“Listen to me.”
As I stood up and gathered the clothes I had left behind, Kwon Yi-kang, who had stood up with me, grabbed my wrist.
“I was joking.”
“Joking? Bullshit. Do you think I don’t know you talk like that sometimes to test people? You’re just like your father. Are you worried I might have set my sights on your family’s great fortune? When did I ever ask you for anything? Take your gold frog or gold toad or whatever. Someone like you is annoying.”
At most, he gave me three frogs—no, toads—and he thinks I approached him to use him? He gave them to me of his own accord. I could easily buy gold toads with my card, or rather, my father’s card.
I can’t even drive the Benz, so the car key is just rolling around in a desk drawer, and the only time I’ve seen the actual car was once in a corner of Kwon Yi-kang’s apartment parking lot. As for the house he’s building, all I’ve seen are the blueprints.
Now that I think about it, it makes me angry. The title isn’t even in my name; it’s in his. I can’t even sell it, so how much of a help has it been to me?
“Seriously annoying. Anyone listening would think I’ve completely bled you dry. Hey, I’m giving those gold toads back. Take the car key shoved in the desk drawer, too. I’m sending them via courier as soon as I get home. Don’t come later saying you didn’t receive them.”
As I huffed and puffed while putting on my clothes, Kwon Yi-kang approached and embraced me. Trapped in his thick arms like I was bound by ropes, I couldn’t move an inch. When I twisted my body violently, he lifted me up and threw me back onto the bed.
“Hey!”
“Calm down.”
“Calm down? Wow, this is unbelievable. This is more absurd than slapping someone and asking why they’re angry. You’re so… ngh.”
As I spat out words in a torrent of rage, I felt a wave of air rushing over my body. It couldn’t be seen or touched, but a heavy energy, clearly different from air, pressed down on me. Like being swept away by a violent wind, my body lost control and twisted wildly at the incoming stimulation.
“Ah, aaah….”
My skin felt both ticklish and stinging. The dense air clung thick to my skin, layering up and pressing my body down. I wondered if this is what it feels like to fall into a swamp.
“You, hng… on purpose….”
I managed to squeeze out words while curling my body. At my voice, which sounded like a sob, Kwon Yi-kang, sitting beside me, wiped the sweat from my forehead.
“You’re erect. I sometimes wonder if it’s because you’re aroused or just an instinctive reaction. Soo-kyung, how does it feel?”
“It feels… like shit. Fuck.”
As I spat out the words, biting the inside of my cheek in my fading consciousness, Kwon Yi-kang smiled, his eyes curving. A hand entered between my naked legs and touched the tip of my member, which was leaking pre-cum.
“Don’t….”
“Tell me you like me.”
“Hng, ugh… I don’t want to.”
“Tell me you love me.”
The finger that had been gently rubbing the glans dug into the urethral opening with a nail. I clung to his arm in a pain that I couldn’t tell if it was pleasure or agony.
“Don’t, hng… ugh, stop. It hurts….”
“It hurts?”
He asked sweetly, looking down at me with eyes full of tenderness. I nodded, but contrary to my wish, he slowly stroked up my member. I threw my head back and let out a ragged breath at the electric stimulation.
“This kind of… hng, I hate this.”
“Why do you hate it? You said you like my pheromones. You said they were sweet.”
But it’s too forced. I feel like I’m being coerced into sudden arousal. Even though I’m not in the mood, nor is there a reason or an atmosphere for it. It was a stimulation akin to violence. The pheromones pressing down on me were thick and intense, and yes, violent.
“Shh, don’t cry. Why are you crying when it feels good?”
Kwon Yi-kang whispered in my ear, embracing my body as if pouncing on me. Soft kisses rained down on my exposed nape, but I couldn’t tell if that was genuine tenderness or a facade of kindness.
Licking away my endless tears, he hugged and stroked my body, and the violent pheromones gradually subsided and faded. I felt his pheromones, like a perfume dissolved in the air, gently enveloping my body and slowly calming my mind.
Sniffling, I turned my head to find Kwon Yi-kang’s lips. I sucked, licked, and nibbled on those moist lips. I rubbed my body against his soft skin and hugged his firm back.
“You bastard.”
As I hurled the insult with love, a faint smile leaked through the gap of the lips facing mine.
“I feel like I’m being raped. This feels fucking awful.”
“That’s not something to say while clinging to my body.”
“You said it first. That you have to be considerate of people who don’t like having relations while swept away by pheromones. That it’s violence and no different from rape. After saying all that, you just crushed me with your pheromones.”
At the time, I wondered why he was spouting such nonsense since we were both just horny and fucking, regardless of pheromones or heat cycles, but now that I’ve experienced it, I understand.
Only now do I realize what bullshit it is to claim you understand and empathize with others without having gone through it yourself. From now on, if someone tells me they understand how I feel, I’ll first make their situation similar to mine and tell them to feel it for themselves.
“I see. …I certainly did say that.”
“I misjudged you. You’re not kind. Just because you smile and speak kindly doesn’t mean you’re a kind person. Sometimes you say things that make people lose respect for you, and you act violently while pretending not to, just like now.”
As I spoke, I became sorrowful, and tears began to drip. As I struggled to swallow a sob that burst out, I heard a soothing voice saying, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, I messed up.”
The voice whispering in my ear was so sweet that I became even more sorrowful, knowing full well that I’d probably just let it slide again without any backbone.
“I don’t like you at all.”
“Soo-kyung, don’t cry. I was wrong. Okay?”
Avoiding the gaze trying to meet mine, I lowered my head and leaned my face against his shoulder. As I wiped my tears by rubbing my heated eyes against his firm shoulder, he showered kisses upon my sweat-dampened neck and ears.
“My body still tingles. It hurts.”
“I’ve withdrawn the pheromones. It’ll get better. It doesn’t hurt anymore, right?”
I just told you it hurts, what kind of bullshit is this? He’s not listening to a word I say and is just rambling as he pleases. As I shed a few more tears, Kwon Yi-kang slowly stroked my feverish back.
“Don’t do that anymore.”
“Why… do you dislike my pheromones now?”
“My body tingles and hurts too much. I can’t even think straight. And I hate it when you settle things that way. How is that any different from suppressing me with force because I’m angry after you did something wrong?”
“I’m sorry for that. I was wrong.”
I’m sorry. I messed up. The man who used to find it difficult to utter those words now speaks them with a sweet vibration in his throat, as if confessing his love. I realized belatedly that this bastard’s skin had grown quite thick.
“It felt like needles were being driven into my whole body. My mind went blank… it was dizzying, like falling off a cliff.”
“It seems you’ve become more sensitive to pheromones. It wasn’t this bad before.”
“Now that you mention it… it does seem that way. Sometimes I feel something even normally. Like the smell of food or flowers, things similar to that. It’s faint, but. I guess I’m getting used to this thing called pheromones.”
Still sniffling, but feeling a bit more stable, I spoke while twirling the hair at the back of Kwon Yi-kang’s head with my fingers. I felt pathetic, clinging to him and sniffling like this after calling him a bastard and a piece of shit just a moment ago.
“It’s annoying.”
“Why?”
“Because of you. I was definitely angry, but in the end, I’m clinging to you again without any backbone. It’s unfair.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I can’t feel any sincerity. There’s no soul in your apology.”
Having heard “I’m sorry” about ten times in a few minutes, I started to wonder if it had become Kwon Yi-kang’s new habit. At my reprimand, he let out a low laugh.
“I’m sorry for speaking unkindly, sorry for pouring out pheromones, sorry for not letting you be angry enough. And I’m sorry for making you cry.”
This time, an apology returned after a bit of thought, containing what seemed to be some actual soul.
“Do you always doubt people like that? You were thinking that in your head every time you met me, weren’t you? When you’ve given me absolutely nothing. If I’d actually eaten something from you, I wouldn’t feel so wronged by such suspicion.”
“I find it hard to believe that you like me. Sometimes it feels like a dream, and since I know I’m not that emotional of a person, I eventually question your sincerity. Maybe it is a ‘suspicion disease’ as you say.”
This guy really has a problem. I know it’s impolite to ask about people someone met in the past, but at this moment, I became curious. Whether he truly had no one, or if he had, whether he broke up for reasons like this.
“What does your family do? What does your father do? Where is your company? Just how prestigious is your family and how much money do you have to live with such a victim complex?”
“I find it hard to believe that you don’t know that.”
“I can’t even remember my own parents’ names, so how would I know you? Even if I’d met you before, I wouldn’t remember. Are you some celebrity whose face everyone knows? Are you the President? At most, you’re just one of many rich people, so why are you acting so superior all by yourself?”
Even if it were a celebrity on TV, I might or might not know their face; how would I know the face of a Chairman’s son, who isn’t even the Chairman himself?
“Now that I think about it, that’s true.”
“It’s not ‘now that you think about it.’ If you picked a hundred Koreans and asked, ninety-nine of them wouldn’t know you. Maybe all hundred wouldn’t. Stop acting so superior. It’s embarrassing for the person listening. Where does this baseless confidence come from?”
“I shall reflect on it.”
He spoke calmly with a face that showed absolutely no reflection.
“Say that kind of thing one more time. I really won’t let it slide then. There’s nothing more unsightly than a bastard who’s given nothing saying things like that. If you want to be suspicious, give me something first. Put this apartment, or land in Gangnam, or a building—put the title of something like that in my name first.”
At my remark, he shook with laughter. As if something had occurred to him, he responded.
“Come to think of it, I intended to put the house I’m building in your name once it’s completed. It’s a pity it’ll take a while.”
“Yes, things like that. Change the title first and then talk. Then, even if it’s annoying, I’ll endure it once.”
If you say that kind of thing with only three golden toads, I’ll get angry. If you want to be suspicious, at least give me something I couldn’t buy with my own ability. At my point, he nodded, saying he understood.