By Zephyria 
“I am glad that you rely on me, but in Mak Slecht, are there not far more believers who rely on Lord Biyendwe? They offer their faith to you and elevate your divine name; they are the believers you ought to shoulder.”
“…….”
“Does Lord Biyendwe wish to become a god who abandons the believers who trust in you for the sake of personal desire?”
While it was Kim Si-baek who had widely spread the name of the young god, whose name few had known, it was the countless nameless believers who had proven their devotion through pure faith. Were they not the very source of belief that allowed him to maintain his avatar for long periods and supported Kim Si-baek in manifesting divine power?
Choosing to stay with Kim Si-baek was tantamount to abandoning all the believers who offered him their faith. Of course, he could do so. There were no other believers on Earth to rebuke his choice.
However, the result of that choice was clear. The believers of Mak Slecht would gradually realize they had been abandoned by their god, and Biyendwe, deprived of faith, would not only fail to maintain his avatar but would degenerate into an even more insignificant god than before. All while bearing the stigma of having abandoned his own followers.
Biyendwe was no longer the young god who could be content simply enjoying leisure under his sister’s shadow in the underworld. Above all, he knew Kim Si-baek would not wish for him to make such a selfish choice.
Lifting a wing, Biyendwe vigorously rubbed his eyes, which looked as if they were about to overflow with tears, and puffed out his chest. He then met the complicated gaze of Kim Si-baek, who had pushed him into making a difficult decision without giving him time to prepare.
[I tell you that I am grateful for Death and Beauty. I declare that your god shall become a god who is not shameful before my apostle.]
Now that Biyendwe had firmed his resolve, Kim Si-baek could not continue to show only his bitter heartache. Hoping that their final moment would be remembered with a smile, Kim Si-baek wore a gentle expression.
By taking steps like this, the young god would one day complete his spiritual growth. It was a pity that he would not be there to see it, but as this was also his own choice, he had no regrets.
Gloiuken, who had received Biyendwe, also bid farewell with a smile.
“Many people will be saddened. I, too, will miss Your Excellency dearly.”
“Likewise.”
“However, our situation seems better. Your Excellency possesses nothing of your own, but in Mak Slecht, there are many photographs and video records of you. For example, videos of you singing while drunk during a festival.”
“……You filmed that?”
“How could I possibly not film such a thing?”
Kim Si-baek groaned and pressed the bridge of his nose. His memory had cut out in the middle; he hoped he hadn’t done anything strange… Then, he let out a small chuckle. Even if he had done something strange, it was a relief if it could be remembered with longing.
Nasluik sobbed, his face full of lingering attachment.
“Must you even withdraw the divine power? If the divine power remains connected, perhaps you could be linked again someday.”
Kim Si-baek shook his head lightly.
“Since Chaos received my entire life in Mak Slecht as an offering, there is no way it would allow such a convenience.”
The mere fact that Chaos granted them a brief moment to say goodbye could be considered an act of generosity. Gloiuken, holding Biyendwe, who looked determined, stepped closer.
“You worked hard.”
With a voice straining to hold back tears, Biyendwe lifted a wing and stroked Kim Si-baek’s forehead. Simultaneously, the divine script engraved upon his spirit and body glowed with a light similar to divine power and spread outward. The divine script, spreading like an aura, gently enveloped Kim Si-baek’s body as if reluctant to part, before seeping back into Biyendwe’s wing.
Kim Si-baek lightly clenched and unclenched his fist. From this moment on, he was no longer the apostle nor the priest of Death and Beauty. With the divine power that had accompanied most of his life gone, the feeling of his physical body becoming heavy was not merely a trick of the mind.
Though he had truly become a mere human now, Kim Si-baek gave his final greeting to his god with unchanging affection.
“Chaos has taken my future, but these memories and emotions are still mine. With all my sincerity, I pray that you become a proper god.”
“……Si-baek.”
“Many more believers who trust in Lord Biyendwe will appear in the future, and one day you will welcome a new apostle. If I may dare to be greedy for one thing, please do not forget that in a place very far away, there is an ordinary believer who still holds faith in you.”
Then, as if to lighten the mood, he gave a deliberate, bright smile.
“Han-gyeol will also believe in Lord Biyendwe for the time being.”
Biyendwe nodded vigorously, fearing that tears would truly fall if he opened his beak. Gloiuken gently hugged Kim Si-baek’s shoulder before letting go. Kim Si-baek untied the sonas from his wrist and handed it to her.
“Like this sonas, I hope Your Excellency remains happy.”
“Yes. He will be happy.”
“If we delay any further, Chaos may grow wrathful. We shall return now.”
“Stay healthy, everyone.”
“When I return, I will produce a life-size statue that captures Your Excellency’s likeness exactly!”
Gloiuken, tucking Nasluik—who had finally collapsed on the floor, dripping with lingering regret—under her arm, walked toward the rift with Biyendwe perched atop her head. At a glance, she seemed to be bidding farewell calmly, but she was the person who had shared a bond with him for longer than anyone. She was likely controlling herself, knowing that if she showed weakness, Biyendwe and Nasluik might not be able to leave.
Just before her foot crossed the rift, Biyendwe finally burst into tears and shouted.
“Si-baek! I will cherish your memory for my entire life!”
The entire life of a god—he had received a truly precious gift. Kim Si-baek was grateful that he could bid farewell to his god and those he cherished with a smile.
Gloiuken’s broad back completely disappeared beyond the rift, and the moment he blinked, the energy that had torn through the air was entirely gone. Kim Si-baek unconsciously reached out to touch the empty air where the rift had been, feeling a sense of smugness.
He could still feel the small weight of Biyendwe on his crown, and it felt as if the voices of Gloiuken and Nasluik were chasing after him from somewhere, yet the surroundings were silent. He chewed over the sudden surge of emptiness before closing his eyes.
The present and future he chose were right here. He would not be able to forget the emptiness entirely, but he had to get used to it.
Now then, let’s go find Un-i.
It was time to find the child who would be waiting for him.
Taking a deep breath, he slowly stepped down the stairs from the rooftop. Only now was he able to descend from the rooftop he had climbed decades ago while carrying a laundry basket.
He walked slowly through the interior of the orphanage, where not a single sign of human presence could be felt. Traces of the children using it as a temporary shelter and the marks of the magical beasts that had covered them remained everywhere, but only Tae-un was nowhere to be seen. He had heard that the host of an Id Portal is found nearby; had something gone wrong?
As he pondered, a single scene suddenly flashed through Kim Si-baek’s mind. The image of a young Tae-un standing beneath the arborvitae tree in the backyard. Since the back door of the orphanage was closer if he took the shortcut, he usually came that way, and on the days he was meant to arrive, Tae-un would wait there silently.
He ran to the backyard in one breath. The arborvitae tree had long since been broken, but a small, thin child lay collapsed against the stump. A child wearing dirty, soot-stained clothes—the child he had just rescued from the fire in the semi-basement room.
“……Un-ah.”
A soft smile played on his lips, and the heart that had been filled with emptiness finally became full. Kim Si-baek carefully picked up the child so as not to wake him. The weight held in his arms provided a new sense of stability.
Since this weight was his choice, this land where the child resided was the foundation upon which he would live from now on. Kim Si-baek sat, leaning his back against the stump of the arborvitae tree where Tae-un had always waited for him. And he waited quietly for Tae-un to wake up.
✽ ✽ ✽
Every human is born once and dies once. If so, what on earth was he, who continued to be reborn even after death? Was he not a monster? In the mind of the child who had died and returned for the tenth time, only that one phrase remained etched. I am a monster. Because I am a monster, no matter how many times I die, I come back to life only to die again.
198 – Finale