By Zephyria 
“…….”
Kim Si-baek couldn’t answer and clutched his forehead. His question was also directed at his past self—the version of him from a long time ago who had pretended not to notice the heat in the child’s eyes starting from when Tae-un was fourteen, or perhaps even earlier, to a point he couldn’t even remember. There was no way he could answer.
“……I told you not to hide anything unusual, so what are you doing?”
“It’s strange, Hyung.”
Tae-un slowly clenched and unclenched his fist. The black leather gloves, which he wore so often they felt like his own bare skin, made a sound distinctly different from the friction of skin.
“I felt it faintly before whenever I lightly touched your divine power, but now that I’ve fully penetrated it, it feels incredibly strange. Every cell in my body is waking up; it feels as vivid as if my eyeballs were plucked out, washed clean, and put back in. I don’t know how long this feeling will last, but right now, I feel like I could see exactly what paintings were on the walls of that apartment in the Id Portal.”
“…….”
“My sense of touch and my nerves have become incredibly sensitive, too……”
Tae-un took off the glove from his right hand. His white hand, illuminated by the lighting magical tool floating high in the air, was so pale it looked almost bluish. Unlike the desperate way he had clung and kissed moments ago, his bloodless hand slowly made contact with Kim Si-baek’s face.
It was cold. The chill of the hand, so pale that the veins were visible, felt less like a human’s and more like a corpse’s……
Before the thought could continue, Tae-un’s fingers slowly cradled Kim Si-baek’s face. From the straight forehead and the eyebrows that curved softly as if reflecting his nature, to the dense eyelashes beneath the monolid eyes, the eyes that held a certain steadfastness, the well-formed bridge of the nose, the neat cheeks, and down to the full lips. The pale fingers meticulously traced his face.
Feeling as though Tae-un was reading his face through the sensation of his fingertips rather than his eyes to carve it into his memory, Kim Si-baek stood still, swallowing the words that bunched up in his chest. He felt he had to.
Tae-un’s hand rubbed the lower lip, which had become reddish and swollen from the rough kiss, then slid slowly down to the chin and flowed toward the Adam’s apple before dropping abruptly into the air. A slow breath escaped the lips of Tae-un, who had not breathed while engraving his face.
“I’m sorry for kissing you suddenly, Hyung.”
“…….”
“But I really couldn’t help it. While this heightened sensitivity was mine, I wanted to carve everything into my senses—what your lips taste like, how hotly our breaths entwine, and how you react to a kiss.”
“…….”
“It would have been better if we could have had sex, though.”
In the end, it came back to that. Kim Si-baek composed his expression and slowly opened his mouth.
“Un-ah, it was 21 years ago that you liked me. You were a child, so it’s possible you just looked at an adult nearby because they seemed better than others your age, and you might have mistaken that for liking me. But those things all……”
“Do you think I haven’t thought about that?”
Tae-un softly but firmly cut off Kim Si-baek’s attempt to reason with him. He put the glove back on his right hand, a casual smile playing on his lips.
“’Hyung will be troubled if he finds out I like him,’ ‘First loves never come true anyway,’ ‘Maybe I’m mistaking admiration for first love,’ ‘Hyung only saved me out of goodwill, so I shouldn’t harbor strange feelings alone’…… I’ve thought of everything. There isn’t a single thought I haven’t had.”
“…….”
“But Hyung.”
Despite reciting his own thoughts and emotions, Tae-un’s voice was strangely dry. He explained it before Kim Si-baek as if he were observing a stranger named ‘Tae-un’ rather than himself.
“Hyung saved me when I might have died in that semi-basement room, and your life was ruined because of me. Even so, you gave me a name and held my hand.”
The dry voice became distant, like a dream, as he listed the past one by one.
“Usually, it’s parents who give a name. To that child, Hyung was his parent, his world, and his everything. Was there any future where that child wouldn’t love the one person who was his everything?”
“……That name……”
“I know. That it was instead of your dead brother. Even so, that child loved everything about it.”
The low voice gradually returned to the original Tae-un.
“I really love my name, Hyung.”
Kim Si-baek’s tongue froze at the composure of his smile. When had he found out that he had been given the same name as the deceased brother? Because Kim Si-baek had also been young at the time, he had not only overlapped him with his brother but had even given him his brother’s name; however, looking back later, he felt it was a terrible thing to do to Tae-un and could never bring himself to confess it.
“……The Chinese characters are different.”
“I wouldn’t have cared even if the characters were the same.”
Tae-un smiled mischievously and grasped Kim Si-baek’s hand. His smiling face was the same as when he was a child, but the low voice that softly licked and the lips that pressed firmly against the back of his hand were unmistakably those of an adult man.
“Do you still feel like that child’s first love is just an immature puppy love to be forgotten?”
“……No.”
Kim Si-baek took a breath and repeated slowly, as if reminding himself.
“No. That’s why it’s even more impossible.”
“Why?”
“I can’t accept your feelings, Un-ah. For someone who must return, leaving behind hasty emotions like dating or love is far too irresponsible.”
“Hmm.”
Tae-un frowned and tilted his head crookedly.
“I think there’s some misunderstanding…… I’m not particularly saying I want to date you, Hyung. I’m not asking you to accept the feelings of liking you.”
“……Eh? Then what?”
“I’ve been saying it from the start. Sex. I want to have sex. Since it’s just adding sex to our current relationship, nothing much will actually change, right?”
“…….”
For a moment, it felt as if a throbbing headache were surging, and Kim Si-baek groaned, pressing his forehead.
“……So, you’re saying you just want to sleep with me?”
“Yes. To put it simply, sex partners.”
Kim Si-baek tried to endure it by reminding his brain that the Tae-un before him was 35, not 14. He tried and struggled. But the more he did, the more the image of the pure, innocent child floated in his mind, and the stubborn 97-year-old finally snapped, beginning to slap Tae-un’s back.
“Tae-un! Sex partners! Who did you learn such a thing from! Did you go to clubs at night, drink, dance, and have one-night stands with anyone? Huh?!”
“Ow, ow. Ow. Hyung, that really hurts. Is your hand still this stinging? Ow ow.”
“Are you still going to those places?!”
“Nooo…… I’ve never been to a club, and the club rat is Pi Min-hyeong, Pi Min-hyeong.”
“What?!”
“Though he stopped after he had a kid.”
“Min-hyung has a kid! When did he get married?”
“He didn’t get married.”
“……!”
“He already has two kids.”
“Just how old was he when he caused that accident!”
Tae-un, who had deftly escaped by offering Pi Min-hyeong as a sacrificial lamb, rubbed his stinging back while Kim Si-baek was in shock. The stinging pain actually made him laugh. He was glad that he still had the senses to feel Kim Si-baek.
Tae-un pressed close to the completely drained Kim Si-baek and whispered suggestively in his ear.
“Should we have sex here? I’m certainly down for outdoor play.”
“I’m not doing it!”
“Aw, don’t be like that. It’s been a long time since you’ve done it, so your desires must be quite built up. Since you’ve never had sex with a man, if going straight for the penetration is a bit much, how about starting with a handjob?”
“Hand—”
His hand reflexively flew toward the back to tell him not to use such words, but upon meeting Tae-un’s gaze, Kim Si-baek clenched his fist. It was undoubtedly a look filled with anticipation. What on earth was he anticipating?
“…….”
Kim Si-baek looked at his own hand, which had been raised to hit the back.
“……No, forget it. Forget it.”
After lowering his hand and shaking his head, he walked away briskly, and Tae-un followed closely, suddenly hugging him from behind around the waist.
“…….”
A small glint appeared in Tae-un’s eyes. Until a few hours ago, Kim Si-baek would have been slightly tense if he hugged his waist or engaged in deep skinship, but this time, after a single flinch, he remained calm.
This reaction was so like Kim Si-baek that a smile crept out. It seemed he had chosen to handle the primitive desire for sex rather than the heavy, unrequited affection of a one-sided love that could not be repaid. Perhaps that increased the possibilities a little.
Suppressing the urge to press his lips and bite into the white nape of the neck revealed beneath the dark hair, he instead merely rubbed the skin gently with his fingertips.
“Can I seduce you?”
“……Don’t.”
Though it was a firm rejection, even if his energy was spent, Tae-un, who had grown up being pampered and loved by his Hyung, had not the slightest intention of listening to him from the start.