By Zephyria 
Haon’s eyelashes trembled slightly.
His expression was that of someone whose secret, which must never be discovered, had been revealed. Even though he knew this would only make In-ho more suspicious, his shaking pupils wouldn’t settle.
“That’s… I, I was going to tell you….”
As he struggled to speak, he broke into a fit of coughing. Having missed his chance to explain, Haon closed his eyes tight, letting out a dry cough. His throat felt as if it were tearing apart. The loud thumping of his heart rose up into his throat, making the pain feel even more agonizing.
I-In-ho.
Suddenly, In-ho stood up from the bed. Reflexively, Haon grabbed the hem of In-ho’s clothes to hold him back. Unable to make a sound because the coughing wouldn’t stop, he pleaded with his eyes for In-ho not to leave.
“I’ll just get some water.”
Reading Haon’s gaze, In-ho gently patted his shaking shoulders. Even as he said he’d be right back, Haon wouldn’t let go of his clothes, so In-ho added a soft smile. Only then did the strength leave Haon’s grip.
“Stay lying down. Don’t get up.”
As In-ho spoke with a smile, Haon slowly nodded, covering his mouth. Despite this, the anxiety pooled in his round eyes did not fade in the slightest.
What on earth made Haon feel so small? Hiding his aching heart behind a smile, In-ho left the bedroom.
Going down to the kitchen, he put a small amount of finely ground rice porridge and warm water on a tray. Since Haon wouldn’t be able to eat solid food yet, he didn’t prepare anything else. He wanted to feed Haon everything in sight since he had grown so thin again, but he couldn’t.
Shaking off a deep sense of helplessness with a light laugh, he returned to Haon.
Haon was sitting on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor. He was waiting for In-ho in a posture that looked as if he might stand up at any moment.
“Do you think you can eat this much?”
In-ho’s lips curled upward as he looked at Haon. As he approached, showing him the bowl, Haon quickly nodded. He answered without even looking at the contents of the bowl, keeping his eyes fixed solely on In-ho’s face.
“The person… I met during my first heat….”
Holding the glass of water In-ho handed him, Haon spoke in a cracked voice. Without even thinking to drink the water, he hurriedly moved his lips to explain first. His face was fraught with urgency.
“It was my first time back then, so I was more out of it… I didn’t even know what I should have asked.”
Haon paused for a moment, blinking rapidly as he sank into thought. It seemed his words were getting tangled inside.
Frustrated, he sighed and instinctively tried to hit his own forehead. Stopping him, In-ho gently grasped the wrist holding the glass and made him moisten his throat first.
“You can speak slowly. I’m not going anywhere.”
His eyes already reddened, Haon took a small breath and pressed his lips to the glass. Even while drinking, his gaze remained glued to In-ho.
In-ho sat closer, their knees touching as he looked at Haon, who was staring intently at him. Despite being told he wasn’t going anywhere, Haon subtly gripped In-ho’s sleeve.
“I didn’t know he was married… really….”
Haon rambled, saying that if he had known, he wouldn’t have stayed at the motel.
“I… it’s true that I approached him first, but….”
His face flushing red, Haon rubbed his face with his hands and looked down. He thought that since In-ho had already gone to meet that man, he would know the whole situation. If it were that man, he probably would have made up stories that never happened. He was the kind of person capable of doing that.
Above all, even if he told only the truth, Haon didn’t feel honorable.
“It was just so sudden, the heat came….”
It had been the first time. Not long after moving to Seoul, when everything was unfamiliar, the most unfamiliar reaction had occurred in his own body. At the time, he truly thought he was going to die. His body was burning, and he felt a hunger as if his stomach were tearing apart. He had grabbed anyone he could and begged them to save him. He remembered up to that point.
“That p-person probably didn’t do it because he wanted to do it with me, but….”
In-ho, who had been listening quietly, pulled down the white hand that was rubbing Haon’s face. He entwined their fingers one by one and gripped both hands tightly. Without a word.
“I really didn’t know… please believe me.”
Haon continued to mumble in a trembling voice. Even though similar words were repeating like a refrain, In-ho simply listened in silence.
“I won’t… do it again….”
Finishing his sentence in an uncertain tone, Haon squeezed In-ho’s hand tightly. He felt as if In-ho might get fed up with him and leave. Out of fear, he kept staring down at the blanket, taking long breaths.
“Have you told me everything?”
Soon, In-ho broke the silence and asked.
Hearing his gentle voice, Haon pressed his lips tight and answered that he had. Since he had already confessed everything, there were no more explanations to give.
Mr. Haon.
However, In-ho felt there was still something left to hear.
Calling his name, In-ho used his finger to gently lift Haon’s slender chin. It was to make eye contact, but with his chin lifted, Haon continued to avoid his gaze.
“Why don’t you tell me why that bastard hurt you?”
At In-ho’s following question, Haon looked at him.
“To me, that’s the most important part.”
Haon’s pupils, fixed on In-ho, quickly grew moist. Haon opened and closed his mouth, but in the end, he couldn’t answer and only swallowed a wet breath. He couldn’t make a sound right now.
“I don’t care if that guy is married or if he has children.”
Stroking Haon’s cheek, In-ho kissed his moist eyes and then his hot forehead in succession.
“That bastard tormented you. You should have told me that.”
At the whisper that followed in a tender tone, Haon’s tears finally burst. His lips trembling, Haon grabbed In-ho’s waist with both arms and buried his face in his chest.
“I was the one… who wanted to… I begged him to, please….”
Hiding in In-ho’s embrace, he told him everything the Alphas had said to him. ‘I only slept with you because you asked for it first.’ That excuse, which he had heard until his ears bled, had caused Haon’s self-reproach to grow and prevented him from blaming anyone.
“They said… it was because I was sick….”
That made Haon feel sorrowful. It was a grief that Haon himself hadn’t even recognized.
After that, Haon sobbed, describing how roughly the Alphas had treated him, how they had shouted at him in a terrifying tone, and how they wouldn’t let him go home even after the heat ended. Because he had accumulated so many wounds, he spoke without even taking a breath.
Haon poured out all his emotions to In-ho. However, it always ended in self-reproach. Like a habit.
“I did, hic, ask to do it, but….”
“No. That’s all bullshit.”
Whispering into Haon’s ear, In-ho hugged the thin body with all his might. He stopped speaking for a moment and simply patted Haon’s back.
The small, mumbling voice within his arms was so sorrowful that even In-ho’s eyes began to redden.
“You pushed them away with all your might.”
In-ho whispered, stroking the back of Haon’s head. He told him that even after he had lost his reason, the fact remained that he had been wary of the Alphas.
He should have told him sooner.
“Those bastards are the ones who are bad. You did nothing wrong, Haon.
By holding back his words for fear of breaking Haon, who felt as if he would shatter even if held preciously, he had only allowed the wounds to grow. This wasn’t something that could be solved simply by cherishing him.
Did I… push In-ho away too…?”
Listening intently to In-ho’s comfort, Haon slowly lifted his face.
Nodding, In-ho wiped away the tears clinging to Haon’s long eyelashes and continued to explain.
“You didn’t even want to cross the inner entryway. I’m the one who forced you inside. The other guys probably were the same.”
Haon seemed surprised by this fact, which he was learning for the first time.
With a blank expression, he leaned his cheek against In-ho’s palm, which was wiping away his tears. As the tension released, Haon’s shoulders slumped.
In-ho carefully laid Haon’s face on the pillow and adjusted his posture so his arms and legs could stretch out. Then, sitting at the head of the bed, he wiped away the rest of Haon’s tears as if it were his own task.
“Want some water?”
Shaking his head, Haon opened his reddened lips.
“…….”
Then, as if about to say something, he hesitated and simply gripped In-ho’s hand tightly. He didn’t shed any more tears.
In-ho covered him with the blanket and pointed to the tray on the nightstand. When he asked with his eyes if he could eat some porridge, Haon’s head moved horizontally again.
“Then what should I give you?”
In-ho asked, sensing that Haon needed something.
“I’ll give you everything. Anything at all.”
Haon, staring intently at him, seemed to want something. If it wasn’t water or food, then what could it be?
Telling him to say whatever it was, In-ho kissed Haon. At the same time, Haon wrapped his arms around In-ho’s neck.
Instead of words, Haon answered with his body. That he needed nothing else but In-ho.
Pulling In-ho’s neck toward him, Haon was the first to delve into his mouth. Without hesitation, he parted the line of In-ho’s lips with the tip of his tongue and even swept across the roof of In-ho’s mouth.
In-ho’s body, which had been perched at the head of the bed, gradually tilted onto the mattress.
Haon frantically licked In-ho’s lips, entwined their tongues, and sucked the air out of his mouth. As if trying to fill his starving heart with In-ho.
In-ho…”
Breathing heavily, Haon bumped his nose against In-ho’s and looked at him.
In-ho kept his eyes open. He didn’t want to miss a single moment of Haon’s expression as he kissed him first.
In his dark pupils, Haon’s face, flushed with fever, was reflected.
“I want to do it.”
Haon spoke with all his heart, hoping that his feelings would finally reach him.