FHO 36

“I don’t. Not once.”

Despite repeating himself, In-ho’s stiff expression didn’t soften. He looked as if he didn’t believe a word Haon was saying.

“It’s true… I really don’t.”

Lacking any talent for lying, Haon avoided eye contact, repeating the same words over and over. Fearing his inner thoughts might be read, he even shook his head, trying his best to clear his mind.

“This is the first time I’ve been hit. I don’t get into fights.”

He clenched both fists, trying to sound bold. It was an attempt to look strong, but his small, rounded fists only looked infinitely fragile.

In-ho cupped Haon’s face, preventing him from shaking his head. Perhaps conscious of his own expression, the corners of his mouth curved into their usual soft arc.

“If you tell me honestly, I’ll punish them for you.”

However, because his gaze had turned cold, he didn’t look like he was smiling at all.

“I can punish anyone.”

“…….”

“If you want, Haon-ssi, I can even make them apologize.”

If someone leaves a mark on a person, they should be punished.

In-ho stroked the left side of Haon’s eye, where a red capillary had burst, waiting for an affirmative answer.

“I’m… okay.”

But Haon’s head moved in a direction contrary to In-ho’s expectations.

“I’m the one who did something wrong first, so there’s no need for an apology.”

Haon’s voice rang out calmly as he shook his head. It was fortunate that he was looking down and couldn’t see In-ho’s expression. If he had, his heart would have plummeted.

“And I’m the one who should apologize. There are so many people who suffered because of me….”

Haon’s voice trailed off as he scratched his cheek, only to be stopped by In-ho. He kept forgetting his cheek was injured, his hand moving out of habit.

“What kind of harm did you cause, Haon-ssi?”

In-ho asked, holding Haon’s hand. Seeing that cold, sunken gaze too late, Haon lost his voice, his lips merely twitching.

“I’m not angry.”

Forcing a smile with his eyes, In-ho told him to answer comfortably. Even after hearing that, Haon shut his mouth tight. He felt that the more he spoke, the more he would upset In-ho.

In-ho, who always showed a smiling face, was terrifying when he looked cold. Avoiding that chilly gaze, Haon bowed his head so deeply that his chin nearly touched his chest. He intended to remain silent, but—

“Hic.”

An inconsiderate hiccup escaped from his throat.

“Hic, hic!”

Haon’s shoulders jumped as he clamped a hand over his mouth. He covered it firmly with both hands, but the sound didn’t diminish. What should he do? Should he just go back to his room?

“Drink this.”

At that moment, In-ho pressed a wine glass into Haon’s hand. He handed him alcohol, not water.

Haon obediently gulped down the wine quickly. Thanks to that, the hiccups soon stopped. Consequently, the alcohol hit him just as quickly.

“Haon-ssi.”

In-ho, sitting on the floor with his knees bent, looked up at Haon. Haon, who was still keeping his head down, responded to the call with a gentle smile. Drinking something sweet had put him in a better mood.

“Now it’s your turn to answer.”

In-ho lightly rested his arm on the edge of Haon’s knee. To an outsider, it looked like an affectionate touch, but it was a contact intended to keep him from getting up until he answered. Of course, Haon was unaware of this.

“Who did you cause harm to?”

“I, um… well….”

He continued his answer with slurred pronunciation, leaning his head against the haze of alcohol. The slight weight of In-ho’s arm on his knee made his thoughts slow down even further.

“The bosses at my part-time jobs… and the people I worked with. And….”

He let out a sigh, pressing his trembling lips firmly with his hand. Suddenly, his chest felt tight, as if it were piled high with heavy stones. Did I eat something wrong? No, I haven’t eaten anything today.

“And?”

In-ho asked again, looking at the unfocused Haon. Instead of his cheek, Haon fiddled with his lips and added in a small voice.

“The people I slept with.”

He answered while recalling the Alphas who had passed through his life.

“Ha….”

At that, In-ho rubbed the corner of his eye and let out a faint laugh. Or perhaps it was a sigh.

Haon leaned his upper body toward him, thinking he could tell if it was a laugh or a sigh by looking at his face.

Ah, it was a sigh. Realizing this, Haon’s head slumped forward again.

“I can overlook the bosses and colleagues.”

In-ho sat fully on the floor to continue the conversation.

“But what is there to be sorry to those bastards for?”

What is there? There were plenty of things to be sorry for. There were so many that the question felt baffling.

“What are you so sorry for? What did you do wrong, Haon-ssi?”

However, Haon couldn’t answer readily. He only rolled his eyes around, swallowing hard against his burning throat. Perhaps because of the alcohol, his eyes were strangely moist.

“…If I had managed my body better, nothing would have happened.”

He mumbled like a child, pressing his trembling lips again.

He didn’t want to go into detail, but since In-ho was curious, he forced the words out. In his heart, he wanted to move on to another topic now.

“I didn’t even like them, but I slept with them because I felt sorry for them… so I’m sorry. Very much.”

Would this be a sufficient answer?

Having finished speaking, Haon glanced at In-ho’s glass and asked if he wanted more wine. It was his own attempt to change the subject.

“Did they tell you that? That you slept with them because you felt sorry for them?”

But In-ho didn’t seem to have any intention of ending the conversation.

As Haon gave a faint nod, In-ho took the hand that kept touching the split lip and pulled it down, interlocking their fingers.

“Do you remember who said that?”

In-ho wrapped his hand completely around the back of Haon’s hand, his eyes curving. He pulled the corners of his mouth up into a brighter smile, guiding Haon to answer without hesitation. He knew that Haon, who was very cautious, was sensitive to changes in expression.

“Just… everyone said it.”

It was a vague answer, but it was all true. Haon shrugged one shoulder and let out a long sigh. How much longer would this unpleasant conversation continue?

The more he spoke, the more his heart ached. Intangible emotions weighing heavily on his chest made Haon miserable.

“It’s okay, because it’s all because I was sick.”

Haon attributed everything he had experienced to his strange heat symptoms. Therefore, he couldn’t blame or resent anyone. It all happened because he was too weak.

“I forget things easily anyway. After some time, I won’t even remember being hit.”

As he trailed off, saying he was stupid, In-ho’s hand approached his face. He touched Haon’s cheek very slowly so as not to startle him.

“I understand.”

Until In-ho wiped away the tears, Haon hadn’t even realized he was crying.

“I’m sorry for keep asking.”

In-ho apologized for making him bring up painful stories and wiped away the tears clinging to the long corners of his eyes. However, the more he comforted him, the more tears flowed.

Haon grit his teeth and tried to open his eyes wide to dry the tears, but it had no effect. It only made In-ho’s hand wetter.

“I’m… sorry….”

His hand had become damp from wiping Haon’s face. Moreover, he had wiped away not just tears, but dirty mucus as well. With his bare hand.

Haon stood up to find a tissue, but was caught by In-ho again. Pulling Haon’s wrist to bring him back to his seat, In-ho wore a forced smile.

“You promised me you wouldn’t apologize, Haon-ssi.”

“I… I did?”

In-ho nodded and wiped away the remaining tears.

Instead of his damp palm, he used the back of his hand to rub the wet corners of the eyes, and his eyes curved at Haon’s subsequent question. This time, it was a sincere smile.

“Then what should I say?”

Haon was curious. When he felt the other person might be offended or angry, if he didn’t apologize, what else was he supposed to say?

“I don’t know….”

Apologizing had become such a habit for so long that no other words came to mind.

“You should tell them not to get angry so recklessly.”

Rising from the floor, In-ho took a sip of alcohol and faced Haon again.

“Even if you did something wrong, just think that you didn’t. You’re allowed to do that, Haon-ssi.”

When advised to be unconditionally brazen, Haon’s gentle eyes only blinked quietly, as if such a thing were impossible.

I suppose that’s a difficult task for Haon-ssi.

In-ho finished his drink and pondered the right words. There were so many things he wanted to tell Haon that he couldn’t decide where to start.

Right, since there’s no guarantee he’ll remember this conversation anyway, I’ll save the important talk for later. Having organized his thoughts, In-ho added a soft smile.

“I want you to be honest, Haon-ssi.”

Holding the empty glass, he leaned his hand on the table, closing the distance between himself and Haon. He gazed intently into Haon’s hazy eyes, ensuring the intoxicated man focused on him.

“Tell me everything, even the smallest things. Exactly as you remember them, all of it.”

If he told him things one by one like that, wouldn’t Haon’s personality change?

In-ho vowed to change Haon’s personality during the year and a half they would spend together. If he continued living like this, it was certain that something even worse would happen. He could clearly envision a horrific future.

“If you want more alcohol, ask for more. If my expression bothers you, ask if I’m angry right now.”

He continued, brushing back the hair that had fallen over those round eyes. Once he heard an answer, he planned to put Haon to sleep.

“Got it? Be honest.”

In-ho’s softly flowing voice suddenly cut off. It was because Haon had blocked his mouth.

“…….”

Stopping his speech, In-ho simply looked at Haon, who was covering his mouth, for a moment. With his eyes tightly shut, Haon was blocking In-ho’s mouth with his own lips.

Despite being the one to initiate the kiss, he couldn’t pull In-ho closer or embrace him. He simply tilted his chin up and pushed his lips forward. He didn’t move an inch, as if he had frozen in place.

In-ho blinked slowly, watching quietly out of curiosity to see what Haon was doing, and then, hearing the loud, thumping beat of a heart, he slowly moved his hand. He gently wrapped his hand around the nape of Haon’s neck and naturally tilted his head.

“Right. Like this.”

Haon’s lips, paralyzed by tension, slid open. In-ho pushed his tongue through the small gap, wrapping his arm around Haon’s trembling, lean waist.