By Zephyria 
In many ways, it was faster than expected.
Was it because I’d been clinging to him every morning lately? Or perhaps it was because Mikael had been having frequent secret conversations with Walter Orgen recently. Speaking of which, it might have been because I’d brought up the topic of same-sex marriage. Or maybe Miss Philodendore had done something… No, that’s not it. Her help would only be possible after Mikael realized his feelings for me.
Regardless, Mikael Ernhardt never once moved according to my expectations.
That’s why it had been so difficult all along, but this time, this surprise gift was surprisingly welcome and delightful.
Sure enough, Mikael sent a servant to inform me that he had plans this weekend. I tried to dismiss the servant with a stiff expression, but it wasn’t easy. A silly smile kept creeping onto my face, and my chest tightened with excitement. It was hard to sit upright, so I crawled back into bed. Normally, unless I was feeling unwell, I never returned to bed after waking up…
The pink teddy bear smelled of the powdery scent characteristic of fluffy plushies.
Let’s not get carried away. Let’s not be conceited. I’ve only just taken the first step. It starts now. I steeled my heart. Mikael needed more time before he could confess to me. A lot… more time.
And then came the long-awaited Monday.
As expected, Mikael couldn’t handle me easily. He couldn’t even manage a proper greeting. I simply watched his well-shaped lips, which opened and closed a few times.
The heat, confusion, and agitation reflected in the child’s deep blue eyes were always what I had longed for. Just meeting his gaze felt as if I might be burned.
Love me as you always did, I thought, bowing my head. Mikael hesitated before raising his hand to stroke my hair. But unlike usual, he couldn’t ruffle or caress my hair; his fingertips merely rested upon it, and soon, they began to tremble slightly.
Ah.
Unable to hold back, I reached out and hugged him. Mikael tensed up and struggled to regulate his breathing. The sound of his heart thumping against my chest was sweeter and more ecstatic than any music.
Originally, he wouldn’t have been this nervous even if I hugged him or pressed my head into his embrace. But now, for this moment, it was different…
Suddenly, I wanted to cry. It was a strange impulse. So, I tried my best to force a smile.
I took a deep breath and whispered carefully.
“…Don’t avoid me. I won’t do that anymore.”
You have no idea how long I’ve waited to be able to say these words to you.
I wanted Mikael to be confused because of me. Just as I had been confused because of Mikael, I wanted him to be crushed by those trembling, overwhelming, and breathless emotions at least once. I had dreamed for so long of the moment he would chase me with his eyes and picture me in his heart.
That was why I tried not to leave Mikael’s side for a single moment throughout this semester. I felt that only then would he easily feel my absence after I graduated. I wanted him to miss me, to regret my departure, and even if it were a misunderstanding, I wanted him to think—just once—that he missed me or that he had come to like me.
Though I knew the day I had yearned for had been moved forward by more than half a year, I was still breathless with an anxiety that gripped and shook me. I was afraid of when the small, tender sprout of love blooming in this child’s heart might suddenly turn away again.
I hugged Mikael tightly, almost suffocatingly, and then very slowly let him go.
Our eyes met again.
I decided to give Mikael some space for a while.
Minimum four days, maximum three weeks. Waiting longer than that would be impossible.
When I thought about what I might be capable of depending on Mikael’s future actions, a chill ran through a corner of my heart. Turning away from the frozen Mikael, I muttered to myself.
I hope I don’t become the worst lover to you.
So, please help me out a bit.
* * *
The sunlight shone softly, like young ears of wheat. The clouds drifting above the open window resembled newly bloomed petals. Thanks to leaving the dormitory study window open, the gently curving breeze announced the full arrival of spring.
I woke up earlier than usual, and the economic logic report in my hand was so perfect that no matter how many times I read it, I couldn’t find anything to fix. All the businesses I was currently managing were sailing smoothly except for one, and I was confident I could handle that one without difficulty. This was very unfamiliar to me, as I was not one for baseless optimism.
I tickled the pink teddy bear sitting on a corner of the desk with the feather end of my pen. For some reason, I felt as if I could hear Mikael’s laughter. After staring at the doll’s bead eyes for a long time, a mindless smile leaked out, and I put down the pen and sank deep into my chair.
Ah. Life is worth living.
Who was it that said waiting for Mikael would be hard?
Since getting to know Mikael Ernhardt, I had never enjoyed such an ardent and sweet gaze.
Originally, Mikael didn’t pour that much interest into anyone. Usually, his passionate gaze was reserved for Maelo Sanson or a Flying Dagger flying in a decent trajectory.
However, after that night at the night market, Mikael looked at me with surprising intensity.
He looked only at me.
Originally, Mikael never lost focus during Maelo Sanson’s lessons. If I kept talking to him and flirting, he would look back once or twice, but he rarely focused on me, which often left me feeling embarrassed.
But this time was different.
Monday. Mikael stared at me with a gaze so ardent it felt as if my profile would wear away, and he was reprimanded seven times. Tuesday morning, he paced around, glancing at me for no reason, and in the afternoon, he stood at the Great Martial arts training ground waiting for me until the sun had completely set.
If Mikael had truly wanted to train alone, he would have sought a quiet place, and if he had wanted to seek instruction, he would have gone to Maelo Sanson. There was no need to stand there in a crowded place. Others might not have known, but I did. Mikael was indeed waiting for me…
Wednesday and Thursday were the same. He would stare at me with his mouth shut as if he had made a great resolution, then pace around me restlessly, and if I pretended not to notice him, he would pout and whip his head away.
Every time that happened, he was so cute my heart would sink. To the point where I wanted to tell him it was all my fault, jump in, and lock this baby in my arms…
But I endured. After enduring and enduring, I earned the honor of Mikael grabbing my wrist.
Frozen with tension, he looked into my eyes from a very close distance. With trembling hands, he caressed my ear and cheek, and letting out a hot sigh, he whispered that we should continue to spend time together.
It wasn’t the first or second time I’d seen someone tremble before me, but Mikael Ernhardt was the first person to caress me with fingertips shaking for fear that my heart might be hurt.
Could there be any pleasure more supreme than this?
Why consume hallucinogenic mushrooms? When Mikael Ernhardt exists in this world.
After indulging in that satisfaction for a moment longer, I took out and opened a document. It was an official notice regarding the issue of illegal drugs spreading through the back alleys of the Sierran Empire. I wondered what Richard was doing when he said he was growing mushrooms, and seeing him choose to do nothing but trashy things was appalling. For now, I’ll push it aside and organize the related materials into a separate file.
Once I had selected and designated a few suitable candidates, my head was filled with thoughts of Mikael again.
Mikael repaid my long wait by giving me plenty of his time. We walked through every single garden in the Academy. We explored places so secluded that we would have gotten lost if I hadn’t memorized the Academy map in advance.
I thought it was quite a talent to seek out such dark places while bringing a wolf-cub like me along, but he was just too pretty, so I let it slide.
Instead of holding hands, our backs of hands brushed a couple of times. Every time that happened, Mikael would look up at me in surprise, but if I smiled, he would smile back.
On Saturday, we went to the botanical garden once more. Mikael was exceptionally fond of grass and trees. While he pointed out the names of several flowers, I consciously tried to use the words “I like it” often. I made a desperate effort not to bite Mikael’s cheeks, which flushed slightly every time.
Wanting to see him happy, we stayed long at the avian exhibit. He was so enthusiastic about the feeding experience, aiming for a yellow bird, that his clothes got slightly torn. I thought it was a disaster, but seeing Mikael fussing and trying to shield me from others’ gazes was so lovely that I ended up laughing again.
On Sunday, we sat in the library again. I felt a bit regretful because I wanted a more special date, but since I was lacking study time anyway, I accepted it. While diligently organizing his notes, Mikael would occasionally stare intently at my face. I pretended to study hard because I wanted to look good to him.
It was strange and fascinating how he would flinch or gasp every time I brushed my hair behind my ear, so I did it on purpose a few times. Why on earth does he like this? Eventually, I found my own behavior so ridiculous that I burst out laughing, but Mikael didn’t even know why I was laughing.
He was cute yesterday, he’s cute today, and he’ll be even cuter tomorrow.
How on earth am I supposed to devour this?
Come to think of it, this was a suitable pace for us.
Mikael was still too young. Being small, cute, and pretty was an advantage, but the current Mikael possessed an appearance and demeanor that suited playing house. It was only natural that he was startled when I, moving ahead on my own, pushed for marriage and becoming a couple.
So, it was perfect right now—where Mikael is conscious of me as a sexual object, feels lonely and unsettled when I’m not around, and feels fluttery and joyful when I am.
Still, I’d really like him to have his first dance with me at the Debutante; I wonder how I should handle that…
First, I should consult with the attending valet on how I should grow my hair.
My heart was busy with various happy worries.