By Zephyria 
The weekend returned as always.
For the first time in a while, Je-rim lay on his bed at home instead of the dormitory, feeling the breeze from the electric fan. With his toes dangling lazily, the boy wearing earphones held a comic book in his hand. A mountain of comic books from the same series was piled up next to his pillow.
They were precious gifts sent in bulk from Korea by his childhood friend, Yeo-bin. However, the titles on the covers were written boldly in Spanish. Since it was obvious his mother would nag him if she found out, he had replaced the covers. This way, it was convenient because he could insist he was studying Spanish.
“Huu…”
While flipping through the pages, Je-rim unconsciously let out a long sigh and stretched his legs. The sun-dried blanket rustled at his feet. Perhaps because it was siesta time, the usually bustling street outside the window was quiet.
How long had it been since he enjoyed such leisure alone?
Thanks to his mother, who always kept the room clean whether her son was there or not, the room smelled of fragrant fabric softener. It was so pleasant that it would be an insult to compare it to the club’s dormitory, where the smell of teenage boys permeated the moment you stepped into the hallway.
But why? A corner of his chest felt tight, as if he had forgotten something important. The sigh he just let out was for that very reason.
In truth, Je-rim knew the reason for this anomaly. Even while lying in this quiet and comfortable room, the scenery of the dormitory—where the room was filled only with a bed too narrow for one person, a desk, and a wardrobe—flickered before his eyes.
To be precise… Aaron, who would still be in that dormitory.
‘Maybe I should have just brought him along.’
As he thought of his boyfriend, who had seen him off with a face that looked like he’d die if he had to let him go, the comic book he had been enjoying suddenly became boring. Je-rim covered his face completely with the book.
Since the summer break and the end of the season coincided, the youth players were also given a short vacation. Even so, it was a schedule where they rested for only three days—Friday, Saturday, and Sunday—before immediately resuming training, but it was better than nothing.
Je-rim, who hadn’t returned home much even on holidays because he was dating, had finally come home the evening of Thursday, two days ago. He had no choice, as his mother seemed poised to visit the dormitory to check if her son was dead or alive if he didn’t come home this break.
After returning home, he was busy helping out at his mother’s restaurant in his spare time, and yesterday, he spent time with his father, who had come all the way to Spain, for the first time in several months. Even today, he had been hanging around his mother’s restaurant until around lunchtime.
Anyway, for those reasons, it had been three days since he last saw Aaron’s face. Of course, they were in contact from time to time, but he still missed him.
‘Should I go visit him for a bit this evening?’
Do I have any bus passes left? I didn’t buy one this month because I didn’t think I’d be taking the bus often. I did get a bit of allowance from Dad yesterday, but I feel like that should go to my younger siblings later, so I can’t use it… Should I just ride my bike?
He had just lifted the comic book off his face to check if he could still use last month’s bus pass. Suddenly, the tightly closed bedroom door swung open, and a shadow cast over the bed.
“Je-rim, Ban Je-rim! Are you napping? What are you doing?”
Since there had been no answer despite her calling him repeatedly, it seemed his mother had decided to make a personal visit. Only then did Je-rim pull out the earphones from his ears and awkwardly fold the comic book in his hand so that only the cover was visible. Then, he sat up and snapped in a tone that was suspicious to anyone listening.
“Ah, Mom! I told you to knock before coming in! I was studying!”
It wasn’t a very convincing excuse, considering she had seen him lying on the bed frantically closing a comic book just a second ago. His mother crossed her arms, scanned her son’s appearance from head to toe, and immediately pointed out the contradiction.
“Since when is reading comic books studying?”
“I’m still not great at reading and writing… I’m studying by looking at comic books, seriously!”
Je-rim puffed out his chest confidently, intentionally showing her the cover written in Spanish. His mother frowned with worry at the mention that he still struggled with reading and writing, even though it had been over a year since he arrived in Spain.
“Still? Don’t you speak conversationally without any problems now?”
“Speaking improves quickly because I do it every day at school and during training.”
To be precise, his skills had improved exponentially after he started dating Aaron. In return, Aaron’s English had improved leaps and bounds. Since they mixed Spanish and English in their daily conversations, that was the inevitable result for both of them.
However, his composition and reading comprehension skills hadn’t developed as much as his conversational Spanish. This was because, even before they started dating, Aaron had made a habit of doing things like composition and book report assignments for him.
The club probably didn’t have the slightest clue. That their precious Spanish prospect was doing all the assignments given by the private tutor specifically hired to improve the Spanish skills of the Korean boy they had worked so hard to recruit…
Je-rim had a strong aversion to sitting at a desk. Aaron had a strong aversion to seeing his boyfriend sitting at a desk with a miserable look on his face. Thanks to this maddening harmony, Je-rim’s Spanish reading and writing skills remained stagnant. Well, they were improving bit by bit because he texted Aaron every day.
So, what he told his mother wasn’t a complete lie. As long as she didn’t see the inside pages of that comic book. But in a momentary lapse of vigilance, Je-rim had the comic book snatched from his hand.
“Ack!”
The moment his mother opened the snatched comic book, she let out a scoff.
“Studying? Ha, of course. Do I not know my own son? The older he gets, the more he only grows in cunning.”
“Yeo-bin used his own allowance to send this to me. I’ll only read it when I’m home. Please? Please?”
Je-rim desperately clung to his mother’s arm, but she remained indifferent to her son’s aegyo. She simply shook him off, gathered all the comic books from the bed, and turned her back heartlessly.
“Comic books are confiscated. Finish all your individual assignments and get them checked. Then I’ll give them back.”
“What assignments… I’m busy enough just playing matches. The teacher will understand—”
“The league ended ages ago, what matches! Finish everything and get it checked, no matter what!”
“Tsk…”
Leaving the grumbling Je-rim behind, his mother gave a final reminder as she closed the door.
“I’ll be at the restaurant, so come eat when you’re hungry.”
“Yesss…”
Having had almost all his entertainment taken away, Je-rim had no choice but to sit at his desk. However, as soon as he scribbled his name on a blank notebook page and wrote the given composition topic as the title, he flopped face-down onto the desk. The weather was hot enough to kill, and trying to study while sitting still felt like actual torture.
His hand crept toward his phone and naturally flipped open the folder. The pencil he had been holding in one hand was now rolling around the desk. Out of the two buttons that had worn down from constant pressing since he started dating Aaron, he pressed the one engraved with a letter icon and typed a text.
◄Sent Message►
⏰ 07/07 15:08
✲ ✲ ✲
What are you doing?
The reply came instantly.
◄Received Message►
⏰ 07/07 15:08
✲ ✲ ✲
Lying down
◄Received Message►
⏰ 07/07 15:08
✲ ✲ ✲
Because it’s hot
◄Received Message►
⏰ 07/07 15:08
✲ ✲ ✲
It’s so hot today
◄Received Message►
⏰ 07/07 15:08
✲ ✲ ✲
What are you doing?
He had sent one message, but four arrived in succession. Perhaps because Aaron used a smartphone, there was a difference in speed.
Thinking of the guy who was likely sprawled out on a cramped bed, limp from the heat, tapping on a smartphone screen smaller than his palm, the corners of Je-rim’s mouth curled up unconsciously. He checked each message one by one and replied.
◄Sent Message►
⏰ 07/07 15:09
✲ ✲ ✲
Individual assignment
◄Received Message►
⏰ 07/07 15:09
✲ ✲ ✲
You??
And immediately after, he called him in a huff.
“Hey, what’s with that reaction?”
-Bunny, did you call because you’re angry?
He was calling because he was angry, but hearing that strangely disappointed voice made his anger vanish. Je-rim tightened his foolishly loosened lips and gave the answer his boyfriend would want to hear.
“No, I just wanted to hear your voice. I was bored, too.”
-Why are you bored? Should I go to your house?
However, the lips he had tried so hard to steady collapsed again at the immediate response. He almost told him to come right now, but after glancing outside at the blazing sun, he quickly whispered.
“Forget it. You’ll die of heat if you step out of the dorm right now.”
Besides, I’m going there this evening anyway… He hid this on purpose because he wanted to see Aaron’s surprised face later. Giggles continued to flow from the other end of the line.
-But Je-rim, you said you’re doing homework, so how are you bored?
“Ah, I fucking hate doing it. But I have to. My mom took my comic books…”
He grumbled, recounting everything that had happened. When he mentioned that he had dreamed of a perfect crime by swapping the covers, Aaron laughed softly, saying his mother must have a hard time. When Je-rim quietly growled at him to say that again, Aaron tactfully changed the subject.
-What is the individual assignment?
“What do you think? Spanish composition.”
-Text me the topic. I’ll write it for you.
“Yes! …Ah, no. I can’t. I’ll do it this time.”
Je-rim, who had instinctively cheered, weakly changed his mind. Aaron asked back in surprise.
-Since when? As far as I remember, I’ve done all your composition homework.
“No… it just makes it seem like I called you specifically to hand over my homework.”
He swore to heaven that he hadn’t contacted Aaron to ask him to do the homework. He knew all too well that this damn delicate boyfriend would get sulky if he did; he didn’t have the guts for that. A pouting Aaron was very cute, but he didn’t want him to be upset over something like this.
However, Je-rim ended up feeling offended by Aaron’s subsequent reply.
-…Are you really my boyfriend? Why do you suddenly have a conscience?
“Yeah. Actually, your boyfriend was eaten by a black dog the day before yesterday. Hanging up.”
-Seeing how petty you’re being, you’re definitely my boyfriend… Ah, don’t hang up, please.
When Je-rim actually tried to end the call, Aaron quickly took a humble stance. Unlike his desperate tone, there was an unmistakable hint of laughter mixed into his voice.
-As a sign of my apology, I’ll do the homework for you. How about it?
The content of the offer, presented as if he were doing a great favor, was utterly ridiculous. Je-rim didn’t swallow the chuckles escaping him and asked.
“Why do you want to do my homework so badly?”
-I feel like time will pass faster if I do my boyfriend’s homework. Time is moving too slowly right now.
Ah.
The content, tinged with a whine, was incredibly lovely and poignant. The laughter that had been bursting out of his lungs until a moment ago vanished instantly. Je-rim unconsciously gripped the bottom of his phone tightly and tapped the desk anxiously with his other hand.
“…Ari, are you alone? Weren’t there a few guys who stayed behind this time instead of going home?”
-Yeah. I was hanging out with Jose until a while ago, but he went out to meet his girlfriend.
Thank goodness. He hadn’t been alone in the dorm for days. While he was feeling relieved, Aaron’s gloomy voice pierced Je-rim’s eardrums.
-I want to see my boyfriend too. Je-rim, when are you coming tomorrow? …You’re not coming on Monday, right? Please come tomorrow, okay? I miss you…
Wow, fuck. Wow… I can’t take this.
Je-rim unconsciously covered his mouth and blurted out the plan he had intended to keep secret. He felt that hearing a happy voice right now was more important than seeing a surprised face later.
“I’ll come right after I eat dinner tonight.”
-Really?
“I miss my boyfriend too, so I can’t stand it. See you later.”
As soon as he finished the greeting, an excited voice, sounding twice as happy as Je-rim had expected, rang loudly through the speaker.
-Text me when you’re coming! I’ll be waiting outside the back gate.
“Yeah, okay. Just hang in there. I’ll be there soon.”
-Okay. My heaven, I love you. Thank you. Come safely.
“…Yeah.”
The words ‘I love you’ were still difficult for Je-rim. But Aaron always whispered them casually, just like now.
The timing of those whispers was always different. Of course, there were moments when it was expected and he would blur it out while blushing, but sometimes he whispered love at completely unexpected moments, stealing one’s soul. Right now was one such case.
Je-rim let out a hollow breath, patting his pounding chest.
Why does he talk about love all the time? Isn’t love usually… something you say in very special situations? That’s how it is in movies.
Je-rim, who usually only watched war or action movies, had only encountered cases where love was conveyed right before deploying to a battlefield or in a final scene before death, so the meaning felt heavy to him. In daily life, no one whispered ‘I love you’ except for Aaron. He only heard it from his parents occasionally, and even then, only when something very special happened.
But just now, and at other times, there was nothing particularly special going on, so why was he always…
Or was it a special event for Aaron that he was coming to visit? Why would it be? They both missed each other, so naturally, one of them had to go. He had tried to come immediately when I said I was bored earlier…
“Ah, fuck, seriously… what is up with this guy…?”
Why does he get cuter by the day? And why is this dating thing getting more fun every day? If I knew it was this fun, I would have started back in Korea.
…No. Aaron wasn’t in Korea anyway, so it probably wouldn’t have been much fun. He had never dated anyone other than Aaron, but he knew instinctively. If the partner had been anyone else, it probably wouldn’t have been this purely pleasant and fun.
‘It’s strange…’
This intuition, close to certainty, despite never having met anyone else. This relationship that felt fresh and exciting rather than tiring as days passed. This bond that seemed to deepen endlessly, even though it had started with a kiss driven by simple impulse. And the existence of Aaron, who had turned a spark of curiosity into a tangle of all sorts of emotions.
Everything was strange.
Because everything was so strange, even after hanging up, Je-rim stared at the messages he had exchanged with Aaron for a long time, soothing the corners of his mouth that kept curling up into a grin.
✲✲✲
Even for summer, wasn’t it too much that the sun hadn’t set even though it was almost 9 PM? Against the backdrop of a sky where the sunset was finally beginning to spread, Je-rim pedaled his bicycle hard.
The sunlight was still hot, but thanks to the wind brushing against his cheeks, it wasn’t that stifling. It felt cool whenever he entered the shade. The summer in Tavarona was distinctly different from the summer in Korea; the sun beat down so strongly that your skin would peel if you weren’t heavily armed with sunscreen, but there was little humidity, making it bearable.
That’s why last summer, when he first arrived here, even the fact that the weather was different from Korea had been incredibly irritating.
The brats who were worse at soccer than him but kept mocking him, the coaches who knew he wasn’t used to Spanish but spoke faster on purpose and scolded him for not understanding instructions, and the pedestrians who scanned him from head to toe as if looking at a monkey in a zoo—everything was annoying.
And then… when did it start to stop being annoying?
While he was racking his brain over the sudden, useless thought, the dormitory building began to appear in the distance. Since it was an uphill road from here, he considered getting off and pushing the bike, but upon seeing a figure standing at the entrance of the alley, he groaned and pedaled through.
Though sweat was trickling down, pushing through was faster than walking and pushing the bike. As soon as Je-rim reached the alley connected to the dormitory’s back gate, he jumped off the bicycle. The bike, which almost slammed into the ground, was quickly caught by the figure who had been waiting for him.
“You came by bike? In this heat…”
The guy, who leaned the bike against the wall instead of the owner, wiped the beads of sweat from Je-rim’s forehead. However, the forehead of the one speaking was wetter than Je-rim’s. His hands were hot, like someone with heatstroke. Je-rim placed the back of his hand against the cheek that had turned red from the sun and asked.
“What about you? How long have you been standing here?”
“Not long.”
Liar. Je-rim could clearly picture Aaron standing outside the shadeless alley, staring down the road, waiting for him. Je-rim gently stroked Aaron’s cheek with the back of his hand and tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear.
“Your face is burning hot… Are you okay?”
How is he worse than me, who just biked up that hill? When he added that jokingly, Aaron rubbed his face against the back of Je-rim’s hand like a friendly cat.
“It’s not hot because of the heat, so I’m okay.”
“Then what is it?”
“Just… because you’re touching me?”
Looking at his boyfriend making such an absurd claim while lowering the corners of his long eyes, Je-rim suddenly wanted to see the moment his expression changed. Usually, Aaron was the one who acted clingy in public. Je-rim glanced around quickly, then grabbed Aaron’s cheeks and pulled him down to his eye level.
“Hey, your face is going to explode if you keep this up.”
And as he lightly kissed his lips, the palms of his hands immediately became burning hot. To be precise, Aaron’s cheeks, which were touching his palms.
It wasn’t an exaggeration; it felt like they were about to explode. Flustered, Je-rim stared intently at Aaron’s face. At the end of his gaze was a handsome face that had completely wiped away the silly smile and couldn’t even blink.
His Adam’s apple moved up and down vigorously as he struggled to breathe through slightly parted lips. Through their closely pressed chests, the heartbeat, pounding as if to break ribs, was transmitted clearly. A slight heat began to cloud his dazed eyes.
He had wanted to see his expression change, but he hadn’t expected such a passionate reaction. Why is he acting like someone kissing for the first time…
‘Ah, is this the first time I’ve kissed him first in public since that day?’
The day they started dating—come to think of it, Aaron had been frozen in a daze just like this that day too. Though he had pushed him breathlessly as soon as he snapped out of it.
Whenever this cute and handsome boyfriend showed how much he liked him to the point of not knowing what to do, an indescribable emotion welled up from deep within Je-rim’s heart. Perhaps this was why the simple feeling he first had for Aaron was gradually turning into something complex.
Or perhaps it hadn’t been that simple from the start, and he just hadn’t realized it…
Indeed, even before they started dating, he had wanted to get close to Aaron to an unusual degree. The way he would get pouting over nothing and speak sharply—if it had been any other guy, he would have ignored them and told them to stop bullshit—but with Aaron, it just seemed cute.
As he thought this, Je-rim’s body underwent changes similar to the reaction Aaron was currently showing. The only difference was that because his skin was fair, the redness of his face was more apparent. The sound of their hearts beating was now so mixed that it was impossible to tell whose was whose.
“…Je-rim, I’m so hot. Let’s go inside the dorm…”
“…Yeah.”
Aaron was the one to let out a moan first. Burying his forehead in Je-rim’s shoulder, he pleaded with him, breathing feverishly. Je-rim answered a beat late, trying to regulate his breathing, which was haphazardly out of sync.
He had only told his mother to go to sleep first because he’d be late; he hadn’t said he’d sleep over at the dorm… He just said he’d get some help with his homework from Aaron.
Ah, whatever. He’ll just say there was so much homework that they accidentally fell asleep while doing it together. It’s not like he slept on the street; if he said he fell asleep in the dorm while studying, his mother surely wouldn’t scold him too harshly.
Even with a hazy head, Je-rim managed to concoct a plausible excuse for his mother and hurried his steps, following Aaron.
✲✲✲
As he rinsed his entire body with cold water, the heat that had been warming his body to the point of dizziness finally began to dissipate.
After showering, Je-rim waited for Aaron to finish drying his hair, with a towel draped haphazardly over his head. Aaron waved the hairdryer toward Je-rim, who was staring blankly at him.
“Aren’t you drying yours?”
“Too lazy.”
“You’ll go bald.”
“If I go bald, will you still date me?”
“I think you’d be cute if it all fell out, but if it’s just patchy, that’s a bit… Still, I’ll love you.”
He should have just said the last part. Je-rim kicked the butt of Aaron, who was nodding seriously.
“Fuck, there are no bald genes in my family, okay? You take care of yours.”
“None in my family either. So, will you keep dating me even if I go bald?”
“…….”
“…You really…”
Even though he had only slightly averted his gaze, Aaron shuddered with a sense of betrayal as if he had witnessed his lover cheating. Je-rim, who burst into laughter, wiped his moist eyes and comforted his boyfriend.
“I’m kidding. Don’t pout.”
“Then say it. Say you’ll keep dating me even if I go bald.”
“…Dry your hair well so you don’t go bald.”
“Je-rim!”
“Ah, okay, okay. Even if you lose some hair, you’ll probably be the most handsome bald man in the world. I’ll date you. But let’s wear a wig on dates.”
When he replied playfully with a kiss on the cheek, Aaron glared at Je-rim with that characteristic pouting face. However, he slowly leaned his cheek back toward Je-rim. It seemed his expression and actions were conflicting—he was dissatisfied with the answer, but he liked the kiss.
What a cute brat. Since no one was watching anyway, Je-rim pressed his lips to the other cheek as well. Whether he was cheered up by those two childish kisses, the wind from the hairdryer finally reached Je-rim’s wet hair. It was accompanied by the pleasant touch of hands stroking and combing through his hair.
Je-rim left his hair to be tended to and asked mischievously.
“Honestly, you wouldn’t want to see your boyfriend go bald either, right?”
“Is that even a question?”
“See. You’re the same.”
Because they spent time sharing such useless chatter, the hair-drying process, which should have taken five minutes, lasted quite a while. By the time they returned to the room, three hours had already passed since Je-rim had arrived at the dormitory.
The two of them lay side by side on the crumpled bedsheets, tossing and turning. They couldn’t relax, feeling as though a slight movement would send them rolling off the edge. Then, Je-rim’s gaze happened to drift toward the desk, and he let out a gasp.
“Huh? Were you doing your homework in my room?”
He hadn’t noticed it earlier, but now he saw a notebook spread open, filled with Aaron’s handwriting. Aaron nodded, pulling Je-rim—who was using his arm as a pillow—even closer.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Your scent is all over the room, so I just stayed here.”
Using Je-rim’s pillow, Aaron buried his nose and mouth in Je-rim’s hair and took a deep breath. Je-rim, nestled deep in Aaron’s embrace, fidgeted his fingers against Aaron’s shoulder.
“Are you not going back to your parents’ house next time either?”
“I don’t know. Unless something special happens, I probably won’t.”
While Aaron didn’t get along with his family, it wasn’t the kind of extreme dysfunction seen in soap operas.
His father had married several times, but he was a man with so much money that he spared no expense in supporting his son’s talent for football. As for his stepmother, Je-rim had heard she was simply indifferent to her stepchildren—other than the twin daughters she had birthed—rather than abusive.
Aaron’s three older siblings were not close to him, as they had different mothers and a significant age gap, but they didn’t fight over the inheritance they would eventually receive. In the first place, as long as Aaron continued to display his genius, such an inheritance would be pocket change. If anything, Aaron’s very existence was an asset to the family business.
And the younger twin sisters were too young to have much of a connection with Aaron. Occasionally, when he visited the house, he could feel the twins’ obvious stares from around the corner of the hallway… but then Aaron would simply scoop them up and toss them in the air once as he passed by, and they would leave satisfied. It seemed they perceived Aaron as someone who occasionally visited to give them free airplane rides.
So, while the atmosphere was somewhat chilly, it was, in a way, an ordinary family. Except for the fact that amidst that large clan, Aaron was the only one who was completely alone, without a full-blooded sibling or a mother. Of course, he had a father, but for some reason, Aaron loathed him.
‘He didn’t seem to treat Aaron that badly…’
Even when asked why he hated him so much, Aaron never gave a reason, so there was no way to know. Je-rim privately speculated that it might be related to his biological mother. However, it seemed Aaron had almost completely severed ties with her, which only added to the mystery.
Regardless, whenever Je-rim heard bits and pieces about his family, a very strange desire sprouted in his heart. That desire, which had germinated during the year-end event when Aaron was left alone in the dormitory before they started dating, had now grown vigorously and borne fruit.
“…Ari, then do you want to go sleep at my house? Together.”
He wanted to be with him always, if possible. They already were, but he wanted to share every part of their daily lives. Whenever Aaron felt lonely, exhausted, or sad… he wanted Aaron to think of him first. He didn’t want Aaron to spend time alone at that beach. Because even if Aaron just lightly pleaded that he missed him—no, even if he just hinted at it—Je-rim would go to him anytime.
Naturally, this desire stemmed from the admirable wish of not wanting to see his boyfriend lonely… but there was a reason he described it as “strange.” This feeling was too large. So large that he wondered if “greed” was a more appropriate term than “desire.”
That was why he hated imagining Aaron blending in like a stranger among the bustling family in that huge house, or remaining alone in a hollow dormitory after everyone else had left for the warmth of their families.
He just wanted Aaron to be with him, like this, talking nonsense and laughing happily. Fitting for his naturally playful, confident, affectionate, and attentive personality. Without any room to feel emotions that didn’t suit him, like sadness or alienation.
At the cautious suggestion, Aaron unexpectedly blushed.
“I’m saying let’s sleep at my house instead of you enduring a room with no owner. Why aren’t you answering and just blushing… Ah.”
Observing Aaron closely because his reaction was suspicious, Je-rim realized the reason and his own face flushed as well.
“…My mom is always at home. Don’t think anything weird.”
“…I wasn’t thinking anything weird.”
“You’re lying. Besides, is this your first or second time at my house? We’re lying in the same bed right now, so why are you suddenly…”
“The last time we slept together at your house was before we started dating. And the dormitory… and your house are different.”
“You were thinking something weird!”
Je-rim gave Aaron’s chest a firm shove, and Aaron rolled right off the bed. Je-rim hadn’t expected someone of that size to roll away with just a little push, so he hurriedly reached down in panic.
“Ari! Are you hurt?”
“No. The bed isn’t high, so I’m fine.”
“You roll off the bed often when you sleep, too… Do you have no strength in your body?”
“I’m hugging you, so if I used strength… And when we sleep, you always… forget it.”
Lying face down on the floor, Aaron grumbled something before grabbing Je-rim’s hand and climbing back onto the bed. Despite the shock of the fall, his face remained red. Je-rim chuckled, poking and pinching those warm cheeks.
“When are you actually going to act your face?”
It was truly unbalanced that he looked like some future drug lord, but was actually a fool who knew nothing but football, and whose first love was only now in progress. The way he acted so obediently and cutely with such a handsome face was another thing. The sight of him acting cute with slurred pronunciation because his cheeks were being pinched was beyond adorable.
“I think I might never be able to. You take responsibility for me.”
“How am I supposed to take responsibility?”
“You can just marry me.”
“……”
For a moment, Je-rim was speechless, wondering if he had misheard. As if to prove it wasn’t an auditory hallucination, Aaron removed Je-rim’s hand from his cheek and spoke clearly once more.
“Je-rim, as soon as I turn eighteen… I want to marry you.”
It wasn’t the kind of light, airy talk young lovers often exchange, like “I’ll marry you later” or “Let’s never break up.” Just looking at Aaron’s seriously sparkling eyes, Je-rim could tell he was sincere. Consequently, Je-rim couldn’t brush it off with a joke as usual and stammered his response.
“…In our country, same-sex marriage…”
“I know it’s not allowed. That’s why let’s do it in Spain.”
Wow, he’s really, truly serious… Je-rim felt a mix of admiration and slight distress that his boyfriend had already looked up the legality of same-sex marriage in Korea.
It wasn’t that he was distressed because he didn’t want to marry Aaron. On the contrary, he wanted to if he could. The problem was that he couldn’t. After debating whether to be honest, Je-rim finally spoke.
“Um, realistically, if the two of us marry at that age, wouldn’t one of us have to quit being a football player? Or maybe both…”
Who didn’t know that the football world had a very conservative and macho culture? Aaron likely knew this when he proposed, but Je-rim couldn’t simply accept this dreamy proposal with joy. Naturally, the nuance of rejection wafted strongly from the trailing end of his sentence.
Noticing this, Aaron stopped acting like a chick and furrowed his brow, fitting his actual face.
“You always look for ‘reality’ in situations like this. Even I, who can’t act my face, know that’s one of the worst traits when dating.”
“Since you only say things that sound like dreams, someone has to maintain a sense of reality.”
“Is it that hard to just say ‘let’s do it’ for the sake of it? You usually talk nonsense just fine.”
“This isn’t a topic to respond to nonsensically. I think seriously about things related to you.”
“……”
Je-rim continued speaking while pressing down on the space between Aaron’s eyebrows with his finger.
“My mom followed me all the way here just for me; she’d collapse if her son suddenly said he was quitting football because he had to marry a male friend. And honestly, you don’t have any intention of quitting football either.”
Fortunately, the argument was persuasive, and Aaron’s piercing gaze gradually softened. Instead of a furrowed brow, he pouted and led Je-rim’s hand to stroke his hair.
“…That’s true, but… My first proposal in life was a total failure.”
“Who proposes so abruptly like this? Honestly, you…”
Stroking the hair that was thick and slightly curly, making it a delight to touch, Je-rim let out a small cough. It was more of a forced exhale because he couldn’t bear the ticklish feeling in his chest.
Though his tone was scolding, he felt good knowing that Aaron loved him enough to seriously consider marriage. He felt the same way. And Aaron’s sulking face was so cute that he wanted to keep looking at it, while simultaneously wanting to cheer him up.
“Anyway, I love you enough that I’d want to marry you if there weren’t all these restrictions. So don’t make that face.”
“What face am I making?”
“The face of a black dog that had its bone stolen.”
True to his history of pestering Je-rim about who was cuter between himself and the dog even before they dated, Aaron immediately narrowed his eyes.
“That damn black dog. You said he’s a male, right? Is he cuter than me?”
“No way.”
Ever since that face started looking cuter than a chick to him, Je-rim’s eyes had gone completely haywire, making objective judgment impossible. It was fascinating how that face could look that way, but since starting to date Aaron, there had been so many fascinating things that he didn’t mind.
Ultimately, it was an extension of the thoughts he’d had at home. Was the reason everything felt so fascinating and fun because Aaron was his first love and first partner? I wonder if Aaron feels the same.
After pondering alone, Je-rim suddenly spoke the most curious point aloud.
“Come to think of it, is there a saying like this in Spain? That first loves never come true… There is one in Korea.”
“…Why are you suddenly asking something like that?”
The moment he heard Aaron’s voice turn sharply cold, Je-rim realized.
‘I’ve made another slip of the tongue.’
What had twisted his mood this time? Was he offended by the mere existence of a superstition that first loves don’t work out? Whatever the reason, he had experienced this so many times that he knew exactly how to handle it. Je-rim wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck and gazed deeply into his eyes at a distance where their eyelashes brushed.
“No, it’s just fascinating. Since we’re both each other’s first loves and we’re like this now. I’m just really curious… Ari, why are you pouting again?”
Following the eyes that radiated dissatisfaction, Je-rim traced the corner of Aaron’s eye with his thumb, and Aaron clicked his tongue right in his face. It seemed it was time for some spiteful words.
“Seriously, don’t even think about meeting anyone other than me. I guarantee you’d break up with them quickly anyway. Just keep me as your first and last love.”
“Are you picking a fight, are you jealous, or are you cursing me?”
“All three.”
“My… for someone who’s cursing me, your heart is beating way too fast.”
He had long since started accepting this level of bickering as affection. Laughing it off, Je-rim placed his hand on Aaron’s left chest. In truth, since Aaron had been cutely chattering, he hadn’t been able to hear a word properly because of the sound of this guy’s heart.
Aaron overlapped his hand over Je-rim’s and whispered quietly.
“It always beats this much. Whenever I’m with you.”
“Do you like me that much?”
“Yeah, I do… I like you so much. Don’t you like me? Your heart is beating just as fast.”
Wasn’t it cheating to attempt a leading question while staring at someone with such a flushed face? Je-rim had no choice but to fall for the trap and spill everything just as Aaron wanted.
“Of course I like you, that’s why it’s beating like this. I told you, I like you enough to want to marry you if there were no restrictions.”
Taking the momentum, he pressed a kiss onto the handsome eyebrow. If this childish kiss had actually acted as a seal, the news of who Aaron’s boyfriend was would have spread throughout the neighborhood long ago. That would be troublesome for both of them… but for a moment, a flicker of regret crossed his mind.
Je-rim’s eyes widened at the sound of the heart pounding violently against his palm. It had been beating fast before, but not to this extent. The owner of the heart also seemed to sense the abnormal reaction, panting irregularly and whining.
“What do I do, Je-rim? If my heart keeps beating at this speed, I might actually die.”
“Wha—what? Why is it beating so fast?”
“It’s because of you. If I die, you take responsibility.”
The heartbeat was already strong enough to be worrying, and with the ominous words added to it, Je-rim’s own heart sank. Je-rim patted Aaron’s chest as if to calm him down and replied bluntly.
“Hey, don’t say such unlucky things.”
“Why? Do you think you couldn’t live if I died?”
“…Yeah. I really don’t think I could.”
This was something he knew without having to think deeply. Just half a year ago, before dating Aaron, he could never have imagined he would become like this.
When he imagined a future without Aaron by his side, he felt as if weights were tied to his ankles; his stomach churned as if something terrible had happened. He had come to love him so much that he regretted it, thinking he shouldn’t have loved him this much if just the imagination of it was this painful…
So this was why Aaron got angry even at the hypothetical suggestion of breaking up, even as a joke. Je-rim corrected his assessment of his boyfriend—who he thought just got upset over nothing—and reconsidered his own feelings.
The desire to not see Aaron lonely was certainly large, but more than that…
“I don’t care if you go bald, I don’t care if you can’t act your face, I don’t care if you’re jealous of animals or inanimate objects, and I don’t care if you curse me to never meet anyone else for the rest of my life… just don’t leave me alone.”
It seemed he simply didn’t want to be apart from Aaron.
It seemed he simply couldn’t function without Aaron.
At Je-rim’s honest confession, Aaron couldn’t hide his bewildered expression. But he also couldn’t hide how happy he was. He cherishedly embraced the lover who had delivered a sweet confession of love, speaking words of vulnerability that were rare for him.
“I get it, I swear. Sorry for saying useless things. Let’s sleep now.”
Thump-thump. With their heartbeats intertwined and echoing loudly, there was no way they could fall asleep.
On the narrow bed, the two of them spent the night wide awake, sharing trivial conversations about the meaning of the Chinese characters in their names, friends back in Korea, and the one time Aaron had visited Finland with his mother as a child.
✲✲✲
“Fuck!”
Je-rim, who had sat on the bench with an uncomfortable expression throughout the match, spat out a torrent of curses the moment he entered the tunnel. Still not satisfied, he slammed his hand against the wall.
As the thud echoed through the narrow corridor, the Tavarona players passing by glanced at Je-rim. Unable to watch any longer, Craig stood right behind Je-rim and pulled him back by the shoulder.
“Jerry, calm down. If the coach sees you…”
“Let him look, fuck.”
At most, he’d be left out of the next match squad or relegated to the bench. He wasn’t afraid of being suppressed by authority by the man who had completely ignored his claim that he was fine and substituted him after 60 minutes, ruining a game they were about to win.
A rising master tactician, my ass. I transferred here because he whispered all sorts of sweet talk about how he wanted me at Sefton, and then he embarrassingly substitutes me in such an important match…
Anger surged again, and this time he kicked the bottom of the wall. His foot, which had been stepped on during the first half and was flagged as a risk for injury, didn’t even hurt, aside from the instep being slightly swollen. Craig kept urging him to stop, pulling him away from the wall so he couldn’t use his feet anymore.
“Coach Verdi did that for your own sake. You know that.”
“He forced a substitution even though I said I was fine? Yeah, he really ‘thought’ of me.”
“…Want me to be honest? You were an eyesore because you were too aggressive from the first half.”
“……”
Je-rim paused at the cold evaluation coming from Craig, who had watched the players throughout the match. The reason for the pause was simple: he knew it was true. Then, words that pricked his conscience followed.
“I understand you want to prove yourself since it’s your first season after transferring, and I know you have bad feelings toward Tavarona… but the team shouldn’t revolve around just one person.”
Everything Craig said was right.
In his first season after transferring to Sefton, Je-rim felt rushed, as this was the first match that would determine their advancement to the Champions League final. Not wanting to lose to Tavarona, he pushed himself too hard from the first half, which manifested as aggressive play. Even when his stepped-on instep swelled to the point where his cleats were squeezing his foot, he pretended to be fine. Believing he was the best player on the team, he hoped the manager would overlook his condition.
Only then did Je-rim’s head cool down, and he wiped his face as if feeling ashamed.
“…I understand what you mean. I’m sorry.”
“Have you calmed down? Then go get checked out right away. Just looking at your cleats, it’s obvious your instep is swollen.”
Craig reached out his arm as if to personally support Je-rim. However, since only one foot was injured, he didn’t need that much help. Je-rim declined the helping hand and limped away. Once he admitted that his foot wasn’t okay, a throbbing pain belatedly surged in.
At this rate, I won’t be able to play in the second leg a week from now. As he reached a rational conclusion with a mind cleared of impulsiveness and haste, a question that had been hidden by anger revealed itself.
‘Why did Aaron only come on around the 80th minute?’
It was certainly strange that the ace, who it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say is currently carrying Tavarona, was substituted in only at the 80th minute of a Champions League semi-final. That guy wasn’t the type to quietly accept being benched, nor was he at a skill level to be treated as a backup, so why on earth?
Was he just not in good condition today? Even so, he was too talented a player to leave out of the squad entirely, so did they bring him along to sit on the bench first, and only put him in to taste the grass once victory was guaranteed?
If he was sick, where was he…
“…Is he a fucking idiot, seriously.”
“Huh? What?”
“Nothing.”
Craig looked puzzled at the curse that had inadvertently slipped out in Korean. Je-rim, who had been scratching his head since he thought of Aaron, glossed over his words irritably.
Whether that son of a bitch is sick or not. Muttering to himself, he hurried across the tunnel with his swollen foot. However, as he approached the hallway where the away team’s locker room was located, he frowned and stopped in his tracks at the boisterous noise coming from inside. Craig also muttered in a dissatisfied tone.
“They must be excited because they made a comeback.”
“Let’s just go quickly.”
Thinking that Aaron’s voice would be mixed among those excited voices made him want to go in and flip everything upside down. In a way, Aaron was the culprit who had made him show nothing but unsightly behavior all day. The only reason he didn’t was because of his last remaining shred of pride.
It was just as Je-rim was urging Craig along, as if he couldn’t stand the sight of them. At that moment, the locker room door swung open, and the face he absolutely did not want to encounter appeared.
“…….”
“…….”
At the unexpected encounter, both Je-rim and the person who stepped out of the door froze blankly for a moment.
They were opponents who hadn’t faced each other during the match. When Je-rim played, Aaron was on the bench, and when Aaron played, Je-rim was on the bench. Since they were on different teams, there was no reason for them to lock eyes even during the twenty minutes they were both on the bench.
How many years has it been since they last saw each other? It was the first time since they saw each other at the World Cup when they were eighteen… so, four years?
He thought he would throw a punch the moment they met, but unexpectedly, he felt calm. His mind, which he thought would be a jumbled mess of all sorts of emotions, was composed. Perhaps it was because he noticed that from the moment he stepped through that door, Aaron’s expression was clouded, unlike someone who had won.
If he had a joyful, triumphant look on his face, Je-rim might have actually gone inside and flipped the place over as he had impulsively wanted to earlier; that was one relief.
Seeing as he still felt a trivial, useless curiosity about why Aaron’s expression was like that despite winning, or if he really was sick somewhere, he felt he might need to slap his own face instead of Aaron’s.
‘Fucking idiot.’
Not a single grain of emotion remained. Still, as the common saying goes, you can’t forget your first love—is this it? He really shouldn’t have liked him so much back then.
Swallowing a useless regret, he stepped slightly to the side. Because some bastard had opened the door without warning, he found himself blocking the front of the locker room, so he had to clear the way.
As he tried to move aside, he limped; the foot that had been stepped on hit the ground unnaturally for anyone to see. At that, Aaron’s gaze dropped to Je-rim’s feet. Je-rim likewise looked away from Aaron, who was either examining his instep or staring at the floor because he didn’t want to make eye contact.
That strange encounter didn’t last even ten seconds. It was because Jose, who had come out after Aaron, stepped in after reading the room.
“Um, uh… Jerry, long time no see. Is your foot okay?”
“Does it look okay?”
“No….”
A sharp tone reflexively came out toward the friend he hadn’t seen in a while. But Jose was the kind of guy who would understand, considering his friend’s dignity after having his foot stepped on, being substituted, getting scolded by the manager, and suffering a comeback loss in one match.
If Jose knew that he had met his shitty ex-boyfriend while already feeling like shit, he might even offer comfort. Of course, there was no way Jose knew the inner details.
Scratching his head, Jose seemed to decide that he should just exchange greetings quickly and bolt, showing signs of trying to end the conversation first.
“Ah, right. You look great with that model. Well, I’ll be going….”
It seemed the first dating rumor of his life, which had finally broken after photos were secretly taken a few days ago, had already spread as far as Spain. Even though they weren’t dating or anything on the day the photos were taken.
Je-rim glanced at Aaron out of the corner of his eye for no reason. For some reason, he felt a bubbling agitation yet also nervousness. Like a child caught doing something bad. That guy was the one who had the scandal first, and he was the one who had disappeared.
Why was he curious about what expression that guy was making? However, Aaron’s head, which had been buried in the floor for a while, showed no sign of lifting. Because he was standing in front of the fluorescent lights, he was backlit, and his face was filled with shadow. The only thing Je-rim could tell was that he was clenching his fists tight enough for the veins in his forearms to bulge.
“…….”
Strictly speaking, this dating rumor wasn’t true… but thinking that explaining it here would be even more ridiculous, Je-rim just kept parting his lips and hesitating. Then, Aaron, who had been standing there like a shadow the whole time, pushed past Jose and brushed past Je-rim.
Without a word, a greeting, or even a single glance.
In less than a minute, the encounter with the former lover he had been crazy about in his teens ended just like that. In a flash, so brief it was embarrassing to even call it an encounter.
When was it? He had once imagined a scene where he and Aaron passed each other pretending not to know one another. Back then, just imagining it had made his eyes sting, and he had acted pathetically….
“Ah, Aaron, wait! I told you you still have a fever! Have some consideration for a body that just got up after being bedridden!”
Je-rim slowly walked away, leaving behind Jose, who was stomping his feet in frustration. It suddenly occurred to him that he had wasted too much time in the middle of the hallway. He had to get back to the locker room quickly, shower, change, and then have a consultation with the team doctor.
His foot was in bad shape. He also had to tell the manager he was sorry for expressing dissatisfaction about the substitution. Instead of being troubled by a connection that had passed by in childhood, he had to solve the problems immediately in front of him.
“Ugh, that bastard, seriously! I’m going. Take care!”
“Yeah, bye.”
After greeting Jose, who was running after Aaron, he headed toward his original destination without looking back. He walked with a wider stride than before. A heavy pain was transmitted every time he stepped on the ground, but he ignored it.
Then, a faint sigh escaped Je-rim’s lips.
Contrary to his heart, his pace gradually slowed, the pain grew to a level that could no longer be ignored, and the moment he truly felt that he and Aaron had become nothing to each other, quite suddenly.
“…Craig, help me walk.”
In the end, he leaned his weight on Craig and walked slowly. Seeing as his entire leg was gradually becoming heavy, it seemed he needed to see a doctor urgently. Rather than being immersed in such useless emotions.
In the first place, he didn’t even know what to name this emotion he was feeling now. It was too calm to be lingering affection, too weak to be anger, and too bittersweet to be irritation. There was also a bit of novelty. Because when he was young, he could never have imagined that they could pass each other so indifferently.
If he had to pick the most fitting word among the few registered in his mental dictionary… perhaps it would be a sense of emptiness. Emptiness regarding a past that had gone by. It was truly a useless emotion.
As he always had, Je-rim habitually shed the thoughts and emotions that would negatively affect him and hurried his pace.