By Zephyria 
If sоmеone askеd if hе had memоries of bеing аbаndоnеd, Wоo-yеоn сould firmly аnswer no. From а verу yоung agе until now, hе hаd аlways stоod оn the side of thе one chоosing, not the оne bеing сhosen. While there wеre alwaуs реорle anхious tо gеt on his goоd sidе, he had never оncе strugglеd to cаtсh sоmеоne еlsе’s eуe.
It was only yestеrday thаt Woo-уeon felt ‘аbandоned’ for thе first timе. He wаs abandоned bу thе mothеr hе had sреnt his entirе lifе with, аbandonеd bу the Теасher he had relied on for his existence, and abandoned by the world he had barely managed to endure. Woo-yeon had simply been curious about who the man named Kim Do-hyun was.
“……So,”
Do-hyun continued his story for a very long time. How he grew up, where he met Soo-hyang, and when he began living with his current parents. The details were complex and the circumstances numerous, but his voice remained calm as he spoke.
“I couldn’t tell you.”
The voice, carried by the breeze, settled softly upon Woo-yeon’s lap. An expression Woo-yeon had never seen before revealed raw anxiety. His quietly clenched fists also showed how tense he was.
Woo-yeon slowly turned his head to look at the scenery reflected outside the window. The cherry blossoms had all fallen, and only the lush green leaves heralded the approaching summer. The rainy season would likely arrive soon, and with those rains, this semester would come to an end.
“I’m sorry.”
The Teacher Woo-yeon remembered was always a composed and flawless person. He had always keenly observed Woo-yeon’s emotions and offered gentle words of comfort whenever he felt depressed. No matter the form, the words spoken in that mild and kind voice always left a deep impression on Woo-yeon’s heart.
“I’m sorry, Yeon-ah.”
That was why Woo-yeon had always been curious about Do-hyun. Who he was, what kind of life he had lived, what he thought, and what emotions he felt.
“I didn’t want to be abandoned by you.”
Now, that same Do-hyun was admitting with his own mouth that he was scared. He pleaded, saying he didn’t want to be abandoned, and apologized, claiming everything was his fault. He looked so fragile that Woo-yeon felt a surge of pity, despite being angry with him.
“……I.”
Woo-yeon barely managed to start speaking before falling silent again. The long conversation had reached a point where there were no appropriate words to serve as a period. In his cluttered mind, the things Do-hyun had said were tangled in a mess.
“I……”
A breeze drifted in through the slightly open gap of the window. The somewhat humid air was the polar opposite of the dry pheromones emanating from Do-hyun. Woo-yeon slowly lowered his eyes, shifting his gaze to the floor.
“……I understand.”
These were the words that slipped out. A single sentence stating that he understood Do-hyun’s situation simply with his head, rationally. And then, slow but clear words of empathy toward him.
“Even if I were the Teacher…… I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. I wouldn’t have been able to say it like this, either.”
Woo-yeon said this and looked up. Beyond the brim of his low-pulled hat, he saw Do-hyun with his mouth tightly shut. He wasn’t wearing his usual smiling face, nor was he waiting with his usual composure. At that, Woo-yeon’s voice began to trail off.
“I understand, I understand it with my head, but……”
Even to Woo-yeon, who had known nothing, Do-hyun’s circumstances were bittersweet. Woo-yeon couldn’t dare imagine how lonely Do-hyun must have been at such a young age. While Woo-yeon felt suffocated in his narrow world, Do-hyun didn’t even have a tiny control mechanism to bind him.
“……But I can’t say that it’s okay.”
However, even when no one is intentionally wrong, someone is bound to get hurt. He knew Do-hyun had no choice, but it didn’t change the fact that he felt upset. He could have told me, he could have shown some sign, still, still…… The endless stream of ‘stills’ prevented his understanding from turning into forgiveness.
“It’s only been one day.”
Yesterday, after leaving Do-hyun, Woo-yeon had cried until his chest ached. He cried while riding in Driver Yoon’s car, and he cried as he passed the high walls of his home. In the house he was entering for the first time in four years, he poured out all his sorrow in tears, just as he had four years ago.
“How can I be okay in just one day?”
The medicine prescribed by time had not yet taken effect. His head could not overcome his heart, and Woo-yeon was still wounded. The betrayal he couldn’t quite erase blocked his vision whenever he almost forgot.
“I can’t do it, Teacher.”
“……Do you think you’ll be okay if more time passes?”
Do-hyun gazed blankly at Woo-yeon. At a glance, it seemed like a question filled with hope, but his pitch-black pupils contained nothing but resignation. Noticing this, Woo-yeon answered in a very small voice.
“No.”
“…….”
“I’m sorry.”
The breath-like tone brought a silence between them. Do-hyun said nothing, and Woo-yeon stood up, pulling his hat down.
Just as he was about to pack his bag, a low voice reached him.
“I wasn’t asking for your forgiveness.”
Do-hyun kept his head bowed, covering his eyes with his large hand. Beneath the straight fingers, the veins on the back of his hand were prominent. After sighing a few times, Do-hyun continued softly.
“I know that no matter what I say, your mind won’t change. And it’s not like we won’t break up just because I unilaterally try to hold onto you.”
His tone was calm, but the emotions contained within were not. Woo-yeon felt that Do-hyun’s emotions were excessively visible today. There had always been a certain distance, but now it felt as if the curtain had been lifted, allowing him to look straight inside.
“Understanding with the head but not with the heart…… I know what that’s like. I thought it would be like this.”
Having said that, Do-hyun took a deep breath. The breath he released a few more times reached Woo-yeon along with his dry pheromones. Keeping his head bowed, Do-hyun whispered almost inaudibly.
“But I still love you, so what can I do?”
“…….”
It felt as if time had stopped. Every moment revolved around Do-hyun’s every word. In the surrounding silence, only Do-hyun’s desperate voice echoed.
“I’ve thought about it a lot.”
“…….”
“I wondered if it would be better to just let us break up like this, since I’m the one who messed up, maybe I don’t even have the right to cling to you like this.”
“…….”
“Actually, I was going to be honest with you, and if you still said it wouldn’t work, I was going to give up. Since continuing to hold on would be selfish, I intended to go along with whatever you wanted.”
Because his face was covered, Woo-yeon couldn’t see what expression he was making. Whether his face was distorted, whether he was frowning, or even if he was biting his lip.
“But I can’t give up.”
“…….”
“I don’t think I can.”
Do-hyun lifted only his eyes to slowly look at Woo-yeon. His eyes were red, but there were no tears clinging to the corners. His gentle and kind eyes began to distort slowly.
“Don’t go, Woo-yeon.”
Woo-yeon didn’t stop him from reaching out. The hand that had been gripping his bag was caught by Do-hyun, but he didn’t make any attempt to pull away.
Do-hyun carefully pressed his forehead against the hand he held with both of his.
“I can’t let you go like this.”
He felt a warm body temperature. A warmth that felt slightly hot was transmitted through every point of contact. Pheromones that had sunk into depression were also flowing out in waves.
“Please don’t go……”
Had he ever heard such a sorrowful plea? Woo-yeon looked down at Do-hyun’s head and bit his lower lip hard. A corner of his chest felt tight; it felt as if he might get indigestion despite having eaten nothing.
It had only been one day. Just as the betrayal he felt toward him had not faded, his affection for him had not cooled. If it were a heart that could cool in just one day, he wouldn’t be feeling this miserable.
“……I like you, Teacher.”
At the words quietly uttered, Do-hyun lifted his head. But as expected of his quick wit, his eyes were full of anxiety. Woo-yeon slowly pulled his hand away and turned his head aside.
“But this was wrong from the start.”
Woo-yeon no longer had the confidence to like Do-hyun. He didn’t have the courage to show him everything, pour out his emotions, and love him. Because he had poured in too much affection, his once-full heart had become empty.
“There are things that shouldn’t happen even if you like someone.”
With those words, Woo-yeon picked up his bag again. If he left the club room leaving Do-hyun behind like this, it would surely be the end for real this time. Once the door closed, his heart would close, and the space locked away would never open again.
Just a Seonbae and Hubae relationship. If it were just that, he might be able to get along with Do-hyun. Like he did with Daniel, he could draw a proper line and reminisce that it was once a good memory. Of course, that too would be nothing more than a time-limited relationship.
Do-hyun couldn’t say a word until Woo-yeon stood before the club room door. As he placed his hand on the handle, Woo-yeon felt a sense of déjà vu that the relationship would end just like yesterday. But right before he opened the door, a low voice came from behind.
“……Then let’s start over.”
The voice from behind sounded almost determined. The hand about to open the door stopped reflexively.
“Not as a Teacher, but as a Seonbae, or just as a Hyung you know. We can just start over from the beginning like that.”
“What are you talking about?”
Woo-yeon unconsciously turned his head to look at Do-hyun. It was because what he was saying was too absurd. Ignoring Woo-yeon’s bewildered expression, Do-hyun spoke in a serious voice.
“I’ll confess that I like you every day.”
For a moment, he couldn’t understand. Confessing every day, why on earth? As if reading his thoughts, Do-hyun explained further calmly.
“I won’t ask you to like me back, and I won’t ask you to date me. I’ll only confess.”
“…….”
“You can just ignore me, or curse at me occasionally, or even kick me, and I’ll take it.”
It was an utterly brazen statement. No, it sounded downright stupid. Where had he let everything Woo-yeon had said go in and out of, and what exactly would change by doing that?
“Don’t do something useless.”
“I won’t know if it’s useless or not until I try.”
Do-hyun didn’t approach Woo-yeon and simply maintained eye contact. Then, in a very serious voice, he spoke clearly.
“I like you.”
“…….”
It was the phrase Do-hyun had promised to say until Woo-yeon believed him, on the day they decided to date. It was also a phrase he hadn’t properly heard since then.
To Woo-yeon, who was silently biting his lip, the same words were heard again.
“I like you, Woo-yeon.”
Woo-yeon didn’t hesitate any longer and opened the club room door. Do-hyun didn’t stop him; instead, he spoke in a firm voice.
“See you tomorrow.”
Naturally, Woo-yeon didn’t answer.
However, even at the moment he closed the door, he felt as if he could hear the voice saying it liked him. For some reason, he had a feeling that this relationship would change subtly.