7 – Chapter 7

Hae-won opened his eyes to the sound of his phone ringing. His entire body ached as if he had been beaten. He felt as weak as if he had a high fever, without even the strength to move a finger.

“Ugh…”

A groan escaped him. Hae-won barely managed to sit up and looked around for the source of the phone ringing. His phone was lying on the floor far across the living room. Struggling, he walked over and slumped down onto the floor. He picked up the phone.

“Yes.”

His voice was hoarse and cracked. It didn’t sound like his own. The night he had expected to be romantic, tender, and caring—the night with the man he thought would cherish him—had shattered Hae-won’s consciousness and left his entire body exhausted.

His movements, as if trying to fill the emptiness Hae-won had endured until now, were like those of a beast starved for three or four days, a different person entirely. As they went on, he gradually returned to the Hyun Woo-jin he knew when clothed, but the initial act was so intense that Hae-won couldn’t shake the feeling of a different Hyun Woo-jin. The pain on the inside of his thighs was the worst. Even the slightest exertion made his skin tremble.

—Are you awake?

“……”

Hearing his voice, Hae-won suddenly felt a sting in his nose. He hated the man who had hurt him like this, yet he also missed him unbearably.

—Are you okay?

“No, I’m not.”

—Well, who told you to provoke me?

The morning without him was dreadful. Last night had been nothing like Hae-won’s expectations. It wasn’t happy or joyful. It felt as if he had been swept away by something and left in ruins. Even though Hyun Woo-jin had washed him, something trickled out from between his legs as he sat slumped on the floor. His underwear was already soaked.

—Stay quietly at home. I’ll come by in the evening.

“Don’t come. I’m in pain.”

—I’ll hang up.

Hae-won wanted to complain more about how much his body hurt, but the call ended.

Leaning against the wall, Hae-won sat slumped for a while before finally managing to get up. He hurried to take a shower because his face felt sticky and dried out.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, he looked at his reflection, unable to believe the raw marks of scratches and claw-like wounds all over his body. They weren’t from lips but from sharp claws hidden beneath human skin. He had suffered not only external injuries but internal ones as well.

The traces Hyun Woo-jin had left on his intimate parts served as proof that the hazy events of last night weren’t just a dream-like delusion. As if he had been captured and his mind reshaped last night, Hae-won felt the man before him wasn’t himself. Staggering, he left the bathroom and got dressed.

The reason anger surged within him wasn’t because Hyun Woo-jin had left him alone like this to attend to his own business. He had said he was swamped with work. Around four in the morning, he had coaxed the exhausted Hae-won, carried him to the bathroom, and washed him. After showering together, he dried Hae-won’s hair and laid him down on the bed. Hae-won lay there like a doll with only his consciousness intact, watching Hyun Woo-jin get dressed in the darkness.

Once fully dressed in underwear, pants, a shirt, and a neck tie, Hyun Woo-jin swept back his damp hair and approached Hae-won, looking down at his naked body. Then, with an indifferent expression as if performing a duty, he unzipped his pants and took out his genitals. That hideous, ferocious mass of flesh had hardened without any consideration for Hae-won’s condition or state. He took Hae-won’s limp hand and forced it to touch him.

As if he had any conscience, Hyun Woo-jin placed his own hand over Hae-won’s and forced him to stroke it. Then, he poured his semen all over Hae-won’s face and lips, which were too exhausted to even open his mouth. The man’s warm semen seeped into Hae-won’s tightly closed eyes, cheeks, and lips.

Though the man was never one for varied expressions, when he revealed his sexual desire, his posture became terrifyingly composed. He poured out desires that could never be mere duty without changing his expression at all.

It wasn’t that he was trying to suppress his urges; he seemed to be controlling them so that such impulses couldn’t dominate him. If he wanted to hide something, it seemed he could conceal any desire or impulse beneath his skin.

After drenching Hae-won’s face like that, Hyun Woo-jin quietly exhaled his slightly ragged breath and calmed himself. He tucked his genitals back into his underwear, zipped up his pants, and then touched Hae-won’s lips for a while before saying, “Sleep well,” and leaving just like that.

In the darkness, his eyes held the vastness of a black forest. Watching the man leave, Hae-won realized he was trapped in that forest. The words “Sleep well,” spoken as tenderly as usual, made tears well up in his eyes, and anger surged within him.

Hae-won changed the bedsheets, which bore the terrible traces of last night’s lovemaking, and tidied up. Every time he moved, his muscles and joints screamed in pain. He cleared away every hint of last night’s events and ordered delivery food to fill his hungry stomach.

He changed the door lock code for his Officetel and turned his phone face down. Stretching out on the sofa, he listened to Brahms’ violin concerto through headphones. He dozed off briefly and woke up around four in the afternoon.

Gazing out the window at the afternoon scene, he gathered his strength, which had recovered enough to move, and got up.

He put on his coat and left the Officetel. The weekend streets were somewhat quiet and calm. He bought a hot coffee to-go from a café and headed to a nearby PC bang. Though he wasn’t very knowledgeable about games, he occasionally visited for the fun of people-watching when he was bored. It was a good place to pass the time without getting bored when he had nothing to do, and it was also suitable for avoiding someone he didn’t want to see.

Hae-won sat in a corner seat, listening to the clattering keyboard sounds from the man in front of him, and searched for performance videos. Wearing headphones, he listened to Brahms performed by others. Suddenly remembering Seo Okhwa, he searched for her videos and found a longer list than expected. He listened to a few songs. It was understandable that she was angry at him for not recognizing her. She was a legendary soprano in that neighborhood. (Though she seemed to have become even more famous after marrying a chaebol heir.)

When he got tired of the videos, he went to a shopping site and clicked around aimlessly, browsing clothes. Then, he stared at a deep navy-colored wrap coat for a long time. It looked similar to the coat Hyun Woo-jin had worn recently. He preferred suits that were sophisticated without being overly flashy, sticking to the basics. Well, he was a civil servant, so it made sense. His long limbs and well-proportioned physique made anything he wore look like a work of art.

Without even realizing it, Hae-won was looking for clothes he wanted to see Hyun Woo-jin wear. The clock in the lower right corner of the monitor showed it was past six. Hyun Woo-jin had said he would come in the evening, but Hae-won didn’t want to care. He had left his phone behind and, most importantly, changed the door lock code. He hoped Hyun Woo-jin would come in vain and just leave. He wanted to mess with him. He also wanted to see him stomping around in anger.

He was engrossed in shopping when he noticed commotion beyond the headphones playing music. Taking off the headphones, he heard people murmuring.

“What the hell, why are the police here in broad daylight?”

Though seven in the evening wasn’t exactly broad daylight, the man sitting across from him seemed guilty of something as he muttered curses and hastily hid things at his feet in his bag. From the clinking sound, it seemed like soju bottles.

Two police officers entered the PC bang and began picking out teenagers. The loud game music blaring from the speakers noticeably quieted down.

“CEO, do you sell alcohol here too?”

“We don’t sell it. What am I supposed to do if customers sneak it in?”

The police officer’s eyes lit up as he discovered something and asked the man who appeared to be the owner. The owner waved his hands dismissively, trying to distract the officer by making a fuss.

The police officer seemed very resentful about this unexpected duty. He diligently searched for alcohol bottles and singled out teenagers. The officer grabbed the nape of the man sitting across from Hae-won and pulled him up. The man, who had been clinking something as he cleaned up, was clearly a teenager even to Hae-won’s eyes.

“Hey, damn it. Let go. It hurts!”

“CEO, there are too many violations here. I told you before, you can’t run your business like this. You know how parents are making a fuss these days. Come with us to the police station for now.”

“Officer, why are you doing this all of a sudden? Do we really have to go this far?”

“I have no choice. Orders came from above. This PC bang was specifically targeted.”

It seemed the owner was being taken away. Since the police officers entered, people had been quietly getting up from their seats and disappearing without a sound.

Hae-won also discreetly got up from his seat. The police officer, who was holding onto the clothes of a teenager drinking alcohol while skipping academy time, turned his head toward Hae-won.

Though Hae-won could pass for a college student, his appearance made it hard to claim he was a teenager. The officer’s gaze lingered sharply on Hae-won’s face before moving elsewhere.

Feeling oddly guilty even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, Hae-won left the PC bang as if being chased out. So many people were rushing out like a receding tide that he didn’t even pay.

Where should he go?

Hae-won stood blankly for a moment. The people chased out of the PC bang stood on the street, lost, smoking cigarettes stiffly. Hae-won stood among them, dumbfounded for a while.

After being exhausted by Hyun Woo-jin last night, his movements were sluggish, and his limbs felt heavy. He didn’t have the energy to wander around aimlessly. In the end, Hae-won bought a hamburger on his way back to the Officetel. He also bought the french fries Hyun Woo-jin had thrown away, calling them garbage.

Hae-won unlocked the door lock and opened the door. Someone was inside. A delicious smell wafted through the air, as if someone was cooking. He went inside and saw In-young standing in the kitchen. Hae-won was more surprised at himself for not being as shocked as he expected.

“How did you get in?”

“Don’t change the code. Figuring it out is nothing, but it’s a hassle. And I don’t have time.”

That damn time, time, time. Hae-won barely swallowed the words he wanted to say: “If you’re so busy, why did you have sex and then leave someone suffering at four in the morning because you had no time?” He didn’t want to provoke Hyun Woo-jin and repeat what happened last night.

Hyun Woo-jin was making something in the Officetel kitchen. He had rolled up his shirt sleeves to his elbows, and his bothersome neck tie was thrown over his shoulder. Sizzling… the sound and smell of something frying filled the air.

Soon, dinner was laid out on the table. A medium-rare tenderloin steak, butter-roasted baby potatoes, asparagus, onions, and broccoli were plated. His movements as he drizzled the sauce were quite careful. After setting the table, he took out wine glasses that Hae-won didn’t own and poured wine.

“Have dinner.”

“I won’t.”

“Here we go again. Are we back to square one?”

“There’s no square one with you.”

“Why, is sex not your thing?”

“……”

He had no intention of doing something devoid of emotion or affection again. If Hyun Woo-jin wouldn’t leave, Hae-won would. He was even willing to go to his father’s house, a place he never wanted to visit.

“Does it matter what your preferences are? I thought you wanted to sleep with me.”

“Not like that.”

“What did I do wrong? Don’t you remember how much you enjoyed it?”

“It only felt that way because you squeezed it out so crudely.”

His lips curved into a smile. He approached Hae-won, who was standing blankly at the entrance, unable to enter his own home, and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him inside as if it were his own house. Then, he naturally took the hamburger from Hae-won’s hand and threw it straight into the trash.

“Cigarette smell.”

He suddenly brought his face close and sniffed Hae-won, then frowned.

“You don’t like cigarette smell?”

“I don’t like it on you. I can’t smell your scent.”

“Oh? Good. I have a New Year’s resolution now. Smoking. The ultimate goal is to become a chain smoker.”

“Wash your hands. Let’s have dinner.”

He forcibly pushed Hae-won into the bathroom. Hae-won stood in front of the sink, sighed, and washed his hands. He sat down at the table across from Hyun Woo-jin, who was waiting for him. Hyun Woo-jin picked up a fork and knife. Everything was something Hae-won didn’t own.

“Let’s eat.”

He cut the meat and put it in his mouth. Hae-won just sat there watching him. There was a chilling disconnect between the Hyun Woo-jin who had done those things to him last night and the Hyun Woo-jin sitting before him now, calmly eating dinner. They were clearly the same person.

“Why are you staring like that? It won’t put a hole in my face.”

“Eat and get out quickly.”

“Eat up. Should I cut it for you?”

He lightly ignored Hae-won’s words, took the plate, and cut the meat for him. He cut everything into bite-sized pieces and returned the plate. When Hae-won refused to eat, Hyun Woo-jin moved to sit beside him. He speared a piece of well-cooked meat with a fork and brought it to Hae-won’s lips.

“What are you doing?”

“Your face looks half its size after one night.”

“It’s because of you.”

“That’s why I’m feeding you.”

He spoke tenderly. His tone and actions overflowed with honey-like affection. As Hae-won opened his lips slightly to retort, the juicy meat suddenly entered his mouth. He almost spat it out but thought better of it, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle the consequences. Instead, he chewed and swallowed it as if chewing on an enemy. Hae-won realized, from the fact that he didn’t spit out the meat but chewed and swallowed it, that Hyun Woo-jin had somewhat corrected his manners.

Hyun Woo-jin fed Hae-won meat at his eating pace. He generously coated a golden-brown potato with sauce and fed it to him. Honestly, it was much better than eating a hamburger alone. Hae-won learned one more thing about him: his cooking was top-notch.

He drank the wine Hyun Woo-jin poured for him. As Hae-won finished the wine, Hyun Woo-jin, who had been holding a halved asparagus and waiting, took his phone out of his back pocket. It was vibrating, as if a call had come in.

He checked the screen and answered the call. As Hae-won set down the wine glass, the waiting asparagus was placed into his mouth. Feeding him, Hyun Woo-jin spoke.

“Yes. Who. When. Is he still there? No, I can’t go. I said I can’t go. Handle that much on your own. It’s not like this is the first or second time you’ve been obstructed, why are you so scared and calling me? Just say I ordered it. That guy is a stubborn blockhead, so tell him we’re handling it according to legal review. Anything beyond that is confidential. Say we’ll review it once we get the head prosecutor’s stamp. Don’t even show the shell of the investigation materials. Who was it that got him released on medical parole after three months in prison? Why is he barking at me?”

Hyun Woo-jin seemed conscious of Hae-won beside him and gave only minimal, concise instructions. He ended the call and placed his phone face down on the table.

“Do you have to go?”

“No need to go.”

Like a mother bird feeding her chick, Hyun Woo-jin diligently fed Hae-won. Like the witch from Hansel and Gretel, fattening up a child deliciously before devouring them.

After the meal, Hyun Woo-jin cleaned up. He washed the dishes neatly, wiped his hands on a dry cloth, and turned around.

Hae-won had been extremely displeased at having to clean up the sheets after lovemaking alone because Hyun Woo-jin had left so heartlessly in the early morning. But seeing him tidy up the kitchen so neatly, his disappointment and displeasure gradually faded. He had acknowledged it last night and had no intention of denying it now or reversing his stance. Hae-won liked him.

“Come here.”

Hyun Woo-jin gently grabbed Hae-won’s wrist, who was sitting curled up, and pulled him with his weight. The direction was toward the bed. When Hae-won hesitated, he reassured him, holding his wrist and then taking his hand. Their warm hands met, and he patted and stroked them gently.

They sat side by side on the bed. Hyun Woo-jin, sitting next to Hae-won, brought over a bag he had placed on the side table. It seemed he had brought it. Hae-won hadn’t seen it during the day.

Inside the pharmacy bag were ointments and bandages. Without a word, Hyun Woo-jin lifted Hae-won’s shirt. As if to say, “Look at what you did under the bright light,” Hae-won didn’t resist as Hyun Woo-jin undressed him, raising his arms or lifting his hips. Hyun Woo-jin’s eyes scrutinized his own handiwork. He brought his face close to Hae-won’s chest, examining it intently, his exhaled breath lightly touching the skin.

He squeezed ointment onto his finger and carefully applied it to the injured areola and nipple. Hae-won flinched and tightly gripped the sheet beneath his hand.

“Should I check below too?”

The area below was out of sight, so he couldn’t confirm, but it must have been a mess too. He pointed at the bed, tapping it, indicating for Hae-won to lie face down. Hae-won obediently pressed his cheek against the pillow and lay prone. The ointment was applied to the nape of his neck, shoulders, shoulder blades, and spine. After applying ointment to his buttocks as well, he spread Hae-won’s legs apart.

“Goodness…”

Tsk-tsking and clicking his tongue as if admiring someone else’s handiwork, Hyun Woo-jin meticulously applied medicine to the devastated inner area as well. It was fortunate he was lying face down. The delicate touch of his fingers sent blood rushing downwards.

A finger thickly coated with ointment burrowed into the cleft of his buttocks. Hae-won’s fingers gripped the pillow tightly.

“The lacerations are severe.”

If he knew that, he should have apologized, or said he didn’t know it was this bad, or offered some excuse, but he only assessed his own actions as if they were someone else’s and rubbed the hole.

“…Ngh.”

“You can’t do this alone. Of course, me doing it for you is an exception.”

His middle finger, thickly coated with slippery ointment, swept around the periphery, then plunged deep inside. Even though it was a finger, incomparably smaller in volume compared to last night’s intrusion, Hae-won felt his breath catch.

He quietly prodded inside. The finger, licking the inner walls as it withdrew, raised its tip. The knuckled finger left distinct stimulation, repeating its exit and entry.

“Haa, ah… ngh…”

Hae-won grabbed his thigh. He crumpled the suit pants, clutching the fabric.

“Want to see it again… Hae-won coming. I thought it was urine?”

“Ugh, ngh…”

“So you cried? From embarrassment?”

The finger increased to two, thrusting inside. His swaying waist lifted slightly, raising his buttocks a bit more. His face grew hot. Rubbing his cheek against the pillow, panting heavily, the man’s fingers began moving faster.

Muscles and tendons bulged on his arm as he aimed to strike Hae-won’s insides. Hae-won bent one knee, raising his hips. From behind, his fingers were embedded, and in front, he rubbed against the sheet. Knowing Hae-won was nearing his limit, Hyun Woo-jin deliberately avoided crossing that boundary, giving only the faintest, smoldering stimulation.

“Haa, faster…, more, just a little, more, ngh!”

“Don’t rush me. I decide when you come.”

His torment continued. Not letting him reach the boiling point, maintaining a precarious balance, not allowing release, yet not extinguishing it either. He kept Hae-won suspended in mid-air, neither lifting him up nor letting him down, spinning him around at an awkward height.

“That bastard will regret for the rest of his life that he couldn’t lay you flat.”

“Huh… ngh, faster, ah…!”

“Because of you, haa, Moon Hae-won, because of you, my plans are ruined.”

He let out a deep, self-deprecating sigh and thrust his middle finger in so deep it made a sound. He was deliberately avoiding the area that seemed about to ignite. Clenching around the finger, he wriggled his buttocks. At times like this, he displayed the patience and restraint of a saint. Hae-won licked his own feverish lips.

“Ung… ngh, ah… ung…”

Moans were clearly urging him on. Burying his cheek in the pillow, he turned his head. He looked at him. He pretended not to know about his own erection. When Hae-won reached out to touch his center, he twisted Hae-won’s arm behind his back.

“Ngh!”

His face was buried in the pillow again. He could feel the flesh of his buttocks trembling. His fingers withdrew. The hole was damp and sticky. His fully erect penis was itchy with a viscous fluid dripping down.

He felt him climb onto the bed and approach from behind. Having lowered his zipper, he took out his erect penis. Grabbing the flesh of Hae-won’s buttocks with both hands, he spread them apart. The man’s warm, feverish flesh touched the spot that flinched and eagerly awaited something.

Holding the base, he rubbed thickly at the entrance. He didn’t thrust in abruptly like last night. He gave ample time and warning, imprinting his presence. He entered slowly. Breath caught. It wasn’t a sudden strangulation of the airway, but a feeling of a thin cord slowly tightening around the throat.

“Uu…”

“Haa, if that’s not your preference, I can change it. Huh? Either way, ngh, it’s still Moon Hae-won.”

He lifted slowly. Ribs were tightly pressed. Each time the club-like thing thrust in and out, his breath was cut off. It hurt, but unlike yesterday, the feeling, the sensation, was good.

“Ah… ah… ung… haa… ugh…”

It felt so good that moans flowed out along with saliva from his parted lips. Hyun Woo-jin, gripping his pelvis, churned Hae-won, coiled around him, sucked him up, and shook him as he pleased. Not just his body, but his brain melted like butter, loosening stickily. The man, who had been shaking Hae-won right below the limit, carefully avoiding the boiling point, pulled out his red-hot genitals. The vulva twitched as if regretful.

He flipped Hae-won’s body over. Embracing his back, he sat him up on his own thighs. When had he taken off his top? Hyun Woo-jin was half-naked.

Hae-won climbed on top of Hyun Woo-jin, who was lying on his back on the bed. His hand groped between Hae-won’s legs and accurately stabbed his genitals into the wet hole. Hae-won leaned forward as if falling, bracing his weight with both hands on his chest. The pulsation and body temperature felt through his entire palms made his whole body tingle.

He slumped onto his lower body. Hae-won bent his waist as if to pull out the pillar he was holding inside. Only a slight frown appeared on his brow, but his expression showed little change. Having erected him to the point of bursting, ignoring the boiling heat, his reason and instinct seemed to be playing separately as different personalities. Hae-won wanted to provoke him.

“Can I come? Ngh, if I get permission from Hyun Woo-jin, can I… haa, can I come?”

“A little longer.”

He said indifferently. When Hae-won bent his waist inward, he thrust up from below, filling him tightly. The lush pubic hair touching his sensitive flesh stung. His hand touched the red, swollen nipple. Hae-won flinched his shoulders and hunched over. He savored the inner walls tightening thickly. Bending his lower back and lifting his head, he grabbed his chin and pulled it down.

“Do it while looking at my face.”

“No… no, no, ah…!”

“You have a pretty face. Looking at it makes me feel good.”

“…I’m pretty?”

“Yeah.”

“Haa… ngh…”

His hand cupped his cheek. Their eyes met. Pupils gleaming with a matte luster stole his vision with eerie magnetism. Hae-won contorted his face, moaning, and stared straight into the man’s eyes.

The thumb that had been touching his cheek rubbed Hae-won’s lips. Hae-won sucked his finger. As his eyes began to close on their own, Hyun Woo-jin slapped Hae-won’s buttocks with a loud smack.

“Ngh!”

“Look while you do it.”

“Huh… ngh… ugh… mm…”

Puckering his lips, he sucked the finger and tickled it with his tongue. The bedroom filled with obscene moans. Soundproofed so no sound could escape, the lust trying to devour each other couldn’t disperse anywhere, pooling in the air, filling his eyes and ears like hallucinations and auditory illusions.

It wasn’t a violent collision where breath came in gasps, but beneath that, thrusting with him felt like slowly swimming together, submerged in a hot, soft, viscous mucus.

Hae-won’s brain grew languid and damp. He knew his preferences precisely. His own grew in volume, the hardness firming. Hae-won stabbed the man into the position he desired. Sweat spread, making the skin of his palms pressing against his chest stick slickly.

Hae-won was admiring Hyun Woo-jin’s face anew. He touched the tightly closed line of the man’s mouth with his finger. He traced the drawn-like eyebrows, densely packed eyelashes, and the closed eyelids avoiding his finger.

He raised his upper body. Soon, he embraced Hae-won’s waist. Hae-won wrapped his arms around his neck. Their lips met. A sharp pain arose on his heated lips. He pushed his tongue into his mouth and licked the man.

“Ung… ng…”

While kissing him mindlessly and colliding below, his phone on the table buzzed with a vibration. Hae-won detached his lips, rubbed his cheek against Hyun Woo-jin’s cheek, and spoke with his lips against his ear.

“Phone, ah, your phone’s ringing.”

“Leave it.”

“Haa… ngh… ng… feels good.”

Pressing his body tightly against his chest, rounding his waist, Hae-won rubbed his anxiously standing genitals against Hyun Woo-jin’s abdomen. Sensation and emotion were extremely heightened, his brain trembling. He tightly embraced Hae-won’s waist, pressing the flesh as if compressing it further. His once even breathing had also become labored.

“Ngh…”

Moving up and down in that state, front and back were stimulated simultaneously, spreading a pleasure like electric current.

“Pee, haa, need to pee…”

“Not yet.”

That’s when it happened. His phone vibrated again. Hae-won stared at the phone on the table with hazy eyes. Pushed by the vibration, the phone seemed about to fall to the floor any moment. It was moving, shifting little by little.

“Phone… phone’s ringing. Huh… ngh.”

“……”

The fact that he didn’t say to just leave it meant the phone ringing twice seemed to bother him.

This wasn’t a sensation that could be cut off like this. No, the supreme pleasure, one he was certain he wouldn’t feel again, enveloped him and the man. What seeped out with every gasp of his boiling breath was terribly obscene.

The vibration that had been ringing for a while stopped. He laid Hae-won down on the bed. Sweat-damp hair tangled above his forehead. He placed Hae-won’s legs over his shoulders and raised his knees.

That’s when it happened. The phone vibrated again. Hearing the sound, he glanced back. It seemed to be a call he couldn’t ignore. It seemed to bother him; he kept trying to look back. He possessed the self-control to cut it off right now if he decided to.

“Your phone’s ringing. Phone… answer the phone.”

He pushed his arm, urging him to answer quickly. As he, with Hae-won’s legs over his shoulders, bent his upper body, his waist bent as if about to break, and his chest touched Hae-won’s chest. Hae-won’s breath caught, his face grew hot. Amidst the continued vibration, the sound of his phone falling to the floor was heard, but he didn’t look back. And he began thrusting hard.

“Haa, ah! Ah… ngh, ngh!”

“Need to pee, ugh, need to pee? Hae-won-ah, are you a baby?”

“Hah, ah, ah, need to pee. Haa, want to… come. Ah… ung, let me… come.”

Embracing the man’s shoulders, whispering obscenely in a pained voice near his ear, Hae-won licked his earlobe with his tongue. His movements grew fierce. The speed and intensity of the thrusts inside increased together. The phone vibration started again, but he ignored it. Veins bulged on his straight forehead as he concentrated on the act.

Hae-won gripped Hyun Woo-jin’s hard shoulders so tightly his fingers hurt. He felt like he might stop breathing. His chin jerked up. The urge to ejaculate surged. Hae-won shook his head. If he gave permission, he should come, but his unchaste body felt it. A scream burst out. Nerves and consciousness flowed down like pus. Hae-won came, smearing something hot on his stomach.

“Ah, ah… ung! Ngh!”

His lips attached to the nape of Hae-won’s neck, trembling with pleasure, his tongue licking wetly upward as he thrust his hips up. Following the prominent cervical and spinal vertebrae of Hyun Woo-jin, who bowed his head, Hae-won lowered his hand.

“Hyun Woo-jin, good, Woo-jin Hyung…”

His voice cracked as if air was leaking. Whispering his name softly, he thrust deep in an instant and stiffened his movement.

“Huh… ngh!”

His abdomen, ejaculating, writhed. He felt the hot fluid soaking inside. Having ejaculated long inside, he drew in a sharp breath all at once. His chest rose and fell rapidly.

“Haa, haa…”

Hyun Woo-jin looked down at Hae-won. He stared sharply at the face flushed red, consciousness and body drenched and faint. As his deeply embedded member withdrew, warm semen flowed out together. He embraced his back as he tried to raise his upper body. Hyun Woo-jin, who had been pondering something for a moment, faced Hae-won and hugged him.

“Hyung…, Woo-jin Hyung.”

“……”

Even though he had asked to be called that, Hyun Woo-jin seemed awkward as Hae-won instantly closed the physical distance between them and drew close. A large hand slowly approached the back of Hae-won’s head. The hesitant hand slowly stroked the back of his head.

For quite a while, he held Hae-won, who couldn’t escape the afterglow of ejaculation and floundered, as if comforting him, then detached his upper body and fell away. Hae-won looked up at him. Hyun Woo-jin brushed back Hae-won’s sweat-damp hair.

“I’ll go make a quick call and come back.”

Zipping up his pants, not even putting on his top, he picked up the phone that had fallen on the floor and went out of the officetel.

“……”

In a somewhat dazed mood, Hae-won collapsed onto the bed, pulling the sheet over his naked body. He felt Hyun Woo-jin’s traces trickling out, wetting between his thighs.

Even after a long time, he didn’t return. What if he ran into someone in the hallway half-naked? Even if he didn’t run into anyone, the weather was too cold to be outside so poorly dressed for a long call. Thinking he should at least bring him some clothes, Hae-won sluggishly got up, and just then he came in. He was hunching his shoulders, perhaps from the cold.

“Aren’t you cold? What kind of call did you make outside for so long?”

He approached Hae-won directly and got into the bed. Lifting the sheet, he came in and pulled Hae-won’s naked body into an embrace. Hyun Woo-jin’s body was like an ice block. Startled by the cold temperature, Hae-won stiffened his spine.

Embracing Hae-won, Hyun Woo-jin rubbed his lips against his collarbone. His lips and face were too cold. Hae-won wrapped his arms around his shoulders and hastily stroked his bare back with his heated hands. He held Hae-won in both arms and shivered.

“Don’t give me your cold.”

“I don’t even remember the last time I caught a cold.”

He answered Hae-won’s warning. Hyun Woo-jin’s hand went down Hae-won’s spine to his buttocks and thighs, touching. After holding him for a while, the chill had lifted and his body temperature had returned.

“Wasn’t it urgent?”

At Hae-won’s hint that he should go, he shook his head. It was a quite different appearance from the coldly turning away at dawn. The man who had been nestled against his chest lifted his face. Hae-won met his eyes.

“What did you call me earlier?”

“Call you what?”

“You called me something.”

“…Me?”

“Yeah.”

“Sir?”

“Not that. You called me something that made my ears tingle.”

“Old man. Grandfather. Mister.”

“Must be a title that only comes out when you’re feeling too good, huh?”

If that was the case, he seemed determined to hear it again somehow. Hae-won hastily pulled Hyun Woo-jin’s neck into an embrace.

“Hyung.”

“Say it with my name.”

He seemed to really like that. Come to think of it, when he called him that, he had ejaculated. He seemed armored in steel, but there was an unexpected vulnerability in the gaps.

“Hyun Woo-jin Mister. Hyun Woo-jin Grandfather.”

His hand gripped his buttocks so tightly it hurt. Hae-won let out a yelp.

“Woo-jin Hyung.”

“…I like that.”

“Hyung, Woo-jin Hyung.”

“……”

“Woo-jin Hyung.”

“Call me that from now on.”

“Yes, Great-great-grandfather.”

Though he couldn’t see his expression while embracing him, he could tell from the tremor in the air that his lips were smiling.

∞ ∞ ∞

Hae-won pulled his turtleneck up to his chin to hide the marks Hyun Woo-jin had left on his neck. He put on his coat and gloves. For several days, he hadn’t even taken his violin out of its case.

Though it was only a few days, he had never skipped practice for this long. Since the regular performance ended and it was the orchestra’s vacation period (the guest conductor goes on vacation to his home country during this time), there was no need to take out the violin, and above all, Hyun Woo-jin’s interference was too severe.

If he contacted him once, before it was once a week, sometimes once every ten days, even once every two weeks. He could see him like that, but it seemed Hyun Woo-jin wasn’t as busy a person as he thought.

He persistently came to Hae-won’s officetel. He didn’t care whether the phone looking for him rang or not. He realized, through Hyun Woo-jin’s sexual style—restrained coercion pressing down on him once every three times—that he was accommodating him.

He seemed to be trying hard to avoid doing things Hae-won disliked if possible, and in that way, he would let it slide twice, but on the third time, he would press hard, not stopping even when Hae-won sobbed until his throat was sore from the pain, taking him in his own preferred way.

Hae-won didn’t dislike him. Gradually, he came to like everything about him. He seemed cold yet vulnerable, icy yet warm, frightening yet sometimes cute.

Shouldering his violin, he left the officetel. He planned to stop by his family home for lunch before heading to the concert hall practice room, something he hadn’t done in a long time. He arrived at the family home by taxi. The housekeeper greeted Hae-won. She always carefully placed his violin down in the spot where he usually left it.

“Did you think your father wouldn’t know he was lying? I know all about him filling other pockets. How many months has it been since that kid who can’t live without money bought anything?”

The sharp voice of his stepmother came from the living room. The housekeeper made eye contact with Hae-won, her expression roughly conveying something like, ‘Please understand, she seems particularly sensitive today,’ before she soothed him with a look and went into the kitchen.

Sitting on the living room sofa, his stepmother was arranging fresh flowers spread out on newspaper.

Hae-won looked at her, thinking it had been so long since he’d seen her that he wondered if this was what she always looked like. Noticing his gaze, the woman made a displeased face.

“Where’s Father?”

“He went to play golf. He said he’d do a round, then go to the sauna, so he probably won’t be back until evening.”

His stepmother said something, but Hae-won had thrown out the question without listening.

Last night, Hyun Woo-jin had said something strange.

『You’re turning twenty-nine this year, right?』

『Stop emphasizing it just because I’m getting old. Grandfather is thirty-five.』

Turning from twenty-eight to twenty-nine wasn’t as simple as addition might suggest. Once that year passed, the first digit of his age would change, and he’d turn thirty. The first digit would change, making him part of the thirties. This year was Hae-won’s last year in his twenties. He was twenty-nine.

『I wish you’d turn thirty quickly.』

『I don’t like it. Thirty means you’re an elder.』

『Even so. From tomorrow on, let’s say you’re thirty. Don’t say twenty-nine.』

It was an uncharacteristically illogical statement. It wasn’t a tantrum or a joke; it sounded like a request. The arms wrapped around Hae-won from behind tightened, and he let out a deep sigh.

Before he knew it, Hae-won had reached the age of his dead fiancée. Tae-shin was also twenty-nine. Whether intentionally or not, at twenty-nine, they had been devoured by Hyun Woo-jin.

The moment he realized Woo-jin remembered his dead fiancée’s age and was conscious of it, he felt inexplicably lonely. It wasn’t Hae-won, but someone else who was embedded in his chest like a shard of glass. He had never heard about the fiancée from Hyun Woo-jin, not even once.

“What are you thinking about so deeply?”

“Huh?”

“What are you thinking about? And why have you lost so much weight? Are you starving yourself?”

“I guess I lost a bit because I was lazy and skipped meals.”

Hae-won casually brushed his cheek. His stepmother looked at him strangely. Flaring up and snapping back with words more vicious than hers was what usually happened when his stepmother and Hae-won met.

“Have lunch before you go. It’s already set, so don’t run off again.”

“I came planning to eat and then go.”

Hae-won, feeling drained, leaned the back of his neck against the sofa and slumped his upper body. Though it was unpleasant to see, it still felt comfortable because it was home. It was also comforting that his stepmother, while suppressing her anger, still spoke with barbs—an unchanged aspect of her. The master bedroom door opened, and Hae-jeong peeked her head out to look at him. Hae-won tapped the spot next to him on the sofa, signaling the child to come over. Hae-jeong quickly opened the door and ran to him.

“Hae-jeong-ah, you’ll fall!”

His stepmother shouted something, but Hae-jeong ran over anyway and hugged Hae-won. She pursed her lips while trimming the flowers.

“Since when did you two get so close?”

“Since the two of you were taken away by the prosecution.”

“What kind of thunderbolt was that? Anyway, our country’s judiciary has a lot of problems. Locking up innocent people and shaking them down until something sticks. The world is full of people who’ve committed crimes, but they leave them alone and torment the wrong people. I asked if it wasn’t illegal for your father to set up another household, and they said it wasn’t illegal. They said while monogamy based on gender equality is a social system in the constitution, it’s not legally binding. They said since extramarital affairs have a high potential for dispute, it would be good to divide the assets in advance……”

She, who had been chattering, closed her mouth. She herself was the extramarital affair, and the Hae-jeong Hae-won was holding now was the child from that affair. Yet, his stepmother was worried about another extramarital affair his father might have created.

“Who said that?”

“Who said? The prosecutor said it, I think? He said since the ex-wife has a son, it would go to the son, or something. As for me, as long as I can put food on the table for Hae-jeong and me, it’s fine. I haven’t laid a finger on any of your father’s assets.”

“……”

“He questioned me so gently and persistently, I almost spilled everything your father has done. But that prosecutor was really tall and handsome. I was quite pleased, I was.”

It meant Hyun Woo-jin roughly knew about Hae-won’s complicated family history.

Hae-won had lied to Lee Jin-young, saying he was a runaway college student who didn’t want to go home, and stayed at his apartment. Hyun Woo-jin already knew why he hated and dreaded going home, and kept calling him childish over his long-standing conflict with his father.

He probably viewed Hae-won’s consciousness level as that of a child, finding both his stepmother and his father, who constantly brought new women from outside, unbearable to look at.

Hae-won, embarrassed, swept his flushed face with his dry palms.

“Madam, the meal is ready.”

“You’ll eat and then go, right?”

“I said I would. Hae-jeong-ah, let’s go.”

Hae-won took Hae-jeong’s hand and headed to the kitchen.

After lunch, Hae-won left the family home, seen off by his stepmother and Hae-jeong. His stepmother seemed bothered by having carelessly brought up the sensitive term ‘extramarital child asset division.’ Until Hae-won left, she diligently emphasized how pitiable her and Hae-jeong’s situation was.

Given his father’s personality, he would never agree to asset division until his death, and his stepmother, even at her age, would have to watch his father’s mood and burn with black resentment. While his stepmother wasn’t that pitiable, he felt sorry for Hae-jeong.

The practice room on a holiday was empty and quiet. Hae-won swiped his card key to deactivate the security. He went inside. Feeling a chilly cold, he turned on the heater. He took off his coat and hung it up, then did push-ups on the floor until the air warmed up. Until last year, he could easily do thirty, but after twenty, his strength failed him, and his arms trembled weakly. He barely lifted his upper body off the floor, managed to complete twenty-two, and stood up.

Heat rose from his body before the air warmed up. He looked at his face reflected in the practice room mirror. Since he hadn’t weighed himself, it was hard to tell if he’d lost or gained weight, but he seemed a bit thinner. He couldn’t help but lose weight.

Because of Hyun Woo-jin, who showed up almost every other day, he barely slept. He came and went without a word. He came when he felt like it and left when he was busy. Not knowing when Woo-jin would come, Hae-won couldn’t go anywhere and had to stay holed up in the officetel.

A few times he went out and made him wait, and each time, Hyun Woo-jin became a strange and frightening Hyun Woo-jin. One day, he left Hae-won’s body so battered he couldn’t get up, so Hae-won naturally started reporting his daily schedule to him. Today too, he texted in advance where he’d be for lunch and where he’d go in the afternoon.

He took out his violin and replaced the slightly detuned G and A strings. He spent a while tuning, applied rosin to the bow, and tightened the bow hair until it was taut. Shouldering the violin, he warmed up his hands with basic bowing techniques.

Violin Technique Étude

1]

He started practicing with Paganini’s Caprices. It was a piece he had memorized entirely, and since the fingering was extremely complex and required high-level technique, playing it quickly restored his sense.

He was haphazardly going through them as they came to mind when a grating sound intruded, and he opened his eyes. He tended to concentrate deeply once he started playing, often entering a state of forgetfulness where he didn’t notice his surroundings. There were times he played six pieces in a row without realizing Woo-jin was watching. Whenever that happened, Woo-jin would sit in the best spot for listening and watch Hae-won without even making a sound.

Hae-won exhaled heavily and lowered the violin from his shoulder. His chin and shoulder ached, and his arm felt stiff. Sweat beaded on his forehead.

“Why did you stop?”

Seo Okhwa was standing before him.

She was someone he’d met because of Hyun Woo-jin on the evening of a regular performance. Thinking Hae-won liked Henry Chang, Woo-jin had wanted to arrange a personal meeting and took Hae-won to a pre-arranged dinner, introducing him as his hubae.

In his own way, he hadn’t told him on purpose to surprise him. It was one of the few endearing things about him.

The slightly grating sound was coming from the bracelet on Seo Okhwa’s wrist. With her other hand, she was rotating the bracelet on her wrist like a rosary, making a clacking sound.

“Hello.”

Hae-won bowed slightly to her. Seo Okhwa gestured to a man who appeared to be one of the foundation directors, signaling that was enough and he should go. After the man left the practice room, only the sound of the heater running could be heard.

“Practicing on your day off? You’re really cute.”

“Huh?”

“Back then, you seemed like such a brat, but you were a hidden talent. Do you want to try a competition now? Probably not. You’re too old; if you go now, people will say it’s pathetic. A mask would be okay, though. What was your name again?”

The scarf around Seo Okhwa’s neck fluttered in the heater’s breeze.

“Moon Hae-won.”

“Your arpeggios are excellent. Your variations are unique, and your explosive expressiveness is good. Yeah, not bad. Still, can’t compare to Henry Chang. A kid who won first at the Wieniawski at fifteen. He’s a genius. You’re… about at the level of a semi-genius, kid.”

He wasn’t sure whether to thank her for the overly honest evaluation or storm out feeling offended. Still, seeing her sparkling eyes as if she’d seen something interesting, it seemed his playing hadn’t sounded bad.

“Thank you for the compliment.”

“But you’re sexier than Henry Chang. His proportions aren’t great. In a word, visuals, his visuals are lacking. Kid, you’ve heard you’re sexy before, right? I felt it a lot when you were playing. Is your sensibility that rich?”

“Only when I’m possessed then. I’m not usually like that.”

“Anyway, kids who do music are a bit weird somewhere.”

“Madam, you studied vocal music too, right?”

At Hae-won’s words, she laughed, saying that’s right, she did.

“Oh my, look at me. Actually, I came today to check you out because I wanted to fire you. No matter that you’re Woo-jin’s hubae, I can’t tolerate such rudeness.”

Hae-won bent his knee and loosely placed the bow in the first compartment. Wiping off the rosin dust that had settled on the violin and putting it in the case, he said.

“I looked up Seo Okhwa with that video.”

“What? When?”

“A while ago.”

When he had nothing to do at the PC bang, he searched through videos and found Seo Okhwa’s. He didn’t listen to all of them, just the highlights of one or two pieces. After that, he wasted time looking for clothes he wanted to put on Hyun Woo-jin and was chased by a police officer even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“That’s Vivaldi, right? There’s truly no peace in the world, right?”

“You listened to that?”

“Yes. I wanted to catch whoever sang it and just make them sing. I didn’t know it was you, Madam. If I had a voice like that, I don’t think I would have gotten married. There are people who should serve humanity. Talent is like a gift from God.”

Hae-won was sincere. If he had such a voice and such talent, he wouldn’t have gotten married. Genius is bestowed from heaven, so it should contribute to humanity. As countless geniuses have done, such talent should be returned to humanity. And humanity should offer praise to such geniuses. What makes the world beautiful and abundant isn’t material things but the traces of them we encounter everywhere.

The Rachmaninoff concerto flowing from a café, Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam he looked up at with his neck craned in the Sistine Chapel, the overwhelming beauty of the Sagrada Família that Gaudí dedicated to the God who gave him talent, things like the record of Horowitz’s 1986 Moscow performance.

Seo Okhwa was silent. She looked like she was holding something back. She fanned her face as if she were hot. Such a talented woman met a man she liked, had his child, and quit music. And that child grew up, became engaged to Hyun Woo-jin, and left the world at twenty-nine.

Hyun Woo-jin buried his fiancée in his heart. The number twenty-nine was imprinted on his mind. Hae-won had, before he knew it, become twenty-nine.

“Kid, I’m not that narrow-minded. I’m cool. I acknowledge people who are arrogant because they have skill, so don’t flatter me in a way that doesn’t suit you.”

“How do you know Hyun Woo-jin seonbae? Seonbae never once told me about soprano Seo Okhwa. If I’d known in advance, I wouldn’t have made such a mistake.”

Hae-won asked as if in passing while zipping up the violin case. His heart was pounding. Seo Okhwa’s shoes clicked as she approached. He straightened his bent knee and stood up. Seo Okhwa looked up at Hae-won.

“Woo-jin is like family to us. We’ve been close since he was little. Woo-jin’s father has been the head doctor at our hospital for twenty years.”

So they’d known each other since childhood.

That’s why they remained close even after his fiancée ended up like that. After all, it wasn’t Hyun Woo-jin’s fault. He remembered hearing that all of Woo-jin’s paternal and maternal relatives were doctors. And back then, Hyun Woo-jin lied to the police, saying his younger sister was preparing for art school entrance exams. He himself was questioned as a witness because Tae-shin had called him many times. Since it was an inappropriate relationship, he probably hesitated to reveal the truth. Anyway, Hyun Woo-jin had a special status. Tae-shin liked him, and Hyun Woo-jin accepted his sincerity, albeit briefly.

“Did I disturb your practice?”

“I was just going to warm up and leave. Am I getting fired?”

“It was a joke. These days, you can’t easily get fired for something like that. I have a position on the board too; I can’t ask them to fire someone who disrespected me.”

“That’s true.”

He wanted to ask about Hyun Woo-jin’s fiancée who committed suicide, but he couldn’t bring up a topic that would tear open the wounds of a mother who lost her daughter like that. Still, he wanted to ask, so Hae-won hesitated. He was curious. About Hyun Woo-jin’s past.

“And you’re good too. I thought you were all talk, but you have skill.”

“I’m not a kid. I’m twenty-nine.”

“Right, you’re not a kid. Where do you live? Should I give you a ride? Do you have a car?”

After a few kind words, Seo Okhwa linked arms with Hae-won without hesitation and asked affectionately. It was an embarrassing kindness. Hae-won awkwardly pulled his arm free from her grasp. She paid no mind and wrapped her arm tightly around his. A floral perfume scent stimulated his nostrils.

“No. I can go alone.”

“Don’t be like that. This auntie will take you.”

“It’s fine. Really, it’s fine.”

“It’s not spring yet. It’s a late cold snap today; it’s cold outside, so no. You’re someone whose body is an instrument, and you don’t even have that basic down? For a pro, managing your condition is fundamental.”

Hae-won was forcibly dragged by her and got into a luxury sedan. Seo Okhwa, sitting next to him, asked for his home address. He gave a rough location of his officetel, and a man who appeared to be an attendant said he understood and started the car.

“Can this auntie call you Hae-won? Hae-won.”

“No. It’s a bit embarrassing.”

“Why? We’re practically at the point of having fought, just short of cursing each other out.”

“Fought? I was the one who got cursed out unilaterally.”

“I’ll call you Hae-won comfortably. You can call me auntie too.”

“Has it been a really long time since you received a compliment?”

It was just a few words of praise. But Seo Okhwa, who had been looking at him with contempt, had swapped faces like a mask and become a different person, acting familiar. Hae-won was very flustered by her transformation.

“I guess I got a little excited hearing that kind of talk after so long. After so very long, so very… sniff.”

Seo Okhwa suddenly burst into tears. The secretary in the driver’s seat quickly pulled out several tissues and handed them back. Hae-won took the wad of tissues and held them out to Seo Okhwa. Unable to control her choked sobs, Seo Okhwa cried for a long time.

Her makeup smeared, leaving black streaks on the tissues. Hae-won’s eyes met the secretary’s bewildered gaze in the rearview mirror several times. Even though the secretary didn’t ask what was wrong—likely because she herself didn’t know—Hae-won shook his head as if to say he knew nothing. After crying for over ten minutes, Seo Okhwa finally stopped.

“Our daughter……, Ha-young used to say. She said, ‘Mom, your voice is so beautiful, so lovely, you should keep singing. It’s a gift from God, a talent you must use for the sake of humanity.’ I remembered what our daughter, our Ha-young, used to say. Sniff.”

“…….”

She sobbed for a while, using up almost an entire box of Kleenex. They had already arrived in front of the officetel, but Hae-won sat quietly, unable to easily get out of the car. The secretary also kept the engine idling, solemnly lowering her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I guess my emotions got too heightened. Sorry, Manager Kang.”

“Not at all. Please don’t worry about it.”

The secretary replied politely. Seo Okhwa, wiping carefully under her eyes while looking in the mirror, now looked like an ordinary middle-aged woman of her age, her glamour stripped away as her makeup faded.

“Your daughter said the same thing as me.”

“Hmm, yes. I was so surprised earlier when you said that. It reminded me of Ha-young.”

“Please ask me to do it often. It’s not a difficult thing to say.”

“I want to. I really want to. I want to, but……, she went to heaven first, so now even if I want to hear it, I can’t.”

It seemed like the tears that had just stopped were about to burst forth again. Seo Okhwa barely composed herself, and the secretary unscrewed the cap of a water bottle and handed it to her. After drinking half the water, she fell into thought and said nothing. Hae-won also sat in silence.

After a while, Seo Okhwa asked, as if trying to lighten the mood, her voice now firm.

“I overreacted because I suddenly thought of our daughter. Were you surprised? I’m not usually like this.”

“I must have touched a sore spot with my thoughtless words. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not that. And you didn’t even know. What’s with this ‘ma’am’? I told you to call me Auntie comfortably.”

Hae-won averted his gaze from her, who was deliberately speaking in a bright tone while wiping away the moisture gathering around her eyes, and turned his head to look out the car window. He blankly watched the backs of pedestrians bustling past. Hae-won asked casually.

“By the way, did that Ha-young, Auntie’s daughter, major in violin?”

“No. She was a doctor.”

“Then, by any chance, did she look like me?”

“Hey, what are you saying? She looked so much like me, she was a beauty. She’s completely different from you. Not alike at all.”

“That’s a relief. You won’t think of your daughter when you see me from now on.”

“I’m not a teary person.”

Seo Okhwa said awkwardly.

It was a relief. For some reason, it was a relief. He didn’t want to become the shadow of Hyun Woo-jin’s dead fiancée. Even though he had obtained the crucial information that she didn’t play the violin and didn’t resemble him, Hae-won felt his mood sink gloomily.

“Thank you for the ride. I’ll be going now.”

“Alright, I enjoyed your performance today. But why didn’t you enter competitions? With that level, you definitely would have placed.”

As Hae-won was about to get out of the car, Seo Okhwa asked. Hae-won looked back at her.

“Should I be honest, or should I tell you the pretentious reason?”

“Tell me the pretentious one first.”

“It’s a hobby, not a livelihood.”

“Isn’t that too passionate for a hobby? They say such talent should be returned to humanity.”

“Being too passionate seems vulgar. If expectations are high, disappointment is big, and if I try hard and fail, who’s going to take responsibility for my bad mood?”

“You’re more fragile than you look. You know that’s an excuse, right?”

“I dislike obsession.”

“You live life so easily.”

“That doesn’t seem like something Auntie should say.”

“My life hasn’t been easy either. Fortunately, it turned out well.”

Her firmly matured eyes, as if representing a life that wasn’t smooth, gazed intently at Hae-won.

“Now tell me the honest one.”

“When I was preparing for competitions, my mother was very ill, and when I was preparing to study abroad, she passed away.”

“How did it happen?”

She looked at Hae-won with a surprised, pitying expression and asked.

“Cancer. It was when my father had an affair and set up a new household. My mother didn’t want my father to see her undergoing chemotherapy, so she suffered alone and just went like that. Because I was so sad, she said… people live only to die anyway… we all die anyway. She told me not to cry or be sad.”

“…….”

Seo Okhwa had a thoughtful expression. Hae-won was also lost in thought.

So, everyone struggles so desperately just to die eventually. There’s no need to be sad for those who go first, nor to be happy for those who go later. Living is ultimately just a difference of whether death comes early or late. His biological mother’s last words gave Hae-won much to think about then and now.

“So I wasn’t sad anymore. Since then, I think I haven’t tried hard at anything.”

“I see. I’m sorry. Auntie asked something unnecessary.”

“It’s all in the past, it’s fine. Have a safe trip.”

Hae-won nodded in farewell and got out of her car.

After closing the car door and taking a few steps, the white sedan carrying Seo Okhwa brushed past him and drove away. Although he was right in front of the officetel, Hae-won didn’t go up and kept walking. He wandered aimlessly down the street.

His mother, unable to accept her own death and seeing Hae-won resentful toward his father, said that everyone dies, that we live knowing we will die, that we all die anyway, so don’t be sad, don’t cry. And after accepting those words, Hae-won never grieved deeply nor cried hard again.

Meeting all sorts of people and experiencing all kinds of emotions passing by, he had encountered someone for whom his mother’s last words were invalid.

He had acquired more information about Hyun Woo-jin than expected. His dead fiancée had a profession that, from a chaebol family’s perspective, was little different from a lowly job—she was a doctor. She was someone who spoke beautifully, resembled her mother and was quite a beauty, and was twenty-nine years old.

With doctors abundant in Hyun Woo-jin’s family, could it be that she chose the arduous path of becoming a doctor because she wanted to become a member of that family? If she became a doctor to impress her in-laws, then she must have liked Hyun Woo-jin immensely, worshipped him, or loved him enough to endure many things.

What about Hyun Woo-jin? How much did Hyun Woo-jin love his fiancée? Did he love her a lot? Moderately? Or was he engaged due to a family arrangement without love? Countless assumptions and questions filled Hae-won’s mind.

“Sigh.”

This is why obsession is dirty. The thoughts fixated on Hyun Woo-jin were filthy. It was all over, and she wasn’t alive with Hyun Woo-jin two-timing between her and Hae-won, yet he became curious about where his heart lay, desperately wanting to know. He wanted to know how deep their relationship was.

Hae-won took out his phone and called him. He often didn’t answer, but fortunately, he picked up now. Hae-won smoothed his chest.

—Yeah.

“Where are you, the office?”

—No, I’m outside.

It was quiet around him. He seemed to be on the move somewhere.

“When are you finishing?”

—I’m on a business trip.

“Where to?”

—Busan.

“When are you coming back?”

—I’ll be back tomorrow evening.

“Okay.”

—Why?

“I want to drink. Let’s have a drink.”

He had planned to call him out, get him drunk, and ask about his fiancée, but his wicked plan had burst like a bubble. He wanted to shake off these unpleasant thoughts. He wanted to ask him if he had truly forgotten her. And he wanted to ask if he liked Hae-won more than her. Thinking that far, he really wanted a drink.

It was a grubby thought, like something Lee Tae-shin would have. Hae-won was becoming grubby. Knowing that he had gone on a business trip to Busan and wouldn’t come today made him crave alcohol even more. The lonely space of being alone felt desolate, and he didn’t want to return. Hyun Woo-jin, who couldn’t forget his dead fiancée and pretended to like Hae-won, asked:

—Is rehearsal over?

“I’m home.”

—Go to the officetel. Don’t do pointless things.

“What pointless things? Going to a bar alone, drinking cocktails, putting on airs, something like that?”

—Yeah. That kind of pointless thing.

“I’m going to drink soju.”

Hae-won hung up without listening to his answer. He stopped walking and stared at the screen for a while, but the phone didn’t ring again.

Although he gave routine warnings, Hyun Woo-jin wasn’t the type to fuss over people. As he claimed, even if Hae-won rudely hung up, it was rare for him to call back. It seemed he just let it be, or perhaps he was indifferent. While he detested anyone being obsessive, Hae-won detested Hyun Woo-jin’s lack of obsession even more.

Absentmindedly walking down the street, the surroundings had grown dark before he knew it. Passing through an alley crowded with restaurants, he entered a place selling samgyeopsal and kimchi jjigae. Being a holiday and still early evening, except for one table, there were no customers, making the place feel empty. A woman sitting in front of a kerosene heater stood up upon seeing Hae-won.

“Welcome. Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“Please come this way.”

He was guided to a corner seat near the restroom. Placing his violin on the chair opposite, Hae-won looked at the menu board on the wall. Before he could decide, the employee said in an emotionless tone.

“We don’t serve single portions.”

“Two servings of samgyeopsal and one bottle of soju, please.”

She nodded and took the order away.

It had been a really long time since he’d been to a place like this. So long that it felt unfamiliar and strange, awkward as if he had entered a theater set.

When Hae-won wanted to drink, he usually went to hotel bars. Since moving was bothersome when drunk, he would drink at the hotel bar and go straight up to his room.

When he was in school, he had been forcibly dragged by seonbaes to drink at places like this, but it was his first time coming to such a place alone.

He expected them to grill the meat for him, but the employee plopped down the ingredients, turned on the grill’s fire, and just left, leaving him slightly flustered. Hae-won picked up the tongs and grilled the samgyeopsal himself. As the meat cooked, he cut it with scissors and turned down the gas flame. Pouring soju into an empty glass and taking a sip, the cool, pungent liquid licked his throat as it went down.

Soju is alcohol diluted thinly by adding water or sweeteners to ethanol. In short, it means cheap alcohol made of ethanol with sweeteners and water. He swallowed another glass of cheap alcohol. The taste wetting his throat and going down felt sweet today. He put a piece of meat on some seasoned radish salad and ate it. He thought he understood the psychology of people addicted to this taste. He wanted to feed it to Hyun Woo-jin and ask if this was trash too.

One piece of grilled pork and one glass of soju were better than any special menu from a high-end restaurant’s head chef. By the time he finished one bottle, people had started coming in one by one, and the place was soon packed.

“One more soju?”

The serving employee asked as she passed by him. Hae-won nodded. She brought a soju bottle just taken from the fridge. Droplets quickly formed on the green bottle frosted with condensation.

Hae-won opened the new soju and filled his empty glass. Sitting alone among people drinking boisterously, tilting his bottle, his appearance seemed to stir the ajumma’s compassion.

The ajumma kept looking after him, passing by his table and offering various things. She even taught him how to eat samgyeopsal, saying it tastes better this way. Perhaps his solitary drinking stood out, as people seemed to glance at him. He made eye contact with a ponytailed woman at the next table more than three times.

“There’s no seats. You’ll have to wait a bit. Wait outside.”

“Ah, Auntie. It’s cold, let us stay inside.”

“I told you, there’s no place to stand here. It’s narrow, where would you be?”

A commotion arose at the entrance. It was the sound of a man arguing with an employee, saying he couldn’t wait outside in the cold. It seemed this was a popular place, with a waiting line forming because he had walked in randomly and found no seats. Hae-won nodded in agreement, thinking it likely, poured soju, and wrapped meat as the ajumma had taught. Then someone moved his violin and sat down across from him.

Not just one, but two people occupied the table where he was sitting. Hae-won put down what he was holding and snatched his violin away from the stranger’s touch.

“What are you doing?”

“You seem to be alone, let’s sit together. Is that okay? It’s too cold outside, and seats don’t seem to open up soon. It’s almost spring but freezing to death.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Come on, let’s sit together. It’s a holiday today, many places are closed, and there’s nowhere else to go.”

Both had short hair, as if they had just been discharged from the military. They joined his table as they pleased and ordered meat and soju. They scooped up Hae-won’s nearly dried-out samgyeopsal from the grill onto his plate and placed new samgyeopsal on the grill.

“Have some together.”

They awkwardly offered him the uncooked meat. If standing out because he was alone, sharing a table with someone might not be so bad.

Hae-won said nothing and carefully leaned his violin against the corner wall.

He poured soju. He was on his way to finishing one and a half bottles, and there was no call from Hyun Woo-jin. That was the kind of person he was. He was that kind of person, and Hae-won was that kind of person too, but he suddenly felt a bit disappointed.

When he felt like it, he acted affectionately as if he would give his all, but when he didn’t, he didn’t look back even though Hae-won felt lonely and wanted to drink. Come to think of it, since Tae-shin died, it had become rare for anyone except Hyun Woo-jin to contact Hae-won’s phone.

Why do I have so few friends?

Hae-won thought self-mockingly. With women, their goals differed, so he didn’t easily become close; with men, if he got close, they became lovers, not friends. He disliked steady relationships and cut them off if they seemed to get serious.

His personality and environment, which didn’t require effort in relationships, also played a part. Having nothing to regret, he made no effort to maintain or create relationships. Anyway, on a gloomy day like this, he was a loner with no friend to call for a drink. The only seonbae he contacted was now in detention center awaiting trial, partly because of Hae-won. Hae-won thought he now understood why Tae-shin called him so often.

“Are you a musician? Or are you some kind of celebrity?”

The man with featureless short hair asked, looking at Hae-won’s violin case leaning against the wall. They clinked glasses between themselves and gulped down soju. With similarly short hair and similar clothing, they were hard to distinguish. The one on the right looked at Hae-won with curious eyes. He didn’t seem sinister, just curious.

“What about you guys? Are you soldiers?”

“Huh? How did you know? Is it that obvious?”

They seemed to be career soldiers. They touched their rough short hair with coarse hands and laughed frivolously.

“So what do you do? You are a celebrity, right? I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere.”

“How did you know? I’m not very famous, so people usually don’t recognize me.”

Hae-won lied. The one on the right hit the one on the left.

“See, I was right? I told you I’ve seen him somewhere, really.”

As if very pleased that his deduction was correct, the one on the right kept grinning.

“I saw you in that drama. The one on Channel 5 at 10 p.m. on Fridays.”

“Ah, that one. Thank you.”

“I really enjoyed that drama. Is Park Yeon-ju really that pretty?”

“She’s pretty. Very pretty.”

Hae-won nodded in agreement. He didn’t know who Park Yeon-ju was, but they responded with admiring exclamations as if they had seen her in person.

“Wow, it’s my first time seeing a celebrity this close. But your name is……?”

This time, the one on the left asked. He was fumblingly taking his phone out of his pocket.

“Everyone knows Park Yeon-ju but not my name. I guess I’m not famous enough.”

“It’s not that, I’m just not smart.”

When Hae-won spoke gloomily, he put his phone away again and waved his hand dismissively.

“Actually, I’m really not in a good mood today. Don’t make me talk.”

“I’m sorry. But maybe because you’re a celebrity, your aura is no joke. I saw you outside earlier, and it looked like a halo was shining brightly behind your head, like five hundred fluorescent lights were turned on.”

The one on the right flattered while nudging the left one’s side with his elbow.

“Seeing you in person, your face is incredibly small, and I’m a real fan. Have a drink.”

The left one, who had become Hae-won’s fan, poured alcohol into his empty glass. The clear soju sloshed. After downing the soju and setting the glass down, the right one tilted the bottle.

“I was thinking of quitting this today, but since you two like it, I guess I’ll have to reconsider.”

Hae-won said while chewing on samgyeopsal.

“Why quit? Don’t quit. Where in the world is there an easy job? Even if you’re not very famous now, you’ll become famous soon. Hang in there!”

The right and left ones pleaded for him to keep acting. Hae-won nodded, saying he would. The woman with a ponytail hairstyle, who had made eye contact with Hae-won three times at the next table, brought paper and a pen from her bag and asked Hae-won for an autograph.

“Sorry, but I’m also a fan. Could you give me an autograph?”

“I’ll give you one when I become famous. Do you know my name? You don’t, do you?”

When Hae-won asked, the woman seemed embarrassed, her voice noticeably shrinking as she mumbled.

“……I definitely remember seeing you, but I’m bad at remembering names. But I’m a real fan.”

Hae-won stared blankly at the woman who claimed to be a fan despite never having seen him before. At this point, he wondered if there really was a celebrity who looked like him. He’d never heard such a story, but regardless, it seemed best to escape before the lie was exposed.

“I’ll give you one when I become famous. I come here often.”

“Really? I’m a regular here too. I come at least once a week.”

“My manager is waiting. I have to go.”

Hae-won got up from his seat, leaving them looking regretfully after him, and paid the bill, including what the right and left ones had ordered. The right and left ones shouted that he was cool, thanked him, and said they loved him. As people in the restaurant glanced over and stared openly, Hae-won hurriedly left with his violin.

The cold wind whipped his cheeks. As he headed toward the main road to catch a taxi, a call came from Hyun Woo-jin. The timing was unbelievable. His mood had been gloomy, but due to what happened at the restaurant, it had become a bit absurd, a bit intriguing, and a bit better. As soon as Hae-won answered the call, he asked:

“Do I look like a celebrity?”

—Where are you?

“I asked if I look like a celebrity. Who do I look like?”

—Don’t know that stuff. Where are you?

“Someone asked me for an autograph. Said they really enjoyed the drama. I guess doppelgangers really exist.”

Though he asked sharply in a lowered voice, Hae-won only talked nonsense. A short sigh was heard from the other side of the phone.

—Have you been drinking?

“I drank about two bottles, but I’m not drunk. If I were drunk, there was something I wanted to ask Hyun Woo-jin.”

—What is it that you want to ask, borrowing the courage of alcohol when you can’t have a conversation without nonsense?

The sound of a door opening and closing was heard. As he exhaled, white breath spread across his vision. His mind was fine, but his steps became sluggish. His entire body felt heavy and sunk. Suddenly, walking felt difficult, so he stopped and leaned his back against the cold gray wall.

“How many people did you say you’ve dated before?”

—Not as many as you’d need fingers and toes to count.

“Wasn’t there anyone you were serious with? Like someone you wanted to marry, or that kind of serious relationship.”

Someone who was already more than qualified but chose to become a doctor to fit into his family, or whose mother was a world-famous prima donna, possessing heavenly beauty and a voice like a nightingale, or who became paralyzed from the waist down in a traffic accident and whose face was so severely injured it was unrecognizable, but you still wanted to take responsibility for them until the end.

Wasn’t there someone like that……?

What Senior Choi had casually said about Hyun Woo-jin back then now came clearly to mind.

「A chaebol family’s daughter, with pride, and her mother being Seo Okhwa—do you think her beauty was ordinary? How could a woman like that endure being in that state beside a man like him? She asked to break off the engagement first, but Hyun Woo-jin stepped up to take responsibility. In the end, she couldn’t bear it and committed suicide. Still, Hyun Woo-jin, who said he’d marry her and take responsibility, was made to look foolish. President Kim Jeong-geun still trusts and treats him like a son-in-law because the outstanding Hyun Woo-jin stayed by his daughter’s side until the end, taking responsibility.」

If a woman in that condition asked to break off the engagement first, the wise choice would usually be to pretend not to know and agree. But Hyun Woo-jin tried to take responsibility for her. No wonder he felt so gloomy—his subconscious already knew that Hyun Woo-jin hadn’t forgotten her.

Haa, as he exhaled and inhaled, a cold wind that tightened his lungs came with it. And by finally remembering and recalling it, Hae-won was realizing once again that he had fallen too deeply for Hyun Woo-jin.

—You’re drunk.

“Seems so. Seems I’m drunk. I’m sleepy.”

He probably doesn’t want to talk about it either. He wouldn’t want to blabber about precious memories he wants to preserve to someone like me, who he meets only once. Even I would probably feel the same.

After his fiancée ended up like that, Hyun Woo-jin lived pursuing only casual encounters. Because physiological needs had to be satisfied.

Hae-won wanted to ask if he, too, was just someone to satisfy Hyun Woo-jin’s physiological needs. Even he, who usually blurted out what he wanted to say before thinking, found that question only swirling in his throat. Hae-won swallowed the question as if swallowing a fist.

Even though he said my feelings were important, Hae-won didn’t want to become just anyone, even in such a casual relationship. Hae-won had treated him like just anyone, and Hyun Woo-jin said he’d fix his manners. Did he also say those sweet words to her, that it happens only once in a lifetime? That reincarnation has a high chance of going awry, so this is the last time.

—Hurry and catch a taxi. Go straight to the officetel. Don’t go anywhere else.

A warning voice came from the other side of the phone.

I wish you were close by.

He wanted to touch his face. He wanted to bury his heated face in his shoulder and fall asleep like that. Instead of following his words, Hae-won shuffled his feet, crushing and kicking cigarette butts scattered on the street.

“Don’t be nice to me. Don’t talk like you care. What are you going to do if I cling to you?”

—Cling? Moon Hae-won? I wondered what a passing dog would laugh at. So that’s what it meant.

He spoke as if he knew his personality well. It sounded like he meant he meets him because Hae-won is like this. Even if contact were cut off starting tomorrow, Hae-won wouldn’t persistently call or beg to meet him. That’s the personality he knew, the way he treated people. Getting serious is bothersome and, ultimately, scary.

He didn’t even cling to the violin, which he did well and loved. Clinging is something only pathetic people like Lee Tae-shin do. It’s not that he dislikes being pathetic—he just never wanted to become pathetic. Hae-won wanted to become pathetic for Hyun Woo-jin.

“Really? I want to do something a passing dog would laugh at.”

—What do you want to say?

“I like Hyun Woo-jin.”

He was silent. He liked hearing his voice over the phone. He didn’t dislike other things. Not disliking had now passed the stage where he could say he liked them.

Hae-won ignored his intentional silence. He wanted to express his feelings for him with verbs and even add adjectives to describe them. Poetic phrases he’d never thought of before swirled in his mouth.

“In front of you, I don’t just want to take off my clothes—I want to give my heart too.”

—So, does that mean you had no heart until now?

“It’s not that I had none at all, but I didn’t really know what it was. But now I think I’m starting to understand.”

—What do you think you understand?

His tone, which valued cause and effect, had no patience left, as if saying he didn’t understand what was being said and to be clear if there was something to say. Seeing that he still didn’t understand even after saying this much, he was undoubtedly a machine who had never experienced love or push-and-pull. Hyun Woo-jin was an idiot.

“You’re a fool who’s only smart in the head.”

—What do you want to say?

“Forget it.”

He might be an idiot who doesn’t understand or pretending not to understand.

The silence grew long.

Hae-won stood alone, watching people busily coming and going on the gray street.

“I miss you.”

Wondering if the silent man had hung up, he looked at the screen. The seconds were steadily accumulating. Hae-won pressed the phone to his ear and continued.

“I said I miss you, Grandfather.”

Hinting that he hadn’t forgotten his dead fiancée felt disgusting, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Then Hyun Woo-jin might leave. He might distance himself. They had just started, and he didn’t want to end it now.

“This is what I wanted to say while drinking. Shouldn’t you have come instead of going on a business trip?”

—Should have.

As expected, no voice came back saying he missed him too or calling his name.

“Hang up. I’m sleepy.”

Even after ending the call, Hae-won stared at his phone for a long time. His expressionless face was reflected in the phone, its screen turned off, showing nothing.

It wasn’t even a confession, just a few honest words, but his chest felt cold. Revealing one’s true feelings to someone was similar to falling in the middle of a bustling street where people hunch their shoulders in the cold and walk quickly.

Intense regret over why he had stepped there, the foolish wish for time to stop right there, the shame of wanting to evaporate and disappear, the sense of defeat of not being able to calmly get up from the fallen position but instead freezing with his face pressed to the ground—these feelings began to consume Hae-won’s consciousness. That’s what liking someone felt like.

∞ ∞ ∞

Hyun Woo-jin’s officetel wasn’t too far from Hae-won’s officetel. It was a location only about ten minutes by car from the District Prosecutors’ Office. Hae-won headed to Hyun Woo-jin’s officetel. Perhaps because he had been drinking, even after walking the streets for a while, it wasn’t as cold as he expected. The cold wind lessened the alcohol’s effect, and before he knew it, his mind had cleared.

Hae-won stood in front of the officetel door where he had waited for him for over ten hours. He entered the number on the door lock. He had said it was the same number as his own home. It was obvious it wouldn’t open. Hae-won hadn’t been to his officetel since then, and this place was like lodging where Hyun Woo-jin only came to change clothes and shower.

Back then, Hyun Woo-jin probably said whatever sounded good because he wanted to take off his clothes, and he made promises he would forget even after saying them. But the door opened at once. Not expecting it, Hae-won’s eyes widened as the door lock released. Even after opening it himself, Hae-won paused in surprise. Just before the lock re-engaged, he quickly opened the door and went inside.

His officetel hadn’t changed at all from what he had seen before. The bedding on the bed was neatly arranged with sharp corners, and his personal items were hardly visible except for books and a golf bag placed beside the wardrobe. At least the similarly styled achromatic suits, dress shirts, and neck ties hanging in the wardrobe indicated that this was his space.

Hae-won leaned his violin against the wall.

Being in his intimate space without him there gave him a sense of superiority, as if he knew him better and was closer to him than his dead fiancée.

Hae-won wandered around his space as if it were his own home. He put water in the kitchen electric kettle to make tea. Opening the cabinet, he found green tea bags and individually packaged coffee powder. Holding lightly brewed black coffee, he leisurely looked around his officetel.

He opened the wardrobe. Dress shirts, jackets, and suit pants were neatly hung as if freshly picked up from the dry cleaner. The first drawer contained underwear, innerwear, and socks. Hae-won picked up a neatly folded innerwear and brought it to his nose. It smelled of clean fabric softener.

The second drawer contained golf wear, shoes, and gloves for exercising, and the last drawer held a briefcase that differed only in color from the one he carried and a black backpack that seemed used during his student days.

Hae-won didn’t measure the value of things by money. He bought things without considering price. Usually, when he bought something he liked, it was mostly luxury items, things that were quite expensive.

Hyun Woo-jin, unlike his appearance, had a frugal nature. The watch on his wrist was also from a mid-to-low-priced line known for being waterproof and durable, and he had never seen the watch on his wrist change.

His suits were also off-the-rack, not custom-made. Hyun Woo-jin seemed uninterested in showing off his appearance, and as long as he dressed cleanly, he didn’t care about brands or prices. Though the wardrobe had no sense of style even if you looked closely, it didn’t feel boring or crude—rather, he liked his temperament of valuing inner qualities. If the inside of the wardrobe had been flashy with decorative items for appearance, it would have been disappointing.

He ran his fingertips over the books neatly arranged on the bookshelf. They were all professional books related to work, and there wasn’t a single book brought for personal interest. The only non-professional book was an autobiography of a domestic company CEO, seemingly forced upon him at some publishing event.

The well-worn books were either work-related or textbooks from the judicial training institute. Constitution, Civil Law, Criminal Law, Administrative Law, Civil Procedure Law, Legal Philosophy, Criminal Practice Training Records, Comprehensive Revised Edition of Special Criminal Laws, Criminal Evidence Law and Fact-Finding Theory, Legal English Interpretation, Economic Law Statutes, Fundamental Issues of Legal Philosophy, Collection of Civil Judgment Examples…….

The books were so difficult that even reading the titles one by one made him pant. Thinking that one had to study, memorize, and apply this many books to have such a profession, it went beyond terrifying—he felt he fully understood why Hyun Woo-jin sometimes seemed like a machine.

Hyun Woo-jin found it incomprehensible how Hae-won memorized and performed pieces over forty minutes long, but Hae-won found it even more incomprehensible that all these books were in Hyun Woo-jin’s head. He was genuinely grateful to his father, who didn’t force him to study but let him pursue music.

The freshly laundered bedding hardly carried his scent, but from the wardrobe and the books, his body odor was detectable. Hae-won took out one particularly worn legal code. Lying face down on the bed, he opened the book.

“…….”

Hae-won was someone who couldn’t even write his own name in Chinese characters. For someone like him, this was an unreadable book. Half the text was in Chinese characters. The Korean parts were mostly particles, conjunctions, and foreign word notations, while important terms were all written in Chinese characters.

In some places, circles were marked in pencil, and underlines were drawn. These were Hyun Woo-jin’s traces. Hae-won buried his nose in the book. His scent, the body odor he missed, wafted strongly.

Fumbling through the unreadable book, he eventually fell asleep. At the sound of the door lock releasing, as if heard in a dream, Hae-won’s eyes snapped open. The legal code he had been lying on with his cheek was damp with his drool.

Startled, he lifted his head. The door to his officetel was opening. He had said he would return from his business trip to Busan this evening. Looking at the clock, it was seven in the morning.

It seemed Hyun Woo-jin had returned early. To surprise him, Hae-won lay back down on the bed. But unexpectedly, the person who opened the door and entered was a middle-aged woman. Holding a heavy-looking shopping bag in one hand and a handbag in the other, the woman casually walked in and, as if caught stealing, met Hae-won’s startled eyes.

The woman and Hae-won both froze simultaneously.

“……Who, who are you?”

She asked. She didn’t seem like a helper, and judging by her demeanor and attire, she seemed like Hyun Woo-jin’s mother. She didn’t resemble him, but the only middle-aged woman who could enter his officetel so casually was his mother.

Hae-won slowly got up from the bed. Who would have thought he’d encounter Hyun Woo-jin’s mother here? Various lies to avoid causing him trouble chaotically occupied his mind.

If this was an officetel his mother visited frequently, he should have said so—resentment toward Hyun Woo-jin, who changed the door lock number to be the same as his home and said to come anytime he wanted, screamed inside him.

“Who is it?”

Hyun Woo-jin’s mother stepped outside the door she had just opened, checked the hallway, came back in, and asked. Hae-won bowed his head politely.

“Hello. I’m Moon Hae-won, a hubae from Hyun Woo-jin seonbae’s school. I’m sorry. We were supposed to meet yesterday, but he suddenly said he had to go on a business trip, and since I came up from the countryside, I had nowhere to go… Seonbae said I could stay here for a night, so I’m imposing.”

Hae-won told a plausible, believable lie. The blunt tone he had used in front of Seo Okhwa was now extremely polite and cautious in front of Hyun Woo-jin’s mother. Even he was surprised. He hadn’t known his own voice could sound this respectful until today.

“I’m sorry for the intrusion.”

He hastily picked up his coat. He also grabbed the violin case on the floor. Trying to avoid eye contact with Hyun Woo-jin’s mother as much as possible, he kept his gaze firmly downcast and was about to leave when she spoke.

“Are you just leaving?”

“Huh?”

“Weren’t you supposed to meet Woo-jin?”

“Ah, we’re meeting later this evening. I should get going now. Well then.”

“No, wait.”

As he tried to leave, he turned back to her calling him. Hyun Woo-jin probably wasn’t such a loner that he had no hubae visiting his home. For some reason, staring at her stiffly, Hyun Woo-jin’s mother frowned uncomfortably and brought her hand toward Hae-won’s face. He instinctively flinched back as if stepping away, and she seemed to regret it, withdrawing her hand.

“At least wash your face before you go.”

“Huh?”

“You should wash your face before leaving.”

“……”

Wondering what was on it, he touched around his chin and cheek and felt a thin, dried piece of paper stuck there. It seemed that indecipherable Chinese character had stuck to his face. Hae-won awkwardly set down the violin and coat he was holding and headed to the bathroom. Seeing his reflection in the mirror, he couldn’t help but sigh.

His hair was disheveled, and a page from the legal code was neatly stuck to his cheek and chin. It seemed he had drooled a lot while sleeping face down and uncomfortably. Hae-won quickly washed his face and went back out. Before she could see, he closed the legal code he had been sleeping on, face down on the bed, and put it back on the bookshelf.

“Are you a hubae from the judicial training institute? Or a law school hubae?”

Hyun Woo-jin’s mother, who had been unpacking and organizing the shopping bags she brought on the dining table, looked alternately at the legal code and violin case Hae-won had returned to their places and asked.

“I’m a school hubae. This is just a hobby.”

A law student? Hyun Woo-jin’s mother wouldn’t make such an absurd demand as asking him to write his name in Chinese characters, but Hae-won belatedly realized he’d slipped up. Law was an area his quick wit couldn’t cover.

It was beyond ignorance—claiming to be a law student while not even being able to write his own name in Chinese characters.

“The instrument looks very nice. Is it a violin? Or a viola?”

“Huh? It’s a violin.”

“I play the violin as a hobby too. Us aunties even go out to do volunteer performances.”

Both his mother and father were doctors, he’d said. A dignified luster emanated from the pearl earrings glimpsed beneath her short bob cut.

“That’s a good thing to do. You must be busy.”

“Do you know who I am?”

“Seonbae’s mother… right?”

He swallowed dryly. Hyun Woo-jin’s mother gave a slight nod as if to say yes. Since she didn’t resemble him much, Hyun Woo-jin must take after his father.

“Could I take a look at the violin?”

“I’m sorry, but I really have to go now. I have an appointment… I’m running a bit late.”

“Come on, just let me see it once. This looks too good. It’s okay, right?”

Unable to strongly stop her from touching it, Hae-won hesitated, his hand outstretched but unable to snatch it back. Hyun Woo-jin’s mother swiftly took the Musafia violin wood case purchased in Italy. It was a case prioritizing safety, sturdy enough to withstand being run over by a car.

Pushing aside the side dishes she had brought, she placed the case on the dining table.

“I really have to go… I, uh.”

“Oh my.”

As she opened the case, the Brahms sheet music tucked inside the inner zipper fell out. On the upper part of the case with its somewhat flashy lining, four bows were hung. The first wood bow, made of Mongolian horsehair, gripped the strings firmly; it was the main bow worth over a hundred million won, made of wood matching the resonance chamber. The second was an orchestra second bow, the third for chamber music, and the fourth was just a cheap carbon bow—the kind you’d grab and throw when angry.

Col legno

2]

was needed for pieces requiring it or for contemporary music where sensibility took precedence over classical. Since you couldn’t frequently use rough bowing techniques that would snap the expensive bow hairs, Hae-won also carried cheaper ones. Violinists usually kept one or two inexpensive bows as spares.

“There’s so much stuff in here. It’s very different from what I’ve seen.”

Of course it would be different from a hobbyist’s violin.

She grabbed the violin neck and lifted it. Ah, Hae-won froze with his hand still outstretched. Whether it was because she was Hyun Woo-jin’s mother or because he was too flustered to speak, he couldn’t bring himself to say she shouldn’t touch it and just kept swallowing dryly.

“Can I try playing it once?”

“No, um, uh, Mother.”

She placed the chinrest between her chin and shoulder and, of all things, took out the main bow. Without tightening the screw or tuning, she just drew the bow across the G string. Hyun Woo-jin’s mother, startled, lifted the bow from the string and looked at Hae-won.

“I guess because it’s a professional one, the sound is different.”

With a slack bow, there was no way to produce a proper sound. It just made a hoarse, unmusical noise, but she pretended to be amazed. She was someone who had never touched a violin before.

Smiling, she neatly arranged Hae-won’s violin and bow back in place. She opened the first zipper where it should have been and put the scattered Brahms sheet music back inside.

“Do you play Brahms’ Violin Concerto as a hobby?”

She was clearly asking while knowing full well his flimsy lie. Even when performing in front of a thousand people, he had never felt this nervous; his throat was parched. Except during the fierce art school entrance exam period, it had been a long time since his spine had stiffened up so rigidly. Sweat seeped from both his hands.

“I’m sorry. I’m not a hubae… Actually, it’s like this, you see, actually… Actually, the prosecutor is handling my case.”

“……”

Under her wary gaze, Hae-won frantically waved his hands, saying it wasn’t like that.

“No, I’m not a criminal. I’m a victim, but due to certain circumstances, the prosecutor is helping me, so, well, he told me to hide here at his place.”

“Ah.”

Hyun Woo-jin’s mother finally seemed to understand, her expression one of deep realization. It would have been better to just stick with the first lie. Cold sweat trickled down his back.

“What kind of case is it?”

“I’m being threatened by someone like a stalker, so I ended up bothering the prosecutor. I’m sorry.”

“……”

“I’m also sorry for lying. I lied because I was worried the prosecutor might get into trouble.”

As Hae-won politely clasped his hands and apologized, Hyun Woo-jin’s mother asked if everything was okay now. Hae-won nodded yes.

“The prosecutor resolved it, but I’m a bit sensitive. I was scared and frightened, so I came here without thinking, but he happened to be out. I said I had nowhere to go, and he said I could stay here for a night, so that’s how it happened.”

“If that was the case, you should have said so earlier. I thought you were some kind of thief. Are you a violinist?”

“Yes.”

“Can you prove it?”

“Huh?”

“Prove you’re a violinist. I need to verify whether this is stolen goods or not.”

If she thought he was a thief, wouldn’t it be better to just report him? Perplexed by the odd suggestion, he looked at her questioningly. This time, as if still thinking it was a lie, Hyun Woo-jin’s mother finally took out her phone and sensibly tried to dial 112.

Even he thought it sounded absurd. It would have been much more convincing if he were a stalker who had peeked at the door lock code Hyun Woo-jin pressed, secretly entered his home when he went on a business trip, slept peacefully in his bed, and was caught by his mother who showed up unannounced.

“Wait a moment.”

As he stopped her from calling anyone, she looked at him with sharp, watchful eyes as if warning him not to do anything foolish. If he were something like a stalker, he could just push aside a defenseless middle-aged woman and run, but he couldn’t flee because of the violin she was holding hostage.

So that’s why she suddenly wanted to see the violin.

She thought it was stolen goods. He took back what he said about her not resembling Hyun Woo-jin. She was definitely Hyun Woo-jin’s mother.

“Let me just have a glass of water first.”

He moistened his lips, parched from tension. Hyun Woo-jin’s mother placed a water bottle from the fridge on the far side of the dining table. Hae-won sighed, took the bottle left out, and gulped down the water. Wiping his wet lips with the back of his hand, he took out the violin and bow from the case she had opened.

He attached the shoulder rest, fixed the violin between his chin and shoulder, and tuned it. It was tuning by ear, but he precisely fingered the G, D, E, and A notes, likely without the slightest error. Even after tuning, the sound felt slightly off, as if the instrument had been affected by the colder weather. It seemed like an issue Hae-won couldn’t fix alone and would need an engineer for. As he spent a long time just tuning, she sharply asked why he wasn’t starting.

It wasn’t stalling; the tuning just wasn’t right. It was an instrument problem. About to play despite the slightly off notes, Hae-won stopped the bow he was about to draw and turned his head to her. Hyun Woo-jin’s mother, who had been watching warily, flinched.

“Is there anything you’d like to hear?”

“Something I’d like to hear?”

“If there’s something you’d like to hear, I’ll play that for you.”

“I’m a layman when it comes to music. I studied science. But that doesn’t mean I can’t tell a violinist from a thief.”

So, saying she did volunteer performances with the violin was also just a quick-witted excuse—no, a lie.

“Then I’ll just play anything.”

As he was about to really play anything, her voice rang out.

“The hardest one.”

“Huh?”

“Play a high-difficulty piece. Something only a professional can play, that kind of thing.”

“Yes.”

Paganini’s Caprice No. 24 is a piece in variation form that incorporates all sorts of techniques, spanning eleven variations. Trill

3]

, double stop

4]

, and left-hand pizzicato

5]

are used to create a piece that sounds like a duet of two violins playing.

Requiring not only left-hand technique but also bowing technique, it is a high-difficulty piece among the 24 caprices that demands precise control; if the advanced techniques aren’t executed accurately, it’s hard to tell whether it’s music or noise.

To prove the violin wasn’t stolen goods, Hae-won found himself having to play Caprice No. 24 at seven in the morning.

He began playing with the familiar opening theme, which has been arranged many times. Caprices are pieces that must be learned by professionals, but they are actually difficult to play properly.

Hae-won quite liked Ruggiero Ricci, who was called the reincarnation of Paganini, and was so immersed in his performances that he finished all twenty-four pieces during his recital tours and could play them through.

His left fingers flitted dazzlingly across the fingerboard. His hands were faster than his eyes, faster than his ears.

Caprice No. 24 consists of a total of eleven variations. Bowing the strings with breathlessly fast strokes, Hae-won unconsciously pressed his lips tightly together. Since his fingers weren’t even warmed up in the early morning breeze, playing a fast-paced piece was torture.

The violin has very narrow intervals in the high register, so the consecutive triple-stop sections required tremendous concentration and precise finger positioning.

To ensure accurate fingering, he stared at the strings and flicked his fingers. Left-hand pizzicato requires plucking the strings while holding the violin, so it demands considerable finger strength.

On top of that, using the weaker fourth and pinky fingers for trills meant that playing without warming up could cause cramps in the fingers.

Barely finishing the dazzling pizzicato, he pressed the bow down so hard it felt like the strings might break.

Somehow, about four minutes passed, and it was over.

“Haa…”

There were more mistakes than he expected. He messed up the double trill in two places. To begin with, playing it perfectly was impossible, and playing it to this extent in the morning was quite an achievement.

Hae-won let out a tired sigh and turned his head, meeting the woman’s eyes.

“Ah.”

He had performed in front of Hyun Woo-jin’s mother. Finishing a piece like this left him half out of his mind. Forgetting what he had done before or what he planned to do afterward was commonplace.

“This is really mine. It’s not stolen goods or anything. I even have the insurance certificate.”

“……I’m sorry. I apologize. I’ll make it up to you.”

As Hyun Woo-jin’s mother suddenly bowed her head and even bent at the waist to apologize, Hae-won had to bend his waist and lower his head even more, almost kneeling.

“No, please don’t. It was my fault for lying.”

“I don’t know much about it, but that was a truly magnificent performance.”

The eyes looking at a thief and a violinist were qualitatively different. As if looking at a completely different person—no, as if gazing at an unattainable being from another world—her eyes seemed to ask whether Hae-won was really a human living on the same Earth as her.

“I find the prosecutor more amazing. After all, he studied all these books.”

Hae-won found Hyun Woo-jin more amazing. He pointed to the bookshelf, the titles of which were hard to read straight.

“These are just a part of it. There are more at home than here. These are just the ones he frequently references.”

“Just the ones he frequently references? That makes him even less human-like.”

“I find musicians so amazing. How can they be that good?”

“Because I ate and did nothing but this.”

“If I ate and did nothing but that, could I reach that level?”

“That might be a bit difficult.”

“See? That’s what I mean.”

Hae-won even ate the breakfast Hyun Woo-jin’s mother prepared before leaving his officetel.

The weather had warmed, and the morning was mild. He needed to talk to him beforehand to avoid causing any trouble, but he could only glare uselessly at his phone, unable to make the call.

Even sitting in the taxi home, Hae-won just stared at his phone. Hyun Woo-jin wasn’t the type to naively and straightforwardly confess to his mother what their relationship was, but if they didn’t get their stories straight and he happened to talk to his mother, misunderstandings could arise. He might even tell Hae-won never to come to the officetel again.

Hyun Woo-jin’s mother said she would become a classical music enthusiast from today and even took Hae-won’s autograph, though he wasn’t particularly famous, so it wasn’t something that would just be brushed aside.

Hyun Woo-jin’s mother’s name was Choi Hyun-mi. She insisted he write “To Choi Hyun-mi,” so he inadvertently learned his mother’s name.

He felt like he would get scolded by him. Why did you go there? If you ran into his mother, you should have made up an excuse and left; what pointless thing did you do? Unexplainable and incomprehensible things were happening, and he was at a loss for how to explain it to someone who valued logic and causality.

It seemed better to just be honest, confess everything, and clear his conscience. Hae-won called him. Lately, he was the one calling first.

―I’m in a meeting.

“Call me when you’re not busy.”

―Why.

He asked in a curt, almost off-putting manner.

“I met Choi Hyun-mi.”

―What?

“Choi Hyun-mi. Hyung, your mother.

―What are you talking about?

There was a sound of him standing up or walking somewhere. After moving to a quiet place, he asked again.

―Mother? Why my mother?

“I went to your officetel and got caught red-handed.”

―You went to my officetel?

“I was walking around and ended up nearby, and I was too lazy to go home, so I just slept there.”

―Did Mother come?

“In the morning… She brought side dishes.”

―Did you greet her properly?

“I did.”

―Alright, then.

“Aren’t you going to ask what happened?”

―If you greeted her properly, that’s enough. I’ll call you later.

Unaware that he had been suspected of being a stalker, a thief, and a fence by Choi Hyun-mi, he hung up without asking anything, as if it were no big deal. His nonchalant reaction made Hae-won feel hollow, as if he had been worrying and being overly sensitive for no reason. It was self-reproach and fear over having done something Hyun Woo-jin would dislike that had made Hae-won hesitate.

Damn it. Hae-won was undeniably falling deeper for him.

∞ ∞ ∞

When I played the violin in front of Ms. Choi Hyun-mi this morning, the sound was a bit off. The ever-changing spring weather, combined with my lack of maintenance, kept causing the pitch to drop. Winter had passed, and before I knew it, spring had arrived. Instruments require particularly meticulous care during seasonal transitions, and it seemed the cause was me carrying it around late yesterday and dragging it all over the place.

Hae-won took the violin to the instrument workshop engineer. He said the soundpost had likely shifted slightly due to humidity and temperature changes, causing balance issues.

After leaving the violin and returning home, evening had already fallen. The thought of having to go back to retrieve it in a few days, which would take several hours, already felt tedious. I unlocked the door lock and went inside.

Someone was sitting on the dark living room sofa. It was Hyun Woo-jin. He was sitting on the sofa, arms crossed, asleep.

“……”

A mix of joy and surprise, and suddenly my breath caught in my throat. Hae-won carefully moved his feet, trying not to wake him. He drew the curtains to block the light from the sign of the building across the street. Judging by his steady breathing, he was in a deep sleep.

He was dozing off with his brow furrowed as if lost in deep thought, in an uncomfortable position. Hae-won quietly studied his face. He brushed the disheveled hair above his forehead to the side, parting it in a way that felt burdensome.

Phew, he quickly covered his mouth as a laugh threatened to escape. He took out his phone and took a picture of his face. Click, click, click, click—he photographed him from various angles: front, side, above, below. Each time the shutter sound went off, his forehead twitched slightly.

He carefully sat down beside him. He gently pushed Hyun Woo-jin’s stiff shoulders back. The arms that had been tightly crossed loosened, and he leaned back into the sofa as if sinking into it. His head tilted slightly toward Hae-won.

His lips were right in front of him. His appearance, serene yet not losing its composure, felt newly striking. There was no resemblance to Ms. Choi Hyun-mi, no matter how many times he looked. The high bridge of his nose cast a deep shadow over half his face. Even with his eyes closed, a sharp intelligence could be felt in his deep-set eyes.

Hae-won didn’t even make a sound. He could feel the temperature of his lips, right in front of him, with his own lips. Hyun Woo-jin’s exhaled breath, coming only through his nose with his mouth closed, brushed against Hae-won’s skin.

Will he cling to me? Will he act clingy? Why did he come here and sit down like this? He wanted to wake him and ask. Even though you met Ms. Choi Hyun-mi, you weren’t surprised? You didn’t scold me for what I was doing there? You acted as if it were nothing, as if meeting someone you were supposed to meet?

He wanted to ask if he came here to satisfy a physiological need. He wanted to ask if he still couldn’t forget his fiancée. Then what am I? What am I to you? Hae-won wanted to ask. The things he wanted to ask him were piling up.

He quietly pretended not to know the anxiety swelling in his chest toward him. He soothed the beast in his stomach. He let go of the things he couldn’t answer, the things he wouldn’t answer. Now was the time for that. Now was the time to let useless, consuming emotions flow away like music carried by the wind to unreachable places.

Gazing at his lips, Hae-won tilted his face slightly. The moist surface of his skin, at just the right temperature, touched his. Their breaths mingled. A warm sensation spread lazily from his heart throughout his entire body.

His lips and breath, Hyun Woo-jin’s temperature, touched and awakened something deep within Hae-won’s innermost heart. It was warm and pleasant, yet a corner of his heart felt desolate.

When he came out after showering, Hyun Woo-jin, who had been dozing and had his lips taken, was awake. With tired eyes, he was sitting with his arms crossed in the same posture as when he first saw him. Then, Hyun Woo-jin looked at him and asked.

“When did you get here? You should’ve woken me.”

“You looked tired, so I left you alone. Sleep comfortably in the bed.”

Even though the part looked hard to pull off no matter how handsome he was, it suited him well enough now that he was awake and sitting up. He passed Hae-won and went into the bathroom. Hae-won could feel him pausing as he looked in the bathroom mirror.

He came out of the bathroom, his face refreshed as if washed in cold water, messing up the part Hae-won had carefully made. His eyes looked at him but he didn’t say anything.

“Aren’t you going to ask about Ms. Choi Hyun-mi?”

“You said you greeted her.”

“Is it okay if a strange man is lying on your hyung’s officetel bed and runs into your mother as long as you greet her politely?”

“I told you to go straight home yesterday.”

He recalled his words telling him to go home and sleep quietly if he’d been drinking.

Hae-won sat on the bed and pressed a towel against his wet hair. He approached, took the towel from Hae-won’s hand, and dried his hair for him instead. Hae-won rested his forehead against the man’s stomach. He wrapped his arms around his waist.

As he was removing the moisture from his hair, he spoke. When he spoke, his stomach rumbled. Hae-won pressed his ear against Hyun Woo-jin’s abdominal muscles. His voice buzzed.

“What did she say?”

Was he bothered after all? He finally asked.

“She found out I lied about being your school hubae, and she also found out I lied about being a victim in a case you’re handling as prosecutor.”

“You worked hard to cover it up. Neither of those are lies, though.”

He rubbed Hae-won’s head hard, saying that little brain of his must have been spinning fast in that short moment.

“Ow.”

Hae-won frowned and lifted his head. Resting his chin on his stomach, he looked up with difficulty at Hyun Woo-jin, who felt distant for a long moment. He met the eyes looking down at him, pinching his cheek.

“So how did you get past it?”

“I played Paganini Caprice No. 24. She treated my violin like stolen goods. She held my violin hostage, telling me to prove it wasn’t stolen by playing the hardest piece. So I was like, ‘Ah, you really are Hyun Woo-jin’s mother,’ you know.”

His lips smiled. He brushed Hae-won’s wet hair aside, revealing his forehead clearly. Hae-won stood up while still holding his waist. He still had to look up, but their eye levels were similar now.

“Did she let you go after you played?”

“She asked for an autograph, so I gave it to her. She asked me to write my name.”

“Ah.”

He nodded as if he finally understood how Hae-won knew his mother’s name.

“Did you hand the violin over to the fence and come back?”

Not seeing the violin case in its usual place, he asked.

“I left it for repairs. They said the grain shifted slightly. Earlier, when I played in front of Ms. Choi Hyun-mi, the pitch kept dropping subtly. Must have gotten sensitive because of the weather.”

“I wanted to hear you play today. Only my mother got to enjoy it.”

He said, sounding a bit regretful.

“Is it okay?”

When Hae-won asked, he looked at him with a what expression.

“Me running into Ms. Choi Hyun-mi at your hyung’s officetel.”

“You said you greeted her politely.”

“I greeted her politely. It was honestly the first time in my life I’ve been that polite to anyone. I even unconsciously put my hands together like this. I was so nervous my throat went completely dry. I actually played really hard too. I was probably more nervous than during an audition.”

“Because she’s my mother?”

Hae-won nodded, saying it seemed that way.

He thought he understood why his fiancée, as the granddaughter of a chaebol family, chose the profession of a doctor, which is nothing more than a three-D job. She probably wanted to look good in front of his mother, to be liked, and ultimately, to look good in front of Hyun Woo-jin, to be liked by him. Just like me, she probably went to medical school to greet politely and be liked.

Those who stir desire are always the only ones composed. Not knowing the painful inner circumstances of me and his dead fiancée, he just said it was fine as long as I greeted well, and stroked Hae-won’s head.

Holding his waist, Hae-won rubbed his face against his chest. When he moved his shoulders, the shower robe naturally opened, revealing one bare shoulder. Hae-won looked up at him.

Did Tae-shin ever imagine? That I would end up stimulating Hyun Woo-jin like this. That I would resort to all sorts of tricks to keep him by my side somehow.

Me, who laughed at you. Me, who dismissed you as ridiculous.

His lips descended to Hae-won’s shoulder, where the robe had slipped down.

Hae-won turned off his phone power while he was momentarily distracted. He didn’t want him to receive a call and just disappear and leave. He also hated his phone ringing insensitively at any time. If he accused him of doing it, he was prepared to get angry back, asking if he pressed it by mistake and was blaming someone else. Hae-won lay face down on the bed with his arms folded, pretending he hadn’t done anything.

Hyun Woo-jin, wearing only underwear, opened the refrigerator door and stared distractedly into the empty inside. He came back with a can of beer. The amber liquid wet the corner of his mouth and dripped down his chin. He drank half and handed the rest to Hae-won.

Hae-won half-raised his upper body, supporting himself on his elbows. He took the can and drank the beer. The cool liquid washed down his throat, sweeping away some of the stuffiness in his chest.

He threw the beer can into the trash and picked up the shower robe that had fallen on the floor, but Hyun Woo-jin’s hand brushed away the robe that had barely touched Hae-won’s fingers.

“You have to go to work early tomorrow, right?”

Hae-won glanced at the clock. The hands were approaching ten o’clock. Hyun Woo-jin, lying beside him, turned his body toward him. His eyes stared at Hae-won’s bare back, buttocks, and the legs stretching down from them.

Each time his licking gaze touched him, his heart fluttered. During the actual act, he maintained a composed demeanor, not disturbing his posture, pretending otherwise, but the part of him thrusting inside or his gaze ignored the tempered, refined shell and revealed blatant lewdness.

Seemingly upright yet disheveled, pretending disinterest yet doing what he wanted anyway—the gap between his baseness and his shell was thrillingly attractive.

Hyun Woo-jin took his hand and made him touch between his legs. Hae-won slid his hand into the side of Hyun Woo-jin’s underwear near his thigh. He felt the mound of flesh bunched up past the pelvic bone. As he gently stroked the hanging flesh pillar, it gradually grew larger.

He looked into his eyes. The more he touched, the more it swelled in volume. His chest being caressed was calm. It didn’t hurry or speed up. His breathing was steady, like during deep sleep.

“If you carry something this big around, won’t people misunderstand?”

“What misunderstanding.”

“Do judicial police officers carry guns too?”

“……”

At the pointless joke about hiding something like a pistol in his pants, specifically between his legs, he smiled only with his lips, not with his eyes.

Hyun Woo-jin glanced subtly at the phone on the side table. It was none of Hae-won’s business who called or not. He was just displeased that something requiring attention existed in his mind even while someone was touching his genitals.

Leaving his hand inside the damp underwear, Hae-won raised his upper body and drew close to him. In a posture neither lying nor sitting, he pressed his lips against his. He lightly licked the softly meeting lips and touched below, making his grow firmer. He licked and rubbed the moist inside with his tongue, making it even firmer.

A faint scent of cigarettes and beer bitterness lingered. The fully erect thing eventually pushed out of the underwear. He stroked the pillar stretching to his navel and circled the distinctly defined glans with his thumb. His own excited lower body grew hot as well.

His hand came in as if to part Hae-won’s thighs and touched below. Hae-won sat as if straddling the man’s arm and hand, kissing him, applying strong suction, and fondling Hyun Woo-jin’s genitals.

A soft, melting moan scattered through the parted lips. He licked his palate and sucked his tongue as if entwining it. He completely lay back, resting the back of his head on the pillow. He chewed and sucked on the thick lower lip that felt warmly heated. The lips he was kissing curved into a smile.

“……Are you smiling because you like it, or because it’s pathetic?”

When Hae-won, feeling offended, slightly detached his lips and asked, he said.

“Like it, pathetic, cute. All three.”

“You know I haven’t done anything seriously yet, right?”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I have over a hundred techniques.”

“Who taught you?”

Hae-won seriously pulled down his underwear. The pubic hair growing up to the pubic bone and all of Hyun Woo-jin’s penis suddenly appeared in the air. Holding his genitals, Hae-won rubbed his lips against the moist lips as if polishing them.

“When I was seventeen……, I seduced the piano teacher at our school.”

“I told you there are things nice to hear and things not nice to hear.”

“Listen.”

His jealousy made Hae-won tremble. He, who couldn’t forget his fiancée and was doing this in front of me, scolded Hae-won. He noisily sucked his lips, chu chu, and playfully poked with the tip of his tongue. He stroked the entire flesh pillar up and down with his hand.

“Did that teacher teach you? That it feels good to touch below while kissing?”

“Yeah……, he said it feels really good, fucking good, right?”

“Moon Hae-won, you really think a lot even while doing this. You remember things you did with other guys, you remember what those guys said.”

And you looked at your phone, yet you’re picking on me again. When Hae-won bit his lips hard, his hand tightly grabbed between his legs. Hae-won moaned in pain.

“Ah!”

“Keep going.”

“Ugh… haa, while kissing here, ah ugh, so hard, ah!”

“You were seventeen?”

“Yeah. When I was seventeen.”

He frowned severely. He was recalling something unpleasant.

“Keep going.”

“Back then I… ah, didn’t know anything, ugh, there, wait…, just a moment, ah!”

The hand touching below suddenly pushed his middle finger inside. Hae-won was practically sitting astride Hyun Woo-jin’s wrist.

“How did that guy do you when you didn’t know anything.”

“Made me touch… haa, made me touch his thing, ugh, deep, ah… ah! Too deep!”

His index finger joined in. His cheeks flushed. Hae-won squirmed on his arm. He grabbed Hyun Woo-jin’s genitals. His had already hardened like stone. When he clenched his thighs, the inside of his thighs rubbed against the muscular arm.

“So you touched it? I’m asking if you touched that guy’s thing.”

Hae-won answered with a head movement. It was a busy motion, neither nodding nor shaking his head.

“How was it when you touched it? Was it as good as this?”

“Ah, ah ugh, ugh… no, no.”

He grabbed Hae-won’s hand and made him grip his genitals tighter. Hae-won thrashed. Kneeling on his arm, he rubbed his buttocks against Hyun Woo-jin’s wrist. The two firmly inserted fingers wriggled inside, searching for the stimulating spot.

“Ah……!”

“You’re utterly beyond saving. How am I supposed to reform you? Huh? Hae-won-ah, what should hyung do with you?”

“Ah, ah, good, more, inside…, inside, ah!”

Grabbing Hae-won, who was trembling on his arm, Hyun Woo-jin pulled him and sat him on his lower body. The man’s genitals invaded the place where the fingers had withdrawn.

Long, thick, hard, and above all, hot. As the heated iron-like thing thrust into his center, his chest instantly burned as if on fire.

He succeeded in focusing his attention in one place. It didn’t matter whether he thought Hae-won was beyond saving or a hopelessly promiscuous kid beyond help. Right now, he was fully opening his consciousness and vision toward Hae-won, toward himself, and setting the sensory cells of his body with a disturbingly clear intensity to feel Hae-won with his entire being.

“Haa, ah ugh, ugh… good, Woo-jin hyung, ah ugh… uuugh……!”

Embarrassingly passionate cries flowed from between his lips. The genitals, reddened with raised blood vessels and tendons, moved as if shaking, thrusting in and pulling out rapidly.

Hae-won held onto his abdomen. His body shook as if riding a wildly galloping wild horse. When he thrust upward from below, Hae-won pressed down from above as if waiting for it, swallowing Hyun Woo-jin’s genitals. His breathing quickened.

“Did that guy also, haa, say he missed you?”

“What? Ah ugh, ah, ah ugh……!”

“Call him, to that guy, huh? Tell me. Did you say you missed him, did you seduce him?”

He shook his head. He had never whispered itchy words like “I miss you” to anyone. His movements sped up. The intercourse grew deeper and more intense. He felt sweat droplets tickling his spine as they streamed down.

The hand that had been gripping his pelvis and forcibly moving Hae-won now swept around his wet lower back and raised his upper body. Hae-won wrapped his arms around his neck. Chest met chest. He pressed his lips to his ear and moaned as if sobbing.

Good, so good, good.

He thought it was the sound of pleasure, of near madness, of excitement.

“Good, so, so, ahh, good, good, haa, good…!”

I like you. Hyun Woo-jin, I like you. I like you.

As bone and flesh dissolved, his mind melted away simultaneously. Embracing his neck and shoulders, Hae-won touched him wildly and pressed their lips together.

“Me, me, ahh, uh, can I come? Hyung, hyuung, can I come?”

“You want to come?”

A deeply sunken voice inquired secretly.

“Mm, yes, uh, uhh… mm!”

The low, heavy breathing seeped into his ears, sending shivers down his spine. The embracing arms laid Hae-won down on the bed just like that. Soon, an unbearable brute force pressed down from above. The intensity had clearly changed. His chin was lifted. Instead of holding onto him, Hae-won gripped the sheets. Each time Hyun Woo-jin thrust, his chest surged upward.

“Haa, ah! Ah, aahh… hahh!”

His vision blurred. The chaotic sound of flesh slapping struck his ears. In an instant, the tightly drawn string snapped.

“Hahh!”

His entire body stiffened with a tightly clenched, wet face. He couldn’t exhale the swallowed breath and stopped breathing. The one who had plunged in with a wet sound also stopped moving with a jerk. Pleasure swept through his body with a shudder.

“Haa, haa, aah…”

The flowing tears passed his temples and fell by his ears. His waist floated suspended in the air. The lines of his abdominal muscles became even more distinct on his lower belly, which was buried deep inside. He took a sharp, deep breath. His chest heaved greatly. Hae-won covered his eyes with one hand. Tears kept falling, plopping down by his ears.

∞ ∞ ∞

He had fallen asleep. It wasn’t the first or second time he had slept skin-to-skin with another person and greeted the morning, nor was it a matter of a day or two, yet Hae-won, unable to sleep, rubbed his cheek against the deeply sleeping man’s back.

He blinked his eyes while hugging Hyun Woo-jin’s waist. He ran his fingers down the distinctly carved line along the spine below the slightly protruding bone at the nape of his neck. He observed and voyeuristically gazed at his body all night long.

The small mole below the right scapula on his back, the scar that looked quite old, down to the subtle movements of the fine body hair.

The man, who had been lying on his side, let out a low groan, straightened his body, and lay flat. Hae-won spread his arms and slipped inside, clinging tightly to Hyun Woo-jin’s side. Propping himself up on his elbows, he raised his upper body slightly. He stared at Hyun Woo-jin’s round, pretty navel. When he pressed the navel lightly with his upright index finger, the man frowned. Pulling the sheet down a little, he lowered his gaze to the lower half buried in darkness.

Whether it was habitual for the dense pubic hair and the flaccid flesh, not erect, to be pushed to that side, this time too it leaned to the left. He slowly felt the sensation of the rising bulge up to below the navel with his palm hovering in the air.

It wasn’t because his hand touched below, but his face twitched as if waking from sleep. Hae-won quickly lay down using his arm as a pillow. Pretending to be asleep, he hugged Hyun Woo-jin’s waist and rested his cheek against his chest.

Whether he had woken up, his breathing changed. Hyun Woo-jin, startled, sat up. As he got up, Hae-won, having lost his support, naturally lay back on the bed. He reached over Hae-won to the side table and took his own phone. He turned on the powered-off phone.

Hae-won pulled up the sheet that had slipped down because of the sitting man and deliberately made a sound as if he was cold. He felt the gaze turning towards him. He pulled the bedding and covered Hae-won snugly up to his neck.

“……Haa.”

Bathed in the dim dawn light, he let out a low sigh. He was checking missed calls and messages and such things.

He made a call somewhere. It was a considerably apologetic time to call someone. It was the first dawn just before morning.

“Yeah, right. No. Nothing. It was off, I didn’t know.”

A low voice crawling along the floor spoke quietly. The other person’s voice was faintly heard from beyond the phone. He seemed to be his subordinate.

I’m sorry. It’s urgent… I was detained last night… It’s a case where prosecution was suspended… Of all times… I thought you should know…

“Check if there have been any changes compared to last year in recent bank transaction records, stocks, real estate, funds, everything, and put it on my desk by this morning. Yeah, good work.”

He tossed the phone onto the bedside with a thud. Letting out a tired sigh, he repeatedly swept his hand up and down his face as if washing with dry water. Hae-won closed his eyes and strained his nerves, trying not to miss even his movements and the small sounds he made.

He tilted his head back languidly and stretched his neck and shoulders. Fully awake, he pushed the bedding aside to get out of bed.

Hae-won subtly raised his hand and grabbed his arm as if in his sleep. He felt the movement stop and the gaze looking down at him. Under the prolonged gaze, Hae-won’s cheek tingled.

He changed his posture. Instead of leaving the bed, he lifted the bedding and came back inside, where the warmth and scent of each other’s bodies created a sense of fullness.

Hae-won, with his head tilted sideways on the pillow, pretended to sleep, his whole body itching. He probably couldn’t act even if he died and came back to life.

He was debating whether to suddenly open his eyes and startle Hyun Woo-jin, who was just staring for a long time, but the staring time became strangely long, and he couldn’t move a muscle.

He was barely getting through the moment, breathing steadily as if asleep, when Hyun Woo-jin climbed on top of Hae-won. Both of them had slept naked after last night’s lovemaking without putting anything on. Though he looked slender, a considerable weight pressed down on Hae-won’s chest. Placing his weight on him, he pinched and lifted the cheek that had been resting limply.

Pressing Hae-won’s face down as if fixing it to the pillow so it was clearly visible, Hyun Woo-jin slowly rubbed his lower body against him. It was a cold yet soft contact. Complaining that his weight was heavy and oppressive, Hae-won twisted his upper body as if in distress.

Frowning, he opened his eyes as if just waking from sleep. His eyes met Hyun Woo-jin’s, who was close by.

“……”

“……Shh.”

In a soundproof space where no one could hear and no sound could escape, he put a finger to his lips and secretly signaled to be quiet. He moved quietly as if conscious of someone nearby.

Opening his drowsy eyes wide, Hae-won looked up at him clearly.

He placed the two erect pillars of flesh, hardened from thrusting below, overlapping each other and rubbed them together. A strange sense of impending climax welled up. The dawn air outside the window grew hazily bright. The sun slowly rose, brilliantly illuminating his shoulders.

Leaving Hyun Woo-jin in that state, Hae-won drifted into a daze. He whispered softly by his ear.

I missed you too, like that…