#194

As soon as he felt the Dragon’s touch on his skin, a strange tremor ran through the spot where they touched. A sensation he couldn’t feel when the Dragon had touched him before spread, and his heart began to beat faster.

I should pull away, he thought, but found it difficult to move. Perhaps it was because he could feel the Dragon was alive, or perhaps it was the guilt of having driven him into danger, but Cullen remained still, looking into his eyes.

Seeing that Cullen, who had firmly stopped him from touching before, wasn’t moving, the Dragon wore a confused expression.

It was an expression of joy at even the smallest touch, just as he himself had been.

Just as one doesn’t know what to do when too happy, he must have looked like this when he was happy and sad whenever the Dragon showed a different reaction than before. It was difficult to push away the Dragon who showed the same expression.

His mouth and body stiffened. Taking a breath, Cullen let the Dragon do as he pleased for a moment.

Even though he was just letting him touch his cheek, the Dragon’s eyes, beautiful and curved, stared intently at him as he moved his hand. His fingers rubbed his cheek for a long time.

As they simply looked into each other’s eyes, the trembling intensified. His throat felt dry, making it difficult to breathe. The longer the Dragon touched him, the fainter a impulse arose within him.

He wanted to touch him too. To check if he was healing well, if there were other injuries, but also just to feel his body heat more.

Surprised by his own thoughts, Cullen flinched and pulled back. The hand that had been carefully touching him also suddenly moved away. In that process, the Dragon’s fingertips brushed his lips. Biting his lip, Cullen retreated completely and stood up.

“Cullen?”

The Dragon’s surprised look as he moved away was just like a child’s. Seeing his anxiously trembling eyes, confusion surged within him. He himself couldn’t understand his current state. It felt like the walls protecting his heart were disappearing and returning repeatedly.

“I’m sorry. If I made you uncomfortable by touching you……”

The Dragon, whose face had been filled with joy, apologized with eyes suddenly filled with sadness. It was unlike him. The fact that he, who was usually proud and elegant, had shown such weakness and gotten hurt because of him stirred a churning guilt. His heart ached as if he would go mad.

“No. It’s just……”

Breaking the silence, Cullen shook his head. It wasn’t that he was uncomfortable with the touch. It was rather that he had wanted to touch him. And he shouldn’t.

……But why?

Cullen thought this without realizing it.

The reason came to him belatedly. It was partly to make the Dragon give up his feelings for him, but wasn’t it also to protect his own Golden Seal, which had been constantly wavering because of it?

But… would that have any meaning now?

He felt confused, recalling Ulli’s disappointed look due to his lack of emotional change, and the Dragon, who had been on the brink of death, had stirred him. The wall of his heart, which he had tried to protect at all costs, had shattered the moment the Dragon was in danger.

He tried to gather the fragments and wrap himself again, but it didn’t work as he wished. Many things shook him. The Young Dragons, Ulli, and the Dragon before him…

As he was about to be shaken, Cullen remembered something important he had forgotten. While the Dragon’s wounds were starting to heal and he felt somewhat at ease, the reality that he might die brought him unbearable pain. Wasn’t that why he had asked for the Golden Seal?

Because he didn’t want to be hurt.

He couldn’t bear being hurt by love anymore, but he didn’t want to feel the pain of losing precious people like Arne again. It was his last defense mechanism. Cullen knew for sure that he didn’t have the strength to endure loss. He had lost too much love.

But the cracked wall didn’t harden as much as he thought. Not knowing what to do next, Cullen rubbed his dry face. For now, he had immediate tasks, so it would be better to clear his head.

“Now that you’ve woken up, it would be good to wash off the blood. We need to clean the wound area and check other places as well.”

The Dragon, who had been holding his breath waiting for Cullen’s answer, blinked at his words. The sadness that had spread stopped. He didn’t know exactly what he was thinking, but he seemed to find some meaning in his words.

“……Yes.”

The Dragon nodded meekly. Obediently following his words, he carefully got up from the bed. Forcing himself to suppress the urge to help him, Cullen turned away. He heard the Dragon’s footsteps, following him cautiously.

The water brought by the mercenaries wasn’t warm. Cullen frowned slightly as he checked the temperature with a wave of his hand. It wasn’t the right temperature for someone injured. But there was no other option for now.

“The water is cold. Are you alright?”

To Cullen’s question, the Dragon standing beside him bent his upper body. He reached out and put his hand in the water, then met Cullen’s gaze.

“Do you dislike the cold?”

“It’s not that……”

Before he could finish his answer, a faint light emanated from the Dragon’s hand and then faded. The change happened before he could stop it. He felt the water instantly warm up. He didn’t like the idea of him, who had just woken up, overexerting himself, so Cullen was about to say something.

“This should be just right.”

However, faced with the Dragon’s expression and words, which seemed to be seeking praise, it was difficult to point it out. He tried to ignore him, as he kept catching his eye, and Cullen moved on to the next step.

“……It would be good for you to sit here.”

He pointed to a wooden chair inside the tent, and the Dragon nodded. His obedient behavior made a bothersome sensation flutter in his chest.

Meanwhile, the Dragon, who had sat on the chair, watched Cullen obediently, as if waiting for his next command.

“I will examine your wounds, so please excuse me for a moment.”

Cullen reached for the Dragon’s robe, which he had re-fastened. Avoiding the gaze of the Dragon looking up at him from his seated position, he slowly began to remove the robe. As he pulled it down enough to fully reveal his white upper body, Cullen couldn’t continue. He hesitated to see the Dragon’s entire naked body for some unknown reason.

His throat felt slightly dry. For now, having only undressed him that much, Cullen wet a towel with the warmed water. Then, he slowly began to wipe away the hardened bloodstains.

As the warm, wet towel touched his body, the Dragon’s wings twitched. Watching this, he felt strangely tense.

Biting his lip, Cullen continued to wipe away the blood, wringing out the towel repeatedly. He had bled so much that the water in the basin quickly turned red. It was a sight he never expected to see from the Dragon. Recalling it, he was flustered and remembered something he had forgotten.

“I heard about the price you paid to save me.”

Then, he saw the Dragon’s hand tremble. Cullen deliberately avoided looking at his face and continued,

“You couldn’t heal yourself.”

His hand brushed the Dragon’s pale, firm abdomen. Even the beautifully formed abs had multiple penetrating wounds, and there were more than one or two healing marks. Looking at them, his heart grew heavy.

“You shouldn’t have done that. The result of sacrificing yourself to save someone like me, now……”

“Don’t speak like that.”

At that moment, the Dragon stopped Cullen. His gaze, which he had been trying to avoid, involuntarily rose. Their eyes met. The Dragon furrowed his brows, bit his lip, and then opened it.

“I told you that every day without you was terrible.”

The Dragon carefully grasped Cullen’s wrist, which was touching his body. His long, large hand wrapped around his wrist. Forgetting to push him away, Cullen gazed into the Dragon’s eyes. He moved a little closer.

“It was simply my destiny, I never wanted to live forever. I never even properly considered it. My Immortality was just a part of me, which is why I said that to you.”

The Dragon whispered earnestly. Like a child afraid of being abandoned.

“Only after losing you did I realize how painful Immortality without you is. Living a day without you by my side feels like madness, and if I had to endure that forever……”

His face was inches away. Pulled by the Dragon, Cullen, who was leaning halfway forward, couldn’t move and could only look at him. His body felt frozen. The emotions conveyed by each of his words were vividly felt.

“I would rather die.”

His body trembled slightly.

“So don’t call it a sacrifice. It was utterly useless to me. All I need is you, Cullen.”

His heart ached at the earnest words he had never heard from him before. His insides felt constricted. It felt ticklish somewhere, and his chest felt like it was swelling greatly.

Caught in the unfamiliar sensation, Cullen looked into the Dragon’s golden-blue eyes. The small breath he exhaled tickled his lips.

It was close enough that a slight movement would brush their lips.

With a strange tension, Cullen froze. Instead of stepping back or continuing to wipe the wound, he just looked at him. The golden eyelashes blinked.

He moved his lips slightly and slowly drew closer to Cullen. Their noses lightly touched. A chill ran down his spine. The hand holding the towel tightened its grip.

And at that moment, Cullen realized what the Dragon wanted to do.

Their lightly touching noses rubbed softly, and the Dragon held him in his tenderly curved eyes. The small breaths they exhaled tickled their lips. The Dragon whispered, staring intently at Cullen, who didn’t pull away even as he drew closer.

“You are my most precious being, Cullen.”

The Dragon, who recited the meaning of the name Cullen had given him, then lightly pressed his lips together.