#182

“Truly, I… love you.

The hand holding Cullen trembled. Looking up at me with a drenched face, the Dragon whispered desperately.

“Didn’t you say you would like me even after I died? You said you would continue to like me. I won’t ask for that much… just don’t hate me.”

He remembered the words I had spoken on the day I first confessed. He brought them up now, having assumed I had forgotten them, not giving them any meaning.

“I will do anything, anything, to be forgiven. So please, Cullen… don’t leave me.”

Thunder struck. The plea echoed, piercing the sound of the sky splitting, buzzing in my ears.

Cullen held his breath and looked down at the Dragon. It was as if the wall of reason that had surrounded him had crumbled. His long, golden hair, clinging to him, made him look even more pathetic.

His golden eyes, which contained only me, held a sad blue light. Tears continuously pooled and fell from beneath his eyelashes.

It was a desperate confession that made it hard to look away.

That sight was etched into Cullen’s eyes. The scar that had pierced his chest had been throbbing incessantly since earlier, to the point of pain. The pain was so severe that Cullen involuntarily contorted his eyes.

The words “I love you” echoed in my mind. The assumption I had harbored, the one I had doubted, had come true. He was finally hearing the words he had so desperately wanted to hear from the Dragon.

This was after I had asked the goddess to make me feel nothing.

The goddess’s Golden Seal was not perfect, so I still felt something, but it was not the same as before. I had no certainty that it would be.

If I were my former self, I would not have left Cat behind, and I would have knelt with the Dragon the moment I heard his plea. I couldn’t have let him cry. I couldn’t leave such a beautifully weeping person alone.

But instead of sitting down to meet his eye level, Cullen fell into silence. Amidst the confusion, he found the words he needed to say. The answer was already decided.

“I do not hate you.”

At the words “I do not hate you,” the Dragon blinked. His long eyelashes drooped, wet. A faint hint of relief flickered across his face, and then Cullen continued.

“But as I said, I cannot love you either. Everything you said was true. We cannot be together like lovers in the way humans speak. I walk the path of mortality, and you walk the path of immortality. Our times are different. I cannot give you the love you desire.”

The relief that had appeared on the Dragon’s face shattered. His beautiful forehead contorted in pain. Only the sound of rain hitting the ground remained in my ears when the Dragon finally spoke.

“My immortality…”

As the Dragon began to speak, Cullen listened with curiosity. However, the Dragon, who had moved his lips, could not continue. Instead, he lowered his eyes, tightened his grip on Cullen’s hand, and said,

“It’s okay if you don’t love me. Just stay by my side.”

The Dragon slowly stood up. His hair, wet with rain, clung thinly to his face. Cullen shook his head, looking at him.

“Unrequited love is more painful than you think.”

I knew from my own experience.

“Besides, if I die, I will have to long for someone I can never see again. You said you suffered for the past three years. This might be even more painful. So, please…”

Cullen spoke as if to soothe the Dragon. The being before him was the one who had inflicted a wound more painful than death, but he was also someone precious.

Separate from not wanting to love him, he did not want the Dragon to suffer. The Dragon had always granted my requests, even my selfish ones. From the matter concerning Rodiak to our entire journey, he had ultimately granted what I wanted.

Despite the betrayals he had experienced from countless humans, he trusted me again. I didn’t want to cause more pain to such a pure and good being.

So Cullen spoke for the Dragon’s sake.

“Do not love me.”

Giving up his feelings for me was for his own good.

“It is beneficial for you.”

At Cullen’s softly whispered words, the Dragon stared at him blankly. Rainwater flowed down his prominent nose. His pale, wet cheeks were ashen, and his lips were blue. He looked incredibly cold. Enough to make me worry unintentionally.

“…You.”

The Dragon, who had been frozen, opened his mouth, and tears flowed again.

“I don’t know how to… not love you.”

The Dragon grabbed Cullen’s shoulders.

“No matter what I do, I can’t erase you from my mind. I don’t want to. Because you are…”

A sob mixed into his low, raspy voice.

“The only one who makes me happy.”

The hands gripping his shoulders pulled me in. Cullen, who could have pushed the Dragon away, did not. He felt as desperate as someone drowning. His cold body tightly embraced Cullen. The Dragon held Cullen so tightly it was suffocating. As if he would never let go, his long arms wrapped around him.

Listening to the pounding of his heart, Cullen hesitated. He considered pushing him away with his hand, searching for words of persuasion. His mind went blank for a moment due to the sight of the Dragon, a sight he could never have imagined. But then Cullen remembered something else.

“Do you remember how happy you were when Kia appeared?”

Kia could easily bring out the smile that I, despite all my efforts, could not. It was then that Cullen realized the impossibility of the Dragon and me.

“When the Young Dragons grow a little older, they will bring you joy. Far more than I ever could. Don’t you have beings now who can protect each other and understand each other?”

At the mention of Kia’s name, the Dragon trembled slightly. His chest heaved noticeably. The palms of his hands, wrapped around Cullen’s back, pulled him closer. The Dragon searched for words for a long time before finally speaking.

“The Young Dragons are certainly precious to me. But Cullen…”

Despair filled the Dragon’s tone.

“You are different. I didn’t know until I lost you. So please… please.”

The Dragon begged, as if he no longer knew what to do.

“Don’t go.”

The Dragon lowered his head. He rubbed his wet forehead against Cullen’s neck, pleading.

“Don’t go…”

The sensation of hot tears mixing with the cold raindrops falling on my neck was strange.

Cullen, who had been trying to refute the Dragon’s words, tightly closed his lips. His throat felt choked, making it difficult to speak.

The Dragon repeated only “Don’t go” and buried his face in Cullen’s embrace. Cullen, letting the larger man bury himself, gazed at his golden wings drooping sadly. His fingers twitched. The impulse to hug him flashed, momentarily, unconsciously.

Following that impulse, Cullen almost stroked the Dragon’s back. But he came to his senses belatedly. Touching the Dragon would not help. The act of feeling each other’s body heat and touch would only deepen their emotions. I had to make the Dragon stop loving me.

Looking down at his slender neck, Cullen organized his thoughts. Escaping the Dragon was impossible. He, who had never done so, had even said he would kill people because of me. This way would not work.

Even though he had reached that conclusion, Cullen felt uncomfortable with the wavering he felt. He had intended to leave for just a short while to avoid it, but the Dragon couldn’t even bear that. After thinking for a long time, Cullen considered another method.

Perhaps it was because I was too close to the Dragon. Would it be better if I had something else to focus my mind on?

To do that, I had to leave here first. In this place where there was nothing to do, there was nothing to focus my attention on. If I went out and continued with other tasks, I would feel better.

“I understand.”

As if waiting for Cullen’s answer, the Dragon raised his head the moment the silence broke. His blue eyes, stained with tears, gazed at Cullen earnestly.

“I will stay by your side. But there is a compromise I need. I want to leave this place. As I said, the memories I have here are only of pain.”

At Cullen’s words, the Dragon nodded. Embracing Cullen again, the Dragon whispered,

“I will do as you wish. As long as you stay by my side, anything…”

Hearing his voice tremble slightly, he seemed quite surprised. Cullen pretended not to notice and continued.

“I will leave as soon as I find a horse. Is that alright?”

Instead of answering, the Dragon nodded. Holding Cullen tightly in his arms, he spread his wings. His lips touched Cullen’s dark, wet hair.

“I understand. I will do anything, so for now… it would be better to go back.”

The hand holding his back reached out and touched his cheek.

“If your body gets cold, you might catch a cold. Humans are weak, so hurry…”

The Dragon said this, even though my own hands were colder. Cullen, lost for words, let out a thin breath. I had always taken care of the Dragon, but him… taking care of me felt unfamiliar.

“…Yes.”

As soon as I managed to answer, the Dragon picked me up. Though I flinched at his careful touch, Cullen cooperated for now.

The Dragon, holding my legs, looked down at me with deepened eyes. He seemed to be waiting for something. As if expecting Cullen to do something.

Suddenly, Cullen remembered that he always wrapped his arms around the Dragon’s neck when he was held. But he couldn’t do such a thing. Even if I stayed by the Dragon’s side, I shouldn’t touch him more.

When Cullen didn’t move, a blue sadness settled on the Dragon’s face. But soon, he erased the expression.

After gazing at Cullen for a long time, the Dragon slowly began to fly. At the same time, the rain began to subside.

But it did not stop.