By Zephyria 
“Sorry. My friend has a bit of a mischievous personality.”
“…….”
“Yeon-jun. Are you upset?”
As soon as he asked, he knew it was a wrong question. Of course he would have been upset for a while now. Because of him.
He just hadn’t shown it, and he had only just found out about it from the conversation a moment ago. Strictly speaking, it was closer to a unilateral outpouring of pent-up words than a conversation, but that made him feel even worse. He couldn’t help but think that Yeon-jun had been suffering alone all this time.
Yeon-jun, with his head still bowed, only slightly raised his eyes to look at Eun-ha. He shook his head slightly, looking sulky to anyone who saw him. Then he slowly lowered his gaze back to the ground. Silence flowed.
Eun-ha, who was struggling with embarrassment in the silence, looked back and forth between Gu Hae-bin, who was standing over there watching them as if spectating, and Yeon-jun. Then he spoke as gently as possible. It didn’t seem like a situation where he could pick up the thread again.
“First, do you want to go inside and rest?”
“…….”
“Let’s talk again later. You must be tired too. In many ways.”
“…….”
“I’ll think about everything you said, bit by bit.”
“…….”
“Don’t cry. Okay? Why are you crying?”
“……I’m not crying.”
He ignored everything else and only answered that one thing in a sulky tone. Eun-ha barely managed to hold back the laughter that almost escaped him.
Right. He wasn’t crying. His eyes were just filled with tears to the point where they would fall at the slightest touch.
Yeon-jun stared at the ground for a long time with his eyes red and swollen, then let out a sigh that was barely audible, and walked past Eun-ha.
Eun-ha watched his retreating figure as he walked towards the Common Entrance for a moment, then let out a faint breath through his nose and followed him.
The time they stood side by side in front of the elevator was short. He was planning to see him off here, smoke a cigarette outside, and then go in.
He was staring at the floor indicator, watching the numbers change one floor at a time, when Yeon-jun suddenly opened his mouth.
“Are you going to contact me?”
“Huh?”
“You said we’d talk again later.”
“…….”
“……Then, are you going to contact me first, Hyung?”
It was as if the words ‘this time’ were omitted. He belatedly looked to the side, but Yeon-jun was looking straight ahead. He didn’t meet his gaze, even though he could clearly feel it on him.
Eun-ha thought that he must be very sulky.
“Yeah. I’ll contact you.”
A cool answer. Yeon-jun slightly parted his lips as if inhaling, then pulled his chin down tightly after a moment of silence and muttered quietly.
“You promised…….”
Then, he got into the elevator that was opening just in time, leaned against one corner, glanced at Eun-ha, and wriggled his body to the side. As if he didn’t particularly want to face him. As if he didn’t want to see his face right now.
However, Eun-ha knew that the voice that mentioned the promise had softened in the meantime, so he judged that this was some kind of ‘act’. He had spat out all the words he had been holding in, he had grabbed him like that once, and he probably wanted to show off his hurt feelings for all to see.
Before he knew it, all Eun-ha could see was the back of his head, slumped against the corner of the elevator, with a clear look of heartbreak. Neat back of the head. Long neck. Shoulders that looked listless.
For a moment, his lips twisted. In an ambiguous shape, as if he was about to laugh.
What should he say. That sight, contrary to the person’s intention, felt too……. adorable.
“…….”
The door closed. Eun-ha stood there blankly for a while, as if recalling the afterimage that had passed, then quickly came to his senses and turned around. He smiled slightly belatedly.
……It was something. Really.
As soon as he stepped outside the building, he saw Gu Hae-bin standing in the smoking area. As he took out a cigarette pack and approached, Gu Hae-bin sensed his presence and turned around. Eun-ha frowned.
“Are you crazy? Why are you being so rude?”
“What. I was just playing around.”
“To someone you don’t even know well…….”
“I do know him? He came with Hyung-jun yesterday, so we introduced ourselves and had a drink together for a while. Then we know each other. Oh, do you know Park Hyung-jun?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care……, anyway.”
He shook his head roughly. It was common for unfamiliar names to pop up in conversations with friends. Strictly speaking, they were names he might have heard before, but he didn’t bother to memorize them all.
Eun-ha was not interested in socializing for profit, while his friends often memorized and skillfully exchanged information, saying that it was all part of self-management. Even though his friends introduced him from time to time, and his Mom nagged him to manage his connections.
He often put them in his head for a moment and then quickly forgot them. He was good at improvising at every gathering he attended, but that was it.
“Then how do you know him?”
“…….”
“It didn’t seem like you met for the first time yesterday.”
Because the tone felt somehow meaningful, he deliberately ignored it, and a snicker came back as if he was meant to hear it.
“I wondered who you ran off with.”
“…….”
“Are you serious, really? Twenty years old?”
“…….”
“You’re really good. Lee Eun-ha.”
“Don’t talk to me, just…….”
“You know it’s hilarious that you’re not denying it.”
“…….”
“Or that you’re getting scratched as much as I scratch.”
“Seriously. Hey.”
He was already upset, and the constant prodding made him inevitably angry. Eun-ha glared at him and kicked the center of Gu Hae-bin’s shin without hesitation. Ah, fuck, that hurts. He nonchalantly ignored the rough grumbling voice. Then, as if they hadn’t been bickering, everyday stories came up as the topic. It started with Gu Hae-bin mentioning Park Hyun-ji’s anger in detail.
The conversation continued, focusing on the episodes that happened at yesterday’s birthday party, and then Yeon-jun’s name came up again as if he had suddenly remembered.
“But you, do you know whose brother he is?”
He asked. It was a meaningless statement. As if it was natural for Eun-ha to know that.
“……Why would I need to know that?”
He asked ominously, and the answer that came back made Eun-ha stop the hand he was bringing the cigarette to his lips.
“He’s Baek Ju-hee’s younger brother.”
……What?
“……Whose brother?”
It wasn’t that he didn’t know and was asking. Rather, he was so surprised that he blurted it out as soon as he recognized who it was.
Also, it was ironic that he remembered almost nothing despite being so shocked.
It was understandable. Because she was a person buried in the past more than 10 years ago.
“Looks like you remember?”
“……It would be strange if I didn’t.”
However, Eun-ha answered that way. All that came to mind now were roughly vague impressions and a few fragmentary scenes, but that name was clearly remembered in almost perfect condition.
There was no way he could forget. Because she was the first girlfriend he had after his hair grew out.
It happened when he was in the third year of middle school. Then they broke up and he established his unknown sexual orientation when he went to high school, so he ended up with the title of last as well. It was a short and shallow relationship of about three months, so it was too much to say that he had grandly grabbed it, but looking back now, he wondered if it was closer to just being closer and shy straight friends than a relationship.
Still, the first always had meaning. The last always had meaning. That was the name that remained.