By Zephyria 
Along with Aaron’s confession, the sound of fireworks bursting loudly echoed in his ears. A confession that clearly strove to recreate a specific moment from the past possessed that much power. Je-rim, feeling a sense of lethargy as if he had been dragged back ten years and had barely managed to swim back out, slowly caught his breath.
“…Sorry, I…”
He likes Aaron. No, simply saying he likes him feels insufficient. A special and unique existence who, then and now, makes him do things that are unlike himself.
But… one such experience was enough. Je-rim kept his head low, fiddling with the crystal glass in front of him as he struggled to continue.
“I can’t…”
“…Why?”
His voice alone, sounding hollow, made his chest ache; he didn’t have the confidence to face Aaron’s expression. He shifted his gaze to the lights shimmering atop the half-remaining champagne. Colorful fireworks burst noisily, floating inside the transparent glass.
“…I haven’t been clear with my attitude lately. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that…”
“……”
“I’m sorry for being selfish. From now on—”
“What exactly is the problem? I absolutely have to hear the reason this time. Why on earth are you being like this?”
Aaron pressed Je-rim with a tone that sounded as if he were grinding his teeth. He stepped directly in front of Je-rim to meet his eyes, forcing their gazes to intertwine.
“Don’t say it’s because you hate me. I know that’s not it. Or was my confession too hasty? Do you need time to think? Just tell me it’s that. I’ll wait as long as it takes. …Je-rim, please.”
“You don’t need to wait. It’s not that you were hasty, and it’s not that I hate you. It’s just…”
Je-rim let the answer slip out like a sigh.
“I don’t want to go through what happened with you ever again. That’s all.”
“What happened? What happened? What ‘big deal’ happened between us? We were both young, immature, and emotional, so it just spiraled to the worst possible end, but thinking back now, those were really nothing!”
“…Nothing? Was it only that much to you?”
“Yes. Wasn’t it even more of a ‘nothing’ to you? So…”
For Je-rim, who had lived in a daze for a while because of those “nothings” and still frequently heard insults because the World Cup mistake remained a label attached to him, it was a statement that inevitably provoked him. Je-rim pushed away Aaron’s hand resting on his knee and spat out a curse.
“You fucking… you have no idea how soul-crushing it is to wait endlessly, do you? That’s why this kind of bullshit is coming out of your mouth.”
At that, Aaron breathed heavily as if trying to contain his anger, but eventually failing, he poured out his fury.
“…Wait? You? Ha, then you must not know how fucking shitty it feels to feel like you’re talking to a wall. Please just listen to me, tell me the reason why you’re avoiding me, the feeling of clinging pathetically…”
Je-rim, who only remembered being miserably ignored when he tried to cling to Aaron back then, narrowed his eyes the moment he heard a claim that wasn’t in his memory.
“What? When did you cling? I was the one who…”
“What are you talking about? After that scandal broke, I contacted you so many times, but you told me not to contact you because you had no intention of believing me.”
“What are you talking about? I never received any contact from you. And I definitely never sent a message like that.”
The moment they heard claims that differed from their own memories, both realized something was wrong and quietly locked eyes.
A period of silence followed as they tried to piece together their memories from ten years ago. Because so much time had passed, many details had become fuzzy, but there was no way they could misremember such a major framework. Aaron, reaching the same conclusion, first recited what he remembered.
After comparing their stories for a while, they let out hollow breaths and frowned. Aaron, crossing his arms with a furrowed brow, spoke tentatively.
“Wait. Then the reason you were angry with me wasn’t because you stubbornly believed I cheated and refused to believe my explanation, but…”
“Because I thought you just told me to ‘take time to think’ and then ghosted me. Without any explanation. And you, ignoring me and being sarcastic during the World Cup…”
As Je-rim finally put into words the anecdote that remained the deepest wound in his memory of Aaron, Aaron’s face distorted even further.
“…The guy who threw all my voice messages, texts, calls, and DMs into the trash, then acted as if nothing had happened without a change in expression when we met—of course I thought you were mocking me.”
“You even sent voice messages?”
“Yeah… Ah, but maybe it’s a relief you didn’t hear them… Since the scandal had just broken, I was babbling like an idiot.”
Aaron let out a pained groan and swept his hair back. Je-rim was equally frustrated and pissed off, but thinking that confirming the truth was the priority, he asked.
“Do you still have that message where I supposedly told you not to contact me?”
“No, it was ten years ago, so of course it’s all deleted. Just in case, I’ll add that I’m absolutely not lying…”
“I know. You’re not the type to lie about something like this. …Haa, fuck…”
Someone had stepped between him and Aaron, interfering while pretending to be him. The person who could have done such a thing at the time, and who had the motive to do so…
“I have a suspicion. I’m not certain, but based on the circumstances. I’ll look into it and let you know.”
“Was it someone close to you?”
“…Probably.”
Someone who had his phone instead of him, someone who could easily understand messages Aaron sent in Spanish and had the ability to reply in Spanish. Someone who disapproved of him living in a daze more than anyone else and constantly nagged him, and someone who even knew that the reason he hesitated to transfer was Aaron.
Seeing as they hadn’t exposed the relationship between him and Aaron until this day, it wasn’t an action taken for personal gain. Therefore, it must be someone who had a reason to intentionally drive them apart. It likely wasn’t an action born of malice, but something they did believing they had a reason to do so.
Knowing that the only person who fit all those conditions wasn’t “probably” but definitely Ju-han, Je-rim still ended the conversation with an ambiguous term.
Just in case, because one never knows. Still, his honest feeling was that he hoped it wasn’t Ju-han. He was a mentor he had followed since he was young, a father-like figure who had worked harder than anyone for his career, and someone he was still closely linked to professionally.
Je-rim grit his teeth, thinking of Ju-han, who hugged him with a bright, cheerful smile every time they met and scolded him sharply whenever he wandered. He thought he had received his full quota of shock for the day just from Aaron’s confession, but because things had flowed in an unexpected direction, Aaron’s confession had long since drifted away from the center of the conversation.
Aaron also seemed to realize that the situation—that there was someone among Je-rim’s acquaintances who disapproved of their relationship, and that this person might be one of the old relationships Je-rim cherished—was more important than whether his confession was accepted or not, and he pressed his hand to his forehead.
“…My confession is ruined. I spent so much time preparing it…”
“…So the part about the chef here being your friend and giving you a spot, or just going for a light dinner, was all a lie?”
“Of course. What crazy person would just give up a spot like this on Christmas Eve?”
Aaron, who had been standing in an uncomfortable posture leaning over Je-rim, slumped down onto the floor.
“I racked my brain thinking that if I recreated the day we first started dating, you might become more sentimental and be more likely to accept the confession.”
That actually had the opposite effect. Je-rim looked down at Aaron, who seemed genuinely discouraged, and smacked his lips. Aaron also let out a deep sigh and looked up at Je-rim, muttering. His deep amber eyes seemed to roughly guess what the future held.
“But looking at this… it seems I failed. Seeing as you don’t look particularly happy even though you’ve found out there was third-party interference and that’s why we missed each other.”
“Is this something to be happy about? My head is fucking messy right now.”
“I understand. If it was someone close to you, you’d obviously be upset. Still, I…”
After hesitating several times, Aaron leaned in, burying his face against Je-rim’s leg, and whispered. His expression was hidden due to the posture.
“I’m happy to know that you were waiting for my contact… Am I being too selfish again? Like when I threw a tantrum and clung to you, telling you not to transfer?”
At that, Je-rim also wore a bitter smile. Knowing that Aaron had contacted him persistently, that he had been rejected with rude firmness by someone pretending to be him, and that Aaron had acted coldly when they reunited at the World Cup because he was angry—it certainly dissolved the long-standing grudge.
So now, let’s dissolve the final grudge that probably remains the largest in both my and Aaron’s hearts… and end it. Having made up his mind, Je-rim slowly chose his words and stroked Aaron’s hair.
“…I’m sorry about back then. I didn’t truly mean the things I blurted out. The apology is far too late, but…”
“Wait, don’t apologize. Just act like you usually do. Don’t act like you’re trying to clear everything and end it with this one opportunity…”
“You know me so well, so why did you start liking me again? Your taste is really…”
As Aaron tried to lift his head, Je-rim quickly applied pressure to the hand resting on Aaron’s head. If he looked at his face now, his heart might soften again and he might make a stupid choice. It was dangerous to look at Aaron’s face at the exact moment he was about to utter an uncharacteristically sentimental confession.
He looked up at the sky, which was filled with acrid smoke now that the fireworks had ended, and returned to the conversation.
“Anyway, it really was a slip of the tongue. The problem was that I liked you too much.”
“……”
“I liked you so much… that I wasn’t in my right mind for a while after we broke up. It was very hard for a while dealing with the aftermath.”
Now he could talk with a smile about being hit by eggs or the insulting modifiers like “Spain’s hidden helper” or “bubble” that always followed his name in article headlines, but it was true that it had been difficult to get to this point.
His mother collapsing from shock, his father removing every TV, computer, and newspaper in the house, Ju-han refusing food and drink, Chang-sik tearing up whenever he saw him, the Sunbaes desperately pretending to be okay even while chewing on the pain of failing to reach the round of 16, and Yeo-bin, who for a while would bring game consoles or comic books whenever he met him—he still couldn’t talk about those things with a smile.
Even if it was something that happened because misunderstandings piled up, it was an undeniable fact that he had acted stupidly and the people around him had shared the price. Even the cause of that rash behavior wasn’t anything grand. The price for making a mistake because his mental had been shattered by mere love was far too great.
“I don’t have the confidence to do that again at my age. Back then, I was young, so I was forgiven. You know it too—we’re now in a position where a single mistake can’t be dismissed as just a ‘mistake’.”
At those words, Aaron’s finger twitched. After hesitating for a moment, Je-rim met Aaron’s eyes. He felt it was only right to end it politely and honestly, even if his heart weakened.
“I won’t complain if you call me a coward. I’m scared to start over with you. So… let’s leave our past in the past. Including weird relationships like sex partners, all of it.”
“…You were the one who suggested we make a promise first. You’ve really become a coward, Je-rim.”
That day was the last of his conversations with Aaron.
Aaron left his car keys on the table and departed without a word. It made his heart ache even more because of the guy who, even then, showed consideration by telling him to drive the car back since he himself had been drinking and couldn’t drive.
Until a waiter gave him a hint that the restaurant’s business hours were coming to an end, Je-rim remained alone, immersed in agony while gazing at the night view in the midst of Christmas.
This must be the right thing. I did the right thing. Being terrified of seeing him seriously again, yet continuing a casual relationship with Aaron under the guise of being sex partners or FWB—that would be the truly selfish and absurd thing to do…
Yes, the right choice is to let the past end in the past. Just as he had chosen the option to transfer to Newum ten years ago.
His mind was a chaotic mess—his heart throbbed with a dull ache, he felt a pathetic impulse to take back his decision and act on his feelings without considering the consequences—which was exactly how he knew he was heading in the right direction.
‘…This is right.’
From that day on, Je-rim and Aaron returned to being ordinary colleagues. They no longer spent every spare moment slipping into each other’s homes to hook up, giggling over inside jokes, calling without reason, or touching each other without hesitation.
Even during training, they did their best to avoid situations where they would be alone together. If they happened to have dinner with teammates, if one was already there, the other would naturally decline. It became an unspoken rule.
Instead, they shared opinions enthusiastically during tactical meetings and played hard on the pitch, to the point where they were still called the ‘Je-ron Combo.’ Despite this, after the second half of the league began, Sefton’s performance remained mediocre—upper-middle, neither good nor bad.
Je-rim had been racking his brain over this issue lately. Clearly, neither he nor Aaron were in bad condition, their chemistry wasn’t off, and the other teammates were running passionately toward the goal of the Big Ear, yet something was subtly misaligned.
‘I’m going crazy.’
He was getting along normally with Aaron and his other colleagues, and there were no particular incidents that would hinder performance, so why on earth? Perhaps it would have been easier to find the cause if they had been completely out of sync, like in the match against Besina.
Furthermore, this wasn’t the only thing making Je-rim’s head spin.
[Why aren’t you answering your phone?]
[If you can’t talk on the phone, at least reply to my texts]
[Tell me the reason why you did it]
[Fuck, if you saw my whole phone, you must have seen the conversations where Aaron and I were acting like idiots? Did you do it in a fit of rage because you felt sick seeing that?]
[Ah, just reply]
[You know I’m going to Korea in March, right? If I go to the office and you’re not there, I’m filing a lawsuit]
Once Je-rim started digging into the events of ten years ago, Ju-han completely disappeared. He hid so well that even Chang-sik, who worked at the same company, seemed unaware of Ju-han’s whereabouts. Since agents like Chang-sik handled the practical work, it seemed the CEO, Ju-han, didn’t need to come into the office every day. Fortunately, Chang-sik seemed to have no connection to the incident.
Je-rim agonized whenever he thought about how to terminate his contract with Ju-han’s agency, how to explain the reason for termination to Chang-sik, and how to settle things personally with Ju-han.
Since Ju-han’s disappearance was essentially a confession of guilt, terminating the contract was a foregone conclusion. Now that the relationship of trust was broken, they could no longer work together. Ju-han had violated the fundamental principle of an agent: to prioritize the protection of a client’s privacy. Regardless of the affection built up over a long time… no, it was precisely because of that long-standing affection that the sense of betrayal felt even deeper.
However, while a business relationship could be easily settled based on a breach of contract terms, he had many worries about how to settle his personal relationship with Ju-han. No matter how much he was described as having a cold personality, cutting off a mentor who had supported him for nearly twenty years was…
‘…First, I need to be able to contact him before I can decide anything.’
He closed his eyes in irritation and brushed back his falling bangs.
Beyond that, there was Reman, whose rebellious phase showed no sign of fading; William, who had finally started braiding his beard into two strands like a Viking, stimulating Je-rim’s latent sadistic tendencies; Robin, who had barely given birth to a second child only to get pregnant with a third, flaunting their marital bliss; and even Marshall and Craig, who had secretly found partners and escaped the ranks of the single comrades.
Everything around him was simply a source of a headache. Every single one of them was losing their minds just because spring was coming. Why were they wasting their focus on trivial things when spring meant the Champions?
…Honestly, all of that was just an excuse. If he didn’t force himself to think of other worries, he couldn’t stand the thought of Aaron. Je-rim was utilizing the strategy of ‘fighting fire with fire’ in a bizarre way. It was closer to stuffing his brain with every irritating element he could find to scatter his thoughts of Aaron.
He couldn’t understand himself—why was he acting so pathetic when he was the one who had dumped him? Meanwhile, Aaron, the one who had been dumped, was keeping the line of ‘ordinary colleagues’ as if he had drawn it with a ruler since that day…
Just as he was worrying whether the subtle dip in performance was because of lingering feelings for Aaron, the anxiety Je-rim harbored soon became a reality and pressured Sefton.
[Sefton FC suffers shocking 0-1 home loss to ‘Toothless Tiger’ Tavarona FC]
✲ ✲ ✲
The first leg of the Champions League Round of 16 held on February 13th at Sefton Stadium was a series of shocks. Sefton, who had firmly held first place throughout the first half of the league, suffered a crushing defeat at home to Tavarona—the very team they had stolen their ace from. Reyes, the former ace of Tavarona and current ace of Sefton, Captain Ban Je-rim, and the rest of Sefton’s attacking line were helplessly… (omitted).
“Bullshit. If he’s going to write an article like this, he should just play the match himself.”
He knew he shouldn’t read domestic internet articles. Drawn in by the provocative headline, Je-rim gave the screen the middle finger.
It wasn’t a ‘helpless defeat’ of the attacking line; Tavarona had simply been lucky with a corner kick at the end of the match. Was this reporter blind? Besides, how was a one-goal difference a ‘shocking’ or ‘crushing’ score gap?
Regardless, it was true that Sefton failed to score and that they lost. Since they lost the first leg at home, overturning the result in the second leg at the opponent’s home would certainly not be easy.
Still, the opportunity wasn’t completely gone. If Sefton won the second leg by two goals or more, they would advance to the quarterfinals. Scoring two or more goals in an away match, especially at Tavarona’s home—famous for its aggressive cheering—would be very difficult, but not entirely impossible.
However, a loss in the first leg of the Round of 16, especially at home, was certainly a result that could dampen the players’ morale. Especially since the opponent was the one who had recreated the nightmare of last season’s final, and because they felt their performance hadn’t been that bad that day.
Je-rim chewed on an energy jelly and pulled William’s beard like a handle.
“Will… what’s our problem lately?”
“If I knew that, I’d be the manager… Ah, I do have a slight inkling.”
“What?”
“Isn’t it because things have been a bit subtle between you and Aaron lately?”
Since William hit the exact spot that had been pricking his conscience, Je-rim flinched.
“…W-what’s subtle? We didn’t fight. Aaron and I are completely ordinary these days.”
“Who said you fought? I’m just saying it looks that way to me. You guys don’t look comfortable with each other like you used to… Hmm, maybe that’s why you fight less?”
William, who had been pondering with his chin tilted up, eventually shook his head and continued.
“Even if I’m mistaken about you and Aaron, Reman definitely has something built up against you. He’s in a total rebellious phase. But strangely, it’s a rebellious phase directed only at you.”
“…Ah, right. Reman’s meeting.”
Come to think of it, he had been meaning to do it but had forgotten. Seeing as he had been dissatisfied with Reman’s attitude over the past few months but had forgotten the meeting—the very means to resolve that dissatisfaction—it seemed a screw in his mental discipline had indeed loosened.
To get it over with while it was on his mind, as soon as the morning training ended, Je-rim grabbed the shoulder of Reman, who was trying to leave without saying goodbye. The other teammates giggled, wondering if the youngest was finally going to get scolded, and filed out in a group.
In the quiet dressing room, Je-rim sat in a chair with Reman standing before him and spoke.
“You know why I kept you here, right?”
“……”
“We have the Tavarona away game soon. Let’s clear the air and settle things cleanly before it starts. If you have a complaint with me, speak up first.”
Given Reman’s personality, he didn’t expect him to speak immediately. But well, the only one whose lunch would be delayed the longer this took was Reman, so he decided to wait patiently. Je-rim wasn’t hungry because he had eaten an energy bar and jelly as soon as he decided to have the meeting.
After some time spent tapping the metal chair like a stopwatch, that heavy mouth finally opened.
“…Why did you lie?”
“What lie?”
“Last vacation, that you went to Newum… You were with Jerry and Reyes.”
“……”
Along with the question of how he knew, Je-rim groaned as he recalled the lie he had told Reman and the conversation he had with Glenn during the Newum match. He hadn’t realized Reman had been listening to his conversation with Glenn so attentively, nor did he think Reman would remember the random excuse he had spat out for so long.
But even so, how did he know he had been with Aaron? With a blank expression, Je-rim looked up at Reman, urging further explanation. Reman spoke hesitantly but said everything he needed to say.
“After that… I saw Reyes’s car coming out of your house quite a few times. Can I ask… what’s the relationship between you two?”
It seemed Reman had decided to ask everything he wanted now that things had come to this. He seemed nervous, judging by the way his chest heaved during a deep breath. Je-rim raised an eyebrow at the youngest, who was finally starting to act boldly.
“…What relationship? We’re friends. Now that we’re close again, we end up seeing each other often during vacations. I’m sorry if it felt bad that I made up a story about going to Newum. I just did it because I didn’t feel like explaining in detail.”
An apology for a lie told without much thought was sufficient. Je-rim crossed his arms, leaned back, and began to lay out what he actually wanted to say.
“But I don’t understand this situation. I don’t know why I have to explain my private life to you, and I don’t know why you were upset. Reman, what is this?”
“……”
At the perfectly valid point, Reman’s ears, cheeks, and the corners of his eyes gradually turned red. Je-rim tried not to show it, but he was quite flustered as he took in the sight.
He had expected an answer like, ‘I guess my ego got too big because I’m starting to play in the Starting Lineup more often and the fans like me, so I wanted to defy you as the captain. Sorry.’ Then he planned to give Reman a big hug and encourage him to pick a better target to defy in the future.
He never imagined that the youngest, six years his junior and a male teammate, would be jealous of the relationship between him and Aaron… For a moment, he wondered if Reman liked Aaron, but he quickly dismissed the thought.
The only person that timid softie openly showed dislike toward was Aaron. It was too much of a stretch to say that was a sign of shyness. Whenever Aaron nearly killed Reman during individual training, the sprawled-out Reman would glare at the perfectly fine Aaron as if he wanted to kick Aaron’s head like a soccer ball.
So, in short, the person Reman liked was…
“…I’m already on the verge of going crazy because there are so many guys giving me headaches lately besides you. So, express your intentions clearly, and only speak when you’re confident you can handle the aftermath.”
Having deduced that much, Je-rim covered his eyes and dropped his head. A deep sigh followed.
Fuck, if I knew this would be the result, I would have never had a meeting in my life. Regretting it now was like trying to put spilled water back in the glass. He couldn’t undo the fact that he knew, nor could he turn back time to before he grabbed Reman.
The only saving grace was that Reman didn’t seem to have the intention of confessing… or something like that immediately. Given his personality, if Je-rim hadn’t poked him today, he might have never even harbored such an intention for the rest of his life. He had essentially poked a hornet’s nest by attempting the meeting. Je-rim regretted it once more and ended the conversation.
“Until you have that confidence, treat me with respect as your captain. Acting prickly and sulking just because you’re upset… this isn’t a kindergarten.”
“…Sorry, I was wrong. I think I was short-sighted.”
“As long as you know. You can go. Let’s get along well again, like before.”
Reman nodded slightly and left first. Until he was gone, Je-rim leaned his back against the cabinet behind the chair and held his forehead.
‘Why am I so popular with men lately…?’
Because his first lover had been Aaron, he had ended up having sexual relations with men a few—no, quite a few—times, but everyone he met after Aaron had been women. Of course, it wasn’t that he had never received expressions of interest from men other than Aaron, but he wasn’t attracted to them. The frequency was also extremely low compared to the interest he received from women.
Therefore, Je-rim didn’t consider men as potential dating partners. It meant that only Aaron was the sole exception; basically, he neither expected men to like him nor thought that he would like a man.
In the midst of that, receiving confessions or something equivalent from two men in a row recently made his head spin.
One was his first lover from his teens, an ex-boyfriend with whom he had a nasty breakup due to various misunderstandings, and a former sex partner. The other was the team’s youngest, whom he first encountered as a minor, who had wailed while asking to exchange uniforms…
Life had been far too dynamic lately. Je-rim massaged his throbbing eyelids and placed his hand on the chair to stand up. Then, something caught his fingertips.
“Oh…”
It was the bag containing Reman’s shower supplies. Earlier, while making Reman stand there, he felt it would be like punishing him to make him hold his luggage, so he had taken it and set it aside. Perhaps because they had discussed such a distressing topic, Reman had been distracted and forgotten to take it.
‘He’ll come back for it after lunch.’
Thinking there was no need to bring it to him, he was about to push the bag to a visible spot when a figure appeared from the shower area, which he thought was empty, and a familiar voice flew in, making Je-rim shudder.
“Aren’t you being too cold to a kid? My, you were at least a bit more humane when you rejected my confession.”
The owner of the voice was Aaron. Je-rim calmed his racing heart and looked back toward the shower door where Aaron had emerged.
“Since when were you…”
“I’ve been in the pool. Just meditating for a bit.”
Aaron, who was drying his wet hair with a towel, gestured with his chin toward the inside of the shower room. There was a small pool connected there where players could cool down. There was only a passage between the shower room and the pool, no door, so if one had a conversation in the dressing room without closing the shower door, the sound naturally leaked in.
“…Is anyone else there?”
“No.”
Aaron added that he had been alone the whole time without a coach. Indeed, if anyone else had been there, he wouldn’t have easily mentioned a confession. In the first place, he should have checked the pool area thoroughly before the meeting with Reman; it was strictly his own fault for not doing so. It was a relief that the one remaining was Aaron.
Anyway, being alone together… it had been quite a while. Since he was planning to leave anyway, should he just stand up naturally? While Je-rim was pondering, Aaron asked calmly while putting on his clothes one by one.
“What about the thing you said you’d look into?”
“He stopped answering once I started digging. He’s going to Korea in March, so I’ll crush him then.”
“Are you going to kill him? If so, I’ll go too.”
It seemed Aaron had forgotten that he also had to go to Spain for an A Match. Furthermore, Je-rim, who couldn’t bring himself to harbor the impious desire to kill Ju-han and only intended to bleed him dry with a lawsuit if he continued to avoid conversation, jumped at the violent choice of words.
“Are you crazy? I’m not killing him. And even if I did, why would you come along?”
“Am I not a party to this?”
“Hey, forget it. If I kill him, I’ll kill him alone and go to prison alone, so why on earth…”
As long as Ju-han kept his mouth shut, it was still just a guess, but the reason he had caused such a scene was most likely related to him. Aaron had simply been caught up in it by bad luck. Therefore, it was only right that he be the one to resolve it.
However, at those words, Aaron threw the towel into the basket and strode toward Je-rim.
“Stop talking like you’re drawing a line. I know you’re worried in your own way, but it pisses me off every time I hear it.”
“We’re in a relationship where we should draw a line now. We’ve been doing well for a few months.”
Je-rim stared at Aaron with eyes feigning indifference, but eventually, he stood up, irritably running his hand through his hair. As expected, facing each other alone was still difficult and dangerous. What stopped Je-rim as he tried to leave first was Aaron’s long sigh.
“…Fine, then as a colleague, a question. What are you going to do about Reman?”
Je-rim had wondered why he was letting it slide for once. He waved his hand dismissively.
“I don’t know…. My head fucking hurts…. I’m leaving now….”
If Reman formally confessed, he would obviously reject him, but since things were currently on hold, there was nothing Je-rim could do. He didn’t even know what he should do. Since he had already barked at Reman to treat him as the captain, the best thing would be to act as if nothing had happened.
In any case, it would be easier than dealing with Aaron. While Reman’s feelings were a bit surprising, they weren’t enough to deal a major blow to Je-rim.
Just as he was thinking that and trying to quickly escape from the man who was currently the most harmful and dangerous to him, Je-rim’s wrist was suddenly grabbed, and his body was yanked backward.
In the moment he frowned at the strength that felt as if his hand might be ripped off, Aaron sat him back down in the chair where he had originally been and gripped Je-rim’s shoulders, interrogating him with a terrifying face. His expression looked as if he were ready to slam the man into the floor and bury him right then and there.
“You don’t know? You don’t know? Are you kidding me?”
“What now? Why the fuck are you acting out again?”
“I’m out of the picture, and you don’t know about Reman? You’ve done everything with me, but you’re saying you’ll date some kid? Is that what you mean? Do you prefer the younger ones after all?”
Had this bastard lost his mind from the shock of being dumped? No, he was always like this…. Je-rim had momentarily forgotten that temper of his, where he’d go crazy with jealousy. Je-rim replied weakly, covering his face, which was flushing for no reason.
“That’s not what I meant…. No, but hey, that sounds weird! When you put it like that, it makes me sound like some piece of trash who only likes younger guys! I’ve never even dated anyone more than four years younger than me!”
But the more he thought about it, the more he felt—fuck, what did this guy think he was? Je-rim, who had intended to explain things calmly and move on, suddenly flared up and narrowed his eyes. At that, Aaron let go of Je-rim’s shoulders and began to sneer.
“Aha, is that so? Wow, you’ve lived such a moral life. What about older ones?”
“Older ones… I’ve never dated any.”
“…So you’re not a piece of trash who only likes younger guys?”
Then, Aaron gave him a look as if he were staring down at a piece of trash rolling around at his feet, causing Je-rim to explode and sneer back.
“And you, I guess you’ve spent your whole life dating only older people? You must have been fucking popular with the older sisters. Oh, or maybe the older brothers?”
“I only dated people my own age.”
“Ha, if that’s a talent, it’s certainly a—.”
“I’ve never dated anyone but you.”
“…….”
In that instant, the anger, the Competitive Spirit, and a hint of jealousy slid out of Je-rim’s wide-open mouth. Aaron crouched down in front of him and made him shut his mouth.
“I told you not to make that face. Your expression right now is seriously hilarious.”
“…Why, why…. You don’t actually….”
Je-rim’s gaze naturally drifted toward the space between Aaron’s legs. It was because the rumor he had heard in passing long ago—that Aaron was impotent—came to mind. Reading that obvious look, Aaron looked at Je-rim as if he truly were trash this time.
“Where are you looking? Are you a pervert?”
“I-I knew there was a problem in that area….”
“You thought there was a problem? You’d know best… no, you’re the only one who would know.”
There was… no problem…. If anything, the problem was that it was too big and healthy. On the day he had sex with Aaron again after a long time, every last drop of moisture in his body had been squeezed out, leaving him unable to move the next day. There were clearly no physical or mental problems.
Furthermore, seeing as Aaron called him the only person who would know, it seemed he hadn’t just avoided dating, but sex itself…. Feeling a sense of vertigo as he thought about it, Je-rim muttered blankly.
“No, really, why…?”
“Did I have to meet someone? I just didn’t feel like it. Ever since you. …There was no one like you.”
Despite delivering the shocking confession that he hadn’t dated anyone for ten years, his tone was as nonchalant as if he were saying he skipped a meal because he had no appetite in the morning.
Because of that, Je-rim’s face flushed even redder. He didn’t know why his stomach was churning when it wasn’t even something for him to feel embarrassed about. At the same time, his mind, which had rotted away over the past ten years, filled with question marks.
With that face, that body, and that wealth, he honestly had many qualities that would make him a great partner. His personality was a bit much, but he was cute when he acted aegyo occasionally, he generally tended to accommodate his partners, he was a romantic despite his looks, and as an active athlete, he had great stamina and was good at sex… and he really didn’t date anyone? He didn’t have sex for ten years?
Was that realistically possible? Je-rim had only gone two years without it, yet when he started again with Aaron, his body had become so sensitive he couldn’t control himself. Ah, maybe that’s why this bastard leaked so much water back then…. No wonder he looked surprised even though he was the one who came; now he understood.
Moreover, it was amazing that the people around him had left Aaron alone. In this field, the moment you open your DMs, explicit messages from all sorts of beautiful men and women pouring in, asking to spend a night together, are common. To endure all those temptations for ten years with a body that had neither dated nor had sex was impossible unless he were a monk in ascetic training.
After hesitating for a while, Je-rim asked, risking being called trash again.
“Then, what about your sex drive… how did you….”
“I released it through exercise or did it myself. Since I got used to not having sex, at some point, I didn’t really feel a sex drive. Maybe I’m just born with a low drive?”
“Bullshit!”
“I’m serious. Do you think I was never tempted? But I didn’t react, whether it was a woman or a man.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Aaron once again caressed Je-rim’s knee and stared at him reproachfully. In his deep, sunken eyes, a mixture of passion that seemed ready to explode and a jealousy that was clearly being suppressed sparkled.
“But you… after breaking up with me, you had your fun dating women, and then after having some sex with me again, you think you can date men other than me now? Is that why you say you don’t know?”
How could he spin such a rich fantasy from a single short word like ‘I don’t know’? And why, instead of being fed up with it, was I….
This was why he said it was dangerous when they were alone. Je-rim stared straight into Aaron’s face, then squeezed his eyes shut and opened them. Deliberately turning his head in another direction, he spoke irritably.
“…I don’t even consider men as dating options in the first place. I didn’t even know Reman felt that way. I had zero interest! If he confesses, I’ll obviously reject him. Happy?”
“For someone who feels that way, you dated me. And when we were young, you noticed pretty quickly that I liked you.”
“Was that even trying to hide it? Even the neighborhood stray dog would have known.”
“From my perspective, Reman was at that level. Your intuition is just selective….”
“It’s just that you were special to me!”
Because he had been attracted to Aaron too, his gaze had unconsciously kept drifting toward him, and thus he had noticed that Aaron liked him. Even after realizing it, rather than feeling uncomfortable, he had only thought it was cute and wanted to play with him. He had never felt this kind of curiosity or attraction toward any man other than Aaron, nor had he ever harbored it.
Probably never again.
Having finally dragged out his honest feelings, Je-rim belatedly covered his mouth. He shouldn’t have said such things first after suggesting they return to being ordinary colleagues. He cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to gloss over the situation.
“I’m really complicated in many ways lately. So don’t stir things up more….”
“You’re the one who crossed the line first.”
It was just as Je-rim tried to stand up, pushing past Aaron. Aaron was faster; he straightened his crouched knees to block the exit and pushed Je-rim backward.
Normally, a dull thud should have echoed as Je-rim’s head hit the side of the cabinet, but no sound echoed in the quiet dressing room. It was because Aaron had placed his hand behind Je-rim’s head to cushion it.
Instead, while cradling that small head, Aaron crashed his lips against his.
“Mmph…!”
Caught between Aaron’s body and the cabinet, Je-rim struggled violently. Aaron easily suppressed Je-rim’s resistance by pinning him down with his upper body. Since one was sitting and the other was standing, it was a fight that wasn’t even a contest.
Je-rim gave up on the power struggle early on and pushed wildly at Aaron’s shoulders and chest. When he still didn’t move, he even tried to punch him. Despite that, the kiss continued, pressing in as if to suffocate him. The only resistance he could manage until the end was keeping his lips tightly shut.
Aaron persistently licked the seam of Je-rim’s lips, then looked at him with eyes that expressed dissatisfaction that the lips wouldn’t open. Then, he suddenly began to toy with Je-rim’s earlobe, pressing down on it with his fingertips.
Je-rim struggled to turn his head, mumbling in crushed pronunciation. It was obvious that if he opened his mouth any wider, a tongue would immediately enter, and because Aaron’s lips were constantly tickling him, the corners of his mouth twitched.
“Ah, stop, let’s not do this… hng!”
But the moment Aaron’s finger crept up and scratched the inside of the ear rim as if grinding with a fingernail, Je-rim’s eyelids trembled slightly and his mouth opened. Aaron had intentionally stimulated a sensitive spot without even needing to look. Not missing the opportunity, Aaron pushed his tongue in and rampaged through every part of Je-rim’s mouth.
Perhaps because it had been a while since they kissed, a tingling pleasure surged wherever Aaron’s tongue touched. Especially when he licked deeply at the tender, soft mucous membranes like the inside of the cheeks or the lingual frenulum, a tickle bloomed from that spot and spread instantly to the roof of his mouth. His entire mouth felt unbearably ticklish, and his throat gulped on its own, swallowing Aaron’s saliva.
Thinking that he would really lose his mind and get swept away again, Je-rim lightly bit Aaron’s tongue. However, perhaps he had controlled his strength too much, as Aaron didn’t even show a sign of pain and continued to press him. When he bit down with a bit more force, the metallic scent of blood immediately spread across his tongue.
“Ah….”
Aaron frowned, sticking out his tongue where blood was seeping through. The sight of deep red blood pooling at the tip of the red tongue, and his handsome face, which exuded a dangerous aura, twisting accordingly, looked so intensely erotic that Je-rim held his breath.
“…That’s why I told you not to….”
He had to leave. He had to get Aaron out of his sight right now, or he had to run away. His heart was pounding, and his head was spinning. He was on the verge of losing the effort he’d put into rejecting Aaron—knowing Aaron would be hurt just like in the past—after going as far as confessing his embarrassing inner feelings that he was scared of getting hurt again because he liked him too much.
But the exit was easily blocked by Aaron once again. This time, he didn’t actively touch Je-rim’s body or block the path as he had before. He simply pulled Je-rim’s hand toward him, licked his finger with the blood-pooled tip of his tongue, then rested his cheek against that hand and gazed quietly at Je-rim.
“Will this be enough? If you really don’t want to, bite me. Then… I’ll really stop too.”
Hearing the words ‘I’ll stop’ clearly, Je-rim’s pupils shook violently, and at the same time, their lips overlapped again. Even as the tongue, tasting of blood, swept across the roof of his mouth and entwined like a snake while swallowing saliva, Je-rim received the kiss silently with his eyes wide open.
During that time, there were several opportunities to bite and spit out Aaron’s tongue and lips. But….
‘…Thank you for letting me come to my senses, even if it was at the end.’
The moment Aaron had mentioned the ‘end’ once upon a time suddenly overlapped with the present, and the regret and fear he felt then slowly consumed Je-rim. He was the one who had suggested ending it first, yet hearing Aaron mention the assumption of an end made him feel pathetically afraid.
Because he knew better than anyone that Aaron wasn’t the type of person to easily declare the end of a relationship. He was a man who hated ‘ends’ so much that he would seriously get angry and tell Je-rim not to easily bring up the possibility of breaking up, even while accepting everything Je-rim did as if it couldn’t be helped.
If he stopped… this time, it would really be….
The end.
That was the extent of his hesitation. At this moment, it seemed better to just act on his heart and deal with the aftermath. Rather than chewing over the end in regret alone, as he had done back then at the beach.
Je-rim wrapped both arms around Aaron’s neck and squeezed his eyes shut. A hot breath leaked through his teeth. It sounded like a sigh of relief, or perhaps a low laugh.
Aaron hugged Je-rim, who was clinging to his neck, almost crushing him, and pushed him forward without giving him room to breathe. As Aaron’s weight shifted onto the small bench Je-rim was sitting on, the legs of the chair began to creak, but neither of them cared.
However, when a screeech sound mixed in between the creaking, Je-rim’s eyes snapped open. It was the sound of the door behind them opening cautiously.
“…Hng. Aaron, someone came in….”
“It’s nothing.”
Aaron grabbed the chin of Je-rim, who was trying to turn his head to check the entrance, and pressed their lips together again. And he poured on a kiss that had become even more tenacious.
Whenever Je-rim wrapped his arms more tightly around Aaron’s neck and gasped, Aaron also narrowed his eyes, glancing behind Je-rim and lightly biting his lower lip. Every time that happened, Je-rim quickly caught his breath and entwined his tongue with Aaron’s.
While they kissed frantically, the ominous sound he had heard for a moment evaporated from Je-rim’s consciousness. Just when he thought it was over, Aaron would lick his lips, and just when he thought it was over again, he would peck him, persistently lingering. By the time Aaron finally pulled away completely, Je-rim was in a daze, trying to recover his ragged breathing.
He straightened his back and even practiced abdominal breathing. His body, drained of strength, felt languid, as if a wick had been loosened. Leaning his upper body forward, Aaron tapped his forehead against Je-rim’s, like a flick to the forehead.
“I don’t understand it in the first place. If you like each other, that’s enough. You’re dumping me just because you’re scared? I really can’t wrap my head around it. What exactly are you so afraid of?”
As his breathing steadied, his mind slowly returned. Je-rim tidied his disheveled clothes and hair, scanning the dressing room.
Although regular training time was over, other colleagues could return after lunch, and the head coach and coaching staff could come and go. He belatedly realized he had acted like a madman in such a space. And Aaron was always the background to him losing his reason and acting this way.
“…This whole situation. When I’m with you… I always end up acting like an idiot. That’s why I hate it.”
He knew it sounded pathetic. So, he buried his face in Aaron’s shoulder and mumbled in a small voice.
“If I start over with you, I’ll be anxious, not knowing when it’ll end again. Whether it was a misunderstanding or whatever, I’ve already had that experience once. I hate that too.”
“…….”
“Football is the same. I want to quit all this early on, but when I’m with you, I keep feeling like I’m the one who’s wrong, like I’m the only one being a coward, and it’s pathetic. And yet, if I keep being with you, I waver, thinking maybe it’s okay to try a little longer… that’s why I hate it.”
When he lifted his head after finishing his sentence, Aaron was right there with a bewildered expression. Aaron blinked and stroked Je-rim’s cheek.
“…Je-rim, if that’s not a confession, then what is it?”
“Can’t you hear the part where I said I hate it?”
Je-rim chuckled, thinking that this guy’s ears, which only heard what he wanted to hear even in this situation, were truly something. Aaron also let out a short laugh and replied.
“Yeah, I understand that you hate acting like an idiot. I’ve been doing that same idiot shit from the age of fifteen until now, at twenty-eight. I find myself pathetic too. Sometimes my pride is so hurt that I want to quit everything… but it doesn’t work that way.”
Je-rim, surprised that Aaron was reciting exactly what he felt and thought, stopped smiling. Aaron caressed the side of Je-rim’s lips, where a dimple was faintly etched, and pressed down firmly.
“But isn’t that just how liking someone is? The you I knew was bold, the kind of guy who just charged headfirst into things. Why did you change so much?”
Indeed. How did I end up becoming such a pathetic adult? Back then, because I didn’t want to grow up to be a pathetic adult, I chose the options that made me seem mature, but looking back, it seems that was a mistake. If I had just acted according to my heart then, as I am now, would things have been a little different?
Well, since there’s no way to go back to the past, I’ll never know the future that would have changed by choosing different options. Shaking his head to brush off Aaron’s hand, Je-rim spoke in a nonchalant tone.
“You try getting hit with eggs after making a mistake at the World Cup. Then you’ll understand.”
“Eggs? What…?”
Aaron frowned as if hearing this for the first time, and his complexion gradually turned pale. Even if he hadn’t known about being hit with eggs, the mistake itself must have been an unforgettable memory for both of them, so it wouldn’t have been hard to find the link between the eggs, the mistake, and what happened right before entering the match.
“…Don’t tell me this is related to me ignoring your greeting and handshake?”
“Greeting, my foot. Do you think I called an ex who cheated on me just to say hello?”
He had intended to keep it a secret until the day he died because it was too embarrassing to admit that his mental state had been so shattered because of Aaron that he’d made such a massive mistake. Perhaps it was because he had already made the most pathetic confession. Even the secret he had tried so hard to hide flowed out smoothly, carried by the atmosphere.
After confessing, he felt strangely relieved. He had considered it a secret he could never tell even his family, but after telling the main culprit who had smashed his mental, it felt refreshing, as if a tangled ball of yarn had been cut through with scissors.
Now that Aaron also knew it was only because of a misunderstanding, his heart didn’t ache every time he thought about it like before. However, the moment he saw Aaron’s face, he immediately regretted it.
“Back then, I thought you… didn’t care about someone like me. I thought you adapted to your new team immediately without any slump, met new people, and smiled with a face that looked perfectly fine. So….”
The hand covering his mouth trembled pitifully. Before Je-rim, who had fallen into regret for bringing it up, could answer, Aaron murmured an apology like someone who had lost their soul.
“I’m sorry…. I never thought you’d make a mistake because of me….”
“Hey, forget it. I didn’t bring it up to blame you, and I don’t resent you. Well, actually, I did a little… but I know there was a misunderstanding, so I understand everything now. What I mean is….”
“Then give me a chance.”
Fingers that were still trembling covered the back of Je-rim’s hand. At the strength of the grip, which was almost desperate, Je-rim didn’t pull his hand away and gazed quietly into Aaron’s eyes. Unlike the endlessly shaking hands, his amber eyes were calm, as if an anchor had been dropped.
“I finally know what your fear is. Don’t just push me away because you’re scared; give me a chance to prove it.”
“…Prove what.”
“I want to be with you for the rest of my life. In that process… I’ll prove to you that you can let go of the fear that things might end again, at the very least. Once you’re certain, then start over with me.”
Why on earth does this guy like me this much, both then and now? To put it bluntly, couldn’t it be described as a short-lived connection that passed by in their teens? It would have been lucky if they had just passed by; it was a connection that ended in the worst way, with both giving each other plenty of wounds and tangled in misunderstandings. And even that misunderstanding had happened because of people around him….
Je-rim asked, overlooking the fact that he too had buried that short-lived teenage connection in a corner of his heart and firmly believed he had forgotten it, only to be swept up frantically upon reuniting and once again doing things that weren’t like him. For some reason, his throat felt blocked, and his voice came out blunt.
“Do you really have no pride? Why the hell do you like me so much?”
“I don’t know. If I knew the reason, I would have given up long ago. Do you think I’d call it ‘doing something retarded’ for no reason?”
Aaron let out a lifeless laugh, as if he had become far too accustomed to reading the hidden meaning behind those blunt words.
“Maybe… the fact that you tried to reach out first even before a huge match like the World Cup to a piece of trash who hadn’t contacted you and who you thought had cheated, and the fact that I’m stubbornly clinging to you now, are all pretty much the same thing.”
“…….”
✲✲✲
Aaron obediently followed Je-rim’s order to leave, as Je-rim wanted to organize his thoughts alone. It was thanks to the lessons he had learned through experience that if he provoked him further, things might spiral in an unexpected direction. Still, there was a harvest in the fact that he had made Je-rim think seriously.
He quietly closed the door and stepped out, patting the shoulder of Reman, who was frozen like a statue against the wall, a couple of times. Since Reman had left while Aaron was lost in the kiss after so long, he couldn’t tell if Reman had overheard the entire conversation, but he had certainly seen the scene of him and Je-rim kissing. Because he had made direct eye contact with Reman when Reman opened the door and walked in during the kiss.
“Enjoy the show?”
“…Move.”
Reman brushed Aaron’s arm away and left the spot as if running. Aaron also turned his back in the opposite direction of where Reman had disappeared and walked with long strides. Now that he had received a definitive answer from Je-rim that he would be rejected, there was no need to worry about it anymore. Honestly, while secretly listening to Je-rim’s ice-cold answer, he had felt a sense of shared misery to the point where he almost felt sorry for him.
It was true that he was slightly curious about how that kid had fallen for Je-rim and was suffering such heartache, but he wasn’t mischievous enough to chase after him and ask right now. Although he had deliberately poured on the kisses tenaciously until Je-rim, gasping for breath, clung to him first, just so Reman could have a good view. Anyway, he was only proactive when doing erotic things, which was cute, so he really wanted to show him.
Instead of chasing Reman, Aaron recalled the question Je-rim had thrown at him.
‘Do you really have no pride? Why the hell do you like me so much?’
Indeed. That question was the same one Aaron had incessantly asked himself after breaking up with Je-rim.
He wouldn’t have any excuse even if he were scolded for being pathetic, but even after receiving a message from Je-rim telling him not to contact him, Aaron hadn’t thought they had broken up. Even when his head went cold after hearing about Je-rim’s current status from Mateo, and even when he felt the string of his reason snap upon seeing Je-rim smiling and offering a handshake at the World Cup.
Of course, while ignoring Je-rim’s greeting, he did think that it would be difficult to return to the relationship they had before. But at that time, the thought that it didn’t matter prevailed. He was that angry. Because it seemed like the moment the anxiety he had been harboring—that he might be nothing to Je-rim—was confirmed. It was the same when Je-rim unfollowed him.
Then… when was it that he clearly realized they had broken up?
The realization came suddenly. While sitting alone at the beach where he used to go with Je-rim. The moment he realized there was no longer anyone to playfully retort, “Why are you lonely and struggling when I’m right here,” if he acted spoiled and said he was lonely and struggling, and that the smiling face he had wanted to see every day, which made his heart tighten just thinking about it, now only conveyed an unpleasant and chilly sensation.
The slump, which had been gradually subsiding, continued for a while after he realized they had broken up. However, after hearing the news that Je-rim, who had transferred to Newum, was doing incredibly well, Aaron also grit his teeth and devoted himself to football.
Why on earth do I. Why only me. How long do I have to stay like this.
Before liking Je-rim, the thing he loved most in the world was football, so to forget Je-rim, he had no choice but to focus on football. He lived for five years as if football were the only thing in his life. He set one goal, and once he achieved it, he moved to the next, the next, and the next.
Focusing on football was certainly effective. The problem was that as he won the Ballon d’Or faster than expected, boredom began to set in. To such an Aaron, his teammates babbled this as if it were advice.
‘Anyone would get bored living like a monk like you. They say the biggest stimuli in life are alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and sex, but we can only do sex. So what should you do? You should enjoy sex to your heart’s content!’
It was vulgar advice, but there was some truth in the suggestion to look for stimulation. Around that time, he hardly thought of Je-rim anymore, so he wondered if it might now be possible to try some casual encounters.
But possible, my foot; he was blocked from the start. He didn’t know if he liked men or women, he felt no interest, and he didn’t even get physically aroused. When he liked Je-rim, his lower half worked perfectly, and he was full of curiosity about Je-rim….
While feeling a sense of self-loathing as if he had literally become a retard, he quickly gave up on what didn’t work and looked for other means. Since he felt no personal curiosity or sexual desire toward humans, how could he find stimulation? Instead, he started with sports that didn’t pose a great physical risk, such as shooting, golf, and yacht sailing, and created many small hobbies. Enticed by the saying that tattoos are addictive, he started getting them around that time.
However, except for cooking, which suited his aptitude the most, none of them lasted long. By then, he had already been consumed by boredom to the point where he didn’t even find the football he loved so much interesting anymore. Even if he lifted more trophies, the sense of achievement would probably be about the same, so should he just quit everything? Wouldn’t it be better to just retire and travel here and there?
While having such complacent thoughts, a sudden injury brought a shocking realization.
His ankle twisted completely, and red blood, leaking from flesh pierced by studs, soaked the green grass. Just before collapsing onto the ground, the thought that consumed Aaron’s mind was simple.
‘It’s over.’
For now, this season was definitely over. And perhaps the World Cup to be held after the season ended, the next season, …and truly, perhaps, from now on.
Recently, he had been playing out of habit, driven by the single sense of duty that he was bound by a contract, but when he thought that everything might actually end, an unknown fear rushed in. And the biggest question was….
Why was Je-rim’s smiling face, which he hadn’t thought of much for the past few years, suddenly flickering before him?
The sky he saw while being carried out on a stretcher while receiving painkillers was piercingly blue. Perhaps because of that, once he started thinking of the boy he had loved because he resembled the blue sky, it became uncontrollable. And only then was Aaron able to find the answer to the question he had asked himself countless times.
It’s a bit embarrassing, but it started with the fact that his appearance was exactly his ideal type. He liked and found it interesting how his calm and cool impression shifted rapidly depending on his expression. He liked the faint dimples that appeared only when he smiled, the sturdy build and the ankles with distinct Achilles tendons at the end of long calves, and the height difference where their eyes met just by tilting his head slightly.
He liked the low voice with a pleasant resonance and the casual way of speaking that revealed a bold personality, and he liked the side of him that was daring as if he didn’t consider the consequences, yet realistic and clever. It was perfect down to the fact that he possessed football skills that were the only ones among his peers that Aaron could acknowledge.
He liked that Je-rim gave him ridiculous compliments, calling him cute, and he found it unbearably lovely how Je-rim, despite being very lonely himself, tried to solve it however he could whenever Aaron acted spoiled and said he was lonely. Then, when Je-rim would occasionally make remarks that scratched at one’s nerves due to his characteristic indifference, or do something reckless in a fit of temper, he liked it even while being angry and baffled.
‘What kind of reason is this.’
If he just added the word “liked” after any element that made up Je-rim, it all became a reason for liking him. So in the end, it meant he didn’t know. But one thing was certain: he felt he couldn’t end it like this.
He couldn’t end it, absolutely. He had tried so hard to end it, but seeing that he still couldn’t end it even now, it meant that what can’t be done, can’t be done.
Not only had football, which occupied the largest part of his life next to Je-rim, become boring, but it was also on the verge of being ended by others; yet, the worry that the dream of lifting the Big Ear together with Je-rim would vanish into thin air if he quit his player career now was greater. Even though he knew the opportunity to play on the same team would not come easily.
‘Even if we break up someday… hold onto me once.’
Aaron instinctively realized the moment he sensed the end of his football life that the time had come to keep this old promise.
From then on, Aaron racked his brain on how to keep the promise with Je-rim.
If an opportunity didn’t come, he could just create one himself. Coincidentally, there were only about two years left in his contract with Tavarona. He shouldn’t throw away his profession as a football player for the time being. He would have to stay in the same industry as Je-rim to make meeting him easier. The surgery ended successfully, so he should focus on rehabilitation. That way, he could play with Je-rim once more.
Not everything went as smoothly as he thought. Rehabilitation was hard, and the power struggle with the club was shitty.
The board, who hadn’t even mentioned the word ‘renewal’ when he suffered a major injury that might have prevented his form from ever returning, changed their attitude 180 degrees immediately after he succeeded in rehabilitation faster than expected and returned after winning the World Cup trophy. He felt a fundamental sense of disillusionment with his own life, having been with this club since his youth.
‘…Come to think of it, they showed this kind of attitude to Je-rim too.’
Je-rim had realized at a much younger age than he currently was the feeling of becoming a machine part that could be replaced whenever its usefulness was gone. So, as expected, back then, instead of whining like a brat and begging him not to go, he should have just hugged him…. Just as Je-rim had done for him on the day his promotion to the first team was confirmed.
The more he thought about the events of that time, the more he was filled with regret. Especially the incident at the beach…. The more he chewed over the endless regret, the more he couldn’t control his desire to meet Je-rim again as soon as possible.
The winner of the long battle between Aaron, who told the club to let him transfer within the contract period if they wanted a transfer fee, and the club, which clung to his pant legs insisting he must renew his contract, was Aaron. The club also seemed to feel that they should sell him now and get money in the winter, with half a year left in the contract, so they tried to let him transfer in a hurry, but at that time, Aaron held out out of spite.
Typically, big-name players transfer in the summer, and during the winter transfer market, even most Big Clubs don’t spend much money. Sefton couldn’t release a budget to recruit him that winter, so even if he hadn’t been spiteful, he had no choice but to hold out. Because a transfer to any club other than Sefton was meaningless.
‘They should have just let me go quickly and amicably.’
It would be a lie to say he wasn’t anxious while waiting for the transfer. Knowing that Je-rim wanted to retire quickly, every minute and second that passed by helplessly felt like a waste. The only part he could pin his hopes on was that Je-rim had not yet lifted the Big Ear.
And in the season before the contract ended, when he faced Sefton, where Je-rim belonged, in the Champions League final—his last match for Tavarona….
It was shockingly fun. Even though he wasn’t playing on the same team as Je-rim, just by stepping on the same ground, football, which had been so boring for the past few years that he had been yawning, became fun again.
After the match ended, he was somewhat surprised to think that the great Je-rim was crying, but as expected, Ban Je-rim was Ban Je-rim. Far from crying, seeing how he cursed and brushed him off when Aaron tried to help him up, it seemed his strong Competitive Spirit was still the same. Even the sharp expression Je-rim made while brushing him off was so fun that his toes tingled. He was still using that handsome face recklessly.
If it was this much just by facing him as an opposing team, how fun would it be to play together again? Since ten years had passed, it wouldn’t be that only the same aspects remained. I wonder how he has changed. He knows the probability is low, but still, maybe, just maybe, if Je-rim also couldn’t forget their youthful romance like he did… that would be nice.
That expectation was ruthlessly shattered immediately after facing Je-rim again.
Far from remembering their youthful romance, Je-rim had no interest in his ex-boyfriend at all. Perhaps because he still believed that Aaron had cheated, he always maintained a prickly attitude, he had forgotten the existence of the most important promise, and he still wouldn’t even try to listen to his words. He knows now that there was a misunderstanding, but at the time, that’s what he thought.
This was why Aaron’s stomach was churning, leaving him no choice but to act childishly. In the first place, Je-rim was the one who said he wasn’t curious and wouldn’t believe anything Aaron had to say, so Aaron couldn’t understand why Je-rim was getting angry at him. Since Je-rim didn’t care about his scandals at all, wasn’t that why he had spoken to him with a smile during the World Cup? Or was he angry because Aaron had ignored him back then?
‘He can ignore me, but I can’t ignore him?’
Now that he was back with Je-rim, it felt as if his mental age had regressed ten years, and childish impulses would suddenly surge within him. Whenever that happened, Aaron would poke at Je-rim.
He knew it was a fucking childish way of thinking, but Je-rim was also the one who had once told him that the way he spoke spitefully was the cutest thing about him. Moreover, Aaron knew that if he didn’t provoke him at every turn, Je-rim wouldn’t even acknowledge him, so this attitude was half-intentional. Of course, the other half was genuine irritation.
Two palms have to meet for anything to happen. If he didn’t remind Je-rim of his existence like this, Je-rim would likely treat his suddenly transferred ex-boyfriend as nothing more than a sack of barley left in the locker room—a mere stepping stone for the Big Ear—and then abruptly retire the moment he lifted the trophy.
Fuck, he couldn’t stand to see that happen.
Furthermore, he didn’t like some youngster who had a crush on Je-rim following him around. The moment Aaron saw the way Reman looked at Je-rim, he knew Reman liked him.
It was far too similar to the way Aaron himself had looked at Je-rim when he first fell for him as a child. It was like looking in a mirror; there was no way he could miss it. It was even more irritating because Reman perfectly fit the “blonde beauty with a pure impression” that Je-rim had once cited as his ideal type, save for the gender.
Well, the fact that Reman’s status had been downgraded from a competitor to be wary of to a pitiful kid was entirely thanks to Je-rim. From the looks of it, Reman had also come to Sefton following Je-rim, but if that were the case, he should have tried something while there was no competition. Because he did nothing but watch, he had been deprived of even the chance to try.
Regardless, using Reman as a cautionary tale, Aaron worked hard to entangle himself with Je-rim. To carve his existence back into Je-rim’s mind, it was better to fight than to do nothing. Yet, it was a daily battle of wits, as he had to be careful lest Je-rim notice everything and run away. He had struggled so much to catch this sly rabbit who showed signs of backing out the moment a single wrong step was taken.
That effort bore fruit, leading Je-rim to finally listen to his explanation after ten years, bringing them back to a state where they shared a bed, and ultimately succeeding in making Je-rim like him again. Although his carefully prepared first confession was rejected…
Let’s just say that was punishment for the past, when he had ignored Je-rim without realizing that Je-rim might have been trying to hold onto him. If it was punishment for that, he could endure much more. As long as he had the certainty that Je-rim would eventually accept him in the end, his pride was nothing. Since Je-rim had already gone through it once, it was only right that Aaron endure it too.
‘…Somehow, he’s not the type to make that kind of mistake.’
The expression Je-rim wore when he made a mistake during the World Cup was still vivid. Je-rim had run toward him with a look of sheer horror, so much so that Aaron had momentarily wondered if he should just pretend not to see the ball Je-rim had lost. More accurately, he ran in the direction the ball had rolled.
But… having already wounded Je-rim’s pride enough, Aaron didn’t want to repeat the same mistake twice, so he simply kicked the ball and sprinted. Pretending not to see an opponent’s mistake is only possible when you truly look down on that player. He had no regrets about that.
Though it was incredibly unpleasant that, as a result, Je-rim had even been pelted with eggs by his own countrymen. Since way back, they’d given Je-rim the nickname “rat,” and they were always planning strange broadcasts to put him in awkward positions. He just didn’t like them.
He decided he should suggest getting married in Spain. After all, same-sex marriage was impossible in Korea. Once they both retired at the right time, they could have a wedding and spend their honeymoon tucked away on his private island, away from the public eye, for a while. …Of course, that was assuming Je-rim accepted him.
It was while he was indulging in such blissful delusions and entering the cafeteria for a late lunch.
“…Aaron.”
Along with a voice calling from behind, a strong force pulled Aaron back out of the cafeteria. Without letting his inner surprise show, Aaron obediently let himself be dragged to a secluded corner by Je-rim.
“Are you done organizing your thoughts already?”
“No, not yet. There’s something I want to ask.”
His dark pupils held a determined glint, as if he were in the middle of a match. Whenever Je-rim had eyes like this, Aaron found him so cool and lovely that he could hardly stand it.
“This ‘proof’ thing, how are you going to do it?”
“The way I’ve always done things.”
That’s why a laugh escaped him involuntarily. With a confident smile, Aaron continued. He loved it unbearably whenever Je-rim asked him something first.
“I told you before, this is a game I absolutely have to win. I think we’re in the second half now.”
As with any sport, the most exciting point of watching football is the comeback. With a long match time of 90 minutes, plus the basic added time, 30 minutes of extra time, and even a penalty shootout, football is a game that provides particularly many opportunities to flip the script.
Just as the cliché says the ball is round, that is likely why unpredictable upsets happen so frequently in football. The reason Aaron was fascinated by football was aligned with that. Once you experience winning a game for your team with a goal scored in the second half after losing in the first, you can’t escape that pleasure.
“As you know, I’m confident in the second half. My specialty is running relentlessly to turn the tide. More than anything, it looks like I have a pretty good chance now.”
The pleasure of controlling the ever-changing flow of the game, the round ball that could roll anywhere, and the players with strong egos—connecting a pass to a shot, a shot to a scoring, and leading a losing team to victory by refusing to give up. Aaron had plenty of confidence that he could deliver that pleasure not only to himself but to the spectators as well.
And as far as Aaron knew, there was someone else who understood this pleasure better than he did. The team’s ace, whose specialty was flipping the script with brilliant creativity and a cold eye for reading the flow of the game, no matter how disadvantageous the match.
Aaron gently stroked Je-rim’s furrowed brow.
“And for guys like us…”
“Winning is the proof?”
“You know me well.”
Honestly, Aaron didn’t think his personality or way of thinking matched Je-rim’s in every single way. He knew there were more parts that didn’t align. But he also knew that in this one regard, they matched better than anyone.
“…You really are shameless, persistent, and obnoxious.”
“Did you chase me down just to curse at me?”
Aaron laughed as if it were amusing. Perhaps because he heard curses from Je-rim so often, this level of insults sounded like aegyo to him now. It was likely because he knew exactly how chilling Je-rim could be when he was actually angry and cursing.
While Je-rim let out an overt sigh at Aaron, he kept his eyes closed and opened them slowly, leaving the hand stroking his face alone. He eventually began to speak in a solemn voice.
“Fine, let’s see this grand proof of yours. Starting with the Tavarona second leg.”
“I wasn’t talking about an actual match. Though we have to win that too, obviously.”
“Hey, I’m not such a blockhead that I can’t understand that much. But first, win the actual game. I have no intention of leisurely dating right before a big match like the Champions final.”
“…So I can take that as you’ll date me once the Champions final is over?”
“Depending on how you do.”
Only then did Je-rim grab the hand that had been lingering on his face, pulling it into a grip as he curled the corners of his mouth upward. A strong force was transmitted through their joined hands. A dimple formed beside his upturned lips.
With a voice as refreshing as his bright smiling face, Je-rim declared.
“Prove it, Aaron Reyes. Then I’ll let you win.”
Whenever Je-rim smiled like this… he loved it to the point of madness.