WNC SS 54

Moonstone Beach.

The beach, famous for its night view that shimmered softly like the moon, was beautiful even in the middle of the day. In front of the endless stretch of fine, powdery white sand, the blue sea gleamed like jade. The sea, with only a few wisps of white clouds barely resting on the horizon, crashed ceaselessly, and dark rocks jutting out on the distant land met the surging foam with their bodies.

Among the bright, fine sand, mixed as if with gold and silver dust, round pebbles the color of rocks rolled about in great numbers. Each time the wind swept by, causing the fine sand particles to flow away with a soft rustle, the black pebbles would gleam blue.

“It’s pretty.” As I picked up a pebble, Ivan smiled slyly again. “Why, what, why?” The feeling of inferiority that used to make me shrink whenever he smiled was now completely a thing of the past. I brazenly lifted my head, examined the pebble, and thrust it forward.

“⋯Are these Mana Stones too?”

“They aren’t Mana Stones, strictly speaking. They’re closer to Spirit Stones. Spirit Stones without a Spirit? The people here call them Moonstones.”

Mana Stones can accommodate and store most Mana, but Spirit Stones possess the nature of only one type of Spirit. Seeing it gleam blue, it must be a Water Spirit Stone.

Curious, I picked up a few round pebbles and rolled them in my palm. Ivan, who had walked further ahead, beckoned to me.

Ivan spoke more with his hands than with his mouth. I liked his elegant gestures. The slightest glance or gesture was often taken as a shy whisper, making my heart clench. But my love was incredibly fickle, and sometimes, very rarely, even seeing the same thing would prick my heart.

Ivan was someone who could see into my heart before I showed it. One night, feeling inexplicably frustrated and anxious, I couldn’t sleep. Ivan held my hand tightly and, in a very slow, gentle tone, explained the reason for his actions.

Ivan said he had never enjoyed speaking since long ago. Because his thoughts moved much faster than his speech, he often bit his tongue. Fortunately, he had lived a life of commanding numerous attendants and servants since his birth in the Viscount’s estate, and he had managed well by communicating through nods, gestures, and tilts of his head according to etiquette.

The day we first met. He said he found me so cute for understanding his small gestures immediately, which was why he kept calling me over with his hands. When he asked if I’d stop if I disliked it, it was actually me who pleaded with him to continue. I didn’t want to miss out on more opportunities to be doted on.

Even after that conversation, my husband still summoned me with his fingertips, but now I knew that his gestures and expressions were distinctly different when he called me compared to when he called someone else.

When Ivan gestured to me, his eyes and the corners of his mouth were more relaxed than usual. He would sometimes call me with such small gestures that others wouldn’t notice, out of curiosity about how intently I was focused on him. When I immediately understood and followed, he would look at me with an expression that said he could die of adoration, breathing out a hot sigh, “Ha,” as if he wanted to kiss me right then.

And I could still instantly recognize even Ivan’s tiniest gestures.

Without disobeying his gesture that said, “Hurry over,” I set down my shoes and luggage and walked with long strides.

Nobles of Sierren usually wore shirts and vests meticulously every day. While I, whose mother was a noble, was accustomed to swimming bare-chested with my friends who were all commoners, I had been told not to do that anymore, so I obediently listened to my husband. Instead, both Ivan and I wore clothes that wouldn’t be ruined by water, making sure to include vests.

Ivan, whose ankles were submerged in the water, extended his hand to me. As I took his hand and drew closer, a cool wave swept over my insteps. After splashing around barefoot in the waves a few times, Ivan furrowed his brow slightly.

“The water is colder than I thought.”

“⋯Is it? Still, it seems like it’s fun enough to play in.”

“Will you be alright?”

“Well, maybe for a little while.”

He had jumped into the sea water even in midwinter, so what was he complaining about? Holding Ivan’s hand, I walked further in until the water reached my knees. I gradually splashed the seawater onto my knees, thighs, and chest, cupped my hands, and splashed water onto Ivan’s shoulders.

“Whether it’s river water or seawater, it’s good to wet your body beforehand like this before going in.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. If you suddenly throw yourself in, you might go cross-eyed⋯. No, it’s bad for your body.”

“Did you play by throwing each other in with your friends?”

“⋯Yes. Sometimes.”

Even though I quickly changed my words, Ivan often found the implied meaning in what I said.

The seawater now reached above my waist. The undulating waves churned just below my chest. My body floated well in the water, and I had strong limbs. My friends and I all enjoyed swimming. When it got too hot during expeditions, we would deliberately go near the Saras River to swim.

When boys of the same age gathered, pranks were commonplace. There wasn’t just one or two mischievous ones, and until recently, if we just made eye contact, we’d grab one of them and push them into the river or throw them in. I remembered Scott, who fell into the river like that the winter before last, suffering from a bad cold for a week.

Ivan looked me over with a gaze that was more subtle than usual.

“It must have been difficult to throw you.”

“That’s why I was usually the one throwing, not the one being thrown.”

“Is that so?”

Suddenly, his hand slipped under the back of my thigh. Ah, crazy. While naturally draping my arms over his shoulders, I was dumbfounded. Neither Ivan nor I had ever lifted the other like this, but I knew what kind of⋯ what kind of embarrassing act this was.

Like some noble Young Lady, I was gently lifted into Ivan’s arms. My body swayed gently, like sitting on a rocking chair on the undulating waves, and it felt comfortable.

I always wanted to be an ordinary wife to him. Did he ever want to hold me? I knew well now that Ivan liked partners with larger bodies, but still⋯ it was better than me holding him.

Looking down at his white temples and profile, our eyes met. My heart clenched again without my realizing it.

I glanced around. Well, surely not. No, even if there was no one around, this was outside. The sunlight, reflecting off the seawater, cast a radiant glow on Ivan’s beautiful face.

Yes, once⋯ once would be fine. The moment I thought that and relaxed my arms.

“Puh-ack!”

As if it were a lie that he had been holding me up and embracing me so tenderly, Ivan threw me aside.

“Fuck, this bastard.” My anger flared as the salty water, which had entered my nose and ears, made a mockery of my excitement. As soon as my flailing hand caught Ivan’s arm, without thinking, I grabbed him and shoved him underwater. “Die after drinking water,” I thought, pressing his head down as I would with my friends, but then I suddenly came to my senses.

I hastily grabbed my husband’s shoulders and pulled him above the water. Ivan, coughing and spitting out water, had red eyes, a red nose, and a red mouth⋯. He was laughing, flushed as if he had cried a lot, and it was.

“⋯A kiss?”

“⋯Yes.”

And that⋯ was arousing.

This must be why people date. It wasn’t a thought one should have after shoving someone into the water, but that’s how it was.

As promised, I taught Ivan how to swim.

Ivan said he had never swum before. He found it bothersome to undress, play, wash, and dry, so he couldn’t recommend it to his friends, and it felt awkward to play alone. His youth was filled with studying for the Academy entrance exams and his life at the Academy.

“⋯Don’t make excuses.”

“No, really⋯. Why isn’t this working?”

“Just relax your body, no, don’t grip me so tightly like this.”

“It feels like you’re going to drop me again.”

“Who else would you trust if you can’t trust your wife?”

“That’s also⋯. True.”

“You have to put your head in the water to come back out of the water.”

“⋯Bogre.”

“⋯.”

“⋯.”

“What? Are you dead? ⋯Ah, what are you doing, really!”

But even if he only studied, this was serious, wasn’t it?

Ivan seemed to have no athletic ability. Didn’t he have fists that were somewhat useful for beating people? Whether he was lying on his stomach or his back, he could hold on reasonably well when I supported him with my arms, but as soon as I let go, he would gurgle and sink.

Is he just teasing me? How can a person be so tall and yet so useless? With what courage did he jump into that winter sea water? Was it confidence that he could at least sink, if not float? Damn it, if there wasn’t a rope, he would have hit the abyss.

“You’re putting too much tension in your body. Look, relax this much, take a bigger breath…”

“⋯.”

“Ha, watch me do it.”

“Did you just sigh?”

“Huh? No, I didn’t sigh…”

“Don’t do that.”

“⋯.”

“Because it’s cute.”

“Ah, come on!”

I think he’s teasing me. It was exasperating, yet also fun, making me feel absurd.

It wasn’t like we were doing anything grand; just watching us splash around, holding his hand from there to here, and from here to there, made me feel good. After a while, when we both got tired, I would embrace him like a sea otter hugging a clam and float on the water, gazing at the sky.

We continued to teach and learn swimming. I bet Ivan, who barely managed to float, five times in swimming matches, and I won all five. When asked what I wanted as a prize, I just said, “Let’s go out and eat,” and we sat on the beach and ate our packed lunches.

There were remarkably few fish at Moonstone Beach. When I said I’d teach him how to dive at a beach with more fish next time, Ivan laughed for a long time. It was good that he laughed, but I was bewildered as to why. When I asked, Ivan said,

“I guess I’m finally comfortable now.”

“⋯Yes? Ah, well, that’s…”

“I said it because I’m happy, because I’m happy.”

“⋯.”

“Alright. It’s early summer now⋯. Let’s spend the whole summer swimming. We can go back to Sierren next spring after winter.”

Is that so?

Now⋯. Is Ivan comfortable now? But even now, whenever I see Ivan smile like that, my heart pounds so loudly that I worry I might stop breathing. It was uncomfortable, far from comfortable.

As I remained silent, Ivan spread his arms. I nestled into his embrace, which was open to me, and buried my head in his dry shoulder. Ivan’s body smelled of salty sea and the ocean.

It took almost a month for Ivan to become proficient at swimming in the sea.

I still won the swimming matches. It was only natural. My naturally stockier body was definitely more advantageous than Ivan’s for floating. My limbs were also longer and stronger than Ivan’s. Moreover, my swimming skills improved a lot as we spent so much time submerged and playing in the water.

Whether we changed the events to swimming long distances, swimming fast, or swimming far, I always came out ahead of Ivan.

Should I lose just once?

No, that’s not it. What would I get myself into?

The condition for our bets was always the same: granting a wish.

What wishes would I have to ask of Ivan? At first, it was just, “Let’s go eat and go home,” “Let’s go on a date holding hands,” “Tell me about the Academy.” That’s what it was.

He lost ten times out of ten matches, fifty times out of fifty, and I didn’t know why he kept making bets. Whenever I said I had nothing else to ask, Ivan insisted firmly that a bet was a bet, and I had to order something.

So, as the number of matches increased, the wishes became trivial.

“Spin around ten times with your eyes closed,” “Eat five oyster skewers without water,” “Show me how many push-ups you can do,” “Run to that lighthouse and back,” “Only say nice things all night tonight,” “Kiss me until just before you fall asleep,” “Hold me tight…”

Today was one of those days.

Lately, we’ve been racing at a distance of about 100 meters. We decided to go only as far as the rock, which was close enough that the current wouldn’t sweep us away, up to the point where it could be fully covered by one palm.

As always, I was faster from the start. Until now, for the clumsy swimmer Ivan, I would swim about thirty meters, then subtly peek my head above the surface to see where Ivan was. But today, Ivan, who should have been splashing behind my shoulders, was nowhere to be seen.

What? Where did he go? Panicked, I flailed and looked around. Then I dove underwater to search. Still, Ivan was nowhere to be seen.

Fuck, what is this? No, like this? Am I losing Ivan like this? In the water? Fuck, you made me unable to live without you, and now like this? So suddenly? While we were having fun?

“Ivan!”

I shouted loudly, but no answer came back. Ah, this is driving me crazy. I knew I had to call for help, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the surface, afraid I’d miss the one moment Ivan might peek his head above the water. My head was boiling. I splashed around, looking everywhere, and swam as if running.

“Ivan! Hey!”

No, but can a person who has fallen into the water be this quiet? Even if I had been distracted…

It was then that a small head popped up from the water far away.

“What are you doing in the middle of a race?”

…It was the finish line.