By Zephyria My vision, brimming with water, caught the sunlight reflecting off the river, glittering with a chilling brilliance. “That’s not it,” I mumbled, pleading, but Ivan pulled me close by the waist as if he hadn’t heard me. Even so, I couldn’t fit into his embrace, overflowing it.
The breath touching my nape was warm. My heart pounded against his chest. I hated myself for constantly leaning in, wanting to believe his words. Ivan, wrapping his hands around my waist from behind, lifted onto his tiptoes and pecked my cheeks.
Then, in a voice full of affection, he whispered softly.
“I’ve rarely had anything that was entirely my own.”
“⋯.”
“The Viscount Holmos family has had many descendants for generations. There are many cousins. Due to the family tradition of consolidating most of the assets for the heir, the wealth each person can receive, separate from the family’s fortune, is smaller compared to other families of similar size.”
“⋯.”
Although we had been married for several months, this was the first time Ivan had spoken about his family. He always asked about and talked about the Eldos Merchant Guild. Regardless of how much I liked Ivan, I had had very few ways to learn about him until now.
I held my breath, concentrating. I didn’t want to miss a single word, so I kept my eyes fixed on his lips.
“I have three older siblings, sisters and brothers, and I even have a twin brother. So, from the moment I was born, I lived sharing everything with my twin. We wore the same clothes, took turns playing with the same toys, and received the same amount of identical food. It was probably to prevent us from fighting, and it wasn’t bad educationally, but I always dreamed of life after becoming independent.”
“⋯.”
“A new life, built by two people, with someone who truly needs me.”
Ivan pulled me closer and meticulously wiped my wet face with a handkerchief. His warm hand caressed my earlobe before gently squeezing it. My ears, frozen by the river wind, tingled as they melted into the warmth. Each blink of my eyes, my wet cheeks were gently wiped away by a touch so tender.
“Of course, it was Miss Sienna I was first betrothed to. However, I only met her once⋯. She and I were not meant to be. When you took her place, I didn’t feel any particular regret. What was more important to me then was not whether you were a man or a woman, but…”
“⋯.”
“…whether you were prepared to be my one true love for life. And.”
“⋯.”
“Eric, you said you would be my wife.”
“⋯But.”
“Yes, but?”
“I was then⋯.”
“Yes. You didn’t love me. But you were desperate, weren’t you?”
“⋯.”
“Although it was because of my title, you desperately wanted me back then. That’s why I grew to like you and decided you would be my one true love for life. We went on quite a few dates, didn’t we? So I thought we had a rather conventional romance. Don’t you think so?”
“⋯That, that’s⋯.”
“The reason I consistently called you Miss Sienna wasn’t because I missed her, but⋯.”
The hand that gently pinched my cheek felt like my insides were being torn apart. His voice, continuing tenderly, was still as sweet as it had been at first. Come to think of it, Ivan had always spoken to me this way. Sweetly and specially, making me feel like I was someone extraordinary to him⋯.
“It was about the same weight as leaving the window open on our wedding night. Because I didn’t know when or where an informant from the Empire’s Nobility Yearbook might be eavesdropping, I wanted to solidify the bond between us.”
“⋯Ah.”
“But now that we’re on a ship where there are no Nobility Yearbook informants, there’s no need for that. If we were on land, I might mix things up again, but I don’t want to steal your name by making you feel hurt.”
“⋯.”
“Baroness Bikoff.”
“Hic.”
“This surname is shared only between the two of us, so it’s a name only you can have, isn’t it? Right?”
“⋯Yes.”
“The order might be a bit mixed up, but.”
Ivan took half a step back. I couldn’t cry anymore. Standing before his brilliantly shining smile, I awaited the tender confession that would follow. Ivan clasped my hands, interlocking our fingers, and looked directly into my eyes, speaking clearly and distinctly.
“I love you. I love you as you are, right before my eyes, no matter your name. If you don’t understand, I’ll keep telling you until you do.”
“⋯Ah⋯.”
“So, do you still need me?”
“Of course, of course. I⋯. I like Ivan too, I⋯. love him. And⋯.”
“Yes, and?”
“⋯.”
And, what else did I want to say?
The large ship did not sway with the small waves. The ship Ivan had prepared truly resembled him. It was steadfast, resilient, beautiful, and strong. Even though tears no longer blurred my vision, everything around me sparkled. The autumn midday sun scattered shimmering ripples everywhere.
My man stood amidst that dazzling halo of light.
“And⋯.”
“Yes, please speak.”
“⋯I’m curious. I wanted to hear more of your stories⋯. I⋯.”
Ivan smiled again.
“I suppose I neglected you by working too hard. I’m sorry.”
“⋯That, that’s not it.”
“Alright. We have plenty of time until we reach Yulan, so shall we get to know each other better, slowly?”
He pulled me into a tight embrace. Then, suddenly, he said something.
“Ah. And there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
“⋯Yes?”
“I like that my former wife overflows my embrace. When I hold you like this, you warm up quickly, which feels very good. But I noticed you seemed bothered by it⋯.”
“⋯!”
I embraced Ivan Bikoff with all my might. Damn it, I could finally breathe. I felt like I could live. He flinched at my muffled cry, but when I was told I could hug him tighter, I embraced him again. After laughing for a long time, he whispered, “Shall we go inside now?” and we continued to enjoy the romance on deck to our heart’s content.
We talked a lot, watching the rippling river water outside the round window.
Ivan said he had liked large beasts since he was very young. Even when keeping dogs, he preferred large, robust hunting dogs with broad shoulders and chests over small ones, and he preferred cows or horses over rabbits. He said that because he was a big eater, he had hoped his lover would eat heartily.
Had he noticed me gradually reducing my food intake lately, wanting to fit snugly into his embrace? Thinking about it made me incredibly embarrassed, but I liked his kind heart that told me dozens of times that he liked me as I was, so I could only wiggle my fingertips.
While I knew almost nothing about him, Ivan knew quite a lot about me.
When I married Ivan, I became Baroness Bikoff, and therefore, my story was included in the Empire’s Nobility Yearbook. The page in the thick book Ivan showed me, where my former name, Eric Eldos, was written, was only about three pages and five lines long, but more details were written than I expected.
Date of birth, height, weight, family relationships, the number of people I frequently associated with, the main items handled by the merchant guild, the reason for marrying Ivan⋯. I was utterly astonished to see that it was written that I avoided the Withrow Duchy altogether after encountering an Orc on my first trade expedition.
“You’re kidding, Sienna Eldos. You were dating a florist in the Yeldidus Duchy? And you even copied the Eldos Merchant Guild’s territory transfer rights to cross between territories when you ran away? No, damn it, Ivan already knew this? The lies I told him, that Sienna eloped with her long-time crush, were already exposed ages ago?”
Seeing my terrified expression, Ivan tickled my fingertips and said,
“There are very few people who possess a Nobility Yearbook with such detailed private entries about you.”
“⋯That, why⋯. No, how⋯?”
“The number of current Imperial nobles is only about 2% of the entire population. They are too numerous to be compiled into just one book. Therefore, the book I am showing you now is this year’s content, re-edited to focus on those who have a potential to be associated with me in the future. Each year, qualified individuals can receive it after waiting for over two months, upon paying a certain fee during the application period. It’s a custom-made edition.”
“Ah⋯.”
“So, you should consider this material that I received through a special request because I wanted to know more about you. Of course, this might seem frightening to you, Madam, who is not familiar with the Nobility Yearbook⋯.”
“Ah, no. No⋯. It’s fine.”
“Really?”
“⋯That⋯.”
“You can say if you dislike something. It’s a part I failed to consider because I’m accustomed to being observed and evaluated by third parties like this.”
“⋯Well, yes⋯. It’s a bit surprising, but⋯.”
It wasn’t just surprising. If I weren’t holding Ivan’s hand right now, I would have foamed at the mouth like a poisoned rat and collapsed. How on earth did they know my measurements and write them down? Did they get them from the tailor’s shop? How could this be? Have I been living thinking this was normal? What is nobility?
Ivan, gazing at me as I stood there flustered and at a loss, chuckled again.
“I never told you how I found the person I would marry. Didn’t I send a message to the Eldos Merchant Guild first to inquire about Miss Sienna’s engagement status?”
“You did, you did.”
“I started referring to this Nobility Yearbook from then. I prioritized the heirs of those with Single Ascent Titles in the merchant guilds located in the capital.”
“⋯You mean. No, why are you telling me this now⋯?”
“I wanted to tell you that I already knew you as you are, from a long time ago.”
“⋯Ah.”
“I wanted to know a lot about you, and I thought I knew enough, but⋯. I think I don’t know as much about you as I thought. I wanted to tell you that I’ve decided to ask you directly from now on.”
“⋯.”
“And, I didn’t realize that you wouldn’t be able to open the Nobility Yearbook even if you were curious about me. I’m sorry for that too.”
It’s strange.
The fact that someone had been watching me and meticulously recording me was both chilling and frightening. But thinking that it was thanks to my name being listed here that I could marry Ivan, it felt alright.
With a disturbed and complex heart, I stared blankly at the book, and Ivan turned the pages forward.
“Shall I show you mine too, for fairness? There’s more content about me. I’ve had a few special friends.”