By Zephyria 
As if trying to devour me.
Ruben sought my lips with desperate hunger. There was no way to push away a child clinging to me like this. Familiar with the routine, I gripped the armrests of the chair with both hands and lowered my head. Every time our tongues brushed, my whole body tingled as if a small bird had entered my mouth.
He licked and bit, pulling me down by the collar when our eyes met, and I responded willingly to his rough, wild gestures, sometimes clinging to my neck and nuzzling his nose against mine. As his breath grew warmer, so did his cheeks, his neck, and even the hollow of his waist.
Knock, knock.
The sound of a knock came from the door.
Recognizing who stood before the door, I tried to pull away in surprise, but Ruben wouldn’t let me go. He gripped my wrist tightly and pulled me towards him.
“No, don’t go.”
“…Where would I go…”
My hesitation lasted only a moment. I relaxed my body and kissed his eyes, his cheeks, his jawline. The child swallowed a growl like a beast and smiled. Amused and astonished, I too let a deep smile bloom and offered it back to Ruben.
Amidst the wet, tangled sounds, the knocking came again, bang, bang.
It was already close to midnight. Benjamin, why on earth were you coming to the Imperial Palace at this hour and knocking on the door of a busy person’s study? I took a deep breath and lifted my head.
For me, it was no trouble to compose myself after a few breaths, but Ruben was not at all ready to receive a guest. Even after all that kissing, he still panted with longing and dissatisfaction. I traced the corners of his mouth with my thumb, wiping away the moisture.
“Should I chase him away?”
“…Yes.”
I kissed his pouting, sulky lips one more time.
Now, the sound of scratching at the door began. From nearby, the voices of Knights, flustered and pleading for him to just go home, could be heard faintly.
Ruben seemed to have heard the same thing. He grabbed my waist and pressed his forehead against my chest. “Don’t do anything painful,” I said, cupping his cheeks to calm him, and he immediately looked crestfallen.
“…No. It seems like something urgent… I’ll let him in.”
“Yes.”
“…Really?”
“You can chase him away if you want.”
“…No…”
If Benjamin weren’t my close friend, he would have deserved at least thirty strokes of the rod.
So utterly dumbfounded, I covered my face with one hand and laughed, my shoulders shaking. Ruben roughly ran his hand through his disheveled hair and pressed his swollen, red lips against the back of his hand to cool them, but it was no use.
Thump, thump, thump, thud, thump. The knocking didn’t stop. Finally, Ruben took out a Recovery Artifact from his desk drawer, used it, and then opened the door.
Benjamin’s appearance was disheveled, clearly from rushing here.
“What business do you have at this hour?”
“…I’m sorry. It felt like it would be irreversible if not now. I simply couldn’t sleep… and I heard you were both still awake.”
“What is it?”
“Earlier, I should have said it. I was a bit… so…”
“Yes. So, what is it?”
“Well…”
“…Are you closing the door?”
“Wait a moment!”
Benjamin grabbed the open study door and refused to let go. Had he forgotten that the man behind me was the Emperor of this country? Of course, Ruben wouldn’t say anything about this, having forged a bond of camaraderie with Benjamin while crossing the desert together, but it was certainly excessive.
At this point, I was even worried, wondering what could possibly be so important. I softened my voice and asked again.
“Is something really wrong?”
“…Can it… be exchanged?”
“What?”
Is this guy out of his mind?
With Benjamin standing before him, head bowed low with his hands behind his back like a knight being punished, Ruben covered his face with both hands and couldn’t lift his head. Leaning beside him, I patted Ruben’s shoulder occasionally, struggling to suppress my bubbling laughter.
The more I heard, the more absurd it became. Ruben’s mumbled words, “I should have just chased him away,” were not unheard by me.
As Benjamin’s pleading voice grew fainter, my scolding tone gained strength.
“So… you chose a dagger because you lacked the nerve to pick a purple gem while Marianne was right beside you.”
“…Yes.”
“And because of that, Marianne said, ‘Oh, so-and-so is excited about giving it to her husband, so she grabbed the topaz first,’ did she?”
“…Yes.”
“Even though you know Marianne is naturally a mischievous friend.”
“…”
“Do you know this is the Crystal Palace?”
“…I do. But, if today passes, I really don’t think it will work.”
“Ha…”
“…Your Majesty! Please, just spare me this once. Yes? You know…”
Know what?
Wondering what to do with this man, I turned to Ruben and suddenly burst into laughter. Whatever he had been thinking, the child now had a resolute expression, just like Benjamin. Is he going to accept this again? It wouldn’t be bad if the children grew closer in my absence, but…
Ruben stood up and tied his hair back tightly with a string. Seeing that he seemed about to go out, I pulled his jacket, hanging nearby, and helped him put it on.
Ruben commanded sternly.
“…Yes, I was wondering how to make time tomorrow, so this is good. You should go now, pick out the gems, and decide how to restrict access to the relevant Lair. Go.”
“Thank you! Thank you, Your Majesty!”
I clicked my tongue and shook my head. Even though it was my own love and affection, Benjamin’s situation seemed so comical, it was strange.
❖ ❖ ❖
Three of us squeezed into a four-seater carriage and headed for the gem merchant street.
Benjamin had harbored feelings for Marianne for a very long time. He had seen her flutter with the excitement of her first love, and he had seen her weep when she lost that love, all from the closest vantage point.
Marianne, who claimed she couldn’t live without love, had pushed it aside after Glotin Tenner’s death, thinking marriage and love weren’t for her. She acted like a fox peeking at her neighbor’s grapes.
Sometimes, seeing Marianne laugh heartily, saying it was too sour and bitter for her to eat, brought back old memories.
That girl, who knew it was love when she saw the downy fuzz on her earlobe shining like a jewel.
“Still, weren’t you acting like lovers?”
“We were… similar. But…”
Benjamin, his clasped hands held tightly, looked anxious the entire time. His gaze kept drifting to the darkening window outside. Instead of telling him to calm down, I nudged his foot with mine. Benjamin, seeing Ikyun, let out a weak laugh and ran a hand over his face.
“…On a day like today, it’s the first time.”
“Hmm?”
“If I miss this chance, this opportunity, I feel like something terrible will happen, so I can’t collect myself.”
“…Hah…”
A few months before my funeral. Benjamin confessed to Marianne.
At that time, both Benjamin and Marianne were half out of their minds. Both were talented individuals who excelled in their respective fields, but the heart is forged over a long period. Both were young, immature, and thus could not easily overcome their grief.
Marianne, in particular, suffered greatly.
Marianne, who had lost a dear comrade, quickly became quiet. Her cheerful laughter and jokes were replaced by tears and worries. Benjamin was desperate to comfort Marianne, but every time he stroked the back of a crying woman, he couldn’t hide his uncontrollably pounding heart.
Marianne rejected him before Benjamin could even confess.
‘I’m sorry, Benjamin. I don’t want to lose another friend. I just want us to remain close friends. Of course, if you don’t like that…’
Marianne had repeatedly told him that she was not a suitable partner for Benjamin. She said she wouldn’t have children, wouldn’t get married, was busy with work, and had too many things she wanted to do and be curious about, so she didn’t have much time to give. She said this many times, no, dozens of times.
Benjamin asked.
‘Then you won’t even date for the rest of your life?’
Marianne replied.
‘That… probably not.’
So, Benjamin desperately clung to the brief opening that presented itself.
“Whether you refuse or accept… I said I would remain your closest friend. I know Marianne is busy, so could you at least give me the time you have left? I asked. Even between friends, that’s normal, isn’t it?”
“That much?”
“If we have a day off together, we go out to play, we sometimes play silly pranks, and if I see something you might like, I give it to you as a gift… That way, be the friend I think of first when I’m bored.”
“…”
“Marianne didn’t refuse even that. Perhaps she thought, ‘Let’s see how far this goes’…”
After that, Benjamin began walking a precarious tightrope between a friend-like lover and a lover-like friend.
“Honestly… I never thought I was Marianne’s best option. Not just because of my appearance…”
“Young Lady Philodendor,”
Ruben interjected.
“She said she never disliked Lord Claudian’s appearance.”
“…”
“If anything, his looks are more handsome than plain, and though he’s tall, up close he has a gentle face, so he’s not scary or unlikable, she hinted.”
“…Did she?”
“Yes. So, please continue.”
Benjamin, his usually stoic face flushed red, opened the carriage window.
The April night breeze was somewhat cool, enough to properly cool his flushed cheeks, but his face was so hot that it showed no sign of cooling.
“…Yes. Anyway, until now… she always said it as a joke. She said I could leave anytime if I wanted to get married, that I had suitors lining up, things like that… She asked, ‘No matter how close we are, what if you regret the time spent with me later?’…”
“…”
Marianne told me that what she was doing now was dating.
She decided to enjoy dating without getting married. She said the other person could leave if they didn’t like it, and she would be sad, but it would be okay. That’s the kind of dating she was doing.
But Benjamin couldn’t call someone who didn’t envision a future with him a lover.
Until today.