By Zephyria 
What are you talking about the gods’ dwelling as if deciding where to place potted plants?
However, Rubel, who was not particularly devout, much like Hugh Benson, answered easily.
“It would be best to make space for them in the main temple. However, they are not the type to stay put in their given dwellings, so Lord Benson, please look into it and if they wish to mingle with the citizens, arrange for an inn. I will cover the costs.”
“Yes.”
“Is there no need to return to the Magic territory any longer?”
“I have scoured all the areas Gano Paquin marked for two years. There were only a few Black magicians scattered around, so I couldn’t catch many. More importantly, I believe I have obtained as many fragments of the gods as possible. We could go further north to search for the First God or the Oasis…”
“That would be unnecessary.”
“Yes. The effort would not yield sufficient results. It would be better to stay in the capital, where information is concentrated, and deal with the situation as it unfolds. Then, I will contact you once the dwellings for the gods and the rest of the party are decided.”
“Yes. I’ll be counting on you.”
Hugh Benson tapped Elvin on the elbow and they both stood up.
Already leaving? I hesitated without realizing it. Hugh Benson gestured with his chin, stopping me from getting up.
“Lord Ernhardt will be left behind. If you think of anything you need to convey later, please send it in writing.”
“…Yes. Thank you.”
Ruben replied politely and saw Hugh off.
Yet, strangely, my throat felt choked, and I couldn’t utter a single word of farewell.
For the past two years, I had eagerly awaited the day I would reunite with Ruben. I missed his charmingly folded eyes that would soften whenever they met mine, and his pale cheeks that would often flush a rosy hue, so much so that I would pester Gano Paquin multiple times a day.
What felt so awkward, and what weighed so heavily on my mind?
I remained lost in silence for a long time.
Where should I even begin? My mind was in a state of great turmoil. When I parted ways with the child, I felt less hesitant than I do now. I believed that no matter how many years passed, the bond between Ruben and me would remain intact and clear. Why did it feel so foreign now? I couldn’t understand…
Ah.
Hestia Yeldidus.
With the name that suddenly came to mind, I thought of what I needed to ask immediately.
I raised my gaze from the table, which I had been staring at, and looked at Ruben. He had been quietly waiting, so I assumed he was giving me enough time to think. But now, I saw he was chewing his lower lip intensely.
…Suppressing the urge to blurt something out, I asked calmly.
“I heard you left a message saying you were sorry to me…”
“…Ah.”
Ruben lowered his eyes mournfully. He couldn’t keep his hands still, clasping them tightly together and resting them on his knees. Ruben took a breath and spoke in a very slow, cautious tone.
“I was worried… that you might be concerned about Lady Yeldidus…”
“That’s not true.”
“…You say it’s not?”
“Yes.”
Was my answer too quick?
But I didn’t want this child to suspect for a moment that I was jealous.
It was partly because on the way here, I had heard the citizens’ voices wishing for an heir to be born between Ruben and Yeldidus. It was also because I had learned that I might no longer be human at some point in the future.
And, if by some slim chance, I were to die fighting the Ninth God, what then?
The problems laid out before me were still as high as mountains. I shouldn’t covet Ruben before I had dealt with these. I should be ashamed of my past self who had rushed into things driven by infatuation…
Ruben didn’t answer immediately; he just looked at me quietly.
I didn’t avoid his gaze either.
If it were Rubel, wouldn’t he read all my inner thoughts? He might know what I was afraid of and why I was acting this way, and perhaps laugh. If he took my hand and chided me for worrying needlessly, then I…
I feared it, yet I also yearned for it. Ruben looked at me with an ambiguous expression.
Looking at his pale cheeks, unmarred by any blush, I realized that the answer I wanted wouldn’t come from his lips. I forced a smile, pulling the corners of my mouth up.
Ruben asked again.
“…Then, is it okay to stay like this for now?”
“Yes.”
“… .”
After answering, I became curious about what ‘staying like this for now’ meant. I asked calmly.
“Is there a reason why we must?”
“…You know that the Duke Yeldidus and Lady Yeldidus currently have different opinions, right?”
“Yes.”
“The Duke Yeldidus is still closer to the First Prince’s faction. He is filled with the determination to secure the position of Emperor’s father-in-law, no matter what. Therefore, for Lady Yeldidus to legitimately inherit the ducal title, I must be made Emperor.”
“How?”
“She plans to persuade the retainers by arguing that the Duke’s judgment in choosing the First Prince is untrustworthy, and then seize the ducal title. She said that no matter how much she dislikes him, she cannot kill her father.”
“…Hmm.”
“Since Lucilla is not in the capital, she finds it difficult to reach out to high society, so she is borrowing the Lady’s help. Even if that weren’t the case, the Yeldidus family’s influence is still needed…”
As I listened to the detailed explanation, I understood even more. I nodded again.
“Yes. It’s fine.”
A brief silence, as if the air had stopped, passed.
“…Really?”
Ruben asked again. It was difficult to discern the color of the emotion in his voice. My mind was hazy, and my vision blurred.
If I said I wasn’t fine, would he stop? This was a time when I needed all the help I could get.
I tried to smile as brightly as I could. I should have practiced my expressions more instead of spending time fussing with my hair. I had no idea what kind of face I was making as I looked at Ruben.
“Yes. I’m really fine.”
“…Alright, I understand.”
Ruben smiled back. But I knew his smile was fake because his eyes didn’t crinkle into a soft, beautiful light. Ruben took a couple of breaths in that posture and spoke calmly.
“Next time… I’ll introduce you to the Lady.”
“Yes.”
After that, we exchanged trivial small talk. I refused their invitation to eat together and left.
On my way out, I realized I hadn’t said any of the things I truly wanted to say: how I had endured by looking at my hands and thinking of Ruben, or how I had run out of the holy oil Ruben liked and wished he would give me some again.
But I no longer had the courage to go back.
Instead of heading to the empty Valentine family townhouse, I decided to stay at an inn with the gods.
❖ ❖ ❖
News of my arrival in the capital spread quickly.
My friends from the Academy, who had been busy with their lives, invited me to meet, and I readily accepted. It was only right that I should have invited them first, but I was grateful that they welcomed me so warmly.
We sat around a round table at a restaurant we often visited during our Academy days. Apart from the wine glasses replacing the beverage coasters, little had changed as we had all aged.
Demian, Jenny, Benjamin, and Ivan. The four of them chatted happily.
Demian and Jenny, who had remained in the capital, seemed to have held their ground well. Demian had already passed a promotion exam and advanced, and Jenny was busy acting as a senior to the many juniors under her.
“It seems my letter of recommendation wasn’t needed.”
“I didn’t intend to compete solely on skill, but someone was absent for five years, so I had no choice.”
“Hmm.”
“It was very difficult to survive without a patron. Why didn’t you stay with the Second Prince?”
“That’s right. If I had the Second Prince, I could have lived drinking only one glass of wine instead of four!”
“Jenny? That can’t be right.”
“What do you mean by that?”
A ripple of laughter went through the group.
After the stories of the two I hadn’t seen in the longest time concluded, Ivan also spoke.
“After returning from Biban, I’ve been focusing on gathering supplies in the capital.”
“Supplies?”
“It’s not work for a mere merchant guild, but the Second Prince ordered it. Given the unstable political climate, it’s better to be defensive. I’m focusing on weeding out personnel within the Eldos Merchant Guild in the relatively safe capital.”
“…Ah.”
“Thanks to the Second Prince, I don’t have to worry about funding.”
Although it was a pleasant gathering, my heart ached every time Ruben’s name was mentioned.
I found myself draining my wine glass repeatedly.
For today at least, I resented my body’s inability to get drunk. No matter how much I drank, my mind remained perfectly clear.
“Why do you keep drinking alone? It’s Mikael’s turn to talk now.”
“…Hmm.”
“Sigh, anyone would think you’re a heavy drinker.”
Jenny sighed dramatically and refilled my glass. She poured just the right amount, almost to the brim, with a skill that suggested she had learned bartending somewhere. I thought she, not I, should be called the drinker.
Just as I was about to retort, someone came running down the corridor from afar and burst through the closed door. It was Marianne.
“Mikael! Why are you here?”
“…Why? Well, I was meeting my friends today…”
“Ah, you think I don’t know that? It’s because the Second Prince went to a tea party at Clément’s with Lady Yeldidus today! Why are those two with you when Mikael is in the capital!”
“Ah, that’s because.”
“Ah, that’s because? What’s that supposed to mean!”
“I said it was fine.”
“What?”
“When he said it was necessary, I told him to do as he pleased, that I was fine with it.”
Benjamin, who had been quietly observing, let out a hearty laugh. Demian, who had been watching with his arms crossed, looked up at the ceiling and bit his lip hard. Jenny gestured to the seat next to her, and Marianne, who had been standing there with a bewildered look, slumped into the empty chair.
Marianne counted the wine bottles with her eyes. All the children had placed their empty bottles in front of them, indicating how much they had drunk. Noticing the unusually large pile of bottles in front of me, I felt embarrassed and moved a few of them under the table.
Ivan clicked his tongue and chuckled.
“Why didn’t you just say you were upset and jealous?”
“…I don’t know.”
“The Second Prince would have wanted that more, wouldn’t he?”
I didn’t answer.
Marianne clapped her hands over her face with a sharp sound. She shook her shoulders back and forth, side to side. Her silent struggle looked refreshingly new after so long.
“Why are you acting like this?”
“Like what?”
“Before, you used to say everything without hiding anything, driving people crazy. Why did you come back so timid? What’s going on?”
There was a predetermined answer to this.
“I have a lot to lose now. Both myself, and Ruben.”