By Zephyria 
When I arrived at the Imperial Palace, I was already a wreck.
Just underlining Hestia Yeldidus’s name would surely fill every page of the gossip magazines. I now knew not just her face, but her birthday, hobbies, favorite and disliked foods, her gentle and sweet way of speaking, and even her favorite clothing brands.
A woman as soft and beautiful as cotton candy like that would be fitting to stand beside Ruben. But that wasn’t my place, was it? I had never once wished to be born a woman, yet every time I looked at the tattered magazines, I found myself thinking I should have been born a woman from the start.
What if Ruben were a woman?
No. Even the briefest thought felt like a great sin, so I stopped immediately. The child was perfect as he was, so it was better if I were the one to change. Sighs kept escaping me, and I couldn’t bear it.
Leon, who had been quiet until then, spoke up as the Imperial Palace came into view.
“Um, you need an identification card to enter the Imperial Palace, don’t you? I’ll escort Lord Kano and Peter to an inn from here.”
“Mmm. Then I’ll just pop home for a moment. It’s been a while, so I should show my face.”
“Yeah. I want to stop hearing that sigh of yours.”
“Well, it’s true you don’t have an Empire ID. Have a good trip. Call us if you need anything.”
Hugh Benson, who had heard from the driver’s seat, opened the small window and looked at Ikyun.
“So, it’s just me, Elvin, and Michael going in?”
“Yes. That would be best.”
“Alright, I’ll stop here in this alley. We’ll split up, and then after work… where will the inn be?”
“I’m planning to go into the one right there, the one with the white roof.”
“Okay, let’s meet there.”
Come to think of it, I had seen my family once, but Benjamin had just been following along silently. Sensing my gaze, he replied as if making an excuse.
“If there’s nothing else to do, everyone gathers in the capital, so I thought I could see them all this time, so I didn’t say much. Please go ahead. I can leave again soon.”
“Yes. I will.”
As everyone disembarked, the carriage, which hadn’t been that narrow to begin with, felt empty. Perhaps because it was lighter, it seemed to sway more violently. I tossed the gossip magazines I had looked through countless times onto a seat. My mind was a mess.
The Second Prince’s Palace was just as it was.
The knights guarding the gate routinely checked the Artifacts on our wrists before opening the doors. Attendants waiting in front of the Second Prince’s Palace took our horses and carriage, and we were immediately led to a reception room guarded by two knights.
The attendant bowed his head with a deeply apologetic expression and said,
“We received orders to let Lord Ernhardt and his party in at any time, but His Highness is not currently present. You will likely have to wait about three hours. Shall I bring refreshments?”
“Yes, please. …Do you happen to know where he went?”
“Ah. He went to a charity party. It’s not an event that lasts into the night, so he’ll be back before evening.”
The attendant bowed again and ordered others standing nearby to prepare a tea tray.
I already knew that charity party was Lady Yeldidus’s event. It was said to be to support Ruben’s welfare policies. Frankly, I didn’t think I could host a better party than Hestia Yeldidus, even if I became the Empress.
All I knew how to do was wield a sword. Didn’t the previous Emperor, Beneto, decide to remarry because he couldn’t lead this vast Empire alone?
Should I start learning now?
Standing by the large window of the reception room, I looked out at the garden. The Silver Lace spread out, as bright as if dusted with snowflakes. The holy oil I had carried with me for the past two years had run out long ago. If I had ordered some from the Duchy of Valentia, I might have received it. A late regret washed over me.
The attendants, having finished preparing the tea tray, closed the door and left.
“Why are you acting so flustered?”
Immediately, an incredulous voice stopped me. I, who had been pacing the reception room and washing my face with my dry hands, froze and looked at Hugh Benson. Elvin Brooks was the type to remain silent no matter what he heard, so I decided to pretend he wasn’t there. I watched him, with his leisurely expression, picking out the least sweet cookie, and then cast an Aura Barrier throughout the room.
Hugh Benson let out a breath, holding the cookie he was about to put in his mouth.
“What are you trying to say by putting up a barrier like this?”
“Um, what would be a good first greeting?”
“What?”
“It’s a reunion after a long time. We were lovers, too… But I don’t know what people usually say when they meet again after being apart for a long time…”
“Did you break up with him?”
“….”
That didn’t seem to be the case.
I still clearly remembered Ruben’s face from the last time I saw him. The child had grabbed my collar with a bold expression and kissed me. The gentle, soft sensation still seemed to linger on my lips, and that was, by all appearances, an act far from a breakup.
Hugh Benson chuckled, finished chewing the cookie in his hand, crossed his legs, and adopted a relaxed posture. As he leaned his elbows on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling, my own impatience grew. He let out long breaths as if he were smoking, then turned his gaze back to me with a mischievous look.
“Just say you’re glad to see him after a long time.”
“And then?”
“And then what? Are you going to do everything I tell you to?”
“….”
Can’t I? I grew increasingly anxious. After pondering, I asked again.
“By any chance, has my appearance deteriorated much during this time?”
“Is this guy kidding me…”
“….”
“…Are you serious? I’m really going crazy. Go stand over there and look in the mirror.”
Ah.
My vision had narrowed, and I hadn’t noticed the decorative mirror in the corner of the reception room. I hurried to stand in front of it and adjusted my clothes. I took off my hood, ran my fingers through my slightly messy hair, and re-draped my crooked cloak. Even after fixing the pendant, I wasn’t satisfied.
Feeling stifled, I swept my bangs back and then let them fall again.
Hugh Benson, who had been watching me the whole time, tore at his own hair. Since he had always worn his bangs long, his forehead was now exposed, making him look more cheerful.
“Would it be better if I swept my hair back too?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything, I shouldn’t have said anything. Can you just come and sit down…?”
“…Yes.”
My heart couldn’t calm down. My legs trembled without my realizing it, and I was pointed out again. How could my own body not obey me? I couldn’t understand it no matter how much I thought about it.
❖ ❖ ❖
Ruben arrived precisely on time.
I sprang to my feet the moment Ruben entered the reception room.
He couldn’t have been more beautiful even if he had walked out of a dream. As if he had rushed here as soon as he heard the news, his pale cheeks were flushed, and his dark eyes sparkled with a light deeper than any jewel.
He hadn’t changed at all. The gaze looking up at me from a slightly lower position was so sweet. The smile that bloomed on his face was shy and bashful.
My heart pounded so loudly that I involuntarily averted my gaze.
How could I have only worried about him changing his mind? I couldn’t imagine that my own feelings had deepened so much. My fingertips trembled, my breath hitched. I had completely forgotten how I blinked or how I breathed. It was just overwhelming and difficult.
As I hesitantly sat back down, Ruben hesitated and sat separately at the head of the table.
It was deeply sad and disappointing that he didn’t sit next to me, but it was also fortunate that he sat at the head of the table, allowing me to steal glances at his face without turning my head. When he bit his lower lip, a wicked thought crossed my mind, and my body stiffened.
Ruben took a breath and spoke in a gentle voice.
“It’s been a while, Mika.”
“…Yes.”
“I’m glad to see you again.”
“….”
“Aren’t you going to look at me? Hmm?”
“…No.”
What a foolish person I was.
I raised my head for a moment, and as soon as my eyes met Ruben’s, I lowered my gaze.
I couldn’t believe the child was in front of me. My fingertips tingled, so I clenched and unclenched my fist. I only glanced a few times at Hugh Benson, who was looking at me with pity.
I wished he would say something on my behalf to help, but Hugh Benson sat with his arms crossed, saying nothing. After a long period of thought, I finally managed to speak.
“…Ahem. Have you been… well?”
“Mmm. I’ve been well. How have you been, Mika? Has it been too difficult?”
“It’s been fine.”
Silence fell again. Ruben rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward to look at my face. Ah. I wanted to hide somewhere immediately. I also wanted to scoop this child up and hide him tightly in my arms.
Ruben asked again.
“Did you think of me a lot?”
“…Yes.”
“….”
I wished someone would hang me upside down. I would at least have more composure than this. Ruben, who had been observing me quietly, leaned back deeply on the sofa. The sigh that escaped his lips sounded like thunder, and my heart dropped.
My attitude displeased him.
But even though I knew it in my head, my body wouldn’t move. Flustered and struggling, I looked at Hugh Benson again. Perhaps he saw my desperate expression, but Hugh Benson clicked his tongue and spoke.
“You’re really making a spectacle of yourself, a spectacle…”
“…Lord Benson, it’s been a while. Lord Brooks, you’ve worked hard too. As for the others…”
“It seems you can see us now. Yes, you said you had a list prepared. Let’s look at that first. We can talk about the others later.”
“…Yes.”
It felt like my heart would leap out of my mouth if I opened it. I pressed my fingertips into my palm, trying to calm my mind. From Ruben, sitting close by, still came the scent of dahlias. I wondered if this was truly a dream and secretly pinched the back of my hand. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt at all. I was still dazed.