By Zephyria 
Hooves crunched over the frozen grass. The edges of the flattened blades of grass were white. Snowflakes blooming from the ground further blurred the already hazy colors of the surroundings. As dozens of horses trotted across the unmarked grassland, Ruben remained silent for a long time.
Ivan and Boulder led the way, searching for the path, while Sienna followed behind us with the laborers. Since the superiors weren’t overly strict, the workers’ hushed whispers were warm under the afternoon sun.
Ruben’s voice, which seeped through the air, was as small and delicate as a butterfly’s wing.
“…I… I was confident.”
Nevertheless, I held my breath and listened intently to the whisper that shook my body.
“I’m not a Sword Master yet, but… I’ve never lost in terms of stamina. I can last for three days against a Medium-sized Monster, and I can see and dodge an Ogre’s attack… That’s why I thought I wouldn’t be a burden to you in any crisis. Even after what happened in the Indus Canyon this time…”
“…”
I remained still, unsure of how to respond. Ruben continued in a calm voice.
“But when I saw the Wyvern up close, I was suddenly terrified.”
“But anyone would be.”
“I always wanted to protect you.”
Ruben, me?
It was absurd. The boy speaking was so serious that I simply listened in silence.
“Whether facing a Spirit or a god. I arrogantly thought I could handle things I’d never even considered. But while you… while you went out alone to face the Wyvern, I had to watch helplessly. I hated that… but what I hated even more was…”
“…”
“That you didn’t smile at all.”
“…What?”
What did he mean by that? How could I possibly smile in that situation? But before I could retort, the boy’s voice rained down on me. I bore the full brunt of it.
“You succeeded in killing such a massive monster alone, yet you didn’t smile even for a moment. You weren’t intoxicated by victory, nor did you gain new enlightenment… You walked straight towards me, straight towards me. You kept checking my expression, worrying if I might be angry, regretting that you should have left me behind…”
“…That.”
“That’s when I realized. I shouldn’t be like this.”
It felt like I had swallowed a large peach pit. It was as if a rough, coarse pit was lodged in my throat, preventing me from making any sound.
I was incredibly dense. Only after the boy patiently explained it to me did I understand the emotion behind my recent anxiety. I had been like an ox, burdened by the yoke of affection, preoccupied only with the task at hand.
Hadn’t I had a similar thought in the underwater cave some time ago?
In front of Ruben, I cast aside all reason and propriety, desperately wishing only for his safety. My vision narrowed, my insides churning, as I focused solely on my precious child. I pushed aside my desire for new enlightenment and my pursuit of martial arts for a while.
Yet, I didn’t find it strange.
Even as the same thing repeated itself, time and time again…
How many mountains do I have to climb? I am still a stone that must roll.
Ruben was pointing that out.
I couldn’t bear not knowing what expression he had as he said this. I panted with my mouth shut, then grabbed the boy’s shoulder and pulled him towards me. He resisted for a brief moment before turning his head to show me his profile.
Ruben’s lowered eyes were sorrowful, and the corners of his eyes were already red. But he didn’t shed tears from his beautiful neck. His lower lip was swollen, as if he had bitten it several times.
After a moment, Ruben sat sideways on the horse’s back, like a woman in a narrow skirt, and pressed himself tightly against my chest. Leaning his cheek on my shoulder, he hugged my waist tightly and I listened to his breath, exhaled in haste from beneath my chin.
Ruben let out a hollow laugh. He repeatedly pushed out empty laughs, spitting out his sorrow again and again, before speaking.
“And yet, I couldn’t easily say I wanted to return to the capital.”
“…”
“If I said I hated it, that I would follow you to death, Mika, you would let me, wouldn’t you? You’d accept it, even if it was difficult for you… You’d just accept it. Knowing that, I…”
“…”
The boy’s voice was consistently low.
Among our party, no one was stronger in martial arts than Ruben. Amidst the march of dozens of horses, only I could hear Ruben’s tiny voice. Both Ruben and I knew this very well. It felt as if we were the only two people in the world.
Ruben’s small voice grew even smaller. Like a thin needle piercing deeper, Ruben’s whisper painfully lodged itself deep within my body.
“My liking you… I wish it wouldn’t be a burden to you… but that’s quite difficult.”
“That, Ruben.”
“Of course, I’m not saying I’ll give up on you.”
Ruben tightly hugged my waist. He lifted his head sharply and met my eyes. Our breaths were so close that I completely forgot what I was about to say. Looking into Ruben’s eyes made all my worries feel futile, so I unconsciously closed and then opened my eyes.
Ruben leaned his body against my chest again. Like a weary traveler resting on a long journey.
“It’s a declaration that I will find an answer.”
“…”
My chest trembled.
How could I send Ruben back to his place without hurting him?
And how could I, after sending him so far away, not lose the place I had prepared for him by his side?
I couldn’t leave this young child entirely responsible. I had to find myself again, the self I had lost.
There was a time when I thought of myself as a man without ambition. A very long time ago. I had forgotten it completely. Now, I didn’t want to miss even the smallest piece of Ruben.
As I intensely pondered, my head and heart grew warm together. I didn’t feel cold even in the chilly wind.
❖ ❖ ❖
The first Friday of March.
We were wandering in search of a place to pitch our tents after dinner.
“Mikael! Is that Mikael?”
“Marianne! You can’t be so loud!”
“No, this time it’s real, really! Mikael! It’s here!”
A familiar presence greeted us loudly.
Marianne, who had been hopping excitedly in front of a large bonfire, tried to run towards us but was held back by the people beside her. There were only two familiar presences. Counting the unfamiliar ones in my mind, I urged my horse towards them.
Everyone sitting in small groups around the bonfire stood up to greet us.
As expected, there were five people, but unexpectedly, Hugh and Elvin were not there. Marianne, Benjamin, and two unfamiliar women and one man. That made five.
Despite this, Marianne and Benjamin’s expressions were relaxed and bright. The demeanor of those wearing the familiar armor of Searon was also very respectful.
I dismounted as I approached them. The laborers formed a semicircle behind us, ready to unpack.
Ruben stepped forward to receive their greetings.
“It’s good to meet you. Are you Lord Andrei?”
“Yes. I am Samantha Andrei. I am here under the command of Duke Widrow to assist the Second Prince.”
“And beside you?”
“Sheryl Bon, greetings to the Second Prince.”
“Bailey Barton, greetings to the Second Prince.”
Samantha Andrei was a woman with her long, reddish-brown hair tied up high, a small scar on her chin. Sheryl Bon had dark blue hair cut shorter than a man’s. Bailey Barton was a sleek young man with curly blond hair, of similar build to Ruben.
Seeing the three knights behave so formally, Marianne quickly mimicked them with a playful attitude.
“Wizard Marianne Philodendore, the most radiant shadow of the First Goddess, the enchantingly beautiful obsidian! I greet you, Second Prince Rubel Anti Sieron, with a heart full of joy.”
“…Benjamin Claudian… I greet the Second Prince.”
Marianne’s greeting, filled with archaic flowery language, made me chuckle. Benjamin’s awkward hesitation, combined with it, was quite amusing.
Although the greetings were formal, how could I hide my joy?
I beckoned Marianne, who was fidgeting like a wagging puppy, to come closer. She scurried over and stood beside me, and I patted her shoulder a couple of times to comfort her. Pouting as if she were deeply offended, she clenched and unclenched her empty fists a few times and then tilted her head, looking up at me.
She clearly looked displeased. I asked, suppressing a smile.
“Were you very worried?”
“No! I wasn’t worried at all. With the Prince here, why would I worry about Mikael?”
“Haha. That’s right. With Ruben here, why would Marianne worry about me?”
Thwack. Her tightly clenched fist jabbed into my side.
“Honestly, you’re so annoying.”
I was a little surprised.
Had she practiced martial arts in the meantime? I wondered how she had gotten so strong. She was always strong, but now I could believe she was a martial artist.
Though I was the one hit, Benjamin awkwardly rubbed his own side. I recalled the Shaolin monks practicing martial arts, punching sandbags. It seems a good sandbag is necessary for improving one’s punches. I scanned Benjamin with newfound eyes.
While I was catching up with my comrades, Ruben was listening to the knights’ reports.
“So, what is the situation with Felix?”
“It’s very chaotic due to the nearby nomads all becoming refugees and fleeing to Felix. We were stationed in Dalmun, a small territory southwest of Felix, and more than half of that territory is occupied by refugees who fled from ‘zombies’…”
Watching the scene from a suitable distance, I quietly asked Marianne.
“…Is that Samantha Andrei person perhaps from a Marquess’s family?”
“Yes, she’s the second daughter of the Andrei Marquessate. The Sheryl next to her is the eldest daughter of a Count’s family, and Bailey next to her is the fourth son of a Marquessate. All three are overflowing with patriotism.”
“…”
These were names I had seen on the list of nobles supporting the Second Prince.
What kind of conflict could Hugh Benson possibly have had with them?