By Zephyria 
I stopped Ruben from falling by grabbing his wrist, as he was so startled he almost collapsed.
I couldn’t leave the spot after all. I understood Ruben’s feelings, but I believed it was right to clearly distinguish between right and wrong. I pulled Ruben’s wrist and set him upright. He looked up at me with wide eyes, unable to even let out a sound, his face turned a deep red.
“…Ruben.”
Even to my own ears, my voice sounded like it was overflowing.
Did he know he had done wrong? Ruben remained silent, his lips pressed shut, avoiding my gaze. It was agony for me alone, seeing his child-like white nape wet and glistening. With a sigh, I pulled Ruben to stand beside me.
“…Let’s go inside and talk, for now.”
“…Mm…”
The path following the child felt like a thousand years, but the return journey, I realized, took less than half a moment. It wasn’t until we reached the cave that I understood Ruben had used his own wits to calculate and find a spot near the cave with a river.
It was a staggering thought, no matter how many times I considered it.
“…When did you plan this?”
“…”
“What?”
“…Three days ago…”
“What?”
Ruben bit his tongue hard, and I, startled, grabbed his chin. His eyes, already glistening with shame and indignation, glared at me. I was in the wrong. I should have dried his hair before scolding him; a chill ran down my spine.
“…It came out.”
“What are you talking about?”
“…Because it smelled…”
“No, from whom? It didn’t smell at all.”
“…”
Did I have to put this into words? I had never imagined that tending to my young lover would involve such matters. I hesitated for a moment, and hearing Ruben sniffle, I blurted out in haste.
“It always smelled… fragrant. I mean. That is…”
“…”
“No… I didn’t mean I smelled it on purpose.”
What lewd things was I saying? The child looked at me, startled, his eyes wide. I wished I could bite my tongue and die. As red as Ruben’s face was, my own face burned with heat. It was difficult to look Ruben directly in the face. The child’s pebble-like knees kept flashing in my vision.
I forced myself to speak again in a firm tone.
“If you wanted to wash, you should have just told me. What would you have done if you’d gone out alone and encountered a monster defenseless? Huh?”
“…Because I was embarrassed.”
“…”
“To undress… in front of you.”
“Sa.”
…I stopped the words I was about to pour out.
To ask what the problem was between men, there was already a very big problem. I had clearly harbored lustful thoughts when I saw Ruben undressed. It had been months, no, even longer than that. This sharp and intelligent child must have known that.
This is my fault. Because I was wrong, because Ruben couldn’t trust me…
No, even if he trusted me, between us… running to the river to undress and wash was not something he should have done. When I couldn’t continue speaking, Ruben voiced his anxiety.
“…Sa? …What’s next…?”
“…Sa. Actually, it is, but.”
Would continuing this conversation benefit me? I didn’t think so.
I quickly changed the subject.
“…I’m afraid you might catch Cold Evil, so it’s best to dry your hair first.”
“…”
“Hm? Ruben.”
“…You’re not angry?”
“…”
Ha. This time, I let out a laugh.
“How could I possibly be angry right now? Sit down first.”
“…Mm.”
Ruben quickly handed me his undergarment to use as a towel. Seeing the tear near his shoulder, it seemed he had kept some spare from when I used it to bandage him. I let out a hollow laugh, thinking he prepared for everything.
However, as I turned Ruben around to sit and took hold of his hair, which was like a three-tiered waterfall, another question arose. I had been with Ruben constantly… There were times I broke out in a sweat… Not looking at Ruben’s face, I decided to ask.
“Did I smell?”
“No! No, that’s not it. No. It wasn’t.”
“I really… can’t believe it. That I didn’t know Ruben had been worrying about this for days. Right now…”
It’s quite funny.
We failed to eliminate the divine source of the Ninth God and lost members of our party. We were on our way to a neighboring kingdom to confirm the survival of our companions and seek help. Why would Ruben, who should have been clinging to me, insist on doing such a thing behind my back?
Ruben whispered, mumbling and whimpering.
“…I was wrong.”
“…It’s enough that you know.”
“Because… because I like you.”
That’s what he says now. Knowing I would be weak and fall for it.
As the child hunched his broad shoulders, his damp, flushed nape bloomed like a flower and stole my gaze.
“…I wanted to look pretty… to you…”
“…”
“Sometimes, when you… inhale sharply near my ear,”
“…”
“So…”
…Me?
Am I a madman?
I froze, still holding the end of the child’s hair. Ruben lowered his head, and despite his embarrassment, continued to speak. With my current feelings, I desperately wanted to cover his mouth, but Ruben didn’t seem to read my mind at all.
“…I brought the holy oil… so I thought I could wash quickly and apply it. I really, I tried to wash very quickly. But… I was wrong. I won’t do it again.”
“…Me?”
Did I… did I desire the child that often? I couldn’t believe it.
Ruben nodded shyly, his face flushed.
“Yes. But, it’s not that I dislike it. It’s because I like you… because I like you. Yulan is less than four days away, so I’m really, really okay now…”
Is he not reading me, or pretending not to know? Ruben’s hasty excuses continued to scratch at my chest like claws. I, too, felt the shame transfer from the child and couldn’t lift my head. I couldn’t listen anymore.
“…No, it’s not.”
“…Really?”
“Yes. I’m okay too. It’s just that, um, from now on, no matter what happens, please tell me.”
“Mmm…”
The child glanced at me cautiously and gently began to tousle his hair.
This was the first time I had seen Ruben dry his hair like this in front of me. Even when he entrusted his hair to me, I only ever brushed his dry hair, so it was natural, yet it felt so awkward. His movements and demeanor were entirely different from my clumsy hands, which only pressed the towel a few times.
Because I said I was okay, Ruben sat me down at the cave entrance for a moment and rummaged around inside for a long time. I was curious about what he was doing, but also didn’t want to know anything. It was a time spent covering my face with both hands and extending my Qi sense far out to watch for anything passing by.
Nothing passed by, and I was still curious about what was behind me.
A considerable amount of time passed, which felt quite long.
Ruben, his body dry, hugged me with a joyful expression.
Ruben still smelled of dahlia, and now I was conscious of my own scent.
How could I have ever imagined such a day would come in my life?
All I could do was ask him one more time not to do it again.
* * *
I deliberately avoided combat even when I saw monsters. It was a continuous series of holding my breath and running away. I did so because I couldn’t risk worsening my injury or hurting Ruben by mistake.
We safely exited the canyon.
The sky, filled with thousands of stars, felt strangely unfamiliar. Ripples of light shimmered over the gentle flow of the river. I couldn’t tear my eyes away for a long time, seeing the white moon and the red moon peeking at each other, shifting positions, as if for the first time in ages.
In the distance, I could see a somewhat crudely made outpost tent. Just by the rounded shape of its roof, I could tell it was a Yulan-style building.
Ruben’s direction was correct.
“…How did you read the terrain so well when there wasn’t a single star in the sky?”
“I already had the world map memorized, and I had the coin given by the Sun God. I could check the direction of the Sanctuary of the Sun anytime, so it wasn’t difficult.”
“Still.”
Ruben smiled faintly.
Now, even when I swung my left arm, my fingertips didn’t go numb. There was a slight heaviness, but it was similar to the dull ache felt after wielding a sword for a long time. I no longer had to worry about monster attacks for the time being. Thinking so, I didn’t want to hesitate any longer.
I grabbed Ruben, who was walking half a step ahead, and stopped him.
“Then, from now on, I will walk.”
“What? But I can also be a Thousand-League Guardian Spirit.”
“It’s not far now.”
Ruben took my left hand with his usual demeanor. His touch, as he firmly pressed my fingertips, was distinctly different from the first time. I let him play with my hand a little longer, and then, the moment Ruben looked up with relief, I scooped him up.
I had dragged on for too long, using my injury as an excuse.
Now that Ruben’s safety was assured, I was curious about the other children’s news. I felt a sense of urgency, thinking I could hear about how the rest of the party had fared while I was separated.
Ruben struggled a few times before obediently wrapping his arms around my shoulders.
The sensation of the wind brushing past my ears lifted my body familiarly. Ruben pressed his lips close to my ear and granted permission, saying there were no guards on Yulan’s western border and that we could go straight to the capital.
So, I ran without stopping. Until the child told me to stop.