By Zephyria 
The next day.
Rubel knocked on my door at the crack of dawn.
I had just finished washing and hadn’t even dried my hair when I rushed to open the door. My black eyes, blinking with eyelashes still dripping wet, trembled as they looked straight at me. His hair was also damp.
I brought him in, sat him on the sofa, and handed him a warm cup of honey tea.
Should I dry his hair?
But now, I felt awkward touching him. I just watched him quietly. He tried to speak several times, then stopped, then tried again. His pale face flushed and then turned pale again.
As I was contemplating what to say out of pity, Ruben opened his mouth.
“Yesterday, you…”
“Yes, me.”
You, me, you, me.
We exchanged the same question and answer a few more times, like a trivial game. Finally, Ruben ran his hands down his face and let out a deep sigh.
“No, no. I dreamed… I think I dreamed.”
“Do you remember what happened yesterday?”
“…Yeah, yeah. Thanks for taking me home…”
I wanted to swallow all the sighs he let out so faintly. I didn’t know how much he remembered or what he had forgotten, but I felt I had to speak to him directly.
So, I seized the moment and gently suggested.
“Let’s not go to the hall today. Let’s just play by ourselves. You must be very tired.”
“…Yeah.”
“Even if we can’t go outside the Duke’s mansion, we can take a walk in the garden and talk while resting.”
“…Yeah, let’s do that…”
Seeing him answer softly and lower his eyes, I felt a sense of overwhelming despair, as if I were alone at the bottom of a ten-thousand-fathom abyss. I was tempted to pretend I knew nothing and let it pass, seeing him like this.
No, that’s not right. This time, I shouldn’t gloss over it as if nothing happened. I believed it was the right thing to talk about it immediately and establish a clear understanding.
But then, I worried about how to start.
I love you, it’s true, but what if I told him about the world as it is, and he ended up resenting the world?
Nor could I treat him coldly now. How could I, whose heart melted and boiled with desire at every gesture and glance from Ruben before my eyes, act so shamelessly?
Benjamin said he couldn’t fully reveal his feelings because he was considerate of Marianne. That child is a hundred times better than me. I should have been like that too. I couldn’t hide my feelings, and that’s how this mess happened.
Yet, on the other hand, I thought it was better for him to cry in front of me, even if he cried, than to cry alone somewhere I didn’t know. The thought of Ruben shedding tears alone, away from me, made my breath catch in my throat…
After mentally rehearsing what to say and what to hear several times, I straightened my clothes and left the room.
Stepping out into the garden, the profusely blooming snowscape filled my entire vision.
The skilled servants of Withrow had piled and sculpted the snow that had fallen in the garden, shaping it into neat, square walls high above our heads. A few small snow rabbits were placed on top of the snow walls.
I wondered how much effort they must have put into creating such a scene.
It felt like walking through a quilt made of soft, white cotton. Ruben was making handprints on the neatly erected snow walls with a rake.
It had been a long time since he had pouted, asking me to hold his hand because his hands were cold. In fact, I had only recently learned that he wasn’t particularly sensitive to the cold. Still, seeing his fingertips turn red and frozen bothered me, and my gaze kept sticking to his hands.
The murmuring conversations, the music, the chatter of busy servants coming and going – all were swallowed by the soft snow, leaving the surroundings quiet. Then, at some point, both Ruben and I stopped walking.
I apologized first.
“I’m sorry.”
“…For what?”
The child stood looking at me. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze and stared only at the ground.
“Well, about that day…”
“…”
“Kissing, and things like that… I don’t want to do them anymore.”
“What?”
Ruben’s voice dropped coldly.
Even then, I thought, ‘He probably talks like this to everyone else.’ No, this is not the time to be distracted by such useless thoughts. Clearing my throat, I continued what I was saying.
“It’s just… Before that day… I thought I could stop anytime, in the middle. But… I couldn’t, could I?”
“…Ah. Uh-huh… Was that so?”
In an instant, Ruben’s voice softened again. My earlobes tingled. Unable to bear the embarrassment, I wiped my face with my hand. Mustering my resolve, I continued.
“Yes. So, I don’t think we should do it anymore. No matter how I think about it, such things are only appropriate after marriage.”
“…Are you going to marry me?”
“That…”
My throat felt tight.
I shouldn’t avoid his gaze any longer. I wiped my face again with my dry hands and raised my head. When had his cheeks become so flushed again? Looking at Ruben, whose cheeks were red and who didn’t take his eyes off me, I swallowed.
Hah. I let out a hot breath. I had tried so hard not to sigh in front of him, but I couldn’t help it.
“…Wouldn’t it be difficult?”
“Why?”
“Same-sex marriage is not permitted in the Sierran Empire. And given the age difference between my brother and me, I absolutely cannot borrow my brother’s name.”
“I’ll make it possible.”
“…What?”
Ruben suddenly grabbed my hand. Without realizing it, I raised my other hand to cup his cold right hand and warm it. He looked at me with a soft smile. ‘He’s trying to charm me again.’ My heart fluttered at his smiling face.
Ruben opened his mouth in a calm tone.
“Do you know why I decided to establish a new regional Academy?”
“…Yes? Well… to promote the rights of commoners… to show the dignity befitting an Emperor…”
“Hmm.”
“…To try and impress me?”
“That’s also true, but…”
Ruben let go of my hand and stood up straight. Then he adjusted the cravat around his neck. His shoulders tensed, and his eyes sparkled, like a hunting dog proudly displaying a freshly caught pheasant.
“As soon as I become Emperor, I will reform the marriage system. To make same-sex marriage possible.”
“…What?”
“Think about it. In reality, many of the current nobles are bound by marriage alliances, so they don’t recognize same-sex marriage. But the emerging noble class, who don’t have much to pass down immediately and want to unite their forces through new marriage alliances, are different.”
“…That’s…”
“I’ve told you before that the Imperial Conference basically assigns different numbers of votes to each agenda item based on the rank of the title, haven’t I?”
“…Yes.”
That’s right. One Duke was worth ten Barons. It seemed fair, but it clearly divided people by status. Ruben spoke without hesitation in a clear voice.
“But if the number of lower-ranking nobles who agree with an agenda item becomes overwhelmingly large, it’s entirely possible. Additionally, graduates will pour out from the five newly established Academies.”
“…Commoners usually receive the Single Ascent Title, don’t they?”
“Over the past three hundred years, the level of education has greatly increased, and the population has grown immensely. We will expand the inheritance titles further. Two years for the public service, and practically three years until graduation. Then, in five years, we can address marriage law. I will make it so.”
“Oh, my…”
I was dumbfounded. Hesitantly, I asked again.
“…But, Ruben, you must have descendants.”
“I’m not the only one with Divine Blood. There’s no reason why one of Lucilla’s children wouldn’t want to become Emperor. Lucilla said it was fine too. Even if they have only a tiny bit of Divine Blood mixed in, they are eligible to inherit holy relics.”
“…That…”
My mind was still too slow. I was speechless and had no answer.
Even in the Central Plains, powerful figures sometimes kept male consorts. But no one lived solely with male consorts, giving up on having descendants. That’s why I never even dreamed that Ruben would give up on his own descendants and only look at me.
It was also the reason I kept scolding myself, thinking he should have a woman by his side. They say people of the Sierran Empire value love greatly. If he found a suitable partner, I had worried several times about how his wife would view me.
It was just natural… the way I had lived until now.
Ruben looked at me with sparkling eyes and a flushed face.
With the surroundings shining white, seeing him standing there, black and red, felt like being in a dream.
“…You’re saying you’re changing the laws… to marry me?”
“Yes.”
My lips, barely able to move, opened, but it was like asking for confirmation of what I had just heard. My voice sounded foolish even to my own ears. He had that intention?
Since when?
…Without telling me?
As I stared blankly, he stammered an excuse.
“Ah, no, not yet… I’ve only just begun. Just started…”
“…Mm.”
“…Why… Do you dislike it?”
How could I dislike it? I was just too surprised.
But worry is a habit for me. Marianne had the opportunity to meet someone new casually after parting with the man she was dating. Ruben is still young and has a bright future, so perhaps he might find someone better than me someday. A more refined and beautiful woman… not me, who is eager to do terrible things to him…
Not wanting to keep Ruben waiting any longer, I opened my mouth.
“…Yes. Then, it would be best to talk about it again when that time comes.”
“…You don’t want to marry me…?”
“No. It’s not that…”
How should I say this? I closed my lips for a moment, searching for an excuse, and then, sensing someone approaching from a distance, I turned my gaze. Before the unfamiliar voice, which was chirping about the beauty of the snowscape filling my vision, got any closer, I moved my feet.
Ruben, not having received an immediate answer, cautiously grabbed my sleeve. It was pathetic to see him act so timidly, unlike himself. I took his hand and held it.
“Marriage is a great human undertaking, so I wish to think about it more calmly before answering.”
“…Ah, um… Yes. That’s true…”
“However.”
“…Yes.”
There was one more thing I absolutely had to say.
“You don’t need to worry about Shayden. He is truly just a friend… I only gave him a nickname as a joke, and if you dislike it, I won’t use it either.”
“…Ah.”
“What should I do?”
“…Ah, no… No… That’s me…”
Ruben, his face bright red, walked looking at the ground, just like I had been doing earlier. I, in turn, kept looking at his cheeks, just like he had been doing earlier.
I never dreamed he had been thinking and preparing all this time on his own. I wondered if everyone else knew, and only I was kept in the dark. The more I thought about it, the more I had to suppress a smile.
It would take two years for the regional Academy to be completed.
…In five years, Ruben will be twenty-five.
…At that age, isn’t that acceptable?
As I was dismissing these fleeting thoughts, Ruben suddenly turned to me, and our eyes met. I was inwardly surprised but thankfully didn’t show it.
He hesitantly opened his mouth.
“…Really?”
“What?”
“…If you tell me to stop, you’ll really stop?”
“Yes? Yes. That’s what I said.”
“Then… Don’t be the captain and first mate anymore.”
“Yes.”
Walking along the wall, the snowdrift collapsed at some point, creating a sloping line. The white snow, blooming like mountain cherry blossoms, was so beautiful it stole my gaze.
Around that time, his hand had warmed up, and I felt we had said all we needed to say, so I opened my mouth.
“Are you feeling a bit better? Shall we go get something to clear your head?”
“Uh-huh… Okay.”
The winter in Withrow was intensely cold, but spring had arrived in my heart, and my body felt increasingly warm.