By Zephyria 
Ruben tightly gripped my hand and stared intently at my face.
The child’s surprised expression was bewildered, and the ticklish closeness of his breath made me feel embarrassed. After a moment, I lightly shook the child’s hand to get his attention. Ruben’s gaze flickered between our clasped hands and my puzzled face.
Ruben seemed to sit up obediently, then leaned his cheek against my shoulder.
“Why?”
“No… No.”
“Did you agree to see those friends again tomorrow?”
“No. …I just told them to see me later. Tomorrow, I have to train…”
“I see.”
My hand was held so tightly that I couldn’t even take a sip of tea, and time flowed by gently. The usually quiet Ruben suddenly lifted his head and examined my face.
He said he’d only had a little, but was he drunk? If I hadn’t pulled away, our chins would have collided.
“I… I went like that.”
“Yes? Yes.”
“…Weren’t you hurt?”
He knew.
Seeing him ask this, I wondered if he knew I would be hurt but still desperately wanted to go, or if he had deliberately left me behind to make me feel hurt. He was so cute, though.
I replied in a deliberately calm tone.
“Well.”
“…Mikaa.”
“I assumed you had aspects you didn’t want to show me.”
“…”
I saw the child press his lips together tightly at the edge of my vision.
“You said you wouldn’t hide anything, that you’d treat me honestly.”
“It’s not… that…”
“It’s okay, though.”
It was a playful response, but also my honest feelings.
When Ruben first told me he wanted to go out without me, I was naturally surprised and bewildered, but Hugh Benson was right. Everything should be done in moderation.
We had spent a great deal of time together. I had become accustomed to looking at Ruben from the moment I opened my eyes until I closed them, or even when I thought of him in my sleep. This was not a normal situation. It was right for me to let go of some of my desires.
I vaguely recalled what my life was like when I was Ruben’s age in my past life. However, I knew well that boys of that age often wanted to hang out with their peers, away from adult eyes.
It was all natural. I didn’t want to get upset and scold the child over every little thing.
“…It was okay?”
“Mmm…”
Had I given the wrong answer? I pondered for a moment, but decided to be more honest.
“Of course, I thought about meeting Ruben’s friends on this occasion… but if Ruben didn’t want to, I didn’t want to force him. I’m not anything to Ruben yet…”
“That… No, Mika. It’s not like that.”
“…Hm?”
“…Because I was embarrassed…”
“Huh? What…”
The child pulled my hand and instinctively buried his face in my palm. Caught off guard, I held the child’s warm breath in my grasp and playfully touched his straight nose alternately with my middle and ring fingers.
Then, feeling his breath grow damp, I spread my fingers apart and looked at Ruben through the gap. Had I been too mischievous? Looking into his dark eyes, which were becoming teary as if he might cry at any moment, I adjusted my posture.
“I… I’ve liked you for a really long time.”
“…Cough.”
“So… in front of you, I want to seem… good…”
“…Yes. And then?”
“When I try to be like that… those friends keep teasing me…”
Oh, dear.
I couldn’t hold back my laughter. As I laughed heartily, Ruben’s already flushed earlobes turned bright red. Before Ruben could shed more pitiful tears, I quickly pulled him closer and sat him on my lap.
The child wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face in my shoulder, breathing raggedly. I wrapped my arms around Ruben and gently rocked him as if soothing a child. His warm body filled my embrace.
The warmth, heated by his embarrassment, made my insides tingle.
I slowly stroked his broad back. Laughter kept bubbling up, and mischievous questions kept popping out.
“You didn’t want me to be jealous, did you?”
“…Not… not entirely…”
“You wanted to see me jealous, and at the same time, you wanted to get rid of those teasing friends in front of me?”
“…Yes.”
I could feel the frantic beating of his heart against my chest.
With one hand, I slowly stroked the child’s prominent shoulder blades, and with the other, I gently pressed my thumbs into the back of his head and his warm nape. His breath was still damp, and my earlobes tickled.
I didn’t have to think long about how to comfort him; my words came easily.
“I knew.”
“…Knew what?”
“That Ruben acts particularly cute in front of me. I’ve heard it from many places.”
“….”
“So, what does it matter?”
Even with this gentle coaxing, I worried about his shoulders trembling slightly. I nudged him slightly, creating space between us.
The child, sitting on my lap, had red cheeks, wet eyes, and a warm breath.
…I was astonished that I could harbor such sinister thoughts even while seeing the child look so miserable.
As I slowly stroked the back of his torso, I had him lean against me again, patting the space between his shoulder blades. Just as the people of Sierren would treat a very young child.
“Aren’t I also a bit different in front of Ruben?”
“…How?”
“Well… I keep holding your hand. Or asking you to hold me like this.”
“…Only me?”
“Yes.”
Ruben pushed away from my chest and sat up straight, blinking his eyes demurely. I watched, captivated, as a slow dawning of joy bloomed on his face as he pondered. I could spend twenty days just gazing at him like this.
Even as Ruben’s breathing gradually returned to normal, my heart pounded wildly. I let him burrow into my embrace again, wrapping his arms around my neck.
After all, when I first met him, Ruben was always mature and composed.
I remembered how he used to stand tall, as if he had never thrown a tantrum, and survey his surroundings with his slender eyes. Now I knew how much courage it took for him to nod, hand me a notebook, and turn away.
But I only knew that he acted cuter and cuter towards me, and I didn’t know he was shy about showing that side to his friends. That this acting spoiled, cute, and pitiful was only in front of me.
The more I thought about it, the funnier it became, and the more my heart melted with amusement.
“I did have some other worries.”
“…What worries?”
“I was worried that I might have done something wrong, and that Ruben was upset.”
“….”
“It’s my first time… dealing with this…”
“…Huh?”
His warm body shifted twice in my embrace and then pulled away halfway. Looking into his wide, startled black eyes, I finally revealed my hidden feelings.
“…I was worried that because I was clumsy, Ruben might have disliked it…”
“Wh-what. No, no.”
“When I introduced Ruben to my friends, I thought it was natural for him to be by my side as a close friend… I also thought it might be more comfortable for me not to get too close to Ruben’s acquaintances.”
“Nooo…”
He stretched out the end of his words again. He knew it would be cute.
How did he know? He was so adorably cute it made me feel faint. I bit my lower lip, suppressing a laugh, and continued speaking.
“No, I mean it. If Ruben were to become Emperor in the future, it could lead to unpleasant situations if all his acquaintances were as close as one person. It’s right to be cautious from now on.”
Then Ruben hesitantly opened his mouth.
“…It’s not that, I was upset.”
“Yes.”
“I was… upset…”
“Yes.”
Ruben squeezed his eyes shut.
He opened and closed his mouth several times, struggling, then said “Noooo” once more, and collapsed into my arms. What could possibly be so difficult to say that he struggled so much?
But I didn’t want to pressure the child, who had already been through so much. If he had something to say, he would say it someday. I just patted him until he fell asleep soundly, then moved him to the bed in Ruben’s room.
❖ ❖ ❖
The rest of December passed uneventfully.
Duchess Felice Withrow met with me once a month to check on my well-being. She saw through my impatience and offered this advice:
“A person’s body is like a sword; if you don’t oil it in time, it will easily rust. Now is the time to rest, so you can afford to relax your mind a little more.”
“…But.”
“Rest well when you rest, and when you go out on subjugation missions again, immerse yourself in dense Mana and swing your sword, and you will eventually reach the realm you desire, Mika. Don’t rush too much.”
“Duchess, do you think I have a chance against Wesley Kiadris?”
“Hmm… I haven’t seen that child in person either.”
After a moment of thought, she spoke casually and laughed.
“But you received a deeper Blessing of Mana than he did, didn’t you? Even if it’s not now, who knows when the time comes to choose the Crown Prince. You’re growing three or four years faster than him.”
Her words were a comfort.
I also arranged a meeting to be introduced to Rubel’s three friends.
Rubel had not yet been permitted to go out into the city. Therefore, I chose a suitably sized hall within the ducal estate, gave the servants a few gold coins, and asked them to pay special attention to the food preparation.
Even though they were Rubel’s friends, I didn’t fully trust them, so I seated the two senior knights who accompanied me for security in the place of honor, and sat Benjamin and Rubel on either side of me. Looking at Rubel’s friends, I was reminded of a certain new year festival when I met unfamiliar children one by one, and I smiled.
It was impressive how all three children were extremely polite to me, no matter what Rubel had said to them.
Justin Barret, in particular, did not act friendly or touch Rubel this time. It made me laugh wryly to realize that they weren’t usually like that, but had deliberately played those pranks to show me.
The three of them said they planned to return to the capital immediately after this new year festival.
It was mentioned that not only them, but most of the younger ones who held suitable titles and didn’t need to sacrifice their lives in the Yuil Mountains, would be excluded from the next subjugation.
“…Are there that many people being excluded?”
“Mmm… It’ll be about thirty to forty people. I heard some of the seniors who spent more than three years in the Yuil Mountains are staying.”
“It’s a dangerous time to travel in small groups, so knights and wizards heading to the capital have decided to gather and travel together on a set date.”
Hugh Benson, listening from the side, twisted his lips askew. He didn’t openly sneer, but he probably thought to himself, Noble bastards.
Only I, who stole a glance at his expression, coughed awkwardly.