Monday of the third week of April, evening after all classes were done.
I started practicing how to feign expressions while looking at Donggyeong.
It was because I had so many things I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to show my confused self when I was anxious. I tried to be taciturn and calm, just like I was in my past life.
Was it because my eyes were bigger and rounder, or because I was still young? My face was very expressive, whether I was smiling or frowning. Laughing loudly in front of the mirror, hardening my expression, or making a cool face were embarrassing and strange things to do, but I got used to it as I did it.
The most practiced expression was, of course, how to harden my face.
Marianne and Shayden came to help when I said I wanted to practice not laughing even when I heard a funny story. While listening to the children’s chattering voices in front of the mirror, I realized that I laughed a lot more than I thought. It was even amazing.
Marianne said she would show me something fun and sat me in front of the mirror.
I sat there bewildered, looking into Donggyeong. I saw a neat boy with his mouth shut in a firm line. His fluffy pink hair was casually swept back, and he was wearing a loose-fitting shirt and vest.
Marianne whispered a name in my ear.
“Marianne Philodendore.”
I laughed. My closed lips curved at the ends, revealing white, even teeth. I tried to turn to look at Marianne’s face, but I was ordered to look at the mirror again.
“Shayden Rose.”
I laughed again. I finally knew what this was all about. I wondered what kind of prank this was, but I looked straight into the mirror. Shayden, who was looking at my face from the side, grinned, reflected in the clear mirror.
“Benjamin Claudian.”
This time, the corners of my mouth widened with satisfaction. After receiving True Energy, Benjamin soared. I was taking care of the Child every day, hoping that he would gain new enlightenment soon. It was only natural that I would feel pleased when I imagined the Child.
“Edwin Kiadris.”
I narrowed my brows slightly, looking embarrassed. …I think I know now what Edwin meant when he told me to open my eyes properly. Was I looking down on him that much…? I decided to treat the Child a little better.
“Rubel Anti Searon.”
…Ah.
I was so surprised that I covered my face with both hands. I didn’t know I had such a sweet face. I was so dumbfounded that a hollow laugh escaped. Now I knew that my mother’s water-colored eyes turned this color when they got wet.
I had been wearing my heart on my sleeve, so Rubel must have known what I was going to say and kept his distance, saying, “Let’s just stay like this, I’m fine,” even when he graduated and several times after that.
I was too embarrassed to lift my head when I thought about how all my troubles and embarrassments had been exposed. But at least he wouldn’t have thought I hated him. That was one good thing.
Marianne, who was slapping my shoulder, saying she was dying of laughter, stood up abruptly and sat next to Shayden, who was half-lying on the sofa. She pointed at me and laughed loudly, saying, “Look at this!” Shayden couldn’t hold back his laughter either, and the two Children’s voices echoed through the room.
“Wow, look at this. He really didn’t know.”
“Did I ever tell you that I was shocked to see Your Highness flirting with Mika every time during intermediate swordsmanship class?”
“What? No! What is it! Why did you see such a funny thing by yourself?”
“That Child, flirting?”
It was the first time I had heard of it. I looked at Shayden, bewildered. The Child glanced at me sideways and turned to Marianne.
“Yeah. Your Highness greets Michael in the morning, right? Then Michael grabs Your Highness’s head like this, slams the back of his head into his chest. Even though Your Highness is a head taller. He strokes and fiddles with him as if he’s going to kiss him, saying he’s so cute.”
“Ew! In front of everyone?”
“No, when did I ever…!”
“Your Highness just stood there? Oh my god…!”
Shayden imitated me with exaggerated gestures. It didn’t make sense. The Child had approached me first, not the other way around.
But Marianne’s applause was louder than my denial. Shayden continued shamelessly.
“Yeah, well…. But everyone thought we were joking because it was so ridiculous. Before that, Bill was always acting spoiled whenever he saw Michael…. Since the two big, dark guys were always rubbing against each other, I guess they thought, ‘Oh, these guys just play like this.’ Some friends even asked me why I didn’t do it.”
“Heehee… Shayden, why don’t you do it, heehee…. So, what did you say…?”
“I told them it was a penalty game between us, so don’t worry about it.”
“Hahahaha…!”
Shayden acted like he couldn’t hear my voice. Marianne made a strange noise and laughed, then buried her face in the cushion and started crying.
Shayden winked playfully at me, who was pursing my lips in embarrassment.
“By the way, this is the first time I’ve ever felt so sorry for Senior Kiadris. Didn’t you get a little closer later?”
“Getting close to that Child… and feeling comfortable are two different things.”
“What did you dislike so much?”
“I don’t dislike him. He’s just a little noisy.”
“Heehee, hee…. Ah, I just remembered something else. Okay, look in the mirror again.”
I looked at Donggyeong as Marianne told me to. The embarrassed smile and blush on my face hadn’t completely disappeared yet. I rubbed my face roughly to cool it down, feeling awkward for no reason. Marianne said another name in a playful voice.
“Bill Brown.”
“…”
“What kind of expression is that? Isn’t Bill noisier than Senior Kiadris?”
I couldn’t answer easily.
My face in the mirror resembled Namgung Jeong-yeon’s. A bitter smile crept into the corners of my mouth. Ha. My heart ached again, and I took a deep breath. I tried to smile at Marianne, who was tilting her head, not knowing anything.
“That Child is cuter than Edwin.”
“Hmm, is that so? Am I prettier than Young Master Bill Brown?”
“Haha, yes.”
“Your Highness is prettier than me.”
“…”
Instead of telling her not to tease me, I picked up a cushion and threw it at the Child.
I teased her a little more until she begged me to stop. I was comforted by the bright and clear voices of the Children running around the room, shouting loudly.
How could I see a Child who had no memories of his past life in the same way as in his past life?
Only the traces of the Dantian remained. No, it might not even be a Dantian. I didn’t think so…. I couldn’t try True Energy on every Child I met or examine their Energy Channels.
It’s not like they had name tags on their Dantians, and there were more than a few Martial World people in the Central Plains. It was right and natural that I couldn’t know everything, but I was tormented by the fact that I kept worrying about it.
The thoughts that ran endlessly reached another point.
It could be Bill. No, it was okay for all the other Children to be like that. But I hoped that Child, Rubel, wouldn’t be. I was afraid. Just in case.
If one of the people who killed my blood relatives was reborn as that Child, would I be able to not resent him?
Rubel was three years older than me. I couldn’t count the number of evil people I killed in the three years before I died. I was such a sinful person.
How many Children died at that time? Even if I was reborn in a new land and forgot the customs of the Central Plains, I couldn’t become a beast that coveted my own kin.
But then again, I wondered if the blood relatives of my past life would still be blood relatives now. If they were entangled in the cycle of reincarnation, they would all come from the same source. What good would it do…? No, no. The Child had already given up a long time ago, and it wouldn’t do for me, who was this old, to act ugly.
I looked in the mirror and thought of that name again.
Rubel.
…I couldn’t smile this time. I was so distressed to see myself with such a sad face that I quickly looked away.
❖ ❖ ❖
Wednesday.
These days, I was suspecting everyone I knew.
While taking the Circle Understanding class, I wondered if Angela Sting was a member of the Jegal Family, and when I went to the Imperial Genealogy Class, I wondered if Calypse Agrigent was a member of Haomun.
Was this land actually the afterlife? Was I the only one who had slipped into the midst of the dead, who had taken on new bodies and were living together? Was that why everything felt so neat, clean, and new compared to the Central Plains?
It was said that those who accumulated good karma were born in good places, and those who accumulated bad karma were born in bad places.
Was my role as a knight somehow a good thing in the eyes of heaven?
…No. It wasn’t. Sierren’s people also had thoughts about what they would become after death. They had their own gods and their own way of life. The afterlife, the world above the sky, all of Sierren’s systems were very human. I shouldn’t think of it however I wanted.
Trying to do things I didn’t used to do made my head throb, so I stopped thinking about the cycle of life that continued on and on. Before entering the academy, I was not familiar with letters. Any thoughts seemed futile.
I had to focus on my current life. There were so many urgent problems piled up like mountains.
It was Imperial Genealogy Class time. Recently, Calypse Agrigent had been telling me about the current state of the imperial succession war. I received a handout about the Imperial Council that was mentioned in Rubel’s letter last month.
Agrigent explained why he was talking about the five kingdoms even though it was a class about the affairs of the empire.
“The upcoming Imperial Council is the biggest test to determine the qualifications of the crown prince, and what the two Your Highnesses gain or lose through diplomacy with the five kingdoms of the continent will all be indicators of how their reign will go.”
“…”
“The handout I’ve given you summarizes and organizes the contents and achievements of the First Prince and Second Prince’s speeches at the Imperial Council. Read it in advance and think about what kind of empire you want to live in. This content will not be tested separately.”
I heard people answering, “Yes,” here and there. Calypse Agrigent instructed them to turn to the next page of the handout. There was a list of nobles who were known to be supporting each Your Highness.
I groaned when I saw my name written quite high up under Rubel’s name.
It was the same as I had heard and expected. 1st Prince Richard had the Duke Kiadris Family and the Duke Yeldidus Family behind him, and Second Prince Rubel had the Duke Valentia Family and the Duke Withrow Family behind him. My name was written right under Valentia’s name.
Matt Nico was hiding the successor of Grimsvein, so the Duke Grimsvein Family would also support Rubel. So, three Duke Families would be on Rubel’s side, but there were many talented people among these Sierren nobles, so influence could not be measured only by the rank of the title.
The countless nobles who were not listed on this handout would weigh their interests and offer their wealth and loyalty to the one they would enthrone as Emperor. Just as I had decided to do.
I listened carefully to the class on which of these people it would be good to gain favor with.
In the meantime, I felt more than one or two gazes on my cheek. But I was more curious and distressed about whether Rubel knew this and was treating me kindly, rather than how I should behave towards these Children to help Rubel.
After receiving one more letter from Rubel and taking one more exam, this semester would finally be over.
Time seemed to pass both quickly and frustratingly slowly.
I had firmly resolved not to be swayed by his letters, but I already missed the child’s neat handwriting, and a sigh escaped my lips involuntarily. My mind still needed more training.
I pondered how much more mental discipline I needed to cultivate to avoid being bothered by such things, and before I knew it, the entire class was over.