By Zephyria 
As I had decided to spend the day with Rubel, there was no need to rush at all. I waited patiently while the child chose their words.
As I watched him without a word, Rubel, who had been hesitating, cautiously opened his mouth.
“This is just something I heard while looking into it because Young Master Ernhardt was curious… I don’t know if it’s really true…”
“Yes.”
“There’s a story that ever since they were young, Young Master Tenor liked everything Young Master Combine liked. Clothes, toys, pets… And usually, Count Combine would give Young Master Combine’s things to Young Master Tenor.”
“Hmm?”
“Even if Oliver Combine didn’t want them.”
I remembered meeting Glotin and Oliver together once, and how they talked about pets for a long time. Was the dog Glotin had cherished for years originally Oliver’s?
The voices of Shayden and Damian also came to mind. It seemed they might both like Marianne.
Did Glotin Tenor like Marianne? Or did Oliver like Marianne?
Seeing my troubled expression, Rubel tried to comfort me.
“Still, Glotin said it doesn’t happen with anyone else, that his grades are good and his attitude is good. And isn’t it because Young Master Combine accepts it all? In the end, they are close and get along well…”
Those words sounded hollow.
“Well, only the person themselves would know about such things. They’ve spent their whole lives together, and will spend their whole lives together.”
“…I worry if Marianne might be sad through that process.”
“That… yes, that’s true…”
As I couldn’t hide my troubled heart, Rubel adjusted his clothes and stood up.
“Shall we go get something sweet?”
“…Yes?”
“I think it might make you feel a bit better.”
“Ah, um… Alright.”
I nodded when he suggested walking since I wasn’t full yet.
We strolled down familiar streets. Last year, everything I saw was new, but now, everything looked familiar. I spotted a familiar pointed hat and stopped for a moment.
The wizard who sold chick dolls greeted me with a familiar face, waving an elephant doll. I smiled and stood before him.
I pointed to something round and black that looked very much like a chick doll.
“This looks like you, Senior.”
“Me? …This?”
“Yes.”
“This is a crow doll! It caws instead of chirps. It sings if you press it three times.”
Just like before, he was a man who knew how to sell things.
The black, round thing ended up in my hand. The soft feel was pleasant, as it had been before. As I squeezed the doll a few times and stretched its cheeks, Rubel immediately took out his wallet and paid.
I hadn’t refused, as I had intended to buy it.
“Shall I buy one for you too, Senior?”
“…Yes.”
“Which one?”
“Uh, um… I’d like Young Master Ernhardt to choose it for me.”
I scanned the stall for a long time. Since I had received a bird doll, I wanted to pick a four-legged animal doll, but there was nothing suitable.
I pointed to a round, white teddy bear with rounded ears.
“How about this one?”
“Uh… I like pink.”
“But you said you wanted me to choose.”
I placed a pink teddy bear in the child’s hand and paid.
We shared chicken skewers on long sticks. We each held a serving of finely shaved ice dessert. The fruits, cream, and syrup stuck between the ice were sweet and delicious.
We walked side-by-side, looking at various things. It was enjoyable to look at magic artifacts, but it was even more enjoyable to walk along the paths Rubel pulled me towards.
I had no idea why he wanted to do so much for me, or why he was so busy.
Whenever Rubel turned back to me with a bright smile, I couldn’t help but smile too.
Hearing a lovely sound, we headed towards the plaza.
Magic lamps, shining as if they were made of stars and moons, adorned the sky. Some of the magic lamps flew around in groups, while others were strung on threads, fluttering.
A beautiful singing voice carried far, far away.
A woman holding a stringed instrument sat in the center of the plaza and sang. Every time her beautiful voice soared, magical light particles fell like fine dust from the magic lamps, settling on people’s heads and shoulders.
For a long time, I was lost in a daze, my eyes and ears equally delighted.
Rubel cautiously slipped his fingertips into my palm.
Only then did I realize we were standing among couples embracing each other and whispering sweet nothings. I couldn’t pull my hand away.
I stared blankly at the child, who, knowing I wasn’t holding his hand back, barely managed to hook one finger around my index and middle fingers, his earlobes turning red.
A part of my chest sank.
The singer changed. As I remained silent, Rubel also didn’t move. Even though he knew I was looking at him. Light particles settled softly on the child’s head, which didn’t turn.
The melody that touched my ears was still sweet. The inside of my grip felt hot and tingly, as if burned.
❖ ❖ ❖
In the dark night, I lay alone in a dimly lit room, with no lamps lit.
I had no idea how I had returned. It was difficult, even though there was nothing to make it so.
I still felt something soft in my hand. Even the clumsy appearance of the crow doll, which indented deeply wherever I squeezed it, didn’t make me smile.
I placed the doll on my chest and listened to the humming song several times.
I recalled the innocent face of the child, who had insisted on escorting me to the dormitory door, babbling about how much fun and how happy he was today, with a shy expression.
I was dumbfounded again. What came out was not a laugh, but a sigh.
I felt suddenly embarrassed about the time I spent wandering the night market, holding his hand under the guise of entertaining a child.
I had vowed before the winter break that I wouldn’t care this much about Rubel, but I couldn’t tell when it had become this way.
Had I become this way because I was starved for affection? I turned onto my side and squeezed the singing doll’s snout tightly.
Staring at the innocent doll softly squishing in my grip for a long time, I rubbed between its tiny eyes with my thumb.
Everyone I had met in this new land, both my new kin and the children I had newly come to know, had treated me well. I knew well that they cherished me as if I were fragile.
But was that the affection of a martial artist?
Just as I regarded my uncle as closer than my father, I cherished Rubel more than other children.
I considered him a compatible friend, with his excellent skills and kind personality. I thought he would become someone great, so I didn’t hesitate to ask for his help.
Without considering what kind of feelings the child had for me.
“…Ha.”
The events of today kept filling my mind, refusing to leave.
The pale face that had hesitated so much when we shared the skewered meat came to mind first. I had only thought it was cute, seeing him fret over a piece of ice, unable to spit it out or swallow it.
I hadn’t found it strange even when he held the doll that looked like me in his arms and named his own bear doll after me.
Come to think of it, Rubel had always treated me with unusual attention.
Knowing I liked him, he tried harder to be even more endearing. He would bring books and notebooks and chatter by my side all day. Instead of showing off, he would beg for me to pat his head.
His sulking because he hadn’t seen my face before the break, or his quiet dejection because we couldn’t play together – looking back, it was all strange, and I only realized it now.
What did I think when I held the hand of the child who got off the carriage without any particular reason, and he made an absurd excuse to not let go of my hand?
As we walked, holding hands, letting you have your way, Rubel’s heart pounding in my ears seemed to echo even now in this dark night.
Now I could see.
Rubel’s pale cheeks were pretty, and his gentle voice was pretty. The way he frowned with a displeased expression was also pretty, and his black eyes that sparkled whenever he smiled were lovely.
His effort to diligently accomplish everything placed before him, and the way he anxiously flushed red and fussed whenever he looked at me, were all beautiful.
I couldn’t imagine how not to find something pretty, pretty, even if I lived twice.
The thought, “The child has taken a liking to me,” suddenly struck and refused to leave, occupying a large space in my chest. For some reason, I felt thirsty. My chest tickled as if I were about to sneeze.
It was an absurd notion. I shook my head. The soft bed swayed like water.
Was this how Calypse felt when he looked at Walter?
Even though he was pretty and cute, the child was too young, and I was afraid he might get hurt. Worry came first. I already knew from his past that Rubel had never had a crush on anyone before.
What would he do, giving his first love to someone like me?
I was afraid.
I was not a man suited for giving affection.
The love stories that Sierren’s people held in such high regard felt strange and awkward, no matter how many times I heard them.
Moreover, it wasn’t even a love between a man and a woman, but a same-sex affection, which was difficult to handle even in this land. How could someone aiming to be Emperor…?
Thinking of Rubel’s sadness already made my chest ache.
I recalled Walter Orgen, how he, a martial artist who walked the path of martial arts, had hesitated to move forward, clinging to his path, fearing he would lose one love.
He was pathetic and pitiable, but when I saw his face, unable to contain his joy, I felt a little envious.
If it were my past self, I would have scolded him severely. I would have criticized him for whispering about trivial matters when our lives, and the lives of our consorts, were at stake.
But this time, I didn’t feel that way at all.
I pulled the blanket up to my shoulders. The duvet, filled with plenty of duck down, was light and warm, wrapping around me.