By Zephyria 
Several dishes followed in succession.
All the dishes were adorned with various flowers, used either as decoration or as precious ingredients. For dessert, a refreshing sorbet was served, sprinkled with small flower petals.
After eating like this, the scent of flowers lingered in my mouth and perfumed my body.
Although the botanical garden was visited with a mischievous intent to follow Marianne, seeing and tasting delicious things with the children made me feel incredibly pleased and happy.
When I suggested visiting the botanical garden again next time, everyone agreed with smiles.
After finishing our meal and touring other greenhouses, we stepped outside as the lights began to turn on one by one. The cool summer night breeze was refreshing.
The outdoor garden, named the Flower Garden Terrace, was open and offered a different charm from the greenhouses.
Gentle music drifted from afar, filling the tranquil garden.
We walked along the well-paved path. The children, who had been laughing and chattering all along, now walked slowly, mindful of their breathing and footsteps. The sight of fireflies scattering in a swarm and then hesitantly returning to their spots was dazzling.
The darkness that descended from high above seemed to bypass this land alone.
How could such an enchanting spectacle exist in the mortal realm? I walked three steps, then rested; walked two steps, then rested. With no one rushing me, I filled my heart with this scenery.
The well-tended flowers released their fragrances with every gentle breeze.
For a moment, my breath caught.
When I spotted a familiar girl with purple hair in the distance, the child was smiling radiantly.
It was as if all the stars in the world had been gathered and placed in her eyes, and all the happiness of the mortal realm embraced in her arms. More than the decorations on her head or the finery of her clothes, the child’s smile was firmly etched into my vision.
To think that a person could look at another with such eyes.
It wasn’t that I suddenly saw Marianne Philodendore as a woman. I wasn’t so naive as to make such a mistake.
However, I couldn’t easily calm the astonishment I felt at a smile that rendered even the observer speechless.
Marianne’s chatter was lost in the music, but I could see the boy sitting before her listening attentively to her words and nodding occasionally. After bursting into a clear laugh, Marianne placed her hand on his shoulder.
I stood there blankly for a long time, watching.
Without a word, someone tugged my sleeve, and I was gently led away from the spot.
On the way back, I looked back several times. If happiness were to be given a form, I thought, it would look exactly like that.
Even if I had climbed Cheonmandesan alone and struck down the Demonic Cult Leader, I wouldn’t have smiled with such joy.
If that is love, then I too…
For the first time, I became curious about what the emotion of romantic love felt like.
Affection and respect were emotions my mind could grasp, but romantic love. It was a suffocatingly warm and radiant emotion, and I felt a pang of sorrow for having never known it in my entire life.
Whether the other children felt the same, the walk out of the outdoor garden was quiet.
Only when we reached the main road, where the symphony’s music grew louder, did one child finally speak. I was still so bewildered and stunned that the words didn’t immediately register.
“…I’ve never seen Marianne smile like that before.”
“Me neither… though, it’s natural, I suppose.”
“I see. So, she’s in love.”
I let the children’s laughter wash over me as they chattered about how they would have intervened if the man were unsuitable, but now it seemed impossible.
They spoke animatedly about wanting to date too but finding it hard to find suitable partners, and about introducing friends to each other.
Following the children who pulled at my wrist, we walked a bit further through the dark garden before returning by carriage.
On the way back, I remained dazed, and the children’s playful jokes didn’t reach me. Someone jokingly chattered that love would find me too.
I felt sorry for not returning their joke with a laugh.
❖ ❖ ❖
Saturday. I was still unable to shake off the image of the girl I had seen yesterday.
Rubel, whom I met in the library, cautiously approached me, noticing my somewhat dazed expression. I told him I was fine, reassuring him that the child was worried, and reopened my handouts.
I wondered if those who had lovers all lived their lives exchanging such happiness, having never known it myself as I had never kept women close in my past life.
The thought that I had lived my life carelessly pricked at me like ugly thorns.
Suddenly, I considered asking Rubel, but I already knew he didn’t have a lover either. Fearing it would be awkward and pointless, I brought up another topic.
“I’m finding it hard to concentrate today; I plan to practice swordsmanship this afternoon.”
“Ah. I was thinking of doing the same… How about we spar together?”
“That would be good.”
Rubel readily agreed, his interest piqued, and I accepted without hesitation.
Thanks to that, we finished a simple meal and headed straight to the martial arts training ground.
As we announced we would spar, the children passing by cleared a wide space for us to use. Knowing Rubel’s skill, I didn’t hesitate as I swung my sword.
We lunged, clashed, pressed down with strength, and were then pushed back, rolling on the ground. As I lowered my stance and swung a wide cut, the sword meeting mine from the opposite side was heavy and solid, mirroring my own move.
After sweating all afternoon like that, my troubled heart felt a little lighter.
The deep ache in my lungs from swinging my sword until I was breathless felt good. In my past life, only swinging my sword like this brought complete joy.
I realized why I had resolved not to have a lover and lived my life alone.
It was because I believed I could only live righteously that way.
Born with the Namgung name, though not a direct descendant, I could aim for high aspirations and train my sword, but I never had ample wealth.
Though I had slept outdoors with the sky as my ceiling and the ground as my bed, I had never indulged in lavish feasts within magnificent, sky-piercing pavilions.
I passed through a childhood where I was simply pleased by the praise of elders for diligently polishing my sword, met peers who admired my swordsmanship and approached me, and during my path as a knight-errant, I found purpose and pride in the admiration of the world that spread from inn to inn.
I lived believing that a life not swayed by visible things was the right way.
It was an unsuitable matter, utterly out of the question. I had long ago abandoned such thoughts, but now I could look back at them.
The fact that I had told myself not to be swayed multiple times meant that I had been swayed at some point.
As a human, how could I not envy good clothes and fine food? I was simply afraid of what I thought I could never possess.
They say Sierren’s lovers want to show off their affection and love for each other.
It was indeed fitting.
Just as I took pride in my sword and wanted to showcase my skill on the training stage, I felt that enduring such a beautiful emotion without boasting was not something an ordinary person would do.
I abandoned the thought that forming relationships with others was unsuitable for me.
Though I couldn’t immediately fall for someone, I firmly resolved that if a warm emotion were to arise, I would never cast it aside and ignore it.
As I panted for breath, Rubel brought me water and a towel, for which I expressed my gratitude.
The sparring, intended to clear my confused mind, had been fierce, with no holds barred, yet the boy’s quiet acceptance of every blow without the slightest hint of displeasure was a comfort.
The sky was clear and blue. I finally noticed the sunlight, so bright it stung my eyes.
Even after swinging my sword for three hours since noon, Rubel, who tried hard not to show fatigue, had sweat glistening on his pale face and neck.
“…Oh dear.”
“Are you feeling a bit better now?”
“…Yes. Thank you.”
Instead of asking what had happened, Rubel cautiously suggested taking a break. I followed the boy to a familiar spot under a tree’s shade. Rubel chuckled softly, and when I asked why, he replied as he gathered his sword and sat down.
“I remembered sitting here like this before.”
“Mm.”
I realized anew that this very training ground, where I had practiced swordsmanship according to the Three Sages’ teachings when my heart was as troubled as it was now, was the same place.
Now, unlike then, it was bright daylight, and instead of standing at the edge of the training ground, enduring alone, I had engaged in a vigorous sparring match in the center.
As I remained silent, looking up at the branches and vibrant green leaves above, the quiet boy smiled faintly and adjusted his attire.
I thought he was as lovely as a crow preening its feathers, even while taking a short break.
Suddenly, a question arose. I hesitated to ask something that should have been asked a semester ago, but Rubel, sensing my hesitation, asked why I was looking at him. I answered honestly.
“I was suddenly curious about why you were troubled back then.”
“…Ah, back then. It was just…”
The child stammered, then smiled and ran his hand over his face. I sat askew, watching his face intently.
After a long pause, Rubel grinned through his fingers. His answer lacked weight.
“Well, now… I can’t quite remember.”
“…Is that so.”
I knew he was lying.
What hadn’t mattered at all back then now felt curious and regrettable.
I had grown fond of the child who stayed by my side and cared for me so affectionately whenever my heart was troubled. I didn’t want to push him, so I remained silent.
When I didn’t reply immediately, Rubel looked up at the sky and made a casual joke.
“Shall we go in to look at the stars?”
“In this daylight?”
“I heard that stars are in the same place even during the day. If you look closely…”
I knew the child was saying anything to comfort me.
Finally, I smiled and replied, “Alright.” We sat for a long time, looking up at the sky. We smiled and acknowledged the students who occasionally greeted us.
Even after washing off the sweat, I still felt a lingering envy, leaving me restless, but thanks to Rubel’s ample comfort, I felt better than I had that morning.
It wasn’t something I needed to worry about right now anyway. I decided to postpone it to some future time and forget about it.
Thanks to that, Sunday passed without incident, and I was able to concentrate on my studies.