By Zephyria The tension that had risen to the point where my fingertips were cold dissipated in an instant.
He pretended not to, but he made it obvious that he had been eavesdropping. Kwon Yi-tae is in love with Choi Gyeoul. The sentence, which was once a true proposition, now felt very unfamiliar.
If you’ve fallen in love with me again… I have to pay you back.
‘Let’s see you be unhappy too.’
A sense of revenge, different from forgiveness, boiled up in my heart and then froze. The reason was that even if that were the case, I knew there was no problem because I would never love him again.
Kwon Yi-tae, of all people, I love him?
The assumption that I would fall in love again with the person who stole my love was like hell. He himself proved that nothing is eternal in the first place. Not love, not people, not trust.
I tore off the memo and stuck it in my work notebook. Ian’s and Yi-tae’s were in the same place, as if in contrast. A very neat confession and a note that was no different from a Secret Santa. I stared at it endlessly before turning to the next page.
‘Do I really have to reply?’
I thought of the notes we used to exchange in the corners of books, but I wasn’t old enough to joke around like that anymore. And frankly, I didn’t feel like it. If he wrote to me again next time, then I didn’t know. I was willing to reply to interesting stories.
Before I knew it, the lengthy opening remarks were over, and the development Team leader was holding the microphone. She explained the efficiency of the UI along with the results so far. She had a rather bored look on her face, but she diligently informed us about the elements.
She looked just like a teacher teaching the basics. I wondered how many people here really understood what she was saying. I was sure it was only the development team.
Including the person next to me, who had the same bored expression.
“Are there any questions?”
Mina’s question was met with dead silence. It was still in progress, so it was ambiguous to find anything to improve, and it was just a briefing at the moment, so it seemed like there would be questions at the next meeting.
So I have to get approval from that picky-looking person…
She looked flawless. If I asked Yi-tae, he would tell me her weaknesses, but it was too late now. I should have used him without hesitation. It was like my last bit of pride, and I didn’t want to go that far.
Looking back, it was an arrogant choice.
The presentations proceeded in order. I took notes and listened attentively. Everyone was known for being good at their jobs, so the content was top-notch. During the Q&A, I only asked a few questions related to our team and closed my mouth without regret.
Next up was our marketing team. Ian was still waiting next to the presenter with an indifferent look on his face. I stared at him for no reason. I couldn’t hear anything that was being said.
Ian turned his head towards me as if he felt my gaze. The subtle twitch of his lips made him look very relaxed. There was no one as trustworthy as him when it came to work. He was also very impressive in Canada, where we became close so quickly.
I hope it goes through without a hitch. In my imagination, I was already begging with both hands, praying to God, Buddha, Allah, Jesus, and various other gods. It’s not wrong to want success.
I drew circles on the notebook with my pen. This was how my anxiety was being expressed. In fact, it wouldn’t be a big deal if this agenda wasn’t accepted. It was just that I would have to discard the data that I had worked so hard to plan and create for days.
It would be pretty annoying, though.
I glanced to the side. I saw Yi-tae hurriedly lowering his head. Well, well? His neck and ears turned red. Spring has come, and a plum blossom has bloomed here. I wondered how long he was going to be embarrassed. He must be an idiot after all.
“The marketing team will now begin their presentation.”
Ian’s concise voice was heard. I took my eyes off him and stared at the screen.
Contrary to my worries, no one expressed any negative opinions or showed any signs of disapproval. The development team, who had to handle the work, and Mina, were just nodding their heads as if they were convinced.
It really ended smoothly. The questions were only about other figures or advertising methods, and the promotional method using the app function that I suggested was also well received.
It was probably because Ian was good at speaking eloquently, but essentially, it was because the person in charge said he would do it. The Team leader has a duty to protect his team members, and there was no reason to force them to do something in a short-term project with weak cohesion.
I looked straight ahead and said softly.
“It’s you.”
A brief silence lingered. The atmosphere was chaotic as the next team prepared for their presentation. The circle I had started drawing as a joke was completely blacked out. I put down my pen and waited for an answer. I didn’t know what this feeling was.
Of course, I started it because of my own greed, and I have to deal with it, but is it right to make a kid who is already working overtime every day suffer even more? In fact, it’s a feature that we can live without.
“Gyeoul.”
“Yeah.”
“I said I’d do it because I can handle it.”
Yi-tae, who said that with a smile, looked trustworthy. At that moment, he was even more so than Ian.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way while living with him. There have been many times when we’ve worked through problems together, or when he’s relied on me, but there’s never been a time when I’ve been completely helped by him like this.
I was so caught up in a strange feeling that I didn’t even realize the meeting was over and sat there blankly.
‘I thought it would always be the same…’
It was like watching a child grow up and leave their parents’ arms, or like a childhood friend who was much smaller than me suddenly came back much taller.
I couldn’t tell if I felt empty or surprised. A total of 14 years was too long to cut off. Long enough to affect my mood. Yi-tae was so unfamiliar.
Tony nudged my shoulder. I glanced to the side and saw Yi-tae tidying up his things. I thought the meeting ended a long time ago, what was he doing that he hadn’t left yet?
There were only a few people left in the conference room now.
I stood up and said to him. I felt a little shy and sorry, so I couldn’t look him in the eye properly. When did he grow up so much? He used to be so cute.
“…Please take care of me. I’ll cooperate as much as I can.”
“Yeah. Please take care of me too.”
We need to share our opinions often… Yi-tae hesitated and added. I was at a loss as to how to define this awkward feeling.
∗ ∗ ∗
He made a whole new snack box. Now he only brought snacks with long expiration dates. I should be the one giving them to him.
What’s more, he stopped hiding his identity, and there was always a memo attached to each snack. As if I wouldn’t recognize his handwriting.
Today it was a tea bag from a cafe a little further away. Was this the topic we talked about at lunch yesterday? He was beyond a Secret Santa, he was a stalker.
How to drink it best: Add a spoonful of honey to 250ml of hot milk.
He writes so beautifully, but why does he look so grimy today? Yi-tae often acted like a country puppy. He didn’t like people, and he didn’t act cute, but it was still cute.
Maybe it’s because he looks like he’s got dirt on him and is looking at me cautiously.
I used to lie in bed after sex and talk about various things. I spoke about embarrassing topics in a very small voice because my throat was hoarse.
〈…What do you like about me?〉
〈Your face.〉
Maybe it was because my body and mind were so relaxed. I pressed on Yi-tae’s abs and said playfully. He pouted at my words and bit the tip of my nose.
Yi-tae, who wanted to get a proper answer from me, threatened me by moving his lips down. At first, he sucked on my lips until they were numb, and when he heard my answer, “Your body,” he explored my neck, nipples, navel, and even further down.
In the end, we got caught up in the atmosphere and had sex again, and Yi-tae never got my answer. The truth is, I fell in love with you because you’re so lovely…
Yi-tae’s charm was that he was pathetic and clumsy. His face was a bonus. No, maybe it was because of his face that he looked cute even when he acted like that.
Now I put another one on top of the pile of memos. It wasn’t a grand confession or a sharing of daily life. It was just full of useless information, like how to eat it deliciously today or a list of good restaurants.
‘Come to think of it, I haven’t heard it either.’
I looked at him, who was exhausted and haggard. Maybe it was because of my words to reduce caffeine, but it was definitely hard to find Energy Drink on his desk.
Being a good listener was also one of his charms. Yes, Yi-tae was lovely like a dog. I didn’t know he would grow up to be a son of a bitch.