By Zephyria I agonized hundreds of times before speaking to you. I didn’t want to make a mistake. So, I gave the safest answer and waited for you to evaluate it. Clearly, the answer I prepared this time didn’t have any particular flaws. It was extremely ordinary.
The firm rejection brought back old fears. My body grew hot with tension, and sweat beaded on my forehead. Instead of answering my question, Gyeoul moved his fingers as if sending a message. I wanted to cover that phone with my hand right away.
Like a punished child, I stood still, waiting for you to turn to me. You must have heard my voice, so I was pushed down the priority list. Contacting Ian must be more important.
Even though I knew it was natural, I couldn’t help but feel a pang in my heart. Greed only swelled up like a gluttonous pig. Not knowing my place. If I kept going like this, I would burst and die.
Gyeoul put down his phone and said rather coldly.
“I ordered it myself, so check it later. No complaining, even if you don’t like it.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
In the end, I didn’t get an answer and just obediently agreed.
In fact, I wouldn’t have welcomed any drink. Because I could see that person’s obvious intentions. A damp feeling pierced my heart. What other reason would he have to come back to the company when he didn’t have any work?
‘……Because he likes him.’
Right, because there’s someone he likes here, he even bought a drink and came to visit outside of work hours. Because the person who’s desperate is the one who creates the opportunity.
Wouldn’t I be able to escape this greed if Gyeoul became happy? I didn’t want to do something with you in the first place… Why did it end up like this? Without knowing satisfaction.
We finished cleaning up and returned to our respective seats. With the explanation that there was a lot of work left. Gyeoul seemed really focused on his work, staring at the screen with his mouth open. I gazed at the cute scene beyond the monitor before finally starting work.
The people who had left didn’t come back. They probably just went home. Now, there were only four people left in the office, including me.
Only the sound of keyboards and mice filled the space. Just as my scattered concentration was slowly returning, Ian came into the office with a cup carrier in his hand. At first, I didn’t notice his visit, but soon I heard voices.
I snapped out of my daze at the noise and belatedly looked around, only to find that another person had already left and was gone.
Was that why? It felt like they were talking unusually close to each other.
“Are you busy?”
“A little. Not much left.”
“If I knew you’d be back like this, I would have eaten with you. You don’t like eating alone.”
Ian’s hand playfully stroked Gyeoul’s hair, who was leaning back in his chair. It wasn’t easy to ignore the affection dripping from his eyes. Gyeoul didn’t stop him, as if he wasn’t too uncomfortable.
Even during the day, my work progress had been significantly slowed down because I was distracted by them, and it was still the same now. If I could just finish what I had to do today, I could work from home for a while, but I didn’t want to be stuck in a shabby motel room.
‘I need to find a house too.’
I didn’t want to miss the chance to see Gyeoul. That was my honest feeling.
“Sirius was still here, so I ate with him.”
“Ah… really?”
Sharing their daily lives seemed too natural. Ian’s eyes slowly turned towards me. I met his gaze without looking away. It was only natural since my name had been mentioned. I didn’t want to avoid it.
Ian pretended to sympathize with Gyeoul’s words and opened his mouth again.
“Are you close to him?”
“Yeah, we worked on a project together before.”
“That doesn’t mean everyone becomes close. Is it because you’re both Korean? If that’s the case, I’m a third-generation Korean.”
It was definitely felt. Ian was wary of me. He was saying it so openly, knowing that I could hear everything. There was no way he would say something like that in front of the person involved otherwise.
He often acted humorous, but there were times when he was this rude. Did Gyeoul feel it too? He tilted his head and looked up at Ian, who was standing next to him.
“I contacted you by email, so what does it matter? We got along well, so we became close. You too.”
Ian closed his mouth at Gyeoul’s words, which drew a line. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so relaxed during work hours. It was unfamiliar. That might be a side he only showed to Gyeoul. Just like I used to.
Ian pouted as if complaining. It was unsightly. A grown man relying on his looks and acting cute to a subordinate at work. It was completely awful.
Gyeoul didn’t waver at those expressions and said what he had to say as if nothing was wrong.
“The ice is melting, so hurry up and give it to him.”
“Yes, yes, I will.”
He put the drink on Gyeoul’s desk and approached me with a plastic cup containing the same color as his. He ordered the same thing. It was childish, and I didn’t welcome Ian buying it for me, but I was also glad that Gyeoul had chosen it.
It wasn’t polite to just sit there and stare. It could be awkward. Pretending not to notice, I turned my body and grabbed the mouse, repeating meaningless clicks.
I don’t think we’ve ever been this close since our first greeting.
“Thank you for your hard work.”
He said, handing me the drink.
“Yes, thank you. I’ll enjoy it.”
Only very businesslike conversation was exchanged. I could feel Gyeoul looking this way. It was a situation where we should have had some small talk, but I couldn’t think of a topic to talk about.
Ian was the one who broke the awkward silence first.
“……I see you enjoy herbal tea.”
Having lived a life of 35 years, rounded up, it was the first time I had ordered herbal tea at a cafe. Even though it wasn’t my intention. I didn’t want Gyeoul to be the topic of this conversation. It would definitely be terrible to hear him say something that implied he knew Gyeoul well.
So, I chose to pretend it was my choice.
“It’s not a good choice to consume caffeine in the evening.”
I said that, knowing that he had bought an iced Americano for himself. Then Ian looked at me intently and burst out laughing. He was indeed an unpleasant guy.
It seemed that neither he nor I had any intention of getting along. I thought I was good at leading conversations in a friendly way, but now I was just laughing. I could have brushed it off as a joke, but I didn’t try to ease the atmosphere.
“You say the same thing as Gyeoul.”
Gyeoul.
He definitely said Gyeoul instead of Winter, as if to show off their closeness. I heard he was a year younger than me, but he was really childish.
If that’s the case, I’m more…….
And I was the same. I felt like a peacock courting a female, showing off whose feathers were more colorful. But Gyeoul probably didn’t think anything of it.
A deep sense of self-loathing washed over me, but I didn’t want to back down from the already started battle of nerves.
“Well, he recommended it.”
I couldn’t falsely brag while Gyeoul was listening. Saying Gyeoul on purpose, or saying Winter as if that name wasn’t special, both felt like being swayed by Ian.
‘I know Gyeoul better than you do.’
Instead of saying those words, I put the straw in my mouth and sucked on the drink. A cool scent spread in my mouth. Knowing Gyeoul’s heart in choosing this, a faint smile almost spread across my face even in the midst of the confrontation.
Even if the reason was a disruption in work, the fact that you were worried about me didn’t change.
It’s a confirmed fact that I love Gyeoul, but even so, there’s no reason for Ian to be so wary of me.
“It makes me curious to see you enjoying it so much. I should take a sip of Gyeoul’s drink. It’s good for your health to drink herbal tea if it tastes good.”
I knew it was a sentence he spat out to intentionally provoke me. It was a declaration that he was close enough to share a drink with Gyeoul and could change his tastes to follow him. Of course, I might have over-interpreted it, but it probably wasn’t much different.
He must have been aiming for it to be interpreted in many different ways since he spoke in vague terms. I also felt like he was testing my affection for Gyeoul. His gaze felt particularly cold after he spoke.
A brief silence flowed, and Ian drew a subtle smile on his face. Following him, I also pulled up the corners of my mouth and spoke in a tone mixed with laughter. Like a joke.
“I could have shared mine, but I already put my mouth on it. Please tell me next time.”
Don’t tell Gyeoul. I openly included that meaning. Ian probably fully understood my intention. I had no intention of hiding this feeling.
He probably doesn’t know, but it’s very meaningless for him to be wary of me. No matter what, I can’t be Gyeoul’s partner.
My heart ached.