By Zephyria Actually, I knew that Gyeoul didn’t mean he was going to kill me. But I didn’t know anything else. I couldn’t understand what he meant.
My hesitant hand twitched in the air. I needed to reply quickly, but I couldn’t even enter the chat room. It felt like I had to respond immediately once the “unread” mark disappeared. I was afraid I would make a mistake in my haste.
I awkwardly glanced at Gyeoul again. He was doing work, resting his chin on his hand and intently reading something on the monitor.
Why, I typed a word and then deleted it. “Do you often work late?” No, that didn’t sound right, so I deleted it again. “Don’t overdo it,” I didn’t even hear Winter say that, and it felt like I was presuming too much, so I just held down the backspace key. In the end, I couldn’t write anything.
How much courage it takes to talk to you. Unable to press the keyboard, I just tapped on it, grabbing the floating fear and writing it down.
I was still afraid of being hated.
[In what way?]
I hesitated about a hundred times before finally pressing enter. No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with the perfect answer. All I could do was send this simple message and wait, trembling.
Gyeoul quickly read the chat. I unconsciously glanced at him. Gyeoul was still typing with a bored expression.
Winter
[Don’t you know what happens when you consume too much caffeine? Low weight, arrhythmia, calcium imbalance, anemia, stomach ulcers, heartburn, and so many other side effects. Drink it in moderation. Unless you want to die young.]
He listed off medical conditions as if he had copied them from some blog. It’s not like a few cans would cause all that. I bit my lip, feeling so endeared and charmed by his concern. If I laughed here, I’d be the only weird one.
He was worried.
You were thinking of me and worried about my health. …Worried.
Regardless of whether I deserved it or not, the fact that you were thinking of me turned the world upside down. A world dyed with joy shone brightly. My surprisingly narrow-minded heart swelled up.
I had a hard time suppressing a smile and cleared my throat. I picked up a water glass instead of an Energy Drink and quenched my thirst. Even while drinking the liquid, the corners of my mouth moved on their own, making me flustered. I couldn’t let it show.
I put down the cup and wiped my lips, covering my mouth. The smile that had begun to spread was hard to hide.
[Okay. I’ll drink it in moderation.]
I replied, pressing the keys firmly. Gyeoul read it but didn’t reply any further. Ian’s face was still adrift somewhere in my heart, but this alone seemed enough to make it a happy day.
After hesitating, I secretly captured the chat and saved it to my drive without anyone knowing. My heart felt full. It was a precious treasure to look at whenever things got tough.
I ate a quick lunch and focused on work until dinner, and there were few people left in the office.
There were often business trips, so the seats were rarely full, but today it seemed particularly empty. I belatedly looked at the clock and realized that it was already past quitting time.
I stopped what I was doing and turned my neck. It was stiff to the point where the back of my neck felt tight. I felt a faint heat and pain. My body was slowly breaking down. When I stayed still, my wrists also ached. It seemed like it was because I had been sitting in the wrong posture for half a day.
‘I need to eat dinner.’
I took out a protein bar from the drawer, which was in charge of most of my dinners because I ate it so often. Tony and Mina had left early, and Gyeoul and Ian were…
Not at their seats. It seemed like Ian didn’t have any plans to work late, so it made sense for him to leave, but I couldn’t find Gyeoul anywhere.
I turned my head and looked around, but I couldn’t find any trace of Gyeoul anywhere in the company. Could he have gone out with Ian? Schedules could change at any time.
A subtle current flowed from deep within. The stinging sensation grew stronger and stronger, threatening to engulf my whole body. Why was I being swayed like this? Even if you married someone else, there’s nothing I could do.
A buzzing noise filled my ears. I had no appetite to begin with, but it disappeared completely. I pushed the rustling wrapper aside and leaned back in my chair. The pattern on the ceiling spun around and around. The delusion took advantage of the gap and easily penetrated my weakened heart.
Ian likes Gyeoul. Gyeoul is bisexual, so there’s a possibility he likes Ian. Then…
I closed my eyes. It seemed better to sleep for a while, even if it was just for a moment. I had to stop the engine so I wouldn’t run too far. Otherwise, I might go to a place I couldn’t return from. A red light flashed, warning me.
In any case, my already closed stomach wouldn’t accept any food. I was eating one proper meal a day, so I wouldn’t die.
The people who were working late also disappeared one by one to eat dinner. Now only silence flowed in the office. The sound of breathing was clearly audible. My head started to ache a little, but I didn’t even think about taking medicine.
‘I should buy macarons tomorrow.’
Not for me, though. Someone was looking for something sweet earlier, so it would be good to have them on hand.
I was making excuses even though my inner thoughts weren’t being heard by anyone else. At this rate, I wouldn’t be able to think of anything other than Gyeoul. There was no place in my daily life where you weren’t present.
The sound of the automatic door opening. The rustling of plastic and light footsteps following behind. A familiar perfume mixed with the disgusting smell of food stimulated the tip of my nose.
A presence felt nearby. Gyeoul’s scent.
“I thought you had left.”
I opened my flickering eyes and spoke to him first. Gyeoul, with a blank look on his face, shook the bag in his hand.
“I bought dinner. I have some things to take care of until late today. Have you eaten?”
“…Yeah. Something simple.”
“I thought your nose had gotten a little higher, but lying was just a part of your daily life.”
Instead of pressing me, he turned around and picked up the protein bar on the desk. There was no way I could lie to him, who knew my eating habits so well. I straightened up from my leaning position. Just smelling your scent made my headache slowly subside.
I could face Gyeoul while acting like I was roughly normal. As if there was nothing uncomfortable.
“I was going to eat soon. Didn’t you have plans?”
“Yeah, I do. A very urgent appointment with the documents that are due tomorrow.”
“Sorry.”
I quietly apologized to Gyeoul, who sounded upset as if he was wronged. Why do I keep getting smaller in front of you?
“If you haven’t had dinner, do you want to eat some futomaki? It’s delicious here.”
He picked up the bag again without paying attention to my reaction. The savory smell made my uncomfortable stomach squirm and slowly start to move. I must have eaten a poor lunch because I was starting to get hungry. Growl. My stomach eventually made a small noise.
My face flushed hot at the unexpected sound. I should have eaten something earlier.
“Oh, you’re hungry. Come on. Let’s eat in the conference room.”
“…Okay.”
I should have bought those macarons after all.
Gyeoul hung his coat on his chair and headed to the conference room first. I rummaged around for a long time to see if there was anything I could give him, found a handful of snacks, and moved my body.
I should buy a bunch of things to give back as a thank you tomorrow. He would accept that much without feeling burdened. With my current feelings, I wanted to give you my entire salary.
I had such pathetic thoughts.
The things that Gyeoul had bought were already spread out on the conference room table. I thought he had only bought futomaki, but there was also udon. The Gyeoul I knew wouldn’t be able to eat all of this…
I had a reasonable suspicion that there was someone else to eat with. But I couldn’t ask about it. We weren’t that close. You could only be curious about your private life if you were a friend.
“Sit down quickly. I’m hungry.”
“That’s a lot.”
But my curiosity popped up from time to time. It was difficult to hide it completely, even if I tried. I didn’t want to upset you with my wrong sense of distance.
Like the suspicion that he bought the food assuming he would be with someone else.
I looked at you, unable to contain the words that had suddenly popped out. Fortunately, Gyeoul didn’t show any particular reaction. He was just calmly tearing apart the wooden chopsticks.
Gyeoul said nonchalantly, as if it was nothing.
“Sometimes it’s like this. I’m so hungry that when I order a lot, it turns out like this. But I’m glad you’re here. You can eat it all, right?”
There were times when he made heavy words light. How can I be your relief? My heart was beating fast. My face, which had been red since earlier, didn’t calm down.
I couldn’t control the overflowing feelings. I suddenly handed you the snacks I had brought with both hands. This is all I can give you now, but someday I want to give you something bigger than what you gave me.
I had such a terrible thought.