By Zephyria 
The color red flickered before my eyes. Hayley, with her long, curly hair cascading down, pushed a document toward me, a substitute for an explanation. It was a 20-page proposal for the collaboration project she said was newly underway.
Before I could even glance at it, she spoke first.
“This is an opportunity, Sirius.”
Hayley’s cheeks were flushed, and a faint sense of excitement could be felt in her trembling voice.
I lowered my head and began to read carefully from the beginning. Since I couldn’t get a proper explanation from her, reading the material seemed much more helpful in grasping the situation.
Formation of a short-term project team in the form of a task force. Two people selected from each company. Dispatch to Seattle.
To Seattle…
My gaze stopped at the familiar place name. I savored the sentence. It felt like something foreign was caught on my tongue. A warning signal that I shouldn’t swallow it, that I had to spit it out, kept ringing incessantly.
In a hushed voice, as if whispering words that others shouldn’t hear, she said,
“It’ll be much easier since there are familiar places in the collaborating company. You know how special it is to receive such an offer at your level of experience, right?”
“……”
“Finding accommodation is a big problem, but the benefits you can gain from pulling this off are really significant. Think it over carefully.”
Her eyes, glancing diagonally, reflected the list of participants. Among several major companies, the company mentioned yesterday was on the second line.
I inhaled sharply without realizing it. Even though there was no guarantee that you would be selected, my heart pounded fiercely. I wanted to email Winter right now to confirm. Even I wasn’t sure which outcome I wanted.
That you would be on the list. Or, that you wouldn’t be.
My mind, standing on the boundary, kept flipping like a coin. My heart easily changed its mind. The inevitable choice was my responsibility, but it felt like it depended on Winter’s decision. Even though my future whereabouts weren’t certain yet.
“I’ll do it.”
The utterance was faster than thought.
I couldn’t hide my rambling heart. I always made the wrong decisions and regretted them. This time wouldn’t be any different. Even as I faced Hayley’s happy expression, I couldn’t smile along. Deep fear was creeping in.
She handed me a pile of papers, saying they were supplementary materials.
She acted like she was giving me the decision-making power, but in reality, she was trying to coax me into giving a positive answer no matter what. The prepared materials proved it. I was the last resort.
“To be honest… the schedule is a bit tight.”
Hayley, who had been frantically flustered for a while, frowned and said apologetically. She went on and on with additional explanations that this position wasn’t originally mine.
The right person was Victor, but he flatly refused, complaining about difficulties in adapting…
Only after three more names were mentioned did her lament finally come to an end. She also added that she was sorry for burdening me with such a heavy responsibility.
In the end, the gist of the long sentence was that I had to leave for Seattle next Monday.
“Yes.”
Even in a situation where I could feel displeasure, my answer was monotonous. Affirmative agreement. No other words were needed. No matter what I heard, my decision wouldn’t have changed.
…If I could meet him again there.
I pushed the chair back and stood up. There was a lot to prepare from now on. Even if I moved busily, it seemed like time would be insufficient.
∗ ∗ ∗
The process proceeded more smoothly than expected. Except for one thing.
“Please confirm that the reservation is made for next Friday.”
I couldn’t find a place to live. It wasn’t the shortest-term project, so I had to find accommodation where I could stay for at least a few months, but it wasn’t easy to find.
I left an inquiry with the hotel front desk using a worn-out phone. After the sound of papers rustling, a businesslike response came back that the reservation was properly made. It was because I had heard Victor’s advice that there were sometimes mistakes.
Due to the workplace being adjacent to the pier, all the apartments near the company were expensive. Of course, they weren’t as expensive as Manhattan, but the company’s subsidy was very stingy. So that’s why everyone refused the offer. It wasn’t that meritorious.
Even so, I didn’t feel like looking for accommodation in a location where I had to commute by bus. I was going to find a room more carefully.
I only unpacked the immediately necessary luggage in a cheap hotel where I would stay for a few days. I saw a review on a blog that it was in a state where Bedbugs were likely to appear, but I couldn’t know if they really existed. Still, judging from the fact that there were no bite marks on my body yet, it wasn’t enough to change rooms.
I barely arrived on a Sunday night flight. Monday seemed to be just a simple self-introduction and then parting ways, so I managed the unreasonable schedule.
Apart from being physically tired, I had work to do, so I sat at a small table. If a personal call hadn’t come from the chat room created for collaboration, I would have repeated my habit of opening emails and sending short greetings.
I turned up the volume and placed it next to the laptop. A light male voice vibrated and echoed in the small space.
I’m sorry for contacting you late at night outside of work hours. This is the Rodi Marketing Team that I worked with before. I heard that you gave a presentation on the direction of the TF this afternoon, so I was wondering if I could urgently get the PPT materials.
“Should I send it to the email address we used before?”
Not there… please send it to the ID starting with Ia. I’ll leave the address in the email. Thanks, I’m relieved! I was waiting for the backup to be uploaded, but it wasn’t, so I was flustered.
It was a call I wouldn’t have received if it wasn’t Winter’s company. I often rejected calls received from unknown numbers. But this time, I somehow wanted to receive it, and that hunch was right.
Whether the employees of Rodi were all this cheerful and sociable, they also shared stories I didn’t ask about.
The words I wanted to ask her pricked like thorns on my tongue. I paced around the room, anxiously tapping my feet. I wanted to know the answer, but I also wanted to never know. I didn’t want to deflate my inflated expectations, and I didn’t want to be disappointed.
Then I’ll see you next week.
“Um…”
Yes, please speak.
“…Feel free to contact me if you need anything. Other people in charge too.”
In the end, I mumbled the words I wanted to say.
I chose to wait with an inflated heart for a few days. Like the saying, delusion is freedom.
If I happened to run into you, this time neither you nor I could escape fate. If it was a fight where one side would definitely lose, the loser would be me.
A pleasant laugh was heard from the other side.
Sirius, you’re as kind as Winter said. I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you. Have a good night.
Behind the buzzing noise, Winter’s voice seemed to be heard. A monotonous voice asking who it was. An inquiry about whether the list had been checked. Even though there was a high probability that I had misheard, I inhaled excessively at the mention of your name.
What about company work if everyone leaves?
The call was disconnected. This time, the voice I heard was clear. It was speaking in a friendly tone with a pitch of about ‘E’ in musical terms.
A dizzying premonition that time would flow slowly filled me densely. My thoughts were too complicated, so I couldn’t do today’s confession in the end.
∗ ∗ ∗
As if sharing camaraderie, the people belonging to the TF quickly became close. It was the result of analyzing data day and night, fighting to the point of grabbing each other’s collars, and reconciling while crying. It was hard to believe that all of this happened within a week.
Of course, I was also included in that fight. It was because my terrible avoidance tendency ruined the work.
And finally, that day arrived.
It was the moment of the decisive battle, where I circled the calendar twice with a red pen and even drew a star. In fact, I had already received the list, but I immediately put it in a folder. It wasn’t too late to open it after actually facing them.
The name ‘Ian’ was often heard. He was the person who received Winter’s gift. I only heard about him, but I learned that he had outstanding abilities. Also, that he had a handsome face and body.
“They’ll be arriving soon.”
“Well, they’re key figures, so it’s worth looking forward to.”
“Until yesterday, you said I was the most important.”
The whispering and chattering sounds gnawed and scratched at my nerves. Friendships had been formed to some extent without Rodi for a week, but it was still just a business relationship. The possibility that the newly arriving employees would squeeze into the thinly formed friendships was always open.
I trembled my legs anxiously and pressed the keyboard. I couldn’t even see what I was typing.
“Hello.”
Two people came in. Winter wasn’t there.
My heart plummeted as if it had been thrown to the ground. My expectations were shattered like a birthday cake that had been crushed and ruined.
I stared at them silently. The tall and handsome man must be Ian. Winter was weak for faces… I tried to think lightly, but it didn’t work.
I shouldn’t have expected anything from the beginning. It’s a terrible thing for you, but I shouldn’t have mistaken that fate was on my side. I turned my head and looked away. I had to be satisfied with just coming to Seattle. The distance between you and me was steadily getting closer.
“Nice to meet you.”
At that moment, a new voice followed. For a moment, I smelled the scent of summer.